Chapter Twenty Five
Tonks looked at the small white stick in her hand and took several deep breaths. They didn't help. If anything they just made it worse. The last few weeks had been rough. She'd been throwing up nearly every morning, and felt like someone had managed to steal every ounce of her energy.
She loved staying at the Malfoy Manor, it was like staying in a fairy tale, a million miles away from the small town house she'd grown up in. She'd had a glimpse of the life she might have had, in another world. A life where Andromeda had married a good pure-blood rather than running off with her wonderful true love- the muggle born.
It had been difficult to assure everyone she was fine. It seemed like every time she ran off to throw up, or fell asleep in a chair she shouldn't of someone found her and gave her a worried look, asking if she wanted to see a doctor.
She thought Remus might have grown up in a big house; she knew his father had been high up in the Ministry somewhere, and that his mother had been a full time house wife but Remus never wanted to talk about his life when he was young. She'd never even met his parents.
And now they were going to be grandparents!
Tonks took several more minutes sitting on the toilet lid thinking, her brain overwhelmed with impossible levels of joy mixed with horror at the idea of bringing a baby into a world that was so mixed up right now.
She was happy, deep down. She'd always wanted to be a mother, to have half a dozen or more rugrats running around the garden as their hair changed colour wildly. Remus had always changed the subject however. Her stomach sunk into her heavy boots at the idea of Remus not being happy about this, about the growing baby inside her.
Tonks shook her head, her hair finally settling back to its normal pink. She shoved the pregnancy test in her wardrobe where Remus wouldn't look and headed down to breakfast.
The smell of eggs and kippers overwhelmed her as she walked into the large dinning room. Thankfully Lily was the only one there and never seemed to notice when Tonks barely put anything on her plate, or at least was good enough not to point it out to her.
Tonks walked up and down the long table filled with dishes, staying warm over little tea light sized fires. A little helping of beans and two small triangles of toast were all she could face right now, hoping that she might be able to manage a little more later.
Lily was looking over that days Daily Prophet, a deep frown in between her eyes.
"More rubbish?" Tonks asked brightly.
Lily sighed and gave Tonks a very tired smile, "Their stories have more plot holes than one of Danica's."
Tonks laughed, "Where is the little horror?"
"Her and Remus had an early breakfast just after the sun came up and went for a nap, Nikka is sitting in with Danica." Lily explained, "She wouldn't sleep at all last night just kept pacing up and down in the cage. And Lucius is out 'walking the grounds' as he calls it."
"I could hear poor Danica howling through the wall last night." Tonks said, her hand creeping to her stomach, "Remus wasn't settling well either, was he?"
Lily shook her head, "Do you think you'll be up to sleeping in with them tonight? You look very pale."
"I'll be fine." Tonks told her, "Besides, you'll drop if you have to stay up for three nights in a row."
Lily gave her a sad smile, "I just wish there was more I could do help her, help them."
"Remus hated me even seeing him transform to start with, we had so many fights over it." Tonks said, letting her mind drift back, "And then when he finally got over it, I spent the whole night terrified of him, and… I even screamed when he moved towards me the first few times. I don't think it ever does get easier, we just get more used to it."
Tonks felt two large tear drops roll down her face before she could stop them.
"What's wrong?" Lily said, brushing the crumbs from her fingers. She stood up and walked quickly round the table to give Tonks a hug.
"It's nothing." Tonks said, quickly wiping her face dry.
Lily sat down in the seat next to Tonks and clasped her hands, "I really need to ask you something, and please don't feel offended…"
"What?" Tonks asked, resisting pulling her hand away.
"Are you… are you pregnant?" Lily asked, the words all rushing out at once. She'd suspected for a week or so now and had been trying to get Tonks alone to ask her; it wasn't exactly a polite thing to ask at the best of times, let alone in front of a crowd.
Tonks smiled sadly and nodded, "Yes. I just confirmed it this morning."
Lily beamed at her before forcing some calmness into her features. Tonks didn't seem completely pleased, "I must say I'm very happy for you, although you don't seem so sure. Do you know how far along you are?"
"I think I'm due end of March, beginning of April, but it's not like I can pop to the hospital any more." Tonks said, giving a very sad laugh.
Lily couldn't argue there, "Well… your mother and I should be able to get you through most of the pregnancy and the birth but I think we'll be even more in the dark than normal, and wizarding medicine isn't the best anyway when it comes to child birth." she said, wondering if that's what Tonks was struggling with.
"I'm not worried about all that, not really." Tonks told her truthfully, "Although that might just be because I'm so worried about just about everything else."
"What are you worried about?" Lily asked.
"Remus… he once said that werewolves can't have children." Tonks said quietly.
"Did you ask why?" Lily said, never having heard that werewolves couldn't have children before. She knew it was rare but there were certainly cases of it happening; as well as the one currently in front of her.
Tonks shook her head, "No. He never wanted to talk about having children."
Lily chuckled, "Well maybe it's worth having that talk now."
Tonks rolled her eyes, "Well it's too late to change it, the talk is going to have to happen. I doubt I can hide it from him for very long, especially once they start talking!"
"It'll be all right." Lily said, trying to reassure her, "Remus was so happy when Harry and Danica were born. He's going to love being a dad."
"I know. I always thought so." Tonks sighed, "And I… I don't mind, not really… but… what if it comes out and it's a wolf?"
"You're worried that the lycanthropy will be passed to the baby?" Lily said. It was something that had never even crossed her mind. It was hard enough watching Danica go through the change every month, it would be heartbreaking to watch a baby suffer that way.
Tonks nodded, hating herself for even thinking that it could be a bad thing; it wasn't fair but it was there.
"I don't think you need to worry about that right now." Lily said firmly, "If it happens it happens. The Manor has one of the biggest libraries in the country, we'll do all the research that we can. We'll even try and get you to a muggle hospital for an ultrasound scan. It was so amazing seeing Harry growing inside me, and Danica. It's worth doing even if everything is going along fine."
Tonks squeezed her hand, "Thanks Lily."
"Any time." Lily promised her, "We're all going to be here for you."
Tonks thanked her again, finished her breakfast and then set off to find Remus. He was still asleep, snoring softly all curled up in the blanket at the foot of their bed. Tonks watched him for a few minutes, feeling almost impossibly at peace considering everything that was going on.
Instead she wandered through the long corridors of Malfoy Manor and knocked on the door to her parents suite.
Lucius had changed the layout of the wing so that it was more like a house trapped inside the Manor, giving her parents privacy. Although they still normally joined them for dinner.
"Dora!" Ted beamed, "What brings you down here. Everything all right with Remus?"
Tonks laughed, "Yeah he's fine. He's still sleeping, he had a rough night."
"Oh, poor thing." Andromeda said sympathetically, "Is there anything we can do to help?"
Tonks shook her head, flopping heavily down on their velvet sofa before wondering if it was safe to throw herself around so much now. She'd never been one for being delicate; there'd never been a tree she'd not wanted to climb or a wall to balance along. All that was going to have to change now, at least for a little while.
"Tea? Coffee?" Ted asked, wondering into the kitchen.
The idea of coffee was enough to make Tonks want to throw up currently, "Tea please." she called through, her mother had always laughed of how much tea she'd drunk while she was pregnant so Tonks knew that was safe.
Andromeda seated herself neatly on the sofa opposite her daughter and picked up an embroidery hoop and continued her silk on silk work, looking like a picture from a guide on how to be a lady.
"Never did manage that." Tonks sighed, watching her mother.
"Your embroidery was always very good; you showed a lot of promise when you could be bothered to practice." Andromeda smirked.
Tonks rolled her eyes but couldn't argue. She'd always been more interested in playing outside or riding her broom than sitting and 'being a lady'.
Ted wondered back into the room and sat three matching cups and saucers on the highly polished table.
Tonks took a deep drink, trying to calm her nerves. She knew exactly what would happen, her mother would squeal and jump up to hug her, embroidery threads flying everywhere. Her father would sit there stunned, and take at least three reassurances that this was actually happening.
"Mum, Dad…." Tonks smiled, "I'm pregnant."
Her father squealed loudly and far more high pitched than Tonks knew he was capable of, jumping up to hug her while Andromeda sat there looking stunned, her hand still holding the gold plated needle in mid air.
Tonks laughed, hugging her father tightly, "I could of sworn you'd be the one to freeze up."
"Are you kidding?" Ted laughed, tears streaming down his face, "I'm going to be a Grandpa!"
Tonks nodded, tears streaming down her face as well.
"You're sure?" Andromeda asked, finally lowering the needle.
Tonks wiped her face with her sleeve, causing her mother to roll her eyes and hand her a handkerchief.
"Yeah I'm sure." Tonks smiled, "I took the test this morning, in our guest room's bathroom so Remus wouldn't worry why I was taking so long." she laughed.
Andromeda took a deep breath and hugged her daughter tightly, "I… can't believe it. I'm most happy for you."
"It came as a bit of a shock." Tonks admitted, "I'm just riding it out at the moment, I don't know what to feel."
"I know that feeling." Andromeda laughed, "But you have a lot of people here for you."
Tonks nodded, "I know."
"How did Remus react when you told him?" Ted asked.
"I've not had the chance." Tonks sighed, "I didn't want to wake him. Lily knows, and you two, of course but no one else."
Andromeda frowned, trying desperately to keep her smile in place, "Will Remus's… condition, have any effect?"
Tonks shrugged, "Honestly we have no idea. Lily said we'll research and even suggested going to a muggle hospital getting something called an 'ultrasound scan'. I don't know exactly how it works but she said I could see the baby inside me, which sounds amazing."
"Well! Wouldn't that would be something?" Andromeda exclaimed, "Do you think they could even tell if it was a boy or a girl?"
Tonks shrugged, "I really don't know."
"I'm so happy for you." Ted beamed, "We both are."
"Yes. We really are." Andromeda said, still clutching at her daughter's hand, "You should go and tell Remus. He'll be awake by now I'd have thought."
Tonks hugged them tightly, "Thank you so much."
"What for, dear?" Andromeda asked.
"Just being you." Tonks grinned.
Remus was just waking up when Tonks walked into their large master bedroom. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, he always looked very young waking up.
"Did you manage to get some sleep?" Tonks asked, cuddling up with him on the bed, feeling his rough, stubbly cheek against her forehead.
Remus wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly, "A little bit. Certainly feeling better now anyway. Is it to late for lunch?"
Tonks shook her head, "Nope, should have half an hour or so."
Remus breathed in her scent deeply, letting it calm him, "Where were you this morning? I was hoping for snuggles before going to sleep."
Tonks laughed, "Oh please you're always asleep the second you hit the bed after a bad night."
Remus gave her an extra tight squeeze, "Meanie."
"But you love me." Tonks grinned.
"I will always love you. So where were you?" Remus asked again, "You're not known for early mornings."
Tonks's grin widened, "Well… I actually made sure I was up and about early this morning. I had something very important to do." she said, sitting up so she could face Remus, clutching at his hands.
Remus frowned slightly, "A good something important? Or…"
Tonks couldn't stop smiling, her hair starting to quickly change colours, "I think so, but I also suspect it's going to worry you a little."
"You're worrying me now." Remus said, trying not to let his voice sound strained.
Tonks laughed, "Sorry. Here goes… Remus… I'm pregnant."
Remus looked at her blankly, struggling to process what she'd just said, "You mean… with a baby?"
Tonks let out another laugh, "Yes! With a baby! What else would I be pregnant with?"
"Wow." Remus said.
"I know you never really wanted to talk about it." Tonks said, her bright hair fading, "But either way this is happening. And it is yours… I know you said werewolves couldn't have children but I've not been unfaithful, I promise-"
"I'm happy." Remus said quickly, "Really I am."
"You don't sound very happy." Tonks whispered, pulling at the very expensive sheets on the bed with her fingers.
"I am." Remus promised her, "I… I was changed too young to really have time to dream of family and all that, I just never thought it was going to happen. I hoped, though, I'd have someone who would take me and that it would be… irresponsible if I did. I should of told you werewolves could technically have children."
Tonks took his hands in hers, "You're forgiven. And I know you're childhood was… But you having a family has happened. First with me, and then this little one and you never know, we could have a hundred more!"
"I draw the line at five." Remus snorted a laugh, "Five all together, not five more."
Tonks grinned, her hair flashing back to pink, "We'll get through whatever this baby brings us because I know that it'll bring us happiness more than anything else."
"Dora…" Remus sighed, "What if it's like me?"
"What if it's like Danica you mean?" Tonks said, more firmly than she'd meant to, "It'll still be half human, closer to Danica than you. Are you going to go and tell that little girl she can't live her life the way she wants to?"
"I didn't mean it like that." Remus said quickly, "And of course she can, of course this one can. But life is going to be hard for her, there's no point pretending otherwise."
Tonks nodded, smoothing down Remus's scruffy hair, "I know. So we'll fight hard to make the fight less hard for them."
Remus smiled and burst into tears, "I'm going to be a Dad!"