Author's note
A nice long chapter today, because I want to get the Games started! They shall commence in Chapter 17, I promise.
Chapter 16
I stand and look at Pinty and Anita.
"Can you help me?" I ask meekly.
Pinty's eye widens.
"Bruv… Cuz... Nobody can help you."
I say, "But you're girls. Shouldn't you be able to sew up my dress before I have to go back on?"
Anita gasps, "You did not just-"
Pinty butts in angrily.
"Oh, yeah, my G! You want man to pull a needle and thread out my butt, and sew your fat mouth shut as well?"
Anita says, "I don't think any amount of sewing prowess could fix that shredded tent you're wearing, anyway."
"Well thank you for the help." I huff, "Next time, I'll ask friends I can rely on."
"Fam! Don't insult us." Says Pinty.
"Yeah, we're not your friends." Says Anita.
They fist-bump.
Just then, Chazzer calls Anita onto the stage.
She gulps, suddenly looking nervous.
She walks out and Chazzer shakes her hand.
"So, Anita. How are you feeling about your chances in the Games?"
"Not confident…" she says, "I don't want to kill anyone."
"Then what's your plan?"
"I am going to use the same technique that my mentor, Edna, used in her games. She won without killing. And I'm one of the older tributes… I might be able to hold out."
"Ah yes, Edna Bread. I remember her games. I watched that year in a five-star resort in… I mean, I couldn't come in that year because I was ill."
Chazzer glances around fearfully before continuing.
"So, your plan is to copy Edna? Do you know how much luck she relied on in her Games?"
"She told me she befriended all the tributes, so they left her alone." Says Anita.
"Is that true? I can't quite remember."
Something grey and furry skitters along the floor to where Anita is sitting. It scurries up her to sit on her shoulder.
Oh. It's Burger the rat.
Burger seems to squeak into her ear.
Anita asks, "Chazzer… How did Edna outlive the final contestant?"
"Hmm… I can't quite remember. As a special treat, let's show the clip!"
Chazzer and Anita turn to look at the back of the stage, where a huge screen suddenly shows Edna – maybe thirteen years old – cowering behind a boulder in her arena.
I'm surprised to see Gabby the dog panting next to her.
"Ah yes!" says Chazzer, "I remember now! Gabby was the token that Edna brought in with her. Very sweet."
On the screen, another tribute prowls about, searching for Edna.
He looks on the older side for a tribute, with a sturdy build, black hair and a medieval sword poised in front of him.
He calls, "Come out, Eleven! You know you can't defeat me. Show yourself and I might make your death swift."
Edna covers her mouth and hugs Gabby to her. But there is nothing she can do to stop Gabby's tail thumping against the boulder.
Tears shine on her face.
The male tribute sneers as he rounds the boulder.
"Found you."
He leers over her and raises his sword.
Edna begs, "Arcturus, please! You can kill me, just don't hurt Gabby!"
Arcturus laughs.
"If I kill her first, will you die of grief? Let's find out."
Steel glints as the sword flashes downwards towards the dog.
Suddenly, Gabby leaps forward.
The blade should impale her, but her face splits open into four, like a Cthulhu-type monster. Rows of teeth line her gigantic maw.
She snatches Arcturus up in one bite, with a deafening crunch.
Then her face returns to normal, her pink tongue lolling as she looks proudly at her owner.
The clip ends and the Capitol emblem reappears on the screen.
Anita stammers, "Did… did Gabby actually…?"
"Yep." Says Chazzer, "Turns out she was a muttation."
Burger squeaks on Anita's shoulder.
"Yes, Burger…" she says, "I see why you were so scared of Gabby now."
Anita continues fearfully, "But I don't have a mutt on my side like Edna did… what chance do I have?"
Chazzer pats her on the shoulder. He reels back when Burger gives him an indignant nip.
Chazzer says, "Now now, Anita. You have your rat you could bring in with you…"
He pauses for a second, tapping his earpiece.
"Oh, scratch that. I'm being told that tokens can't be dangerous. And considering how many of the staff that rat has bitten, you won't be allowed it."
"But Gabby was a killer squid-dog!"
"Well yes… But we didn't know that, did we?"
Anita starts to cry.
Burger squeaks urgently into her ear. Anita appears more and more devastated.
She says, "Burger is saying that Edna won because Capitol traps killed all the other tributes. Is that true?"
"Well…"
"She says the odds of Edna winning as an adamant pacifist were zero to a billion. One of the game makers bet for her in secret… and rigged the Games so she would win?! That's how she got Gabby as well… Is this true, Burger?!"
The rat gives one sharp nod.
Anita cries, "Then what chance do I have?"
She bursts into tears.
Chazzer appears just as upset.
"Really?" He says angrily, "That's how she got so lucky? I bet on Arcturus! He would have won if… er… I mean, as someone affiliated with the games, I would never bet on them… haha…"
Chazzer wipes sweat from his brow.
Shaking himself, he says, "Off with you, Anita. Good luck and everything. Now get off the stage; you've caused enough unrest."
I am bubbling with excitement. Chazzer begins to introduce me as I skip onto the stage.
"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for… or dreading…"
"I'm here!" I say as I reach him, "I'm ready for my close-up!"
"I haven't introduced you yet. Since you're here, though, do you have a drag name?"
"Err…"
Shoot. I may deserve a place on the cover of every Vogue ever, but I don't have a sexy drag name!
I puff out my chest and say, "I am the fabulous, flamboyant, f-, err… fricking awesome…"
What name relates to Midnight?
"Got it! I am Mistress Moon!"
I twirl seductively for the audience. If I radiate enough confidence, they won't notice my arse hanging out.
"Mistress Moon… What a fitting name." Chazzer smirks.
"Why, thank you." I say decadently.
The audience starts to chant.
"Moony! Moony! Moony!"
I pull my dress around myself and flush with embarrassment. Then I realise something. They're laughing.
They love me.
With the knowledge that a Capitol idol can do no wrong, I pose and pout in my yellow wig and pale makeup. I waft my dress around myself, so the the roaring of the crowd is muffled by rustling plastic.
I grab the folds of my skirt and am about to lift it over my head, when Chazzer grabs my arms.
"That's enough of that." He says, "Take a seat… er… I'm just going to call you Midnight."
I plop my naked buttocks on the plush interview chair.
Chazzer hushes the crowd.
"I have to say, Midnight, I've been waiting all night to ask you about your training score. How on earth did you achieve an eleven?"
"Honestly, Chazzer, I think it might have had something to do with me killing a game maker. If it weren't for that, I would have got a twelve. It's just that common folk always seem to get in the way of people like you and me."
Chazzer nods.
He asks, "How do you know you would have scored a twelve? You know that's virtually unheard of, right?"
"Because Minnesota told me."
From the front row of the audience, Minnesota stands up and cups their hands to their mouth.
They yell, "I said no such thing!"
I laugh it off, saying, "What was that, Minnesota? You wanted to award me a thirteen, but the other game makers wouldn't let you?"
They shout, "I could override all of them if I wanted to! Don't make me regret my decision!"
I wave my hand.
"We've become good chums." I explain, "They're just messing with me."
Minnesota slaps their forehead and sits down.
Chazzer moves on.
"You and Rubis made your feelings for each other quite clear in his interview. Tell me, how do you expect your relationship will impact your strategy in the games?"
I respond, "If there's one thing I know, it's that love is invincible. I learnt that from many a woman, back in district Twelve."
I smooth my wig, proudly.
"How do you think you and Rubis will hold out against the Careers?" asks Chazzer.
"Hold out against them? We're joining them!"
"Is that so…? None of them mentioned-"
"We made a deal that if I scored higher than Sugar, Rubis and I would get to join their team."
"Well then! What an interesting development! How do you know they'll stick to their word, Midnight?"
I am struck by an amazing idea.
"Because I have something they will really, really want in the arena." I look into the camera, knowing the Careers will be watching backstage, "Better than Gabby. Even better than Rubis' titanium abs."
"Wohoho!" Chazzer exclaims, "You're killing me, Midnight! Well, I can't wait to see what your big surprise is!"
I revel in the excitement of Chazzer and the crowd.
A grin remains plastered on my face for the rest of the interview. People will look back at this footage and say, What a victor! He never showed an ounce of fear!
When my ten minutes is up, I don't want to go. I wave and smile at the audience to raucous applause.
On the other side of the stage, I join all the tributes except Pinty, who has just entered for her interview.
I catch her saying, "Man ain't sitting down on that, blud. Fish-brain's arse is still imprinted in it."
I turn my attention to the others backstage.
DJ is in the middle of shouting at Rubis.
"-you want your sadistic strategy to work, you should be a better actor. Nobody is buying your lovesick bullcrap!"
"You sure?" Asks Rubis.
I hurry over to stand like a starfish between the two.
I say over my shoulder, "Don't worry Rubis – I'll shield you from the harsh words of Mr Edge-Lord over here."
"Witty." Says Verona.
"Will you ever stop clinging to him like a barnacle?" Rubis asks her.
DJ snipes, "Will you cling to life after someone stabs you in the chest?"
Rubis smirks.
"Don't underestimate my stubbornness." He says.
"Ugh! You're impossible!" says Verona, "Midnight, as much of a dolt as you are, you need to get away from this psycho."
"I'm sure DJ's not a psycho." I reassure her.
She huffs and storms off.
Before following her, DJ says, "See if you change your mind once I've disposed of farmer-Tarzan over here."
After they have left, Rubis says, "I'd say it's turned out to be quite an entertaining evening."
Before I can respond, Rob comes hurtling towards us.
"Dude! You're interview was awesome! You really know how to put on a show!"
He puts his long arms around me and Rubis.
"Personally, I want you both on the team, straight-up. And I wanna know what surprise you were talking about, Midnight my man!"
"That'll have to wait until we're in the arena. As a team." I say.
"Sweet! We'd better talk to the others then." He says, "I'll get them now."
Rob lopes off to where the rest of his team are talking seriously among themselves.
Rubis complains, "I think I'm overdosing on his enthusiasm."
From across the room, Rob shouts, "Come on over, dudes!"
We approach the Careers.
Greg and Jess stand with their arms folded. Salto looks annoyed, and Sugar – as usual – is unreadable. Does this girl ever blink?
"So." Says Sugar, "You somehow scored eleven."
"Yeah!" I say, "I-"
"How?" She demands.
"Oh, come on, don't you believe I'm skilled yet?"
"No." She says.
"Nuh-uh." Says Shio.
"No way on earth." Adds Greg.
"Never in a million alternate universes." Says Jess.
I look to Rubis for support.
"I'm with them." He says.
"Oh, come on!"
Rob comes to my rescue.
"Chill out, guys. We kinda made a promise. And we're all respectable dudes and dudesses. Why don't we let them tag along?"
"Because one is a manipulative cow, and the other probably doesn't know right from left!" Jess grumbles.
Sugar adds, "And I don't believe for a second that Midnight's 'surprise' is anything worth putting up with him for."
Rob counters, "Well I do. And – I hate to say it – but if you dudes are gonna break a promise, I don't think I can rely on you, man."
"Bro." Says Greg, "You aren't seriously putting these losers above us. I could punch your head down your scrawny appendix!"
Jess mutters, "You mean oesophagus."
"Whatever. Brains are for putting soda in, not nerd-facts."
Sugar and Salto share a look that says, We are way too good for these people.
Salto steps in.
"But Rob, we need you to help us take down Tardi. That was the plan!"
"I'm sorry, little dude;" Rob says, "but I can't stick with a team that goes back on their word. That's like, so not cool."
Sugar draws breath through her teeth.
"Fine." She says, "You can join us."
Greg says, "Hold up. Since when did you get to make de-"
Sugar cuts him off.
"But if I get one inkling that you're plotting against us. Or if you do anything that messes up our plan, you will wish you had let me torture you to death as mildly as I will the other tributes."
I gulp.
"Got it." Says Rubis, "Don't piss off the kawaii sociopath."
And with that, our alliance is sealed.
"Thanks, Rob!" I say, hugging him, "You saved me the effort of getting my real intimidation face out to persuade them."
"Anytime, my dude."
We both turn to watch what's left of Pinty's interview.
Rob says, "Dude, why does she wear that eyepatch? Isn't she a bit old to be playing pirates?"
"That's what I thought!" I reply, "But Pinty is really sweet. She's only twelve, and she doesn't have parents to help her grow up mature."
Rob nods sadly.
"Is that why she's so unladylike?" He ponders.
"Probably. I feel sorry for her. She's never been taught how to cook, or sew, or clean. She won't be able to get a job to support herself, and how will she ever get married?"
"I hear you, brother." Says Rob.
I can sense a real friendship forming here.
Onstage, Pinty says, "Mostly man eats leftovers from man's job at the soup-stall. There's always a loada of gristle left on the bones, that the prisses we sell to don't want in the stew. Nothin' mingin' about congealed rat jelly though, you know what I'm sayin'?"
Chazzer manages to nod through his grimace.
He hastily changes the subject.
"How well have you got to know your district partner? Do you think he'll protect you in the Games?"
"Are you mad? Man don't need protecting! Say that again and I'll mash you up, innit."
"I- if you could answer the question…"
"Yeah, everyone back home knows Mudnut. Man's pretty sure everyone hates his guts, no lie."
"I know, Pinty!" I pine to the screen, "At least you see the harsh injustice of my existence!"
Rob puts an arm over my shoulder.
He says, "It's ok, man. Those people at home, they're just grubby miners, right? You're with the real ones now. And I think you're radical."
"Thanks, Rob." I sniff.
Pinty finishes, "-if a skunk got squeezed out a Mr Whippy machine, with the unholy stink and everythin'. But worse."
"Weird thing to say." Rob comments.
He and I exchange confused expressions.
I shrug.
"Like I said – uneducated."
Pinty shortly joins us backstage, and Chazzer prepares to give his closing comment.
"Ladies and gentlemen, what a fantastic batch of tributes we have this year! I dare say we'll all be on the edge of our seats. Now, before I close off, I just have to address a couple of concerns that may have arisen from this broadcast.
"Firstly, I want to correct my slip of the tongue. We all know that I suffer with a life-threatening form of ADHD, which stops me coming to my job very occasionally. Now you're all sensible people; I know you won't invalidate my autism!
"Secondly, I can reassure you that I have never bet money on the Games. My wealth is purely a by-product of my jobs as a brain-surgeon and producer, when I was twenty. I would never do anything immoral like that."
Rubis says, "Does he actually think he's making things better?"
There is movement in the audience.
The cameras zoom in on Anomaly, who has her fists balled as she stomps towards the stage.
Chazzer says, "Ma'am, could I please ask you to remain seated until-"
Anomaly clambers onto the stage and grabs the microphone.
She shouts into it, "You wouldn't do anything immoral?! How about when you threw a dildo in my eye?!"
She pries open her empty eye-socket for the crowd to gawp at.
"No way!" Says Pinty, "That bird was Chazzer's ting?"
Chazzer tries to wrench the mic back from his ex.
He says, "Anomaly… can't we talk about this in private?"
"Too late, idiot. The newspapers were all over it when you tried to paint me as the villain, for accusing you of crimes you don't even deny!"
"I have a good explanation!" Chazzer insists.
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
Chazzer pauses. Even when confronted like this, he knows how to build up suspense for the audience.
"I was possessed… by a spirit called Siren."
Anomaly groans, "I know all about your stupid seances. Newsflash: You are not in a love-triangle with a couple of ghosts!"
"How dare you?!" he yells, "Harvinger loves me! She just doesn't know it yet!"
My heart goes out to Chazzer. I have been in his situation many a time.
Anomaly says, "You absolute moron. I'll… I'll kick you in the head!"
Chazzer looks down at her.
He smirks.
"I would say you can try, but I know your legs spread wide enough."
"How dare you!"
Anomaly flings her leg upwards, missing Chazzer completely and splatting on the floor.
"Oww! My foot!" She cries.
A woman, who was sitting next to Anomaly, rushes onstage.
"Amzi! Are you ok?" She says.
"Connie! No, I think Chazzer broke my foot."
Chazzer sneers, "Well, if it isn't the Capitol's favourite lesbian power-couple."
Connie picks up Anomaly with some difficulty, giving Chazzer a filthy look before carrying her girlfriend away.
Chazzer regains his composure.
He says, "I think all the loose ends are tied up, don't you? Happy Hunger Games, everyone, and may the odds be ever in your favour!"
A few feet away from me, Corvid rolls their eyes.
They say, "I am genuinely considering jumping off my pedestal, so I don't have to live with the memory of tonight."
"Agreed." Says Izzie, "What an utter shit-show."