Chapter 4 - Twilight
Author's Note: Do I need a warning for panic attacks? Panic attacks and serious slave trauma. :')
~ Amina Gila
It's been several days since he left Plagueis, and they stopped somewhere to have the ship repaired. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan's been thinking over what he plans to do. Right now, there's truthfully little. He'll have to wait until Plagueis continues to manipulate the new Chancellor Palpatine, and when the time is right, he'll take action against him.
For now, he needs to focus on training Anakin. He can't say what it is about the boy that draws him to him so much, but something does. He's... intriguing, and strangely light, despite how hard his life has obviously been. It doesn't really make sense.
They sit across from each other in the hold, meditating together.
He knew Anakin was reluctant to try using the Dark Side, or more accurately... meditating with an emotion instead of trying to get rid of them, but he doesn't seem to be having a hard time, now that he's doing as he was instructed.
Anakin's presence shines like a brilliant sun in the Force. It's completely untamed with how young he is, but it's overwhelming, especially when their Force presences are so... intertwined.
Obi-Wan can't stop himself from reaching out, lightly nudging their rapidly strengthening bond. He's never formed a bond with anyone this bright before. Maybe that's why it's almost overwhelming. He will make the perfect apprentice once he... understands.
Tentatively, almost shyly, Anakin responds, touching him back.
"We can continue your saber training," Obi-Wan decides, when they finish their meditation session.
Sometimes, Obi-Wan is almost surprised Anakin hasn't tried running again. But then again, he's pointedly not given him the chance and after whatever happened with Plagueis, Anakin seems far less inclined to take any such... risks. Unless he's just biding his time. He could be more clever than Obi-Wan is giving him credit for.
It's been a while since he last wore his Mandalorian armor, but now would be a good time.
Anakin is still waiting in the hold when he returns, in his armor. The marks of Clan Viszla (and Death Watch) are perfectly visible so people who know him could recognize it, but he's not overly worried about it.
They're staying on a planet in the Outer Rim right now, looking for bounty hunting missions since he needs to get supplies from somewhere.
"You're... Mandalorian, aren't you?" Anakin asks, looking up at him curiously.
"I am."
"I... didn't know there were Mandalorian Sith."
"They aren't mutually exclusive," he replies, mildly amused.
Anakin blinks. "What does that mean?"
... Right. Sometimes dealing with nine-year-olds, especially when Basic doesn't seem to be their first language, is complicated. "You can be one or the other at once. There's little connection."
"Are you the only Sith other than... your master?"
"We are. There can only be two. It is the only way we have been able to survive," Obi-Wan replies.
Anakin shifts, almost uncomfortably, but doesn't say anything.
"Come on," he urges, motioning for him to follow, and they head outside the ship. "I assume you can be careful with this?" Obi-Wan asks, withdrawing his lightsaber and holding it out.
Anakin brightens instantly. "I can use it?"
"If you're careful. It is not like your training sabers at the Temple." His lightsaber doesn't even have training mode – it's not something Plagueis ever believed in using on him. He always fought brutally, in lightsaber practice, forcing Obi-Wan to keep fighting even when he'd already been burned badly. But it made him more skilled, and he's going to use all of it against him one day.
"I will be," Anakin promises, reaching for the hilt. He looks almost excited, surprisingly. It's the first genuine time he's shown such interest in training. Obi-Wan's quite aware that Anakin doesn't want to learn more of the Dark Side, but it's necessary for defeating Plagueis. Besides, if he took him back to the Jedi, they'd arrest him, and if he sent Anakin alone, there's no saying that Plagueis wouldn't find a way to get ahold of him again anyway. Maul hardly did a good job protecting him the first time around.
"Why does the crystal feel like this?" Anakin asks curiously, igniting the blade. It's much too long for him, but he seems too enthralled with it to care, experimentally swinging it back and forth.
"Because it's bled."
"... Bled?"
"I poured the Dark Side into it."
"... Why?"
"That is the way of the Sith. The crystal must bond with us, so it is most effective if it is Dark as we are."
**w**
Anakin's never used a real lightsaber before, and it's cool. He doesn't like what the saber feels like, but at least he can use one. Maul hasn't let him do that yet. A sharp pang runs through him, when he thinks about Maul. He misses him so much, and it's worse knowing that Maul's worried about him, and there's nothing Anakin can do about it.
He can try escaping again, but... He can't say what's stopping him, though he can't deny being afraid that the Jedi might hurt Obi-Wan if they find him. At least if what he's been saying about them is true, even if it makes no sense to Anakin. Besides, the Sith's been keeping a close eye on him, and he doesn't want to risk Obi-Wan getting angry and sending him back to Plagueis or something, unless he knows he'll be able to get away. He needs to figure something out, but he doesn't know how, yet.
Anakin whips around, spinning the blade up to deflect the next stun blast from Obi-Wan's blaster – he's flying off the ground with his jetpack, shooting down at him – electric sparks sparking around it, nearly coming close to hitting him.
It's so cool to see a real Manalorian, even if... he doesn't really know what to think of him. He's a good teacher, but Anakin doesn't want to be here.
It's then that he suddenly senses something in the Force. There's something wrong. He barely manages to deflect the next shot in time, when Obi-Wan suddenly lands on the ground, scanning their surroundings.
"Get back to the ship," he orders, calling the lightsaber from Anakin's hands to his own.
Anakin obeys purely on instinct, turning to run for it when a blaster shot suddenly rings out.
It narrowly misses Obi-Wan, and a light-skinned woman with strange tassels on her head steps into view, shooting with two blasters.
Obi-Wan instantly shoots back at her with one hand, deflecting her next shot away with his lightsaber. "Aurra Sing," he says, darkly, "What are you doing here?"
Anakin doesn't like what she feels like in the Force, but he can't deny a sudden instinctive flare of hope. What if – what if she's here because of the Jedi? He doesn't think so, but... Slowly, he edges back towards the ship. But if she's here to help him, should he really run and hide and make it more difficult?
"I'm surprised you can't figure it out," she retorts, firing again.
"You picked the wrong target," he warns, lunging for her. They exchange fire a few more times, before he sends her blasters flying from her hands, wrapping the Force around her neck, lifting her off the ground.
Okay, of course, Anakin knew the Force could be used to do that, but it's still... scary to see Obi-Wan being like this. (He knows how easily he could hurt him.)
"Who are you after? Who's your client?" he demands sharply.
"That's confidential," she rasps.
"Won't matter if you're dead."
No response.
"It was a Muun, wasn't it?" he presses.
She's from Plagueis? It... makes sense, even more than her being from the Jedi. This is bad. Anakin just wants to go back to Maul, but he'd definitely would rather be with Obi-Wan than Plagueis. And –
Aurra moves suddenly, whipping out a concealed blaster from her belt, firing. Except the first shot isn't at Obi-Wan. It's at him.
Anakin tries to duck, instinctively but it's not fast enough, or maybe it's that the shot was aimed for if he tried ducking.
A sudden burning, searing pain rips through his shoulder, and he falls to the grass with a quiet gasp. He's felt worse before, like when he broke his legs once, but it still burns, and –
Obi-Wan drops her, caught off guard. It's likely what she was going for, and she instantly struggles to catch her breath, but Obi-Wan stalks closer, leveling his blade above her neck, the Force coiling of sheer ice around him. "I only spare you so you can tell this to your client," he hisses, voice full of enough rage that it sends an involuntary shiver through Anakin, even when it's not directed at him at all. But maybe... for him? He doesn't know why him being hurt would upset Obi-Wan so much, though.
"Tell him that he will fail. Tell him that if he wants me, he'll have to come for me himself. And the boy is mine. He will never lay a hand on him again."
Obi-Wan spins away from the bounty hunter, stalking back for the ship. Anakin presses against the grass, heart rate picking up. The Sith still feels furious, and maybe it's not at him, but... Well, Watto always took out his irritation on him, whether Anakin was at fault or not.
"I told you to wait on the ship," he says sharply, crouching next to him.
Anakin tries to keep from flinching when the Sith reaches for him. "I –" He's good at lying, but no reasonable excuse comes to mind.
Obi-Wan sighs, quietly, before reaching down, lifting Anakin into his arms.
Anakin stifles the startled noise that nearly escapes him, trying to stay still. "I can walk," he objects, anyway.
The Sith makes an indecipherable noise. "I imagine you can."
Anakin cannot tell if that's intended to be sarcastic or not – the Sith is so confusing sometimes. Like yelling at him one minute, and then being... like this.
Obi-Wan heads into Anakin's room on the ship, setting him on the bed. "I'll need to treat this," he says, gesturing to the blaster wound before he turns, crossing the room to get... something.
Anakin tries not to stiffen, watching his moves warily. There were few places in here where he could hide the extra food he's been keeping with each meal, and he doesn't want it to be found. And the Sith is dangerously close to it right now – though with his back turned, Anakin can't see exactly what he's doing.
After a few much too long moments, Obi-Wan approaches him again, carrying the medical supplies. Setting his helmet on the edge of the bed, he crouches in front of him. There's something about Obi-Wan's gaze that's... Anakin's not sure, but he suddenly has a bad feeling he might've found Anakin's food supplies, after all. That would be... bad.
He seems far too contemplative about something, and still upset, though Anakin's not sure at what.
"I'll have to see the wound," Obi-Wan says without preamble, moving to pull his now damaged shirt back enough to see the injury. It looks bad, but it'll heal. The skin is charred and – Anakin looks away from it, trying to stay still as the Sith pokes at it, with a... surprising amount of gentleness, given everything.
"My master is sending bounty hunters after both of us now. We'll have to be extra careful," he speaks up, after working for several moments, tone terse, "Had you gone on the ship like I told you, this may have been avoided."
Anakin tries not to pull back; it's just... uncomfortable to feel this vulnerable in front of him – even if he's used to the feeling.
"I didn't mean to... ruin it," he mumbles, trailing his foot against the floor.
"What?" Obi-Wan sounds confused.
"The... clothes." They were new, after all. Maybe that's why he's so mad.
There's a long, very uncomfortable, pause of silence. "This isn't about your clothes, Anakin. I can easily get you more. I don't want you getting hurt."
But why? Why would it matter so much? He's still his... captor, even if he's been... nice. He hasn't hurt him like any of the others did, other than the Jedi. Anakin doesn't really understand.
Unless he really was a slave...
**w**
Obi-Wan thought training an apprentice would be easier than this. Maybe it would be if he was treating him just as a Sith apprentice, but really, he... hasn't been. Not when Anakin is young and dependent, still.
But he really has no idea how to treat him. Anakin's obviously still afraid of him, which Obi-Wan expected, but it seems he still sees himself very much as a slave.
Especially if those food stores he accidentally stumbled upon are anything to go by. If he's been storing this much, how has he even been eating nearly enough?
And is he storing them for an escape attempt, or because he's... afraid of not getting any?
Obi-Wan needs to mention it to him, but he doesn't know how to approach this. Especially not when he sees the scars littering Anakin's skin, and... that brand. He has a brand. Of course, he knew people did things like that, but it's different seeing it.
He finishes bandaging the wound first, stepping back to give him a little space before approaching the topic.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan begins finally, trying to keep his voice gentle.
The boy looks up, uncertainly. Warily.
"I didn't take you from Plagueis just to train you as a Sith."
"... Then why?"
Trying to put this into words makes him uncomfortable, for some reason. "He was hurting you. I couldn't let him do that."
Anakin hesitates. "But why me, not the others who were there?"
Sometimes, he really doesn't act nine. But given his life, that's... not really surprising.
Obi-Wan considers the question for a moment, or rather, how best to word his answer. Bluntly telling Anakin that the others really weren't his concern – that he hadn't even initially come there to help him, just to see how he was doing – doesn't seem like the best of answers, if he wants the boy to trust him. "I could not help all of them," he replies, finally, "There is no way I could hide them all from my master."
"If you're trying to stay away from your master, why wouldn't the Jedi help you?" he objects, hesitantly, tensing slightly.
Obi-Wan tries to ignore his instant flare of irritation. "Because leaving him does not mean that I am no longer a Sith. They will not care if I require... assistance." Which he does not, but the point still stands. It's not as if he would have anything to do with the Jedi anyway. He's disliked them ever since what happened when he was young.
From that moment, all those years ago, when the Jedi had tried to take him from his family by force, because apparently, the fact that no one wanted the Republic on Mandalore wasn't enough to give them the hint.
"I can help you, then," Anakin offers, quietly, "If you just wanna be free."
Why he wants to help so much, when Obi-Wan's still technically his captor, he doesn't understand, but maybe it's part of what draws him to the boy so much. In some ways, he's still so... innocent, naïve.
Obi-Wan reaches forwards, laying a hand on Anakin's shoulder. "That is why I will train you as a Sith. You will be far stronger that way – the Jedi are weak. If you are a Sith, Plagueis will not be able to get to you. If you are with the Jedi, he will know where to find you. With me, he will not."
Anakin nods, his gratitude flaring, even if he still seems confused.
"What?" Obi-Wan prompts, when he doesn't ask whatever it is that's obviously on his mind.
"But can't I at least tell my master where I am?" he asks, almost shyly, bracing himself as though expecting violence. "I know he's worried."
Obi-Wan pauses. "It would be a risk," he warns, "We have no way of contacting him without going to the Temple. I know of no way we could observe him from a distance and find a way to talk to him."
"But you found us before."
"I was shadowing you for a long time. We can try to find him, but it will take time," Obi-Wan finally concedes. Even if he doesn't know that he actually means to do it. He doesn't want risk going anywhere near the Jedi, especially because he knows they'll take Anakin back.
There's an obvious flicker of hope in the boy's eyes, though, so he doesn't know what to say.
Now, to approach the other topic... "I don't know what you're used to," Obi-Wan continues, "But so long as you are here, your needs will be met. You do not need to fear not being fed."
The boy eyes him warily, distinctly uncertain again. He's always wary when something unexpected happens.
"You can keep food if you really desire," he adds. There's no point indicating that he doesn't know about it. "But it's unnecessary."
Anakin still seems wary, so he finally settles for lightly touching his non-injured shoulder, before leaving the room. Perhaps leaving him to reflect on what Obi-Wan said while he's alone will be for the best.
**w**
It's the first actual mission Anakin's been on, other than the one with Maul... except this one feels very pointless.
They're supposed to be hunting down some very dangerous animal that escaped the... zoo on some planet. Anakin still doesn't understand what the purpose of confining all these animals in the first place is.
Nor does he see why they're keeping it here if it's so deadly that they need to call bounty hunters in to retrieve it.
Both of them are using blasters here, because Obi-Wan doesn't want to let word get out of a "rogue Jedi" being in the area. Using the blaster is cool, though.
Finally, they manage to shoot the animal with a drug of some kind, so it's... only half-present as they bring it back. But frankly, Anakin just feels bad for it, especially when they're escorted into the place itself, and he sees all the other animals there being held in cages.
"What is... the purpose of this place?" Anakin objects, swallowing hard. It reminds him way too much of Plagueis, and of Tatooine. Even if they are just animals. It's not like they're keeping them here for some purpose. And it's hurting them; he can feel their obvious misery.
Obi-Wan shrugs. "They say children tend to enjoy coming to places like this."
Anakin frowns. That doesn't make any sense. What could someone possibly enjoy about this? "But what's it for?"
"... Admiring what the animals look like?"
"But... it's hurting them," Anakin objects, "And... it doesn't want to go back." He motions to the clearly unhappy animal that's being directed back to its cage. Even in its only half-awake state, it's still hissing and snarling at the... security guards, or whatever they are.
Obi-Wan huffs out a near sigh. "It's just an animal, Anakin."
He holds back his instant retort – he doesn't want to push too far and make him upset, but...
The animal snarls again, and Anakin can only watch, biting his lip, as the people pull out... electric prods, nudging the animal forward. There's nothing else he can do, but he has no idea how people could find this entertaining.
Then again, he wonders the same about the slaves he saw fed to Gardullas's rancor, back on Nal Hutta. Everyone had been cheering, and his mother had just covered his eyes. He still heard the screams, though.
Obi-Wan takes the credits from the officer, turning to go.
It still doesn't feel right to be profiting from this, but he keeps his comments to himself. They badly need the resources, the Sith had insisted.
He can't help but linger, though, watching as the animal is forced back into its cage. (He still remembers what it was like to be trapped in Plagueis'.)
"What?" Obi-Wan asks, voice cutting through his thoughts.
"It ran away for a reason," Anakin replies, shifting. Obi-Wan's never hit him, and he doesn't think it would start now, but sometimes, he can't help but expect it. Sometimes, he thinks it would make more sense if he did, because he's never had a master who doesn't do that, other than Maul. And he's different.
"Then I'm sure they'll care for it, so this isn't repeated," he replies.
There's a sudden noise somewhere close – it's the sound of rapidly beating wings, and Anakin flinches purely on instinct, looking around sharply.
They're just birds, flying very loudly in one of the large cages right behind them, but for a moment, all Anakin can remember is Watto hovering over him, wings beating furiously as he... yelled at him for Force knows what this time. Sometimes, it was just for the sake of hovering, ready to hit him for the slightest mistake. All he could ever do was brace himself for it, and –
He draws in a deep breath as his breathing starts picking up. This is stupid; it's nothing to panic over, and Watto is literally not even here, and those are just birds, but he wishes they would stop flying around, because it certainly doesn't feel or sound like his once master isn't here.
But all he can feel is the misery around him, and he has no idea why he's panicking about absolutely nothing, but it feels like he can't breathe, and he's quite accustomed to that feeling.
Like that time when he was running from... someone. He has no idea what they wanted, but they were chasing him, and they wouldn't stop, and –
Something touches his shoulder, and he jolts back, heart lurching.
"Anakin?" Obi-Wan's voice filters in through his fear.
Right.
It's just... He's here, and he needs to breathe. There's nothing wrong. He doesn't know what's wrong with him or why he feels so scared. It's happened before, but...
Anakin blinks, and Obi-Wan is crouched in front of him now, frowning. "What is it?"
"I –" He has no idea how to answer that. All he can do is try to even his breathing, the way he does while meditating. It works pretty well, though he still doesn't know what's wrong with him. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" he repeats, dubiously.
It's a stupid answer, but he shakes his head slightly, trying to focus on breathing. It seems to... be helping somehow. So long as he can try to think about anything other than the wings incessantly beating behind him.
The blue eyes – Anakin notices with a start now that they aren't yellow nearly as much as he thought they'd be – study him with an unreadable expression for a few long moments, before he stands again. "We should leave," Obi-Wan advises, "But first, I... have something for you."
"What?" Anakin asks, following. Now that the sound of wings is dying down, it's easier. Though he suddenly feels completely worn out, and he has no idea why. He also feels thoroughly emotionally drained, remembering Tatooine.
He misses his mother so much it's nearly enough to take his breath away again.
"They're giving these out for free here," the Sith says by way of explanation, picking up a stuffed tooka from one of the... stands nearby, passing it to him.
He's seen these before, very briefly, but he doesn't see what their... purpose is. "What's it for?" Anakin asks, curiously.
"... A toy. It's not meant to have a purpose."
Which is... weird, but... Anakin knows other children have things like this. He turns the tooka over in his hand, studying it closely, then tucks it under his arm. It's... nice. And cute, somehow, maybe especially because of the ridiculous size of the eyes stitched onto its fake face. "Thank you," he offers, shyly.
It's a good distraction at least, and they're far enough away from the cages that he can try to think about something other than those birds.
Obi-Wan seems momentarily pleased, though with what, Anakin's not entirely sure. "Come on," is all he says, and they head back for their ship.
**w**
Anakin can't say what triggered it, though nightmares are frequent enough.
The sun beats down relentlessly on him, but all he can do is stand still, silently being as invisible as he can, hoping no one will notice, watching the auction taking place around him. All slaves are allowed... little clothes here, and Anakin's just glad this is happening at a cooler point of the day.
There's yelling suddenly, and one of the slavers withdraws a whip. It cracks through the air, hitting one of the slaves, who falls to his knees on the sand, with a strangled cry. He wants to help, but he knows he can't. He can't do anything but stand here, silently hoping he or his mother won't be next. Or that someone will actually be interested in buying them, because they can't be separated. They can't –
He has no idea if Watto means to sell either of them or not, but... All he can do is try not to listen to the screams, and he can't tear his eyes off them even though he does not want to watch –
Except then, something is shifting, changing, and he sees Maul in the slave's place instead.
"Master!" Anakin calls, joling forwards, only for an electric prod to hit him in the side, sending him to his knees gasping. He's been hit with them plenty before, but not usually this long, and it's not stopping –
Anakin jolts awake, heart pounding. It wasn't real, it wasn't – But it still very much feels like it is. He shifts, fingers curling tightly in his blankets, wishing the fear and panic would stop. Finally, he reaches over, picking up his stuffed tooka, holding onto it tightly, trying to force away the memory.
Maybe because, even now, he has no idea what it means to be free. He is, but he still doesn't know what it means. He thought it would be some change he could feel, but it's... not, really.
And his mother is still there, on Tatooine. Seeing her face in his dreams – and Maul's – sends a sharp stab of pain spearing through him. He just wants to see them again, and he doesn't understand why he can't. He left Mom to become a Jedi, and he's not even doing that. He's not...
It's silly that holding the tooka is helping.
He senses suddenly, Obi-Wan's presence nudging his, and moments later, the door to his room opens. "Anakin?"
Anakin pushes himself upright, rubbing his eyes. "Yes?"
Obi-Wan hesitates a moment, slowly approaching the bed. "Are you... alright?"
"It was just a dream," he replies quietly. He's supposed to use his fear to fuel him, his... newest master has taught him, and it... works, but he doesn't like how it makes him feel. "When can we find Maul?" Anakin blurts, finally. Though asking when all he can remember is that electric prod hitting him is...
Obi-Wan's lips press in a frown. "We already spoke of this."
"It's been... weeks," he objects, quietly.
There's a very long pause of silence, before the Sith moves closer, sitting on the edge of his bed next to him. "He's still a Jedi. If we find him, he will report us back to the Council."
But... "You said we would."
"I did," he agrees, huffing out a breath that sounds... almost annoyed, "But there is still risk. First, there are matters I must attend to on Mandalore. We will get extra supplies there, and then, it may be easier."
He doesn't risk pressing further, doesn't know if he should. But, wait – "We're going to Mandalore?"
"We'll be leaving tomorrow. You should go back to sleep."
That he's... admittedly excited for that, because he's always wanted to see Mandalore. Even if, right now, he just wants to see the Temple again. Anakin only nods again, swallowing hard.
Obi-Wan stands, lingering next to his bed. "Will you be... alright?"
He really, really doesn't want to be alone, but he doesn't know if he could... sleep in front of anyone right now. "Yeah."
"Good." He waits until Anakin lays down, reaching down to tug the blanket over him. (Only his mother used to this. Even Maul never did. He doesn't understand why Obi-Wan is doing this, but Anakin knows he... cares. Anakin can't say what he... means to him, but he doesn't want to leave him. He doesn't want to lose him, the same way he did Mom and Maul.) "It appears your tooka is good company," he comments, dryly.
"Twilight," Anakin corrects. It's something about the shading, and it just felt right. (Besides, he thought that word was cool from the moment he first heard it in Basic.)
"You named it?" He sounds mildly amused.
Anakin nods. Why wouldn't he? He knows how important names are – even if it's only a thing. (He used to be a thing, too.)
Obi-Wan disappears from the room after that, leaving a glaring vacantness behind, and Anakin almost wishes he'd asked him to stay.
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