The Curious and Unique Case of Bella Swan (Prologue)

At first I thought that my parents divorce was the worst that life had to offer me. It uprooted me from my life and my best friend.

I'd thought James attacking me was the worst life had to offer me. That was until Edward left after my disaster of an 18th birthday a few months later. Enduring his absence had to be the worst, right? But I had people to ensure that I wasn't alone. So maybe it wasn't that.

Maybe it was seeing Edward be tortured and nearly right before my very eyes. It had to be that, right? But I finally had him back in my arms with the promise - and the threat - of forever.

Maybe it was the constant back and forth with Jacob, my best friend, the man that I also loved so much that it scared me. Maybe it was seeing Jacob Black's devastated face after finding out Edward and I were getting married. Maybe it was seeing him be crushed and maimed, after seeing the potential future I could have through our kiss on the mountain. Maybe it was knowing that as much as I wanted that future, I could never have it. Maybe it was coming to see Jake after the battle, after the Volturi showed up to remind me of the promise I'd made. Maybe it was me showing up to Jacob's house that night with his pack gathered outside of his house, knowing what I had come there to do. Maybe it was seeing Jake in his childhood room, lying broken and bruised in that tiny twin sized bed of his waiting for me to come and break him again.

Surely nothing was worse than that?

Maybe it was my best friend running away because of the pain I'd caused him. Maybe it was the planning for a wedding that I didn't even want while my Jacob was gone. Maybe it was seeing my father desperately search for the boy he thought of as a son while simultaneously trying to put on the brave face in the weeks leading up to my "Big Day".

Maybe it was reluctantly saying 'I do' while I worried about Jacob. While I secretly wished and imagined that it was him standing before me at the alter. In that moment I was grateful that my thoughts were my own.

Maybe it was being reminded of the life that I'd never have when Jacob showed up at the reception. Maybe it was seeing the hurt on Jacob's face as he realized the next time he saw me, I would no longer be his Bells. Hearing his pained howls as Edward and I left the reception to go on our honeymoon.

Surely life had dealt me its worse hand. Trapped in a promise of forever with the man I thought I loved more than life itself. All with the threat of death looming over the heads of everyone I love.

All for a man who wouldn't even touch me more than once.

Maybe it was finding out I was pregnant and being terrified of the thing that was growing inside me. Maybe it was slowly becoming more and more attached to the life growing inside me while something in the back of my head screamed that this wasn't right.

Maybe it was seeing the man that I wanted but couldn't have come to me again. Maybe it was seeing Jacob stubbornly hold on to the hope that I would pull through as my belly grew bigger but my body grew weaker and frailer with every passing minute.

The physical pain I felt when my baby began to tear its way out of my body was second to only the searing pain that ripped through my veins when James bit me.

Despite my fear, I did love my baby. I was excited to see them. So excited that I saved my last breath to see them.

It was then that I knew. The devastated look in Rosalie's eyes as tearless sobs wracked through her body. Edward's indifferent expression when looking on his own child. The pity in Jacob's eyes as he looked to my broken body. The deafening silence as my baby didn't cry, squirm or move in Rosalie's arms.

The news that my baby who had a strong and fluttering heart beat throughout my frighteningly rapid pregnancy. The baby that had kicked, bruised, and drained me from the inside out hadn't even taken its first breath.

This was the worst that life had to offer me. I'm sure of it

Losing my child. I didn't even get to hold them and I knew, right before everything went black, that I never would.

I heard and felt the Cullens moving around me for what felt like weeks. I felt them clean my wounds and change my clothes. I heard them talking around me. About the child lost and what to tell me. And, surprisingly I heard Jacob. I didn't hear much of what he said because the pain the venom caused was all I could focus on. Jacob's soothing voice made the pain just a little bit bearable.

More than anything I felt the venom. It dragged fire through my veins.

I'd remembered what the Cullen's said about their lives before they changed. How they could barely remember anything from their human lives.

I could endure this pain if it meant I would never have to endure the memories of the pain and destruction I caused and life lost.