Supergirl and Brainiac 5 walked the halls of the capital building in Metropolis, bickering with one another. "I thought your suicidal ideations were done with," Brainiac 5 said insensitively.

"It's not suicide if you let someone murder you," Kara said defensively. "Besides, I recovered just fine."

"If not for my timely intervention, you could have lost critical memories or your life," Brainiac 5 pointed out.

"Of which I am so grateful for," Kara said mockingly.

"The system that I have built for this world cannot survive without you at the head," Brainiac 5 reminded her.

"I had no idea Mon would fuck up so badly," Kara lied.

"No idea? The Insane do not govern, they do not lead, they simply rule," Brainiac 5 said obviously.

Kara sighed. "I had an episode, alright. When the assassin came for me, I just felt this sudden release that all my pain would be gone. But I'm back now so let's get back to work."

Kara and Brainiac 5 met up with Mon and entered the House Chamber. "Mr. Speaker, Her Royal Highness, Queen Kara!" the Sergeant at Arms announced.

The members of congress gawked at seeing Kara alive and well. Kara made her way to the speaker's podium with Mon and Brainiac 5 behind her. Her address was to be broadcasted across the world, even in territories she hadn't yet won. "Members of this Congress, citizens of the empire, I come before you to inform you that rumors of my death...were greatly exaggerated," Kara smirked.

Congress was on its feet with polite applause. Many of them were republicans wanting to overthrow or curtail the monarchy but didn't want to look like political hacks on global television. "It has come to my attention, that in my absence, many of you were disrespectful to my consort, Mon-El, and...," Kara began.

"Lost my train of thought," Kara said sheepishly earning a dirty look from Mon. "It has come to my attention that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. Shortly after my lawful and religiously sanctioned marriage to my prince-consort, Prince Mon-El, I became pregnant. Due to my peculiar Kryptonian physiology and powers beyond your imagination, I gave birth in nine days rather than nine months," Kara lied.

Congress politely applauded the birth of the new prince and princess although many were highly disturbed and disappointed by this news. Humanity was now farther down the line of succession and the Insane Kryptonian family was only getting larger.

"My children, Prince Kon-El and Princess Mara-El are healthy and strong having both the attributes of a Kryptonian and a Jin-Saiyan. I assure you now, the Crown is secure for another generation," Kara smiled confidently.

Kara and Brainiac 5 sat down for a meeting in the palace. "We have a problem in Ohio," Brainiac 5 said gravely.

"When is there not a problem with Ohio?" Kara mused.

Brainiac 5 placed several magazines on the desk. Kara curiously looked through the magazines showing attractive nude women alongside political, sports, lifestyle, and religious articles. Kara sped read the articles but took a minute for each of the nude women. "I figured magazines like this would have been phased out."

"It has but I have been able to filter the Internet despite mankind's best efforts to get around me. Therefore, this material only exists in physical form for distribution on the streets," Brainiac 5 said.

"Well, I'll be damned," Kara said amazed as she went through each of the magazines. "Make sure Mon doesn't get a hold of any of them."

"I suppose that will depend on whether you make a speech in Cincinnati," Brainiac 5 replied.

"Well...shit," Kara sighed.

Cincinnati

Kara spoke to a group of high-ranking officials stationed in Cincinnati with Brainiac 5 by her side. "A teacher...supposedly educates our children and some...become model citizens. The clergyman peaches and people find spirituality. My construction firms build homes but there is now a new darker influence in Cincinnati," Kara said grimly. "Pass this shit out, please," she said to Brainiac 5.

"Review this material thoroughly and carefully. Be aware that I did not acquire these materials in a black-market adult store but at a typical grocery store," Brainiac 5 said as he passed out the magazines. "With currency no longer in circulation, these magazines are being bartered for. The provisions our system so graciously gives are being used to facilitate this business."

"We cannot hide from this. Decent people are being corrupted like your fine governor. We cannot relent. We must prevent the destruction of the soul of our country," Kara ordered.

Shortly thereafter, police arrested the source of the magazines, Major Flint Marco. At the police station, he was processed, given a court date, and released the same day.

At his trial, Flint Marco was fairly unrepentant. Kara decided to prosecute the case, personally, poisoning the jury pool as she did. The judge presiding was a former lawyer and held the rank of colonel. In her opening statement, Kara put Flint on blast. "Major Flint Marco was charged with reporting the news. He betrayed the trust of this great country, Ohio, by engaging in illegal black market magazine circulation of pornography and blasphemy," Kara accused.

With the jury looking unimpressed, Flint took the stand to defend himself. "Turn to page 77. What do you see?" Kara asked, handing him one of his magazines.

"It's Santa Clause," Flint said flatly.

"And what is Santa Clause doing?" Kara asked impatiently.

"He's talking to Mrs. Clause while holding an erect penis in his hand," Flint said awkwardly.

"And what is the caption for that photo?" Kara demanded.

"This is what I've got to ho, ho, ho about," Flint answered.

"Flint, did you think this is what I had in mind when I reintroduced Santa Clause to your heathen godless society?" Kara asked incredulously.

"Well...no," Flint admitted.

"And doesn't the great country of Ohio get to decide their community standards?" Kara asked rhetorically.

"That sounds like bullshit, that's censorship," Flint argued. "This country belongs to me as much as it belongs to you, Your Majesty. If you don't like my magazines, don't read them."

"And what about the innocent children that come across these magazines in the grocery store? Heavens," Kara shook her head.

"Look, if a kid happens to find a beer and drinks it, we're not going to ban beer, are we?" Flint said exasperatedly.

In front of the jury, Flint made his own defense. "I'm not asking you to like what I do. Not even I like what I do sometimes. But don't you want to live in a country where you can decide for yourselves what you want to read and watch? You can read it if you want to or throw it in the garbage can. That's your right and you should care about it, too. We live in a free country or, at least, we used to until an alien queen conquered our planet, and a fucking robot took over our economy. Now, I'm being threatened with fines, demotions, extra duty, and even exile for exercising my first amendment right to freedom of expression. Now, you go back in that jury room with all of my magazines as evidence...and just try...to not jerk off to it. You may find it's more difficult than you think."

The jury, however, did not find it difficult and came back with a guilty verdict. "I sentence you to twenty-five years exile," the judge declared.

"This is some bullshit," Flint said as he was taken away.

Metropolis

Kara was noticeably outraged. "Why is he not exiled? Why is he back at his post?"

"There was prosecutorial and judicial misconduct in his case," Brainiac 5 said simply.

"What misconduct?" Kara asked dumbfounded.

"You are the queen of the British Empire. Your presence had an undue influence on the jury and the judge allowed the defendant to incriminate himself without proper warnings," Brainiac 5 said.

"This is some bullshit. He's guilty as fuck," Kara said peeved. "I'm going to sue his ass of any currency or provisions he has been able to make off this black-market magazine."

"Under what legal rationale?" Brainiac 5 asked curiously.

"His magazine has an unflattering picture of me," Kara said, showing him. "This is libel."

Kara proceeded to sue Flint in Quebec Court believing she would get a more favorable ruling there and easily won. Flint appealed the ruling to the Supreme Court complaining that he was being sued in the wrong country. The Supreme Court ruled in Kara's favor since a small number of Flint's magazines managed to find their way to Maine...somehow.

When Flint refused to pay, he was arrested and charged with contempt of court, the first of many. "How far are you willing to go? What are your plans? Many people support your magazine but not you. How do you feel about that?" reporters asked after the ruling.

"Why do I have to be punished to protect your freedoms?" Flint asked resentfully.

Kara watched Flint's defiance on global television. "Transfer him to another department. I'm thinking, the clergy," she ordered Brainiac 5.

Ohio

Flint lost his officer's commission and was demoted to private. His new job was that of a chaplain assistant in the Diocese of Cincinnati. The bishop's wife, Ruth Carter, invited him to her home for dinner to get to know him better. "Do you go to church, Flint?" Ruth asked bluntly.

"Yeah, church, particularly the big holidays, Christmas, Easter, New Year's Eve," he lied.

"My sources indicate otherwise. Attendance is monitored by the Holy Father," Ruth caught him in a lie.

"Well, we've proven here I am a liar and can't be trusted. I never go," Flint admitted.

"It's not important," Ruth said dismissively.

"So, you're a faith healer?" Flint asked confused.

"I work in spiritual healing. I mend troubled souls. Don't worry, the bishop was ordained by the Holy Father, personally," Ruth assured him.

"That's a relief. I've seen some of these weirdos playing with snakes and preaching hellfire," Flint nodded.

"Oh, the hellfire is still real," Ruth corrected him. "It would seem we have something in common. We both want to free people from sexual repression. In our case, we simply want people to be married when they do it."

Flint eyed Ruth realizing she might be a freak in the bedroom with the bishop. "Because I think sexuality is a God-given gift," Ruth clarified. "

"I agree," Flint said awkwardly.

"When I counsel women, I don't take the Bible out. I tell them to be beautiful and do you know how I accomplish that?" Ruth asked.

"Make-up and plastic surgery?" Flint guessed.

"No, physical exercise, dieting, and proper grooming standards," Ruth corrected.

Despite his new job, Flint continued to publish and distribute his underground magazine across the country. He was eventually hauled into court in Florida. "Can you justify your magazine under Christian theology?" the prosecutor asked him while he was on the stand.

"I don't have to," Flint said dismissively.

"It's been established that pornography is illegal along with unauthorized commerce within the empire," the prosecutor said.

"It shouldn't be illegal. The anti-pornography law is unconstitutional," Flint declared. "Liberty is all about telling people what they don't want to hear. America was once the strongest country in the world because of its freedom. And if we ever lose that heritage, we're fucked."

After his day in court, Flint was suddenly shot twice in the gut by an assassin. Flint was immediately taken to a hospital and the shooter was eventually discovered. The assassin, a known serial killer, was soon arrested. Kara came by to visit Flint in the hospital.

"I know a guy that can fix your spinal column. You could walk again, the pain would go away, and maybe you'll get an erection again," Kara told him.

"But?" Flint sensed.

"Stop publishing these magazines," Kara glared.

"Your Majesty, you can go fuck yourself," Flint told her off.

"I was hoping you would say that," Kara smirked and then left the room.

Flint would remain in excruciating pain and unable to walk. With prescription drugs tightly controlled, he was forced to look for drugs on the streets.

Metropolis

Kara and Brainiac 5 came together to celebrate the establishment of the DEO headquarters in Metropolis called the Hank Henshaw building. In front of her were proud DEO agents ready to spy and entrap their fellow citizens. "Hank Henshaw...was an asshole, but his legacy lived on when he was impersonated for several years by a Green Martian. And that Green Martian was also an asshole. Now, with all that said, we can follow in their footsteps by protecting this world from all enemies, foreign and domestic. To be quite honest, most of your enemies will be domestic," Kara told them.

"Here, here!" they shouted.

"Now, just so we're all on the same page here, you are not to bug me and plan my assassination. You do that to other world leaders. The Department of Extraordinary Operations shall be independent of the executive. I mean, I'm still going to appoint your leadership and sign your paychecks but otherwise, you are all the epitome of integrity," Kara assured them.

"We have an issue," Brainiac 5 whispered to her.

"What is it now?" Kara asked annoyed.

Brainiac 5 handed her a new underground magazine showing pictures of DEO agents clumsily selling bags of cocaine to mobsters. "Well...shit," Kara grimaced.

Ohio

Flint had decided to quit his post as a chaplain assistant becoming an atheist after his shooting. He now worked full-time for his underground magazine. The DEO quickly located his residence in state housing and raided his room. They then dragged his ass out of the apartment complex and sent him to jail for processing. After his processing was complete, they kicked him out onto the street where he would have to figure out a way to get back to his apartment.

At trial, Flint came before Judge Thomas, a no-nonsense colonel. "Private, you're going to have to take that helmet off. We don't wear hats in this courtroom and there's no war going on, specifically, in this courtroom."

"You can never be too careful, Your Honor. We have an alien running our government," Flint said mockingly.

"I assure you, if the queen wanted to kill you, that helmet isn't going to do anything. So, I'd appreciate it if you took that helmet off," Judge Thomas requested.

Flint reluctantly agreed. "I need for you to answer one question and then you can go back home. What was the source of these pictures?" Judge Thomas ordered.

"Your Honor, with all due respect, you don't have the right to ask!" Flint declared.

"You're in contempt of court. And as of tomorrow, you will be given extra-duty of ten hours a day until you reveal your source," Judge Thomas ordered.

"Under the freedom of the first amendment, I have the right to protect my sources!" Flint said defiantly.

"Mr. Marco, are you wearing the imperial flag?" Judge Thomas noticed.

"I have fashioned the imperial flag into a diaper. If you're going to treat me like a baby, I'm going to act like one," Flint explained.

"You're under arrest for the desecration of the imperial flag. You will be given extra duty and you are forbidden to leave the state of Ohio," Judge Thomas ordered.

"Alright, alright, I'll fuss up and reveal my source," Flint relented. "It was the Samurai."

"Who is this man and where is he?" Judge Thomas demanded.

"Well, he was on his way here but suffered a critical groin injury while undergoing acupuncture in Beijing," Flint mocked.

"It is the opinion of this court that you're mentally ill," Judge Thomas determined.

"Well, Your Honor, opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one," Flint shot back.

"There will be no cursing in my courtroom," Judge Thomas scolded.

"How about spitting?" Flint asked as he spat on the floor.

"Gag him," Judge Thomas ordered the law enforcement officers.

"Get off me, you fucking bastards!" Flint shouted as he was gagged and restrained.

"Mr. Marco, you are hereby sentenced to fifteen days in a psychiatric ward," Judge Thomas ruled.

Metropolis

At the same time, Kara was having troubles of her own. "The Imperial District Court of New York has brought action against your book, Adventures of Supergirl, and its prequel, Midvale. They claim the book is obscene and, therefore, all copies must be confiscated and destroyed," Brainiac 5 informed her in her palace office.

"What the fuck? How the fuck could my book be obscene? I appointed these motherfuckers and now they betray me? These people are full of shit. I will have their ass for this, damn it," Kara vowed.

"If you win, it could open the doors to more obscene material," Brainiac 5 warned. "Perhaps, you should release a censored version."

"A censored version...of Adventures of Supergirl? Yeah, right," Kara scoffed.

"The world must know of your exploits. They must know their queen better than they know themselves," Brainiac 5 said.

"I will not compromise on my life story. I will win in court," Kara said confidently.

At trial, Imperial Attorney Ernst made the following arguments against the two books: "The work contained sexual titillation and had 'unparlorlike' language; it was blasphemous, particularly in its treatment of the Christian Church; and it brought to the surface coarse thoughts and desires that usually were repressed."

"The Adventures of Supergirl is an affront to long-held and dearly cherished moral, religious, and political beliefs," Ernst laid out.

"The long-held and cherished moral, religious, and political beliefs we acquired less than a year ago?" Judge Morris asked skeptically.

"In short, it is subversive to the established order," Ernst concluded.

"You're saying the queen's autobiography is subversive to the established order she created? Well, okay then," Judge Wool shrugged.

"I suggest you read the books themselves for their literary value and come to a fair ruling," Brainiac 5 suggested, acting as Kara's lawyer.

"I'll get back to you after I read a million words, God damn," Judge Wool said overwhelmed.

Flint was tossed from the psychiatric ward and sent to Metropolis for trial for an article he wrote in one of his magazines accusing Kara of having sexual relations with her sister, Alex Danvers, in an outhouse. The article was disrespectful and satirical in nature. Nonetheless, Kara wanted him tried for treason and executed. "I want him fucking dead! I want his fat head on a spike," Kara shouted at Brainiac 5 in her office.

"He's actually counter-suing you for various things," Brainiac 5 informed him.

"Audacity only goes so far with me. He's crossed the line that can never be crossed. Besides, as the queen, so long as I am the queen, I am immune to prosecution," Kara said.

"All of these assumptions will be tested," Brainiac 5 warned.

At trial, Kara took the witness stand. Flint was being represented by Freddie who was now notorious for being a star attorney. Kara glared daggers at a smirking Flint at the defendant's table. "Your Royal Highness, you are a queen, right?" Freddie began.

"Yes, I am," Kara replied obviously.

"And as a queen, you speak to a fairly broad audience. You speak on television and on the radio," Freddie continued.

"I do," Kara said not sure where he was going with this.

"So, you've achieved a certain notoriety. One might say, a global reputation for your speeches and your opinions and your ideas and your leadership," Freddie said glowingly.

"Keep it going," Kara approved.

"And you have been recognized and awarded for your efforts all over the world," Freddie concluded.

"I have a number of 'honorary' degrees. I am considered the second most admired person in the world behind the pope," Kara said proudly.

"So, you're famous, right?" Freddie asked rhetorically.

"I suppose you could say that," Kara smiled smugly.

"Your Royal Highness, have you ever had sex with your adopted sister, Alex Danvers?" Freddie asked bluntly.

Kara frowned immediately at that. "Absolutely not."

"Never? I mean, you never had sex with her in an outhouse as my client's magazine has suggested?" Freddie pressed.

"No," Kara glared. "My sister was as close to a saint as anyone I have ever known. This is totally outrageous!"

"Totally outrageous? You don't think some people, despite your reputation, might have reason to believe you could do that?" Freddie asked.

"I would find that very difficult to believe," Kara argued.

"So, what you're telling me is that no reasonable person would think these statements are true?" Freddie asked.

Kara stared at him realizing he had checkmated her. "This isn't about libel. This is about treason."

Flint then took the stand with Brainiac 5 cross-examining him. "This is the type-written script of the article in question. When you wrote this article, did you have any specific knowledge the queen had ever engaged in sexual relations with her sister?"

"No, but I have a photograph of the queen having sex with a sheep. The queen is a liar, a glutton, and fucks sheep!" Flint accused.

"Are you trying to hold up the queen to ridicule?" Brainiac 5 asked calmly.

"No, contempt," Flint clarified.

"You feel you have a free license to mock global leaders?" Brainiac 5 asked.

"God damn right," Flint smiled. "Free expression is absolute."

"So, it was your intention to make the queen appear as a hypocrite?" Brainiac 5 asked.

"Well, she is," Flint said boldly.

"Did it occur to you that the queen must have an integrity people can believe in so as to practice her profession?" Brainiac 5 asked.

"Yeah," Flint allowed.

"And it was your intent to destroy that integrity?" Brainiac 5 pressed.

"To assassinate it," Flint replied.

The jury threw out the libel charge as preposterous but did penalize Flint for malicious intent to commit emotional distress on the queen. Flint was then sentenced to death which he immediately appealed to the Imperial Supreme Court.

In the district court of Metropolis, Kara came before Judge Wool. "I rule that Adventures of Supergirl and its prequel, Midvale, are not pornographic, that nowhere in it was the 'leer of the sensualist'. The novels are serious, and their author has great imagination in showing how the minds of her family and friends operate and what they were thinking. To have failed to tell fully what her family and friends thought would have been artistically inexcusable," Judge Wool said positively.

"Are these novels meant to stir the sex impulses or to lead to sexually impure and lustful thoughts? Not in its entirety. Therefore, the Adventures of Supergirl and Midvale are not obscene," Judge Wool ruled.

Kara smiled and gave Brainiac 5 a high-five. "However, the Adventures of Supergirl and Midvale are maliciously untrue towards our queen, her family, and her friends and amount to treason. Anyone who had a part in the writing, editing, publishing, and distribution of these works is also charged with treason," Judge Wool ruled.

"What the fuck? I wrote these books. How can I be treasonous against myself? Even if I was treasonous to myself, I could just pardon myself," Kara said incredulously.

"It's my job to inform you what is legal and what is illegal. It's your job to determine whether someone should receive a pardon or not. I'll remind you that a pardon is an admission of guilt for the one who receives it, Your Majesty," Judge Wool said.

"This is some bullshit," Kara said peeved.

"I wouldn't appeal this ruling. You have won," Brainiac 5 advised.

The Imperial Supreme Court was currently made up of 3 Supreme Court justices, one for every five countries in the empire. Ideally, the number would eventually become 10 when the entire world was under Kara's control. The case was heard in Metropolis. "We shall hear the case of Flint Marco V Kara Zor-El. Mr. Mercury, you may begin as soon as you are ready," Chief Justice White said.

"Mr. Chief Justice, and may it please the court, one of the most cherished activities in this empire is to talk shit. The question before you is whether a public figure's right to protection from emotional distress outweighs the public interest to allow every citizen to talk shit freely in this empire," Freddie began.

"What was the public interest in exhibit A?" Justice Black asked.

"It is a parody," Freddie said obviously.

"Oh...no shit? Okay, I got it," Justice Black said amazed.

Freddie gave the old man an odd look and continued. "It was a satire of a public figure, in this case, one that was a prime candidate for such satire, our queen. There is a public interest in expressing the point of view that the queen is full of BS. And every citizen has the right to express this view. Every citizen has a first amendment right to call out the queen on her bullshit."

"What about the equal protection of the law? Why should public figures have a higher burden to prove falsehood and maliciousness because they are public figures? Doesn't that make them no longer equal?" Justice Greene asked.

"Public figures are different because criticism directed at them is towards their office and who they are as a person. There's no way to separate the two. And how can the judicial system as a whole consistently define that which is false, that which is malicious? We don't know if the queen had sex with her sister in an outhouse. It supposedly happened a thousand years ago. We weren't there. And who is to say Flint Marco made these comments out of maliciousness rather than political speech against the policies and character of the queen?" Freddie argued.

"Why did Flint put the queen and her sister together in an outhouse?" Chief Justice White asked.

"It's an example of literary travesty. We have a long tradition in this country of satirical commentary. If the queen can punish citizens administratively and criminally for emotional distress alone for things said about them, it will lead to ultimately tyranny. It would be impossible to refute, and it would punish unpopular speech. And the freedom of speech is absolutely vital to the health of our empire," Freddie concluded.

Brainiac 5 then came before the Imperial Supreme Court. "There are two, not one, involved in this case: The queen and her sister. Alex Danvers is a person of no consequence. She was a one-time Director of the DEO, a little-known government agency. She was not a public figure. In fact, aside from close family and friends, no one knew she even existed. A thousand years later, her name was completely forgotten. If not for the queen, no one would even know she ever existed today."

"I think we can establish Alex Danvers is not a public figure," Chief Justice White allowed. "But I think we can also establish that she's dead, dead for a thousand years."

"Why should death be relevant? Why should someone like Flint Marco be able to maliciously deliver falsehoods against the dead with impunity? Why cannot families bring suit on behalf of their dead family members against libel and slander?" Brainiac 5 asked.

"You're saying dead people have constitutional rights?" Justice Black asked incredulously.

"I am a scientist. To me, life and death are only a matter of time. We are alive for a finite period of time. Before and after this time period, we do not exist as people either because we are dead, or we have not been born. I see all people in the same way as both alive, dead, and unborn all at the same time. The law should do the same," Brainiac 5 said.

"What if someone were to maliciously distribute falsehoods against someone who hasn't even been conceived?" Justice Greene asked.

"You seem perplexed by this," Brainiac 5 said condescendingly. "Had this case been only concerning the queen, I would have conceded, but it's not. You must consider the rights to the reputation, dignity, and personhood of Alex Danvers."

The Imperial Supreme Court ruled that shit-talking public figures was legal and not treason, protected by the first amendment. The charge of committing emotional distress to the queen was thrown out. However, the Imperial Supreme Court also ruled that the dead are not public figures and that Flint could be charged with malicious emotional distress against Alex Danvers for his article. Flint was arrested and tried once again and found guilty. He was sentenced to permanent exile from the empire for his shenanigans. He settled in various city-states where capitalism was still practiced and made a good living for the rest of his life. Despite her wrath for him, Kara never tried to kill him.

Author's Notes: This chapter is loosely based on The People Vs. Larry Flynt (1996) which is loosely based on a string of court cases that includes Hustler Magazine V Falwell. This chapter also includes, for funsies, the court case, United States v. One Book Called Ulysses. As with the movie, this chapter doesn't aim to educate readers on the technical legalities and arguments involved, simply the drama surrounding these cases. As per usual, not much makes actual coherent sense on either side here. It is currently the case that you cannot be sued for libel against the dead in any country that I know of. However, in the 31st century, the law has apparently evolved.