"I like Kendall as a name," says Caroline, propped up in bed, looking fondly down at her protruding stomach.
"Isn't that a girl's name?" Logan wrinkles his brow in distaste.
"It's gender-neutral." Caroline reads from the book of children's names. "Kendall, a gender-neutral name of British origin. Traditionally a surname, it means 'the Kent river valley.'"
"What do rivers have to do with my son?"
"Kent is known as the garden of England. It's a tribute to me. He's my son too."
"Shouldn't I have some say in naming my eldest?"
"Don't let Connor hear you say that."
Logan waves a hand to convey that Connor is irrelevant. "Fine. Name him whatever the fuck you want."
"Could you not swear in front of the bump?"
"I want him to have my name as his middle name."
"Of course, darling." Appeased, Logan bends down to peck his wife on the lips.
…
Kendall sits alone in his mother's kitchen. He feels foolish for even thinking that his mom would want to talk to him about anything difficult.
He imagines saying the words out loud, saying, "Mom, I killed a kid." He can see her look of horror, but ultimately she would put her arms around him and reassure him that he's not a monster and that she still loves him. Kind of like his father had done.
He had wanted to break down in his mother's arms. He had wanted someone with no agenda to comfort him and tell him what to do. He had wanted the pain in his chest to stop, if only temporarily.
He's imagined telling Connor, Roman, Shiv, Rava and Stewy. In his head, they all react in the same way, initial shock followed by love and support. He can't bring himself to break that fantasy. He can't bring himself to actually tell anyone.
It's a good thing, really, that his mother doesn't want to listen anyway.