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Loyalty and Limerence

Part 2

Chapter 7

Purgatory Maximum Security Prison, Present Day

Their footsteps echoed along the corridor ahead of them, the cool looks from the guards were the only other movement on this side of the glass. Garrus and Jane followed hot on Shepard's heels, the only two to be accompanying him for this mission, if it could be called that. It was, apparently, a simple pick up; Subject Zero was some sort of prisoner that Cerberus, evidently, had paid a great deal of money for and was to become a part of their team, should Shepard approve.

Garrus wasn't sure how he felt about fighting alongside a convicted felon, but he supposed that wasn't any more odd than the rest of the current team at this point. There was still a part of him that wondered if he was actually laying in a coma following his rocket-to-the-face incident and everything that had happened thereafter had been some sort of fever dream. It seemed to make about that much sense. Regardless, it all came down to trusting that Shepard knew what he was doing, Garrus could go along with that. Shepard was clearly better suited to command than himself, that was evident.

Honestly, though, he was just happy to have a chance to stretch his legs. He needed something to do, and anything was better than pacing the main battery, obsessing over Si- Well, he needed to get out of his own head for his own good. Nothing like a mission to shake things up.

It had felt good to finally open up to Jane and then to Shepard about everything that had happened on Omega, and Garrus thought he'd done a pretty good job remaining fairly calm and collected through the account. In fact, he was pretty proud of how civil he'd been with the crew in general since his confirmation of Sidonis' guilt. Deep down, he wanted to scream and rage and throw things, but on the outside, he was his usual, albeit slightly more sarcastic, self.

Except, perhaps, when it came to Jane. It had always been difficult to hide things from Jane, she always made him feel a bit more raw and exposed than anyone else he'd ever known. She knew how to push his buttons, and he was really trying not to let her. It generally resulted in a sparring match, where she wiped the floor with his ass a majority of the time.

Glancing through the window, Garrus wasn't sure how he felt about Purgatory. He looked over at Jane to see her casually stroking her sidearm, a glare firmly affixed to her highly unamused features. Ahead of them, Shepard's shoulders were held so stiffly that Garrus could almost imagine his expression of indignant outrage as they turned the corner to see a guard watching as another beat a prisoner in his cell. Garrus sneered in disgust.

"You don't even get good information that way." He muttered as they all came to a slow before stopping to watch the spectacle. "After a point, victims admit to anything to make the pain stop." Shepard grunted in acknowledgment as he came to stand beside the spectating guard. After a moment, the guard looked over at them.

"Is there something I can do for you?" The guard's voice was surprisingly civil, given what was going on just before them, which just seemed to make Shepard more irate, his voice snapping.

"There's no excuse for beating a prisoner who can't fight back." The guard just shrugged as he looked back into the cell.

"This is a massage in comparison to what his victims went through." The guard pointed by way of explanation, and beside him, Garrus could see Jane roll her eyes and scoff. He knew what was coming next, Shepard was going to do what he did best. He would appeal to their better natures, make them feel bad for their actions, and get them to leave the prisoner alone.

What happened instead seemed, to Garrus, even more shocking than seeing a prisoner abused. Shepard turned slowly to look at the guard, his eyes narrowing as his hand mirrored Jane's, resting lightly upon his sidearm.

"I wasn't asking." His words were cold steel, the implication clear as day and enough to send a shiver down Garrus' spine. The guard seemed to stiffen as the message was received, as did Jane.

"You're in a high-security facility, with guns and cameras everywhere," The guard turned his full attention to Shepard, taking a step forward, his voice incredulous, "and you're threatening me?"

"Those guns and cameras won't be fast enough to save you." Shepard growled before turning away, leaving everyone shocked.

"Is that right?" The guard seemed to consider them with fresh eyes, his gaze landing on their weapons and hard eyes. Despite their surprise surrounding Shepard's behavior, Jane and Garrus stood tall and ready behind him. Shepard turned his full body toward the guard, leaning forward into the man's face, his shoulders squared.

"I told you to stop." He hissed in a low, dangerous tone, and Garrus couldn't help but wonder for a moment if the entire world had gone insane. Was this, in fact, Shepard afterall? If he didn't know better, he'd have begun to worry. The guard seemed to come to a decision after a moment's hesitation.

"Call it off." He said hurriedly into his com, glancing back at Shepard for a second before adding, "At least for now." Before them, the guard in the cell relented, the prisoner panting and crying on the floor as he curled in on himself. No words were exchanged as they stood there, but after a moment, Garrus looked at Jane to see her staring at Shepard with a concerned, measuring look that must have been similar to the one he suspected had been on his own face. Silently, Shepard stepped around the guard and continued down the hall. Jane and Garrus exchanged a heavy look before following after.

"My apologies, Shepard. You're more valuable as a prisoner than a customer." The voice of Warden Kuril filtered into the room over the com system, and Garrus couldn't tell if he was surprised or not. Nothing was ever easy or simple when you tagged along with Shepard, it seemed. "Drop your weapons and proceed into this open cell. You will not be harmed." Garrus couldn't help but think about the prisoner they'd saved earlier and thought yeah right.

"Go to hell." Shepard snapped up at the camera, "Better yet, I'll send you there myself."

"Activate systems!" With that, the three of them darted into cover as the door opened and two armed mercs took up positions, weapons drawn.

"You've got to be kidding me." Garrus muttered from where he knelt, pulling out his rifle and looking up to see the Shepards arming themselves as well. "Should have expected something like this from a barefaced bastard…"

"Fucking hell, John. We had one job to do. Pick up the prisoner, bring them back to the Normandy. Quick in and out. But noooo, it's never that simple when you're around, is it." Jane growled as she rolled her eyes and ducked out of cover to fire off a few rounds of cover fire.

"It's not my fault! Well, maybe it kind of is. But that's not the point. If Miranda has to send another team in here to retrieve us, she's going to fucking murder me. And then she's going to yell at me for making her have to resurrect me again." Shepard bemoaned as he fired off a biotic shockwave, flinging one of the guards into the wall with a sickening crack.

"It is too soon to joke about that. Not funny, John." Jane snapped as she punched him hard in the arm, causing Shepard to wince and rub his shoulder, even through the armor.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Christ, Jane, that hurt."

"Oh, grow up, you big baby."

"Okay, okay, enough you two." Garrus rolled his eyes as he fended off an amused flick of his mandibles at the sibling exchange that so reminded him of his own sister. "While I know I'm pretty good, I'd rather you not leave all the work to me while you bicker." Two pairs of eyes leveled unamused stares at him, causing him to grin. Whatever part of him that worried about Shepard's authenticity evaporated as the two siblings rolled their eyes right back at him in unison.

It had been a few days since Subject Zero, also known as Jack, had joined their crew, and Garrus still wasn't entirely sure if it had been the correct decision. He decided to trust that Shepard knew what he was doing. But he couldn't lie, the strange, bald woman squatting below engineering made him a little nervous. Thus far, it had been easy to pretend she wasn't there, as she really hadn't shown her face much during the three days she'd been aboard.

"Wasn't there a stupid phrase I'm supposed to tell you when I don't have the card you want?" Garrus asked airly, fanning his cards out again to double check he didn't, in fact, have the card in question. Jane leveled a stare at him, clearly unimpressed as she put her cards down with a sigh.

"You know perfectly well what it is because it's the name of the goddamn game. Do you have any twos or not?" Garrus couldn't help but chuckle before telling her to 'go fish'. Jane drew her card in consternation before looking over to where Shepard sat, staring down at his own cards in consideration.

"Jane, got any sev-"

"Hey there, Jack. Was starting to think you weren't ever going to leave your hidey hole." Jane interrupted him, calling out across the mess hall. Her voice was carefully neutral, but there was a hint of an upward curl to the corner of her mouth that Garrus knew meant trouble.

Judging from Shepard's pained expression, he, too, remembered the rough start to the two women's relationship. It had been Jane who'd first caught up to the fleeing biotic aboard the burning prison station, and while it hadn't resulted in blood spilt, it had been a close call on both sides.

Garrus turned to see Jack standing in the kitchenette, a nervous looking Mess Sergeant Gardner lingering nearby, unsure of how to handle the explosive convict in his domain. Jack grabbed a water bottle and a food pack before slamming the fridge closed, a sneer on her face.

"We're playing a rousing game of 'Go Fish', why don't you come join us? We can deal you in." The words were friendly enough, but there was something beneath them that Garrus couldn't quite put his finger on. Whatever it was, Jack must have heard it, too.

"Fuck off, Princess. I don't have time to dick around with Cerberus lap dogs." She spat as she turned and stalked off toward the elevators again. This elicited an amused bark of laughter from the redhead, who put her cards down again and lounged back in her chair.

"Lap dogs? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Subject Zero, but now that you're part of the crew, you're just as much a Cerberus lackey as the rest of us." The reaction in Jack was instantaneous, and Garrus could hear Shepard let loose an exasperated sigh.

"Screw you!" Jack yelled as she strode up to Jane, looming over her where she sat. "You have a lot of nerve, talking to me." She added, her eyes narrowed as her fists flashed with bright blue biotics. Jane remained where she sat, a single unamused eyebrow lifted, her expression unimpressed.

"Jack-" Shepard's warning went completely unheaded.

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Princess. You sit there thinking you're so clever, but I could crush you like a fucking bug. You're too soft, I can tell just by looking at wouldn't have stood a chance if you'd been through what I had to go through, what Cerberus put me through. I bet you had a happy, cushy little childhood, huh?" Jack yelled, her voice full of venom, an accusatory finger in the other woman's face. Jane's eyes flashed, but she moved slowly, almost languidly as she got to her feet. She crossed her arms, leaning her weight to one side with evident indifference.

"Ah yes, I should have known that your overcompensation and attitude issues were that of a sad, scared little child, demanding to be noticed." Jane's voice dripped with unadulterated disdain, the comment aimed with precision, just like a shot from her rifle. The effect was immediate, Jack's eyes widening with outrage, her biotics raging to surround her. With a flick of her wrist, she sent Jane's abandoned chair flying against the wall with a crash, sending two scared crew members scurrying.

"Why you-"

"ENOUGH!" Shepard yelled as his fist smashed into the table before he was suddenly between the two, pushing them apart, his own biotics flaring up. "Jack, we do not use biotics against crewmates, do I make myself clear?" He snapped, turning to the tattooed woman. After a tense moment, the biotics around her dimmed and extinguished. "Thank you. Now, unless you need anything further from the mess, please return to Engineering until you've both calmed down."

"Fuck this shit." Jack muttered as she spun around and stomped toward the elevators, disappearing around the corner. Shepard took a deep breath before turning to face a self-satisfied looking Jane.

"And you-" Shepard started, jabbing an angry finger in her direction, causing her to shrug.

"What? I didn't do anything wrong." Garrus struggled to hide his smile as Shepard fought the roll his eyes desperately wanted to complete. "She started it! I was trying to be friendly."

"Bullshit. If that's your excuse for friendly, I really don't want to see what it looks like when you're trying to be an ass." Shepard muttered as he ran an exhausted hand over his close cropped hair. "I expect better from you, Jane. I'm trying to build a crew, a team, and you're making it impossible." Jane slumped a bit at that, the truth of the words landing.

"I'm sorry John. She's just-" Jane waved a hand in midair, looking for a particular word, "She's a bit much. Her buttons are so easy to push."

"Well, stop it. You're undermining me and making my job harder. I'm disappointed in you, our mission is more important than waving your goddamn dick around." The firmness Garrus remembered from so long ago was back in Shepard's voice, that of The Commander, their fearless leader. Jane must have heard it, too, because her eyes immediately dropped, chastised.

"Sorry, John." The silence that followed was long and uncomfortable.

"If you guys are done, can we finish our game?" Garrus leaned back in his chair, gesturing to the cards strewn across the table. "Picking fights with convicts isn't a good way to get out of losing at cards, I think flipping the table might be more effective. It's an old classic, afterall." Jane snorted as she picked up her chair, returning it to its original place before sitting.

"Whatever, Vakarian. Let's see you put your money where your mouth is." As they continued their game, Garrus couldn't help but think longingly of days long past aboard the original Normandy. The crew had been so close, a family. Sadly, he was having trouble, for some reason, envisioning the current 'team' as ever coming to feel that way. His team on Omega had felt like a family, somewhat. And now they were gone. Dead.

As the game continued, it became less and less effective at preventing the ideation that had begun to plague him more and more often. The obsessive, intrusive thoughts regarding a certain spirits-forsaken turian and what Garrus was going to do when he got hold of him.

It was sometime in the wee hours of the morning when Garrus finally gave up trying to sleep. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last time that sleep evaded him. It was becoming increasingly difficult to manage the feelings he wanted so desperately to avoid. Even when he did manage to sleep, his dreams were haunted by the faces of his dead team staring back at him, all demanding to know why Sidonis was allowed to walk free when they had paid the ultimate price.

Grunting, he rolled out of his bunk and padded to the door as quietly as he could. Walking out into the silent, slightly darkened hallway, he considered his options. Deciding against trying to work, he beelined for the elevator, feeling the urge to get his body moving, to lose himself in the rush of a good workout.

But as soon as he stepped out into the shuttle bay, he realized he wasn't alone. With a sudden jolt of pleasure and apprehension, he realized it had to be Jane, but then he heard the telltale sounds of two bodies sparring, and he furrowed his brow in confusion. Biting down a sudden stab of jealousy at the thought of Jane seeking out someone else to spar with, he came to a stop as the couple came into view.

All jealousy evaporated as he watched the two Shepards ducking and weaving as they exchanged blows, their satisfied smirks near mirrors of the other's. Garrus stood there and simply watched as the two evenly matched warriors duked it out, apparently oblivious to their new spectator.

"You've improved, Jane. I'm impressed." John chuckled as he danced back from a particularly close call, Jane's fist nearly making contact with his chin.

"Well, not all of us have cybernetic enhancements, but we do what we can." Jane shot back as she danced from foot to foot, her fists raised and ready for the Commander's next assault. He didn't disappoint her, closing the space between them with a vicious combo.

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"What, don't like your newly increased strength, stamina, and defenses?" She asked dryly, blocking one of his attacks and using the opportunity to land a hit. John reeled for a moment, shaking his head before bringing his fists back up.

"I thought I wasn't supposed to talk about me dying and all." His eyes were unamused, his voice dry and sarcastic. Jane's answering expression was long-suffering.

"You're allowed to talk about it, you're just not allowed to joke about it, you ass." They exchanged a few blows before she continued. "You haven't been yourself lately." Jane said so softly that Garrus nearly missed it, and suddenly he wondered if he should leave and let them have their privacy.

"Me? I've not been myself? It's all you who have changed. It was like a month or two ago when we were all aboard the Normandy SR1 together, for me at least. For you, it's been two years. Two years. You know what a shock it's been, waking up and realizing everyone is suddenly different?" Shepard sighed, pausing the wipe at the sweat gathering on his forehead. "And I remember dying. I don't even know how to start processing that." There was a pause before Jane responded quietly.

"I'm sorry, I can't even imagine what you're going through, John."

"Yeah, it's been a bit of a bumpy ride, alright." They stood there for a moment before dropping back into their stances, ready to continue. The siblings fell into a comfortable pattern of attack and retreat, defend and dodge. After a few minutes, Jane grinned her cheshire smile.

"You know what you need?" She asked, and John rolled his eyes.

"I swear to god, don't you dare suggest that I need to hit something. What does it look like I'm doing? I let you talk me into this." He dodged her next attack. "And, if I'm being honest, it's really not doing it for me. No offense, I just don't think violence is as soothing for me as it is for you." Jane scoffed at that, rolling her shoulder before attacking again.

"Hard to believe it, but that wasn't what I was going to suggest." She blocked his next attack before countering with an attack of her own. "What you need is to get laid." The statement was so unexpected that John stumbled backwards, sputtering in shocked incredulity.

"What? Jane! Seriously?!" Garrus felt his mandibles flutter in amusement at the slight pink flush to the Commander's cheeks, though he supposed that could have been from the exertion of their fight. John had always seemed a little oblivious, almost naive, when it came to romance.

"What? It's true. You're so wound up, you need to let loose some steam. That shit you pulled with those guards on Purgatory? The ones beating up that prisoner. That wasn't like you, you've been making me worry. You need a healthy outlet." The fight had come to a halt, and the two stood there facing each other in the middle of the mats.

"Can we not talk about my love life right now?" John grumbled and Jane snorted as she crossed her arms.

"Or lack thereof." She muttered under her breath, causing John to jam his fists onto his hips, his expression screaming his indignation.

"Oh, like you can talk!" Jane flushed pink as she scowled, her mouth open to retort when John waved a hand to interrupt her. "You know what? No, I don't want to talk about this, this is not a topic I want to discuss with my baby sister."

"I'm not that much younger than you anymore, John." Jane stated as she shifted her weight to one hip, a smile replacing her indignation of moments before. The statement seemed to surprise John, who cocked his head in confusion. "You were dead for two years, I wasn't. You might have been born before me, but we've experienced about the same amount of years being alive." John's mouth opened to reply, but he snapped it shut again, considering her words.

"Huh. Well. I guess that makes sense. Though, technically I think I was no longer clinically dead for a while before I woke up. We can ask Miranda for specifics, I guess. But damn, that's so…"

"Weird, right?" They both chuckled at that, and after a heartbeat, John took a step forward to place a hand upon her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. They stood like that, completely silent until Jane leaned forward to press her forehead against her brother's shoulder. "I missed you, John." She whispered, her smile melting to reveal a hint of the pain she'd harbored for two years.

"I know. I'm sorry I left you all alone. I'm glad you're not alone anymore." With that, they shifted forward into a tight hug, and Garrus silently turned back toward the elevator with a bittersweet smile on his face, deciding to give the two their privacy.

"I am going to find someone to hook you up with, though." Garrus pressed the holo button for the elevator, stifling a chuckle as Jane's voice echoed across the room.

"Shut up, Jane." Came John's tired but amused reply.

"Whoa, whoa, wait. What? You guys released that tank bred krogan we picked up on Korlus?" Garrus felt his eyes pop out of his head as stared down at Jane where she sat upon the med bay cot, the incredulity in his voice only heightened by his sub vocals.

"Grunt."

"What?"

"His name is Grunt. Or at least, that's what he named himself." Her tone was offhanded, as though the whole ordeal had been inconsequential.

"Oookay. That aside, what under the spirits possessed you both to open that tank and let it out? By yourselves, much less." It was hard to keep the frustration from peeking through into his voice, indignation rising up in his chest at an alarming rate. Jane raised an eyebrow in confusion at him.

"It's not that big of a deal, Garrus. We're fine. For the most part." She rolled her neck, wincing. "It's not the first time I've taken a charge from a krogan, though maybe the first time without armor. John got him off me pretty quickly, and I was armed. It was fine."

"That's… That's not the point!" He brought his head down to rub his eyes as he sighed, trying to keep his frustration in check. "Did EDI know what you guys were planning?"

"Well, she definitely wasn't pleased with the idea, and even I had some reservations. But you try saying 'no' to John, tell me how that works out for you." Jane shrugged as Dr. Chakwas came back over, handing her a small cup with a few pills for her to swallow. Taking the cup, Jane tossed them back with a small grimace before accepting a cup of water. "I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this, Garrus. We're fine, Grunt's joining the crew, it all worked out. End of story."

"It was incredibly dangerous! He could have been unstable, he could have killed you! Nearly did, from the looks of it!" He threw his arms out in indignation, gesturing to the med bay around them.

"Garrus, calm down. I'm fine, I've done and been through worse." Her tone was placating now, which only seemed to make the growing anger in his chest worse. His temper had been unpredictable the past few weeks since joining Shepard's crew. He tried so hard to keep it restrained, to keep a firm harness on it, but Jane always had a way of dragging his emotions out of him.

"It was reckless and-"

"Stop lecturing me." She said calmly but firmly, "Look. I get it, I understand the process of mourning people you care about. But you need to stop lashing out at me." Despite their even tone, the words were like a slap in the face, leaving him winded for a moment as his mandibles fell slack.

"I'm not-"

"Yes. You are." Jane jumped down off the cot, lifting a hand up to feel her tender neck. "I've been doing my best to let it go, but I'm getting sick of it." She turned and made for the door with a small thanks for the doctor. Garrus stalked after her as she stepped through the door into the empty corridor, his jaw tight. "Look, I understand what you're going through, I really do."

All of a sudden, he was standing back on the Presidium green at Shepard's memorial, except their roles were reversed, and he understood. I felt as though he could finally comprehend the rage Jane had thrown at him like a whirlwind.

"You understand? How can you possibly understand what I've gone through?!" Garrus spat, his eyes narrowing as he drew up to his full height. He stared down at her as she stopped, turning to face him. "My entire team is dead. I failed to keep a single one of them alive. Don't tell me you understand how that feels." Jane seemed to examine him for a moment, her eyes weighing and considering. A heartbeat later, she seemed to come to a decision, turning on the spot and continuing down the hall.

"Follow me." Was all she said before rounding the corner, leaving Garrus to growl in frustration, the anger in his chest demanding some sort of outlet. Smacking his fist into the wall, he took a deep breath before following after Jane, watching as she palmed open the port side observation deck.

As Garrus entered behind her, he watched from the door as she walked over to stand behind the small bar in the corner. When she noticed him standing in the doorway, she gestured to the open seat before her, then bent down to grab a colorful bottle. As he hesitantly came to sit before her, she began pouring the drink into a low glass before grabbing it and tossing it back with a wince and a quick shake of her head.

"What, exactly, are you doing?" The anger was starting to cool to be replaced by bemused confusion. She arched an eyebrow at the question as she immediately began pouring a second.

"I thought that much was obvious." She tossed back the second drink before putting down the bottle and reaching for one somewhat more recognizable to him. "I'm going to tell you about something that happened a while back, something which I don't talk about sober." She poured the blue drink out into another glass before pushing it toward him. Garrus looked down at it, raising a brow plate of his own in reply. "What? We're not on duty right now, it's fine." With that, he shrugged and tossed the drink back, savoring the burn.

"What's this about, Jane?" He asked as soon as he'd put his glass down, but once the question was out of his mouth, he vaguely remembered something Shepard had told him soon after he'd rejoined the crew. The silence dragged on for probably a full minute before she responded.

"Torfan." Was all she said, her eyes flicking up from the bottle in her hands to lock with his. The look in her eyes was leaden, as though just the word was enough to send her hurdling back to dark places within herself. After a moment, she looked back down and busied herself with pouring them both another drink. As she handed him his, he stared down at it as he wracked his brain for everything he knew about Torfan.

From what he remembered, it wasn't all that different from Omega, just on a much smaller scale. It was a small moon used as a base for some of the galaxy's less desirables, mostly criminals. The population was mostly batarians, and it had an extensive network of underground tunnels. There had been some sort of Alliance raid a while back after the Skyllian Blitz and-

Ah. The pieces started falling into place, the rest of what Shepard had told him making sense.

"It was my Omega, in a way." She stated after a moment before bringing her drink up to take a sip. "The situations were different, but the outcome wasn't. I was part of the raid, the retaliation for what the batarians tried to pull at Elysium. I was just a kid, barely 22 at the time." She sighed, taking another sip as she leaned back against the shelf behind her. "I didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. None of us did. It was a fucking blood bath. For both sides. We had to root them out of the underground strongholds, but they were deeply entrenched." Jane looked up, but seemed unable to meet his eyes, looking at everything and anything but him as she continued. Finally, she came around the bar and took a seat next to him, looking down at her drink again.

"Our commanding officer, Major Kyle, was killed pretty early on, and we splintered after that. I gathered up a handful of men and we fought our way through, room by room. It was complete chaos." She shuddered, clenching her eyes shut. She went quiet for a minute and he watched her chest rise and fall as she focused on breathing to calm herself. "I don't know how the Alliance managed it, it must have been sheer numbers, but we cleared them out. By the skin of our teeth. But my 'team', such as it was… Well-"

Jane took another deep breath before turning to look at him. He felt his heart thud in his chest at the pained expression on her face as their eyes locked. Even with her soft human features, it was as though he were looking in a mirror, the emotions etched across her face an exact match for those he had been laboring under the past few weeks. He opened his mouth to reply, but found no words that seemed worthy of being uttered.

"Garrus… I understand what you're going through. Those men and women, my teammates and friends, are dead because of the orders I gave, the decisions I made. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, and it weighs on me. Every. Single. Damn. Day." She tipped the glass back, swallowing what was left of her drink before clinking the glass back down onto the bar top. "The pain… It doesn't lessen, doesn't go away. You just get better at handling it. I was a mess after Torfan, they put me through a series of mental health evaluations, therapy, the whole nine yards. It's still hard to talk about, but in the end, you just have to mourn them and continue moving forward." Jane looked back to him, turning her stool slightly to face him. After a moment, he finally managed to work past the dryness in his mouth to reply.

"Jane… I-" He swallowed, "I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It was a long time ago." Despite the cold words, her expression seemed to echo the pain she was clearly still feeling. They shared a silence, neither easy nor awkward, until finally he tipped his drink back. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he placed his glass back down.

"How? How do I just pick up the pieces and keep moving forward? After everything…?" The words escaped him in a whisper, his voice cracking and his subvocals resonating with the deep, bone aching sadness he seemed to always be carrying these days. Her eyes softened, and then his whole body went still as his world imploded.

Jane leaned forward off her seat, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him close. Garrus froze, unsure at first what he should do. Hesitantly at first, he let his arms come up to snake around her, worried that if he moved too fast, the dream would pop like a bubble.

As his hands came to rest on her back, Garrus felt the soft and firm muscles beneath his fingers, shifting just beneath her shirt. She brought her head down to rest against his neck and he felt himself shudder, a shiver running down his spine as the bottom of his belly seemed to drop out. He felt the fine, soft tendrils of her hair tickle the sensitive skin along his neck and he let his head fall to rest against her shoulder.

"You just force yourself to take one step. Then another. And then another." Jane whispered, her voice low and soft, a gentleness there that he wasn't used to. After a moment, he shut his eyes and sighed, pulling her closer as his grip tightened. He felt her own arms tighten around him in response.

Garrus took a deep, calming breath in and was instantly assaulted by a smell so utterly Jane that his head nearly began spinning. Gun oil, something floral, and her base human smell that was all her own. Something in his chest seized, the heady smell of her causing him to rush back to those last few weeks aboard the Normandy SR1 when she'd filled his head so completely.

Without warning, she slowly pulled back, her hands still resting on his chest lightly. Her impossibly large, human eyes were heavily lidded as she looked up at him, and not for the first time he felt as though he might be drowning in them.

Jane's face was slightly flushed, and he couldn't stop the small, excited voice in the back of his head from wondering: Was it the alcohol, or was it… him? His heart was hammering in his ears, everything else being drowned out. Could he possibly be reading her correctly? Her lips were just barely parted as her eyes darted downwards slightly with a nervous, anticipatory energy before they jumped back to his eyes.

"Garrus," She started, her voice husky and hesitant, "I-"

The bubble popped as her com sprang to life, the harsh sound enough to stop Garrus' heart in his chest.

"Jane, can you come down to Engineering for a moment? They need help with something and I think you'd be the most qualified to assist." Shepard's voice called out from her omni-tool, causing Jane to stiffen as she began to pull back, her eyes going wide. After a moment, she looked down, a pained expression on her face.

"John, now really isn't the best time." Her reply was strained, her irritation at the summons evident.

"What do you mean?" Shepard's genuine confusion did little to stifle Garrus' vexation as Jane pulled away completely.

"Well, for starters, I'm not exactly sober." She turned back toward the bar, her voice dry and sardonic. As the words left her lips, Garrus froze, ice settling in his veins as the warmth from moments ago vanished as though it'd never been. For a split second there, he'd thought there had been a possibility that she felt… something akin to his own feelings for her. There'd been something between them in those moments, the air between them had felt electric, as though-

But no. She might not be slurring her words, but she was definitely under the influence. How much of what he was sensing from her were her feelings, and how much of it really was the alcohol? Would she be this open, this affectionate without it? Probably not.

"Jane, seriously?" Came Shepard's exasperated response.

"What do you mean by that? I'm not on duty at the moment, I can spend my time how I want. You made that clear when this mission started!"

"...Okay, fine, point taken. How drunk are you, exactly?" Shepard's disgruntled reply came, causing Jane to shrug, even though her brother couldn't see her.

"I mean, I wouldn't say I'm drunk drunk, but maybe like a little drunk? A teeny bit drunk. An Itty bitty bit drunk." Jane's voice jumped in pitch and wobbled a little as though unsure, causing Shepard to sigh bemusedly.

"Okay, fine. I'd still like your opinion on the matter, I'll just take whatever you say with a spoonful of salt. Maybe we can reevaluate tomorrow before we dock at the Citadel when we put in the part order." Jane glanced back at Garrus for a moment before groaning and turning toward the door.

"I'll be down in a moment." She muttered before closing her com and shutting off her omni tool's display. Standing from her stool, she dusted off her pants before turning back to Garrus. They stood there for a moment before she opened her mouth, only to close it again with a click, the expression on her face unreadable.

Instead, she raised a single hand to his chest, placing it there for a moment before making her way to the door. She paused before the door controls, turning back to him after a thoughtful moment.

"I know it doesn't feel like it right now, Garrus, but you're going to be okay. You'll make it through this, and we're here for you." She flashed him a smile before opening the door and leaving. The door shut behind her, leaving Garrus alone with his confused and muddled thoughts. Suddenly, despite her words, he felt so achingly, so dismally alone on the huge, sparkling, elegant ship. He wanted nothing more than to have her in his arms again.

With a growl that only slightly overwhelmed the sorrow in his subvocals, he reached for the bottle of dextro liquor again, sloshing it into his glass before draining it in a single gulp. He didn't want to think anymore.

1.5 Months Ago

As Jane read through the message from Liara, she felt rising dread clawing at her throat. So they honestly were trying to resurrect her brother? She didn't even know how to begin feeling about that. And this Doctor Steve Wilson…? Could he be the same Wilson she'd read about connected to this Lazarus Project?

She had to get a message to Miranda Lawson, somehow. Jane stood and darted for the door, hurrying down the hall to the communication office. She strode through the door, shutting off her hacking program and closing her omni tool, her determination evident in her hard expression, pace not slowing for a moment.

"What are you doing here? You can't be here!" The com tech yelled as he turned to face her, his surprise turning to fear as she hurried toward him. With a swift, gantleted backhand, she sent the man flying, landing hard on the ground with a crash. Jane spared him half a glance to insure he was out as she slid into his seat, her fingers flashing over the keys.

Gone were the precautions of the last few months, this time there was no time on her side. If, if they had truly managed to bring John back, then he was in danger. She had very little idea what the best plan of action was, but panic fought her for the control reins. Without concern for detection, it didn't take long to access the information she needed, confirming the Wilson she'd read in connection to the Lazarus Project was, in fact, the same Steve Wilson Liara had warned her about. Quickly, she was able to locate Lawson's contact information, and she was halfway through writing out a warning message when she ran into a wall.

Or a series of walls. Someone knew she was in the system, someone who was actively trying to shut her out. Jane didn't know who, it could have been a friend or a foe, as much as anyone in Cerberus was a friend, but at the moment it didn't matter. Someone was trying to get between her and protecting what was left of her brother.

Growling, she whipped out her omni tool again, pulling up one of her hacking programs and putting in a few commands before returning to the console before her.

With triumph, she managed to get the message sent to Lawson through a series of backdoors, but without any sort of receipt confirmation, to her frustration. Smashing her fist into the desk, she refused to leave John's fate, such as it was, up to chance.

Entering another few commands into her omni tool, she returned to the console before her with another goal in mind. Somewhere, the Lazarus Project had a station where her brother's remains, and whatever they had done to them, were located. If she could just figure out where the station was…

Glancing down at her omni tool, she could see that whoever was trying to shut her out was getting closer to locating her, despite her efforts to keep her point of entry undisclosed. She pulled up file after file, her eyes racing across the screen as she searched in a frenzy for the information she needed.

"Ah ha!" Jane stood up, nearly fist pumping as she found the location of the base. Lawson, or whoever was in charge of their security, had gone to great efforts to keep the location secret, but she'd found it. With soaring elation, she realized it wasn't far from the base she was currently stationed on. Running her omni tool over the console, she quickly copied over the coordinates before darting from the room.

Jane made it about two steps out the door before the alarm started going off. Cursing, she picked up her pace, making for the base's nearest shuttle port. Shouldering past confused looking scientists and guards, she beelined for the Kodiak Drop Shuttle, throwing herself through the door and landing hard in the pilot's seat.

She'd been so single mindedly focused on finding John and ensuring either he or his remains were okay, that she hadn't really considered if her actions might have been a little overboard. As she finally began to calm herself, the autopilot set for the Lazarus Research Station, doubt started setting in. Bringing her hands up to scrub her face in exhaustion, she hoped to god she wasn't overreacting. She'd probably just blown her cover, though technically her mission was nearly complete after she'd sent off her report regarding the purpose of the Lazarus Project. Either way, there was probably no going back after this.

All her worries and regrets vanished to be replaced with new ones the moment her shuttle docked at the research station as she was greeted by explosions, gunfire, and familiar far off sound of people screaming.