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Loyalty and Limerence

Part 1

Chapter 8

The SSV Normandy

A few days after the near disaster on Noveria, things were starting to settle back into the usual routine. Liara seemed to be perking up a little after a few days of despondency, Jane and Kaidan were both healing up just fine, and they were back to waiting until they got another lead on Saren. There was some talk of going back to the Citadel for a resupply, some information gathering, and a little shore leave, but no one was sure if or when that might happen. In the meanwhile, they were heading toward a nearby system where Shepard had promised to search for someone's missing brother.

Garrus, though, was struggling a little to get back into his normal routine. For some reason, he was feeling somewhat unsettled, struggling to focus on work. He itched to get up and move around, and when he finally sat down and tried to get something done, he kept thinking back to Noveria and everything that happened there. What he needed was a good fight, but he didn't want to ask Jane to spar until she was feeling 100% again. Suddenly, he was back on that catwalk, his boots clanking on the metal as he dashed toward her, her feet kicking and she struggled in vain to get purchase on the force holding her up by the neck-

Garrus shook his head and blinked, trying to return to the present. He stared up at the bottom of the Mako from where he was laying on his back between its two front tires, his tools arrayed around him at an easy distance. He took one deep, long inhale, held it, and slowly let it go again.

Just as he was about to pull up his omni-tool to start some music playing through his visor, he heard the elevator door open. Recognizing Jane's gait, he was about to call out a greeting, but stopped when he heard another set of steps, also easily recognizable. The Commander joined her as Jane came to stand at the weapon station across the open room, and as Garrus glanced up he could see they thought themselves alone. They always seemed more relaxed and at ease when they were alone together, and Garrus felt an odd little pang at that thought.

"I know something is bothering you." Jane's voice was still strained after the events on Noveria, but, regardless, it managed to carry through the room as she pulled a weapon mod out of a box on the desktop. After a moment of silence, she glanced up at her brother, who had his back to the Mako. "Is it the rachni queen? Honestly, that one's still bothering me. I can't believe you let her go." John huffed through his nose, but didn't respond. "John…" Jane finally prompted, a warning in her voice."

"How is your neck feeling?" Shepard changed the topic, though the question was full of genuine concern.

"As fine as it can be, given the circumstances. Combat injuries are part of the job." She seemed dismissive. "We've both dealt with worse, you know that. What is actually bothering you?" A few heartbeats later, he finally responded.

"I don't know, it's just everything that happened with Liara's mother, it's sent me down memory lane a bit. It's just lingering, you know what I mean?"

"Sort of." Her voice held very little conviction, and they shared a look. "What? I was six when she died, John. I barely remember Mom." Shepard sighed, and Jane ran a hand through her hair in a gesture Garrus was beginning to associate with when she felt uncomfortable or unsure.

Wait. Their mother had died when they were that young, and-

-No worries, I don't really remember him, honestly.-

Had both their parents passed away that long ago? The Shepards had been… orphans?

"I wish you could remember them like I do, really miss them." The sadness and wistfulness in Shepard's voice cut like a knife and Jane's sigh felt heavy as she returned her eyes to her work.

"I know. But I had you, so it worked out okay. That's more than many can say." Shepard's hand came to rest atop her head, leaning his own down to bump gently against it. Jane remained like that for a moment before elbowing him in the side, causing John to groan and laugh. Garrus felt guilt churn his stomach as he viewed the intimate scene, knowing that none of this was something meant for him to see. But he couldn't look away as he got the chance to witness this rarely seen side of these two people he was growing to admire so much. "You get so touchy feely when you get emotional." Jane teased in a familiar, sisterly way.

"Perhaps. But I'm glad you feel like I was enough. You deserved a better childhood."

"John." Her tone was final, as though this was a discussion they had had many times in the past. "I owe you my life a hundred times over, as did half a dozen other kids on the street. We never would have survived without you. I'd say we were pretty lucky to have you." Garrus felt his confusion growing as she spoke, trying to piece together the clues she was dropping. There was no way his suspicions could be true, was it? Had John and Jane Shepard grown up alone on the streets of Earth? Burning with curiosity now, Garrus couldn't have stepped away if he'd wanted to.

"You know you are exaggerating." Shepard laughed before continuing, "They would have been fine, one way or another. Plus, you're the reason we got our lives turned around, it would have been a lot harder to get out otherwise. So let's say we're both pretty lucky." Garrus blinked as he realized he'd never looked into Shepard's pre-service history. A lot of that, particularly for Alliance officers, wasn't that hard to track down. The two Shepards shared a smile, though hers was a bit exasperated.

"Fine. But I'm sure we'd have gotten out from under the Reds one way or another, eventually. How about we call it even? Now, I'm sure you have plenty to do, Commander, so if you don't mind letting me get to work?" Jane hefted the mod in her hands as emphasis and Shepard sighed in an exaggerated fashion.

"Yeah, yeah. Slave driver." He chuckled and affectionately punched her shoulder. "You sure you're feeling okay after what happened?"

"I'll be fine, John. But thanks for worrying about me." Jane reached up to punch his shoulder in return, but he danced out of reach just before she could connect, causing them both to laugh before he turned and left for the elevator. After a moment, Jane turned back to her work.

Realizing he was in a sticky situation, Garrus tried not to panic. Somehow he had to make his presence known without revealing that he'd overheard the entire exchange, which had clearly been private. Slowly, he started to push himself out from between the two front wheels without making a sound. Maybe if he could get behind the Mako, he could make it seem like he'd just left Engineering? Suddenly, the silence of the room was rent by a loud clattering, causing Jane's head to snap around. Garrus felt his heart sink as he noticed the tool box beside him, now tipped over, the contents strewn across the floor around him.

As Jane put down her mod and started walking in his direction, Garrus' brain hurriedly tried to come up with excuses for why he hadn't made his presence obvious, but it went silent as she came to stand over him, her eyes narrowed.

"Need a hand with that, Officer?"

"I- No, I think I'm good. Thanks." He winced at the barb and tried his best not to stutter through his embarrassment, gathering up the tools and piling them back into the tool box.

"I'm assuming you've been here for some time." It hadn't been a question, so he didn't answer. She sighed, crossing her arms, but her face relaxed a bit. Garrus stood up, dusting off his pants, and they stood there for an awkward moment before he decided just to dive right in. It seemed pointless to pretend ignorance, given the situation.

"I didn't realize you and John were orphans." Jane cocked an eyebrow in exasperation at his bluntness, and his hand rose to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck. He kept picking up strange human mannerisms the more time he spent around them. She stared at him for a moment before answering, her arms crossed.

"We don't talk about it much. I'm sure you understand." Her voice was thoroughly unamused.

"Ah. Well, then I won't pry." Garrus knew it was the right thing to say, but damn did he hate having to say it. His curiosity was eating him alive. Jane gave him a measuring look before shrugging and relaxing a little.

"No, it's okay. I forced you to open up a bit about your dad not long ago, seems only fair to return the favor. But it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows."

"I guess it explains why you're not the biggest fan of cops." Garrus ventured, hoping a little humor might help lighten the mood. He was pleased to see her smile at that.

"They weren't always gentle with a bunch of street rats, no." Though a tad sardonic, the curl of her lips was enough that he felt brave enough to venture further.

"How did you end up on the streets when you were that young? How did you guys survive? Is that common on Earth?" He knew parts of Earth were pretty overpopulated still, even given their rigorous colonization efforts, but it seemed a grave oversight that children so young could end up fending for themselves on the streets. Such things were nearly unheard of on Palavan, clans always stepped in to care for their orphans.

With a sigh, Jane ran a hand through her hair again, and Garrus tried not to let the way the fingers parted the fiery red strands distract him.

"Full of questions, huh?" She sighed again before continuing, "After humans started settling other colonies, there were a few minor epidemics brought back to Earth, foreign microorganisms or whatever. For the most part, they weren't major issues and were handled as they popped up. But some people, especially poor families, weren't lucky enough to have much access to medical care." Jane looked away, clearly uncomfortable talking about it. Garrus was about to change the topic when she continued, "John says our parents didn't suffer long. We were lucky, we didn't catch it, whatever it was."

"But didn't you have any other family that could take you in? Or some sort of government service to provide for you?"

"If we had extended family, we didn't know them. Earth was still so overpopulated, and we lived in the slums of one of the biggest, most overpacked cities on the planet. The foster system was over taxed, we just sort of- I don't know, fell through the cracks, I guess." She shrugged, and Garrus realized she probably didn't have too many memories from that young, anyway. "We ended up in a big communal home, but it was awful, apparently. Overrun with kids they couldn't feed or dress properly. Then there was some sort of incident with one of the orderlies, and John says that he just took me and left. No one came looking for us. I don't really remember any of that clearly."

"I'm so sorry. How did you guys survive?"

"Kids on the street weren't terribly uncommon, though they tried to sweep us under the rug as much as they could. Cops were bad news, but the biggest issue was the bigger kids." Jane walked over to one of the crates nearby and sat down, her legs splayed to the sides. She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her hands interlaced to support her chin.

"The older kids were a threat? How?" Garrus felt himself getting sucked into the story, and he leaned his weight back against the Mako, crossing his arms.

"Put kids in a desperate enough situation and you'd be surprised at the depths they'd sink to, just like any other person. If you were caught alone, they'd take whatever you'd managed to scrounge up and you were lucky if you made it out with only a few scrapes and bruises. John managed to keep a small group of us younger kids together. There was safety in numbers. Got us into a soup kitchen regularly enough to keep us fed. Like I said before, I owe him my life." Jane smiled, her eyes drifting back toward the elevator Shepard had left on a few minutes ago. Garrus felt himself smile, too.

"That sounds just like him. Always the leader, ever since he was a kid, apparently." They were silent for a moment before Garrus remembered another thing they'd mentioned before. "So what did all of that have to do with the Reds? Aren't they some small-time xenophobe gang on the Citadel?" To his surprise, Jane's cheeks flushed pink and she sat up in surprise.

"You know about the Tenth Street Reds?" There was a hint of hesitancy in her words.

"Not much, but I know they've been trying to get a foothold on the Citadel and that they started out on Earth. They don't like non-humans much, from what I hear."

"Huh. Well, most of that is pretty new. When John and I ran with them, they were just some small-time street gang." Garrus's mouth dropped open, his mandibles going slack as his eye's widened.

"You mean to tell me that you and Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, were in a gang?" He couldn't keep the incredulousness out of his voice, let alone his subvocals. After a moment, he chuckled, regaining his composure. "I mean, you, I guess I can believe that. You have a bit of a lone wolf bad girl vibe going," Jane's bark of laughter echoed in the room, "But Shepard? He's so… he's-" Garrus struggled for the word that seemed on the tip of his tongue.

"Such a boy scout?"

"Exactly! I just can't see it."

"Yeah, it definitely wasn't ideal, it really chafed him the wrong way. He generally refused to be involved in anything too bad, stuck mostly to just internal stuff. He helped a lot with organization. He pissed a lot of people off with his virtues, but he was good at what he did, so they didn't fight him on it too bad."

"How did you guys even fall in with them in the first place?" Jane shrugged at his question.

"You do what you have to survive. People aren't as gentle with teenagers as they are with little kids. The Reds offered protection, food, and a roof. Hard to pass that up when you're desperate." Garrus couldn't argue with that, even with his lack of even remotely related experience.

"Okay, so how about you? What did you do for the Reds?" At that question, she looked distinctly uncomfortable. She didn't answer at first, and Garrus was about to change to a different question when she finally opened her mouth.

"John thinks I was mostly a pick pocket, which isn't exactly untrue. He worked pretty hard to pressure them into keeping both of us out of too much trouble."

"But… I'm guessing he wasn't exactly successful at that?"

"No, he was for the most part. But then he enlisted." Once again, Garrus felt his eyes widen in surprise.

"What, he just left you?"

"Of course not! John isn't like that. It's a funny story, actually." Jane's smile returned, this time fond and reminiscent. "I picked the wrong pocket. I stuck my hand in War Hero Lieutenant David Anderson's coat pocket and nearly got my fingers broken for the trouble."

"Uh oh."

"Yeah, except he let me go. And I guess there was something about a half starved little punk that tugged his heart strings. He bought me lunch, got me talking. He convinced me to introduce him to my brother and he told us he thought we should enlist. It would get us off the street and working toward a better future. I thought it was a great idea, but John refused. He was 18 at the time, I was only 16. He didn't want to leave me alone, so he said he'd just wait the two years and we could enlist together."

"Is that not what happened?"

"No, we talked it over with Anderson, who said he thought he might be able to pull some strings, get me in the foster system and placed with a family. Guess he knew a guy who knew a guy or something. Anyway, I convinced John that that would work and finally he enlisted."

"So, you ended up with a family?" Garrus couldn't help the raised brow plate and disbelieving subvocals.

"Yes, actually. Not that it did me a lot of good. It was some older couple, and the first night there, the guy snuck into my room and tried fuck with me." Jane sneered at the memory and Garrus suddenly felt sick.

"What?! Tell me you broke his arm or something."

"No, but only just. I made a deal with them. I refused to stay with them, but we kept up appearances. They got their monthly check, John wouldn't worry about me, and I got the fuck out of there."

"So… You ended up back with the Reds?"

"Bingo. Like I said, it wasn't sunshine and rainbows, and without John there, the jobs got a little more brutal than picking pockets. I honestly don't want to talk about it." Garrus wasn't sure how he felt upon learning this, but upon seeing the rising discomfort and a hint of melancholy on her face, he decided to reserve judgment. Like she'd said, it's amazing what people will do to survive.

"Fair enough. So, then you enlisted when you came of age?"

"On my 18th birthday. I was waiting outside the office the moment they opened that day. Best damn day of my life. But I made sure that sick old bastard got his due." Jane laughed at that, though it had a bitter tinge. After a heartbeat, Garrus broke the silence.

"Sorry for making you talk about this."

"No, it's okay. I offered. We're friends, aren't we?" The bitterness left her smile as her eyes turned to him and he felt warmth in his chest at the words.

"Yeah, I suppose we are. That does mean you can call me Garrus, by the way." He joked with a tilt of his head. He hadn't really considered it till just now, but Jane didn't seem to refer to many people by their first names, while Shepard seemed to almost exclusively use first names with his crew.

"Fine, but I reserve the right to call you Officer when you piss me off." Jane's smile widened as she winked, which caused a strange, fluttery little swoop in Garrus' belly. "I suppose you should call me Jane, then. Seems like everyone else on this damn ship does." Her smile became slightly strained as she sighed, rubbing the back of her neck.

"I won't call you that if you don't like it."

"No, it's fine. I'm starting to get used to it. I haven't been called that by anyone but John in a long time, generally I'm the one being called Shepard. But everyone here seems reluctant to call me that, too, so I'm not surprised that everyone's picked up on John's usage of my first name."

"Well, then, if you don't mind, Jane it is." They chatted for a little while longer, enjoying each other's company before returning to work. They hadn't had much time to talk since she'd gotten out of the med bay, and it was a relief to see she was making a good recovery. He was enjoying his rivalry and friendship with the human woman, and the mission would be a lot less manageable without her. He felt like, especially after their conversation today, they were really starting to get to know each other. Maybe later he would share a little about his childhood in return, not that it would make for nearly as entertaining a conversation.

He crawled back under the Mako, settling back into his work, which seemed to fly by. His chest seemed looser, like it was easier to breathe than before, and concentration came easily now. Flicking on his music, he hummed along to "Fire in the Courtyard" from the Fleet and Flotilla OST, his fingers feeling lighter than they had in days.

(Note: I'm a fan of references to other series, books, movies, etc. Most, I think, are a little subtle, but this chapter has one that's probably a little blatant for any avid sci-fi book reader. Brownie points to anyone who figures it out! Or any of my other references throughout the series, honestly.)