The Imperial fleet came to Bangkok to intimidate Thai King Mongkut into submission. Kara was on the flagship with her son, Kon, who appeared to be two and a half years old due to accelerated growth. "Mother, look! Bangkok, Bangkok, Bangkok, mother, look!" Kon exclaimed obnoxiously.
"I see," Kara said condescendingly and then turned to Brainiac 5 acting as her captain. "Will the King of Siam meet us at the dock?"
"Not as a rule," Brainiac 5 replied.
"Well...why the fuck not?" Kara asked peeved.
"I wonder if you know what you're doing on this mission," Brainiac 5 said uncertainly.
"Look, mother, look, a boat!" Kon shouted.
"That's the royal barge," Brainiac 5 pointed out.
"Alright, is the king on that boat?" Kara asked impatiently.
"No, the Kralahome, a prime minister of sorts. The king's right-hand man," Brainiac 5 replied.
"He better be here to meet us," Kara said expectedly.
"Most likely. That man has power, and he can use it for or against you," Brainiac 5 warned.
"Let's not jerk him off too hard. In time, he will serve me like all the other prime ministers," Kara said confidently.
"Look, mother, they're closer...they're naked!" Kon shouted.
Kara rolled her eyes. "They're only half naked, it's an important distinction," she told him.
"Are you afraid?" Kon asked wide-eyed.
"Me, afraid? Fuck no. I fear nothing," Kara told him.
"Should they fear us?" Kon wondered.
Kara got close to Kon to give him her full attention. "When humans are afraid of us, I start whistling a happy tune. That lures them into a false sense of security. Then, when they fuck with me, I destroy them. And after I've destroyed them all, I start whistling again."
"Good idea!" Kon laughed.
"It is, isn't it?" Kara smiled.
The two started whistling playfully until Brainiac 5 interrupted. "The Kralahome might think your whistling is disrespectful."
"Like I give a fuck," Kara glared and then realized his escort was already on the bridge. "Holy shit!" Kara said startled. The Kralahome's men immediately got on their knees and bowed their heads as he arrived on board. A spokesperson on his knees then came forth to converse with Kara.
"You schoolteacher for Bangkok?" the spokesman asked.
"I think there's a misunderstanding. I'm here to accept your unconditional surrender," Kara told him.
"Are you married?" he asked.
"Yes, he's off rescuing missionaries in Burma," Kara said vaguely.
"And what manner of man is he?" he asked.
"He's Insane," Kara admitted. "I think we're done prying into my personal life."
Kralahome proceeded to kick his spokesman off to the side and address Kara personally. "You come with me now," he ordered. "Your baggage come to the palace later."
"That wasn't our agreement. I expect to stay in a mansion," Kara corrected.
"The king doesn't always remember everything he promises," Kralahome said dismissively.
"For your country's sake, you will remind him," Kara threatened.
"If I do, it will make the king angry," Kralahome resisted.
"Well, you're certainly pissing me off, right now. If you're too much of a bitch to tell him, then I will," Kara said forcefully. "I will see the king at once."
"King is very busy," Kralahome refused.
"Yeah, bullshit. I intend to tell the king to his face my demands," Kara told him.
"It will be an interesting meeting. You come now," Kralahome said and then clapped his hands for his men to stand back up.
Kara and Kon walked about the streets of Bangkok as Kralahome was on a throne carried by a dozen men to the palace. There, Kon eyed a number of wild animals walking about, Thai men and women shirtless, and an active marketplace. Kara looked out of place in her black Supergirl uniform but was unaffected by the heat. Kara's eyes darted about as she focused on all of the people and structures. Kara and Kon finally followed Kralahome into the palace.
In the palace throne room, King Mongkut was on a throne in front of his many children who were kneeling before him with their heads down. The walls, pillars, and throne were covered in gold. The king wore a black outfit with silver coins all over his chest and arms giving the impression he had bubbles all over him. He was tan, slender, and bald. He looked noticeably pissed off.
"King in bad spirit today," Kralahome informed Kara.
"Well, that makes two of us," Kara said peeved.
"School teacher should wait for a better day," Kralahome suggested.
"The teacher shall school the king today," Kara insisted.
A prince of Burma came in, handed the king the terms and conditions, dropped off a young woman, and then took off. "What the fuck is this?" Kara asked Kralahome.
"The girl is a present from Burma to the king," Kralahome explained.
"Ah, I see," Kara said.
"The king is pleased with her," Kralahome determined.
"She does look beautiful and accomplished. Even I would date her," Kara said impressed.
"This audience is over," Kralahome informed her.
"Yeah, bullshit," Kara disagreed. "Kon, come with me."
Kara walked past the king's family still kneeling on the floor and addressed him. "Your Majesty, Kara Zor-El, new schoolteacher," Kralahome informed him.
"You are schoolteacher?" King Mongkut questioned.
"There's been a misunderstanding...," Kara began.
"You are part of my general plan to bring to Siam imperial culture. Already, I have brought the printing press to my people," King Mongkut said, impressed with himself.
"Yeah, I'm aware," Kara rolled her eyes.
"How do you know?" King Mongkut asked suspiciously.
"Before I came here, I learned all about your ambitions for Siam," Kara said.
"How old are you?" King Mongkut asked condescendingly.
"I am one thousand fifty-eight years old," Kara told him (1960-3018)
"And what year were you born?" King Mongkut asked.
"According to this world's calendar, 1960," Kara replied.
"How many years have you been married?" King Mongkut continued.
"Less than one," Kara said awkwardly.
"How many grandchildren should you have by now after a thousand years?" King Mongkut asked mockingly. His court also laughed with him. Kara merely smirked as she thought of various ways to put this king in his place. "You are not afraid of king," he sensed.
"No shit," Kara said obviously.
"To not be afraid is good for a scientific mind," King Mongkut complimented. "I think maybe you will be good at school teaching."
"First time anyone has said that to me," Kara said touched.
King Mongkut escorted Kara and Kon to his wives' quarters. There, Kara found several dozen wives hanging out with their children. "My wives are beautiful but lack knowledge," King Mongkut informed her. "I am too busy with foreign affairs to teach them. Here, is Lady Thiang, head wife," he introduced.
"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth," she said to Kara.
"You bet He did," Kara agreed.
"You have boy. I have boy, too: Crown Prince Chulalongkorn, heir to the throne," she said proudly.
"Lady Thiang, you will help Madame Zor-El with her school teaching, and she in her turn, will teach you better English," King Mongkut ordered. Queen Thiang immediately kneeled before the king in submission. "She is very grateful to me for my kindness."
"About our agreement...," Kara asked.
"I think you will teach my wives, too, those wives who are in Royal favor," King Mongkut said, ignoring her. "Also, I will allow you to help me in my foreign correspondence."
'I'll help you any way I can so long as I get my house," Kara said, playing along.
"House! House? What is this about house?" King Mongkut questioned.
"I want my house, the one I was promised," Kara stood her ground.
"You shall live in Palace. You teach in Palace; you shall live in Palace. If you do not live in palace, you do not teach, and you go wherever you please. I do not care. You understand this?" King Mongkut told her.
"It is nice apartment, with big window, see many things," Thiang said, hoping to de-escalate the situation.
"Like iron bars, guards at the doors, etc., etc., etc.," Kara mocked.
"You shall meet my children," King Mongkut ignored her.
"I suppose so long as it doesn't take all day," Kara allowed.
As it happened, it did take all day as they slowly came in, knelt before the king, and then took their places. Kara was about to chew out the king when one of the girls gave her a flower. The children ranged from 4 to 16 with the crown prince being the oldest. Upon looking at all the children, Kara couldn't help be touched.
"School teacher has graciously changed her mind and will live in palace," King Mongkut determined.
"For the time being," Kara allowed.
Upon entering her room, several queens were already present exploring her stuff. "Lady Thiang, remove them before I do," Kara threatened.
"Yes, Sir," Thiang nodded.
"Wait...why do you always call me, Sir?" Kara wondered.
"You have a scientific mind, not low-ranked, not woman," she explained.
"God, Mon would love this place," Kara muttered. "Well, far be it for me to question your culture and political system," Kara said to them all.
The Burmese princess then came in. "You have books to read?" she requested.
"Yeah, E-books, knock yourself out," Kara said, handing her a datapad.
The other women began to laugh and mock her. "They laugh at her because she is foolish child. She lives in palace of king and yet she is unhappy," Thiang explained.
"Well, I don't know. Maybe it's because she's a political hostage in a war she didn't start," Kara figured and then went over to her. "What's your deal?"
"I have love for one I shall never see again. It was the man that was chosen to bring me here. We tried so hard not to have love for each other, but we could not help ourselves," Tuptim said to her.
"You sound like my sister," Kara said vaguely. "I was very much in love with my ex-fiancé."
"Tell us about him," the women requested of her.
"When I think of Lex, I think about a night when the earth smelled of summer and the sky was streaked with white, and the soft mist of Maine was sleeping on a hill. I remember this, and I always will. But, you know, he betrayed me, killed my cousin, and vowed to destroy me. And my actual husband is an Insane warlord. But there was a time when I felt I was truly in love. Cherish that moment, cling to it," Kara advised them all.
The next day, Kara played along with the schoolteacher role. For the first time in memory, she was teaching young children about the world. "Alright, listen up, this is a map of the world," Kara said, showing them an actual map. "It just arrived from England." The map showed Kara's empire dominating most of the world in red color.
"This is Siam," Kara pointed to it.
"I don't think Siam is so small," Crown Prince, Chulalongkorn objected.
"Well, let me show you where I grew up," Kara said, pointing to Maine. "When I first came here, Siam was just a little country. Now that I have been here a day, it's still just a little country. But I am learning to understand your culture which is filled with cigarette-smoking monks, human trafficking, endangered species poaching, opium, shemale sex tourism, outrageous government corruption, and worshiping your king like a god. I mean, what the fuck?"
"At least we're not Burma," Thiang brought up.
"I'll give you that," Kara allowed.
"You like us, Miss Zor-El?" one girl asked adorably.
"I'm warming up to you guys," Kara said uncommitted. "It's a very ancient saying that if you become a teacher, by your pupils you'll be taught. Forgive me if I sound pretentious, but I'm not a subject matter expert on all things Siam. You are all precisely my cup of tea. You are all so beautiful and new to me. It's been nice being with you all."
Kara simply stared for a long moment and then snapped out of it. "What is that place?" Chulalongkorn asked.
"Holy shit," Kara said startled. "That is Norway. It's a cold desolate place. It gets so cold that the rivers and lakes freeze so you can walk across them."
"Walk on water?" one girl questioned.
"Yeah," Kara confirmed.
"How is that possible?" Chulalongkorn demanded.
"The Norwegians are descendants of the gods," Kara said dismissively. "And the rain comes down like white lace. It's called snow."
"I don't believe in this snow," Chulalongkorn doubted.
Kara quickly had a children's revolt on her hands as students questioned her facts and figures. The children got up and began jumping up and down and making lots of noise. "This is why I hate kids," Kara reminded herself and was about to give them all the clap.
King Mongkut suddenly intervened out of nowhere causing all the children and wives to fall to their faces. "How can school be so unscientific?" he demanded.
"We had a little misunderstanding, actually. It was more like full-blown insubordination and rebellion if you ask me," Kara said peeved.
"When I saw pictures of Switzerland, I saw snow on the mountain tops," King Mongkut recalled.
"The snow got there from the sky," Kara said helpfully.
"Ah," King Mongkut understood. "And who does not believe this?" he asked of the children. They were all silent.
"To be fair, they've never seen snow," Kara allowed.
"If you must see to believe then what is the point of school?" King Mongkut questioned. "Up!" he ordered. The children instantly got to their feet. "Let me hear another report of you not believing schoolteacher. You shall all take this opportunity to take advantage of this free universal education," he ordered.
"Feeling like a slave here," Kara said resentfully.
"Slavery very bad thing," King Mongkut declared.
"Yeah, no shit. You know, when you hire someone to be a schoolteacher and don't pay them, it's kind of the same thing," Kara said peeved.
"I don't understand. How can slaves be freed if their masters wish to keep them?" Prince Chulalongkorn asked.
"It is done by passing a law and by enforcing that law with extreme violence," Kara replied.
"What if there was a law in Siam against slavery but myself and father did not want it so?" Prince Chulalongkorn wondered.
"Royal immunity?" Kara assumed.
King Mongkut scoffed at her and then walked off like a boss. "Such an asshole," Kara said under her breath. "Recess, children," she ordered.
Kara then encountered Kralahome. "Crown Prince has healthy respect for his people's traditions, even more so than king," he said.
"Either that or he's a little shit," Kara replied.
"What the crown prince needs to learn, he will not find in this classroom," Kralahome said stubbornly.
"Like safe-sex?" Kara figured. "I mean, God damn," she shook her head at all the children the king had fathered.
"King wants impossible task of being a scientific man in all modern things," Kralahome said.
"I think he's a dumbass as well," Kara agreed.
"Inside him is just like his father that will not change. He will only tear himself in two trying to be something he can never be," Kralahome said.
"My sister gave me the same excuse when I told her to be straight," Kara recalled.
"You think you have great influence over king," Kralahome accused. "You will end up his slave like all the others."
"Don't threaten me with a good time," Kara mocked.
That night, Kara got woke up. She went to the door and found two guards standing. "The fuck you want?" Kara demanded of them.
"King want you," they said.
"With or without clothes?" Kara said as she was only in her nightgown.
Kara took her sweet-ass time arriving at the king's quarters where he was reading a book on the floor. "What do you want?" Kara asked annoyed. "Is that the Bible?"
"I think your Moses is a fool," King Mongkut said.
"Them be fighting words," Kara glared.
"Written by him, he said the world was created in six days. We both know it took many ages to create world. I think him a fool to have written so," he said boldly. "What is your opinion?
"Is this why I got called down here?" Kara evaded.
"How am I supposed to learn if different books say different things?" King Mongkut asked.
"The world was created in six days in four thousand BC and all scientific evidence to the contrary is deception from the devil," Kara told him.
"I still think your Moses is a fool," he said, not backing down.
"Well, you can go fuck yourself, Sir. Now, was there anything else?" Kara asked impatiently.
"Do you have any respect for me?" King Mongkut asked as he lay on the floor.
"Is that a trick question?" Kara wondered.
"Why do you stand over my head? I cannot stand all the time. And in this country, no head shall be higher than king," he said annoyed with her.
"Is this an elaborate way of asking me to suck your dick?" Kara asked.
"You are very difficult woman," he accused.
"You wouldn't be the first to say so," Kara mocked.
"You shall observe that when I sit, you sit, when I kneel you shall kneel," he ordered.
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Kara said having no intention to follow through.
"You promise?" he asked.
"I promise," Kara said half-heartedly.
King Mongkut then obnoxiously got on the floor forcing Kara to do the same. "I will send two male elephants to American forest where they shall then multiply where the people of America will be able to catch and tame them."
"How the fuck are two male elephants supposed to multiply?" Kara questioned.
"You manage the details," he said dismissively and got back up. "Goodnight."
A disgruntled Kara left the king's quarters. "Fucking idiot," she muttered and then encountered a Burmese man. "Holy shit!" she said startled.
"You are Miss Zor-El?" he asked.
"What do you want?" Kara asked annoyed.
"I must meet with Tuptim again," he pleaded. "Please. She has said you are a friend who will help us."
"I think you have me confused with someone who gives a shit. Are you asking to get killed?" Kara asked.
"Death is better than empty life," he said dramatically.
"Look, I'll let you do your thing in my room so long as I get to watch," Kara allowed.
The next day, after having a rather petty argument over Kara's house that was promised, Queen Thiang approached Kara to assist King Mongkut over a matter that evening. Kara reluctantly arrived at the king's quarters.
"What do you want?" Kara asked bluntly.
"Don't you see I am occupied? My mind is on very important matters," he told her off.
"Well, fuck me. I'll go back to my room," Kara said walking off.
"The Daily Planet editorial page called me a barbarian," King Mongkut said pissed off. "Do you believe this?"
"The Daily Planet is the source of all truth," Kara rolled her eyes.
"You do believe it because there is no one to say otherwise," King Mongkut said peeved.
"What are you going to do about it?" Kara challenged.
"Guess?" he asked her.
"A banquet with entertainment for the Imperial ambassadors. Put your best foot forward. Show them your best clothes, your most intelligent women, and your most beautiful men," Kara said.
"Yes, I'll have all my wives wearing Imperial clothing and shoes," King Mongkut decided. He then rang a gong to wake everyone up. "Wake the fuck up, go to the temple!" he shouted. "I will show them who is barbarian."
With only a week to prepare, Kara got all the wives into new Imperial uniforms. To humor the king, she allowed them all to wear white uniforms consistent with a general rank. "Put this shit somewhere," Kara said to Thiang.
"Thank you," she said gratefully.
"No, thank you," Kara said sarcastically as she left with them. She then scanned each of them with her X-ray vision to ensure they followed her instructions. "As I figured, where the fuck are your undergarments?" she demanded of them all.
"Why this matter?" King Mongkut interrupted as he wore a white imperial uniform. "Are you wearing undergarments?"
"All proper Imperial ladies wear undergarments," she informed him.
"And you will be wearing that?" King Mongkut asked of her black uniform and cape.
"Yes," Kara replied.
"And this is customary?" he asked her. "Why should you be in black, and we should be in white?"
"I am merely an enlisted schoolteacher while you and your wives are royalty," Kara lied.
"It is simply different," King Mongkut noted.
"I always wear black," Kara told him.
"As I have noticed but why?" King Mongkut questioned.
"It's the color of mourning," Kara said softly.
"And what should be mourning about? Your husband, perhaps?" he questioned.
"Sister," Kara replied. "And I don't give a shit if you disapprove."
"I did not say I disapproved," King Mongkut said defensively and then walked off to meet with the Imperial delegation, Mon-El, and Brainiac 5.
Mon wore his Insane ceremonial uniform while Brainiac 5 wore a black uniform with the Brainiac symbol on the upper left side of his chest. "Your Majesty, his imperial excellency, Prince Mon-El," Kralahome introduced.
"I am pleased," King Mongkut said diplomatically. "Cigar?" he offered.
"Thank you," Mon smirked as he took it. "And let me introduce my aid, Barney Dox, my operations manager."
"I am pleased," King Mongkut said and offered Barney a cigar as well which he politely took. "Let me introduce you to my wives."
"Please do," Mon said intrigued.
King Mongkut, Mon, and Brainiac 5 entered a room full of wives. "Royal wives," King Mongkut introduced. The wives cried out and fled the scene upon seeing Mon.
"I apologize. They have not given a good impression," King Mongkut said embarrassed.
"I do have that effect on women," Mon smirked.
"I assure you, Your Majesty, we have rarely been given such a positive impression by the people of this world," Brainiac 5 assured him.
"You have attractive wives," Mon noted. "How many children do you have?"
"One hundred six with five on the way next month," King Mongkut replied.
"Nice," Mon said impressed.
At the dining room ceremony, Kara met up with King Mongkut without having spoken to Mon or Brainiac 5. The Imperial delegation, upon seeing her, immediately bowed to her. King Mongkut smiled believing they were bowing to him.
"Bow," Kara said softly to him.
King Mongkut then bowed back to the delegation and took his place at the end of the table with Kara on one side and Mon on the other side of him. Present at the table were ambassadors of all the countries Kara had already conquered all wearing Imperial uniforms.
After a long awkward silence at the table, Kara gestured for King Mongkut to take the first spoonful of his soup so everyone else could eat. "Eat, eat, eat!" he said to the gathering.
"His Majesty had a point to say about Moses," Kara said to everyone.
"Logically, the truth is independent of the one who states it whether it be a scientist or a prophet of faith. When a man of faith says something scientifically true, we should all believe him," King Mongkut declared.
"Here, here," the Imperial delegation agreed.
Mon eyed Kara and then stood up. "A toast to the King of Siam. May he be an example to the rest of the world in all things."
"Here, here," the Imperial delegation said agreeably.
"To the gracious Imperial prince, powerful sovereign of colonies across human globe, I wish to say warm affection," King Mongkut replied.
Kara gave the entire Imperial delegation a WTF look as they drank to both toasts which completely ignored her. "Now, to tonight's entertainment," King Mongkut directed.
The Imperial delegation watched with fascination a play about Roots with Thai actors wearing black face and being mistreated by their masters. "This is extremely inappropriate. Thank you," Mon said sincerely to King Mongkut.
After the play, the Imperial delegation applauded sincerely much to King Mongkut's pleasure.
Later that night, Kara met up with King Mongkut. "I have good news to tell," he said excitedly. "Yesterday, a white elephant was found in the forest."
"So?" Kara wondered.
"It is a good omen. Everything is going well for us," King Mongkut said confidently.
"Yes, everything is going according to plan," Kara said cryptically.
Kralahome then entered the room to ruin the mood. "We have found Tuptim," he said.
"Where is she?" King Mongkut asked, suddenly cross.
"She is being questioned by the secret police. Her lover has not been caught," he reported.
"What?" King Mongkut asked outraged.
"It was believed she was running away with the Burmese man that brought her here," Kralahome said.
"Dishonor! Bring her in," King Mongkut ordered.
Kara watched passively as Tuptim was dragged into the room. "Miss Zor-El, do not let them beat me," she pleaded with her.
"Who is this man?" King Mongkut questioned.
"I do not know," Tuptim lied.
"You were lovers with this man," Kralahome accused.
"I was not," Tuptim denied.
"We'll get the truth from you," Kralahome said as the guards were about to whip her.
"Stop!" Kara told them all. "You can't whip her…without due process."
"You waste my time," King Mongkut said impatiently.
"If you do this, you'll have wasted away all of the good karma you earned this evening," Kara warned.
"Hold this girl. I'll do it, myself," King Mongkut said as he took the whip.
"You're being an asshole. You know that, right?" Kara asked rhetorically.
"Down, down, down!" he ordered the girl on the floor. "Am I king or am I not king?" he asked rhetorically.
"Don't do it," Kara warned.
"Am I to be a cuck in my own palace? Am I to take orders from a schoolteacher?" King Mongkut shouted. "I am king as I was born to be. And I will do things my way, not the Imperial way or the Thai Way, my way! And I am strong!" he said as he was about to whip her.
Kara suddenly fired a heat vision beam through his chest killing him on the spot.
A messenger came in. "The man has drowned in the river."
"Oh, no!" Tuptim cried as she was taken away.
"Well…shit," Kara sighed.
"You have destroyed him! You have destroyed king!" Kralahome said shocked and appalled.
"I'm not apologizing," Kara said indifferently. "You are in charge now."
At the funeral, the king's family was all gathered around a grand casket, all the wives and all the children. Kara arrived with Kralahome to negotiate Siam's surrender to the Imperial government. "This country needs a king," he insisted.
"A head of state must be thirty-five years old. Until then, Siam will elect its own lieutenant governor. Furthermore, Siam will be incorporated into Southeast Asia with its own governor. If the country wants to elect its ceremonial king as its head of state, they may do so at the appropriate time," Kara said.
"I will follow the commands of the new king," Kralahome said stubbornly.
"That's your prerogative," Kara said dismissively. She then turned to Chulalongkorn. "If you are king, what would you do?"
"I would make proclamations," he said vaguely, fearful of her and his new responsibilities.
"Yeah, no shit. What else?" she asked.
"I will proclaim the new year with fireworks," he said.
"All right, all right," Kara allowed.
"…and boat races," Chulalongkorn said enthusiastically.
"Wait…what the fuck?" Kara wondered.
"I like boat races," he said defensively.
"Okay, I got a real proclamation for you," Kara said impatiently. "There's to be no bowing to the king. You embarrass yourselves. Up! Stand at attention. Like soldiers, into lines. You will stand, with shoulders back, and chin high. When you encounter a commissioned officer, such as a king, you will salute him but only outdoors."
Kara then looked over the assembled group wondering what to do with so many wives and children. "You are now a Christian nation. Henceforth, polygamy is banned. In this country, marriage will be between one man and one woman. Already existing polygamous marriages may remain," Kara said.
"What about man who get surgery to look like woman?" Kralahome asked.
"Well…shit, I'll get back to you on that," Kara said sheepishly.
Kara visited Mon in Burma after placing Kon in Brainiac 5's care back in Metropolis. She found him surrounded by corpses. The bodies had holes blasted through them, heads missing, limbs torn off, and split in half. The entire jungle was a bloody mess. A troop carrier truck was destroyed with bodies thrown about. A patrol boat was also destroyed nearby. There were several traumatized missionaries getting treatment. Mon's uniform was soaked with blood from fighting some of them with a knife.
"Well, looks like you had fun," Kara said disgustedly.
"Let's just say, I got first blood," Mon smirked.