Season 2

January 3018

As queen, Kara declared that she owned all lands in North America east of the Mississippi River. The North, after a short resistance, was thoroughly crushed and relented to Kara's new system while the South gave her lip service. Kara divided the North into several countries relatively equal in their GDP:

#1. New York (Including Metropolis)

#2. Pennsylvania (Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland)

#3. Ohio (Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin)

#4. Illinois (Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Missouri)

#5. Quebec (Quebec, Newfoundland, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island)

#6. Ontario (Ontario, Minnesota, Alaska, rest of Canada)

In each of these countries, a regional governor was appointed by Kara to act as an executive. These regional governors, however, were mere puppets to Kara's whims. The legislatures of all six countries were dominated by Kara's royalist party with republican minorities. There was a third faction of constitutional unionists that only concerned itself with unifying the country. Despite southern opposition, Kara and Brainiac 5 planted military bases, factories, farms, mines, etc. all over the South as if they owned the place. In January 3018, these installations were attacked and shut down by militias. Colonel Bob Dee was recalled to Metropolis to deal with this matter.

"Welcome, Colonel Dee. Make yourself...comfortable," Brainiac 5 invited him into his office. The two sat down across from each other. "I'll get to the point. Queen Kara has authorized me to give you full command of the reserve army with the rank of major general to quell this rebellion and preserve the union," Brainiac 5 said.

"I assume this army is meant to invade those areas and eliminate the rebellion by force?" Col. Dee assumed.

"That is what armies do," Brainiac 5 said obviously. "These militias are in rebellion against the crown and have been quite effective in influencing national legislatures. These attacks on our interests cannot be ignored."

"I'm from Virginia, my home is on the other side of the Potomac. My family is spread all over the country of Virginia. You want me to lead an army against my home? What the fuck?" Col. Dee wondered.

"There is no great cry for rebellion in Virginia," Brainiac 5 lied.

"That sounds like bullshit," Col. Dee doubted. "The national legislature of Virginia is deciding this very day on the issue. Perhaps you know their mind better than they know themselves."

"I do," Brainiac 5 confirmed.

"This army of 75,000 human volunteers to subdue these cotton countries will only deepen the crisis," Col. Dee argued.

"This is a great opportunity for you to serve your queen," Brainiac 5 said.

"My queen, Mr. Dox? I'm not surprised the queen has raised an army against her own country. Not one bit, but I can't lead this army. I will not lead it. I'm looking to be promoted to full general of the Army of Northern Virginia, profit enormously off the backs of my farm employees, and sign a book deal," Col. Dee said.

"I fear you're making a rather deadly mistake," Brainiac 5 warned.

Col. Dee stood up. "Please convey my deep sense of honor and gratitude towards the queen, but I must decline her offer. Please tell her, please be clear, I have always taken her lightly and believe her to be a crazy bitch. I've assessed the situation and I'm going home...to Virginia."

"Of course, Sir," Brainiac 5 allowed.

Lexington, Virginia

Major Sackson was perpetually pissed off with his officer-cadet students in his class. "Gentlemen, if you wish to succeed at this institution, you better damn listen to my lessons and stop fucking around. I had hoped you would grasp proper military principles, you would eventually apply these principles, but since you're all dumb as fuck, I am compelled to repeat this lesson word-for-word."

"Nice, I wasn't here yesterday," one student said pleased.

"Get the fuck out," Maj. Sackson ordered his students out.

Meanwhile, the Virginia national flag came down as a new Confederacy flag came up. Major Sackson stared with some concern as Virginia had just joined a confederacy to resist Queen Kara's empire. In the Virginia national legislature, newly promoted Confederate General Dee came forth. "Mr. President, gentlemen of the convention, I am fully prepared for the task at hand and there is no man more able than myself. In trusting in capitalism, my fellow citizens, I devout myself to the service of my native country. Not only will I draw my sword against this tyrant queen, but I'm going lick her good."

The crowd applauded with great enthusiasm with Major Sackson moved to tears.

Soon thereafter, Major Sackson was promoted to Colonel in the Virginian Army. In the streets of Lexington, employers and their employees cheered on the troops mobilizing for war. However, Col. Sackson still needed to ensure all of his officers were loyal to his cause. In one case, he sat down with a young private and his father in his office.

"War against the British Empire is unthinkable. Surely, the North and South can work together. Capitalism will die of natural causes. This war will horrify thousands of generations of Americans," the father said.

"What Queen Kara intends to impose on us is a repeat of the bloody history of communism which has been tried countless times over the last thousand years. Capitalism is freedom for both the owner and his employees. This is my understanding of economics and although I love Northerns, I love my money more," Col. Sackson said.

"Well...shit," the father sighed.

"Private Leeroy Jenkins, because of the high regard I have for your father as opposed to you, I will allow you to do as you see fit in this matter. If you leave with your father to Pennsylvania, you won't be coming back. If you stay with us, you cannot leave or you'll be considered a deserter and I will personally fuck you up," Col. Sackson told him.

"I like fried chicken. I stay," Pvt. Jenkins declared.

"I'll give you two my office for as long as you require. I need to get some fresh air," Col. Sackson said as he left dismayed.

On the fields of Virginia, Col. Sackson inspected the drilling troops and met with Chaplain Pendleton. "The men have decided to name the howitzers Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John."

"Is that a reference to something?" Col. Sackson wondered.

"Has my son proven to be an asset to you?" Chaplain Pendleton asked.

"So far, he's been a total f...," Col. Sackson began and stopped himself. "He's been a total favor to me worthy of his family name."

A distance away two soldiers bickered amongst themselves. "What's a bayonet going to do against a drone?" one asked.

"Give it to me if you're not going to use it,' the other said.

"What do you need with two?" the first one asked.

"Ever heard of spare parts?" the second ridiculed.

"I hope a drone puts you out of your misery," the first one replied.

Col. Sackson ignored the idiotic private talk and went over to Captain Wright. "How are my scholars transitioning from books to bullets?" he asked.

"A couple more days of drill and I'll find them all again," Captain Wright replied.

"You're telling me all of my lieutenant cadets got lost?" Col. Sackson asked dismayed. "Well, for everyone else, drill-baby-drill."

"Absolutely, Sir," Captain Wright agreed.

"We shall win with the bayonet. Fight with the bayonet and we will win our freedom to treat our workers however we see fit," Col. Sackson said enthusiastically.

Wilmington, Delaware

Kara was on the scene for a formal flag ceremony. "I'm going to raise this here flag. Assuming this flagpole works, it will be up. And it will be for the people to keep it up but for no longer than four hours...at a time," Kara said to the crowd. "That's my speech," she said flatly as everyone gawked at her. Eventually, the people clapped, and the band played.

On the way back to the statehouse, Kara and Brainiac 5 conversed on their next move. "Even if every Royalist in the House vote for you, far from guaranteed, but even if they were to do so, we would still be 20 votes short to prevent a veto of your proposals," Brainiac 5 reminded her.

"Just twenty votes. That doesn't sound too bad," Kara said dismissively.

"Twenty votes to abolish capitalism, employment?" Brainiac 5 doubted. "The war will be over soon. You will emerge victorious with divine stature. A battle in the House could tarnish your reputation and could be divisive. We could lose."

"I like our chances now," Kara smirked.

Virginia

In the fields of Virginia, Col. Sackson continued to drill and prepare for battle. A fellow officer with a marvelous hat walked up to his tent. "Lieutenant Colonel Stuart, reporting to duty."

"That is an impeccable hat," Col. Sackson complimented.

"Thank you, Sir," Lt. Col. Stuart said pleased.

"I don't suppose you could part with it," Col. Sackson stared him down.

"Well...no, Sir," Lt. Col. Stuart said apprehensively.

"Colonel Stuart, you smoke weed?" Col. Sackson asked.

"Not in any form," Lt. Col. Stuart said taken aback.

"Neither do I," Col. Sackson backtracked.

The two stared at each other as soldier columns marched around in the background. "Pardon, Sir, but...what the fuck are we talking about?" Lt. Col. Stuart asked.

"Sit down," Col. Sackson ordered. "Why have you decided to fight in this war?"

"To defend my home, our homes," Lt. Col. Stuart replied. "I pity the royalists."

"If I had it my way, I would show no quarter to the enemy and it will be my way," Col. Sackson said seriously.

"Nice," Lt. Col. Stuart approved.

"These royalists come down here to take our property and workers, it is the prelude to tyranny, the loss of free and responsible government. It is the strength of our commerce, banks, and factories that will lead us to victory. Only by kicking ass and taking names will the North come back to their senses and end this war. It's science," Col. Sackson declared.

"One way or the other, the South will give them a warm reception," Lt. Col. Stuart smiled.

Metropolis

In the palace, Kara became briefed on all the happenings around the world. "Prince Mon-El is currently leading the French in Vietnam. Italy has unified into one country. I recommend making King Victor the regional governor there. There was a peasant revolt in Russia leading to 90 civilians killed, and there is a full-scale rebellion in China. The Spanish are eager to conquer territories in Latin America...with your permission, of course," Brainiac 5 said.

"How many asses in the South need to be kicked?" Kara asked as she looked over a map.

"All of it," Brainiac 5 informed her.

"Every single southern state voted against me," Kara said dismayed.

"In all fairness, the majority of the north would also vote against you. The only thing giving us political legitimacy is the constitution requiring a two-thirds vote to override your proposals and vetoes," Brainiac 5 said.

"Send an army to Richmond and sack it, immediately," Kara ordered as she drew on the map. "At the same time, take the Mississippi River from St. Louis to New Orleans and cut the South in two. Blockade the entire coastline. Then, take an army and diagonally cut across the South from Nashville to Jacksonville. Then, go back up and take Charleston."

Once Kara was finished, there were red lines all over the South in an incomprehensible web. "I can handle the strategy," Brainiac 5 said delicately.

Virginia

"Just as we would not send any of our soldiers to march in other countries...and tyrannize other people... ...so will we never allow the armies of others to march into ours...and tyrannize our people. Like many of you, indeed most of you, I've always been a peaceful man. It is not with joy or with a light heart that many have welcomed war. Had our neighbors to the North practiced a less bellicose form of persuasion...this day might not have come. But that day has been thrust upon us...like it was thrust upon our ancestors. And we shall not allow the North to thrust itself upon us without our consent!" Col. Sackson said to his cheering men.

Col. Sackson arrived on the battlefield with the battle already starting. The Royalist Army consisted of five infantry divisions or 35 thousand men. The Royalists were led by six Brigadier Generals, all of which were Brainiac 5 drones. All officers present down to the lieutenants were Brainiac 5 drones. The Confederacy brought six infantry brigades of equal numbers to that of the royalists. One of the brigade commanders was Col. Sackson.

Brainiac 5's artillery barrage was deadly accurate with each shot forcing the Confederates back. Brainiac 5 then targeted Col. Sackson, personally, nearly hitting him with shells several times. "Our lines are broken. They've beaten us back," one officer said to Col. Sackson.

"Then we shall give them the bayonet!" Col. Sackson told him.

"The fuck?" the officer wondered.

Brainiac 5 continued to pick off groups of Confederate soldiers in artillery blasts. Even so, Col. Sackson stayed his ground not moving from his position. Brainiac 5 eyed him and noticed he was out of range for his artillery. His soldiers were unaware of this and believed Col. Sackson to be badass. Brainiac 5 then advanced his mostly human army toward the confederates. The two sides exchanged artillery as the royalists advanced. The first rank of confederates went to the ground keeping low while the second rank took a knee.

The royalists and confederates fired intense laser fire against one another dropping hundreds of soldiers on both sides. A group of young confederate officers became a little too zealous and charged forward. "Hey, we have no orders to advance...well...fuck it," the commanding confederate sighed.

The two sides slammed into each other and began fighting in hand-to-hand combat. Waves of men charged at each other and then pulled back. A lieutenant retreated back towards Col. Sackson. "The day is going against us," he said demoralized.

"If you think so, you best shut the fuck up," Col. Sackson replied irritably.

Having forced the confederates to retreat, the royalist army continued its advance. Rise up, Virginia! Stand up, you free men! We're gonna charge them. We're gonna drive them to Metropolis! Give them the bayonet!" Col. Sackson shouted to his men.

The confederates charged and overwhelmed the royalists as they captured their artillery. The confederates then used royalist artillery against them. The two sides charged each other trading the artillery back and forth until the confederates began to have the numerical advantage. Brainiac 5 then dismissed the use of the artillery and pulled his human troops back.

After the battle was over, Gen. Sackson saw that a few of his cadets were dead next to the artillery they had captured. His aide, Lt. Pendleton was with him. "Sir, how can you be so calm and stoic with bullets and shells over your head?"

"I'm kind of a badass," Gen. Sackson replied. "That's how all men should live, like me." He couldn't help but notice that the artillery guns were still facing the wrong way. He looked down at the corpses unimpressed and disappointed. "Word for word," he muttered.

Metropolis

Kara gave Brainiac 5 a suspicious look as he read reports around the world to her. "Russian pirates are currently engaged with Japanese Samurai on the Tsushima Islands, the Mexican president has decided to stop payments on the country's foreign debt, there was a great fire in London, and the Turkish Emperor has died. I have already sent the appropriate number of condolence letters with your signature."

"How the fuck did we lose a battle in Virginia?" Kara asked outraged.

"It was a minor skirmish," Brainiac 5 downplayed. "In the meantime, we have captured West Virginia, are now invading Kentucky, and are solidifying our position in Missouri."

"What about this resolution passed by Congress?" Kara asked irritably.

"The resolution states that the war is to unite the continent, not to end capitalist employment. It was approved nearly unanimously but is non-binding," Brainiac 5 said.

"The war has always been about economics and worker's rights, but let the people think otherwise until we win," Kara allowed.

Virginia

Gen. Sackson spoke to his men in formation after his victory. "Throughout the broad extent of the country through which you have marched by your respect for the rights and property of others you have always shown you are soldiers, not only to defend but able and willing both to defend and protect. You've already won," he declared to his men.

His men cheered him on as he departed back to his office. At his office, Gen. Sackson put priorities in order by interviewing a new cook. "They tell me you're Big Jim," Gen. Sackson said as he stepped in.

"And they say you're a do-nothing in the rear like a stubborn stonewall," Big Jim shot back.

"Stonewall Sackson...I like it," Gen. Sackson smiled.

"Whatever you like, I can cook it," Big Jim said confidently.

"You're from Lexington. You come to me highly recommended, Big Jim," Gen. Sackson remarked.

"Lexington is my home. If I can do my fair share to defend it, I'll be your literal slave," Big Jim said.

"Well, if you love your country, fear science, and have no problem getting up at 4 in the morning, the job is yours," Gen. Sackson told him.

"Four in the morning? Oh, my science. I mean, you have yourself a deal, general," Big Jim said after getting over his shock.

"Remember, minimum wage, no unions, no benefits, and I can fire you at any time. That's the way of capitalism," Gen. Sackson reminded him.

Metropolis

Kara went before the American Congress made up of representatives from all six countries. "I will sign this resolution you have passed to wage war for the sole purpose of preserving the unity of the continent. In return, I hope you will indulge me a little."

The American Congress merely stared in trepidation for what would come next. "Until this war is over, all amendment rights are suspended. I, and any agent of mine, shall do whatever is necessary to preserve the peace. The freedom of the press, the freedom to assemble, gun rights, property rights, privacy rights, trial rights, punishment rights, and rights not specified under the Constitution but have been granted by individual countries and provinces shall all be suspended. I'm putting all the border territories on martial law. And I don't give a fuck what some court has to say about it," Kara declared.

Kara then left the congressional hall leaving legislators stunned as to how to react to this.

Kentucky

The territory of Kentucky declared early on it would remain neutral in the war. This was respected for a week or two before Kara orchestrated a coup that saw the territory's legislature overwhelmingly support the royalists. Still, the governor continued a policy of neutrality however he could. This didn't sit well with Gen. Zapp Branigan.

"I hate these filthy neutrals. With enemies, you know where they stand but with neutrals...you never know," he remarked to his staff. "It sickens me. I mean, what makes a man neutral? Lust for gold, power, or were they just born with a heart of neutrality?" he asked disgustedly.

His officers merely shrugged. Gen. Branigan then made a speech before his men in formations. "Our mission is simple: If we can control Paducah, here, we control the Ohio, Tennessee, and Mississippi Rivers. The rest of the dominos will fall like a deck of cards...checkmate."

Inspired by their objective, Gen. Branigan took Paducah without a fight. He then went to meet the simple townspeople. "I have come among you not as your enemy, but as your friend," he told them with false sincerity.

Shortly thereafter, Gen. Branigan aggressively attacked a confederate camp in Missouri only for the confederates to regroup and force him to retreat back. Despite this setback, Gen. Branigan started sacking confederate forts in Kentucky and Tennessee. When he came upon a well-fortified confederate fort, he was informed by his officers it would be a suicide mission.

"Every mission under my command is a suicide mission," he reminded them.

As such, Gen. Branigan's probing maneuvers all ended in failure. Aerial attacks on the fort ended in retreats. The confederates then attacked Gen. Branigan's right flank defeating them and creating an escape route to Nashville. Despite this, the confederate generals inexplicably retreated back to their fort where they surrendered soon thereafter sacrificing over ten thousand troops.

Gen. Branigan then sat down with the fallen confederate generals, Pillow and Feather. "As chief negotiator, I speak for all of Earth when I mourn the incredible loss of your chickens. We share your pain," he said as he obnoxiously ate some Kentucky Fried Chicken.

"Stop eating our chickens," Gen. Pillow demanded.

"Alright, I'm putting them away," Gen. Branigan allowed, putting his boxes on the floor and then obnoxiously eating more of them on the floor.

From that point on, Gen. Branigan was known as the USB: Unconditional Surrender Branigan.

Metropolis

Impressed by his heroics, Kara recalled Gen. Branigan to Metropolis for dinner, just the two of them. The two of them met at a fancy restaurant on the top floor of a skyscraper. "Hello, beautiful, I got these for you," Gen. Branigan said handing Kara some roses and violets.

"How thoughtful," Kara said and placed them in a vase between them.

"Well...well...well, this is looking to be a disturbingly erotic date," Gen. Branigan smiled. "Waiter, get us a bottle of wine and oysters. I'll have two steaks and the lady will have a sensual salad."

Kara simply nodded to the waiter. "You have a boldness about you, General Branigan."

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your panties off and dance around a little?" Gen. Branigan asked.

"Tell me more," Kara said intrigued.

"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies," Gen. Branigan informed her.

"Well, okay then," Kara said stunned.

"How about some karaoke?" Gen. Branigan suggested.

"It reminds me of my dead sister and friends so I'd rather not," Kara declined.

"Well, more singing for me," Gen. Branigan got up and started an impromptu karaoke session with the band. Kara marched up to Gen. Branigan, took him by the throat, and slammed him to the floor. The rest of the crowd hurried towards the exits as their Supreme Leader was about to murder her star general.

"Ah, you're built like a steakhouse, but you handle like a bistro," Gen. Branigan noted.

Kara was about to kill him on the spot but admired his boldness. She picked him off the floor. "I can't lose you. You're a man that fights."