The weather is finally sunny, sun stays up past 9pm and it is a chapter day. I hope the spring is treating you well. My another writing project/original work has gone well, but still have couple of chapters for All For Some waiting to release. Also by random luck managed to get within about 10 meters of president Zelensky himself, for about 1 or 2 seconds as the motorcade drove past.

As for this chapter, well lets just say its name does not refer to the third OFA wielder, though at some point some people theorized that third might have been this third. Izuku just needs a shoulder to lean on sometimes, or the whole back if he really gets emotional.

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comments:

S1XXT035: Well, last chapter you had no competition about being first to comment. At least you don't need to wait for this chapter anymore.

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Chapter 52: Third

Izuku only woke up as his shoulder was nudged and whoever did that was too stubborn to stop even after Izuku waved his hand and turned to the other side. Eventually Izuku gave up and opened his eyes. He had to protect them with his hand from the shine looking up at Eijiro's bright smile.

"Good morning! Congrats on sleeping without burning the bed."

"I am going to hear about that for a long time am I not."

"We aren't going to tell anyone who wasn't here," Eijiro said and smirked, "but Hitoshi said two to three years at least."

"So, until graduation," Izuku responded and looked around. "Where is everyone else?"

"Oh, they are already downstairs. You were so deep a sleep you slept through the rest of us getting up so we decided to make breakfast before waking you up."

"Oh, that's new," Izuku said as he got up to a sitting position. He glanced up at Eijiro who was still standing next to the bed and staring at him with a strange thoughtful look.

"Is everything okay?" Izuku asked. Eijiro tilted his head continuing to look at him.

"I… think I should ask that from you. Last night… I get you worry a lot about people, at least some people but that… What I am trying to say is, are you okay?"

Izuku closed his eyes as tears tried to leak out. He had not been asked that question enough by enough people.

"No," he responded honestly, "but it's been a long time since I was."

"Wh… Is that one of the things I shouldn't ask about."

"It… was."

Izuku pulled his legs against his chest resting his chin on his knees as he drew a shaky breath. Even with all the muscles he had built in more than a year of training he still had the uncanny ability to make himself seem tiny and fragile, especially in the soft pyjamas he got for everyone. No one that didn't already know him would have guessed they were one wrong move and about two seconds from a grave by being in the same room.

"Ei," he said, "sit down."

Eijiro took a few seconds to process Izuku's response, but eventually he sat on the edge of the bed without saying a word. Izuku inched closer without changing his position and turned to rest his back against Eijiro's. Things might be easier if he didn't need to worry about what his face was doing and as he leaned against Eijiro's bare back he was reminded how grateful he was for every single person that was comfortable with him withing an arm's reach. He took a long time gathering his thought enough to talk coherently.

"You know how people feel about my quirk, do you know how they think about quirkless people, especially in our generation?"

"Eh, not much. I've heard people say some pretty nasty things, but I've never had quirkless person in my class or anything."

"I had, me. My quirk only appeared when I was in the middle school. From the age of four till then people thought I was quirkless, and in lot of their eyes there is nothing more worthless. I've heard more than one people refer to quirkless people like apes or monkeys, something that fell behind in evolution. For kids that's an easy target and for schools someone that can be sacrificed if it means not causing trouble to someone with strong enough quirk to become a hero in their eyes."

"I…" Eijiro had difficulties finding words. "You are talking about Bakugo?"

"Would you believe we used to be friends as kid, at least to a point. Then I got diagnosed quirkless and things went down from there. I tried to hold onto what little friendships I had had, but he would rather torment me and use me to let off steam whenever he was annoyed at anything, which was most of the time. It's not like anyone would risk their star student's future as a hero to help a quirkless kid. With dad working abroad the only people who cared enough to even have a proper conversation with me in ten years were my mom and one single teacher. Somehow, I still wanted to help people and be a hero for the longest time. I dreamed about getting a quirk every day."

"But… you did," Eijiro said careful enough to show he understood it wasn't that simple.

"And it only made most things worse. My quirk first happened when Bakugo got even more physical than usual. Back then he didn't even need his quirk do beat me, easily, but of course it was all my fault when he lost it. He suffered no other consequences for what happened before or after. He didn't get as physical after that even after I made the mistake of returning his quirk. Thinking back that might have saved my live considering how strong and violent he got, but everything else …" Izuku paused for a moment.

"It was bad enough when everyone ignored me and focused on not getting between Bakugo and me. Now they all started avoiding me like the plague even moving their desks out of arm's reach. The teachers weren't any better, except for the one. My mother was almost all I had."

Tears started flowing down Izuku's cheeks.

"She always did her best to make my life as happy as it could be, distract me from school and my quirklesness by arranging whatever she could with just the two of us. She tried to make me think everything was good and fine, at least in the family, but I saw it. She smiled as much as she could but in truth she was carrying at least as much of the burden as I was. You could see it just by looking at her. Ever since I was declared quirkless she didn't worry or take care of herself much or spend time on things she would have enjoyed. I did my best to not burden her, to pretend things were better than they were, but it was never enough. Things never got better."

Izuku choked up a little and had to stop to take a few breaths.

"Even when I got in touch with dad more again during middle school, even though everything… wasn't okay between them she supported it, with some precautions. I thought maybe, maybe we could at least be a family. Maybe I could ignore the world if I had that. Then mom went out one day," Izuku paused.

"She was gone before I got home, really gone. A villain that had gotten away from All Might attacked her. Heroes showed up but when they couldn't instantly defeat the villain they didn't even try anymore, wouldn't take the risk to help her. They would rather show off to the media by carrying people who didn't really need saving all the while mom… All Might eventually showed up and defeated the villain but by then it was too late. She was already gone."

Tears now flowed on the bed as Izuku squeezed his feet closer becoming as small as he could while leaning against Eijiro's back, the only thing that kept him from collapsing right there. Izuku continued speaking his shaky voice got sharper with barely controlled cold rage.

"And he didn't care. He was more interested in posing for the cameras and sucking in the attention from his 'heroics' than actually checking if she was okay or doing anything to try to help her. All of the fake heroes there that day were more interested in staying safe and getting positive attention than saving her life, and they absolutely didn't care for anyone she left behind. I had to deal with some social worker and police officers that hadn't even been there. They were more concerned that I wasn't respectful enough to so called heroes than that my mother had just been murdered."

Izuku stared at the nearest wall for a few seconds.

"That was the last time I almost burned down the house and I wasn't even sleeping. The next day I left with dad and moved here."

Izuku could feel Eijiro's head move but the only sound he made was a gulp.

"Ei," I know Hitoshi and Tenya have taught you to not ask about things. You don't need to worry about that, not you, not anymore."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. That sounds horrible. I think I see why you don't usually want to talk about it. Are you sure…?"

"Yes, please," Izuku choked, "I need someone…"

Izuku let out a shuddering breath and looked up at the walls.

"People are always amazed at the house and how big it is, but… It's all just lot of cold walls and empty rooms with echoes. By the time I went to a new school I had the Dragon Blade and could hide my real quirk so things were a little easier, but this place, it never felt like coming home and the school felt like I was putting on an act all day every day. Here, there was nothing for me, except… Tenya was there. He would judge me, but only what I did, and he never surrendered to the group pressure about quirkless or villain quirks. Even then I couldn't let myself accept his approaches. He still didn't know my quirk and I feared he'd react the same as everyone else. We had the same walk home, but that was the closest I let him."

"Hard to believe."

"Is it?" Izuku asked. "You might have a hardening quirk, but I bet I'm the more stiff-necked of us, harder to approach certainly. Though Tenya might have been even more stubborn with me. Then our class went to an education fair and there was group of kids bullying another for his so-called villain quirk."

"Hitoshi?"

"Yes. Those bullies, the ones Hitoshi met at the festival, made something snap in me. It wasn't much different than I had experienced a million times. That I had tried to ignore almost as often, but there I was seeing it done to someone else. Could see his face when they called him a villain. I… It could have gotten ugly. I couldn't stand them. I wanted to…"

Izuku paused for a long moment.

"Both Tenya and Hitoshi found out about my quirk that day and they were both okay with it. It was… the first time. "

He sniffed.

"By then I had lost any interest on being a hero, but both of them wanted to be one so I helped them train. Hitoshi lived too far to meet after school so we trained on the weekends and stayed overnight here. When we did something changed. For few days, just one night a week this house didn't feel so cold. All this space wasn't useless anymore and when I got nightmares, I didn't wake up alone. Okay that sounds a bit childish, not very manly."

"No," Eijiro said and Izuku could feel him shaking his head. "It's manly you can talk about it, at least to some people. It would be bad if you couldn't."

"And that's why I started having different kind of nightmares."

"Huh? Izuku," Kirishima hesitated for a few seconds, "how, how many different nightmares you have?"

"A lot, but there are three major types. I used to mostly have them about my mom, that's the first kind that Tenya and Hitoshi helped me with, at least while they were here. I can sleep better in general during weekends. Then I had one where they died. In some ways it was even worse. Mom is… she is already dead. It hurts to think about, but I can't lose her again. I don't need to fear it after I wake up. They, you, are still around. When I wake up with that nightmare I can't relax until I make sure about that. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, I think, and we aren't going anywhere."

"I hope. I can't go back to how it was before. When we trained, I wasn't alone and didn't need to worry about being accepted. I didn't even want to become a hero, didn't know what I wanted beyond those weekends."

Izuku thought for a moment.

"Still don't, but they did. So I came to UA. At least I wouldn't need to be alone there. Then, right on the first day, you wanted to shake my hand even after hearing about my quirk and worst way possible at that."

Izuku brought his hand on his mouth as new sobs forced their way out. He struggled to breath for a moment. Eijiro shifted behind him.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"You have no idea how much that meant to me," Izuku sobbed If Bakugo and Ojiro hadn't been there, I don't know if I would have kept it together."

"Really, I didn't realize it was that big of a deal."

"It was. Most people get away from me as soon as they learn of my quirk. To hold my hand, for most people it is like the ultimate show of trust. You never even thought I might use my quirk any more than anyone else, just smiled and offered to shake hands, and you haven't changed since. That's, that's why I can tell you this, that and one other reason."

Izuku paused to hesitate.

"I said there are three things I have nightmares about. I… You already know about the people who attacked and tried to stab Toshi."

"The guy my quirk reminded him of?"

"Yeah, have I thanked you enough for helping Toshi with that yet?

"Dude, you thank or apologize to us so often I lost track of what you are apologising for at any given time and didn't you invite me for training because of that."

"Yeah, and you've done great job tossing Toshi around. It hurt his confidence, but I think he is making more progress than he realizes," Izuku paused for a moment. "Yesterday you said your body moved before you could think. It was really one of the most heroic things I've heard anyone say, well depending on what your body does."

"What do you mean?"

"Ei, if you saw Toshi, or anyone about to be stabbed, what would you do, especially if you moved without having time to think?

"Eh, get in between them to take the hit, maybe push or try to grab the attacker. Is that the right answer? I know it is just taking things head on like I usually do."

"Yes, in that situation it is completely fine, especially for you. It is a heroic thing to do whether you have time to think or not," Izuku said. "I went for the kill."

Izuku paused letting the words sink in.

"Kill?" Eijiro asked.

"Yeah, one moment I saw them from the distance, the next he was on the ground with broken chin, and I had almost cut his head off, and it wasn't my choice to spare him. If Toshi hadn't stopped me as fast as he did, I would have decapitated that guy. I already had Dragon Blade on his neck. Didn't even hesitate or have time to think."

There was complete silence.

"Ei, I'm a killer."

Izuku squeezed his feet against his torso even harder like he was afraid of doing something bad if he didn't hold himself down. When he said he was killer he didn't just mean his hypothetical ability to kill if things ever got to that, but he still couldn't tell the whole truth and that hurt his heart even more.

"I talk about what a real hero should be and how you should help people even if they don't want it, but deep inside, I'm a killer and I can't trust myself to control that side of me. Toshi and Tenya already know, and Tokoyami has some idea about the 'darkness within' or how he would put it. It's like I might snap at any time. Someone just needs to flick the wrong switch and I might not even stop to think before, well, killing someone."

"That's…" Eijiro ran out of words.

"I understand if you are disgusted. You can leave if you want, but…"

"No," Eijiro said. Izuku almost fell when the support of his back disappeared as Eijiro got up and turned to sit down in the middle of the bed now facing Izuku. "I mean I would be lying if I wasn't a little shocked, but I think I know you well enough that there is nothing to be disgusted about, especially after everything you just told me."

Izuku stared at Eijiro with fuzzy eyes now that they were facing each other for the first time during this talk. Eijiro gave Izuku the best comforting smile he could muster, and he was the master of smiles that could make Izuku feel better. If only it had been that simple.

"We just have to make sure no one flips that switch."

"Ei," Izuku whispered, "you are the switch."

"Eh?"

"Ei, I didn't go for the kill with that guy because he was a criminal committing a crime. I almost decapitated him because he threatened Toshi. I can't go back to how things were before him and Tenya… and you. Whether I like it or not I will kill to stop those nightmares from coming true, and that's what terrifies me. That's the third type of nightmare, sometimes, sometimes in those nightmares I'm the one responsible for their deaths. If I'm careless, if I can't control myself well enough, if I get surprised in the wrong mental state I might.. I m…"

Izuku's hold of his feet loosened as he looked at his increasingly shaky hands. For a moment other things around him became more distant as the rate of his breathing increased. He felt dizzy. The room, was it getting hot?

"Izuku?"

Two more hands entered his field of view. He jolted but remembered who it was. His defences shattered as Eijiro grabbed his hands firmly enough to stop them from shaking. Izuku's breathing gradually slowed down and looked up to face Eijiro. Slowly with several blinks the fuzzy mess got clearer as he could actually see the concerned face.

"Did that work? I didn't get burned but. Maybe I should have called Hitoshi or Tenya."

Izuku took a moment to calm his breath and heart.

"I wouldn't be telling you any of this if you needed to call them, I couldn't, but now you have to," for the first time the whole morning Izuku's eyes focused on Eijiro's in full eye contact more serious than at any moment before. "Ei, I've suspected it for some time, but after yesterday there is no doubt."

He drew deep breath.

"Before you asked if I'm okay. The truth is the only reason I even manage to pretend to be while not at home is because there are very few people that can help me keep it together, walk through my defences like they weren't there and drag me back to my senses if they have to."

They both looked at Eijiro's hands still holding onto Izuku's without getting burned or cut off.

"Seems you are one of them and that means…"

Izuku drew a shaky breath.

"I would kill for your sake."

They stared at each other in silence for a long time until Izuku averted his gaze and turned to the side of the bed to get up.

"I couldn't keep this stuff from you anymore knowing that. You deserve to know, need to know. I trust you to handle that information right and… to stop me if you have to."

Eijiro was quiet and let Izuku go as he stood up. It wasn't surprising with everything Izuku had just dumped on him.

"Also, I'm sorry, for dumping all this on you. It is asking a lot."

"Don't be," Eijiro finally spoke behind Izuku. "What was it Hitoshi said, don't hoard your worries. If things get too heavy, you shouldn't carry it alone. You don't need to be sorry about that. These shoulders can carry a lot. Dump all you can."

Izuku couldn't help smiling from that comment. At least they were very sturdy shoulders to lean on.

"Really," Eijiro continued as his voice moved closer, "sometimes it feels like you do nothing but worry or help the rest of us school, training, other… issues. You shouldn't worry about asking for help for yourself. We got your back."

At least for that moment he meant it literally. Him standing right behind Izuku it was like having tank armour strapped between knives of the world and Izuku's back. With him there, just for a moment Izuku didn't feel quite as much need to be vigilant.

There was a quiet thump in the corridor outside the room.

Izuku's head snapped up. His hands tensed. He stepped away from Eijiro and opened the door. There was nothing but distant steps from the stairs and the air was noticeably cool.

"Izuku?" Eijiro asked.

"Nothing. Maybe I'm a little tense. Give me a moment to clean up and I'll come down and… thank you."

Izuku went to the bathroom to wash the tears off his face only after few moments realizing he hadn't heard Eijiro leaving. A little later they walked downstairs together. The others had already settled around Izuku's large dining table with plentiful collection of breakfast foods. Izuku had stockpiled plenty of stuff for the weekend, but they had really raided his cabinets and gone all out with preparing the breakfast, especially all of Izuku's favourites it seemed and none of them had yet started eating. Izuku started wondering how late he had actually slept and feeling bad about taking so long.

Todoroki was the first to notice their approach but quickly turned his gaze. Now Izuku was sure who had been the spy behind the door. He wasn't sure how to feel about that or how much Todoroki had managed to hear. He had really let his guard down with Eijiro present to not have caught the eavesdropper.

Hitoshi was the next one to notice as Tenya was focused on his phone. There was a question in his eyes. Izuku didn't even dream about Hitoshi not noticing something had happened. There wasn't enough soap and water in all his bathrooms for that. Izuku put his hand over Eijiro's shoulder pulling him closer and as the redhead turned towards him surprised, Izuku held up three fingers on the hand on his opposite side. Hitoshi turned to elbow Tenya's side and he seemed to understand he sign too. Izuku and Eijiro took the seats opposite to them.

"Did you sleep well?" Hitoshi asked with rest of the question left quiet.

"I always do when it's brainwash-sleep, and your pick for my alarm clock wasn't bad either."

"What makes you think it was me?" Hitoshi said with his intentionally obvious fake innocent smile.

"There aren't that many evil masterminds in the house to plot against me."

"Whatever you say Midobro."

Izuku didn't even complain about the name. It made both Hitoshi and Eijiro smile and that made it a good thing in his (note)books. The little interaction had already done wonders to ease the pressure on his chest.

"Thank you," he whispered. "There is a new extra strong special brew expresso in the coffee cabinet behind the regular stuff."

There was such a glint in Hitoshi's eye as he got up that for a moment Izuku thought he was going to cry. Izuku almost did seeing Hitoshi's joy at the small gift. Tokoyami focused on his breakfast in silence while Dark Shadow extended to explore the cabinet with Hitoshi.

That left Izuku's current two problem children. He blinked. Why was he feeling like he was about to get a headache. It should have been impossible for him to get one with the regeneration, and why did he want to curl in a sleeping back until he absolutely had to do something? Izuku rubbed his forehead and looked around. Tenya was staring at his phone again. Izuku pushed his own emotional turmoil aside for the moment.

"Are there any news?"

"I'm not sure," Tenya muttered. "He is awake and messaging me, but he's being vague. I'm going to the hospital after breakfast."

Tenya paused and his eyebrows raised as he was looking at the screen.

"Izuku," he spoke, "can you come with me, to the hospital?"

"Yes," Izuku said without hesitation. "Is there a reason?"

"I'm not sure. Tensei asked for it. For some reason he wants to meet you now."

So Ingenium wanted to meet him. Izuku felt he should have been worried, but he wasn't going to even consider denying Tenya's request.

"I'll call the car for us."

"Umh," Todoroki muttered and fell quiet until Izuku turned to look at him. "Which hospital are you going to?"

"Hosu," Tenya responded after few seconds.

"I see, it is in Tokyo right? Can you also give me a ride to Fujiya hospital?"

"Fujiya?" Izuku asked, "Sure, why?"

Todoroki looked away.

"That is where my mother is," Todoroki brought a hand to the burnt side of his face. "I think, when I was kid, I let her carry all of the burden and she tried to carry mine even against Endeavour. I didn't even try to keep the burden from her or help her. Eventually she just couldn't. I haven't even visited her in years. What if tomorrow I can't?"

If Izuku had felt anything negative about Todoroki listening in, it was gone now.

"Do you want to go while we see Tenya's brother or would you rather have someone with you."

"I… I think I need to go alone for this."

"Okay, we leave after breakfast."

It took a while for Izuku's driver to arrive, so they had plenty of time to finish eating and change. Eijiro and Tokoyami stayed behind with Hitoshi who had stared into empty air with a strange grin since he got his first cup of the good stuff. Izuku just wished Hitoshi wouldn't find out how much the coffee cost. It was a small gift but not cheap one. He didn't want Hitoshi to hesitate getting more whenever he wanted.

"I know this isn't exactly what we planned for the weekend, but you can start training while we are gone. We'll see if there is time to go to the beach after we get back."

"Will do," Eijiro declared with his usual energy. "Any suggestion on what to do?"

Izuku looked at the trio for a moment, four of them as Dark Shadow popped out.

"Some of you need to train close combat more than others. Spar in quirkless hand to hand combat. Beat Eijiro 2 on 1 by the time we come back, and you can use him for punching bag in quirk combat in the afternoon. Fail and you'll get only half a lunch, before using him as a punching bag."

"Well," Hitoshi sighed, "good thing we made a big breakfast."

Eijiro smirked brushing his hair. Izuku turned to look at Tokoyami and Hitoshi one more time as he was getting on the car.

"Make sure Eijiro and Dark Shadow don't bring down any walls."