.
Loyalty and Limerence
Part 2
Chapter 22
The Normandy SR2
*Thwack wack wack thwack*
*Chiinng chinnnggg*
*Wack thwack thwack*
*Chiinnng chinng ching*
Jane's fists flashed as they collided again and again with the punching bag, the rhythmic sound of gloved flesh smacking against padded leather interlaced with the jingling of the chain as she let the bag sway back and forth between assaults. Garrus could just barely make out the sounds from where he stood watching on the engineering deck, the sound faint as it struggled to penetrate the thick glass. Down below in the cargo bay, Jane was in a world of her own as she went toe to toe with the heavy punching bag, sweat dripping off her as she worked her body relentlessly.
It was amazing to watch her work every day to restore the strength she'd lost after the incident with Morinth. Even with her victory over Vasir, she'd worked doggedly to ensure she would be back in peak condition before their strike on the Collectors. Despite Shepard's assurances that he hadn't lost faith in her, Jane was determined not to let him down. It was inspiring to see her dedication.
*Thwack wack wack thwack thwack*
*Chiiiinng ching chinnng*
Her stance was firm and grounded, and yet she still seemed unbelievably light on her feet as she bore down on her imaginary foe, her sweat soaked hair bouncing with each hit. Garrus could see the taut muscles tighten and shift just under her skin as she moved. It was hypnotizing to watch her work, which was good because the last thing he wanted to do was think about what they were hurtling closer toward every moment.
"It is astounding to see how much she has recovered." Garrus jumped, turning to see the drell assassin, Thane, standing beside him. He had his hands clasped behind his back and his dark eyes were trained upon Jane down below. "She has come a long way in a short time, given the nature of her injuries." Garrus watched the other man for a moment, letting his startled heart rate settle.
"Jane is determined to contribute to the mission. She doesn't like sitting around." Garrus replied after a moment, settling on a neutral response. He could probably count the number of times he'd had one on one conversations with Thane on a single hand, and given his number of digits, that was saying something. They'd covered each other plenty of times in battle, but that didn't help much when it came to knowing how to interact with him. He seemed like something of an enigma, which made it difficult to let his guard down around the man.
"Of course. I would expect nothing less of a siha." Thane stated firmly, a hint of pride in his voice, and Garrus blinked. He waited a heartbeat to see if his translator would catch the word, but it remained untranslated.
"A… what?" He asked finally, and Thane turned to him with a small, odd smile. In a way, it almost seemed apologetic. As different as they were, drell and human expressions seemed similar sometimes.
"It is a word for…" Thane paused and cocked his head slightly, as if looking for the best way to explain the untranslatable term. "A word for one of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu."
"If it's a drell goddess, what does it have to do with Jane?" Garrus asked hesitantly, feeling his back stiffen slightly as Thane's gaze returned to the woman below, his expression softening with affection.
"A siha need not be only drell. The attributes of Arashu's warrior-angels can be found throughout the galaxy: Defenders of the weak, punishers of the wicked. Steadfast in their beliefs of what is right and wrong." He paused for a moment, then said, quietly, "I had never expected to meet two in my lifetime."
It had been a while since the last time Garrus had felt concern regarding Jane's friendship with Thane. Though he trusted Jane, and had come to think well of Thane, he suddenly found himself wary of the drell. There was no small amount of warmth in the other man's voice as he spoke of her. Garrus felt himself standing a little taller, and he shifted uncomfortably.
"I see what you are thinking, but you do not need to be concerned. I would never dream of coming between the two of you. Besides, that chapter of my life is closed. I have come to terms with my impending death. And when I cross the sea, I will be finally reunited with-" But he cut himself off then, and his eyes closed. He took a deep breath, as deep as one could take with his condition.
"Your wife?" Garrus asked hesitantly, feeling his tenseness begin to loosen. Thane opened his eyes and glanced at him before nodding solemnly. "Sorry," Garrus felt heat creep up his neck in embarrassment, "I shouldn't have-"
"No, you are welcome to ask. Irikah's memory should live on after I am gone." Thane's gaze seemed to travel inward, as though his mind was somewhere else entirely.
They fell into silence then and Garrus' eyes landed on Jane again. "You said you've met two sihas." He stated after a few moments. "Your wife, Irikah… Was she the first?" Thane nodded before looking back at him.
"Yes. It was because of her that I was able to awaken from my battle sleep." Garrus turned to look at him again, and Thane smiled as he continued, "I heard some of the story of your search for revenge. I am told that the Shepards stood between you and the person you intended to kill. I met my wife much the same way. She saw my targeting laser and stood between me and my target." He paused, then, "We are both lucky to have had such people in our lives."
"Huh." Garrus exhaled in surprise, considering. "I suppose we are." He couldn't help but smile. After a moment, Thane turned toward the elevator.
"If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion?" The drell turned to look at him over his shoulder, and Garrus nodded, waiting for him to continue, "The eve of battle approaches. I have made peace with my death, but even so, there are things I regret not having done, not having said when I had the chance." He turned away from Garrus, his voice heavy. "You have no delusions about what this mission might entail. To go into it without having first achieved peace in your soul would be a disservice to all your comrades, but to her in particular. I can tell you are not yet at rest, Vakarian. Achieve this before we go into battle, for only then will you be able to serve her- and yourself, best." And with that, he moved toward the button, stepping into the elevator as it opened.
Garrus stared for minute, his mind in shocked turmoil, processing what had been said. Eventually, he turned back toward the window, Thane's words still weighing on him heavily. He had had plenty of regrets in life. But if he had to stop and think about what he would regret most if he were to die beyond the Omega 4 Relay, the actual list would be somewhat short. His eyes fell upon the woman beating the living daylights out of the punching bag.
For one, Jane needed to know that he loved her, because if either of them died without her knowing that, he would never forgive himself.
After dinner, once he'd taken care of his duties for the day, Garrus took some time to do research. Humans seemed to have a number of thoughts regarding the concept of 'love', and it really shouldn't have come as a surprise that he couldn't get a clear cut answer regarding human culture and the transitions between stages in a relationship. Human culture seemed to have many more variations in general than turians had when it came to relationships.
From his experience watching human movies and TV shows, he got the picture that declarations of love were something of a big deal with a big romantic gesture required. And yet, what he found in human relationship advice columns seemed to contradict that.
Turians broke their relationships into fairly specific tiers. Just sleeping with someone wasn't considered a big deal, particularly when there were no strings attached. That happened regularly and no one really thought anything of it. When a couple decided to start dating, it was usually with the clear understanding that they would like to feel out whether or not they would like to consider becoming bondmates.
When they decided to seriously consider making that commitment to one another, the next step was to begin introducing them to their families. It was the first step toward bringing your possible future bondmate into the clan, and it was considered a very important step for many traditionalists. Once they had gotten to know each other's families and gotten their approval, couples were then clear to begin planning a bonding ceremony.
Humans seemed to have a similar tradition which they called a wedding, but from what he could tell, human 'marriage' seemed somewhat more ephemeral than a turian bond. While it was possible to legally break a bond, it wasn't nearly as common as it seemed to be for humans, and was generally seen as shameful for an entire family. Therefore, it made sense why the turian traditions leading up to bonding ceremonies were considered fairly important.
Garrus wanted to laugh as he imagined introducing Jane, a human Spectre, to his very traditional father as his intended bondmate. Something told him his father would be less than thrilled to welcome her into the clan even if she was the most deserving person he knew. It hardly mattered, though, because Jane shouldn't have to be subject to turian customs, and he wasn't a very good turian, anyway.
He sighed heavily. Thinking about his father inevitably ensured his mind drifted to his mother. He checked the time, mentally making the conversion to the local time in Cipritine on Palavan. It was late, but there was a chance his sister would still be up. He'd promised to keep in touch, and had managed to do a piss poor job of it the past few months. As they sped closer and closer to the Omega 4 Relay, he owed it to her to make an effort for what might be the last time if everything went wrong.
Pulling up his contacts list, he pinged Solana. A moment later, a chat box opened.
22:08: G: Hey, glad I caught you.
22:10: S: Just about to head to bed. Late my time. Where are you?
22:10: G: Come on, you know I can't tell you that. Not a secure channel.
22:12: S: Oh, please, Garrus. You don't have to be all secretive. Illium?
Garrus chuckled as he typed his response. She never would let things be, always had to have her nose in. It had always irritated him when they were kids, now it just made him smile.
22:12: G: Give it up, Sol.
22:13: S: You're one to talk. Still playing at Spectre, even after all these years.
Garrus rolled his eyes, but hoped she would drop the topic. There was no reason to beat around the bush, he knew what she really wanted to talk about, he knew what he needed to ask about. Even so, it was hard to type the words.
22:16: G: How's Mom?
22:16: S: Last round of treatments didn't go so well.
22:16: G: Damn it.
22:17: S: We may try an offworld center. Some salarian doctors have something that might work.
22:17: S: It's not covered, though.
22:18: G: Of course not.
Garrus sighed again, heartache for his mother beating painfully in his chest. He tried so desperately not to think about her and her illness, it was part of the reason he avoided contacting his family these days. That and the guilt, the embarrassment, the shame. There had to be something he could do though, something to help, something to be less of a disappointment. He racked his brain for ideas, but his account was laughably bare.
Realization dawned like a blow to the head. Archangel's accounts were not bare. He'd avoided thinking about the money he and his team had accumulated through their raids of the mercs and criminals. He refused to use it himself for personal gain and he'd tracked down what families he could find of his deceased teammates to disperse most of it. But a small portion remained, untouched. It wasn't much, but what if he could actually do some good with it?
22:19: G: I can pay for the treatments.
22:19: S: That's a nice thought. I could really use you here, though.
22:20: G: I can't. How much for the first round?
22:20: S: Forget it.
22:21: G: I can pay.
22:24: S: Sure you can. You lose your C-Sec job, and what about that contract job you were doing up until recently?
22:24: G: Yeah. It ended badly.
22:25: S: So don't give me more garbage about how you're going to help.
22:25: S: You obviously can't help or won't bother.
22:25: S: Damn it, you haven't even bothered to sync up for video chat since you lost that damn job.
22:26: S: If you're ashamed to look me in the eye, then why are we even talking?
22:26: S: Go have your fun doing merc work or screwing around or whatever. Just don't act like you care.
Old feelings of inadequacy and new feelings of shame inundated his chest, making it feel tight and constricted. Her words washed over him, line by line, making him feel cold and awful. Finally, he responded.
22:30: G: You're right, Sol. I'm sorry.
There was a pause, and Garrus shut his eyes. He shouldn't have shunted all this off on her, she didn't deserve it. And yet, he couldn't give her what she wanted. His place was here, following Shepard, alongside Jane, fighting the Reapers to the bitter end. That was the best thing he could do for his sister's well being in the end. It was just hard to remember that when faced with her current painful reality. When he opened his eyes, Solana had finally responded.
22:32: S: No, I'm sorry. Things are rough with Mom. The salarians are expensive as hell.
22:33: G: I wish I could help.
And of course, he was going to try and help, however little he could. But he didn't really know what else to say. He doubted there was anything he could say to comfort her at the moment.
22:35:G: I'm going on a trip. Might be away from the relays for a while.
22:35: S: Another pleasure cruise?
22:36:G: You know me.
22:38: S: Send me something nice.
22:38:G: I'll be in touch when I can.
Garrus closed the chat program and frowned in thought. Whatever Solana said, he was determined to do something, anything to help her, to help mom. His fingers raced over the keyboard as he began his research, and quickly discovered the name of the salarian group. Helos Medical Institute had recently begun a trial test for a new treatment for Corpalis Syndrome, but the fees really were astronomical for new patients. He could see why neither Solana nor their father could afford it. Hell, even the chunk he still had in his Archangel accounts wasn't enough. There had to be something…
It suddenly clicked, an idea forming when he saw mention of their association with the STG. Turning, Garrus left the main battery and made his way to the elevator, taking it up to the CIC. He tried not to notice the stark silence where there used to be a constant buzz and hum of conversation. He passed quickly into Mordin's lab, where the doctor was typing quickly into his console.
"Mordin, do you have a minute?" The older salarian looked up, eyeing him quizzically.
"Certainly. Reviewing Collector data. Running some last minute tests. Waiting on results. Good timing. How can I help?" He turned from the console, a small, curious smile on his face.
"What can you tell me about the Helos Medical Institute?" Garrus asked as he took a few steps further into the room, coming to stand near the table in the center, across from Mordin. The salarian's eyes narrowed as he brought a finger up to his lips in consideration.
"Helos… Ah! Yes. Medical research institute. Cutting edge research into numerous medical fields. Has occasionally worked alongside STG for a number of projects. Reputable. Trustworthy for quality research. Why do you ask?" Mordin asked, and Garrus shifted uncomfortably where he stood.
"I'm interested in one of their clinical trials, or rather, I'm interested in getting a family member into one of their trials. The fees are too much for us to afford, though." He looked away at that, trying not to think about the embarrassed flush creeping up his neck, "I was hoping you might be able to help me get a foot in the door with them. Maybe help get me in contact with someone there who might be able to help." Mordin seemed to think for a moment before he smiled and nodded.
"Of course. Believe I know just the person. Doctor Jelith Kieron. Very bright. Kind. Also, ambitious. Can use this. Will get a hold of my contacts in STG. See about working out deal with Helos. Remember they were looking to further study of Collectors. Will see about forwarding a tissue sample to… sweeten the pot." Mordin blinked at him, his smile widening. Garrus realized his mandibles were hanging limply, and quickly retracted them back against his face.
"You would do that? Mordin, thank you so much. I would be so grateful." He nearly stammered, completely unsure how to display his gratitude to the older salarian. Mordin shrugged, his face softening.
"Is no problem. Happy to help. Will apply pressure to reduce or remove study participation fees. Fees unethical. Duty to help circumvent." He stated smugly, but after a moment, his face gained a look of concern. "Hate to pry, but might be pertinent. Which is study of interest?" Garrus hesitated, looking away as he answered quietly.
"Corpalis Syndrome." Mordin's eyes opened wider, surprise evident.
"Ah. Corpalis Syndrome… Ugly disease. Effects only turians. Severe neurological degeneration over time. Patient slowly loses physical capabilities and mental faculties. Left a shell of their former self. Very rare. No known cure. Fatal." Mordin took an inhale, releasing it before adding, "My apologies and condolences."
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vicinity of the door followed by a sudden crash, and Garrus whipped around to see Jane staring at him wide eyed, shock on her face. He felt himself freeze as their eyes locked, her gaze boring into him as she quickly blanched.
"Ah, Jane. Good to see you." Mordin stated cheerfully, unaware of the anxiety seeming to grip the room's newest occupant. He turned to face Garrus, "Will let you know when I hear from contacts in the STG. Will also prepare Collector tissue sample to send during refueling before final relay jump."
Garrus tore his eyes away from Jane, who dropped to her knees and began picking up and repacking the tool box she'd dropped moments before with a curse.
"What? Oh. Thank you so much. I really appreciate the help." He stated hurriedly before darting forward to help Jane. Once everything was picked up, they stood, Jane seeming unable to meet his eyes again. "I'll, uh, see you later, Mordin."
"My pleasure. Will be here if you need me." Mordin turned back to his console, his fingers already dancing over the keys. Garrus turned back to Jane and gestured to the door, and they both quickly moved through into the empty CIC. Jane seemed to hesitate as she glanced at the elevator. He put his hand on her shoulder tentatively, causing her to look back at him with apprehension.
"Garrus, I-" She swallowed, her unease seeming to grow, "I didn't mean to overhear… What you were discussing with Mordin. You-" Jane cut herself off, looking up into his eyes. He was shocked to see the level of distress there, anxiety prickling up his spine, "Corpalis Syndrome. Why… Why didn't you tell me?" The question came out a hoarse whisper.
"What?" Garrus asked, confusion rising as he began to panic. He had, admittedly, not told her much about his family beyond a bit about his unhappy relationship with his father, but she was clearly upset now. Had he misstepped again somehow by not telling her about his mother and her illness? Was this another of those goddamn cultural barriers?
"Garrus," Jane continued, concern in her voice as she stepped forward, lifting a hand up to brush his bandaged mandible lightly, "Are you well enough for this mission? I don't want you putting yourself at further risk if you're not well, I can't-" She cut herself off as she took a step back, a hand coming up to run through her hair as she seemed to struggle for words.
Realization dawned, and Garrus reached up to grab her shoulder gently, causing her to look back up at him.
"I don't have Corpalis Syndrome, Jane." He whispered, "My mother does. You don't have to worry about me." Her eyes slowly widened as the words seemed to sink in, the anxiety disappearing from her face as her shoulders seemed to loosen. She quickly put down the toolbox, stepping forward with a sudden urgency and Garrus wrapped his arms around her as she pulled him close.
"I'm an idiot. I'm sorry, Garrus. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions after hearing only part of the conversation. I just panicked."
"It's okay, completely understandable. Sorry I've never told you about my mom, there just didn't seem a good time to bring it up. I try not to think about it, honestly." He sighed and she squeezed a little tighter.
"Also understandable. I'm so sorry about your mom." After a moment, she pulled away a little, her eyes downcast as she continued in a low voice, "Don't know if I have ever been so happy to have misunderstood, though." She let go of an amused huff before smiling, "Glad you're not actually dying." Garrus raised a brow plate at that.
"You do realize that pretty soon we're going to make a jump through a relay that no one has ever returned from, straight into the center of the galaxy, full of black holes, to fight the Collectors, who probably outnumber us ten to one. You do realize this, right? We haven't been calling this a 'suicide mission' for no reason."
"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed." Jane retorted dryly as she rolled her eyes. After a moment, her smile disappeared as she met his eyes, "I kind of assumed if we were going to die, it'd be in some sort of blaze of glory. Going down, guns blazing, taking as many of the enemy with us as we could." She took a deep breath, adding, "Losing you to a disease, that just wouldn't have felt fair, somehow." He remembered, then, her story of how their parents had died during an epidemic when they were little. Kicking himself, it suddenly made sense why she'd had as big a reaction as she'd had just before.
"Death rarely feels fair to those left behind, I think." He sighed again, lifting a hand up to stroke her cheek, and after a moment, she leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering closed. "Jane, I-" Garrus paused, unsure for a moment how best to word his thoughts, "This mission… The thought of surviving, but coming back without you…"
"I know." She stated quickly, taking another deep breath as she repeated it again, this time slower, as she released her exhale, "I know." Her eyes opened slowly, green and vibrant, beautiful, and suddenly the image came to mind of the verdant life that had caught the breezes coming in over the water of the beaches he'd loved as a child.
Do it now, a voice in the back of his mind whispered, You've been looking for the right time, the right place. It's now, here. Tell her.
"Honestly, I really don't want to talk about the mission." Jane muttered as she pulled back, and the three little words died on his tongue, his mouth snapping shut, "I've been trying desperately not to think about it, and we still have a day before we arrive." She reached down to pick up the toolbox, turning to him with a crooked smile, "Actually, that's why I came looking for you. I'm trying to keep myself busy and there's some repairs I need to get done down in engineering. I could use a second pair of hands, if you're looking for something to do." Garrus smiled back at her, attempting to keep the bittersweet feeling off his face.
"Sure, anything you need."
The trip down to engineering was quiet and companionable, but Garrus spent most of it kicking himself. He'd either managed to miss the perfect opportunity to tell her he loved her, or he'd wildly underestimated how difficult it was going to be. Possibly both.
"Sorry I cut you off earlier," Jane finally murmured as the door opened and she led the way out of the elevator, "I'm really trying not to dwell too much on what we're running into. But that was rude of me, before." They passed through the first set of doors, "What was it that you'd been about to say?" His heart seized in his chest, his mouth opening, but no words coming out.
The doors into engineering opened, and they both froze. The room was empty, all except for a single couple standing just below the drive core. Neither Shepard nor Tali seemed to notice them, their attention wholly focused upon each other as they stood close together, gazing into each other's eyes. Shepard clutched Tali's hands intimately in the small space between their bodies, quietly speaking to her as he smiled softly. Garrus wasn't sure if he'd ever seen such a tender expression on the Commander's face, and it made him want to smile, too.
Shepard released one of Tali's hands, his thumb coming up to carefully trace over the edge of one of the metal panels on the edge of her helmet, and she leaned into the touch even though she was incapable of feeling it. The scene was so similar to what had just played out minutes before between himself and Jane in the CIC that it made Garrus' breath hitch.
He heard a small noise beside him, and he glanced at Jane to see her with her free hand pressed against her mouth, her eyes wide. After a moment, she took her hand away, revealing a huge smile as she gestured for him to follow her. Slowly, quietly, they backed up, leaving the other two to their privacy in the drive core.
As soon as the door closed, Jane pumped her fist in the air. She quickly put her toolbox down before throwing her arms around Garrus' neck, causing him to stumble before he caught her.
"Whatever you said to him, thank you." Jane whispered, and Garrus relaxed into her embrace. "He needed a little happiness in his life."
In the end, it was Kasumi who spurred him into action. Or perhaps it was more accurate to say she dragged him, all but kicking and screaming. They were about ten hours away from the Omega 4 Relay when Kasumi cornered him in the empty mess hall.
"So," Garrus jumped as he pulled his head out of the fridge, "Big romantic gestures. Declarations of love… Tough stuff." He stiffened, closing the fridge with a snap as he whirled around to face her. Kasumi sat on the counter nearby, her foot twitching to a song only she could hear.
"Wh-what are you talking about?"
"Oh, just something a little birdy told me about." She grinned as she looked away, and he felt his mandibles flick with irritation.
"Honestly, I don't even want to know." Garrus grumbled, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms. There really was no such thing as privacy on the Normandy. After a moment, he deflated a little, "I don't even know where to start, all my research into human customs seemed to contradict itself."
"Welcome to humans. We don't make a whole lot of sense." She grumbled with a shrug. "Look," Kasumi leapt down from the counter, "Most of that crap you read online is bullshit. You don't have to make some sort of big gesture. You could just tell her. I don't know if this sort of thing is different for turians or something, but honestly, she probably already knows you love her. You're overthinking this."
Garrus felt his mandibles flick again as he looked away, embarrassment holding his tongue as he fumbled for how to respond.
"... Unless you're trying to propose to her. You're not trying to propose, are you?"
"Spirits, no, I-"
"Then you're definitely over thinking it. That said…" She trailed off as she grinned, "I think you should totally do a big romantic gesture for her." His eyes shot back to her in confusion and surprise.
"But you just said-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But we're about to throw ourselves into hell, you should do something nice for her." The silent words 'just in case' were unnecessary, but present nonetheless.
"Well, then what am I supposed to do, exactly? I read that chocolates and flowers are traditional romantic gifts for humans, but I can't really get my hands on those at the moment. We're going to be refueling before the final jump, but I don't think that will be enough time to find those, and I don't think Shepard planned on us taking any shore leave. And I wouldn't have much time to actually give them to her before the jump at that point, anyway." Garrus caught himself rambling, snapping his mouth shut as his hand came up to rub the back of his neck.
"All true. But there's no reason why you can't make those things for her here aboard the Normandy."
"Make…?" Kasumi gestured around them to the kitchenette, and Garrus' eyes popped. "Oh. Oh, no, definitely not. I'm fairly certain I could burn water, and I'm pretty sure Shepard would skin us alive if we set the Normandy on fire right before the big mission." Kasumi chuckled, but didn't push the matter.
"Okay, fair point."
"What am I supposed to do about flowers?" He ventured, and Kasumi grinned as she turned and started toward the port observation deck.
"I have an idea." She gestured for him to follow, and he did. With trepidation.
They were about four hours away when Garrus found Jane in the Normandy's cockpit. She sat on the ground, her toolbox open beside her as she fiddled with an open panel under one of the unused consoles.
"Oh good," Joker stated, relief in his voice as he registered Garrus' entrance, "Maybe you can convince her to go, she's driving me nuts." Jane twisted just enough to shoot a glare at Joker over her shoulder. EDI blinked at them from her pedestal on the other side of the cockpit.
"Jane has insisted on checking the calibrations of four different systems in the last two hours. I have attempted to reassure her that they are in perfect working order, but she does not appear to trust my judgment." EDI stated, the barest hint of affront in her voice, and Garrus nodded his head slowly as he began to understand.
"It's not that I don't trust you, EDI-" Jane started as she struggled to close a particularly hard to reach panel, but Joker cut her off.
"Just go sleep or something." Joker slumped in his chair, clearly exasperated, "I'm tired of you making up issues just so that you have something to do."
"I'm not-!"
"Ugggh." Joker turned back to face him, "Garrus, do something. I have plenty to worry about without adding whatever this hot mess is." He gestured over at Jane. There was an audible pop as the panel slotted back into its spot, and within moments, Jane was standing, dusting her pants off. She turned a cold glare in Joker's direction.
"Stuff it, fly boy." After a moment, the corner of her lips twisted up in a condescending smile, one eyebrow arching up in amusement. "Speaking of flies…" She looked down pointedly, and Joker's eyes shot downward as he brought a hand up to cover his crotch. Quickly realizing the bluff, Joker groaned and removed his hand, causing Jane to laugh as she took a step in Garrus' direction.
"Jane." He nodded at her, she gave him a lazy salute.
"Hey, Big Guy. Were you looking for me? Or were you just looking to bother Joker, too?"
"Oh, you know how much I love being a general nuisance." Garrus stated dryly, causing Joker to turn and shoot them a withering glare.
"Yeah, and you're both particularly good at it." He spat, and Jane laughed as she continued out of the cockpit, leaving the grumbling Joker behind her. Garrus caught up with her, but waited until they were out of earshot before venturing into conversation.
"So, did those panels need calibrating?"
"No, not really. I'm just trying to keep busy. EDI seems to have most systems in hand, though. It's pretty impressive. But I hate waiting before missions like this." She sighed, brushing the hair out of her face. Garrus took a deep breath, braced himself, and took her hand.
"Well, I have a little surprise for you, if you're interested." Jane slowed, glancing down at their oddly interwoven fingers before looking back up at him, a quizzical smile on her face.
"Of course I'm interested. Lead the way." Without another word, they entered the elevator, and Garrus hit the button for the crew deck. As the machine slowly made its way down, he couldn't stop the building anxiety and anticipation. Spirits, he hoped she didn't think it was stupid…
The door opened, and they came face to face with a very nervous looking Tali. She seemed to startle as she noticed them, as if her mind had been elsewhere.
"Hey, Tali. What are you up to?" Jane asked, and Tali glanced away, wringing her hands anxiously.
"Oh, uh, well, I had something I wanted to talk to Shepard about." She muttered quietly, seemingly unable to look either of them in the eye, "I was just heading upstairs to look for him." A knowing grin spread across Jane's face as her eyes narrowed.
"Ah. I see." She stepped out of the elevator, Garrus followed, and then gestured to Tali to head in. "Well, I'm sure you'll find him in his cabin," Jane stated airly as Tali hurried into the vacated elevator. "And you guys can… talk. Or whatever." She stated offhandedly. "Have fun!" She added cheerily as the doors began closing, waving to the clearly mortified quarian. Tali covered her faceplate with a hand as she looked away, muttering.
"Oh Keelah…" The doors closed between them, and Jane chuckled, mirth dancing in her eyes.
"For someone whose so happy about them getting together, you sure do seem to love torturing them." Garrus said as he turned and started for the port observation deck, and Jane followed.
"I'm his sister. It's my job to give him a hard time. And she's pretty much my little sister at this point." He just shook his head, coming to a stop before the door. Taking a deep breath, he turned to look at Jane, her grin slowly fading as she noticed his nerves. In the silence that slowly elongated between them, he suddenly realized his heart was hammering in his chest, resounding like cannons firing. He could feel the thrum of his pulse just beneath his plates, and he swallowed.
"I, uh…" He trailed off, adjusting the neck of his shirt as he suddenly felt far too warm, and Jane stepped closer, placing a hand lightly on his arm as she looked up at him.
"Hey, is something wrong?" She asked quietly, and Garrus felt a sudden calm wash over him as their eyes locked.
What was he so nervous about? This was Jane Shepard, his closest friend, the love of his life, a beauty that had, for some inexplicable reason, chosen him. And she had chosen him. Time and time again, she continued to choose to be with him. The past few months with her had been the best of his life, even with all the struggles and battles, ups and downs. She understood him like no one else ever had. He was more himself with her than anyone else in the world. She'd seen him for who he truly was, and yet still continued to choose him. He loved her, and deep down, he knew she loved him, too.
Garrus took another deep breath, shook his head, and smiled at her. Without another word, he palmed the door open and stepped out of the way, his eyes glued to Jane's face. Her eyes widened as her mouth popped open, letting loose a soft gasp.
She took a hesitant step into the room, her eyes on the small table Kasumi had helped him set up just before the large window looking out over the stars. On it were two place settings already laid out with rations he'd heated up. They weren't anything special, just their usual rations, but it was the best he could do. Beside each plate was a glass of wine, something they could both drink that he'd picked up on their last shore leave, and between the plates was a single, orange, glowing holocandle that Kasumi had helped him program. She'd also helped him pick out some old human music to play in the background, music she assured him was considered romantic. Jane took another step into the room, and Garrus followed her in, reaching for something special he'd stowed by the door.
"Garrus… What-" She turned, cutting herself off as turned to him, her eyes landing on the object in his hands. He held out the small, somewhat lopsided bouquet out to her, and she took it with a look of awe on her face. "Flowers?"
"Not really," He chuckled, bringing a finger up to brush against one of the small, paper blossoms, "Kasumi called it 'origami', I think? Some sort of old human artform. She gave me some paper and taught me how to make these, though I'm not sure I'm very good at it. Took me ages to get it right and make even these few. I hope you like them, I didn't really have a chance to do any shopping before we set out, so I threw together what I could with what I had. I hope you don't mind the wine, it's the best I could afford on a vigilante's salary."
He knew he was babbling, and forced himself to stop. Jane stared at him, seemingly unable to speak, then looked back down at the bouquet in her hands. She continued to say nothing, and he began to panic, "Look, I know I'm not really great at this romance thing, but I-"
"Garrus," She interrupted, looking back up at him and taking a small step closer, "I… I don't even know what to say. This is… Amazing." Jane looked over at the table before bringing her eyes back to him. "No one has ever done anything like this for me before. No one has ever given me flowers before, paper or otherwise. They're absolutely perfect." It was his turn to look surprised.
"Wait, really? You've never been given flowers before? I was under the impression from my research that that was a fairly common human custom." She raised an eyebrow at him in amusement.
"Well, I mean, I haven't really found myself in many situations that warranted flowers before. How does my brother put it again? I'm a little 'rough around the edges'." Jane stated somewhat self-deprecatingly, but continued before Garrus could protest, "I've never had a boyfriend who was a gentleman before."
"Well, you deserve so much more than this." He stated firmly, and she grinned at him, her cheeks flushed pink with pleasure. She turned and moved toward the table, setting the flowers down carefully beside the plate that clearly contained levo rations. Garrus followed just behind her, his mind screaming at him - do it, do it, just say it, tell her. This is it. The perfect moment.
His hand came up to brush her arm, and she glanced back at him. Turning to face him, she took a step closer, bringing her hands up to rest on his chest as she leaned in closer. Garrus opened his mouth, his heart beating in his throat, but froze as she spoke.
"I love you, Garrus Vakarian."
The words were spoken with a solemn joy and contentedness that made his pulse rush in his ears, a lightheaded feeling washing over him. He couldn't help but laugh as a smile spread across his face, and he brought his forehead down to brush against hers as he hummed happily.
"I love you, too, Jane Shepard." He replied quietly, and she leaned in to brush a kiss against his mouth plates. He kissed her back eagerly as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. When they finally were forced to break apart for air, their hearts beating firmly in their chests, he muttered, "Spirits, you're beautiful. Absolutely perfect."
"Flatterer." She placed a quick, sweet kiss on his mandible as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers venturing to lightly brush well known sensitive areas, caressing them lightly, teasingly. Growling even as he failed to subdue the grin on his face, Garrus felt his own hands beginning to wander. A talon found the zipper of her hoodie, tugging it down slowly, inch by inch.
Dinner lay forgotten as they lost themselves in gentle touches and muttered sweet nothings, affirmations both physical and verbal. The pace and desperation slowly escalated, and Garrus, finally tired of battling gravity, bent down to scoop Jane up into his arms.
"Whoa, hey now, put me down!" Jane laughed as she clung to him, but Garrus couldn't help himself. For a blissful few minutes, there was nothing else in the galaxy, just him and her. It was all he could do to prevent himself from spinning her around, so instead he hurried across the room and deposited her on the bed in the corner. She laughed as she landed with a small bounce, and he quickly joined her.
"So much for dinner." Garrus chuckled as her fingers found his shirt's fastenings, deftly undoing them.
"Is Kasumi going to mind lending us her bed?" She asked with a wolfish grin as she wrapped her legs around his waist, causing him to groan and finger her belt buckle.
"She gave me her blessing, and she's nabbed someone else's bed in the barracks." He muttered as Jane pulled him closer and left a trail of kisses down his neck. It was becoming harder to focus. "Kasumi was the one who, uh, helped me set all this up."
"I figured." Jane leveled him with a knowing smirk and he rolled his eyes, unable to hide his now ever-present smile. Her smile softened and she reached a hand up to brush against his mandible. "I really appreciate all of this. Thank you."
"Anything for you. You know that." Just like that, his mind snapped back to reality, and he was firmly reminded of what they were hurtling toward. It was like the room suddenly dropped a couple of degrees, and he shivered as he averted his eyes. Jane's hand came up to firmly return his gaze to her, her brows drawn in concern.
"What's wrong?" She asked, and he sighed, rolling to the side to lay beside her. His hand came up to rub his eyes in frustration.
"I'm sorry, it's just…" Garrus turned his head to look at her, and she rolled to face him, "I'm trying so hard not to think about what we're about to throw ourselves into. It's similar to the trip to Ilos, except so different. Last time was a race against time, but I don't think it was nearly as risky." He chuckled, shaking his head, "And I think it was easier back before I felt like I had something to lose." Their eyes met, and he swore he could feel himself drowning in an emerald sea.
"We've done everything we could to prepare. We're ready, and we're going to hit them with everything we've got. We just have to have faith that it will be enough." Garrus felt her grip his hand, bringing it up to rest against cheek. "We'll have each other's backs, just like usual. This isn't any different. We've done this a hundred times."
"I know. You're right." He took a deep breath, letting himself smile as he let his hand drift up to run through her hair gently. He pulled her closer, kissing her lightly before smiling, "Couldn't imagine facing this with anyone else at my back." He kissed her again, this time deeper and more fervently.
It might not be their last night together. But he was going to savor every moment of it, regardless. Just in case it was.
(Note: I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season! Thank you for all your support, I treasure every comment I receive. We're really coming down the home stretch, and I think Part 2 is due to finish posting in the first or second week of January. I can't believe how close we are, and how far we've come. Lots of excitement before us, folks! Super thanks to my wonderful beta reader, thelordofdarkreunion! See you all next week
Oh! And thanks to this story and the loving support from readers like you, I was able able to win NaNoWriMo on November 28th! Thank you for all your kind words of encouragement!)