On some random farm in Oklahoma, a Khund warrior crash-landed in a cornfield. He immediately started running as two Durlans pursued him, firing their laser pistols as they did. The cornfield quickly became ablaze from the firing. A farmer came out to see what all the ruckus was about and found his field on fire. "What in the blazes? I better get my gun," he said going back inside his house.
The Khund entered an unlocked farm silo to get cover and locked the door behind him. The two Durlans approached the door and studied how to get through it. As it happened, it wasn't air-tight sealed. So, one of the Durlans shape-shifted his body under the door and unlocked it for his partner. Realizing a simple door couldn't stop his pursuers, the Khund leaped out of the top floor of the silo and fired on the silo with his pistol. The silo exploded creating a massive fireball that instantly killed the two Durlans.
"Drop your weapon. I mean it," the pissed-off farmer said to the Khund with a shotgun in his hand.
"I come in peace," the Khund said in his own language.
"I don't know what any of that meant but I know how to use this," the farmer threatened.
"Let me help you rebuild," the Khund said getting closer.
The farmer fired into the Khund's chest mortally wounding him. "The fuck is he?" the farmer wondered of the wounded Khund.
In the upper atmosphere, an Atlas cargo ship approached an orbiting space dock holding the USS Nemo, a Poseidon-Class submarine. The Nemo was designed to be used for stealth missions in space with a cloaking device onboard. It had the shape of a "T" with three relatively large engines in the rear with the rest of the ship streamlined. On the top of the ship was a small dish for communication purposes, the shield generator, and the cloaking device. Inside the ship, towards the stern was the engine room. In the middle were the sleeping quarters and dining room for the crew. In the upper front was the bridge of the ship. Below the bridge was an escape pod that also hosted the officer's conference room. At the very front of the bow was the navigational sensor array. The Nemo was armed with missile launchers positioned on the belly of the ship and laser cannons positioned at the bow and sides. The ship was 100 meters in length with a crew of 40 enlisted and 10 officers.
With its relatively massive engines in comparison to its size, the Nemo was the fastest ship on impulse power of its kind in the galaxy utilizing nuclear pulse engines. Stealth and speed would be the Nemo's advantage as its hull, shields, and weapons were still relatively weak compared to other alien vessels. The Atlas cargo ship entered the submarine from the belly of the ship. In the docking bay, a mostly human crew was lined up in formation columns. Mon-El and Eltro-Gand exited the shuttle and met the rest of the officer crew: Dax-Am, Ol-Vir, Laurel-Gand, and a Brainiac 5 drone. Mon had personally chosen the all-Insane officer crew and reluctantly accepted the expertise and supervision of Brainiac 5 acting as a chief medical officer. Eltro would serve as chief engineer, Dax-Am at the helm, Ol at tactical, and Laurel-Gand at communications. The ship was still in need of an XO with Mon seriously considering the Insane fighting to the death for the honor of the position. All the Insane were wearing Insane ceremonial armor uniforms while the human crewmembers were in comfortable black jumpsuits.
"We're just going to Neptune and back. Too easy," he said to the nervous human crew. "How long should that take?" he asked Eltro.
"At warp 4, 3 seconds," Eltro replied.
"Fucking outstanding," Mon said pleased. "Make it go faster."
"Yes, Sir," Eltro smiled.
"Take her out," Mon ordered Dax.
"Sir, the empress wants your presence at Metropolis Medical," Brainiac 5 interrupted.
"Fuck me," Mon sighed, put two fingers to his forehead, and disappeared.
Metropolis
Kara and Imra made their way through the primary hospital in Metropolis. "Who was chasing him?" Kara asked referring to the wounded Khund.
"We don't know. They were incinerated in the methane explosion and the farmer's recollection was vague," Imra said.
"What have I told you about mind-raping my human citizens?" Kara scolded. "How did they get here past our sensors?"
"They must have been using some kind of cloaking technology," Imra shrugged. "We'll be handling it from here. We have good relations with the Khunds."
"The fuck you will. This happened on our soil," Kara objected.
"So what?" Imra wondered.
"I want to know what the fuck is going on here," Kara demanded.
"You'll be given all relevant information," Imra lied.
"I don't know, Imra. That sounds like bullshit," Kara doubted.
A disgruntled Mon entered the room. "What's this about? I was about to take off for Neptune. This better not be a waste of my time," he said and then looked through the window to see the injured Khund.
"It's a Khund," Kara said helpfully.
"No shit," Mon said knowingly.
"You're pronouncing it wrong. It's Khund, not K'hund," Imra said to Kara.
"Do I look like I give a damn?" Kara asked scornfully. "He was recovered in Oklahoma. He belongs to us."
"Is Oklahoma even in your jurisdiction yet?" Imra asked.
"The whole planet is my jurisdiction," Kara told her off.
"Not in the eyes of the galactic community. You control only a mere fraction of the entire landmass," Imra reminded her. "Fortunately, I took the initiative to contact the Khundian homeworld to inform them of developments."
"How studious of you," Kara sneered.
"Why am I here?" Mon asked.
"This asshole, here, is a messenger meant to take something back to his homeworld," Kara pointed out.
"We should postpone the launch of the Nemo until this is cleared up," Imra suggested.
"Fuck that. We launch today," Mon insisted.
"You don't want to make an enemy out of the Khundian Empire," Imra advised. "If not for my diligent diplomacy, Earth would be facing a squadron of Khundian warships."
"And they would all get destroyed," Kara said dismissively.
"We should deliver his corpse back to his people before there is a ridiculous loss of life to both sides," Imra advised.
Kara glanced at the Khund. "Err...he's not dead." She then went into the hospital room not bothering to put on scrubs. "Is this asshole going to die?" she asked a Brainiac 5 drone.
"Not necessarily," Brainiac 5 replied.
Kara then exited the room. "You're suggesting we disconnect this man from life support even though he could live?" she asked Imra.
"Yes," Imra said flatly.
"The fuck is wrong with you?" Kara asked dismayed.
"The Khunds are a warrior culture that celebrates death with honor. If he came back like this, he would be disgraced. It would be dishonor on himself, his family, his cow, his dog, his...," Imra listed off.
"I get it," Kara stopped her.
"If you understood the complexities of interstellar diplomacy, you would know this," Imra said condescendingly.
"Oh, I know it, alright. I just don't give a shit. So long as you stay alive, you can fight and resist. So long as you're alive, you can increase your kill count," Kara said wide-eyed.
"Exactly," Mon agreed.
"Look, pulling the plug is murder and I can't abide by that," Kara said. "What about you, Mon? Can you abide it?"
"Not one damn bit," he seconded.
"You're both total hypocrites. You're risking war on a galactic scale just to show off your volatile natures," Imra scolded.
"Volatile? Do you have any idea how much restraint it's taking me to not knock you on your ass," Kara glared.
"I rest my case," Imra rolled her eyes.
"Look, these Khunds want their man back. Fine, hand him to me, and I'll bring him back home," Mon volunteered.
"With your instant transmission?" Kara assumed.
"No, my ship," Mon corrected.
"This is no time to joyride around the galaxy. Just take him to Khundia immediately," Kara ordered.
"I've never been there before," Mon admitted. "I need a star chart," he said sheepishly.
"Kara..this is fucking stupid," Imra said obviously.
"Humanity has been waiting a thousand years for this moment. This seems like a good time as any," Kara decided.
"You're making a mistake!" Imra said passionately, cracking the glass to the medical room.
"If you think this is risky, go along with him," Kara suggested.
"Maybe I will," Imra said passive-aggressively and then left the room.
Kara then turned to Mon with a serious expression on her face. "Don't fuck this up."
Mon entered the bridge of the Nemo and was greeted by Eltro. "Since when do we have Titan science officers?" Eltro protested.
"We need their star charts to get to Khundia," Mon said embarrassed.
"So, we get their star charts and they get to put a spy on our ship?" Eltro asked incredulously.
"Something like that," Mon said bitterly as he entered his quarters and proceeded to take off his armor and shirt revealing his muscular battle-scarred chest.
"I thought the whole idea about this mission was to get away from that bitch," Eltro sighed.
"Four days there, four days back, and she's gone," Mon assured him. "Then, we can do whatever the fuck we want."
"I'd rather have a female dog on the bridge," Eltro shook his head.
There was a sound indicating someone wanted to come in. "Here we go," Mon smirked and then let her in.
Imra entered the room and gave Mon and Eltro cautious looks. "This confirms I was transferred to your command at 0800 hours. Reporting to duty," she said. She then noticed the smell in the room of two male Insane warriors and eyed Mon's physique.
"Is there a problem?" Mon asked her.
"No, Sir," Imra said as she struggled to keep a straight face.
"Oh, I forgot. Titans can read our minds. I hope our thoughts aren't too offensive to you," Mon smiled as he considered all sorts of depraved sexual thoughts toward her.
"I've been trained to deal with offensive situations and people," Imra assured him.
"I haven't taken a shower yet. Shall we take one together?" Eltro asked her.
"The fuck did I just hear?" Imra scowled at him.
"I'm sorry, this is Eltro-Gand III, a distant descendant of mine," Mon introduced. "Imra Ardeen."
"In Insane culture, we go by our first names," Eltro said to her.
"I'll try to remember that," Imra said condescendingly.
"Now, there are only two rules on this ship: What happens on this ship, stays on the ship and you do not talk about fight club," Mon told her.
"My reason for being here is not espionage," Imra said defensively.
"Yeah, buuuullllshit," Mon and Eltro said together.
"My superiors merely want me here to assist you," Imra lied.
"Your superiors don't think we can flush a toilet without your assistance," Mon mocked.
"And they're not wrong," Imra shot back.
"You're feisty. I like that in a first officer," Mon said.
"What?" Imra thought she misheard.
"You want the rank of #1 Vindicator, it's time you started taking the blame more often," Mon said to her.
"This is a bullshit position. None of your Insane colleagues will answer to my orders. You just want me to take the blame without any actual command authority," Imra realized.
"No shit," Mon smiled.
"After this assignment is over, be rest assured, I'll be happy to get off this piece-of-shit boat," Imra said angrily and walked out.
At the space dock hosting the Nemo, Kara made a speech to a delegation of Titans, Martians, Jin-Saiyans, and Humans. "Three years ago, Zach Cockran made his legendary spaceflight and gained the attention of our new friends, the Titans. We realized then that we were not alone in the galaxy...again. Today, we're about to cross a new threshold with the fastest impulse engine and best cloaking technology in the galaxy all in the name of peace and exploration," Kara said.
The crowd clapped except for the Titans who were keenly aware Kara was full of shit. "This warp engine wouldn't be possible without Zach Cockran and the many humans that worked so hard to make it possible. So, it's only fitting that this human crew is under the command of Insane officers with Mon-El as their captain," Kara said.
"Together, we will explore strange new worlds, find new civilizations, and go boldly where no human has gone before," Kara said.
On the Nemo, the bridge crew assembled. "Take us out," Mon ordered.
Dax piloted the ship out of the dock and into space. "Permission to go to warp?" he asked.
"Your calculations are off by .2 degrees," Imra said from her station.
"I don't give a shit. Engage," Mon ordered Dax.
The Nemo then went to warp ready to kick ass on an unsuspecting galaxy.
In sickbay, Mon stared intently at a swimming worm in a container. "The fuck?" he mouthed.
"Try not to shake my worm," Brainiac 5 said to him.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Mon said backing away from it and then curiously holding up a container with a fierce critter inside.
"Be careful with that. It's a very aggressive marsupial. Its droppings have high regenerative qualities," Brainiac 5 said.
"You're fucking high if you think I'll eat this thing's shit," Mon rejected.
"What's the difference between this and when animal droppings lead to crops which you then eat? This is merely cutting out the middle man," Brainiac 5 said.
"That middle man...is damn important," Mon insisted.
"There's much to be learned about animal droppings," Brainiac 5 said.
"I didn't come here to talk shit," Mon said annoyed. "Due to a miscalculation in our course, it will take eighty hours to get to Khundia. Is there a chance he'll be on his feet by then?" Mon asked.
"There's a chance he'll be on his feet in ten minutes. It's just not a very good one," Brainiac 5 said dryly.
"Alright, asshole, if he's not on his feet in eighty hours, he dies," Mon ordered.
"I'll do the best I can," Brainiac 5 assured him.
Mon invited Imra to his quarters for dinner. "Everyone should get out a little bit more. We can't be all work, no play," Mon said to Imra.
"I don't need you to fulfill my recreational needs," Imra shut him down.
Eltro then entered the room. "Nice," he said of the food.
The three sat down for dinner. Mon and Eltro obnoxiously inhaled breadsticks while Imra used a fork and knife. A chef came in and handed Mon and Eltro giant steaks while giving Imra a vegetarian salad. As before, Mon and Eltro used their hands to rip apart the steak with their teeth grossing Imra out.
"You people are savage," Imra judged.
Mon and Eltro gave each other high-fives for the compliment. "You should embrace patience and logic instead of being impulsive carnivores," Imra added.
"Enlightened cultures often find themselves exterminated by war, disease, hunger," Eltro brought up.
"It remains to be seen whether Insane leadership will be of help or a detriment to humanity," Imra said.
"Before we came along, humans were literally cannibals," Mon exaggerated. "We put a stop to some of that."
"Really low bar," Imra said unimpressed.
"In a couple of years, the B5 drones will get humanity above any other race in the galaxy," Mon predicted.
"Only with the proper discipline will humanity flourish," Imra argued.
On the bridge, Dax gave a status report. "We're at 4.3 Warp, Sir."
"Does anyone else feel that?" Laurel asked.
"Feel what?" Mon asked slightly concerned.
"These vibrations that go up your leg," she smiled.
"You're imagining it," Imra said to her.
"Did you just read my mind?" Laurel asked spooked.
"Take us faster," Mon ordered Dax.
The ship then had a slight jolt. "Yeah, what the fuck was that?" Laurel asked alarmed.
"Maybe you should go to your quarters and lay down," Imra said condescendingly.
"Fuck off," Laurel said to her in Titan.
"I was instructed to use English on this ship. I would appreciate it if you could respect that," Imra told her off.
"Oh, shit," the Insane males said as they excitedly awaited a catfight between them.
"Our patient has regained consciousness," Brainiac 5 reported.
"On my way," Mon radioed back. "Laurel," he ordered.
In sickbay, the restrained Khund was pissed-off. "What's wrong?" Mon asked Laurel.
"The translator isn't locking on," Laurel said of the device.
"Tell him we're taking him home in disgrace," Mon said to her.
Laurel translated the message making the Khund even more pissed off. "He wants to know who we are," she translated.
"Tell him we're Insane," Mon said to her.
"He wants his ship back," Laurel translated.
"Tell him it was destroyed," Mon ordered.
"He says he'll dine tonight in hell," Laurel translated. "I'm going to need to work on this translator's processor."
"Do you want me to take over?" Brainiac 5 asked, fluent in Khundian.
"No, this is a learning experience for all of us," Mon rejected.
"He says your wife is a bitch," Laurel said to Mon.
"Well...he's not wrong," Mon said dryly.
"He's over-stimulated. I doubt he knows what he's saying," Brainiac 5 excused.
"Smell my boots," Laurel translated.
"You mother-fucker," Mon said angrily as he aimed his hand at the Khund ready to incinerate his ass. The ship then lurched again.
"Is that the engine again?" Laurel asked.
Mon went over to comm. "Engine room, the fuck?"
"We've dropped out of warp and we're about to lose power," Eltro reported.
The lights in the sickbay suddenly went off. "Well...shit," Mon said frustrated.
Several Durlans came aboard the Nemo, moving towards the Khund in the sickbay. Mon energized his hand so it glowed in the room. In the chaos and confusion, the Khund began shouting non-stop. "Shut the fuck up," Mon ordered him. "Sedate his ass. I'm going back to the bridge," he said to Brainiac 5.
"There's someone here," Laurel sensed.
Mon and Laurel looked around with glowing hands. "Try the ceiling," Brainiac 5 pointed up. Mon looked up and saw the Durlan crawling on the ceiling looking to get through an escape hatch. Mon fired on the Durlan missing him. Mon sensed for the Durlan and was suddenly ambushed. There was a brief fight between Mon and Durlan and then Mon fired several times. The Durlan fell to the floor dead. At the same time, another Durlan grabbed the Khund and took off with him.
Mon came back to the bridge pissed off. Power had been restored and the Durlans were gone. "Why weren't we able to detect them?" he demanded of his officers.
"We detected some weird-ass anomaly right before the power went out," Ol said.
"Looks more like a glitch," Eltro said as he looked over the computer.
"Those weren't glitches in sickbay," Laurel said obviously.
Mon turned to her. "The Khund seems to know what they were. Try to translate his last words," he ordered.
"Right," Laurel said leaving.
"Captain, there's no way you could have anticipated this," Imra said smugly. "I'm sure Kara will understand."
"You're the telepath. Did you sense their minds onboard?" Mon asked accusingly.
"As soon as they boarded us, they cut the power," Imra excused. "We should go back to Earth."
"We're not going back so make do," Mon said stubbornly.
"You've lost the Khund. Your mission is over," Imra said obviously.
"I'm going to find out who took him and kick his ass," Mon said resolved.
"How do you plan to do that? Space is very very big," Imra said condescendingly.
"Oh, really?" Mon mocked.
"A shadow on the sensors won't help you find them. This is a foolish mission," Imra lectured.
"You can take your Titan cynicism and logic and shove it up your ass," Mon told her off.
"Your reaction to this situation is a perfect example of why Insane shouldn't be allowed outside their star system," Imra mocked.
"I was out killing fools all across the galaxy while your ancestors were still in their diapers," Mon reminded her.
"You will be informing Kara of our situation," Imra assumed.
"Fuck no so get yourself out there and make yourself useful," Mon ordered.
Mon entered the sick bay and found Brainiac 5 doing an autopsy on one of the killed Durlan. The Durlan had orange skin, yellowish eyes, and two antennas on his forehead. "What do you got for me?" Mon asked.
"It's a Durlan, a shape-shifting species," Brainiac 5 identified. "They have five lungs able to process different kinds of atmosphere, can change skin pigment, and their eyes can see light spectrums beyond even what your ship can detect."
"Is this guy some kind of mutant?" Mon wondered.
"Occasionally, a Durlan will have the ability to radically change their genome to any species they sample by physical touch," Brainiac 5 said. "Otherwise, they can slightly modify their bodies depending on the environment they happen to be in. For example, watch this."
Mon eyed the dead Durlan as his cheek went red when Brainiac 5 shined a flashlight on it. Brainiac 5 then shined a flashlight on the Durlan's heart causing it go to blue."
"Seems a bit random if you ask me," Mon said unimpressed.
In the engine room, Imra and Eltro worked together. "Check this shit out," he pointed out on the computer screen.
"It's just background noise," Imra downplayed. "Your sensors aren't capable of detecting plasma decay."
"Oh, really? How do you know that?" Eltro asked offended.
"Titans play with toys more sophisticated," Imra burned.
"You think you're so sophisticated and smart but, at the end of the day, you're going to be the one bending over backward for me," Eltro said arrogantly.
"Your captain's mission was to return the Khund to his people. He no longer has the Khund," Imra said dismissively.
"The captain may be from the 21st century but he knows what he's doing," Eltro said confidently. "He's our prince. That means he deserves our support."
"I'll help you sack him and then you'll be captain. In addition, I'll be glad to show my backside to you," Imra tempted.
"Problem?" Mon asked interrupting them.
"No, Sir," Eltro said loyally.
"My analysis is that we were attacked by a cloaked vessel," Imra reported.
"If we can detect their plasma decay, we could track their warp trail," Eltro said optimistically.
"But?" Mon wondered.
"Your sensors were not designed to measure plasma decay. You're still fucked," Imra informed him.
"Is it okay to be so close to that?" Laurel asked looking upon the warp core.
"It's alright. You're safe...with me. What do you got?" Mon asked gently.
"Nothing. It's all mindless gibberish," Laurel said.
"Anything on the Durlans?" Mon questioned.
"Nope," Laurel replied.
"What do you know about the Durlans?" Mon asked Imra.
"They're a more primitive species and they have never posed a threat," Imra said.
"Well, they have now," Mon said obviously.
"Perhaps it's not a coincidence that peaceful aliens are now becoming more aggressive in response to your ship," Imra suggested.
"Good," Mon said pleased. "Anything at all?" he asked Laurel.
"There is the word 'Rigel' in the transcript. It could be referring to the Rigel system," Laurel said helpfully.
"Ringing a bell?" Mon asked Imra.
Imra gave Mon an uncomfortable look. "According to the Khund's ship records analyzed by Titan engineers, Rigel X was his last stop before coming to Earth."
"And you weren't going to tell us, were you?" Mon asked accusingly.
"I wasn't authorized to tell you of our findings," Imra said flatly.
"The next time you withhold information from me, you'll be sent to the brig for the duration of this journey...without clothes on," Mon threatened.
"Don't threaten me with a good time," Imra shot back.
Mon smiled amused at her feistiness and tapped his badge. "Helm, this is the captain. Set a course for Rigel X."
Upon arriving at Rigel X, Mon met up with his officers. "We'll be touching down in a trade complex. It has thirty-six levels," Mon informed them.
"Your translators are compatible with Rigellian but you will encounter many other species, in which case, you're shit out of luck," Laurel said handing them earpieces.
"You have a tendency to be assholes. I advise you all to restrain yourselves from that tendency," Imra advised.
"Tall order," Eltro smirked.
"This Khund was merely a courier. If we go down there and find his contact, we may get information on who took him and why," Mon said. "A giant pink-skinned Khund doesn't go unnoticed."
"It's highly unadvised for the entire officer crew to go down to the surface," Imra lectured Mon.
"Yeah, well, we're going to do it anyway," Mon said dismissively.
An Atlas-class cargo ship exited the Nemo and headed toward the trade complex. The planet was dark and cold with constant snow. Inside the trade complex, those on the upper level started fires in containers just to keep warm. An alien bag landed on Eltro's shoulder. With lightning-fast reflexes, he swatted it, making a mess of his uniform. Imra merely rolled her eyes at him.
Behind a closed door, Eltro noticed a woman supposedly getting raped. "It's nothing that concerns us," Imra told him.
"Either it's a rape in progress or I'm missing out on a good time," Eltro said and then fired a beam that blasted the door off. He then entered the room and beat the shit out of the male client.
Eltro then came back to Imra. "Well?" Imra asked impatiently as they had just made a scene.
"Turns out it was both," Eltro smirked.
Elsewhere in the facility, Ol and Dax were at the strip club watching pink and blue-skinned alien women dancing. "Would you like to meet them?" an alien pimp asked the two Insane male warriors.
"Absolutely," Dax said.
"Which of them would you prefer?" the pimp asked.
"Both," Ol told him.
As Imra was talking to people and reading minds, Eltro looked around and found a child barely able to breathe. "Captain, I have collected intel that Khunds have been known to go to level nineteen in the easternmost sub-section."
"I'll be on my way," Mon radioed declining to tell her how he was getting drunk as fuck at the bar.
Imra and Eltro went on their way with a Durlan spying on them.
Mon and Laurel eventually made their way to level nineteen and found themselves in an area full of geothermal pipes. "Maybe we should get back to where people are," Laurel said timidly.
"There are plenty of people right here," Mon said as they were ambushed by several Durlan. After a brief fight, Mon and Laurel were taken towards a collection of Durlan. Laurel was placed in a forcefield cell along with Imra and Eltro who had already been captured.
"We've been waiting to be rescued for hours," Imra said crossly.
Mon said nothing to her as he was taken away to the Durlan lair. There, he encountered their leader, a female Durlan appearing humanoid. "You're looking for that Khund? Why?"
"Who the hell are you?" Mon demanded.
"I am Sarin. Tell me about the people that took the Khund off your ship," Sarin requested.
"Ugly as fuck just like your friends outside," Mon said snidely.
"Where were you taking him?" Sarin asked.
"To his home," Mon said vaguely.
Sarin circled Mon seductively. "You better be careful. I'm a lot bigger than you are," he warned.
"I'm a shape-shifter. I can easily make myself bigger, thicker, longer," Sarin told him.
"Fair enough," Mon allowed.
"Why were you taking that Khund home?" she asked.
"To take him home in disgrace...for funsies," Mon said truthfully.
Sarin then gave him a kiss which he accepted until Sarin shape-shifted back into a Durlan. "Holy shit, fuck," Mon said getting away from her.
"I have the ability to determine trust but it requires close contact," Sarin excused.
"For the love of God, turn back," Mon pleaded.
"You have lost perspective. I'm the same woman," Sarin said offended.
"Oh, really?" Mon rolled his eyes.
"That Khund was carrying a message to his people. I was the one that gave it to him," Sarin revealed.
"Well...no shit," Mon said obviously.
"The Durlan have been attacking the Khund Empire. They have made themselves appear as various factions to create a civil war. I was bringing proof of this to their High Council," Sarin said.
"They couldn't have figured this out on their own?" Mon asked unimpressed.
"They're not the smartest species in the galaxy," Sarin sighed.
"So, why do this?" Mon asked.
"It's part of a prophecy, directives from the future," Sarin said.
"Gotcha," Mon said condescendingly.
"We don't have a starship. You'll have to take us with you," Sarin said to him.
Durlan agents suddenly fired on them from all directions. Rebel Durlan fired back as the Insane officers and Imra watched from their cell. Sarin made her way over the cell to turn off the forcefield when the Insane easily overloaded it with beams of energy. "You could have escaped at any time?" Sarin asked incredulously.
"Of course," Eltro smirked.
"Where's your vessel?" Sarin asked impatiently.
"On the roof," Mon answered.
"Let's move," Sarin said to them.
"Can't you shapeshift so they stop shooting at us?" Mon asked her.
"Durlans can see other Durlans even when they're shapeshifting," Sarin explained.
"Shit," Mon frowned. "Diamond formation around her," he ordered his crew.
The Insane crew formed a diamond formation with Sarin in the middle and fired at anything that moved including Durlan crawling on the ceiling. For her part, Imra formed a forcefield around herself and Sarin as the Insane blasted the place up. The crew entered an elevator and then exited into the darkness, cold, and snow. The shuttle was nowhere to be seen.
"Dax, where the fuck is my shuttle?" Mon raged via radio.
"Ol and I have decided it's time for new leadership. We're leaving with the ship. There's a storm coming. I would go back inside," Dax replied as the shuttle entered the Nemo.
Durlan agents found the Insane crew on the roof and fired on them. The Insane fired back at them scorching the roof. "What's your plan, captain?" Imra asked bored as laser beams deflected off her forcefield.
"Everyone get close," Mon ordered.
"You intend to use instant transmission on a moving ship in orbit?" Imra asked incredulously.
"Trust me," Mon said to her.
The Nemo was about to warp when Mon, Imra, Eltro, Laurel, and Sarin instantly appeared in the engine room.
On the bridge, Mon appropriately chewed out Dax and Ol for their mutiny, and dereliction of duty by spending the entire mission with prostitutes and getting infected with an exotic STD. Brainiac 5 sent them both to quarantine where they were forced to take a shower together with a special soap. Mon, Imra, and Eltro entered the sick bay to get a progress report.
"They'll both be fit for duty within the hour granted neither of them drops the soap," Brainiac 5 said.
"What happens if they do?" Imra asked curiously.
"In Insane culture, no male would ever dare to bend over in front of another male. It may create a stalemate that could last for several hours, days even," Brainiac 5 said.
"These two officers committed mutiny against you on your first voyage out. They should be severely punished," Imra advised.
"I'll make sure they get a good spanking," Mon mocked her.
"These constant challenges to your leadership are counterproductive," Imra lectured.
"Says the woman that tried to bribe my chief of engineer with sexual favors to sack me," Mon chided.
"I was merely adapting to your culture so as to exploit it," Imra said defensively.
"In Insane culture, ingenuity, initiative, and determination are rewarded," Mon told her. "Now, where the fuck are my plasma decay readings?"
Imra rolled her eyes at him. "I've modified your sensor array so you can track plasma decay," she said.
"We're now following the Durlan ship that attacked us," Eltro added.
"There's no need for that. We now have the source of the message. She can deliver it personally to the Khunds," Imra said.
"If it was so easy, she would have done it, herself, before," Mon said obviously. "The Khunds can detect a shape-shifter in their ranks and won't trust a female Durlan. We must have the Khund courier."
"Then, why do we even need Sarin?" Imra asked impatiently.
"Getting the message to Khundia is secondary to acquiring our own intelligence. We're going to squeeze everything that Durlan knows and you're going to help us," Mon said to her.
"And if I refuse?" Imra asked.
"We'll do it our way," Mon threatened.
"The Durlan have technology far surpassing your own. If we encounter them, they will kick our ass," Imra predicted.
"Sounds like a challenge to me," Mon smiled.
"I'll head back to the bridge," Imra said defeated.
"Dismissed," Mon mocked her as she left.
The Nemo exited warp upon arriving at a gas-giant planet. "It's a Jupiter-class gas giant," Imra informed Mon as he entered the bridge. "The Durlan vessel went to impulse power and entered its radiation belt. We've lost them."
"Move us in closer," Mon ordered Dax at the helm. "Anything?" he asked Ol.
"The radiation has dissipated their warp trail," he reported. "I only have fragments."
"Well...shit, I guess we destroy the planet from orbit. Only way to be sure," Mon smiled. His Insane crew shouted and hooted over the prospect of destroying a planet. "Or, you can give us a hand," he said to Imra.
"Fuck me," Imra shook her head dismayed. "Lieutenant, do a spectral analysis of the fragments."
"Too much distortion. The decay rates don't even match," Ol said argumentatively.
"Calculate the trajectory of each fragment," Imra told him.
"Damn it," Ol muttered as the new analysis showed an obvious path of multiple ships converging at one point inside the clouds.
"Fourteen Durlan ships all within the last six hours. We have found what we have been looking for," Imra said.
"Red alert, weapons online," Mon ordered Ol. "Bring us in," he ordered Dax.
The Nemo dived into the clouds of the gas giants. As the ship went deeper, the atmosphere became fluid. "We got sensors," Laurel reported.
"Long-range scans," Mon ordered.
"I'm detecting vessels," Imra reported.
"Can we fire on them?" Mon asked Ol.
"Too far away," he said disappointed.
"I'm picking up something rather big," Dax said from his station.
Mon eyed the viewscreen showing a rather large space station. "All sensors," he ordered. "Khund?"
"There are three thousand life signs but I can't tell what life signs they are, yet," Laurel reported.
A few Durlan ships fired on the Nemo creating minor damage. "Let's see if they'll follow us," Mon said to Dax. The Nemo went back to the cloud level and the Durlan ships did not follow.
"Captain, the station appears to be made up of hundreds of vessels interlocking with each other magnetically," Imra showed Mon.
"I've found the Khund," Laurel said confidently. "This bio-reading is definitely not Durlan."
"We can't be certain it's Khund," Imra said obviously.
"Go back towards the station," Mon ordered.
As soon as the Nemo entered the fluid atmosphere, three Durlan ships engaged them with accurate shots. Ol fired back missing each time. "God damn, your aiming sucks," Mon chided.
"It's a fucking liquid atmosphere," he said defensively.
"It's not stopping them," Mon pointed out as they continued to get hit.
"We should go back up," Imra advised.
"No, keep our position. Let's get them in closer," Mon said dangerously.
The Durlan ships continued to fire as they came closer. The Nemo then opened fire destroying the three vessels. The bridge crew celebrated their first kills while Imra merely rolled her eyes. "Alright, I'm going to transport myself over to the station, kick some ass, take some names, and get back our Khund," Mon informed his crew.
"May I discuss this with you in private?" Imra asked him.
"Fawk," Mon shook his head as they both went to his quarters.
"There is a Titan ship only two days away. We should wait for assistance," Imra said once they were alone.
"Yeah, fuck that. The glory will be all ours," Mon refused.
"You will have other opportunities to show how badass you are," Imra said reasonably.
"Never put off tomorrow what you can kill today," Mon told her.
"You could be killed," Imra said.
"Like you give a shit," Mon scoffed.
"If anything happens to you, Kara and Titan High Command will hold me responsible," Imra said.
"Sounds like not my problem," Mon said dismissively. "Time to go. The ship is yours," he said as they were hit again. Mon then instantly teleported himself onto the station.
Imra sat in the captain's chair, now in command of the ship. "Take us on a course to Earth, maximum warp," she ordered.
The crew merely stared daggers at her. "Just...kidding," Imra said upon seeing their reaction.
On the station, Mon went around the halls firing on random Durlan every so often. Meanwhile, the Nemo was being hit with depth charges in the fluid atmosphere. "I'm detecting something!" Laurel said as they were hit.
"Move us away five kilometers," Imra ordered seriously.
"What direction?" Dax asked.
"Any direction," Imra snapped.
Mon sensed around and found the captured Khund. Upon releasing the Khund, he started acting up. Mon pointed his hand at him. "Don't make me have to carry your ass out of here," he told him.
Upon exiting the cell, Mon and the Khund were fired upon. The Khund began shouting incoherently in an excited manner. "Shut the fuck up," Mon hissed at him. A Durlan tried to sneak up on them from the rear. The infuriated Khund took hold of the Durlan and snapped his neck.
Mon fired on the control panel in front of him releasing all of the Durlan ships off the station creating chaos and confusion. A number of Durlan ships collided and exploded in the fluid atmosphere. Mon attempted to link back with them but could no longer sense them.
"Well...shit," he sighed.
On the bridge of the Nemo, Eltro confronted Imra. "Turn the ship around," he told her.
"It would jeopardize everyone onboard," Imra resisted.
"The captain assumed we would go back for him," Eltro protested.
"The captain can handle himself or do you think he can't?" Imra asked manipulating him.
"Whether or not he can isn't the issue. We follow the captain's orders," Eltro told her off.
"The captain placed me in charge in his absence knowing how foolish and impulsive you all are," Imra shot back.
"Your position on this ship is a joke that has gone way too far," Eltro said, on the verge of sacking her.
"The situation must be analyzed logically," Imra said calmly.
"We're Insane. Logic doesn't apply to us," Eltro argued.
Imra got out of her chair and stared him down. "You think you can take me?"
Ol, Dax, and Laurel all took Eltro's side on the bridge ready to tackle her ass. Imra suddenly used her telekinetic powers to choke them as they stood. The three Insane fired on her stunning her. Shortly thereafter, the Nemo headed towards the space station even as it was being fired upon by the Durlan fighters. In engineering, Mon and the Khund instantly teleported. The Nemo then departed from the area and warped toward Khundia.
Arriving on the bridge, Mon gave his bridge an unimpressed look. Imra, Eltro, Dax, Ol, and Laurel were all on the floor stunned. Mon eyed Brainiac 5 in the captain's chair. Upon seeing him, he got up and relieved himself. "Report," he demanded his bridge crew only getting groans in response.
"I took the liberty of taking control of the ship once it became clear the bridge crew was incapacitated," Brainiac 5 said.
Mon gave him a weary look knowing full well he could take over the ship at any moment from any station. "Treat the Khund for injuries and keep his ass sedated," he ordered him.
"As you wish, captain," Brainiac 5 said and then left the bridge.
Mon sat in his chair with his bridge officers still on the floor passed out and several consoles still sparking and on fire.
On Khundia, Mon, Imra, Laurel, and the Khund came before their High Council. "I have an urgent message. Durlan shapeshifters are impersonating Khunds to create chaos within our ranks and create civil war," the Khund announced.
"Well...no shit," the Chancellor said obviously.
The Chancellor then approached Mon. "Not bad," he said to him. "Now, get the fuck off our planet, Jin-Saiyan."
On the Nemo, Mon had a meeting with Imra and Eltro in his quarters. "Kara has informed the Titan High Command about the Durlans. We are now in the process of liberating Rigel X as the first of many worlds to join the Galactic Federation," Mon said.
"Nice," Eltro smiled. "What are your orders, captain?"
"We're going to go farther out and conquer, I mean liberate, more worlds," Mon said.
"I was under the impression Nemo would be taking me back to Earth," Imra said peeved.
"It's out of our way," Mon lied. "By the way, Barney is getting a kick out of studying the human endocrine system. Apparently, our little adventures have caused the humans onboard to piss themselves in fear."
"I'll make the humans do double shifts on the repair work," Eltro said enthusiastically.
"That outer hull is going to need patching up. Hopefully, we'll be engaged by another hostile alien soon," Mon said to him as he left.
"I'll be praying for it," Eltro smiled as he left the room.
Mon then turned his attention to Imra. "Ever since I came to this time, the Titans have been an obstacle to true Insane glory."
"I understand," Imra said condescendingly.
"I don't think you do," Mon doubted. "If I'm going to pull this off, a Titan science officer could be handy. However, if I ask you to stay, it will look like I couldn't handle this on my own. So, you're going to request to your superiors that you be stationed here indefinitely."
"And why the fuck would I do that?" Imra asked incredulously.
"Because Barney already forged your electronic signature and sent it off," Mon smirked.
"Fuck me," Imra realized.
Mon exited his quarters and looked over his Insane crew with approval. They were young, weak, and inexperienced but, in time, the galaxy would be theirs one system at a time.
Author's Notes: Based on Star Trek Enterprise 1X01-1X02, the greatest Star Trek show no one watched.