At the Vatican, Pope Barney addressed his fellow cardinals on the subject of Christmas. "The word 'Christmas' is not in holy scripture," Cardinal Marco pointed out.
There was a long awkward silence in the hall. "How...astute of you," Pope Barney remarked and then turned to Cardinal Lucio for a counterpart.
"The birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, was celebrated by the angels, the shepherds, and the Wiseman. We should, therefore, also celebrate it," Cardinal Lucio said.
"When though?" Cardinal Marco questioned. "And in what manner?"
"Queen Kara wants Christmas celebrated on the 25th of December according to the tradition of the 21st century," Pope Barney revealed.
"Preposterous, shepherds would not have been in the fields during a cold winter day in Israel," Cardinal Marco scoffed. "If we are to celebrate Christmas, it should be in spring or summer."
"What is the original reasoning for the 25th of December in the first place?" Cardinal Lucio asked curiously.
"The date is close to the winter equinox in the northern hemisphere and thus represents a return to the light after the longest night. It is also close to the date of the Roman holiday dedicated to the Sun god. This holiday was then incorporated into Christian practices when pagans were assimilated. Finally, there is this notion that a great man dies on the same day as his conception which would be the spring. His birth, therefore, would be nine months from the time of his conception landing in December," Pope Barney explained.
"None of this is Biblical. It's an absurdity," Cardinal Marco insisted.
"We can't very well have Easter and Christmas close together on the calendar," Cardinal Lucio pointed out.
"The winter months create opportunities for families to come together inside and enjoy each other's company," Pope Barney remarked.
"What of the southern hemisphere or tropical areas?" Cardinal Marco pointed out.
"Queen Kara will insist that Christmas be celebrated on the 25th of December. If we contradict her, there could be a schism," Pope Barney warned. "Christmas Day in December ends the year on a high note with hope for the next year. Simply because we observe Christmas in December doesn't mean it had to historically occur in that month."
"It doesn't seem very scientific. We can discover a more accurate date with astronomical records of the Star of Bethlehem," Cardinal Marco objected.
"Assuming the Star of Bethlehem really happened, assuming it was not a spiritual manifestation in the human mind, and assuming what they saw was even something that would be significant to us today," Cardinal Lucio pointed out.
"The Wisemen were following the Star of Bethlehem for years across the desert from Persia. There is no astronomical event that fits," Pope Barney said simply. "Similarly, the rest of the Biblical narrative on our Lord's birth cannot be verified."
Pope Barney and the cardinals pondered on this for a moment. "If we are to celebrate this Christmas, there must not be gift-giving, feasting, drinking, dancing, singing, etc., etc., etc.," Cardinal Marco declared. "It must be a day of reflection, prayer, and total focus on Christ."
"I do not believe the Lord intended for his birthday to be as solemn as yours are," Cardinal Lucio mocked.
"The Lord was born in poverty and so should we be," Pope Barney said even as their meeting was held in an extravagant hall full of artwork, and priceless artifacts, and with them all wearing luxurious clergy robes. "There should be some celebration with singing, praising, dancing...but only in church."
"Yes, Your Holiness!" the cardinals agreed.
London
Kara cut down a big Christmas tree and then planted it in the middle of the city square in London. She proceeded to have workers decorate it from top to bottom with lights. On the top was a bright star. Kara made recordings of all the Christmas songs she could remember and then blasted them all on the radio for the world to listen to. Gathering an orchestra, she also taught them how to play some of the songs. Citizens immediately began ordering items through the system to give to others creating chaos and confusion for Brainiac 5's factories. As part of these festivities, Kara ordered decorated Christmas trees in every church. This created immediate outrage by haters in Scotland.
One such hater was Oliver Wellcrum. At a typical church mass, the human priest gave an ordinary prayer. "Let us pray. Almighty God, look down upon this thy house and we, thy humble servants. Grant us the spirit of thy grace through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen."
"Who the fuck did this?" Oliver spat from the pews.
"The fuck?" the priest wondered.
"Answer me, who has done this?" Oliver asked pointing to the Christmas tree.
"An edict from the archbishop on the order of the queen," the priest said defensively.
"By the order of the queen? Is this not the church of Christ? Would the queen turn the house of God into a pagan temple?" Oliver asked standing up before the congregation.
"Really?" the priest beseeched him.
"Does the queen think that God can be bought with presents, trinkets, and rubbish placed on a tree?" Oliver asked outraged.
"I'm only doing what I'm told," the priest said pathetically.
"Has this queen forgotten the true meaning of Christ's birth? Fuck this tree," Oliver said and then threw it down. He then stomped on it and proceeded to light it on fire. "I will not have the tree of the false god Thor in my house of God. Has this queen forgotten the Inquisition? Is paganism to be given a place in our churches? My God! God damn this queen!"
London
In London, Kara met up with Brainiac 5 at Buckingham Palace during breakfast. "In accordance with your design, the country is to be broken up into sections. Ireland and the very northern tip of Scotland are to be incorporated with the Northwestern Canadian territories, Iceland, and Alaska. It will be referred to as NATO for North Atlantic Territory Organization. The rest of Scotland, northern England, and Wales will be referred to as the United Kingdom. London and surrounding areas will be a country of itself referred to as simply London. As such, I am only Prime Minister of London now," Brainiac 5 said.
"The humans must start governing themselves under my absolute rule," Kara figured.
"As such, the Scots and Irish are now rebelling against you," Brainiac 5 informed her.
"What is it this time?" Kara asked annoyed.
"The Irish simply don't like you," Brainiac 5 began.
"God-forsaken place. It always rains there," Kara shook her head.
"The Scots are marching on Newcastle to protest your Christmas festivities," Brainiac 5 reported.
"You are to whip these haters to their senses," Kara ordered.
"And Ireland?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"I'll deal with them later," Kara rolled her eyes. "You are to march an army on Scotland."
"The drone army has been spread too thin. I barely have enough of them to keep law and order," Brainiac 5 objected.
"Then, we will raise a second army of humans," Kara said obviously.
"Easier said than done," Brainiac 5 said.
"I could raise...three...thousand men in a month," Kara bragged.
"And their loyalty?" Brainiac 5 asked skeptically.
"I have the loyalty of the common people. They would all fight for me," Kara said confidently.
"And you have many enemies that seek to overthrow you," Brainiac 5 reminded her.
"Who? How? And why? Do they not realize that if anything happens to me, Mon-El is next in line. The fuck are they thinking?" Kara asked dismayed.
"It will be expensive to raise a human army. We do not have the resources for it. You will need to summon parliament to reorganize the economy to provide for this army," Brainiac 5 said.
"I am not a beggar, Barney. I simply take what I require. I am the queen. I do whatever the fuck I want...for the common good," Kara insisted.
"You can't rule without an army," Brainiac 5 told her.
"I will raise an army and I will subdue this country before Christmas," Kara said confidently.
"You would wage war against your own people?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"I will not lose the War on Christmas," Kara declared.
Liverpool
The city of Liverpool became the new capital of the United Kingdom separate from that of London. The UK had its own parliament and a regional governor was assigned to it to represent royal interests. Oliver Wellcrum was a member of this parliament and an outspoken critic of the queen. "The queen demands...resources to raise a human army," the regional governor informed parliament.
"Fuck that!" parliament shouted.
"This House demands redress for grievances, grievances which have laid heavy on our nation. I say this House is resolved that we vote no resources for the queen, no army," Prime Minister Pym declared. "Neither will we take up arms against our Scottish brethren unless...unless this House is allowed to function as the true voice of the people of the United Kingdom and not a gathering of lackeys for the queen."
"Oh, fuck us, right?" the Scottish MPs said pissed off.
The regional governor also had enough of this shit and walked out to report to the queen.
London
Regional Governor, Edward Hyde, reported to Kara on the matter. "I believe parliament will agree to the raising of resources for a standing army but only under certain conditions."
"What do you mean...conditions?" Kara glared.
"That the crown relinquishes all authority over parliament," Edward said.
"Who's the slimy little fuck that signed his own death warrant that proposed this?" Kara asked enraged.
"Pym, Ireton, and Hampden," he reported.
"I have no fucking clue who these people are," Kara admitted.
"They're the Puritans, my lady," Edward informed her. "They were very well supported."
"They call themselves Christians? I am the queen by divine right," Kara reminded him.
"Well, the Pope's message on Christmas was a little vague and you haven't had your coronation yet so...," Edward brought up. Mon then entered the room to give Kara some helpful royal advice.
"So, it has come to this. You bargain for your crown now?" he scoffed disrespectfully.
"And what would have me do? Arrest every man that opposes me, hang them?" Kara asked.
"Yeah," Mon said obviously.
"I will not arrest any man without proper charges," Kara told him off.
"Charges are immaterial," Mon said dismissively.
"I have ruled fairly as queen these last several months. I will not be schooled by these elitist snobs in parliament nor by Insane princes," Kara said and then turned to Edward. "Arrest these haters."
"What will the charges be?" he asked.
"I don't care. Make shit up," Kara said dismissively.
Liverpool
The parliament of Liverpool quickly heard of the arrest warrants for the haters and discussed the matter. "A matter has come to my notice, which is of deep concern to me and will, I am sure, be to every single member of this House. The regional governor, this day, put his hand to a warrant for the arrest and impeachment of myself and four other honorable members of this House. Upon a charge of high treason. Though the regional governor's hand be upon this warrant, I see, in this business, not his hand, but that of the queen!" Prime Minister Pym revealed.
"This is some bullshit!" parliament shouted.
Oliver was a clever mother-fucker and knew that attacking the queen directly would be futile. He decided to craft a devious plan to get rid of the queen's inner circle first before a frontal attack. "Do not condemn this queen too hastily. She is a blond ditz that has been persuaded upon this ill-course."
"Isn't the queen to be judged by whom she seeks to receive counsel?" one MP asked reasonably.
"She is not! It is not the function of this House to sit in judgment of the queen. The fault lies within the people from whom the queen has sought counsel. Therefore, I move that the regional governor shall be arrested and impeached for the charge of high treason against the people of this nation," Oliver suggested.
"Fuck yeah!" parliament agreed.
London
Brainiac 5 handed the warrant for the regional governor's arrest to Kara. "They fucking serious?" she shook her head dismayed and proceeded to veto it. The regional governor was then recalled to London for his own personal safety.
Kara went to Liverpool to meet with faction leaders of their parliament personally. They sat down at a table numbering a half-dozen MPs including Oliver. "Let's be clear about something. Every act, every speech, and every communication by my regional governors is to be assumed to be authorized by me. The regional governors speak for me. If this isn't the case, I will correct the situation, myself."
"Your Majesty, parliament is divided among many factions but we are all in agreement in our allegiance to our most gracious sovereign," PM Pym said to her.
"But?" Kara sensed.
"And as such, we are anxious to resolve the differences between us," PM Pym added.
"I share your sentiments," Kara allowed.
"The issue is this, my lady: Parliament believes that without the will of the people and God's guidance, we would not be a parliament at all," PM Pym added.
"You are all elitist snobs of the previous era that I am compelled to work with because you have a certain expertise in government affairs that the common people lack. But you're not the common people nor do you represent them. I represent the common people. I was once a commoner living among commoners. I will not relinquish my absolute rule over parliament and this country," Kara told him off. "I will not be a figurehead, a puppet."
"I am persuaded, Your Majesty, that the UK must move forward with a more enlightened form of government based upon a true representation of a free people: democracy," Oliver said boldly.
"Democracy? What the fuck is that? A greek tragedy?" Kara mocked.
"The people would rather be asked and not just told," Oliver said.
"I can change almost anything but I can't change human nature," Kara shot him down. "The Scots are in rebellion and the English, here, are doing shit about it."
"By endorsing these Christmas festivities, you are dividing the people. It is your duty to defend the church," Oliver told her.
"That is a matter of international policy between me and the pope," Kara evaded.
"Or perhaps it is a matter of domestic expediency," Oliver accused.
"You're being impertinent," Kara warned him.
"Your Majesty, parliament has written up its list of grievances. It is our belief that the demands here are just and lawful and in the best interest of the crown and the country," PM Pym said to her handing her a datapad.
"I'll look over these proposals most carefully," Kara said with false sincerity and then dismissed them away.
Liverpool
Infuriated by their demands, Kara stormed the parliament building in Liverpool with a drone platoon as an escort. Kara lightly pushed on the lock doors forcing them open and then addressed the members of parliament. "Pardon this infringement. This won't take long," Kara said to them all. "The Holy Father has determined that Christmas is to be celebrated in church and in the home but not in public. However, festivities during Christmas time that include gift-giving, tree decorating, feasting, etc., are secular matters and under my domain. Furthermore, neither I nor this parliament will forbid the free exercise of religion to celebrate or not celebrate Christmas however they see fit."
Parliament was silent as Kara took a pause. "Now then. I met with some of you in good faith but I have intelligence reports that some of you are actively involved in high treason to promote rebellion in the country. I've noticed all but Mr. Wellcrum are missing. So...where the fuck are they?" Kara demanded of the speaker.
"I neither have eyes to see nor tongue to speak unless the House allows me to," the speaker replied.
"That sounds like bullshit," Kara said peeved, and then turned to Oliver. "You're under arrest."
Drones immediately went to seize him. "Any action against a member of this House is a breach of privilege. I move this House declare public enemies any who would lay hands upon its members," Oliver said boldly.
Kara eyed Oliver with amazement. "In accordance with the constitution of the dominion, should two-thirds approve you must respect our decision," Oliver continued.
"Do you vote for him...or with me?" Kara asked the parliament.
It then became obvious she was going to lose as the votes were instantly tallied. Kara shook her head dismayed at being defied. "Gentlemen, an immovable parliament is more obnoxious than an immovable queen! You are drunkards, villains, whoremasters, self-seeking, ambitious tricksters. You are no more capable of conducting this nation's affairs than you are of running a brothel! You are scum and not truly elected scum at that. This is no parliament. I shall put an end to it. I hereby declare this parliament dissolved!"
Kara then sulked off. "Your Majesty, are you aware that by your action today, you have pushed this country to the brink of civil war?" Oliver asked her. Kara flipped him off and left the parliament building in a huff.
Parliament was immediately pissed off by this and unemployed, so they declared a civil war against Kara. A militia was formed by the parliament and began marching. Included in this militia army were some clergymen. A meager human army of 5000 was sent to Newcastle to defend it. An army of 20,000 uppity Scots besieged the city and sacked it with minor losses for both sides. Kara ignored the Scottish demands for self-rule and, in particular, their Christmas demands. The rebels moved from Shrewsbury to Worcester sacking it. They then moved on to Edgehill where the royalist drone army confronted them.
Oliver became one of the rebel commanders and encouraged the troops wherever he went. "I've consulted God on this matter. I asked him, 'Lord, whose side are you on?' And he answered me, saying, 'On the side of truth and justice.' So here I am!" he said to his men.
The royalist drone army arrived on the field to meet the rebels. With the drone army spread thin across the globe, they were significantly outnumbered on the field by the rebels. The morale of the rebels was high as the drone army wasn't likely to fight with lethal intent. Should Kara destroy the army on the field, herself, or allow her drone army to slaughter the army, it would turn her into a butcher.
"O Lord, defend our cause against the face of the enemy. Save us from the violence of the enemy. O Lord of hope, fight for us that we may glorify thee. O Lord, God of mercy. Put thy strength in our hands this day. Give not the battle to the strong, but to the righteous. And be thou, O merciful God, our savior, and mighty deliverer. Defend me from them that rise up against me. In the name of Jesus Christ," Oliver said as they were about to attack.
"Amen!" his men shouted.
The rebel commanders hesitated to make the first move against the drone army and the two sides simply stood there. "What in the name of God are we waiting for? Ireton! I thought we came here to do battle," Oliver raged.
"We're waiting for the appointed time," Ireton replied.
"The appointed time? The fuck? Colonel Hampden, commence firing! Fire!" Oliver ordered.
The rebel artillery fired on the drone army with limited success. The drone army fired back with artillery of its own intentionally missing to try to scare the rebel army off the field. "O Lord, thou knowest how busy I must be this day. If I forget thee, do not thou forget me," Oliver prayed.
As the artillery barrage from both sides continued, rebel supply trucks, armored vehicles, and ammunition supplies were hit. The drone army remained on the field with drones occasionally hit by shells and dropping. Once the artillery had died down, the rebel tanks and armored vehicles charged forward. Drone tanks and rebel-manned tanks fired on one another in an inconclusive battle.
The rebel infantry then advanced into the drone army creating a total cluster-fuck of hand-to-hand fighting and close-range shooting. The drones stunned the humans with every shot while the humans did minimal damage to the drones with their own weapons. The rebels soon became skittish and retreated from the field. "Why in the name of Christ did you sound the retreat? What the actual fuck?!" Oliver shouted at the rebel generals, Essex and Manchester.
"Oliver, shut the fuck up? You started this," Essex told him off.
The drone army allowed the rebels to leave the field and then left as well. Despite the tenderness of the drone army, there were human casualties. Oliver left his unit like a total asshole on the notion that he was going to recruit "real men" who have "fire in their bowels for the Lord."
The rebels moved on from Edgehill towards Oxford where they made the city their base of operations. Bristol and Roundway Down soon fell allowing the rebels to receive troop shipments from rebel Irishmen. General Essex then took Gloucester but was checked by drone forces at Newbury near London.
Naseby
Oliver then came back to the field with an army of his own but was confronted by a larger drone army this time that had been taken from neighboring Western European countries. At Naseby, the two forces met on the battlefield. Hover tanks and transport crafts arrived on the scene and began unloading thousands of drone troops. As the drones assembled into formation, the tanks fired on the rebels without mercy. This time, the rebels were blasted apart with real shells and missiles. The drone army then marched forward with automatic plasma rifle fire. The rebels came closer to the attacking drone and attempted to fight hand-to-hand with them. Occasionally, a missile would hit a drone tank stopping it. Air support then arrived with fighters mowing down the rebels with gunfire. Realizing the drones were not playing, the rebels retreated from the battlefield.
In Liverpool, Oliver addressed the defunct parliament to talk mad-shit against his rivals for the disaster at Naseby. "The outrageous incompetence and inefficiency of the high command have tried my patience and that of my hard-pressed army long enough. By my faith, I swear it would be better that those gallant generals, Essex and Manchester, took up swords with the queen. For then might we be assured of victory? For by their reluctance to pursue this war with the intensity it demands, they have proved treacherous both to our cause and to this nation." Oliver accused.
"If we beat the queen 99 times, she will still be our queen. If she beats us but once, we shall all be hanged," Essex said defensively.
"If that is so, then why in the bowels of Christ did we take up arms against her in the first place?" he asked incredulously. "Gentlemen, honest men have served us faithfully and many have died that this House may sit in freedom and this nation live in liberty. In the name of God, I beseech you do not desert them now. Unless Parliament supports this war to the full I am bound to say, in all conscience, that I will lay down my sword and let this House make its peace with the king be that peace ever so base. Then, it is for this House to decide. I move that this House demands the immediate resignation of the high command on the grounds that they be no longer competent to command the armed forces of this parliament," Oliver motioned.
The parliament voted overwhelmingly to sack Essex and Manchester and make Oliver their commander in chief.
Rome
Kara went to the Vatican to meet with Pope Barney on the War on Christmas. "These assholes in England are fighting a civil war against me, sacking cities, killing my people, over fucking Christmas festivities. You need to fix this," Kara demanded.
"It's quite obvious neither Christ nor St. Paul would have approved of extravagant festivities, gift-giving, feasting, drinking, and entertainment on this day. It should be a day of prayer, reflection, and worship," Pope Barney resisted.
"I established the freedom of religion in my dominion. That means the government nor some rebel mob gets to tell anyone how they can conduct Christmas," Kara said.
"It's a rather weak argument. There's nothing mandatory nor sincere about the need for these festivities to practice one's religion. These proposed restrictions on Christmas are of a secular nature. The Parliament of the United Kingdom passed these restrictions and overrode your veto. You're obliged, by your own constitution, to not interfere," Pope Barney pointed out.
"I dissolved their ass. I can do that," Kara insisted. "So, they can't do shit until the next election which is after Christmas."
"By dissolving a parliament whenever you don't get what you want, you set a dangerous precedent as a queen," Pope Barney lectured.
"It's fucking legal," Kara said argumentatively. "And they're now invading the London region now. That isn't legal."
"I recommend you sue for peace," Pope Barney said dismissively.
"You are going to tell everyone you were wrong and that celebrating Christmas is totally okay," Kara ordered.
"The pope admitting he's wrong? You must be joking," Pope Barney mocked.
"You, mother-fucker. I put you in that chair to serve me and my religion," Kara told him off.
"Perhaps the version of Christianity you converted to was not as rational, not as pure as it could have been," Pope Barney said condescendingly. "It's of little consequence how differing regions celebrate Christmas."
"It is to me. In the 21st century, you could be jailed, tortured, and executed for celebrating Christmas in certain countries. I will not allow the same to happen again. These elitist fucks in these non-elected parliaments don't know the common people as I do. They want Christmas the way I celebrated it. They want Christmas trees, carols, decorations, lights, stockings, presents, gingerbread houses, nutcrackers, ugly sweaters, candy canes, and fucking eggnog!" Kara raged.
"Perhaps a compromise can be reached," Mon said, emerging from the shadows.
"If it involves hunting reindeer for sport, I don't want to hear it...again," Kara shot him down.
"Speak, my son," Pope Barney allowed.
"We make Christmas Day boring as fuck where everyone goes to church and thinks about baby, Jesus," Mon proposed. "But two weeks later, we celebrate Christmas with all the festivities you want. Just make it a different day."
"Why would it be two weeks later? What's the fucking point of that?" Kara asked impatiently.
"It's the Feast of the Epiphany, the arrival of the Wisemen with gifts," Pope Barney said obviously. "It's slated for January 6th on the calendar."
"No one gives a fuck if the Feast of the Epiphany gets commercialized," Mon added.
"Not even I," Pope Barney admitted.
"You expect me to not open my presents on Christmas Day? You expect me to wait two more weeks to open my presents just so I will observe Christ's birthday with the dignity and respect it deserves?" Kara asked incredulously.
"I tried," Mon threw up his hands.
Kara sighed not wanting to compromise or give in. "It's just...it was a Danvers' family tradition to celebrate Christmas, even with all the nonsense, on the day of. I remember my first Christmas as if it were yesterday. Back then, I didn't question any of the absurdities. What you're asking me to do...is to renounce those memories, to call what we did a sin because we weren't focused enough on the real thing. Well, I was focused enough, damn it!"
"It may not necessarily be a sin to celebrate Christmas in the old way but we don't simply seek the avoidance of sin but to better ourselves to the highest virtue," Pope Barney told her.
"Everyone else can celebrate Christmas on the day of except for these English haters who can celebrate it two weeks later," Mon suggested.
"No, it has to be universal," Kara objected. "Fine, we'll do as has been suggested but I'll do whatever the fuck I want in my own home on that day."
From St. Peter's Square, Pope Barney addressed the crowds and the press. His address was to be seen and heard around the world. "Christmas Day is to remain a holy day with mandatory church attendance and fasting from food, drink, gifts, work, and entertainment. It shall be a day where all shall focus on one thing, the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. For God humbled himself in the form of an infant to show us His love for us all," Pope Barney ordered.
"Now, the Feast of Epiphany shall also be celebrated where we reflect upon the visitation of the magi. These Wisemen from the East followed the Star of Bethlehem and knew the prophecies of the scriptures. Upon finding the baby Jesus, they offered gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Gold, to crown him again. Frankincense for prayer and praising. Myrrh to perfume the dead body of Jesus in the tomb. Therefore, when you give gifts to one another reflect on the birth, life, and death of your loved ones with the proper respect they deserve. On this day, you may celebrate the birth of Jesus in whatever manner your culture sees fit," Pope Barney declared.
After Pope Barney's declaration, support for the rebel cause in the United Kingdom evaporated. Oliver continued to fight on declaring that even this compromise was an abomination to God. He was arrested and came before Kara in Oxford after the city had been liberated.
"By whose command am I under arrest?" he demanded in a defiant tone.
"Mine...obviously," Kara smirked.
"There is no authority above that of the king, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ," Oliver replied.
"The Holy Father has clarified the issue. There will be no festivities on Christmas Day. We shall celebrate it with gusto on the Epiphany," Kara said. "Your work here is finished. You can go home, hang up the old hat, and stop making decisions that get people killed for nothing. Now, kneel and allow me to pardon you."
"Fuck that," Oliver refused.
"Then, you'll be put on trial," Kara told him.
"Where am I to be taken?" Oliver asked.
"You will be taken to London at once," Kara told him.
"And of my children?" Oliver asked.
"They will be taken care of," Kara assured him. "You may take them with you if you wish."
"Thank you, ma'am," Oliver said respectfully and was then taken away.
Liverpool
Kara went before the Parliament of the United Kingdom in Liverpool. "Honorable men, I thank you for bringing this issue to my attention. All regions within the dominion will now celebrate festivities on the Epiphany with Christmas Day untouched, uncorrupted, by commercialism and hooliganism. However, what families do in their own homes shall not be infringed upon in accordance with the 4th amendment of the constitution. In addition, I promise to never dissolve this parliament or any other parliament in the dominion simply for political expediency. This, I promise to you if your armies stand down," Kara offered.
"The army will not stand down until the queen comes to terms with our other demands as well," PM Manchester told her.
"I'm done," Kara shook her head dismayed.
"If the queen will not talk to this House, she will talk to our army," PM Manchester told her.
"That's out of the question. The fuck is wrong with you people?" Kara refused.
"Parliament is behind me, ma'am. We have a clear majority," PM Manchester reminded her.
"Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit," Kara said pissed off, and then motioned for a drone army to enter the chambers to take control. "I believe I have the majority now."
"This is a dictatorship! You will start a new civil war," PM Manchester accused.
"This is a civil war and when you are in rebellion against the crown, you have no rights, no privileges. Your armies will stand down or I will turn your armies to ash...on Christmas Day," Kara threatened.
London
Kara went to meet with Oliver while he was under house arrest. He was busy not playing with his children and being rather stern to them as usual. "I gave reasonable proposals to parliament," Kara said to him.
Oliver briefly looked over the terms on a datapad. "And has parliament agreed to these terms?"
"I sacked the parliament...again," Kara admitted. "They don't truly represent the will of the people of this country."
"And do you, Your Majesty, represent the will of the people?" Oliver scoffed.
"I represent the heart and conscience of the people," Kara insisted.
"So having failed to negotiate with parliament, you intend to negotiate with me?" Oliver asked incredulously.
"I don't have to negotiate with anyone," Kara corrected. "If I wanted to, I could impose my own absolute government over this country overnight."
"Then, why haven't you done it yet?" Oliver asked.
"Well...I...," Kara stuttered.
"Do it!" Oliver taunted.
"It may come to that...," Kara said.
"Do it, already!" Oliver continued.
"Shut the fuck up, God damn," Kara silenced him. "What do you want me to do? Do you want to get rid of the monarchy?"
"No, that would be unthinkable. We must have a monarch that commands respect, a monarch that governs not from fear but from the affection of a free people. Such a queen could unite our great country of ours. Should you...you know...actually do that...one day...all Englishman would be proud to call you their queen," Oliver said.
Kara simply stared at him and then walked off in a huff.
Liverpool
With Oliver still defiant, Kara put him on trial in the parliament building in Liverpool to make a statement. The United Kingdom Supreme Court was to conduct the trial. Kara addressed the Supreme Court, lawyers, jury, and distinguished guests present. "Here, in the United Kingdom, two out of the three branches of government are still functional...and that ain't bad," Kara assured everyone.
"Let the prisoner be brought in," the Chief Justice permitted.
Oliver was escorted into the building and faced the Supreme Court. "Oliver Wellcrum, you stand accused of high treason and that you traitorously and maliciously levy a cruel war against your sovereign and the people of this nation. You are, therefore, impeached as a traitor, murderer, and public enemy to the British Dominion. Sir, you have heard the charges against you. This court expects an answer," the chief justice demanded.
"The only lawful authority I will answer to is God. By what authority do you presume to judge me?" Oliver replied.
"It's not for the prisoner to ask questions of this court," the chief justice shut him down.
"I'm no ordinary prisoner. I'm kind of a big deal," Oliver reminded him.
"An answer, Sir," the chief justice demanded.
"I refuse to answer," Oliver said defiantly.
After a short trial, the jury easily convicted Oliver of treason. The Supreme Court then voted to sentence Oliver to death.
Oliver was allowed to see his children for one last time. Kara waited patiently for him to be done. "It's a chilly morning. I have a second coat for you. You wouldn't want anyone to think you were trembling from fear," Kara said and then handed him it.
"Thank you, ma'am," Oliver said appreciatively. "I don't fear death. It is not at all terrible to me. I thank my God I have become prepared for it. I thank you for revealing God's truth and salvation to me, my family, and to this nation," he said to Kara.
"We are to...walk," Kara said befuddled by him.
"The morning air will do me good," Oliver approved.
Kara and Oliver walked together to the stage where he was to be executed. He was then allowed to speak to the crowd. "As God as my witness, I forgive those who have brought me here and pray that my death be not laid to their charge. I go now to everlasting peace."
Kara simply stared at Oliver as he took off his coat and readied himself. "I request that I be allowed to pray for a moment and then when I place my hands in front of me, strike me down," he said to Kara.
She merely nodded. Oliver went down on the block where he prayed silently. When he was done, he extended his hands out. Kara fired heat vision beams across his neck beheading him. Kara and the crowd were completely silent and the body was then taken away.
On Christmas Day, Kara celebrated Christmas privately with Mon, Kon, and Mara. Across the British Dominion and the rest of the world, Christmas was holy and silent. By Kara's order, Oliver was allowed a memorial and properly buried. As the children played and Mon drank beer, Kara found herself unsettled. Unable to deal with her handling of the crisis, she fled to the Fortress of Solitude to be alone where she replayed her Christmas memories on the holodeck.
Pilgrims from across the world came to Rome to see Pope Barney conduct the first Christmas mass in several hundred years. For now, the War on Christmas was over.
Author's Notes: This chapter was based on the 1970 Oliver Cromwell movie that is terribly inaccurate but well-acted with Richard Harris being way over the top. During Kara's first year, she's finding herself in constant trouble with her subjects. Oliver Cromwell was anti-Christmas and banned it but that was not a motivation for his participation in the English Civil War.