Rayna

When she walked into the restaurant downtown, she saw Tandy raise her hand to let her know where she was. She smiled and headed that way. Tandy stood as she approached, and the sisters hugged. After they sat down and ordered, Tandy leaned across the table. "I can't believe Elvis married you two," she said with a cheeky grin. "Daddy is positively livid."

She laughed. "Not surprising. I'm sure he was horrified that I got married to a fellow hillbilly music singer. Probably livid I got married at all." She smiled. "At least he has you to do things the right way."

Tandy laughed. "I don't know about that. He still has his nose out of joint about Mack." Mack Hampton was in commercial real estate in Nashville, at a competing firm to Wyatt Industries. While Lamar seemed to like Mack, he was also a competitor, and that caused a little bit of tension when they were all together.

She smiled. "It's kind of nice for both of us to be kind of on the outs with him at the same time. I'm not sure that's ever happened. But he'll get over it with Mack. Maybe he'll even get him to work for Wyatt Industries."

Tandy made a face. "Oh, god, I hope not." Just then the server returned with their orders, and they waited until they were alone again. "So anyway, tell me how this happened."

"Well, I never told you this, but a while back, after the number 1 party for Ball and Chain, he asked me to marry him. Well, he didn't so much ask as he just said 'marry me', but nothing really came of it. Then we were at the ACMs out in LA and the next morning we were supposed to fly back to Nashville. But he was in this really good mood and said let's go to Vegas and get married." She laughed. "I really thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. And for some crazy reason it sounded like a good idea and the next thing you know we're in Vegas at one of those wedding chapels." She shrugged and smiled. "And now we're married. For better or worse."

Tandy looked at her for a second. "You happy?"

It was hard for her to slip something past her sister. The loss of their mom had drawn them together even more than they had been and Tandy had always been so in tune with her. "Yeah," she said, hoping she didn't sound as uncertain as she felt. Of course, she loved Jared. He was just the perfect guy. It had all seemed to happen really fast though. And then she sure wasn't going to tell her sister about the dream she'd had the night before. The dream where the guy she'd seen at the Bluebird open mic back when she was 16 was singing to her. The dream she'd had more than once over the years. "I just didn't expect to be married by Elvis Presley." She laughed and, after a moment, her sister joined in.

As they walked to their cars, Tandy linked arms with her. She looked at her sister who had a pensive look on her face. "I hope this all turns out to be great for you. You have this amazing career that you've started on. You're living your dream. But if you'll let me, I'd like to give you one piece of advice from my own experience."

She looked at Tandy closely. "Sure."

Tandy breathed in and then gave her a tiny smile. "Marriage is hard. All the things that happen before marriage don't prepare you. You've got to live with that person day in and day out. You'll find out little quirks about that person you didn't know before. And you might not like them all. You can get disillusioned about what you thought marriage was going to be. There will probably be days when you don't like each other very much. You'll fight. You'll freeze each other out sometimes. It's hard." Tandy gripped her arm more tightly. "Just know you have to work at it. Every day. Because you can learn so much about yourself by just learning to compromise. Be compassionate. Be understanding. Remember the love."

She was surprised by what Tandy had said. "Sounds like you've learned a lot."

Tandy nodded. "I have." She sighed. "I have a husband who travels a lot. You have a husband who's off touring with someone else the same as you are. It's easy to be cautious, suspicious, whatever. If you work on building it right, it can work anyway." She smiled. "And don't let anyone get into your head."

They had reached Tandy's car and they stopped. "Thanks for all that. I know it seems like I made a quick decision – and I did – but I really think this is it. I didn't think it would happen so quickly or at my age, but I think we'll make it work."

"I hope so, sweetheart." Tandy gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I know you're leaving tomorrow, so have a good trip and call me when you're back in town."

She thought about the conversation with Tandy as she drove home. Well, not home really. She had moved clothes and personal items to Jared's house near Love Circle. It was a small older house nestled in the trees behind the park. It was clearly a man's home, spare and somewhat dated. Nothing like her own updated condo, but he had seemed to want her to move into his place and so she had. She decided she'd wait until the tour was over to make any decisions on her place.

She spread the fingers on her left hand as she was driving. They weren't wearing the cheap bands they were given at the Elvis chapel. Jared had promised he'd get her a beautiful diamond band at some point, telling her they didn't need the wedding bands they'd bought at the chapel. That's cheap shit, darlin'. We deserve something better. He hadn't told anyone yet they were married, except for his manager. She hadn't told anyone except her sister and father. She wasn't exactly sure what they were waiting for, but Jared was all about how best to publicize things and he told her he'd work on that.

It felt weird to her to think about being married. To be someone's wife. She hadn't met his family or many of his friends. I like having you all to myself. She liked keeping her personal life private, so she didn't mind all that much. But what had Tandy said? – marriage is hard. She didn't doubt it. She didn't have much to compare to though. Her parents' marriage had not been a great one. All of the things Tandy talked about – yelling, slamming doors, distance – were the things they'd grown up with. She'd never really considered what being married would be like, outside of the idea of growing old together and having a family. She and Jared hadn't talked about those things. When she tried to imagine them, she struggled. And then she wondered if that was something to be wary of.

When she got to the arena, she was happy to see her new manager, Bucky, there. Michael had left Edgehill and Watty had identified several manager candidates for her to choose from. She had felt an instant connection with Bucky as soon as she met him. He was about 10 or 12 years older than her and had a great deal of experience. He was easy-going but could be tough when he needed to be. He wasn't connected to Edgehill, which she saw as a positive. It allowed her to be more candid with him. She really appreciated how Watty still looked out for her. He felt like a father figure to her, more so than her own father.

"Hey Buck," she said as she walked up to him.

He smiled. "Hey Rayna. Let's get you to your dressing room." They started to walk down the tunnel. "Some good news. Howl of the Rain is being released to radio Tuesday. Programmers seem really high on it. And Home just went gold."

She felt a little concerned. After her splashy start with Cowgirls Love Too Hard, Southside of Love had not quite gotten to double platinum, and now Home – her third album, released before Christmas – was just getting to gold at mid-summer. "I hope Howl will generate more sales." They had reached her dressing room and stood at the door. "I'm feeling like I need to make a change, Buck."

He looked puzzled. "What kind of change?"

"Mix things up a bit. Maybe find a new producer with some new ideas. I know Randy's supposed to be great, but I feel like the record should be selling better. And the singles should be doing better. Can you check into some producers that aren't just country based?"

"I can, but most of them are generally not interested in producing a country album."

She smiled. "I know you can twist their arms, Buck," she said.

"I'll do my best." He smiled back. Damn, she was glad she had him. "I'll see you before the show."

She and Jared met in New York City for a few days during a mid-week break. Kind of a mini honeymoon. A mini moon, he'd said with a laugh. He'd made the reservation for 2 nights at the Peninsula Hotel near Central Park. She had arrived first with him arriving shortly thereafter. He had reserved a suite and there was already champagne chilling in the room when they got there. She was surprised at how much the room cost, after looking at the rate card on the back of the door, but she said nothing. Jared was very much focused on his image and a pricey suite at the Peninsula Hotel was just the kind of place he'd choose.

When they got to the room, he poured them each a glass of champagne. "Here's to Mr. and Mrs. Jared Boone," he said with a big smile on his face.

It irked her a little that he kept doing that. "Well, I'm still Rayna Jaymes, you know," she said after sipping the champagne. It tickled her nose, but she liked it.

He laughed. "Oh, I know." He kissed her then. "So how 'bout we start this mini moon with some getting reacquainted time." He nodded towards the bedroom. "We don't even have to unpack."

"Sounds good to me," she said with a smile. He took her hand then and led her towards the bedroom.

They were sitting in the living room of the suite, wearing the Peninsula robes after a shower. Her damp hair was pinned up on top of her head. They were nibbling on spring rolls and smoked salmon and were splitting a cheeseburger and fries from room service. She pulled her legs up on the couch as she sipped more champagne. It was still light outside although it would be dark soon. She had noticed when she arrived at the airport and on the way into the hotel how hot it was. She was more than happy to be inside with air conditioning.

"So, what's the plan for the next couple days?" she asked. Jared had wanted to plan everything, and she was happy to let him.

He grinned. "More of what we just did, more of this" – he nodded towards the food – "and one really special night out tomorrow. I got reservations at Tavern on the Green. And after dinner we can take a walk in Central Park."

She smiled. "That sounds amazing." She looked around the room. "And this is so wonderful. I think the closest thing in Nashville to this is The Hermitage."

He beamed. "Anything for my little lady."

She just smiled. One day they would need to talk about things like that. She wasn't anyone's 'little lady' and she wished Jared would treat her more like an equal than he sometimes did.

He got up then and walked into the bedroom, coming back with a small box in his hand. He sat back down and looked at her. "So I know I told you I'd get you something better than that cheap ring we got in Vegas. I sure do hope you like this." He opened the box and held it out to her, and she gasped. Inside was a beautiful wedding set, with a large diamond and diamond studded bands around it. She looked at him in shock. "What do you think?"

"That has to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she managed.

He chuckled and then took the rings out of the box. He took her left hand and slid the rings onto her ring finger. She held her hand out and was mesmerized by how beautiful they were. She looked at him. "I haven't gotten one for you."

"No big deal. It was more important for me to get you something really special. You like it?"

She smiled. "I love it. This is so amazing." She reached out and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him. He pulled her close and they forgot all about the burger and fries and spring rolls.

The next day they went to a jewelry store so she could buy a wedding band for him. They settled on a thick silver band with a black double milgrain edge that he felt was appropriately masculine. It amused her how particular he was about it. The only other jewelry he wore was a very nondescript silver necklace and that was only onstage. But she was happy he liked it and it gave her a little thrill when he put it on and wore it out of the shop.

Later that night, when they were at Tavern on the Green, she was aware of paparazzi taking photos of them, some surreptitiously and some not so much. She supposed it was more for Jared, since he was the bigger artist, but it still unnerved her a bit. He loved the attention, while she preferred privacy unless she was onstage. When she was back on the road she saw photos of them on the covers of tabloids at convenience stores, including one of her new engagement and wedding rings. She didn't recall someone getting that close, but she supposed it was a zoom shot. She felt unsettled when she saw it. But it was life with Jared, and she'd known that from the beginning. He liked the attention, the limelight, and the publicity, and he liked showing her off. Even if that made her feel a little uncomfortable.

She'd been a little hesitant about talking to Tandy about how things were going and generally just told her they were fine. She knew Tandy still felt like she was too young and that she hadn't known Jared long enough. Her grandmother had not been a lot more positive, which was what gave her the most pause. She knew they both cared about her and loved her and wanted the best for her. Sometimes though it felt like they didn't trust her to make decisions for herself and that was what bothered her. She was making the decisions about her career, so why was it so hard for them to understand she wanted to make those same decisions in her personal life?

She had to be honest though, her personal life was less private than she liked. She hoped once they came off the road and had some time to really talk that they'd be able to work through those concerns as well as really talk about what the future would hold.

She stood in front of the mirror and took a deep breath. Her dress was perfect, a lavender dress that was very fitted and covered with light tulle. It had long sleeves and a beautiful sweetheart neckline. Her shoes were lavender to match with a bit of rhinestone for the glam. The woman doing her hair had wanted to do an updo, but she had decided to let her hair hang loose over her shoulders. She had added her earrings, a necklace, bracelets, and rings. The makeup team had given her a lavender smokey eye and she thought it gave her a little bit of a mysterious look.

"You look gorgeous, Miss Rayna," Jared said as he walked up behind her. She could see him in the mirror in his gray suit. She smiled.

"Thanks." She turned around and walked up to him, adjusting a tie that didn't need it and then running her hands down the lapels of his jacket. "You look pretty handsome.

They were both nominated that year for CMAs, which made it exciting. Jared had 3 nominations, for Horizon Award again plus Vocal Event of the Year – with her – for Ball and Chain, and for single of the year for Blaze of Glory. In addition to the Vocal Event of the Year award, she'd also been nominated for the Horizon Award, something she could tell got under Jared's skin a bit, although he tried not to let it show.

He smiled and patted his pocket. "Got my speeches in here," he said, a smug look on his face.

"Speeches?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Well, sure. You and me are winning for Ball and Chain, for sure, and then I got 'em for the other two." She narrowed her eyes just a bit and opened her mouth to say something, but he quickly added, "Just in case, of course."

She closed her mouth. "Of course," she murmured. She just hoped this year's event didn't end the way the last one did.

Unfortunately it was worse. Everything started on a high note with them winning the CMA for Vocal Event of the Year. She had been a little surprised they won, considering they were up against some big deal collaborations, including Clint Black and Wynonna, Reba McEntire and Vince Gill, and Trisha Yearwood and Don Henley. Jared took most of the time they were allotted for a speech, leaving her with barely enough time to thank her label and quickly mention Watty and her family. She told herself it was really Jared's song, one he'd already released as a single, but it stung a little. They were whisked off the stage and had to spend time in the press area talking about the win and their marriage and all of that. Jared seemed loose and excited and dominated the press interviews. At one point they were asked about the other awards they were nominated for.

"So both of you are nominated for the Horizon Award this year," the TV personality said.

"Yes, ma'am," Jared responded, again taking over the spotlight. She just smiled.

"Friendly competition then?" she asked with a quick laugh.

She started to respond, but Jared took the answer instead. "I think it's just may the best man win," he said. She didn't have the chance to counter it before they were swept out of the area and sent back to their seats.

She didn't say anything until they'd cleared the press area. "What about the best woman, babe?" she asked. "It could be Trisha or me."

"Well, I figure it's my second time being nominated so that's usually how it goes, right?" She just shook her head as they kept walking. She decided not to mention it was Trisha's second nomination too. It just wasn't worth having a disagreement on such a special night.

They were in their seats when the award for Single of the Year was presented. Jared's song was up against songs by Alan Jackson, Tanya Tucker, Dwight Yoakum, and George Jones. When he didn't win, he took it better than she had expected. Well, no one was gonna beat Chattahoochee, right? But he got up and left as soon as they went to a commercial break. She smiled a little at the seat filler who slid in immediately after. She kept her eyes on the stage through several performances and a couple more awards. They had missed Clint Black's performance when they were backstage with the press and she wondered if the mystery man was still in his band. She guessed she wouldn't know.

Jared still hadn't returned by the time they both needed to be backstage to get ready for the Horizon Award medley, where each nominated artist would sing a bit of one of their current songs. The award would be handed out immediately following. She got up, apologizing to the seat filler, and headed to the back of the auditorium. A PA was waiting for her and whisked her off to a dressing room to change. She had picked out a short denim skirt and a white rhinestone bedazzled blouse, along with a pair of white boots and they were waiting for her. She didn't have a lot of time to look around because she needed to change quickly. A wardrobe person was there to assist and a makeup artist was there to touch up her makeup. But she looked around the room she was in and wondered when she might get the chance to perform on the Opry stage. It was one of the many dreams she'd had since she'd been young. Maybe I'll be back someday in this very room.

When she made it to the side stage with the other artists, Jared was there and she walked up to him. "Where were you?" she whispered. When he turned to look at her, she caught a whiff of whiskey. He smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

"Hey, baby, you ready for this?" His eyes glistened just a little and she wondered how much he'd had to drink. So much for him taking the Single of the Year loss better than she'd thought.

"How much have you had to drink?" she whispered. He frowned.

"Not that much," he said tersely, but she thought he was probably lying.

She didn't have a chance to say anything else because it was time to start the medley. Jared was the first one out onto the stage, with the rest of the artists following. She couldn't remember what anyone sang and was surprised she actually remembered the words to her own song, because her mind was definitely elsewhere. When her name was announced as the winner of the award, she was surprised. She looked at Jared, but he wasn't looking at her. She could see the twitch in his cheek that meant he was angry. She felt bad for him, but she couldn't concentrate on that as she walked out to the stage, smiling as she accepted the award from Suzy Bogguss, and gave her speech, thanking everyone she had wanted to thank before. She was in a daze as she walked back to the side stage. She looked for Jared, but he was gone.

Jared never returned to his seat and she wasn't sure what to make of it. She knew the seat filler was looking at her, wondering what was going on, but she just concentrated on the stage. She was sure he was upset at not winning but didn't understand why he was acting this way. Embarrassing her. Embarrassing them both, really. When the show was over and she exited the Opry House, she found out the car that was to take them home was already gone. She was standing there with her 2 CMAs when Bucky came up to her.

"Congratulations, Rayna," he said with a big smile as he awkwardly hugged her around the awards.

She tried to smile, feeling confused. "Thanks, Buck," she murmured.

Bucky frowned as he looked around. "Where's Jared?" he asked.

She paused as she looked at him, then felt a tear escape one eye. "I don't know. He never came back to the seat after the Horizon Award." She breathed in, not wanting to cry in front of Bucky or anyone else standing around. "And I guess he left in our car."

Bucky looked concerned. "I can take you home," he said.

She smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Buck. I appreciate it."

The house was empty when she got home. Jared didn't come home all night, even though she waited up for him. It was late morning before he finally walked in the door, still wearing the suit he'd won the night before. By this point she was angry.

"Where were you?" she asked.

He slammed his CMA on the counter. "Celebrating my one win," he said, his voice almost venomous.

She swallowed. "You left me, Jared. Left me without a word and no way to get home."

"Seems like you made it though." He glanced over to where she'd left her awards and walked over to them. He picked up one of them and turned to face her. "With the award I should have gotten." She didn't know what to say so she just watched him warily. He widened his eyes. "This shoulda been mine, Rayna. You know that. You stole it from me."

Now she was angry. "I didn't steal it, Jared. I earned it. And I'm sorry you didn't win, but at least one of us did."

He walked up to her, the award still in his hand. "You only got this because of me. Until I found you and carried you along with me and then married you, you wouldn't've been anything. You'd still be on the state fair tour." He held the award up. "I earned this. I should have gotten it last year, so they owed it to me. You took away what should have been mine."

She was stunned. "You really think you're the one who got me where I am? That I didn't do this on my own?"

"You got recognized because you were with me. You were nothing before that." He slammed the trophy on the side table so hard she jumped. "We're done. I don't need you hanging on my coattails anymore. I'm getting out of town for a bit. You need to be gone when I get back." Then he turned and walked back through the kitchen, picking up his keys. He walked out, slamming the door behind him.

She stood, watching where he'd been. She heard the sound of his truck starting up and then squealing out of the driveway. She picked up the trophy and looked at it. "I earned this myself. I didn't need you or anyone else to get it for me," she said out loud to herself. She walked back to the bedroom and pulled out suitcases, packing up everything that was hers, pulling it all out to the great room. She picked up the phone and waited until it was answered. "Hey, Grandmother. I need to come stay with you for a few days, if that's okay." She listened. "I'll tell you all about it when I get there." She hung up the phone and then began taking her belongings out to her car.

She stood in her foyer for a moment before closing the door to her condo. It had been a while since she'd been there. It seemed so silent, so lifeless almost. She was glad she hadn't sold it or sublet it or anything. She left her rolling bag in the foyer and walked into the living area. It looked clean and she smiled a little. She knew Celeste had arranged for a thorough cleaning. She felt a lump in her throat and swallowed over it. Her grandmother had been so supportive when she had gone to her house that day after the CMAs. Tandy too, of course, but her sister had her own life and her own things to deal with. She had laid low at her grandmother's for a few days, filed for divorce, and then went by herself to the beach to relax and decompress from everything that had happened. Now she was back home – this was home. She walked into the kitchen and put her purse and keys on the kitchen table. When she opened the fridge, it was filled with food. She pulled out a can of Diet Coke and opened it. She opened the pantry and saw that it had been stocked as well. Celeste didn't miss a thing.

She walked back to the den and sat in the club chair, setting her drink on the end table. She knew all her clothes would be in the closet in her bedroom, her toiletries in her bathroom. It was almost as though she'd never left. She took a deep breath. She'd been grateful to Bucky for running interference for her. She wasn't ready to face all the chatter and she didn't want to talk to the press. What she had needed was time away from the tabloids and their headlines and mostly incorrect information.

Watty had invited her for lunch before she'd left town and she'd shed a few tears on his shoulder before deciding to move forward in strength. You'll be fine, my little songbird. Take all of this and write. It'll help more than you know. She thought about that. He's right. I have so many songs I can write. She picked up her drink and moved to the coffee table, sitting down on the floor, her legs underneath the table. She reached out for a lyrics notebook she'd left behind and a pencil and opened the notebook to a clean page. She thought for a few minutes about all the emotions she had, the anger, the bitterness, the hurt. Even the embarrassment, until her grandmother had told her sternly, you have nothing to apologize for, my dear, so don't. She had felt empty but now she knew she had things to say.

I fell for a dream / It was not what it seemed / By the time I woke up / I had lost everything / Thought I'd die without you / But I came to life without you

When she finally put the pencil down because her fingers were too stiff to keep writing, she sat back and looked at what was in front of her. She flipped through pages of lyrics filled with scratch outs, scratch throughs, reorganized words, sentences, and even verses, and she had 3 songs already. They would need melodies, but she had time for that. She pushed out from under the table and stood gingerly, her back stiff as well. She picked up the half full Diet Coke – which was warm – and realized she was hungry. She checked the clock and saw that it was already past 8:30. She made her way to the kitchen and found a takeout menu. Then she reached for the phone to call in an order for Chinese.

She wasn't healed yet, but she was getting there. And she knew she'd be stronger than ever.

Deacon

Road life could be tough. Even just as a member of the band. He was starting to wonder if maybe there was at least a positive in not being the one who had to kick ass every night to make sure fans filled the seats. Riding on a bus gave him plenty of time to think. He enjoyed playing music on a stage. But he also enjoyed playing his own music. He wondered if he'd ever get the opportunity to go out on his own. Would anyone ever see him that could make that happen. He was still young though, so he decided he wouldn't give up on the dream just yet.

It could be lonely though. Sam wasn't the only one who felt that.

He missed Sam. He was sitting in his room at the hotel before sound check. His mind wandered to the call they'd had when he arrived. He had a hard time getting a read on her and her mood. He had decided what he needed to do was find someplace for them to go where they could have some real alone time, time to hopefully reconnect. The problem was he didn't know where to go. It needed to be close, and it needed to be pretty cheap. He didn't want a hotel. He wanted something pretty off the beaten track. He had called Vince. Not that Vince would necessarily know a place, but Vince knew everyone, and he figured someone his friend knew would know a place.

He was getting ready to walk out the door to go to sound check when the phone rang. "Hello?"

"Deacon, it's Vince. I got you a place."

"Really? Where?"

"Out west about an hour and a half or so. It's where the Tennessee River becomes a lake or something. Pete, you remember Pete, he's got a fishing cabin out there. We've been there. Remember?"

He didn't remember anything like that. He and Vince went fishing a lot and they did go with Pete, who was another musician they knew through their session work, but he didn't recall a fishing cabin. "No, but go on," he said.

"Well, it's kinda rustic, but not too bad. I been out there, and it's got electricity and running water" – Vince laughed – "and Pete said you could use it."

It didn't sound like the kind of place Sam would want to go. In his mind, it was probably some rickety structure about to fall down. "I don't know," he said. "It don't sound like someplace Sam would like."

"No, man, it's actually decent. It's been in his family for a long time, and it's got a little kitchen, a bedroom, and I told you electricity and running water, right? It's right along the water and there's woods all around it. Quiet."

"Well, maybe that would work. How much?"

"Free. It's not a 5 star hotel, but I don't think that's really Sam's thing anyway, right?"

He didn't think Sam would turn down a 5 star hotel, but he understood what Vince was saying. "I guess."

"Well, let me know so I can tell Pete."

"I will. I gotta call Sam and then I can let you know." He paused. "Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I gotta head over to sound check now."

"Glad to help. See ya when you're back in town."

It was a warm day, hot actually in the sunshine. But under the leafy trees and next to the river it was cooler. He was standing on the porch of the fishing cabin – which was decent, as Vince had promised – looking out over the river, which he really couldn't see in the dark. What he could see was the dark sky filled with stars. He saw a few fireflies flying around. He thought there was probably a song in that somewhere, one he might write later.

When they had first arrived and walked out to the river's edge, he could see Sam relax. This had been the right thing to do. He was glad she had agreed. The river was narrow at this point, right before it would empty into a lake. The water was calm and it was quiet. He felt more relaxed too. They had stopped before they got to the house and bought some groceries and had eaten sandwiches for dinner. Now that it was dark out, the air cooled down more. He heard the screen door close behind him and heard Sam's footsteps across the porch. He looked over his shoulder just as she came to stand next to him.

"Nice, huh?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah." She breathed in slowly and then let it out before turning to look at him. She smiled just a little. "I'm glad we came." He nodded. "Um, so, I'm pregnant."

He just looked at her for a moment. "What?" This was not what he'd expected her to say.

"I'm pregnant. About 7 weeks." They hadn't been trying. They'd never really talked about a family. He wondered how she felt.

"So, how..."

"I'm okay with it. I know we hadn't talked about it and it kind of took me a little by surprise. How do you feel?"

"Nervous." He smiled at her then. "But okay. So, when?"

"Middle of March." She eased a little closer and linked her arm with his. "It scares me though. I haven't had the best of role models. I'm not really sure how to be a mother. Or even how to feel about it."

"I'm a little scared about being a dad. My dad was pretty bad. I don't wanna be like him." He sighed, then looked at her. "We don't have to do what was done to us. We can be better." He smiled at her. "I guess we need to start thinking about the fact that we're having a baby."

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. I just don't know what to expect or even how to feel just yet."

"I get it. Maybe we just decide to look forward to it."

She smiled and then leaned her head against his arm. "I think you're right."

While he was on a tour break, he and Vince met at a neighborhood bar. Vince had gone to Texas for a couple of weeks, and he was looking forward to catching up and getting out of the house. Life at home was stressful, with Sam having a tough time.

"How was Texas?" he asked Vince.

"God, too many people, too much food." He rubbed his stomach and grinned. "I gotta go on a diet. The Jameson's really do know how to cook. It was good to see the family, but I couldn't get outta Texas fast enough. How are things going on the tour?"

He took a swallow of his beer and nodded. "Good. Got a couple weeks off so that's nice." He shook his head. "Actually, that ain't completely true." He looked at Vince. "Sam's pregnant."

"What? Are you serious? You're gonna be a dad?" He laughed. "Sorry, just having a little trouble with that one."

He smirked. "It's a lot to wrap my head around."

"How's Sam doing with it?"

He shook his head. "She's trying to figure it all out too." He sighed. "She's sick as a dog though, so I think right now she ain't thinking good thoughts."

"How you feeling about it?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I wanna be happy about it, but she's so miserable it makes her hard to be around. So I don't wanna say too much because it'll just get her all worked up." He sighed. "I don't think she's all that happy about it." He took a long swallow of beer. "I can't really tell though."

"Damn, man, that sucks. All of it. You know if it's a boy or girl?"

He shook his head. "It's too early. And she don't wanna know anyway." Suddenly he was tired of talking about Sam and the baby and all of that. He hated that he felt so uninterested but she had all day sickness instead of morning sickness and she didn't seem happy to be pregnant and she was kind of a bitch, if he was honest. He knew it was because she felt like crap because usually she wasn't like that. But she was almost 4 months pregnant – which felt more like 4 years at this point – and had 5 more to go and he wasn't sure either one of them was going to make it.

He must have looked like he didn't want to talk about it because Vince changed the subject without prompting. "So, when do you go back out?"

"Couple weeks. Then it's a couple weeks here, couple weeks off, all the way to November. We'll be in town for the CMAs since Clint's a performer."

"And then after that?"

"The usual stuff. I'm working on some music. Got some gigs lined up already. I'm probably gonna hang around Nashville for a while, so maybe check in with some of the studios for session work."

"Well, everyone'll be back in town and in the studio, so should be some work going on."

It was good catching up with Vince, although he stayed out too late and drank too much. He was glad Sam was asleep when he got home. When he woke up the next morning, he rolled over and saw that her side of the bed was empty. When he sat up on the edge of the bed, he winced. His head was throbbing, although not as bad as it did after the nights on the road with the band members. He'd been drinking more with them than in the past and more often than not he paid for it the next day. And night. Nothing was worse than standing on stage playing guitar in the middle of a concert when a hangover wasn't completely gone. He knew he was drinking more than he should, but he couldn't seem to get a handle on it.

He went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He sighed. He really did need to stop drinking as much as he was. He splashed water on his face and walked out into the apartment. Sam was standing at the kitchen counter and looked up. "Don't come near me," she said.

"Well, good morning to you too," he said, feeling irritated.

"You reek and if you come near me, I'll puke." He noticed she had a box of crackers and a ginger ale next to her purse. "You're drinking too much. You need to stop. I mean, we're gonna be parents, Deacon. you've got to get over that."

He nodded, feeling contrite. "I know. I'm sorry. Just catching up with Vince and I guess it got away from me."

"Well, maybe don't spend so much time with him. He's a bad influence in that regard." He shrugged. Vince really wasn't any more of a bad influence than the guys in the band and the crew. "Well, if you're not gonna stop you need to sleep on the couch. I got up twice last night to puke after you got home."

He didn't realize he'd had that much to drink. "I'm sorry, baby. Really."

She put her purse across her shoulder, then picked up the crackers, ginger ale, and her keys. "I'm going to work." She nodded towards her stash. "Hoping this helps me get through the day. I'll see you tonight." She then headed for the door, making a wide circle around him. When she got to the door she turned back. "I think we need to find someplace bigger to live. We'll need another bedroom for sure."

"Sure," he said. "Whatever you want."

"I'm gonna see if I can find some places and we can look when you're off the road in November."

"Sounds good." She gave him a quick smile, then opened the door and left, closing it behind her.

He took a deep breath, then leaned on the counter, his head in his hands. I gotta get a hold of this. She was right. They were going to be parents. He couldn't wake up with a hangover and take care of a kid. He couldn't come home drunk at night and take care of a kid. Boy, you're gonna end up just like me. He made an angry noise and slammed his fist on the counter. He grabbed his hand as the pain shot through it all the way up his arm. He breathed in deeply. Then he walked over to the kitchen and started coffee before he went back to the bathroom and got a couple aspirin.

Unfortunately, when he got back on the road all the plans to stay straight went out the window. He went to the hotel bar or a nearby local place almost every night after the show. Sometimes he didn't drink much, other times it was a lot. The only time he didn't was when he'd already been so hungover before a show that he puked afterwards because the noise of the show curled his stomach. He'd thought that the morning he got up and realized the bus had left without him would have been enough to be that gut check moment, but it wasn't. He'd gotten himself to the next city and then went out that night after the show, letting the guys rib him for what had happened.

It was only when he was at home that he forced himself to stay straight. At least most of the time. He'd still go out with Vince, but he mostly managed to limit what he drank. He kept telling himself it was being gone from home that led to him drinking, but there was a little voice inside him that told him that wasn't true. So then he'd drink to shut up the little voice.

They were performing at the CMAs again. Clint had 2 numbers he was doing but only one with his band, which was fairly early in the show. He'd never been much for awards shows. Didn't watch them and had never been to any where he wasn't performing. Even then he wasn't sitting in the audience. The band was back in a large area behind the actual Opry stage where they'd filmed things like Hee Haw back in the day. It was a large, cavernous area with enough carved out areas where they could do a last minute run through. There were large monitors located throughout the area where the actual awards show was being televised.

He knew Rayna had been nominated for 2 awards. Well, one by herself, the other with that Jared Boone guy. Her husband. He couldn't imagine why she would have married someone like that. Jared seemed really full of himself and although he wasn't quite a big enough star to command a great deal of press, what he had heard around was not always favorable. He was getting a lot of press though for being part of this young country supercouple.

The band ran through Clint's number several times, once without Clint. He thought it sounded good and Clint agreed. They would be leaving a couple days after the show to head back out on the road, but he was grateful to have a few days at home. Sam was still having a difficult time with morning sickness. It was hard to even tell she was pregnant, and she'd told him the doctor scolded her for not gaining enough weight.

"How am I supposed to gain weight when I puke up everything I just ate," she said. He felt bad for her. She looked like she didn't feel well, dark circles under her eyes that she tried to cover up with makeup, and had just a general lethargy to her.

"Did he say this would go away soon?" he asked. He put his arm around her shoulder as they sat on the couch, wishing there was something he could do.

"Well, according to him it doesn't usually last past the first trimester, but here we are and I don't feel any better than I did before." She looked at him, a grim look on her face. "I'm not sure I can make myself ever do this again. Just so you know."

He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. Being on the road meant he felt more disconnected than he might have if he'd been in town all the time. He didn't feel the emotions he thought he should have felt about getting ready to be a father. Truthfully Sam didn't seem that enthusiastic either, but he thought that was more due to her morning sickness than anything else. He hoped when that was gone they'd both feel more excited and engaged. He smiled a little. "Let's just get through this one and not worry about anything else," he said finally.

She was already in bed when he'd left. She slept a lot, when she wasn't in the bathroom hanging over the toilet. It seemed like it took everything out of her to just go to work every day. She had no energy for anything else.

The band was sitting around waiting for their call, watching the monitor. The presenters came out to hand out the Vocal Event of the Year award. Clint was nominated in this category for his duet with Wynonna, so the whole band was focused on it. There were some pretty heavy hitter nominees and he was actually surprised that Rayna and Jared won. Once it was announced the rest of the band stopped paying attention, but he kept his eye on the screen, watching them get up from their seats and make their way to the stage. Rayna looked incredible in her light purple dress. Her smile lit up her face when they made it to the mic after accepting their trophies. But then Jared took up almost all the time they had to give his acceptance speech, leaving Rayna with only enough time to thank her label. He felt irritated on her behalf and wondered if what he'd seen on her face as she'd waited her turn had been her own irritation.

They were waiting for Clint to get backstage for his performance. He hoped he'd see her as she and Jared left the stage, but they were probably routed elsewhere, and he didn't get to see her again. Once they'd finished their performance there was no reason for the band to remain. While he would have liked to stay a little longer, he really needed to leave. When he got home Sam was asleep and he sat in the living room with a couple beers and turned the TV on, leaving the volume low, and got to see Rayna perform with the other Horizon nominees and then win the award. She looked amazing and he thought she deserved it. He wondered if Jared had congratulated her. He'd been nominated too – was he happy for her? He had no reason to feel proud of her but, strangely, he did.

He sighed, shaking it off. He had a wife – a pregnant wife – asleep in the bedroom. They were starting a family, making a life together. That was where his focus belonged, not on the girl he'd seen at the Bluebird Café and didn't even know. He turned off the TV and went to bed.

He was in California when he caught sight of a tabloid magazine at a convenience store checkout. What Happened to the Country Lovebirds? It had a picture of Rayna and Jared. It was not the main headline, just a thumbnail, but it had caught his attention. He hesitated and then took a copy and paid for it along with the other things he was purchasing. He stuffed it into his bag on the bus. When he pulled it out later at the hotel, he looked at the picture on the cover, the two of them singing together on stage. When he flipped to the article, it was brief and mostly contained Jared's account of things, calling her a diva who was constantly trying to trade on his celebrity. He was pretty sure it wasn't true – it was a tabloid, after all – but he thought she was probably well rid of him. He looked at the photo again, then tossed it in the trash.