In those days, China had an emperor, an absolute ruler. Emperor Ping had three grown sons, Jai, Yu, and Wan. His firstborn son, Jai, was from his first marriage. The emperor had imprisoned and exiled his first wife and then claimed she was dead. His sons, Yu and Wan, came from his second wife, Phoenix. However, Phoenix greatly displeased the emperor for being defiant and uppity, so the emperor sought to poison her slowly over several months so she would lose her mind and die.
At the same time, Kara took control of Taiwan via her treaty with the Japanese. She held court in Taipei but rarely visited. Instead, Mon took a liking to the Asian provinces and people. He particularly liked their warrior spirit and family traditions. One day, a middle-aged woman came to court wearing a gold-colored Chinese dress. As per usual, a Brainiac 5 drone was at Mon's side as he sat on his throne.
"This is Emperor Ping's physician's wife and also the emperor's first wife," Brainiac 5 introduced.
The woman looked spooked as this secret had been closely guarded, a secret that could easily get her killed. "What's your tale of woe?" Mon asked curiously.
"When the emperor was a lowly captain, he plotted day and night to be emperor. He flattered the King of Lian into letting him marry his daughter and then placed me and my entire family in prison. Later, I alone escaped. Far from home, I almost died. It was the doctor that saved me," she said.
"Make a note of this in case I must do the same," Mon said dryly to Brainiac 5.
"Why did you come?" Brainiac 5 asked her.
"The emperor has ordered my husband to poison the empress with black fungus from Persia, two grams a day over a few months," she said revealing the black fungus to them.
Brainiac 5 eyed the fungus and then nodded to Mon. "It will cause the victim to lose their mental faculties and eventually lead to death."
Mon nodded as he took furious notes on a datapad. "For this helpful information, do you want a reward?" he assumed.
"I only want for the empress to be warned," she said.
"Sure," Mon said dismissively. "Barney, warn the empress."
"We do not know what she will do with that information. It could lead to a civil war," Brainiac 5 warned.
"Let's hope it does," Mon smirked. "You will stay here for the time being," he ordered the woman.
Brainiac 5 then took on the woman's appearance and became clothed in a black ninja uniform.
Beijing
Brainiac 5 easily snuck into the palace as a female ninja, warned the empress, and then kicked ass on the Crown Prince. He then allowed himself to be caught by the emperor's guards. There, he continued to impersonate the doctor's wife creating quite a stir in the emperor who had thought she'd been dead. As an act of supposed mercy, the emperor allowed Brainiac 5 to leave, summon his doctor and sent him away to be a governor in a province out in the middle of nowhere. The emperor then planned a trap to kill his doctor and his entire family.
As anticipated, Empress Phoenix informed her son, Prince Yu of the situation by showing him the black fungus. Shocked and appalled, Prince Yu pledged to support his mother in rebellion against the emperor. He came before Mon in Taipei for help.
"Do you know the punishment for a prince in rebellion against the emperor?" Mon asked him.
"Torn apart by five horses," Prince Yu recited.
"So, why?" Mon asked curiously.
"Not for the sake of the crown but for the sake of my mother," Prince Yu replied.
Mon nodded at this. He also had a strong love-hate relationship with his mother and could identify with this young man. If he had been in the same position, he would have done the same. "I am greatly moved by your loyalty to your mother. I will help you in the Insane way. Go back to Beijing and await our instructions," Mon ordered.
Taipei
Not long afterward, Prince Wan sought an audience with Mon. "What's your deal, third son?" Mon asked dismissively.
"My father's first son, Prince Jai, is involved in an incestuous relationship with his stepmother, the empress. He is also having an affair with his half-sister who works in the palace," he snitched.
"Damn," Mon said stunned.
"He cannot be allowed to rule," Prince Wan said passionately.
"And what of Prince Yu?" Mon asked.
"I have nothing against my older brother," Prince Wan said awkwardly.
"What if I were to tell you Prince Yu plans to rebel against his father with all of his men? What if Prince Jai was out of the picture? What if the emperor and Prince Yu destroyed each other? Who would then take the throne?" Mon asked rhetorically.
"I...I would take the throne," the awkward teenage prince replied.
"Exactly," Mon replied. "Find some loyal palace guards and await our instructions."
"Of course, thank you," Prince Wan said appreciatively and then left.
China
In the middle of nowhere, China, Prince Jai went to visit the emperor's doctor's daughter. Little did he know but the doctor's daughter was his half-sister. At that time, Brainiac 5 had evacuated the entire family and was now impersonating the father, mother, and daughter with three drones. Prince Jai came alone as this was not an authorized visit. After making sweet love with the prince, Brainiac 5 then got to business.
"I was told you were coming so I waited all night," Brainiac 5 said as he dressed the prince.
"I came to ask you something. Do you know why the empress keeps embroidering chrysanthemums?" Prince Jai asked directly.
"They are for the festival, ten thousand of them, all going to General Wu of the state army," Brainiac 5 told him.
"Wait...what? Oh, shit!" he realized.
"Yeah," Brainiac 5 nodded.
"How did you know?" Prince Jai asked stunned.
"My father said something about it," Brainiac 5 said vaguely.
"Oh, fuck, I have to get back," Prince Jai said urgently and took off.
Later that night, as expected, a company of ninjas came upon the village. They unnecessarily used cables to descend upon the house from the mountains. Upon arriving inside the courtyard, they found the entire house empty. Mon then instantly appeared before them ready to fight. The black ninjas immediately whirled their hooks at him and tried to strike at him from all angles. Their blades merely bounced off his skin and armor. The ninjas then tried to slice at Mon's throat, but their blades shattered upon impact. Mon then took the offensive slicing them up one by one with his own sword. The fancy moves of the ninjas were no match as Mon's superior speed allowed him to slice them all to pieces. Mon then eyed ninjas in the mountains trying to get away. Energy beams hit the mountains on both sides destroying them.
Bejing
A flustered Prince Jai entered the Beijing palace and confronted the empress. Upon her admitting she was planning a coup and that she wished he would die, Prince Jai dramatically tried to kill himself. As he recovered, he informed the emperor all that he knew. Slightly alarmed, the emperor made his own preparations for his defense.
Finally, as the festival was about to begin, the entire imperial family was present. After some ceremonial calligraphy in the old ways, Prince Yu made his move by dismissing the palace guard. With the palace guard gone, Prince Yu moved up his ten thousand troops to directly attack the palace and force the emperor to abdicate. With the palace being quite large, Prince Yu's men took some time to clear it.
At the same time, Prince Wan made his move, stabbing Prince Jai through the back and out his chest, mortally wounding him. "I know all about your incestuous affair. You think I'm still a child. I know all about what you and Prince Yu have been planning," Prince Wan said to Empress Phoenix. "I have to act first!"
"Have you gone mad?" Emperor Ping asked shocked and appalled.
"I'm not mad. The Insane Prince is on my side," Prince Wan revealed. "Abdicate immediately and offer me the throne!"
"You know, I never liked you," Emperor Ping said crossly.
"Hate you, hate you all," Prince Wan said resentfully. Prince Wan's handpicked men then entered the royal chambers. This was the moment Prince Wan had been waiting for. Prince Jai was dead. Prince Yu would soon be dead when his army and the imperial army destroyed each other. Now, he just had to kill the emperor right in front of him.
Emperor Ping, noticeably pissed-off, summoned his ninjas from the ceiling. "Oh, shit!" Prince Wan realized. The ninjas made short work of Prince Wan's men. "Prince Mon-El, Prince Mon-El, save me!" Prince Wan shouted.
"You done fucked up, boy," Emperor Ping said to him. He took off his belt and gave his son an old-fashion whipping. This revealed that Prince Wan was wearing body armor indicating he had been preparing this coup the whole night. This enraged Emperor Ping even more. Prince Wan was literally beaten to death with Emperor Ping's belt while he squirmed on the floor.
Outside, Prince Yu sliced down the imperial banner tower with his sword like a boss and continued his advance. Ninjas came out to meet him and his army in a suicidal charge. After a brief fight, Prince Yu and his men defeated the ninjas killing all of them. Prince Yu's army then advanced across an entire field of yellow flowers ruining them all. Just before he could get to the palace doors, large, tall metal mobile siege walls came into position and sealed off the palace's entrance. Prince Yu then realized there were imperial troops on the upper levels of the palace looking down upon them from all directions. The palace courtyard gates behind the army were now shut and barricaded preventing their escape. Prince Yu's army of ten thousand was completely surrounded and lacked the high ground.
"Well...shit," Prince Yu realized.
Prince Yu's army fired shoulder missiles and threw grenades at the wall with no effect. The walls continued to move closer to the rebel army creating a total cluster-fuck inside the courtyard. In desperation, Prince Yu's army fired shoulder missiles into the air that rained down on the imperial troops on the other side of the wall. However, those troops had formidable, interlocked shields covering them preventing any real damage.
The imperial army then fired non-stop bullets at the rebel army killing scores of them every second. A few rebels managed to climb the wall and engage the imperial soldiers on the top. While Prince Yu managed to keep his ground, the few that were with him were easily killed and tossed over the wall. Meanwhile, the walls kept being pushed forward crushing even more rebel men down below. Finally, Prince Yu was tossed from the wall as the imperial troops kept up their rate of fire. At this point, all the upper levels of the courtyard were filled with imperial marksmen firing down at the rebel army. Despite their armor, the rebel army began dropping like flies. Within a few minutes, the entire ten-thousand-strong rebel army was destroyed.
After the battle was over, Prince Yu was the only rebel still left alive. The imperial army had been given strict orders from the emperor not to harm the prince under any circumstances. Prince Yu, buried in bodies, finally arose and was quickly surrounded by thousands of imperial troops. After a badass fight, Prince Yu was finally taken down and arrested.
The emperor and empress then emerged from the palace. "You took the life of my favorite son...and I took that personally," Emperor Ping scolded. "He told me everything."
"I figured he would," Empress Phoenix said nonchalantly.
"You truly are a crazy bitch," Emperor Ping remarked.
Several rebel leaders that had managed to escape were brought before the emperor and promptly beheaded. The emperor then went back inside the palace while his servants cleaned up the mess. In record time, the courtyard was cleared of all the bodies, the blood drained away, and the tens of thousands of flowers were replaced. Within a few hours, the entire courtyard was as before. Fireworks went off as giant choirs sang ancient tunes.
"Humanity, wisdom, trust, rituals, righteousness, loyalty, deep virtue pervades, hail sage kings!" the choirs sang.
The next morning, a disheveled Empress Phoenix and Prince Yu were brought before a large circular table on the roof of the palace looking over the courtyard. Prince Mon, in ceremonial Insane armor, walked up to the table with Brainiac 5 at his side. He tossed the head of Emperor Ping on the table and casually sat down. Empress Phoenix and Prince Yu gave WTF looks but kept silent.
Mon looked at ease taking the position of Emperor of China but then realized something was off. "Barney, how do all of these squares make a circle? It's just...it's fine, it doesn't bother me. It bothers me. It bothers me a lot!" Mon said irritably.
"It symbolizes that heaven is circular and earth is a square. The laws of the universe dictate the rule of earthly life," Brainiac 5 said helpfully.
"That sounds like bullshit," Mon rolled his eyes.
Mon then turned to Empress Phoenix and Prince Yu. "The family has united again...sort of," Mon said dryly with two princes dead and the head of the emperor still on the table. "And now, I believe it is time for the empress to take her medicine."
Servant girls came up to the empress to do just that. Empress Phoenix gave Mon an incredulous look of disbelief. At the last second, Mon waived the servant girls off. "You should have seen the look on your face," Mon said thoroughly amused. "What can be said of this family of traitors and deviants? An emperor who cowardly poisons his wife over several months? Then, we have an empress committing adulterous incest with her own stepson. A crown prince that commits incest with his half-sister. Another prince schemes to take the throne by killing his entire family. And then there is you, the prince that lost ten thousand men for the sake of his mother," Mon summarized.
Empress Phoenix and Prince Yu simply gave Mon blank faces having realized they had been played. "Prince Yu, you are to be the regional governor for China, and you shall appoint all governors in China. Your mother will remain a political hostage to assure your cooperation. Remember this, prince, of all things in Heaven and Earth, you can only have what I give you. What I do not give, you must never take by force."
And so it came to pass that Prince Mon-El delivered China to Kara's empire and ended the Korean War.
Tokyo, Japan
While Kara held court in Japan, Mon strolled in unannounced. A number of Japanese officers were offended by his presence for fighting on behalf of the rebel Samurai. Mon dismissively went past them and made his way toward Kara with a sword in his hand and wearing Emperor Ping's crown. Kara stood from her throne, still noticeably pissed at him, but remained silent to see what he would do.
"The sword of Emperor Ping," Mon said and then threw the sword down at Kara's feet.
"You wear a crown. Do you also call yourself a king?" Kara asked him.
"When I conquered China in the Insane way, I took the emperor's crown for myself. But I know now that there is only one ruler of this world," Mon said and then took a knee before her. "My crown is yours. China is yours."
Kara cautiously walked toward Mon thinking this could all be a ruse or a trick. She eventually took the crown off Mon's head. It was heavy, gold, and masculine looking. She noticed the impeccable engravings in the metal. After giving it a good look, she handed the crown off to Brainiac 5 attending to her. "Rise, Prince Mon-El," Kara ordered.
Mon got to his feet with a contrite expression on his face. Kara cracked a smile having forgiven his Insane antics in Japan. "A war with China could have resulted in tens of millions of dead and the destruction of the entire East Pacific. This world owes you a great debt. I owe you a great debt," Kara said sincerely.
The two of them embraced in reconciliation to the applause of all those present.
Author's Notes: For the purposes of pacing, I didn't find it necessary to parody the entire movie. In a way, it is already a parody of an insane family drama with way too much power and wealth. While Hero showed the virtue of an emperor uniting China under heaven, Curse of the Golden Flower showed the corruption of absolute power.