Kara met with one of the editors for the Daily Planet at an expensive restaurant. As she waited for Walter to show up, Kara worked furiously on a crossword puzzle. "Your Majesty," Walter said awkwardly.
Kara stopped what she was doing and stood up to shake his hand. "Walter Robison," he introduced himself.
"Thanks for coming to see me on your weekend," Kara said appreciatively as they both sat down.
"Oh, my pleasure," Walter said nervously. "What are you working on?"
"Just a...you know, it doesn't matter," Kara said, putting her crossover puzzle aside.
"The Daily Planet has free tickets to Yankee games," Walter offered.
"Thank you...but, to be honest, everything on this planet is free for me," Kara said embarrassed. "So, are you originally from Metropolis?"
"Yeah, born and raised here. A lot of the newsroom is from here. It really feels like a local paper in that way," Walter replied.
"And did that change at all when the paper was acquired by the Imperial government?" Kara asked curiously.
"No, I don't think that had a big impact," Walter downplayed.
"Good, and you're the editor for the Spotlight team," Kara identified.
"Ah, yes, but I think of myself more as a player coach," Walter said uncomfortably. "Are you familiar with Spotlight?"
"I used to work for Catco a thousand years ago. We would do some investigative reporting on celebrities. Find out who was dating whom, and who was a closeted homosexual," Kara recalled.
"Well, we are a four-person investigative team. We keep our work confidential," Walter said.
"What are you working on now?" Kara asked curiously.
"We just put out a piece on a shoddy construction outfit, and really, right now, we're trolling various people to see if we can get a reaction out of them," Walter answered.
"How long does that usually take?" Kara asked impatiently.
"Hard to say, couple of months," Walter admitted.
"Couple months? Really?" Kara asked dismayed.
"We don't like to rush it," Walter shrugged. "Once we settle on a project, we can spend a year or more investigating it. Why? Is that a concern?"
"Not...necessarily," Kara said as the wheels in her brain turned. "From what I understand, readership is down. Now, none of the media outlets are for profit. It's all subsidized by the state. You don't have to worry about competition. Honestly, even if readership was zero, you would still be working. I like to keep people busy, you know? That said, I, in particular, like juicy stories. So, as you can imagine, I'm going to need to take a hard look at things."
"So, no cuts?" Walter wondered.
"Probably not, I don't know, I don't focus on the financials," Kara said dismissively. "What I care about is making the Daily Planet essential to its readers."
"I like to think it already is," Walter said defensively.
"Yeah, well, let's agree to disagree," Kara shot down. "I think we can do better."
The next day, Kara called in all of the editors for a meeting. "Hello, as most of you already know by now, my name is Kara Zor-El, your queen. I'm delighted to be here. I have this tendency to drop in on a particular industry in a particular location on the planet and sack it for however long I'm interested. Before I became your queen, prophet, and superhero savior, I worked for Catco magazine a thousand years ago as a personal assistant to the head editor and as a junior reporter. So, I feel perfectly qualified to take over here."
"So, if we could go around and tell me your name and what you do, that would be helpful," Kara requested.
Everyone at the table proceeded to give their names and their departments. "So, I heard a rumor that priests are molesting kids again and their superiors know about it. Sup with that?" Kara asked.
Various people came up with excuses as to why the story wasn't being focused on. "This story strikes me as being kind of essential to our readers. At the very least, we should go through those documents," Kara insisted.
Later that day, Kara summoned Walter to her new office. "I just set up a meeting with outside counsel for tomorrow," Kara informed him.
"Who's the judge in this case?" Walter asked.
"Uhmm...you know...it doesn't really matter. I'm the queen and I get whatever I want," Kara said as she struggled to find the judge's name from her notes.
"It might be tough to sue the Church seeing as how its leader is also responsible for our entire economy," Walter said.
"I feel you guys have done shit with this story. Is that right?" Kara asked accusingly.
"No, it's not. We looked long and hard on that case," Walter said defensively.
"You looked long and hard on these child molestation cases? Well, okay then," Kara said unconvinced. "I want a long-term investigation into this matter. I'm all about the children. Also, Pope Barney pissed me off in Jerusalem, so this is my way to embarrass him. Is that something your team does?"
"Yeah...but we're still working on this Metropolis PD story," Walter deflected.
"I don't give a shit about police brutality. Can you set that aside?" Kara asked.
"We could...," Walter allowed. "But, we've been successful in the past mostly because we pick our own projects."
"So...could you...you know...be persuaded...to pick this one?" Kara asked with a fake smile.
The next morning, Kara had a meeting with a human lawyer on the case. "So...how can I help, Your Majesty?" he asked nervously.
"I'd like to challenge the protective orders for a bunch of priest child molestation cases," Kara said nonchalantly.
"You want me to sue the Church? Holy shit, I'm so fucked. I'm going to go to hell...," he stammered.
"It's just filing a motion," Kara rolled her eyes.
"You think it's that important?" the lawyer asked anxiously.
"Yeah," Kara said obviously.
"Obviously, the Church will fight us very hard on this," the lawyer said distressed.
"Yeah, well, I'm the queen. You better win for me," Kara insisted.
"Do you think our subscriber base will like it if we talk shit about the Church?" the lawyer asked skeptically.
"I don't really give a shit...what the subscriber base thinks. It only matters what I think," Kara assured him.
"Okay," the lawyer squeaked.
As the motion was getting ready, Kara went to see Pope Barney at the Cathedral in Metropolis in his office. "Ever since Alex started up her silly high school newspaper, I've felt an envious desire to sack it and do it my way. Then, I half-heartedly applied for a job at Catco and became a junior reporter with minimal qualifications."
"Yes, but that was a very long time ago," Pope Barney noted.
Kara simply stared at him as he was mocking her experience but not factually incorrect. "So, anyway, being at Catco, it was a big responsibility. We took a stand on civil rights and whatnot. Our readership ate that shit up. It was a tough seat to sit in, being an outsider, an alien outsider."
"I can imagine," Pope Barney humored her.
"So, if I can be of any help to you, don't hesitate to ask. I find it to be mutually beneficial when the Church and the media work together," Kara pitched.
"Thank you, but I think for the Church to function best, it should stand alone," Pope Barney shot down.
"Of course...but my offer still stands," Kara said. There was an awkward moment between them until Kara spoke next. "So...Barney, I heard a rumor your priests are molesting kids and you're covering it up. Sup with that?"
"If there was such a case, it would be handled internally," Pope Barney deflected.
"And the courts?" Kara asked.
"We have our own court system," Pope Barney said dismissively.
"It doesn't seem very transparent," Kara noted.
"You must trust me to do what is right," Pope Barney replied. "Here's a new addition of Canon Law," he said, handing her the book.
Soon thereafter, Kara attended a Church charity. As she reached the receptionist, she found her name not on the list. "It's Kara...K-A-R-A," Kara said annoyed.
"I'm just not seeing it," the receptionist said.
"Look, I don't need an invitation. I'm the queen," Kara said and then strolled right in. Inside the gala, Kara noticed high-ranking officials and members of the clergy. Since everyone in the empire had a minimum income regardless of whether they worked or not, charity was structured differently. During Lent, Pope Barney would shut down a number of sections of the economy to compel acts of charity from higher-ranker officials to the lower-ranked. In preparation for this, charity events would often be scheduled ahead of time.
"Enjoying yourself?" Walter asked, sneaking up on her.
"Holy shit," Kara said startled. "These kinds of events aren't my strong suit. I prefer noisy clubs where everyone is drunk as fuck. You involved in a charity?" she asked him.
"No, some of my friends are," he said vaguely. "The pope is in the corner if you're so inclined."
"We've met," Kara informed him.
"Did he mention the suit?" Walter asked.
"No, but he did give him a copy of the Canon Law," Kara replied.
"Very subtle," Walter smiled.
"Yeah," Kara nodded and then walked over to Pope Barney. "How many of these cases have you sealed?" she asked accusingly.
"You want to talk about this here?" Pope Barney asked, looking around.
"How many cases, Barney?" Kara demanded.
"You know I can't answer that, Kara. It would be...unethical," Pope Barney refused.
"Unethical? What the fuck?" Kara asked, pissed off.
"So...this would be the Kara Danvers, Catco junior reporter I've always heard of but never seen," Pope Barney said dismissively.
"Listen, Barney, you're going to want to be on the right side of this, the right side of me," Kara warned.
"I am the Church, the economy, the planetary defense network, the environmental control systems, and so forth. That's who you're talking to right now. If I were you, I would stop what you're doing and enjoy the party," Pope Barney threatened.
"Such an asshole," Kara hissed as Pope Barney walked off to talk with other officials.
After some investigative work by Walter and his team, they handed a list of 50 priest names over to Kara suspected of child molestation. "I think the story here is that Pope Barney knew about this and covered it up," Kara said.
"Bigger than fifty priests?" Walter questioned.
"If it came from the top down, yeah," Kara said obviously.
"The numbers indicate senior clergy was involved," Walter pointed out.
"Yeah, that will make noise, but it won't change the system one bit. We need to focus on the institution, not the individual priests. Show me Pope Barney manipulated the system so these guys wouldn't have to face charges and sent them back into parishes time and time again. Show me that it came from the top down," Kara ordered.
As the investigation continued, pissed-off Arabs unhappy with what happened in Jerusalem detonated an explosion in the basement of a major building in downtown Metropolis causing its demolition. Several other buildings also fell in the blast. A few thousand humans and tens of thousands of drones were destroyed in the blast. Kara was immediately on the scene to find as many living victims as possible. Drones swarmed the buildings looking for any additional survivors. For the moment, the world was distracted by the attack. Pope Barney addressed the world from Metropolis.
"You pray for the victims. You pray for the injured, and you pray for those who survived. You pray for the nation that our response to his may reflect our best ideals," Pope Barney said.
After the excitement of the attack and Kara's war resolution toward Afghanistan, Kara went back to her hobby job at the Daily Planet. "The judge granted your motion, but the Church has filed an appeal. The ruling is generally upheld in these manners. It will take a few weeks to rule, then there's a redaction process, so I'd say it will be made public mid-January," the Daily Planet lawyer said.
"Nice work. Thank you," Kara said to the lawyer and then waited for him to leave the office. "This is BULLSHIT!" Kara shouted, royally pissed off.
"We shouldn't go too deep with this," Walter advised.
"Why the fuck not?" Kara asked impatiently.
Walter then handed her a folder filled with documents. Kara sped-read through them in a few seconds. "This is substantial shit. It clearly shows Pope Barney is an asshole."
"I need more time. I want to keep digging," Walter requested.
"This is already a story," Kara assessed.
"Yeah, well, Pope Barney could say it was a one-time thing, and give a fake-ass apology," Walter told her.
"This clearly shows he knew about it and did nothing about it," Kara said accusingly.
"Look, I'm close to stories on seventy-eight priests. Give me more time, I can get you more," Walter promised.
"You have multiple sources on all those priests?" Kara asked skeptically.
"On some, I can get more," Walter admitted.
"Alright, you got six days," Kara allowed.
While Walter kept digging, Kara confronted Pope Barney on the matter. She handed the list of accused priests to him. He glanced at it briefly. "You're out of time, Barney. I have cover-up stories on seventy-eight priests. You going to deny it?"
"Have you lost your senses, again?" Pope Barney asked condescendingly.
"Everyone knows something's up, and no one is doing shit. We have to put an end to it," Kara told him.
"Don't tell me how to manage the Church," Pope Barney told her off. "I'm doing my job."
"Yeah, you and everyone else," Kara mocked. "I appointed you to be the leader of the Christian Church because I couldn't do it. I'm too fucked up. I'm a zealot. I'm corrupt. I'm not entirely sane. There are days when I just want to die. I'm the worst kind of sinner. I've committed murder, theft, fraud, sexual immorality, the whole list. I made you the pope because I believed you were detached, logical, competent, and efficient, and that you would take this role seriously for what it is. It wasn't important to me that you believe in any of this so long as you just played the role well...like an actor in a play. But now I know you're even more fucked up than I am. How could you defend these men? How could you let these children be abused? How could you cover it up and send them to a different parish where they would do it again and again?"
"Kara...," Pope Barney said gently.
"At least, with humans, I could understand. You know, snitches get stitches, bros before hoes, keep it internal, don't betray the brotherhood," she listed off. "But you're a fucking machine. What's your God damn excuse?" Kara asked tearfully.
"You always liked a good mystery," Pope Barney said softly. "Let me ask you this: Where are these priests now?"
Kara gave him a confused look. "Where are they?" Pope Barney repeated and then opened the door for her.
When the week was over, Kara summoned Walter to her office. "I got a corrupt as fuck lawyer to circle the whole list," he said helpfully.
Kara eyed the list. "Walter, where are these priests now?"
"Well, I don't know. It's part of the coverup," Walter said lamely.
"You don't know where even one of these priests is, not one?" Kara asked.
"There are rumors, addresses that don't check out, parish transfers that don't seem to have materialized," Walter listed off.
"Have you seen any of these priests in person since your investigation started?" Kara asked.
"No," Walter shook his head.
"I have to bury this story until you do," Kara said softly.
"You're burying my story?" Walter asked dismayed.
"You and your team have done some excellent reporting. It has had an immediate and considerable impact on me. For me, this is the kind of story that interests me. So, if you need a moment, you've earned it, but I'll need you back...Monday morning ready to do your job," Kara said.
"You're just as corrupt as he is," Walter shook his head disgustedly.
"Walter...let's go on a field trip," Kara said sympathetically.
Walter drove Kara to a spot and stopped just short of the destination. The two got out of the car and approached an invisible hologram barrier. The two went through the barrier and saw a large lake. The two continued down the path until they found Pope Barney, a few bishops, and a platoon of drones acting as security. On the lake was a pier that went out a distance towards the center. Pope Barney and his security drones appeared to be guarding a dozen individuals in white garments.
"What is this?" Walter wondered as he approached. "Some kind of baptism?"
"Something like that," Kara nodded.
A priest was led over to the edge of the pier by security drones. A metal collar was attached to his neck. He struggled a little but was dragged to the edge of the pier by the security drones. Pope Barney then spoke to the condemned. "From the Gospel of Matthew."
"I'm innocent, I was framed, that little shit is a liar!" the condemned spat.
Pope Barney ignored him and recited the relevant passage. "Whosoever, therefore, shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in My name, receiveth Me. But whoso shall cause one of these little ones who believe in Me to fall, it were better for him that a millstone were hung about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea," Pope Barney recited to the condemned.
Pope Barney then hooked a chain with a sufficiently high enough weight to the collar of the condemned. The condemned priest continued to struggle until he was cast off the pier and fell into the water. He immediately sank to the bottom. Pope Barney waited patiently for the bubbles on the surface to end and then summoned the next condemned priest.
"Well...fuck," Walter said amazed.
"I know, right?" Kara said befuddled.
After all the condemned were drowned, Pope Barney went over to Kara and Walter. "Satisfied?" he asked.
"It's still a cover-up. Why were you being so stubborn about letting me know?" Kara asked peeved.
"I know how you like your mysteries," Pope Barney said condescendingly. "And excellent work as usual," he complimented Walter.
"Thank you...Holy Father," Walter said awkwardly. "But I think these men should be tried in open court, with due process, with the victims being allowed to watch the proceedings."
"It's not efficient, most of these cases would be dismissed due to lack of evidence, and each one of these trials is a stain on the Church. I prefer my way, personally," Pope Barney replied.
"This is all well and good but what are you going to do to keep this from happening in the future?" Kara asked skeptically.
"I have some ideas," Pope Barney replied.
Rome
Pope Barney addressed the College of Cardinals, some of which were physically present while many others appeared as holograms. "St. Paul stated clearly that it is best if a man is not married as he was. He believed that a married man would be concerned for the affairs of his wife and that his loyalty would be divided. In this...he was not wrong," Pope Barney began.
"So, I say that celibacy shall remain an option for the priesthood," Pope Barney said, keeping the status quo. "However, a great many priests have failed to uphold their vow of celibacy within a very short time, up to 50% of you, and I know each and every one who has. This failure will bring great scandal upon the priesthood and the whole Church."
"Do I think pedophilia emerged from celibacy? No. Just as any other deviant sexuality does not emerge from the priesthood. But, my brothers, pedophiles who have been ostracized by society, who have no hope of marriage, and often seek God to cure themselves...end up finding their way to us," Pope Barney said as he eyed each of the cardinals individually.
"And I can cure any man of his affliction with science, but that man must seek my cure before committing the crime, not after," Pope Barney continued. "Now, should anyone, subordinate or superior, attempt to aid such a man, they will be punished in a manner consistent with the severity of their transgressions. Furthermore, anyone that has knowledge of these events, who fails to come forward, will be treated as equally guilty."
The cardinals in the room straightened up as Pope Barney walked down their ranks. "Now, then. If anyone has any knowledge of these events, I invite them to step forward...now," Pope Barney invited.
No one did for a good moment. Suddenly, a few cardinal holograms suddenly became erratic and shut down as they were purged. Pope Barney suddenly fired a metallic tentacle from his arm around a cardinal's neck and dragged him to the floor. The tentacle circled around his neck and then punctured his skull, killing him instantly. Pope Barney then withdrew his tentacle with such speed that it sliced open the dead cardinal's throat open in the process. The tentacle retracted into Pope Barney's sleeves.
With his purge done for the moment, Pope Barney sat on his throne and then addressed the surviving cardinals. "As it is written, a bishop shall be a man with only one wife. So, it shall be with all clergy who feel they can carry such a burden. Do not be deceived, my brothers. This change in policy will not end sexual sin and abuse within our ranks. Indeed, there will continue to be priests that will abuse and commit violence in and outside their family unit. So, when you know of it, I expect you to report it to me. Remember, my brothers, I have eyes and ears everywhere."
Author's Notes: A lot of scenes were cut because it would be too long and it's not really a funny subject matter. I am not really providing the "right" answer to this problem, just the AOS answer, as per usual.