Chapter Four
Nikka felt like her heart was about to explode the second she landed at Grimmauld Place. Everything smelt the same as it had the night they'd left. The night that Kreacher had come running upstairs to tell them Harry had been in the fireplace.
She was snuggled in bed, reading to Danica and avoiding Bellatrix when Kreacher came bursting in, it took them a while to calm him down enough to get a straight answer, he'd just kept grabbing Danica, saying she couldn't leave.
They had managed to calm him down though and he explained that Harry had been in the fireplace and that he was heading for the Department of Mysteries. Lily had panicked, of course and tried to contact the school but there was no one answering anywhere.
They had made sure that Kreacher was happy to look after Danica, in truth they wouldn't have been able to tear the terrified Kreacher away from the silently crying and confused Danica.
It had taken them a lot longer than they had hoped to get into the Ministry. The workers entrances were all sealed for the night and it had taken them over half an hour to get the visitors door to let them in. then of course the Ministry wasn't the easiest of places to navigate, so it had taken them many precious minutes to find where the children where.
The battle had been fierce. It was nothing more than dumb luck that Severus had already been at the Malfoys' when they'd gotten them the message that the children were in danger, giving them time to take the polyjuice potion and help without telling the Death Eaters which banner they had flocked to this time. The battle would have had a very different outcome if they hadn't been there from the start.
Tonks had been hit by a stray curse fairly quickly, losing her footing on the rough ground for just a split second, allowing the stunning spell to get through. Nikka had done her best to protect her. She couldn't count the number of spells she'd been hit with, including one that sent a shooting hot pain through her side, before she fell.
Next thing she knew, everything was calm. The pain in her side was enough to make her want to pass out again but she was alive. Remus had helped her up, Tonks already sitting up next to her, tears streaming down her face.
Then she saw him, she saw Sirius. Her world stopped as she waited to see him breathe or move but it never came. She could hear screaming, heartbroken, dying screaming all around her. She didn't know it was her screaming at the time, she felt so detached from it all…
"He's alive Nikka, he's alive I promise!" Remus had said, repeating it over and over again, giving her gentle shakes until Nikka had no more air in her lungs to scream and the words could sink in.
Nikka wobbled as everything flooded back into her mind, the memories crashing over each other until her head felt like it would explode, the soft, fabric wall paper under her finger tips.
"Are you all right?" Lily asked worriedly, keeping an arm around Nikka.
Nikka forced a smile and nodded, "Yeah, yeah sorry I was just… everything came crashing back… I never… we never even said goodbye that night."
"Danica, why don't you and Kreacher go do some colouring? I think aunty Nikka needs a cup of tea." Lily said calmly.
Danica was old enough now to know when they wanted to get rid of her for 'important grown up stuff' and didn't think it would be kind to argue with how upset Nikka clearly was.
"Ok Mum." Danica smiled and gave her a quick hug before wondering to the sitting room to find Kreacher.
Nikka blinked, "When did that happen?"
"What?" Harry asked, looking around in slight confusion.
"When did Danica switch from 'Mummy' to 'Mum'?" Nikka asked, trying not to cry and feeling rather silly.
"This last week." Lily smirked, "I had a bit of a flip out as well. She still uses 'Mummy' when she's tired or worrying but otherwise I'm now 'Mum', to both of them."
Nikka blinked again, "Wow, I feel like I've been gone for a year."
"We've missed you too." Harry smiled, giving her a big hug, "I'll go stick the kettle on."
Harry wondered through to the kitchen and filled their old copper kettle with water before sticking it on the stove and perching himself on a stool. It felt weird having Nikka back in the house, like somehow everything was that much more real.
The kettle whistled loudly, making Harry jump. He quickly made three cups of tea and carried them through to the dinning room on a sparkling clean tray; most of the house was sparkling clean currently, Kreacher was struggling with the loss of Sirius and that was manifesting itself in him never resting for a minute; Lily had been forced to order him to sleep after nearly seventy two hours the other day.
Nikka was flopped in a chair in the dinning room looking very tired. She took the tea gratefully and took a burning swig, feeling it warm her from the inside.
"What else have I missed then?" Nikka asked after a few moments.
Harry didn't even know where to start. Draco was going slowly insane living with the Lestrange children who seem to have been born in a barn and raised in a field from the way they behaved. According to some very irritated letters from Narcissa, all three children had needed new wardrobes and Gemini had managed to wreck most of hers already.
Neville's parents had both applied for Auror training at the Ministry, they knew something bad was coming and wanted to be as ready as possible, this left Neville looking after his siblings for large parts of the day, although Hallie and Hannah, being only four, had a nanny.
Pansy had been revelling in having her parents free. Harry had seen an article about her, well Draco had sent it from his mother's copy of 'Domina Pura'. She seemed to be getting on wonderfully well with William.
Daphne's parents had also been keeping the girls close. They had set up several trust funds for them both; preparing for their futures if anything should happen.
Hermione was coming to stay in a couple of days, her parents had been able to get some time off but that was coming to an end and she loved coming to stay, the more the merrier; as long as their surname wasn't Weasley.
Harry's highlight of the summer had been his ever growing stack of letters from Cho. It made him blush to even think about them, tucked safely in his school trunk. He hadn't told anyone some of the things she'd said, not that they were naughty in anyway, just silly things like she'd seen a sunrise one day and thought of him, so woke up early the next morning to see another one.
"I heard that Fudge has resigned." Nikka said, breaking though Harry's thoughts.
"Resigned might not be the correct word for it." Lily smirked, "He's lost everything, he's only getting one quarter of his pension, at most. Lucius and Narcissa, as well as Edward and Seraphine, are livid still at being held over in America for so long. I don't think M.A.C.U.S.A are best pleased with him either. And goodness knows Daphne's parents went mad over what he allowed Umbridge to do to Daphne."
"Do we know who's taking over? The article at the hospital was rather vague." Nikka sighed, draining the last of her tea.
"Scrimgeour." Lily smiled, "He'll be sworn in in the next couple of days."
"I'm glad it's him." Nikka smiled, "He's a good man, at least always was for my short stay in the Aurors' office."
"You did get your job back." Lily said gently, "And they've written a few times now, they wouldn't do that if they didn't want you back."
Nikka nodded and stared into the bottom of her cup for a moment, looking at the few loose tea leaves that had slipped though.
"Yes, yes I knew." she said, forcing a smile, "I had several letters from the new head, Gawain Robards. He's a good enough man, a little serious for me and Tonks possibly but he knows what he's talking about and is less likely to play at politics like Scrimgeour is sometimes guilty of."
"So what's the problem?" Harry asked, feeling like he was missing some of the conversation.
"I'm not sure I want to go back Harry." Nikka said softly, shrugging her shoulders.
"You loved being an Auror, you worked so hard!" Harry exclaimed.
"I've just lost all my drive." Nikka tried to explain, "I wanted to become an Auror to do some good, to help people but now… it just feels like there's no point."
Harry felt a surge of unwarranted anger at her and took several deep breaths to calm himself.
"I think you should go back." Lily said, gently but firmly, "We could use every good Auror we can get. And I know that Tonks would be happy to see you back at work, cheering up the office."
Nikka shrugged.
"I know you… that is was hard, Sirius getting so hurt." Harry said carefully, "We all felt it, but how would you feel if someone else got hurt because you didn't feel like going back to work?"
"Harry!" Lily looked horrified, "That's not an appropriate to say!"
Nikka wiped her eyes, "No, he's right. I just feel like I'm not good enough."
"Nikka you did everything you could, most of us ended up on our arses during that fight." Lily pointed out.
"Not many people needed surgery afterwards!" Nikka huffed, feeling very much like she'd already lost the argument, "Oh gods I am being stupid."
"Not stupid." Lily said, squeezing her hand, "Just hurt."
Harry stood and wrapped her in a hug, wishing he could do more to help.
"Why don't you go for a bath?" he suggested, girls liked baths right?
Nikka nodded, "That would be lovely, if I'm honest. I've not had more than a quick wash in weeks."
"I wish they'd made more of an effort for you at the hospital." Lily muttered.
"They wanted me gone, didn't understand why I was hanging around such a hopeless case." Nikka said through gritted teeth, "But, now I'll know if anything happens." she ran her fingers over the rose pendent.
"I'll go find Kreacher, ask him to run you a bath and get you another cup of tea. We've got a few hours before we're due round to the Weasleys'." Harry smiled, leaving the room.
"Why are we going to the Weasleys'?" Nikka asked, trying to be an adult and not groan out loud.
"They've invited us round for dinner, again." Lily smirked, "I think they're missing us a little, after Sirius was hurt… Dumbledore thought that it would be an idea to move the Order's headquarters, they're at the Burrow now."
Nikka nodded, she was too tired to bother trying to argue, "He can move it back, if he wants."
Lily laughed, "Oh I don't think we'd be able to wrestle it from Mrs Weasley's grasp now!"
Nikka snorted a laugh, "Good point. Right, I think I should go and have a soak and maybe a nap before we head off. Thank you so much, Lily."
Lily stood and gave her a tight hug, "You are more than welcome. I've had a few letters from your family, your brothers especially, they're in your room. I've not opened them, of course."
"Thank you, that'll give me something to read in the bath." Nikka laughed, "They've always been awful at letter writing though!"
"Let me know if there is anything we can do?" Lily said.
Nikka nodded, "I think… I think, however selfish it may or may not be, I think I just need to get back to normal."
Lily nodded, "I think that's a very good idea, it doesn't mean you don't love him. You must remember that."
"I'll try." Nikka promised.
"Bath's all run!" Harry said, cheerfully, walking back into the room.
"I think I've even got some bath bombs left." Nikka grinned, walking towards the door.
"Kreacher has already added some of his secret stash of bath oils." Harry laughed, "The room smells all rosy."
"Well doesn't that sound like heaven!" Nikka said, leaving the room.
"Are you all right Harry?" Lily asked, gathering the empty mugs, "What have you got there?"
Harry held up the letter, "It was being delivered to my room, but I don't recognise the hand writing."
"Well I doubt it's going to bite, it doesn't look like a Howler. And it does look slightly familiar…" Lily smiled, "Shall I open it for you?"
Harry nodded, "Yeah. It's not addressed to a person so it might be for you, or Dad, or even Nikka."
"Follow me to the kitchen then." Lily said, holding the mugs up.
She set them in the sink, something that Kreacher would moan at her for later, and took the letter from Harry. She slit it open quickly and read over it, a small frown forming on her face.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"Well, it is for you." Lily said, forcing a smile, "It's from Dumbledore; he wants to have private lessons with you this year."
Harry didn't know what to say, Dumbledore had gone from ignoring him completely to wanting to have special lessons with him. Harry forced a smile, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach.