Chapter Forty One
Harry felt awfully low in the days that followed the Hogsmead trip. Rita had seemed to take him seriously enough, there were only a few huffs of disbelief or eye rolls but he had still had to relive it, to drag everything back to the front of his mind, leaving him feeling rather empty.
His date with Cho was also running itself over and over in his mind. He wasn't stupid, he knew he'd said the wrong things; he just didn't know how to make it right again. She would look over at him from the Ravenclaw table, or give him a small smile as they passed in the hallways but he just didn't know what to say.
The Tuesday they had missed from school had also seemed to set them back. Logically Harry knew that Valentines day had been a teacher service day, planned and thought out, for months at least but it felt like they were trying to make up for lost time, giving all the students that much more homework to make up for the few precious hours in school missed.
Harry knew what he had to do in order to talk to his father, Umbridge had made it impossible for them to talk informally any more, her and her stupid Educational Decrees. So with a heavy heart, knowing that it was a hugely stupid thing to do, but he really needed to talk to his Dad, Harry added the Belladonna sprig into his cauldron of waking potion.
The effect was immediate and dramatic, more dramatic than Harry thought it was going to be. The room filled with a thick black smoke that smelled strongly of cherries and made everyone clutch at their desks to stop them from falling over.
"Who was that?!" Professor Snape demanded, moving round from his desk.
"It's coming from Potter's cauldron." Ron said sleepily, starting to lay his head down.
"Potter, my office at once. The rest of you out, class dismissed!" Professor Snape ordered them, "And close the door behind you."
Professor Snape moved quickly through the class, dragging students out of the sleep inducing fog and into the clear hallways.
"Any of you get a migraine, go to Madam Pomfrey!" Snape told them, slamming the door shut behind them.
He coughed loudly and escorted a nearly asleep Harry out of the room and into his strange office. Harry sat down, propped up against the wall while Severus quickly dug out a tonic and forced it down his neck.
Harry spluttered at the bitter taste and tingeing as it ran down his throat and sat up, suddenly awake. Severus took a swig himself before glaring over Harry.
"What on earth were you thinking?" he snapped, "You can read the board, nowhere did it say anything about Belladonna and yet you put it in, didn't you?"
Harry nodded, "Yeah but-"
"And anyone with even a basic knowledge of potions would know, that Belladonna is used in sleeping type drafts not wakening ones!" Severus continued, "You could have cause a lot of problems for the whole class! They now have to go do their homework half asleep!"
"Dad wait up, please." Harry asked.
Severus took several heaving breaths, "What were you playing at?"
Harry felt tears brim in his eyes, it was all getting too much for him. Cho, Rita, Umbridge, no Quidditch, exams, Occlumency lessons, exam work, everything was just too much.
Severus saw how upset Harry was and softened. He sat down next to Harry and put an arm around him, "What's wrong?"
Harry sighed, revelling in the hug, "There's just so much going on. I can't come and talk to you any more without blowing up the classroom."
"That really was a very stupid thing to do." Severus said, a little more kindly than before, "You could of hurt somebody."
Harry smiled, "I knew you wouldn't let that happen. McGonagall is teaching me Occlumency, did you know?"
Severus nodded.
"It seems to be making things worse though. I keep trying but my scar hurts, all the time." Harry said, trying not to sound pathetic.
"Occlumency is… difficult." Severus said, "It takes a lot of practice."
"I wish you could teach me." Harry sighed.
Severus gave him a sad smile, "I know. I do as well, but with Umbridge watching us as she is-"
"I know why you can't." Harry said, "I just wish you could."
Severus nodded, he wished he could be the one to teach Harry as well; Occlumency was difficult at the best of times, and having your brain picked through was deeply personal, not something you wanted just anyone to be able to do.
"What else is on your mind?" Severus asked after a few moments.
"Hermione has had this crazy idea that Rita Skeeter is going to write an article about what happened last year, that I'm not crazy and it's going to be published in the Quibbler." Harry told him, it sounded insane saying it out loud.
"Well, it's not a bad idea. If she can get Ms Skeeter to agree to it." Severus said slowly.
Harry smirked, "Oh she has. And I've done the interview. I know it makes sense, and it might even do some good it's just…"
"After last year, no one could blame you for not wanting your name in flashing lights once again." Severus assured him.
"There's also…" Harry took a deep breath, "A girl."
"Ah, Miss Chang?" Severus asked, one raised eyebrow.
Harry looked at him in shock, "How did you know?"
"I'm a teacher Harry, half of my job is to know everything you lot get up to." Severus smirked.
Harry grinned, "I see. Well I asked her out, we went on a date, Valentines day. And it was shit. I messed up so bad and I don't even know how."
"What happened exactly?" Severus asked.
Harry told him about what happened, about how they'd some how ended up on the topic of Cedric and she'd started crying and he didn't know how to make her stop.
Severus paused for a moment once Harry had finished and looked down at him kindly, "Strangely enough, I was in a similar situation once upon a time, only my 'Cho' had a little baby boy with a shock of black hair."
Harry looked at Severus, "I… I… I've never thought how hard it must have been for you."
Severus nodded, "It was hard, especially at the beginning. Your mother loved James so much and, well, we were not the best of friends. Then of course, Sirius was also there, all the time, also missing your father like anything."
"But she loved you?" Harry said.
"No Harry." Severus shook his head, "No. She'd loved me at school, and she loves me now but there, for a while, she didn't love me, not like she still loved James. She had to mourn, to adjust to the world without him in it before she could ever think of loving me again."
Harry knew this topic was causing Severus some pain, but he needed to know, he needed to know how he was to have any chance of making things right with Cho.
"So how did you… help?" Harry asked.
Severus sighed, "Not very much to start with. She was so sad and wouldn't stop crying and I just wanted her to, well, get over him. You can't rush it though, the best thing I ever did was just be there for her. Let her talk, let her cry and be her friend."
Harry nodded, "I want more than to be just her friend though."
Severus laughed, "I know. And I'm sure you will be."
"What if I'm all busy helping her get over Cedric and someone else swoops in and steals her?" Harry said jealously.
"Why are you so worried about that?" Severus asked.
"Apparently Roger Davies asked her out already and she's a pretty girl, lots of people might want her." Harry told him.
"But she wants you, or she would of said yes to Davies." Severus pointed out, "And if she does end up with someone else, then isn't the main thing that she's happy?"
Harry didn't say anything but snuggled into another hug. O course he wanted Cho to be happy, he just really wanted her to be happy with him.
"I'm sorry, that's not a nice thought to put into your head." Severus said, "I suggest that you just make it clear to her that you're not ready to be her boyfriend, that you want to be but you think things are still too painful for you, and you think they may be for her as well. So you're going to be her friend, her very best friend until you're both healed."
Harry nodded, he could do that. Looking back over their date, it was clear that Cho needed someone she could talk to. She had friends of course, but maybe none that she felt she could cry over Cedric with. Harry felt a pit in his stomach form at the thought of him being yet another person who wouldn't let her grieve.
"I hate to make you leave, but time is ticking on." Severus said, looking at the clock, tucked between two slimy looking jars, "I don't want you to get into trouble."
Harry nodded and forced a smile, "Thank you, for talking. And I'm sorry I blew up your potion lab."
Severus smirked, "That's quite all right." he stood up and poured a jar of disgusting smelling yellow slime over Harry's head.
Harry jumped up and shook himself, "What was that for?" he asked, trying not to gag.
"Your detention, cleaning out my stink-sap jars." Severus told him, "Now go and get showered Mr Potter."
Harry grinned, "Thanks." he said rolling his eyes and leaving the office.
The classroom had been cleared of smoke by now and was filled with slowly congealing cauldrons. He hurried through towards the Slytherin common room, and the showers, when he caught sight of Cho.
"Cho! Cho!" he called without thinking of the state he was in.
"Harry?" Cho said, turning round, slightly surprised he was talking to her, "Oh my, what happened?"
Harry looked down at his foul smelling robes and thought that this might not be the time for his heart to heart with Cho.
"I got a detention, wrong ingredient in Potions." Harry explained, "I want to talk to you but..."
Cho got out her wand and flicked it, "Scourgify." she said clearly and the worst of the sap left his robes, although it left his mouth tasting a little of soap.
"Thanks. That's much better." Harry grinned.
Cho smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "You're welcome."
Harry smiled, looking into her warm eyes.
"Umm Harry, I have homework to do." She said after a moment.
"Right, yes and I could really use a shower." Harry said, pulling his eyes away from hers, "I just wanted to say, I am really, really sorry. I should never of suggested that we didn't talk about Cedric."
Cho looked at him in surprise, "I… I understand why you didn't want to talk about it. I shouldn't of pushed."
Harry shook his head, "No, no not at all. If it's upsetting you, if anything is, I want you to be able to talk to me about it. What happened last year, it really effected me and I'm still not OK with it, and I think that maybe you aren't either?"
Cho nodded, and wiped her eyes.
"I like you, I mean I really like you." Harry said, "I like you too much to see you get hurt, and it breaks my heart that I hurt you. So I have a suggestion."
Cho smiled, "And what's that?"
"That, for now, we don't date." Harry said, "Not while we're both still hurting. Instead I'll be your friend, and you can be mine and we can talk and remember Cedric and help each other, really be there for each other until we're both better, better enough to be ready to move on."
Cho beamed, "Just when I thought I couldn't like you any more than I already did." She moved forward and kissed him deeply, "Last kiss, until we're both better. I shouldn't of put you through me trying to rush everything. I miss him so much, but I… I liked you last year. I was so confused, liking you both and then… then he… Cedric died, and I felt like it was maybe my fault, because I was confused I'd made it happen. The Gods had taken the choice from me."
"Cho..." Harry shook his head and dug out his handkerchief, "I'd give you a hug but then you'd need a shower as well."
She laughed and wiped her eyes with his hanky, "Thanks."
"It wasn't your fault." Harry said, "I can promise you that. I blame myself as well. If I'd just left him to the spider thing, he would have been fine and it would of just been me in the graveyard. But I know there is only one person to blame. Voldemort. He killed Cedric and nothing either of us could of done would of changed that."
Cho smiled and nodded, "Thank you, Harry. I… I hope we're both better soon."
Harry nodded, "So do I. And until then, I'm always here for you."
"And I for you." Cho said.
"Hem hem." Umbridge said, trotting up the corridor, "And what is going on here?"
"We were just talking Professor Umbridge." Cho said, lowering her eyes to the ground and instinctively covering the back of her hand.
"And what, on earth, could you two have to talk about?" Umbridge demanded.
"If you must know Professor, we'd been on a date." Harry said, stubbornly.
Umbridge raised her eyebrows, "Really? Did it go well?"
"No." Cho and Harry said together, sharing a smile.
"And yet you both seem happy?" Umbridge pointed out.
"We've decided to be friends, until we're both over the death of Cedric." Cho said, "Harry is a good man."
"If you say so." Professor Umbridge said sweetly, "Run along Miss Chang, I need a word with Potter."
Cho looked worriedly at Harry before nodding and leaving the corridor.
"I heard that there was some disruption in Potions today, Mr Potter?" Professor Umbridge inquired.
Harry nodded, "Yes. I made a mistake, misread the board."
"And caused the classroom to be evacuated!" Professor Umbridge said sweetly, "A big mistake."
Harry nodded, and wisely said nothing.
"The class was dismissed early, but you, you didn't go with the rest of the class did you? You went to Professor Snape's office?" Umbridge asked.
Harry nodded, "Yes Professor. Mr Weasley had told Professor Snape it was me that had caused the sleeping gas stuff."
"What did you do in there?" Umbridge demanded, her voice changing.
"I cleaned out his stink-sap jars." Harry said, gesturing to his robes, "Cho cleaned the worst of it off me, but I still need a shower."
"Yes you do." Umbridge smiled, "Well, a fitting punishment I'm sure."
Harry turned to walk away.
"Wait." Umbridge's voice rang down the hall, "Are you sure that's all you did?"
"Yes." Harry said firmly.
"Well, as you know, it is forbidden for teachers to talk to students about anything other than their appointed subject." Umbridge reminded him.
Harry forced a smile, "I am well aware, and I can assure you we talked of nothing. He just set me to my rather unpleasant task."
Umbridge nodded. Harry quickly walked away before she could say anything else, thinking of how he'd managed to fix things with Cho, and of getting a nice hot shower.