.

Loyalty and Limerence

Part 2

Chapter 11

The Normandy SR2

While their shore leave on the Citadel had gone a long way towards dissipating animosity and developing comradery amongst the crew, Garrus would have to say that it wasn't until after the events aboard the disabled Collector ship that they truly started to feel like a team. He wouldn't say they'd reached the closeness that he'd felt with the original Normandy's crew, but he was starting to feel as though they were making progress in that direction.

The day following their close escape from the Collector's trap found the ground team discussing the events over the remains of their dinner. The nine crew members that made up the team so far were more than a little contemplative after everything that had happened, the revelations giving them more than a little to think about.

"-I just figured that they would value our lives a little more, especially Shepard's, that's all." Jacob stated bitterly, leaning one forearm on the table before him as he took a big sigh. Miranda looked at him from where she stood against the wall, and Garrus was honestly surprised she was there at all. To him, it spoke volumes about the conflict that must be going on inside her head.

"I do admit it is a little shocking that the Illusive Man would invest so much in this mission, in Shepard, only to throw us blind into something like that. But I understand his reasoning." She muttered, her brow furrowed as she gazed hard at the floor. There was something about the hesitancy in her voice that left Garrus wondering whether she also agreed with his reasoning. He suspected not.

"You're just pissed he doesn't trust you as much as you thought he did." Jack sneered at her from where she leaned back in her chair. "I don't know why you're all so surprised. Cerberus sucks ass. Always has, always will."

"Yeah," Jane added a moment later, drawing eyes to her, "I'm with Jack." She said with a shrug, "I don't think any of us should have been surprised the Illusive Man would pull a stunt like that. I've seen enough of what Cerberus truly is to know they don't balk at moral gray areas." She shrugged before continuing, "We're just cogs in the machine to them, to him." Miranda's brows furrowed further, if possible, and she opened her mouth to retort. However, she paused and closed her mouth again, looking away, her expression frustrated and torn.

"I dunno about those Collectors, they give me the heebie jeebies." Zaeed spoke up from where he sat, leaning back slightly with one foot propped against the table, his arms crossed. "Never did like bugs very much. Felt good to squash a few of them." There were a few sounds of appreciation following his statement.

"I don't know what you're all complaining about." Grunt grumbled, smacking his fists together, "It was a good battle. We fought well and killed many of our enemies! We should all be proud of our victory!" His voice grew in volume as he continued, punctuating his final statement by smashing his fist against the table, causing the trays to rattle and getting more than one chuckle in response.

"I will admit," Kasumi chimed in softly, "It felt pretty good to sneak in there and steal that data right out from under them. It's not everyday someone knowingly invites you into their home and you still manage to steal the carpet out from under them." Even more people laughed at that, heads nodding in agreement.

"Illusive Man lied to us. Used us, yes." Mordin stated a moment later, his fingers brought up to his chin in contemplation, "Needed access to the Collector database." He added with a nod, his face considering before he concluded, "Necessary risk."

"Maybe." Garrus stated, his voice belying his disbelief, "But I'm with Shepard. It would have been nice to go into it with our eyes open." Just as people were beginning to nod and add their agreement, a series of soft pings echoed throughout the room. Looking down at his omni-tool, Garrus realized the Normandy must have come within range of another com buoy, enabling them to access the extranet and facilitating a data dump.

Throughout the room, and the entirety of the ship no doubt, heads bowed to read through new messages. Garrus began flicking through his own, one by one, until his heart stopped in his chest, his blood running cold with a familiar mix of anticipation and rage.

Sidonis. He'd been spotted on the Citadel in the company of a forger called 'Fade'. Garrus could work with that. He finally had him. Or just about…

"Garrus?" His head snapped up, his eyes locking with Jane, her expression concerned. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." At that, Garrus realized how ridgid he'd gone, and tried to force himself to relax. He took a deep breath before answering.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just… got a message I've been waiting for. If you'll excuse me…" With that, he pushed his chair back and stood, grabbing his tray before turning to leave. He didn't have to look to know her eyes followed him as he delivered his tray back to Mess Sergeant Gardner with a nod of thanks and quickly made his way back to the Main Battery.

As soon as he was alone, Garrus read through the message over and over, taking in every single detail until he had it memorized. He turned to the door and froze as he lifted his hand to activate the door's controls. His hand was shaking. Struggling to take a deep breath, Garrus realized he was nearly vibrating with anticipation and anxiety.

He was desperate to track down Sidonis, every breath the man took was an insult to the memories of ten good men and women. And every second that passed before Garrus could track him down was a second Sidonis had in order to disappear again.

Again, ten pairs of eyes seemed to bore into his back as he let his hand fall to his side. They deserved retribution. They deserved justice. Sidonis was going to die for what he'd done, for what they'd suffered.

Garrus forced himself to take deep breaths, forced himself to calm down. He needed to be cool and level headed, he needed his wits about him. Only with a steady hand could he grip the trigger that would give Sidonis his due.

Later, once he'd quieted the furor in his veins somewhat, he found Shepard in the Captain's Quarters finishing up some reports at his console. Further in the room, Jane sat cross legged in the middle of the plush bed, dozens of tiny plastic pieces arrayed around her. In her hands was a partially constructed model ship, her expression one of the utmost attention as she carefully pushed a piece into place. The tip of her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth ever so slightly, a few stray locks of her bangs dangling before her face.

Garrus tore his eyes away from her, instead focusing on the Commander. They both looked up and smiled as he entered the room, Shepard leaning back in his chair and turning in it to face him.

"Garrus! What's up? What can I do for you?" Garrus hesitated, his eyes leaping to Jane for a moment before returning to Shepard.

"I, er.. I've got something. I may need your help."

"Sure, how can I help?"

"You remember Sidonis? The one who betrayed my team? I've found a lead on him." Shepard sat up at that, his expression alert and interested. Jane made a small noise before throwing her legs over the side of the bed, coming to stand. "There's a specialist on the Citadel; name's Fade. He's an expert at helping people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him." Shepard leaned forward, steepling his fingers as he considered Garrus' words.

"What are you planning to do when you find him?" Shepard asked, and Garrus felt his face tighten as his mandibles flicked in closer to his face.

"You humans have a saying: 'An eye for an eye.' A life for a life." He could feel the steel slide into his voice as he continued, "He owes me ten lives, and I plan to collect."

"Where do we find Fade?" Jane asked suddenly, and his eyes snapped to her as she took the two steps up from the lower level. Garrus would have smiled at the glint in her eyes had he been in the mood to smile.

"I can arrange a meeting in a warehouse near the Neon Markets down on Zakera Ward." Garrus explained, his eyes returning to Shepard, his heart in his chest as he awaited his decision. Shepard took a moment to consider before responding.

"I assume you need to get to the Citadel as soon as possible then?"

"If that's possible, it would be best."

"Okay. We can make that happen. I have things I need to take care of there, anyway. I'll have them set a course, we can be there in a couple of days." Shepard said as he leaned back in his chair again, his expression thoughtful. Garrus felt his shoulders loosen as a weight seemed to shift off of them.

"Thanks, Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time."

"Is this something you want to do alone, or do you want backup?" Jane asked as she crossed her arms, leaning against the massive display case half full of model ships. Garrus hesitated before nodding.

"If you're both available, I could always use someone to watch my six." She smiled at that and Garrus would be lying if he said the sight didn't make something in his chest flip over.

"Of course Garrus. Anything you need. We're all that's left of the Normandy's original crew. We're practically family!" Shepard chuckled, causing Garrus to smile as well.

"Well, I mean… You and I kind of are family, John." Jane pointed out, grinning as Shepard leveled her with a deadpan stare.

"Thanks, guys." With that, Garrus turned and headed for the elevator, pressing the button to summon it. When it arrived, he stepped inside, but just before the door could close, Jane darted in after him.

"Hey, mind if I ride down with you?" Garrus raised a brow plate at her questioningly.

"Is Shepard okay with you leaving your model pieces strewn out over his bed?" He asked lightly, causing her to smile.

"Probably not, but honestly, he has a bad habit of falling asleep on the couch anyway. I think the bed is a little too soft for him." She rolled her eyes, the corner of her lips quirking upwards affectionately. "Regardless, there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?" Garrus asked, attempting to keep his voice neutral even as he felt his heart thud loudly in his chest, possibilities suddenly running wild in his head.

"Yeah, I actually have a little personal business to take care of on the Citadel as well. Something that I need to take care of before we head through the Omega 4 relay." Garrus blinked as he forced down his overactive imagination. He blamed his already brittle emotional state, honestly. "I was hoping that, after we handle everything with Sidonis, you might be willing to give me a hand with it." Jane proposed, her voice oddly hesitant as she looked up at him.

"Of course." Garrus replied instantly before asking, "Is Shepard going to be joining us as well? Or is this related to… Other things you've been up to?" Garrus glanced over to where he knew the elevator's camera resided, careful not to mention anything that would bring her under suspicion.

"Er, no. It's not related to any of that, actually. But it's still something I'd like to keep between us, if that's alright." She looked down, but not before he caught the furrowing of her eyebrows in a concerned frown.

"Is everything alright?" He asked carefully, his voice gently probing, and she looked back up, her expression softening slightly.

"Yeah, I think so. It's just some… old friends." Her lips twisted at the words as though tasting something rancid, "They've gotten in contact and I need to nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem."

"I see." Garrus responded slowly, his voice even, "Of course I'll give you a hand with anything you need. But I do think you should confide in your brother more than you do. He's worried about you." She shut her eyes, her expression pained.

"I know." Jane sighed, looking away as she crossed her arms. "I know."

Everything started out well enough once they reached the Citadel. They spoke with Bailey, threatened a volus, took out a few krogan. Throughout all of it, Garrus managed to hold on to most of the calm he had carefully constructed. He was attempting to approach the hunt for Sidonis as level headed as he could. He was simply taking out the trash, nothing more. It was a job that needed to be done, and he was the only one left to do it.

But underneath it all, he could feel the boiling, churning mess of emotions just beneath his plates. The rage was simmering within him and he was trying not to burst at the seams. As they began to close in on 'Fade', Harkin, Garrus felt as though the barrier holding it all back was becoming thinner and more ragged at the edges.

"I'm in no mood for his games." He spat as they looked through the window into the factory floor Harkin had escaped to. "If he doesn't cooperate, I'll beat him within an inch of his life." Garrus narrowed his eyes as he searched for any sign of the forger. Beside him, Jane shifted uncomfortably.

"You seem to be getting tense, Garrus." She murmured, concern thick in her voice. He could feel the ticking of time passing, itching under his plates like a disease.

"Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear." He growled, "If so, he knows why we're here and I don't want him tipping Sidonis off." After a moment, she nodded silently before turning to look out the window as well. It wasn't long until Garrus spotted movement toward the back of the room. They all ducked behind cover, drawing their weapons. "Did you see that?"

"I saw something." Shepard muttered before turning his eyes back to Garrus.

"He's getting ready for us." Garrus pointed out as he peeked back out the window carefully.

"What are you going to do to Harkin if he won't cooperate?" Shepard asked, a slight note of hesitation in his voice, as though he already suspected the answer. Garrus felt his expression harden.

"He's a real criminal now. Working for the Blue Suns. I should just shoot him on sight." He sighed, looking back up at Shepard from where he crouched, "But I need him alive, so I won't do any permanent damage. Just enough to loosen his tongue." Shepard sighed in response, and Garrus realized with a frown that the other man sounded disappointed.

"You don't need to hurt him to get what you want." Shepard pointed out carefully, almost placatingly, and Garrus tried his best not to feel ruffled by his statement.

"Don't worry, Harkin's a coward. He'll talk long before I can really hurt him." Shepard considered this before they began to discuss what could be waiting for them ahead, but before they stepped through the door, Jane grabbed Garrus' shoulder to stop him.

"Garrus, you still planning on killing Sidonis when we find him?" She asked in a low voice, her eyes narrowed as they peered up at him searchingly. He nodded curtly before responding.

"That's the plan." He looked away from her, unable to hold her intense gaze, "It will be quick and painless. Unlike everyone he betrayed, he'll be spared the agony of a slow death." The chill in his voice grew as he continued, his fist clenching in anger, "It's more than he deserves, but as long as he's dead, I'll be satisfied."

"Okay then, if we're going to keep moving forward, then you need to calm down and focus." His head pounded as his eyes snapped back to her, his subvocals snarling as he glared down at her.

"I am calm."

"No. You're not. You're being sloppy and you're making mistakes. It's not like you, and you're going to get yourself or one of us killed if you don't get your head in the game." She snapped, and they held each other's heated gaze for another moment before he turned and ripped his arm out of her grip. She was right, and in that moment, he hated her for it.

Regardless of her accurate critique, Garrus found it impossible to control the pulsing of his blood and the red in his vision as they approached Harkin. When his fist collided with Harkin's face, the release of tension was nearly euphoric. As he smashed the other man into the wall, he could hear his own heart hammering in his ears as he forced himself to keep his rage in check.

"So, Fade… Couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?"

"Come on, Garrus. We can work this out. Whaddaya need?" Harkin asked, his voice dripping with obsequiousness, and Garrus couldn't stop the sneer from spreading across his face. He shoved Harkin back against the wall before stepping away. When he did reply, he almost didn't recognize the harsh rasp of a voice that escaped him.

"I'm looking for someone."

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants." Fury coursed through him at the other man's words, and in a flash Garrus turned and bore down upon Harkin. With a quick jab of Garrus' knee, the human fell to the ground, clenching at the juncture between his legs as he cried out in agony. In an instant, Jane was beside him, a restraining hand on his arm, and Garrus felt the rage cool ever so slightly at her touch.

"We're not here to ask favors, Harkin." She stated plainly, disgust tingling the edges of her words as her eyes cut into the other human.

"You don't say…" He wheezed as he shakily got to his feet, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as his eyes wearily darted between each of them. At last, though, Garrus was starting to get the feeling that Harkin understood that they meant business. Though, as soon as Garrus brought up Sidonis, he could see the other man's back go up.

"I know who he is, and I'm not telling you squat." Harkin spat acidly, a hint of backbone beginning to show through.

"Harkin," Shepard sighed as he stepped forward, gesturing to the other man as though offering him an escape, "This doesn't have to be hard."

"Screw you." Harkin growled in Shepard's face, causing Garrus' anger to spike, his mandibles tightening against his mouth plates. "I don't give out client information. It's bad for business-"

Before he could even finish the thought, Garrus felt his control snap like a rubber band under tension. Grabbing the smaller man around the neck, he smashed his head into the wall behind him, relishing the sharp crack that reverberated through the human's body. Without hesitating, he drew back just long enough to smash his fist into Harkin's stomach, feeling the air rush out of his lungs before he fell to the ground like a rag doll.

"You know what's also bad for business?" Garrus could hear his own voice emanating from his mouth, and yet he seemed to be tunnel visioning. It was as if he was watching himself beating Harkin from a backseat, not unlike the dissociative episodes he still occasionally suffered from after the attack on the Normandy. It was a different Garrus who picked up his foot and placed it upon Harkin's neck, a different Garrus who began to lean his weight forward. "A broken neck." The words echoed through the tunnel, echoed in his ears from a distance.

"Alright, alright!" A voice bubbled up from the depths below where he floated, far off and tinny. The sounds of the room around him seemed to fade, everything narrowing down to the panicked eyes rolling in their sockets below him. "Get off me!" The voice seemed to grow fainter, further away as Garrus pressed down harder. But it wasn't Harkin under his foot anymore, but a turian… A familiar turian with Magna colony markings, one that had been a friend, until…

"Garrus." He was jerked backwards slightly and reality slammed back into him so suddenly that the world seemed to spin. His eyes widened slightly and he felt two hands, one on each of his arms, and he knew both Shepards had stepped forward to stop him. He caught a brief glimpse of the concern in Jane's eyes and he backed up and away from the groaning man on the floor in a daze.

"Terminus really changed you-" Harkin coughed, bringing a hand up to rub at his neck, "Huh, Garrus?" Garrus sneered down at him before responding.

"No, but Sidonis… Opened my eyes." Garrus nodded his head toward a nearby terminal before shifting away in disgust, whether in the other man or in himself, he couldn't tell. "Now arrange a meeting."

The sky car felt horribly cramped and uncomfortable as they made their way to the meeting location, but Garrus wasn't quite sure why. His plates seemed to itch with anticipation, his pulse thrumming in his ears as he looked out the window at the scenery passing by. Shepard was silent where he sat in the driver's seat, and Jane quietly tapped away at a display on her omni-tool. The silence dragged out through the car like a disease, stifling and cloying. Shepard glanced back at her before breaking the spell.

"What are you doing?" She glanced up momentarily before returning to her work.

"I'm having someone pick up Harkin, making sure he's in custody." She stated distractedly and Shepard looked back at her in confusion quickly before returning his focus to driving.

"Harkin's a bloody menace. We shouldn't have just let him go. He deserved to be punished." Garrus growled as he gazed out the window, feeling his brow plates draw down as his mood continued to deteriorate.

"He will be. Just not by us." Jane stated, the confidence in her voice doing little to assuage his frustration.

"He's not worth our time." Shepard added and Garrus sighed, tearing his eyes away from the window.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." He muttered, causing Jane to look up at him as she put away her omni-tool, her expression troubled.

"I'm getting a little worried about you, Garrus. You were pretty hard on Harkin." She murmured quietly, causing him to look at her sharply.

"You don't think he deserved it?" He snapped, causing her to snort with derision.

"I didn't say that. It's just not like you." As they continued to discuss what they both knew he had planned for Sidonis, Garrus was trapped between exasperation, frustration, and confusion as she continued to insist, for some reason, that he wasn't acting like himself.

She'd never seen him with his team on Omega, she didn't know what he was capable of, but she'd seen him kill plenty of people with her own eyes during their missions. Garrus was perfectly capable of aiming and pulling the trigger, and he'd done so plenty of times in the name of justice. How had she gotten it into her head that any of this was somehow different?

What was it that she saw in him that made her think that this wasn't who he was?

"-but do you really want to kill him?" She finally asked, her eyes drilling up into him in a way that made it hard to keep her gaze.

"It's not too late." Shepard added as he landed the sky car gently before turning to look back at them, "You don't have to go through with this. Why don't you let me talk to him?" Garrus wanted to scream that they just didn't understand, neither of them did. They'd never been betrayed by someone they'd considered a friend, they'd never experienced something like this. They'd never had to live with this rage bubbling under his plates for weeks, the intrusive thoughts pushing into his every waking moment, haunting him every night. Forcing it down, he reminded himself that they were both there because they cared about him. He leaned his head back, taking a deep breath.

"Talk all you want, but it won't change my mind. I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us." He realized that the level of his voice was slowly rising, the heat in his words intensifying, and tried his best to modulate them. "He deserves to die." He growled, "Why should he go on living when ten good men lie in unmarked graves?" Shepard opened his mouth to reply, but Garrus looked away as he cut him off. "I'm sorry, Shepard, but words aren't going to solve this problem.

"Garrus, we're not-"

"I need to set up." Garrus interjected, effectively cutting off the conversation. It wasn't long until he was situated in the catwalks above, watching through his scope as the two Shepards casually made their way down the strip.

There he was. Sitting on a bench, leaning forward to gaze down at his feet, was Lantar Sidonis. The bastard really was still alive, and until that moment he hadn't even realized there had been a speck of doubt of his guilt still within him. He growled, his finger tightening on his trigger.

Shepard stepped forward toward the sitting turian, who looked up at the approach. Getting to his feet, Sidonis came to stand before the two humans.

"You're in my shot. Move to the side." Garrus ordered, but instead of complying, Shepard turned to look at Jane, his expression questioning. Jane turned slightly to glance back at where Garrus was perched before looking back at her brother, giving the slightest shake of her head before shutting off her com. She said something to Shepard, who nodded in clear agreement before turning back to Sidonis.

Garrus could hear his own subvocals grating and he swore to himself that when this was all over, he was going to download a human lip reading program for his visor. He shouldn't have been surprised when Shepard refused to move aside. Cursing both of them, Garrus shifted to the side a little in hopes of catching a glimpse of the other turian.

But then Shepard got Sidonis talking. As he described the hellish existence he had been enduring the past few months, Garrus felt his hands holding his rifle grow heavier. His words felt eerily familiar, almost as though Sidonis had been describing his own experiences after the events in that apartment on Omega. He tried to steel himself, reminding himself that those men and women wouldn't be dead if not for the other turian's actions.

As Sidonis came to lean over a railing, gazing out at nothing, Garrus got his first good look at him, and something held his finger off the trigger. There was something about the other man's face, something different.

With a jolt that he felt all the way to his knees, Garrus realized that what he was seeing was recently healed scarring across Sidonis' face, disappearing down beneath his collar. While not as extensive or noticeable as Garrus', it was still shocking to notice, and it hadn't been there the last time he'd seen Sidonis. Evidence that he'd been beaten, brutally, by the gangs that had killed his team.

"You've got to let it go, Garrus. He's already paying for his crimes." Shepard said gently through the com, moving once again to block his view of Sidonis.

"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life…" Garrus muttered, but he could already feel his resolve beginning to dissolve.

"Look at him, Garrus. He's not alive… There's nothing left to kill." And with that, Shepard turned to look back at him, giving Garrus another chance to examine the other turian.

For weeks, when he'd thought of Sidonis, he'd seen him as the villain. He'd callously given up the lives of good men and women, an evil that had to be eradicated so that his team could finally rest.

But the man that stood before him wasn't the evil villain Garrus had envisioned him as. He was just a sad, scared, lonely man. He was a coward who had been broken, battered, and forced to flee like a pathetic varren with his tail between his legs.

"My men… They deserved better." Garrus growled, but he could already feel his hands lowering.

"Tell Garrus… I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right." Sidonis' words echoed through Shepard's com, and Garrus squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the last vestiges of his resolve shatter like shards of glass. He finally lowered his sniper rifle completely, feeling as though it were made of lead all of a sudden.

"Just… go." Garrus managed to utter, his voice nearly cracking, "Tell him to go."

"He's giving you a second chance Sidonis, don't waste it." He could hear Shepard saying, and even from where he was situated, Garrus could see Jane glance back in his direction.

"I'll try, Garrus. I'll make it up to you, somehow." Sidonis was replying, but all Garrus could focus on was the sick feeling of doubt that was clawing up his throat and the ten pairs of eyes staring at the back of his head, silent and judging. "Thank you. For talking to him." With that, the two men nodded to each other before turning to leave. Jane unfolded her arms where she'd been standing beside Shepard, taking a quick step forward toward Sidonis. She grabbed his arm to stop him and her other hand balled into a fist, whipping backwards.

And then she pushed Sidonis full in the face. Garrus felt his eyes go wide as his mouth popped open. Sidonis fell to the floor clutching his face, looking up at her with wide eyes as she loomed over him. Her com was still off, but Shepard had dashed forward to grab hold of her, pulling her back.

"-so fucking lucky that Garrus is so good!" He could hear her raised voice through Shepard's com, causing Garrus to freeze, "So, so much better than I am, and you deserve so much worse! But he's giving you a second chance, so don't you dare fuck it up! Do you hear me?!" Shepard managed to drag Jane backwards, away as Sidonis pulled himself to his feet.

Garrus watched as Shepard led his fuming sister away, Sidonis watching forlornly as the two humans left, still rubbing his face before turning to walk away. Garrus finally put away his rifle before gripping the catwalk's railing, his churning mess of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. They reared their heads, causing a plethora of sensations and thoughts, only to be replaced an instant later with more feelings before he could even register them. Anger, doubt, confusion, even gratitude…

Underneath it all, Garrus felt a deep, bone shattering sadness. It seemed to cut through him, leaving him feeling naked and vulnerable in a way he couldn't ever remember feeling before. It was as though all the grief he had been ignoring since the death of his teammates was being forcibly brought to the surface, as though he was being forced to acknowledge it for the first time. It felt horrible and raw and overwhelming.

By the time the Shepards finally got back to the sky car and returned to pick him up, Garrus wasn't sure how he was still functioning under the weight of it all.

"I know you want to talk about this… but I don't. Not yet." Garrus choked out, and even though he couldn't bring himself to look either of the other two in the eye, he saw Shepard open his mouth to reply.

"It's okay. We understand." Jane cut in, lifting an arm to stop her brother, who glanced at her before looking back to Garrus, nodding.

"Thanks, guys. For everything. I need some distance from his place. I need… I need a little time to sort myself out before I head back to the Normandy." They both exchanged a look before they nodded.

"You going to be okay?" Jane asked softly, and Garrus nodded, looking away.

"I think so."

As Garrus walked from district to district, neighborhood to neighborhood, he drifted in a fog, thoughts and impressions flitting through his mind and disappearing to be replaced by others in an instant. Holding onto particular notions seemed as impossible as holding onto a handful of water, just streaming through his fingers.

He wasn't entirely sure how long he'd been walking, it was often difficult to judge time on the wards, but he blinked as he suddenly realized where he was. Looking around, Garrus realized he'd wandered into his old precinct from his first days in C-Sec when he'd been nothing more than a beat cop. His wandering feet had led him down the familiar routes without realizing it.

Garrus finally found himself in front of the building his very first apartment had been in. He let his eyes wander upward. It wasn't a terribly tall building, well below the atmospheric cut off point, which had allowed residents to go out onto the roof.

He was halfway up the staircase before he could register his feet had begun moving. When he opened the door out onto the rooftop, he felt the nostalgia wash over him like a hot bath, the sight so comforting it almost hurt. Slowly, he walked up to the railing, gripping it as he looked up to see the ships slowly flying in toward the docking bays or going out toward the FTL jump zone. After a few minutes, Garrus let himself relax a little, leaning forward so that his forearms rested upon the railing.

His thoughts finally began to slow as the mindless spectating pushed thoughts from his mind. All that existed were the ships. Large and small, military and commercial, old and new, turian and human and-

He nearly jumped out of his plates when he noticed her beside him. At some point, Jane had come up to lean against the railing beside him, their armored arms a hair's breadth apart. Warmth washed over him at the realization and he registered a distant emotion that almost felt like gratitude until it was quickly overwhelmed by irritation.

The last thing he wanted to do at the moment was talk about what had happened earlier. But Jane had a bad habit of poking at a problem until you talked about it, she could never leave things alone. Even if she didn't press him to open up about everything, she would probably try offering sympathy or advice, and the thought of either made him feel sick, or possibly furious, he couldn't quite tell.

But the moment dragged on into minutes, and she remained silently focused on the ships overhead, and he finally let his attention drift back to them as well. Together they lost themselves in the lights, the movement, the noise, and the silence.

Minutes stretched out into some undefined amount of time, and when Garrus finally looked down again, he felt himself smile. He was happy she was there afterall. Maybe he hadn't wanted to be alone in the end. There was something about her silently offered companionship, the support, the lack of judgment.

"Thanks." He whispered after a moment, and he smiled softened as he felt her lean into him slightly, her head resting on his shoulder gently.

"Always."