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Loyalty and Limerence

Part 2

Chapter 12

The Normandy SR2

The hours ticked by as Garrus stared up at the bunk above him, unable to find sleep. The temporary bout of peace he'd managed to cobble together on the rooftop with Jane had helped get him through the following day, but by that evening it had faded, leaving him feeling empty and restless. He could hear the sounds of the sleeping crew members around him, and sitting up slightly, he could see a few bunks away where Jane lay, her back to him. She took the long, slow breaths of deep sleep, and Garrus laid back down with a sigh.

Finally, he swung his legs over the bed and sat up, leaning forward to rest his forearms upon his knees before standing and silently making his way to the door. His feet traversed the now familiar path to the Main Battery, but when he came to stand before the console, he couldn't muster the willpower to boot it up. He gripped either side of the surface before him, leaning forward and letting his head hang.

He'd let Sidonis go. After weeks and weeks of near obsessive contemplation, his resolve had shattered and he'd let the bastard go. He should be furious with himself, and yet… he wasn't. There was a part of him that would always hate Sidonis, but he couldn't even muster up the effort to feel angry at him anymore. It was as if the rage that had kept him afloat the past few weeks had melted away to be replaced by such a deep sadness that he didn't even know how to start sorting through it.

With resignation, he acknowledged that it was probably for the best. He wanted to curse Shepard, and yet the more time that passed, the more he found himself feeling grateful that the other man had talked him down. His men might not have gotten retribution, but he felt as though killing the other turian in cold blood would have been a step he couldn't have come back from, particularly after seeing his own misery reflected in him like a mirror.

And so Garrus had somehow found himself letting go of the need for revenge, and with it went a weight from his shoulders he hadn't even known he'd been carrying. Yet without that as his focus, he was being forced to handle all the other feelings he'd been pushing down and ignoring. He had ten good men and women to mourn and no excuse not to anymore. Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a shuddering breath, letting it go slowly.

The door whooshed open behind him, but he didn't move. He already knew who it was.

"Hey." Jane muttered, coming to stand beside him, her arms crossed as she stared out over the Normandy's giant weaponry before them. He didn't respond, but stood upright again, letting his arms fall to his side as he took in a deep breath. As he let it out, he could hear the pain reverberating in his subvocals, and suspected she could as well.

"I thought you were asleep." He finally muttered, turning to look at her as he leaned against the console.

"Figured you could use some company." Turning and heading toward the door, she stopped to glance back at him. "Come on. Let's head downstairs. I'm sure a little exercise will wear you out, might be easier to sleep then." With that, she opened the door, and Garrus sighed in amused exasperation. Both the Shepards had a way about them of just expecting people to defer and capitulate. Then again, they usually did, and so Garrus followed after her without complaint.

They rode the elevator in a comfortable silence, and Jane led the way to the sparring mats as she undid the zipper on her hoodie. With a casual flick of her wrist, she tossed it over one of the nearby work out machines, and Garrus felt his mouth go dry as he noticed that, besides her loose fitting sleep pants, all she wore beneath her hoodie was a matching black N7 sports bra. Her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, but locks had escaped it to frame her face long with her bangs. She grinned as she noticed him staring.

"What? Like what you see, Big Guy?" She purred as she lowered herself into a defensive position, a clear invitation.

"Two can play at that game." Garrus replied, pulling off his own sleep shirt and tossing it aside as well before joining her on the sparring mats. He was not disappointed to see her own eyes dip lower to examine him in turn.

As soon as they started, he could tell something was different. At first, Garrus figured it was the lack of heated frustration and anger that had seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his bones and had given everything a negative, sour hue. As the match continued, though, he realized that the heat that accompanied this match seemed to stem from something else entirely.

It was in the lingering brushes; blows that should have been aimed to hurt instead left shivers of anticipation. He nearly gasped as she dodged to the side of his attack, her fingers coming up to brush his side lightly. It almost seemed like a game of cat and mouse, and he wasn't sure who was the prey and who was the predator.

And it was in the lingering gazes; her eyes never seemed to leave his, the warmth and intensity in their depths enough to leave him feeling parched and short of breath. Lately, he'd felt stifled and awkward when it came to the strange tension between them, often stumbling over his own words and shifting his eyes away. But tonight he couldn't keep his eyes off her, holding her gaze with a heat and fervor all his own.

There was also something about Jane's body language that was different than usual. She usually moved with a bold confidence that challenged anyone who caught her eyes, a confidence born of years fighting in one way or another. But now she seemed to move with an understated fluidity that almost felt like more of a dance. Instead of her usual single minded battle for dominance and victory, she seemed content to give way and yield more often, leaving them on a much more even ground than usual.

Just as she attacked, Garrus dodged and darted forward, managing to grab and flip her so that she landed hard on her back. As she gasped with the impact, he pounced, pinning her down. But before he could demand she yield, he found himself completely distracted by the smooth expanse of skin across her stomach and waist. He was no longer holding her down, but she continued to lay there beneath him, her arms stretched out above her head. Her entire body seemed open to him in a way that nearly made him groan. Their eyes met and held for a moment that stole his breath before he tore himself away, apologizing and helping her up.

More than once they found themselves in similarly intimate moments and positions, and he decided she couldn't have any idea what she was doing to him. There were so many small things she was doing that he found his eyes drawn to, small shifts of her head to expose her neck, twists of her arms to expose her wrists. It was alluring body language he was used to seeing from a turian to signify attraction and interest, but there was no way humans would see it in the same light. It was driving him absolutely wild, particularly coming from Jane. Someone whom he…

Seeing an opening, he snatched her wrist as she attempted to dodge, using her momentum to spin her around and pin her against the bulkhead. The air rushed from her lungs as she hit it hard and he shuddered as the sound she made almost sounded like a moan. Before she could move, he grabbed her other wrist, pinning her as best he could.

"Yield." He growled, unable to prevent himself from leaning in closer as their eyes met yet again. They were so close that he could smell her, the familiar scent washing over him and causing his stomach to clench.

"Make me." Jane whispered, smirking as she leaned her head away to expose the soft, pale skin of her neck, still watching him closely out of the corner of her eyes. Garrus shivered, nearly groaning at the open gesture. His eyes drifted shut as he stepped in closer, nearly flush against her, leaning his head down until his face was a hair's breadth from her exposed neck. He desperately fought the desire to give in, to bring his face down to nuzzle against her, to let the tip of his tongue dart out to finally taste her. She couldn't possibly know the effect she had on him-

Wait a moment. Garrus froze and his eyes snapped open. Jane Shepard, who had spent months training amongst turians, who had slept with a turian in the past. She knew exactly what she was doing right now.

His mind seemed to implode as the implications washed over him, and in his panic he let go of her as though burned, stumbling backwards. He turned away, his eyes wide and his heart racing. Jane wanted him, she was interested in him, there was no way he could be misinterpreting it. He brought a hand up to his face in shock as his mind reeled at the realization.

After all that time, by some miracle…

"Jane, I-" He turned around to face her again, only to find her gone. Ice fell into his belly as he glanced around. Garrus realized she was nowhere to be found, even her hoodie was missing. His heart thudded painfully in his chest and he wondered if it had all been another dream, a hallucination. But then he heard the elevator door shut, and he spun around.

She'd run. Garrus' mouth popped open in surprise, the action so unlike her that he just gaped for a moment before wondering how under the Spirits he was supposed to handle this situation. Was he supposed to give her space? Was he supposed to follow after her? He had no idea how he was expected to react, was this some sort of odd human ritual? He thought desperately back to the research he'd done back on the SR1, to all the information Joker had forwarded him, but he was drawing a blank.

Garrus stood there and panicked for a moment longer before making up his mind. Not even stopping to grab his own shirt, he darted toward the elevator, ramming his hand into the holo controls to summon it. The wait for the doors to open seemed intolerable, agonizing, and he nearly screamed as the seconds dragged on. The doors finally opened and he hurried inside, panicking again as he considered the floors. Taking a chance, he hit the button for the crew deck, trying his best to be patient as the slow machine inched upwards.

Garrus eventually stepped out onto the crew deck before turning toward the port observation deck hesitantly. The door controls glowed green, which he supposed was a good sign. There was a chance she'd gone back to the crew quarters to find her bunk, but somehow he doubted it. Stepping forward, he palmed the door opened before taking a slow step inside.

Jane stood before the huge window, illuminated by the low light of the room and framed by the flickering stars beyond. She had one hand on her hip, the other raised wearily to run through her bangs, brushing them out of her face. Upon hearing him enter, she whipped around, her unzipped hoodie slipping down to expose one bare shoulder. Her mouth popped open in surprise, her eyes wide.

They stood like that, silently staring at each other as time trickled by. Garrus had no idea what to say to her, his heart stuck in his throat. She was so beautiful that his chest ached with it.

"Ahem." Someone coughed dryly, and they both spun to face Kasumi where she sat at the bar, a huge grin splitting her lips. "You were saying, Shep?" Jane seemed to stare at her in a daze for a moment before responding.

"Ah, um, would you mind… giving us a few minutes, Kasumi?" She asked, her voice oddly shaky as she turned back to eye Garrus, her expression guarded. At that, Kasumi jumped down from the stool she'd been sitting on before sauntering toward the door.

"Sure thing. You know what? I'm going to go make myself comfortable on the other observation deck. You guys take all the time you need to… sort this out." She gestured between the two of them before chuckling and exiting the room without a further word. As soon as they were alone, Garrus turned back to face Jane, steeling himself.

"Jane, I-"

"Garrus, I'm so sorry." Jane cut him off in a rush, bringing her hands up to scrub at her face in exhaustion, "I shouldn't have- I know you've been through so much recently, I shouldn't have put more on your plate. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, I thought I was reading you right, but I guess-" Garrus stepped forward, closing the distance between them as she spoke. "I should have given you more time after everything that happened before I tried to-" She cut off as she looked up to see Garrus standing just before her.

Reaching a tentative hand up, Garrus let his fingers brush gently through the fringe of hair framing her face. Her eyes went wide as he let the tips of his fingers trace down along her cheek before looping through a lock of hair from the loose ponytail draped over her shoulder. He felt like his blood was on fire, every nerve ending tingling with anticipation.

"It's even softer than I'd imagined." He murmured and a small smile bloomed across her cheeks as she flushed a soft pink. She brought a hand up to grab the elastic holding her hair and gave it a tug, pulling it out to let the locks flow loose around her shoulders. Garrus let his breath go with a sudden hitch, running his fingers through her hair, marveling at the silkiness. He'd spent an embarrassingly large amount of time over the past few years imagining what her hair felt like, and now that the moment was finally here, it almost felt like a dream.

And yet the way his pulse thrummed as he gazed down into her soft eyes and the feeling of her hand coming up to rest upon his chest let him know it was all too real. He could feel himself hold his breath as his other hand came up to pull her closer.

"I was thinking of cutting it again, actually. It's gotten long." She whispered and the sound sent a shiver down his spine. She tilted her head up toward him, and he couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face.

"I'm sure you'll be just beautiful no matter what length it is." Garrus stated and his heart sang as he felt the softness of her fingers coming up to brush along his uninjured mandible. She cupped his face gently and he could feel himself leaning into the gesture. Before he could stop himself, he was leaning down toward her and he felt his eyes flutter shut as his forehead came to rest against hers.

"You really are a smooth talker, aren't you." Jane chuckled, leaning into him as her hand drifted lower to trace down his neck, causing his stomach to tighten. "Before, I thought maybe I'd-" She gasped as Garrus' hand trailed up her side, small bumps breaking out across her skin. "-miscalculated, misinterpreted. You can be a little hard to read sometimes." Jane added, her voice becoming more breathy with each stroke of his fingers.

"Me?" Garrus asked, his voice low as he let his head fall to nuzzle at her neck, both his hands coming down to hold her hips, his thumbs pausing to caress the jut of her hip bones. She felt amazing, her skin so unbelievably soft, her muscles taut just below the surface. And she smelt absolutely heavenly, it was becoming addictive. "You're the one who's impossible to read, always hiding behind smirks and sarcasm. I had no idea that you-" He gasped as she turned her head and brought her lips to his mandible in a gentle kiss. "Spirits, Jane…"

Garrus brought his head up and she took his face in her hands, leaning forward to press a kiss to his mouth plates. His eyes widened as he realized what she'd done, he'd done too much research into human courtship and sexual customs to not recognize it. He wondered, panicking for a moment, how he was supposed to reciprocate without lips of his own, but then he felt her lips shift and the softness of her tongue darted out to taste the tip of his mandible and he groaned, grabbing her tighter.

Taking a chance, he let his mouth open slightly, nearly melting as he felt her tongue brush against his own. His knees felt weak, the simple intimacy of it causing something to flutter in his stomach. Jane's tongue retreated and she pulled away just enough to look up at him questioningly, and he answered by leaning forward to approximate a kiss of his own.

He could feel her smile against his mouth plates, and a moment later their tongues met again, this time at a more hurried pace, the heat between them growing steadily as their fingers explored, seeking out new areas to tease. The taste of her was intoxicating. She was far sweeter than he ever could have dreamt, and Garrus was starting to think it would be impossible to drink his fill of her.

He couldn't stop himself from groaning into their kiss as he felt her fingers come up to caress the space just below his crest, causing him to shudder as pleasure washed over him. It'd been so long since someone had touched him like that, and for it to be her… Surely this was all some sort of dream? This couldn't be real.

He let his hand venture upwards slowly, enjoying the shiver he felt from her as his talons grazed across her exposed skin lightly, until his fingers came to the edge of her sports bra. He hesitated a moment before letting them drift up further until he felt the swell of her in his palm. Tentatively, he applied a gentle pressure, unsure if he was doing it correctly.

Garrus was rewarded with a breathy moan, causing him to purr in delight, his subvocals vibrating with his need and desire.

But a moment later, he felt her small fingers play with the waistband of his sleep pants, and he froze, his eyes snapping open as something occurred to him, apprehension cooling his exhilaration.

"Jane-" He started, pulling back slightly, causing her to groan with frustration, blinking up at him with a dazed look.

"What? What's wrong?" She asked, her voice a mixture of impatience and apprehension.

"It's just," Garrus choked back a sudden bout of fluttering nerves and he chose his next words carefully, "I'm not looking for…" He coughed, feeling his neck flush as he looked away, "Not looking for, uhh, a one night thing." She chuckled and he looked back at her as he felt her arms come up to wrap around his neck.

"Shit, Garrus…" Jane muttered, pulling him closer as she reached up to brush the ghost of a kiss across the warm, softer skin at his throat, causing his breath to hitch. "After all this, I would be seriously disappointed if this was a one time thing…" she continued, her voice husky, and he groaned as she nipped at him gently.

"Jane, I'm serious." Garrus growled as he grabbed her shoulders. "I don't want this to be just about blowing off steam. Not with you." He swallowed, letting his eyes roam her face, desperate for her to understand, desperate for her not to pull away.

He'd never felt this way about another person, sex having always been a fairly casual thing in the past. Sure, he'd had other relationships, but they'd never lasted long, and he'd never felt this terrified to put himself out there. It felt like he was placing a part of his heart in her hands, begging her not to drop it. "I want something real with you, or not at all."

Jane's expression softened, a soft smile on her lips as her hands came up to cup his face, thumbs stroking lightly down his mandibles.

"I want that, too, Garrus." She whispered, her eyes crinkling as they sparkled. Her words reverberated through his head, taking a moment before they truly sank in. Something in his chest was expanding, becoming so uncomfortably tight that he almost couldn't breath. "I want to explore whatever this is between us." At that, he felt his mandibles widen in a small smile again as he pulled her closer, marveling at how she seemed to melt into his arms. She was so soft, so much more so than he'd expected, particularly given how hard she could hit.

They leaned in toward each other again, their foreheads meeting as he felt himself nearly vibrate with happiness he hadn't even thought himself capable of at this point in his life. The smile slowly dissipated as doubts started to seep back in. It all felt too good, too unbelievable to be real, after everything he'd seen.

"I just…" Garrus' voice cracked as he held her closer, shutting his eyes in hopes that she wouldn't vanish, "I've seen so many things go wrong, Jane. My work at C-Sec," He paused, sucking in a deep breath, "Everything that happened with Sidonis…" He opened his eyes, letting the breath go in relief when he saw her still there, drawing back an inch in order to look into her glittering, green eyes. "I want something to go right. Just once. Just…"

Jane leaned forward, brushing the tip of her nose against his before pulling away completely, leaving him feeling cold at her sudden absence. Her hand trailed down his arm, seeming to leave fire in her fingers' wake until her hand stopped, grasping his own. Her hoodie had slipped off both shoulders, pooling in the crook of her elbows and exposing the soft, pale skin of her shoulders in a way that made something in his abdomen tighten as he fought down the desire that welled up.

With a gentle tug, she led him further into the room so that they stood just before the large window, and as he gazed down at her, Garrus could swear he saw the stars reflected in her eyes as she smiled wistfully.

"I can't promise how things will work out," Jane breathed quietly as she looked down at their oddly interwoven fingers between them. "Not with this mission, with everything going on," Her other fingers came up to stroke the top of his hand gently, comfortingly, "But I can't think of a place I'd rather be than right here," She used both her hands to bring his hand up to her lips, giving it a feather light kiss, "With you."

Garrus felt his face soften at that, some of the tension leaving him as it started to sink in that this was truly happening. He brought his other hand up to tuck a lock of her hair behind one of her curious, rounded ears.

"I know you could find something a little closer to home." He offered her one last out, hoping desperately that she didn't want to take it. With that, she rolled her eyes, her smile becoming amused and exasperated. Releasing his hand, she pushed him backwards, causing him to tumble backwards with a yelp onto the couch he hadn't realized was there.

Jane took a slow step toward him, and suddenly he felt oddly nervous, as though he were prey being stalked. Her eyes narrowed as she smiled slyly down at him, her fingers carefully plucking the hoodie from her arms before tossing it aside to crumple to the floor behind her. In the blink of an eye, she was straddling his hips, and Garrus found his hands coming up automatically to clutch her.

"I don't want something closer to home." She gasped out as his hands slid up her side and back down again to rest upon the swell of her bottom. Her hands trailed up his neck before cupping the sides of his face, leaning her forehead against his again. They remained like that for what a second, or perhaps an eternity, before she pulled back a bit, her lips ghosting across his mouth plates as she whispered, "I want you."