HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020 EVERYONE!
This chapter is a parody of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode Roller Cowards
At the estate in Gotham Royal York, we were celebrating the start of the new year. Today was January 1st, 2020.
Poromon, Manaphy, Poliwag, and Horsea: HAPPY NEW YEAR'S, EVERYBODY!
They blew noisemakers.
Me: I propose a toast everyone, to the start of an awesome new year!
Everyone: HERE HERE!
We clinked our glasses together.
Lincoln: This year is gonna be awesome!
Laney: It sure is.
Maria: In 2016, J.D. met the Loud Family and Varie, in 2017 he met Vince, Hercules & Zoe and Riley, In 2018 Team Loud Phoenix Storm was formed. And in 2019, we met the Transformers and Power Rangers. I can't wait to see the surprises for this year.
Me: Yeah! A lot of things have happened over the course of 3 and a half years.
Muscle Man: You know who else is looking forward to the rest of 2020? My mom!
Lana: (Laughs) That's right Muscle Man!
Nico: My New Year's Resolution is to keep making more friends.
Vince: Good idea Nico!
Carol: That's right!
Carla: You said it mommy.
Me: 2019 was very eventful and we did a lot of action and adventure.
Varie: Boy we sure did.
Aylene C.: Boy it was awesome!
Littlefoot: You said it Aylene.
Later we were watching the Rose Bowl Parade and we saw all kinds of awesome floats and it was awesome!
Me: Wow! I love all these floats.
Lola: Me too. They are so beautiful.
Lily Loud: And really colorful and artistic.
Nico: They sure made a lot of beautiful ones.
Laney: Yep.
Then we were watching the Rose Bowl Game. It was awesome!
Lynn: YEAH!
Me: YEAH! How can this day get any better?
William: Let's celebrate the New Year by going to our amusement park!
Everyone: YEAH!
Then Clyde appeared through a portal!
Syd Chang: Hey Clyde.
Clyde: Guys you gotta see this! It's an emergency broadcast on my TV!
TV announcer: The day you've been waiting for is almost here. That's right. Phoenix Land has a new ride. It's big... [roller coaster goes into the stars and then back down to Earth.] It's fast... [Nancy and Harold are riding a roller coaster so fast, Harold flies off of it]
Nancy Suzy Fish: Harold, no!
TV announcer: It's painful... [roller coaster crashes into the ground, causing an explosion]
KRABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!
TV announcer: It's The Flaming Blast of Obliteration! Opening today at Phoenix Land!
Lana: Wow! What a roller coaster!
Me: Yep, we just built it. Lily told us about an awesome Roller Coaster she went on over at Glove World with SpongeBob and Patrick and we got the idea for it.
Lily: Oh yeah! That was awesome! That was the Fiery Fist O' Pain and it was awesome!
Gali: I remember seeing that. That was awesome!
Me: Lets head over there!
We were off to our awesome amusement park.
Lincoln: Wait for me, guys.
We were walking towards Phoenix Land.
Lincoln: Whoo! Flaming Blast of Obliteration, here we come.
Timmy Monroe: Yeah, dudes, we're all riding the Blast of Obliteration.
Boy #2: I heard somebody rode it and his spine fell out.
Timmy: [laughing] Dude, I hope my spine falls out.
Taylor: [laughing] Yeah, me too.
Me: Boy the new Roller Coaster we built looks like its a success.
Lincoln: Boy, the Blast of Obliteration sounds...
Clyde: Really, really scary. I mean fun! Fun, really, really fun.
Lincoln: Yeah, really fun.
We arrived at Phoenix Land and we saw our new roller coaster we built. It was a massive and terrifying new roller coaster with lots of awesome loops and twists and it had one super tall ramp that went out into space. Lightning came out of storm clouds around the tall ramp and the car came back down fast and a massive explosion happened when the car hit the bottom.
KRABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!
Lincoln: That sure looks like fun.
Clyde: Yeah, I can't wait to ride it.
Me: Here we are guys. Phoenix Land. The only amusement park opened all year and on Major Holidays.
Laney: This is amazing!
Lizzie Morris: Your new amusement park is awesome!
Fu: (Offscreen) I'll say and the pay is worth it.
We saw Fu and she had a tray full of cotton candy.
Me: Hey Fu.
Fu: Hey guys.
Lana: I didn't know you work in Phoenix Land, Fu.
Fu: It's an awesome job. Lady Hokage said that we should diversify in the number of jobs we do besides being a shinobi.
Me: Good thinking. And with your Shinobi abilities you can do multiple jobs all at once. We're heading over to ride the Flaming Blast of Obliteration.
Fu: That roller coaster is awesome!
Laney: I heard about it.
Lucy Heartfilia: It sure looks awesome!
Fu: See ya at home guys.
Me: Will do.
We walked and found the line for the ride.
Lincoln: There it is. The line looks awfully long.
Clyde: Oh, I know! Let's go on some of the dumb kiddie rides first.
Me: Good idea Clyde. Lets go have some fun while we're here.
Everyone: YEAH!
Some of us went onto the regular rides like the bumper cars, mad tea cups and others, some of us went to the prize booths and more and everyone else went to the other rides and more.
Lincoln: Can you believe some people are afraid to ride roller coasters?
Clyde: Yeah, only a real baby would be afraid of a roll... Whoa!
Lincoln: I can't believe it, Clyde. It's Fiery Bird! [a man in a cool red, orange and yellow phoenix costume is standing in front of them] Get over there and I'll take your picture with him. [Clyde moves a few steps into the camera phone so he's not too close to Fiery Bird] Get closer, Clyde.
Clyde: Nuh-uh.
Lincoln: Come on, closer. [Clyde moves a little closer] That's it, a little more. Now hold onto his thumb. Give me a big smile. [takes the picture]
Clyde: How do I look? [pictures shows Clyde touching Fiery Bird with only a finger] Wow, I look great. [a little kid is laughing on one of the kiddie rides]
Lincoln and Clyde: The Firechick!
Me: That's an adorable ride we built for kids
Lincoln: [clears throat] I mean, The Firechick.
Clyde: That ride's for babies.
Lincoln: Yeah. Let's ride it just to see how baby-fied it is.
Me: Okay.
[Both Lincoln and Clyde walk over and get into the ride, with the little kid. When they go over a bump, they scream. When the ride is over, they get out and both are shivering; the baby snaps his fingers at Lincoln and Clyde and walks away]
Clyde: I guess that ride was too much for the little guy. [cut to Lincoln and Clyde standing in line by the Flaming Blast of Obliteration]
Lincoln: Well, the line looks a little bit shorter now. Can you believe that some people are scared of this ride? [both chuckle nervously]
Me, Kevin Levin and Captain America were figuring them out.
Clyde: Yeah, it's perfectly safe. No one gets hurt riding these roller coasters. [an old man is wheel chaired out of Phoenix Land!]
Old Man Walker: Oh, why, why, why? [Lincoln and Clyde scream and run off] Why won't you let me on the ride?
Sasuke: Sir, you have a serious medical condition.
Old Man Walker: But it's my birthday! [cut to Lincoln and Clyde running through a line, cheering]
Clyde: Yeah!
Lincoln & Clyde: One more time!
Tom: You know, this is the line for the bathroom.
Lincoln: [laughs] We've gone eight times.
Clyde: And I went three times all by myself.
Tom: I'm going to walk away now. [does so]
Lincoln: Bye.
Me: You guys are funny.
Clyde: Have fun! [Lightning walks up]
Lightning: Lincoln! Clyde!
Lincoln: Hello, Lightning.
Me: Hey Lightning! What's happening?
We high five.
Lightning: I just got off the Blast of Obliteration. Man, what a rush. [sniffs his armpit then sighs in relief as a green odor is released from under his arm] You smell that? That's the smell of adrenaline. [Lincoln's and Clyde's eyebrows disintegrate]
Lincoln: Oh, it's, uh... [holding breath] very manly, Lightning.
Me: Invigorating Lightning!
Lightning: Thanks [picks up Lincoln and smells him] Lincoln, I'm not smelling any adrenaline on you. You haven't gone on the ride?
Lincoln: Um, I have a confession to make. We haven't gone on the ride because I'm... hungry. I'm very hungry. Hungry, hungry! [runs off]
Lightning: Come on, Clyde. You and me, pal?
Clyde: I'm hungry, too. [runs off]
Lightning: Maybe I should stop making people smell me.
Me: You can come with us Lightning. I think we know what's going on
[Cuts to Lincoln and Clyde sitting at a table, eating ice cream, and looking at the explosions on the Blast of Obliteration]
KRABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!
Clyde: Want some?
Lincoln: No thanks, Clyde. Um, you got ice cream in your eyebrows.
Clyde: Yeah, that's the problem with this brand.
Me: Lincoln, I think you and Clyde are scared of the roller coaster.
Lincoln: (Sighs) Yeah we are J.D.
Clyde: It's really scary for us.
Me: Aw it's okay guys.
Everyone else came to us.
Lana: What's wrong guys?
Lisa: It appears that our elder brother and his best friend unit appear to be showing a cowardly yellow stripe towards the newest Roller Coaster.
Laney: They're scared of the new Roller Coaster?
Syd Chang: Oh man.
Kevin Levin: (to Lincoln) Dude, you and the others fought several bad guys, powerful monsters and save the universe several times, and yet, you're scared of a roller coaster?
Edd: This is quite normal for children.
Captain America: Lincoln, it's ok to be afraid. That shows that despite our powers and accomplishments, deep down, we're still only human.
Lightning: I just tried that roller coaster a few minutes ago. I found it awesome! And I barely needed powers to survive it!
Me: That's right.
Earth: If you want, I can go with you Linky.
Syd Chang: Same here Clyde.
Lincoln: Really? Okay Earth.
Clyde: I would like that Syd.
Me: Awesome! Lets go!
Lincoln: [reads the sign] Warning! This ride may cause: Crying, screaming, projectile vomiting, amnesia, spine loss, embarrassing accidents, uncontrollable gas...
Lincoln & Clyde: ...and explosive diarrhea. [explosion is heard]
KRABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!
Lincoln: Is that all?
Clyde: Big deal, I did half that stuff this morning.
Syd Chang: It's okay Clyde. We're with you.
Earth: That's right Linky.
Clyde: After you. [both sit down in the ride]
Lincoln: We made it.
Clyde: Yeah.
Syd Chang: This is gonna be awesome!
Employee #3: Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. [buckles them, puts on helmets, and wraps them up] There.
Employee #4: Now if you could just sign this release, absolving Phoenix Land in case of accidental spine loss... [Lincoln, Clyde, Syd and Earth sign their name] Well, nice knowing you.
Employee #3: Ready in ten...
Lincoln: This is it, guys.
Earth: Oh yeah!
Employee #3: Nine, eight...
Lincoln: We made it!
Employee #3: Seven, six...
Clyde: We're not scaredy cats.
Employee #3: Five, four...
Lincoln: We're not crybabies.
Employee #3: Three, two...
Lincoln & Clyde: We're brave!
Employee #3: One... [when he presses the 'GO' button, Lincoln & Clyde scream, but the roller coaster breaks down]
Henry: [over speaker] Uh, we're experiencing some technical difficulties.
Employee #3: Man, this cheap thing is always breaking down.
Me: Let me see that stupid thing.
I kicked it and it was working again.
Employee #3: Oh, wait, it's fine.
Lincoln & Clyde: Huh?
Employee #3: Have fun. [presses the 'GO' button again. They all take off but their wrapping and helmets have come off]
Lincoln: Clyde, I don't want to face my fears. I'm afraid of them! [when they get to the top, it stops for a moment] Goodbye, Clyde. Goodbye Earth.
Clyde: Goodbye, Lincoln. Goodbye Syd.
[Coaster starts again, dropping and going around many loops and tunnels and they had a lot of fire in them and they through a saw, a flaming fist, a log ram, a wrecking ball, lightning blasts and a laser. When the coaster drops at a 90 degree angle, Lincoln, Clyde, Syd and Earth's skeletons fly through the air while their bodies go down with the coaster. Their skeletons fly into them as they go up, out of the sky and into space, but when they sit up, they have the other one's skeleton. The coaster drops into the ground, causing an explosion.]
KRABBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!
[When the ride is over, Lincoln was hugging Earth and Clyde was holding Syd Chang, shaking]
Woman: [over speaker] Please wait until the car has come to a complete stop. And stop crying!
Employee #3: It's over. You can get out now.
Lincoln & Clyde: We did it! [both get out and run around in circles]
Clyde: That was so much fun!
Me: That was awesome!
Lori: Great job boys!
Syd Chang: Way to go Clyde!
Earth: Yeah Linky!
Lincoln: We conquered our fears!
Clyde: We stopped crying!
Lincoln: We survived the Blast of Obliteration!
Employee #3: Hey, hold it right there! You forgot these.
Lincoln, Clyde, Earth and Syd: Our spines! [grab their spines]
Me: Geez! Those kids weren't kidding! That ride does cause spine lose!
Lincoln: Yeah! [when they grab them, they start to wiggle their bodies and then bend them backwards. They laugh]
Lincoln: Let's go again!
Clyde: Yeah!
Syd Chang: That was so awesome!
Earth: I'll say!
We later went home and got their spines put back in.
Nico: That was so much fun!
Vince: Boy you said it!
Lola: We won all kinds of awesome prizes too.
Lana: You said it!
Lila Loud: Yeah!
Laney: But it was so cool seeing Lincoln and Clyde conquer their fears like that.
Me: Boy you said it Laney. But they are gonna be in a lot of pain after having their spines put back.
Sora: I can heal them.
Me: Thanks Sora.
Qin: Yeah. J.D. I heard from Vince that you were known as the Hero of Prague who saved the world from Vostok.
Me: Yep. That was one of my first fights.
Nico: Who is Vostok?
Me: He was a former Soviet Union K.G.B. operator that went rogue when the Soviet Union fell from power.
I pulled up his history.
Vostok was a hard-line Siberian army general and former KGB agent who resented the former Soviet Union's abandonment of Communism. He sought to use a living golem to overthrow the Czech Republic's current government headed by President Alena Stasny. To this end, he posed as Czech scientist Professor Karst's chauffeur, but was recognized by Race Bannon. He sent an attack helicopter to kill Bannon, but the pilot failed, and Bannon stole the chopper.
Still posing as Karst's chauffeur, Vostok accompanied him and the Quests to where the golem was. After Vostok brought the stone giant to life by carving an infinity symbol into its forehead using an artifact Vostok hard murdered another Czech scientist to obtain, Vostok betrayed Karst, and ordered the golem to kill him and the Quests. Although Karst seemed to die, the Quests were able to escape thanks to the intervention of Race Bannon in the helicopter.
Gathering his men, led by his second in command Colonel Dimitri, Vostok led an assault against President Stasny's mansion, using the golem as a spearhead. The golem laid waste to the Czech soldiers and flipped a tank over, smashing the top end into the upper floor of the house, allowing Vostok and Dimitri, the latter armed with a machine pistol, to simply walk up it like a ramp.
Vostok confronted Stasny and the Quest and ordered the golem to kill them. However, it turned out that Professor Karst had survived the attack earlier. He knocked out Dimitri, took his gun, and attempted to kill his former business partner. As the two fought over the artifact which controlled the golem, part of the ceiling caved in on them, destroying the golem and killing Karst. However, Vostok survived and escaped.
Later, he weaponized Dr. Gunter Erikson's ability to freeze large amounts of water, the Bifrost Effect, using it to steal a Russian submarine, the Gagarin. He was killed when Dr. Quest turned the Bifrost Effect against him; as Vostok launched torpedoes, the water around his submarine froze, preventing the torpedoes from advancing any further. The resulting explosion destroyed the Gagarin, killing Vostok.
Qin: Whoa! I had no idea he was that dangerous!
Me: The Russian Federation ordered its entire military to kill him on sight for terrorism. But here's what happened.
FLASHBACK
Me: (Narrating) It was back in 2013 in Prague, the Capital City of the Czech Republic. Me and my family were on vacation there when we found out that Vostok was terrorizing the area with the golem. I found out about this and went after Vostok. It was the most brutal and ferocious fight I've ever faced.
Past me kicked Vostok in the face and I kicked the Scriv out of his hands and stopped the Golem. Then we engaged in a brutal fist fight! We screamed and roared and went at each other and engaged in a ferocious fight! We grabbed each other and I punched him in the face and kicked him in the stomach and he punched me in the face and I kicked him in the face and he kicked me in the stomach and I punched him in the stomach and he punched me in the face twice and I dodged his third strike and punched him in the face and he kicked at me and I dodged his strike and punched him in the face and kicked him in the stomach. He came at me and fired a bunch of bullets and I deflected them away and punched him in the face and kicked him in the chest and punched him in the face again! He got up and went at me and punched me in the face and kicked me in the stomach with devastating force and I crashed into a rock and belched up a huge amount of blood. He grabbed me and threw me down and pile drove me and I belched up even more blood and it got on his face and he was screaming in pain as it burned him and I got up and punched him in the face and kicked him and punched him in the face and he punched me in the face with devastating force and knocked out some of my teeth and I was thrown to the ground and he jumped and just as he was about to smash my head in, I grabbed he foot and threw him into a rock and I kicked him with devastating force and I grabbed his arm and broke it. He then got up and viciously punched me in the stomach and I belched out a huge amount of blood and I punched him away.
Past me: YOU CAN'T WIN VOSTOK!
Vostok: (RUSSIAN ACCENT) THIS PLANET WILL BE MINE IN THE NAME OF COMMUNISM AND YOU ALL WILL DIE WITHOUT FREE WILL!
Past me: LIKE HELL IT WILL BE YOU MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!
We went back to fighting! We were mercilessly thrashing each other and we weren't gonna give up until one of us dies! I punched him in the face with devastating force and he belched up a huge amount of blood and I kicked him in the stomach and punched him in the face! Vostok punched me in the stomach and kicked me in the face with devastating force and I belched up a huge amount of blood and I dealt him a deadly uppercut and kicked him in the face. He growled ferociously and punched me in the stomach and dealt me a deadly uppercut!
I landed and he had a pipe ready and we clashed with them. We stood ready to clash again.
Vostok: It is over.
Past me: (Speaking Russian) Сделай свой лучший выстрел, ты, коммунистический ублюдок! (Take your best shot you communist motherfucker!)
He came at me and and I kicked him in the head and bashed him in the head with the pipe and knocked him out.
Me: It was one of the most brutal fights I've ever had. But I saved all of Prague from a fate worse than death. Vostok wanted to bring back the Soviet Union and everyone into the age of Communism.
FLASHBACK ENDS
Me: That's what got me Prague's highest honor: The Order of The White Lion medal.
Everyone: Wow!
Girl Jordan: That's incredible!
Stella (Loud House): It sure is.
Nico: Wow! But what happened to Vostok?
Me: He was taken back to Russia and brought to trial for his crimes. They sentenced him to spend the rest of his miserable life in the Black Dolphin Maximum Security Prison. It's Russia's toughest maximum security prison and the toughest prison in the world. It's only reserved for the most dangerous criminals in the world.
I pulled up its info.
Federal Governmental Institution — penal colony № 6 Federal Penitentiary Service of Russia in Orenburg region (Russian: ФКУ ИК-6 УФСИН России по Оренбургской области or Федеральное Казённое Учреждение — Исправительная Колония №6 Управления Федеральной Службы Исполнения Наказаний России по Оренбургской области), commonly known as the Black Dolphin Prison (Russian: Чёрный дельфин, Cheornyi delʹfin), is a correctional facility in Sol-Iletsk, Orenburg Oblast, Russia, near its border with Kazakhstan. The prison is one of the oldest in Russia, and one of the first in the Orenburg region to accept prisoners with life sentences. It gets its unofficial name from a prisoner-constructed[citation needed] sculpture depicting a black dolphin, which is set in front of the main entrance.
The prison houses approximately 700 of the most serious criminals in Russia, including child molestors, murderers, terrorists, cannibals, serial killers, political prisoners and so-called "maniacs". Prisoners at Black Dolphin are all serving sentences of imprisonment for life. The prison began accepting these inmates on 1 November 2000.
Inmates are kept isolated and housed in cells that have a set of three steel doors. For 90 minutes a day, they are transported to a large cage for exercise; during this time, cells are searched for contraband or illegal items. Prisoners at Black Dolphin are kept under 24-hour supervision; they are not permitted to rest or sit on their bunks from the time they are awoken until it is time to sleep again, a span of about 16 hours. Every 15 minutes, a guard makes rounds to ensure inmates are complying with the rules. The prisoners are fed soup four times a day. The prisoners are only allowed books, newspapers, and a radio (which is their only link to the outside world). When prison officers make a command to the inmates, they must respond with the words "yes, sir" (Russian: есть, гражданин начальник, tr. yest', grazhdanin nachalnik, which has the literal translation of lit. "It is so, Citizen Chief").
Prison guards place blindfolds on arriving prisoners so that they can not map out the prison or plan escapes. Prisoners are also blindfolded whenever they are transported between buildings. Also unique to Black Dolphin is the form in which guards escort inmates; prisoners are kept bent over at the waist while a guard holds their handcuffed hands behind their back, higher than the inmate's hips. This "stress position" allows for maximum control over the inmate while depriving him of a view of his immediate surroundings, and prevents him from escaping and attacking prison staff. While there have been rumors of inmate abuse and misconduct at Black Dolphin Prison, there have been no confirmed reports or complaints.[dubious – discuss]
Originally, Black Dolphin was a jail (Ostrog) for those sentenced to life at hard labor, a purpose it had dating to at least 1745. After the suppression of Pugachev's Rebellion in 1773, the prison was updated for the deportation and confinement of robbers.
German actress Carola Neher died at Black Dolphin in 1942.
Nico: Whoa! That prison looks dangerous!
Me: It is. That's what makes it one of the most dangerous prisons in the world.
Laney: Wow.
Me: But after we built the space prisons, I had Vostok moved to the Neptune Prison for Traitors and he was placed in the supermax portion of the prison.
Nico: Good riddance. Vostok has failed this world.
Liberty: He sure has.
May: Yeah.
We continued talking and we had an awesome New Year.
THE END
Another Fanfiction Complete and an awesome SpongeBob episode complete!
Happy New Year to you all and happy first day of 2020. Roller Cowards was one of the funniest episodes of SpongeBob season 5 and it was awesome! NicoChan11 gave me the ideas for this. Thanks man. Let me know what you all think. Next up is the first chapter for Rocko's Modern Life and it will be a battle against the Sausage Cult Leader. Get ready for salivary overload as we eat sausage!
See you all tomorrow