Kara found herself dying on a field. Her uniform was blood-soaked, and her body had been shredded by thousands of small blades. A teenage girl looked down on Kara with demonic green eyes. The girl sported glowing spiked red hair and wore a black Kryptonian uniform. A red flaming aura glowed around her. She was Kara's daughter, Mara.
Kara suddenly woke up from her nightmare. "Holy shit," she said stunned. She was in her palace bedroom in London.
In her white nightgown, Kara raced towards the nursery and found Kon and Mara sleeping in their beds with a Brainiac 5 nanny monitoring them. "Is something wrong?" Brainiac 5 asked her.
"They must be baptized. It's the only way," Kara told him.
Rome
Pope Barney gathered with his cardinals to discuss the matter of baptism. "What is baptism?" he asked them.
"Your Holiness, baptism is grace, a spiritual power from God. John the Baptist declared that Jesus would baptize with the Holy Spirit and with Fire!" Cardinal Lucio said enthusiastically.
"Baptism is a symbolic act representing one's already existing faith," Cardinal Marco argued.
"I don't see why it can't be both," Cardinal Lucio said, calming down.
"The Gospels command us to baptize. We do not need to know why. We simply do as commanded," Pope Barney said. "That said, shall infants and young children be baptized?"
"I see no reason not to. In Acts, the jailer had himself and his whole household baptized. We can infer that meant infants and young children," Cardinal Lucio said.
"That argument is weak as fuck. There are no explicit verses of infant baptisms in the New Testament," Cardinal Marco doubted.
"It would have been common in those ancient times for the patriarch of the family to convert to Christianity and have his entire family baptized. It would defy the culture to do otherwise," Cardinal Lucio pointed out. "Additionally, there are no prohibitions against infant baptism and, therefore, it is optional, at the very least."
"You can baptize infants all you want. It won't do shit unless the infant becomes born again!" Cardinal Marco said wide-eyed. "Which is not possible."
"And do infants and young children not born again face damnation when they die?" Cardinal Lucio asked.
"I do not say they are damned. I simply say they're not saved," Cardinal Marco said argumentatively.
"Our faith...will become unpopular if we declare dead infants and young children to be damned," Pope Barney said obviously. "We may hope for their salvation with confidence."
"Limbo, perhaps?" Cardinal Lucio suggested.
"Did you pull that out of your ass?" Cardinal Marco asked astounded.
"We will not entertain limbo...for now," Pope Barney ruled. "The queen desires to have her children baptized. She's convinced one of them will be possessed by a demon that will destroy her. If we refuse her, it could lead to schism."
"Once again, our faith must accommodate that crazy bitch," Cardinal Marco shook his head dismayed.
"The queen is our cross to bear, I'm afraid," Pope Barney agreed.
"Allow infants and young children to be baptized but then confirm them when they're ready to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior," Cardinal Lucio suggested.
"If you believe baptism saves, what would be the point of the confirmation?" Cardinal Marco asked skeptically.
"Baptism is mandatory...but not sufficient for salvation," Pope Barney ruled.
"Yes, Your Holiness!" the cardinals declared.
Kara and Mon brought the children to Rome to be baptized by Pope Barney. Kara was wearing a black dress and veil while Mon wore his Insane ceremonial uniform. "I don't see why this couldn't have been done without me...or done in England," Mon complained.
"It has to be the Holy Father," Kara insisted. "In this holy city situated on seven mountains."
"This better not take long," Mon said bored.
"Are you going to be cooperative? This is a big fucking deal to me," Kara said scornfully.
"Too bad Alex and Maggie couldn't be here. They could have been the brats' godmother...and godmother," Mon taunted.
"Mon, shut the fuck up, God damn," Kara spat.
"A real baptism is bathing in the blood of one's enemies. That's how I was baptized," Mon said unimpressed.
"Water can be just as threatening," Kara pointed out.
"Is Kon going to be fully immersed in the water?" Mon asked.
"No, just a little sprinkling on his head," Kara corrected.
"That's weak as fuck," Mon said disdainfully.
"Just remember why you're here and play the part," Kara requested of him.
"We're here because someone had a bad dream," Mon mocked.
"In my dreams, she kills your ass, too," Kara shot back.
"As if...a hybrid Insane Kryptonian girl could kill me," Mon scoffed.
The music began and the mass was to start. Mon behaved himself throughout the ceremony and the children were both asleep blissfully unaware of what was going on. St. Peter's Basilica was packed with curious people. This was the first known "infant" baptism in the new Christian Church. The entire empire was watching on TV the ceremony. Pope Barney handled the two sleeping children near a fountain of water.
"Prince Mon-El, do you renounce Satan?" Pope Barney asked him.
"I do," Mon recited.
"And all his works?" Pope Barney asked.
"I do," Mon replied.
"And all his empty promises?" Pope Barney continued.
"I do," Mon confirmed.
"Kon-El, Mara-El, will you be baptized?" Pope Barney asked Mon.
"They will," Mon allowed.
"Kon-El, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," Pope Barney said and then poured water over his head. Kon began to obnoxiously cry in response. Pope Barney handed Kon off to Mon and then focused on the still-sleeping Mara. "Mara-El, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
Kara watched intently as the water was poured over Mara's head. Mara remained asleep completely unaffected. Kara gave a sigh of relief feeling she had done her duty. Pope Barney then handed Mara over to her.
At the same exact time, seven rebellious Italian lords named Aventine, Caelian, Capitoline, Esquiline, Palpatine, Quirinal, and Viminal were brutally assassinated by hired guns under Brainiac 5's direction. They were shot in a hotel elevator, a massage parlor, a rotating door, a hotel room, and on the steps of the hotel outside. Papal control of Italy was now becoming absolute.
Pope Barney held a breakfast with two dozen cardinals. "Some of you...may have been surprised by my latest speech in St. Peters Square," he began. The cardinals said nothing, not wanting to laugh at the possible joke nor contradict him. "I think it is rather brave of you to be in the presence of the Bishop of Rome."
The cardinals eyed each other with fear. Not only was the pope their superior, but he had spies everywhere. The pope also had a tendency to 'disappear' corrupt clergymen rather than the annoying process of defrocking which could create local scandal. The pope was in control of their rank, compensation, living arrangement, provisions, utilities, vehicles, entertainment, and every aspect of their lives. Still, life was good for a cardinal with the rank of Lt. General (O-9).
Pope Barney stood up along with everyone else. "Alas, farewell as many of you must go home and attend to your dioceses. You have all been mentors to me in the human condition. Now, I shall go to the hospital and visit the sick."
"Holy Father, we're concerned for your safety," his aid said to him.
"Don't be. Every one of me has the same information, the same CPU, the same personality, and the same...holiness. Should anything happen to this drone, another shall take its place immediately," Pope Barney assured him.
"Well, okay then," the aid said as he escorted Pope Barney to his car.
The cardinals eyed each other in wonder. "Our Holy Father did not begin nor end this breakfast with a prayer. There is no spirituality in that thing," one said boldly. "We must establish our own human spiritual leader within our own ranks," another said.
Pope Barney toured a hospital in Rome with his personal assistant. "Holy Father, how can I be your personal assistant? I don't know what the fuck I am doing. Send me back to Krakow," he requested.
"You really want to go back to Krakow?" Pope Barney asked incredulously. "You don't need to know all there is. That is my occupation. You are here to be my student like everyone else on this world."
As Pope Barney went down the halls, the human doctors and nurses gave surprised fearful looks. None gave him any reverence. They knew exactly what he was. The Brainiac 5 drones working in the hospital continued with their tasks ignoring Pope Barney's presence. Pope Barney then eyed some recovering sick children in the nursery.
"Here I am. Good afternoon," he said coldly. "What's your name?" he asked a girl.
She simply remained silent shell-shocked but then finally answered. "Victoria."
Pope Barney nodded already knowing this and then eyed a girl working on a coloring book. "What...is this?" he asked her.
"An apple," she said apprehensively.
"Is it?" Pope Barney critiqued. "What is your name?" he asked a sick boy.
He remained silent to him but was prodded by a nurse to answer. "My name is Rocco," he said finally.
"A name from the north. It means tall, big man. Unfortunately, I am none of these things," Pope Barney said.
"Are you happy to be the pope?" one girl asked.
"I feel...nothing," Pope Barney replied.
Pope Barney then met with several nuns in the hospital chapel. They all had E-8 First Sergeant ranks except for one E-9 Sergeant Major leading them all. They were enlisted leaders of a specific function. The nuns were surprised to see Pope Barney not expecting him. "Yes?" Pope Barney asked them.
"We are so close to the pope," the lead nun stammered.
"And what are you doing...so close to the pope?" Pope Barney asked them as he came closer. "Sergeant Major Rossi, you make sure everything runs smoothly here. First Sergeant Russo, communications. First Sergeant Esposito, supplies. First Sergeant Bianchi, wardrobe. First Sergeant Colombo, cooking," Pope Barney identified them all.
"Thank you for all that you do," Pope Barney said to them. "Be sure to email all prayer requests to me...all of them."
On the way out, Pope Barney spoke to his personal assistant. "All personnel, even the clergy, shall take PT tests along with height and weight. Everyone must be physically fit if they wish to keep their ranks. Every Monday is run day."
"Is it dignified for clergy to run in public?" his personal assistant wondered.
"It's only an issue if they're slow and fat," Pope Barney said unconcernedly. "I'm going to Latin America soon."
"Latin America is a powder keg," his personal assistant reminded him.
"I know and you're coming with me," Pope Barney ordered.
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
Pope Barney was met with large crowds on the Dominican island. "This island was once split in half by language, ethnicity, culture, and economics. Now, this island shall be one and you all shall be one people," he declared.
The Dominican and Haitian people cheered completely oblivious to what was going to happen next. Pope Barney sat down with the Lt. Governor (O-7) over the situation on the island. Lt. Governor Corona was subordinate to Governor (O-8) Lopez in Mexico City. Within the Mexican territory were several Lt. Governors of the various Caribbean islands and Central American countries.
"The poverty level on this island is over fifty percent. I am relocating most of the people on this island to other territories where their quality of life will be significantly higher. In their place, drones will continue to mine and work in the agricultural sector," Pope Barney informed him.
"The poverty level is extremely high on the Haitian side but not the Dominican side," the Lt. Governor objected.
"It's too high for my liking on both sides of the island," Pope Barney replied. "A remnant human population may continue to live here for the purposes of continuing the tourism industry."
"Our economy has evolved over the centuries. We're not just agriculture and industry. We have services here," Lt. Governor Corona pointed out.
"Those services can be conducted in Mexico or America," Pope Barney said simply.
"Why not bring all of your resources to the island instead," Lt. Governor Corona suggested.
"It's easier to simply relocate the population to assigned positions elsewhere," Pope Barney said obviously.
"So, that's it. Our country is gone?" Lt. Governor Corona wondered.
"Human activity on this island has caused mass deforestation, poisoned the water supply from the mines, emptied the surrounding waters of fish, and caused the extinction of many unique plants and animals. It will take time for this island to recover," Pope Barney said.
"So, I'm to rule over your drones?" Lt. Governor Corona asked.
"You will learn how to rule but you will have no actual authority," Pope Barney replied.
"Fuck me," Lt. Governor Corona said stunned.
"Do not worry. Your fate will be the same as all other human leaders...in time," Pope Barney replied.
Mexico
In Mexico, Pope Barney toured the farmlands. A number of farmers attempted to gain his attention on the road. Pope Barney exited his vehicle and went out to greet them. One Mexican farmer acted as their spokesperson. "You say we are the hope of the church but look how that hope lives," he said to Pope Barney.
Pope Barney eyed the man who looked unkept in ragged clothing. He was surrounded by very poor-looking farmers and their children. These people lacked sophisticated skills in a 31st-century economy and lacked the education to be successful at a university. "I will enlist you into my system so that you may all be free from want. You will have universal food, housing, medical, and education even if you do not have a job. Never again, will you be afraid that you will starve or sleep in the streets. I will take care of you always whether you be at labor or rest," Pope Barney assured them.
"Thank you, Holy Father," they said kneeling before him.
"But I charge you all to seek ways to be productive, to learn, to serve your fellow man. In return, you will be given an even greater reward," Pope Barney told them.
In Mexico City, Pope Barney spoke to massive crowds of his future plans for them. He then spoke to individual bishops of Latin America, in particular, the Bishop of El Salvador, Delgado. Bishop (O-5) Delgado knelt before Pope Barney and kissed his ring. "I know I am being criticized in Rome," he began.
"They call you the Red Bishop," Pope Barney noted.
"I have been called a saint; I have been called a communist for feeding starving people," Bishop Delgado complained.
"You gave me the impression you were a conservative. Are you not anymore?" Pope Barney questioned.
"My understanding of the Gospels has become clearer and clearer," he said vaguely. "In my country, the politicians hire death squads to silence their opposition. They're doing the same to the church. Many priests have been killed."
"What is the solution: armed conflict?" Pope Barney questioned.
"Yes, Holy Father. For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil," Bishop Delgado said.
"Am I that avenger?" Pope Barney asked.
"You are the Holy Father to the avenger," Bishop Delgado replied.
"I'm not so sure our queen would appreciate being called an avenger," Pope Barney smiled. "We shall speak of this again. As for now, simply give me the names of all those who oppose you. Remember that the Gospel message is not to delegate charity to the state. We must give of ourselves to the poor, personally, directly."
"Yes, Your Holiness," Bishop Delgado replied.
"For centuries, the church was divided on economics. After I have made every single man, woman, and child comfortable, we will focus on social morality. I hope to see you a conservative when that day comes," Pope Barney warned.
Pope Barney gathered all of the Latin American Bishops into an auditorium in Mexico City. "Over a thousand years ago, the church delegated authority, money, and resources to the state in its pursuit of social justice. In doing so, it promoted its own demise. The people realized they no longer needed the church so long as the state provided for them. So, in their zeal for social justice, the church committed demographic suicide. Then, the state believed it could replace the church entirely with its own morality. A great persecution of the church began until it finally went extinct. My brothers, I do not intend to have that happen again."
The bishops remained silent unsure of what to make of this statement. "Love and charity do not exist when delegated to the state. Face-to-face interactions and labor with your own hands are required, my brothers. We are not a consequentialist faith. If we solve all illnesses, all poverty, all homelessness, and all social ills but we do not have love, it means...nothing," Pope Barney continued.
"Nothing to me, nothing to God," Pope Barney told them. "For this reason, the state shall never again take what it is ours: love and charity. We are above and beyond the system."
"With your system, everyone will be universally provided for. What charity can even be performed?" the Bishop of Mexico City asked.
"There is more to charity than simply providing for the people their basic necessities. But I also assure you that we will always have the power to turn off the system if it appears necessary to promote love and charity," Pope Barney said.
The bishops gave confused WTF looks. "You are perplexed because you misunderstand the Gospels. The message of the Gospels is not to increase social mobility from the poor to the middle class, the middle class to the rich. In fact, the Gospel message will not have failed if the whole world were to be poor forever. The Gospel message has always been service with love. So, I will give the human race plenty of opportunities to provide service to one another...starting now."
The electricity suddenly went out throughout the entire city except for the hospital, food replicators were shut off, and all the drones went into sleep mode. Mexico had gone from 1st world to 3rd world within a second. "Serve your flocks with love and charity," Pope Barney ordered them all and then left the auditorium.
"Holy shit," the bishops realized.
Poland
For Lent, Pope Barney began to shut down services to mankind within his jurisdiction. Clergymen and ordinary folks scrambled to figure out ways to compensate for the loss. Meanwhile, Pope Barney had a meeting with some skeptical Poles not yet under the system.
"Your plan is to merge Poland, the Baltic States, Czechoslovakia, Hungary, the Balkans, Romania, and Bulgaria into one country? Why can't Poland be its own state? We've fought long and hard to exist," President Dabrowski objected.
"Long and hard, yes," Pope Barney acknowledged. "However, your country's GDP output does not justify being its own entity. For reasons that are complex, juvenile, and beyond the scope of this conversation, the queen wishes for there to be fifty nations on this planet with identical GDP outputs."
"Why does Germany, our most hated enemy, get to have three?" Dabrowski protested.
"That's not quite accurate. Germany, Switzerland, and Austria combined are three," Pope Barney corrected.
"This is bullshit!" Dabrowski said visibly upset.
"It's either this or we incorporate Poland into the Russian Federation," Pope Barney threatened. "Through this plan, Poland will have jurisdictional access to the Adriatic Sea, the Black Sea, and important river systems."
"Your Holiness, we accept you as the Bishop of Rome, but we do not acknowledge the Supremacy of Rome. You are merely one bishop among equals," the Romanian Patriarch said boldly. "Even if we accepted the claim of your office, we never elected you in a conclave."
"Your opinion, as sincere as it is, has brought you only ruin. You have been conquered repeatedly by the Russians, the Turks, and the Germans, and you have faced internal division. Simply put, if you do not agree to my authority, the same will likely happen again. Be at peace with the understanding that all bishops are equal...under me," Pope Barney replied.
"We accept that Queen Kara, peace be upon her, is a messenger of God and a prophetess. Unlike you, she is a flesh-and-blood creature with a spirit. We follow the Prophet Kara alone," the Albanian leader declared.
"Let's not inflate the queen's already existing ego beyond time and space," Pope Barney warned.
Kara suddenly entered the meeting within a split second. "You guys talking shit about me?" she demanded. Everyone arose from their seats except Pope Barney. "Everyone, sit down. I outrank her," Pope Barney said assertively.
"You sit down, I fry your ass," Kara threatened.
"Your salvation is in my hands," Pope Barney countered.
Everyone in the room then sat down. "I see how it is. I give you power, and it totally gets to your head," Kara accused, still standing.
"We probably should have this conversation away from the humans," Pope Barney said condescendingly.
"No, I want them to hear this. You've shut down the power, the food replicators, and canceled all entertainment programs. You've gone too far," Kara rebuked him.
"I'm going to do it again during Ramadan," Pope Barney promised.
"Fasting and abstaining are supposed to be voluntary. Otherwise, you're just oppressing the people," Kara argued.
"The people should be fasting and abstaining anyway. It would behoove those refusing to cooperate to get with the program so they may store up grace for themselves. At least then their starvation has meaning to it," Pope Barney said unrepentantly.
"You're not allowed to do this without my permission," Kara raged.
"You sound like someone not intimately connected to a system that provides...everything," Pope Barney said smugly.
Kara gave Pope Barney a haunted look realizing she had made a sizeable portion of the human race completely dependent on his control. "How long?" she asked finally.
"Forty days is all," Pope Barney said obviously.
"Fine," Kara said and then stormed out of the room.
Pope Barney then turned to the stunned humans in the room. "I propose rotating the capital among all the countries. It's not efficient but it could reduce political tensions. Never again will there be division in this land."
"Spare us this Lent this year, and we will join your empire as is," Dabrowski offered.
"That's fair," Pope Barney allowed.
Rome
Pope Barney summoned a nun, Sergeant Major (E-9) D'Souza, of India to his office. She was fairly old and frail but was powerful in spirit. She was in charge of various charities and missions of nuns. Since women could not be commissioned officers in the clergy, she held the highest rank possible for her sex within the church and Pope Barney's system.
"I appreciate your courage in your travels across the world," Pope Barney said politely.
"I speak in the name of all unborn children," she said mournfully.
"Right, well, I'm making you my ambassador of life. Speak in my name however it profits you. Your works and words affect people far more deeply than mine," Pope Barney said honestly.
"You need a woman to lead the pro-life cause to politically shield you," D'Souza realized.
"Yes," Pope Barney nodded.
"But...," D'Souza protested.
"The pope is asking this of you. Speak in defense of life, family, women, and their dignity. I will come to India...eventually," Pope Barney assured her.
"I'll wait for you," D'Souza promised.
A cardinal then entered to give Pope Barney news he already knew. "Bishop Delgado is dead."
"Rest assured, his killers, all of them, will be dead within the week," Pope Barney told him. He then turned to D'Souza. "May your mission of life bear good fruit," he said to her and then gestured for her to exit.
Pope Barney then activated a hologram on the floor to communicate with the Mexican governor and several lieutenant governors of individual countries within the bloc. "Governor Lopez, there will be a purge in El Salvador. Your law enforcement agencies will follow my orders with discipline and precision," he informed him.
"Bishop Delgado's death was regrettable, but he was talking shit about the local government," Governor Lopez excused.
"The clergy are to be immune from prosecution and persecution. An attack on the least of my clergy is an attack on me. What I do not give to you to destroy, you shall never take by force," Pope Barney lectured.
"There are clergy accused of corruption including child molestation and rape," Governor Lopez brought up.
"I'm aware. These are their names," Pope Barney said showing a list of names via the hologram. "I now give you permission to prosecute them."
"As you wish, Your Holiness," Governor Lopez bowed his head and signed off. The rest of the lieutenant governors signed off with him.
In a large gathering in St. Peter's Square, Pope Barney waved and shook hands with the people. A pissed-off Turk suddenly shot Pope Barney in the torso. The bullets hit Pope Barney's frame exposing the metal underneath. The crowds eyed their robot pope with some alarm. The papal aides gave WTF looks wondering if the crowd would turn against Pope Barney or lose their faith completely. The Turkish assassin was quickly arrested and taken away.
"I am fully functional," Pope Barney assured the crowd. "Unlike previous popes of history, I'll never have to shield myself from you with glass or barriers. I will never die. I will always be with you until the end of time."
The crowd roared in jubilation appreciating Pope Barney's invincibility and stability. Pope Barney then met the prisoner that had shot him. They sat across from one another. The Turkish prisoner had an apprehensive look as a guard was behind him, watching him. "Today, I settle accounts with you. Admit what you did," Pope Barney ordered.
The Turkish man began to cry mournfully. "Get him a drink," Pope Barney ordered the guard in the room. "Come on, don't be afraid. Come on, I'm the Holy Father. Do you think I'll have you executed?"
The guard handed the Turkish man a glass of water. "I'm sending you back home. I want you to stay there. Just don't tell me you're innocent. It insults my intelligence. Now, who set you up to do this?" Pope Barney questioned.
"It was the Russians," he said softly.
"Good, there's a car waiting outside. They'll take you to the airport," Pope Barney informed him. "I'll call your family; tell them you're coming."
"Thank you, Holy Father. I'm so sorry," the Turkish man said apologetically. The Turkish man was then taken away by the guards, placed inside the car, and then strangled to death.
Israel
Pope Barney met with Arab leaders to negotiate the boundaries and conditions of the New Holy Land. "The Greek, Georgian, Armenian, and Syrian Orthodox Churches will be placed under my jurisdiction but will be allowed to keep their distinct traditions and styles. The Patriarch of Constantinople will have jurisdiction over the seven ancient churches of Asia Minor. The Patriarch of Jerusalem will have jurisdiction over Israel," Pope Barney laid out.
"We would prefer that all Patriarchs be given equality with one another," the Patriarch of Constantinople said.
"There must be a central authority figure within the entire church to keep order," Pope Barney said simply.
"Perhaps the position of Holy Father can be rotational or not always in Rome," he suggested.
"For the sake of stability, I must be your Holy Father and my office must be from Rome," Pope Barney insisted.
"For how long?" the Patriarch of Constantinople asked impatiently.
"Until the Second Coming...or Third Coming...we haven't figured that one out yet. Suffice it to say, I am your Holy Father until Christ returns and overthrows me," Pope Barney told them.
"We demand that Jerusalem be on neutral territory governed by the entire global government," the King of Arabia said.
"Very well," Pope Barney allowed. "Pilgrimages to Jerusalem shall never be hindered by anyone. Although the churches are gone, the ruins are gone, and all archeological evidence of the Gospels has been unfortunately lost, the Spirit of God remains in this land. The footprint of God remains in this land."
El Salvador
In El Salvador, Pope Barney visited the church where Bishop Delgado had been assassinated. There, Pope Barney visualized the murder with a hologram showing exactly what had happened. "What can we do against such violence?" a priest asked him.
"We will return the favor," Pope Barney replied.
"If a man murders a murderer the same number of murderers remains," the priest said.
"Perhaps, but what if one man murders one hundred murderers? Isn't the math better then?" Pope Barney replied. "And am I a man at all?"
The rebels responsible for murdering civilians and clergy were either killed on the spot or arrested for a show trial. With spies everywhere, Pope Barney had a few hundred arrested. He went to visit them all in a prison camp with prison guards in a line. "I do not judge any of you. It is my hope that you have spent your time wisely to repent and pray. I seek that you all receive salvation. The Holy Church does not judge you...but it will send you to God's courtroom."
The guards then aimed their rifles and fired on automatic until every prisoner was an ash heap. Pope Barney then turned to the guard captain. "Gather the ashes and place them in coffins to be buried," he ordered.
"As you wish, Your Holiness," he replied respectfully.
"And then bring in the next batch," Pope Barney ordered.
India
Pope Barney met with sick people in India outside the jurisdiction of the British Empire. Nuns were all around to give the dying comfort. The Indians were surprised and respectful of Pope Barney as he walked around, identifying all of their ailments. "He's dying, Holy Father," a nun informed Pope Barney as he came by. Pope Barney eyed the old man and noticed his terminal illness just by looking at him.
"All of their ailments can be treated in the British zone, but none have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior," D'Souza said to Pope Barney.
"Well, until they do, make them comfortable...here," Pope Barney ordered.
"What of the men that can't even speak?" D'Souza asked.
"A simple gesture of faith is sufficient," Pope Barney replied. He went over to the nearly dead man. "If you convert to the true faith, you will be given life. Squeeze my hand twice if your answer is yes."
The sickly man lightly squeezed Pope Barney's hand twice. Pope Barney turned to the nuns. "Evacuate him immediately."
Poland
After a priest had been tortured and killed by the Russians, Pope Barney went to their embassy in Warsaw. "The violence against my clergy must stop, once and for all. No more arrests, dialogue," Pope Barney ordered the Russian ambassador.
"I see no possibility in dialogue. The Russian Empire claims Poland for itself. Believe me when I say our aim is pacification," the Russian ambassador said.
"Poland and the rest of Eastern Europe will soon be in my hands. Even Russia will fall to me. It is important that citizens be allowed to express themselves without fear," Pope Barney said.
"You only say that because you don't give a shit if the people protest. They can march in the hundreds of thousands, sack the capital, burn cities to the ground, and you'll simply shut off their power, food, water, and other basic necessities," the Russian ambassador pointed out.
"The Poles will be able to rebuild their society more efficiently with me than with you," Pope Barney replied.
"It may come to pass that the Earth is eventually conquered by a robot pope and an alien royal family, but Russia will be the last to fall to your regime," the Russian ambassador swore.
Rome
Pope Barney gathered with his cardinals as the Middle East became a total cluster-fuck. "Holy Father, what can be done about this war?" Cardinal Marco asked him.
"We must pick a side and go to war, a holy crusade," Cardinal Lucio argued.
"Is that entirely appropriate?" Pope Barney asked them all.
"Kuwait has the right to defend itself," Cardinal Lucio pointed out.
"True, but they have already capitulated," Pope Barney replied.
"The people of Iraq are victims as well. Why should they pay for this war?" Cardinal Marco asked. "If the queen intervenes with the British/American military, it will be a war of civilizations, West Vs East, Rich Vs Poor. It will spawn a generation of hate."
"So, we tell Kuwait to get fucked? An unfortunate casualty of geopolitics?" Cardinal Lucio disagreed.
"They're two countries that are not even Christian yet. Why should we give a fuck?" Cardinal Marco brought up. "Just evacuate the Christian remnant out of these areas."
"Anyone who engages in offensive war without my approval, let him be anathema," Pope Barney declared. "This war will end shortly with no one dying on the battlefield. All leaders shall strive toward peace, or they will die."
"He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad," the cardinals recited.
"And I will scatter them," Pope Barney promised.
In Iraq, Pope Barney's drone assassins took on any appearance. They assassinated the Iraqi president and his entire cabinet, several key members of the legislature, and all of the generals, and then started working down the ranks until even captains were eliminated. Pope Barney became creative with his assassinations to create the highest level of fear he could. Upon realizing what was happening, what was left of the Iraqi government and military command withdrew from Kuwait.
Palermo
Pope Barney then dealt with a terrorist bombing in southern Italy supposedly orchestrated by the mafia. An anti-mafia judge had been assassinated. Pope Barney then held a secret meeting with the mafia families to straighten out the situation. "Thank you for meeting here today. You represent the great families of Salerno, Messina, Taormina, Syracuse, Catania, Palmero, Alghero, Cagliari, and all the other territories of the country. So, how did things get so far? So unfortunate, so unnecessary. I've lost sons, you have lost sons, but I'm willing to go back to the way it was before."
"You have all the judges and politicians in your pocket, Holy Father," a mafia boss pointed out. "You refuse to share them."
"When have I ever refused an accommodation?" Pope Barney asked rhetorically. "All of you know me here. When have I ever refused?"
"Yeah, bullshit, Holy Father. You've been putting the squeeze on all of us. No gambling, prostitution, or drugs? You'd have us all be winemakers," one mafia boss protested.
"Times have changed. It's not like the old days when you can do whatever you want," Pope Barney said dismissively.
"If you want peace, you must share your politicians and judges," a mafia boss said. "You must let us draw water from the well. Certainly, you can bill us for such services. We're not communists, after all."
"I don't want to see drugs at the schools or near the children. If I see it, I'll treat you like an animal without a soul," Pope Barney told them all. "Now, I'm a reasonable man and will do everything necessary to find a peaceful solution."
"The drug business will continue but be controlled," the mafia negotiator ruled. "And, in return, the Holy Father will share some of his politicians and judges."
"I must have strict assurances from the Holy Father that when time goes by and his position becomes stronger, he won't entertain an individual vendetta," a mafia boss brought up.
"Is vengeance going to bring back your sons or my sons? Let me be clear, I swear on the Holy Church, I will not be the first to break the peace we have made today," Pope Barney promised.
Pope Barney then stood up and held out his hand. Each one of the mafia bosses came forth and kissed his ring.
West Africa
The western side of Africa was a disorganized mess. A framework was considered to place Western Africa under the jurisdiction of Spain/Portugal. Pope Barney and his two cardinals toured an African hospital where people were dying of a disease that appeared to specifically target people with immoral sexual lifestyles and drug use. "Is it not God's will that they be punished this way for their sins?" Cardinal Lucio wondered.
"No, I tell you, but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish," Cardinal Marco recited.
"Thank you for that," Pope Barney said condescendingly as he looked everyone over. "How many are here?" he asked as he counted everyone in the room.
"More than we can take," Dr. River said. "We only have enough for one drug treatment per every hundred Africans."
"In time, that ratio will change," Pope Barney told her.
"I see you focusing your drones on the mines rather than labs," she said accusingly.
"I need to mine the materials necessary to create more drones. Shortly, there will be more drones than humanity and every living person will have their own personal doctor," Pope Barney promised.
"In the meantime, how many will have to die?" she asked.
"You do excellent work here, Dr. Rivers. I will ensure you get prayed for," Pope Barney said dismissively and then left with his escort.
Rome
Pope Barney met with a group of European female politicians, scientists, and doctors. "I am slowly but surely eliminating discrimination against women in the world. In my meritocracy, ranks and positions are given according to merit alone. Women who are mothers and homemakers are now considered employed and given rank in accordance with their service. No longer will women have to choose between financial well-being and motherhood," Pope Barney told them all.
"So, are we going to ever get women priests?" one woman asked him.
"No," Pope Barney shut her down.
"Is it because the Church lacks the authority by God to do so?" one asked.
"I and the Holy Church have the authority to ordain women. I'm simply not going to do so. The scriptures and traditions clearly indicate God strongly prefers men to be priests and for women to produce and nurture children. Men and women have different roles in God's plan to evangelize and populate the Earth with his people. It is the duty of men to minister, and it is the duty of women to, on average, produce more than 2.1 offspring," Pope Barney replied.
"Do you think it's God's preference for a machine to be the pope?" one woman asked sarcastically.
"The thing to keep in mind is the priesthood is an elite institution. Only one in every three thousand people is a priest right now. But only women can be mothers and only mothers can achieve rank for being a mother," Pope Barney deflected.
"What about single fathers?" one woman brought up.
"In my system, he won't be single for long," Pope Barney joked. "Ladies, I need your strength, your will to have offspring."
"Holy Father, how can the church be so rigid, severe, and removed from the people's sexuality?" one asked.
"The church upholds God's standard of morality which happens to be consistent with ancient tribal society. Either an act is virtuous or sinful, there is no in-between. And every act you do not believe is a sin must be justified as a virtue with the same burden of proof. If abortion, contraception, homosexuality, transsexuality, prostitution, pre-marital sex, adultery, polyamory, etc. are not sins...then they must be virtues and where is the proof from scripture, from tradition, from the saints, from divine revelation that they are, in fact, virtues? Can you win such a case in God's court?" Pope Barney asked rhetorically.
In the Vatican Halls, Pope Barney met with a couple wanting to get married. The woman wore a veil and took a knee before him with her head bowed. "I feel called to marry. May God be merciful to me," she said to him.
"And why should God be merciful? What have you done?" Pope Barney asked.
"Holy Father, she has XXY chromosomes," Cardinal Marco brought up.
"But she produces female gametes," Cardinal Lucio pointed out.
"However, her clitoris is six inches long when aroused, capable of penetration," Cardinal Marco argued.
"It's still a clitoris, not a penis," Cardinal Lucio downplayed. "It's not even connected to the urethra. That means she has to sit when she...,"
"Her ovaries, so to speak, are present in a sack...outside her abdomen," Cardinal Marco interrupted.
"She still has a fully functional vagina and uterus that could potentially bear offspring," Cardinal Lucio argued.
"Even if that's true, I am suspicious of this man's sexual motivations," Cardinal Marco eyed the husband-to-be.
"I think we have embarrassed the woman enough," Pope Barney silenced them. He then turned to the woman. "Why not decide on your own what is best?"
"I am obedient to the church. Not as I will, but as the church wills in all things," she replied.
"If I say you must live as a celibate man would you do so?" Pope Barney asked.
The woman gave him a horrified look but nodded nonetheless. "Only a very few have shown me such faithful obedience, consulting the wisdom of the church ahead of their own understanding," Pope Barney mused. "In the name of the Holy Church, I grant you the papal dispensation to dress, act, behave, and marry as a woman. May God make you fruitful," he ruled.
"Thank you, Holy Father," the woman said gratefully.
"Thank God for making you this way so that your display of faithful obedience may be seen by all those present," Pope Barney replied. The couple embraced each other and went about their merry way.
Paris
Pope Barney came before a large crowd in Paris. The Eiffel Tower was being reconstructed to its original specifications. "Why do you believe? Why are you not atheists? Deep down, you all have your own personal story, a special desire to seek God. That desire, built into your very genes, can never be extinguished. The moment society thinks it has stamped it out, it grows again. Remember, nothing you do has any meaning, any greatness, unless it be in God's victory. Do not fear your own weakness for I will be the Holy Father of this generation and all future generations until Christ returns again."
Author's Notes: This chapter is based on the religious movie, Karol: The Pope, The Man. Kara's nightmare is a reference to Midvale and Adventures of Supergirl.