Note: Retro Mania requested the idea of a Dungeons and Dragons/Narnia crossover. Technically, these stories shouldn't mix, because Dungeons and Dragons characters are teenagers, and only children are supposed to go to Narnia, when you get older you're supposed to mature and know Aslan by a different name. But it's not every day that I get asked to write a Narnia story, so...
[0000]
We stood at the summit of a small mountain overlooking a forest of pine and cedar trees. No visible sign of civilization save for a thin column of smoke somewhere in the distance. The hot sun beat down upon our necks, but we had no water. Everyone felt miserable. Even our orange maned pet unicorn flopped exhausted on the rocks, panting for water.
Up there, the air felt thin, the vegetation grew scrubby. Yes, I suppose we had crisp clean air, but after being trapped in this magical limbo for over a year, we could have killed for some familiar pollution.
Still hot, despite the elevation.
Not great weather for a green wizard's robe, but in this world department stores did not exist, and my outfit had magical properties. I used a billowing sleeve to wipe sweat from my glasses.
Hank, our leader, clad in leather armor, a long sleeved green shirt and matching tights, didn't look too comfortable either. He brushed aside his dripping blonde hair as he scowled at a scroll.
He motioned me over. "Any idea what this says?"
An old map. I could barely tell where our mountain stood. I squinted at the markings he indicated on the vellum. The squiggly characters did look familiar, but..."Sorry, my Hobgoblin is a bit rusty...It looks like it might say `Island' or `Aslan.'"
Hank frowned. "I don't see any islands down there. What's an Aslan?"
"You mean you don't know?" I laughed at his blank expression. "It's a character in The Chronicles of Narnia. He's a magical lion. Wow, to think if he really exists...!"
He prompted me to explain the book series. Being parched, I only gave a brief summary.
"Oh great. More sissy talking animals!" A figure in a yellow tunic and chain mail kicked a rock off the side. "Gag me with a spoon!"
Our unicorn bleated, as if offended by his comment.
The dark haired teen only stuck out his tongue at the unicorn and kicked another rock.
The unicorn also stuck out its tongue.
Clunk! The rock bounced off something metal.
"Hey! Watch where you're throwing those, Eric! You just hit me in the head!"
After hiking and climbing rocks for the last hour, most of my companions wanted to rest and take it easy, but a couple had enough energy to scout the area for hazards, possible food and water.
I leaned over the edge. A freckly blonde kid in a Viking helmet scowled up at me, hands at the sides of his leather armor. "Sorry, Bobby! I'll tell Eric to be more careful!"
"Waaah!" the unicorn bleated.
"You said it, Uni!"
"So you think it's definitely Aslan?" Hank asked me.
I frowned. "Ummm...I don't know how else those symbols could make sense, except as `Island.' Of course, their language doesn't use any vowels, but I still don't know of any other words that resemble that."
"It does fit the poem Dungeon Master told us. `Beyond the mystic crater Lake, an icy mountain pass you'll take, then down the mountain cliffs you'll go, until you reach the lion's land below.'"
Our bald little mentor always gave cryptic directions like this before disappearing for days at a time. Only when we solved the riddle would he reappear in his red robe, giving us another puzzle. We always hoped these challenges would uncover something that could take us home, but they rarely did.
"If we really do meet Aslan, he'll surely be able to take us home! All we'd have to do is find a lampstand or something, and we could enter our world through a wardrobe!"
Eric didn't buy it. "Knowing our luck, even if we do find a magic doorway like that, something will eventually happen to screw it all up."
"If you're going to be that way, why even bother coming with us?"
"For the off chance I might be wrong...Which, incidentally, I doubt."
"I think you just enjoy saying `I told you so.'"
"Well..." He didn't deny it.
A redhead in a purple tunic sat on the edge of the rock shelf, fanning her freckled face. "You see any water on that map? I'm dying!"
Hank turned the map sideways. "Maybe, but it seems to be a good mile or so away from us. Sorry, Sheila."
She removed one of her above-the-knee boots, shaking gravel out of it.
A grunt, then scuffing sounds. Small brown hands appeared at the edge of a boulder. A mocha skinned girl with dark curly hair climbed up top, the blinding sun glinting off her gold armbands.
The girl rose to her feet, brushing dirt from her bikini-like two piece loincloth. With the exception of Diana's scant tunic, only she and Bobby wore anything resembling shorts, but fuzzy breechcloths probably still added unwanted warmth. She adjusted the position of her retractable vaulting pole in her gold belt. "Found a way down. It's kinda steep, but safe. No monsters."
Diana. I smiled and gave her a bashful wave.
Diana just rolled her eyes. Everyone knew I liked her, which made my awkward social fumbling a little stupid. "Sorry, no water yet. I tried chewing some of the plants, but they're bitter. I wouldn't recommend it." She batted her eyes at me. "Presto, you think you can conjure some water up for us?"
I swallowed. I'd been traveling around with a magic wizard's cap for a few years, but I'd never fully mastered the art of using it. Plus, she asked me to do it, so there's that fear of failure..."Uh...sure! Can't make any promises, but..."
I reached into my hat, racking my brain for a good conjuring poem. "Uh..."
"Don't say `Something Wet,'" Eric blurted. I opened my mouth, but he cut me off again. "And don't just say `Water,' because we need a container of some kind. Oh, and no `Spring,' either. We can't drink a Slinky. Or `Ice' for that matter. We'll probably have to thaw out a glacier."
I narrowed my eyes at him. I suspected criticism like that actually hampered my magical abilities. "We're dying of thirst on top of this mountain, Magic Hat, give us a water fountain."
My hat shook violently, and out popped this giant school water fountain. Of course it didn't have electricity or pipes connected to anything. Still don't know how something that large can fit inside my tiny cap and not make it weigh like a thousand pounds.
"Oh great job, genius! I knew it would be something dumb like that! Guess I should be glad you didn't say `Drinking Fountain' and have some sort of alcoholic—"
"Eric, you're not helping!"
Diana looked mildly irritated at me, but I still felt grateful to have her speaking in my defense.
"It's your fault for even asking him to do anything with that hat. You know he's a nincompoop!"
Her eyes got wild, gold tiara on her head threatening to fly off. "Yeah? That nincompoop has saved our lives with that hat on numerous occasions!"
"Lucky breaks do—"
"Guys," Hank barked. "Could you quit it? Let's just...go down and see if we can find water somewhere." He picked up his magic bow, slinging it over his shoulder.
Eric grudgingly agreed.
Bobby picked up his large magical club, Eric his heavy shield, and Sheila her all-too-warm invisibility cape. Although sick of carrying them, we all knew the need.
We set off down the side of the mountain.
"Thank you," I muttered to Diana. "Sorry I couldn't—"
"Shoot, no one's blaming you, just keep trying. Maybe you'll work it out."
We came to a steep grade. Our unicorn had no problem with it whatsoever. Sheila, with those extra long boots, kinda surfed her way down on her knees. Likewise, Hank and Bobby had good traction with their footwear, keeping upright, scuttling down sideways.
Soled in my wizard shoes, I lost my footing a couple times, but Diana stomped her boots into the dirt and caught me. "Hope you're not doing this on purpose."
I blushed. "N-no. I, I'm not that clever, or should I say sneaky—"
She abruptly jumped sideways. Eric had mis-stepped and slid down the gravel. Another couple feet and he'd be flying off the side of the mountain.
Diana grabbed him by the tunic, dragging him back to safety. "Careful! Stagger your feet?"
"Gee, what do you think I was doing?" Eric snapped.
Diana answered with an inarticulate growl.
"I was doing okay until I grabbed that stupid tree root."
We hit the bottom, marching down a winding trail. The plants grew thicker, stronger looking.
Sheila stared at the foliage. "Which ones did you say were bitter? I'm desperate enough to try anything."
Diana handed her some plant leaves. Sheila tried one and spat it out.
"I warned you."
Uni, though, nibbled several. Although at times the unicorn behaved like a petulant child, right now she grazed on the plants without complaint.
I attempted conjuring water again. I instead got a framed `picture of water,' an empty plastic bottle, and an empty canteen. We held onto the containers in hopes of filling them with actual water.
The cedars and pines grew taller now. No water yet.
The foliage thinned out some as we reached a clearing. Up ahead, we found dozens of immense wooden huts, each covered with all kinds of fruits and vegetables. Music and the delightful smells of food filled the air.
"Doesn't seem like a bad place," Diana remarked, plucking an oversized orange from one of the huts.
"Uh, Diana," I stammered. "You think you should be doing that?"
Uni bleated and chomped on a ground level cucumber.
Diana sucked juice out of the orange, scarcely bothering to peel it first. "Hey, if anyone has a problem with it, we'll just volunteer to work for our food, like usual."
Eric grabbed an orange too. "I don't know about that, but if someone wants to kill us over this, it's better than dying from thirst!"
Agreeing with the sentiment, I took one too. Bobby set his club down, snatching a cluster of grapes.
"Sheila!" Hank cried.
Still exhausted and parched, none of us had noticed right away when she'd lagged behind. We saw now that she'd passed out - heat stroke, heat exhaustion, one of those things.
As I ran to check on her, a giant creature marched out of the hut.
Body of a grizzly bear, head of an oversized rat. A pink tail dragged behind it, thick as a boa constrictor.
What was it, a...Rat-Bear? Never seen one before, and we'd seen a lot.
The giant rodent stomped up to us, took one look at Sheila, and threw her over its shoulders.
"Hey!" Hank shouted, raising his magic bow.
With a deafening squeak, the Rat-Bear knocked Hank's bow from his hands and stuffed him under its arm like an umbrella.
Diana drew her vaulting pole from her bikini, magically extended it to full length, and swung.
The Rat-Bear smacked the pole, but had to drop Hank to do so. It let out a loud, growly squeak, and a gray colored Rat-Bear stomped out of a different hut, grabbing Diana. The brown one picked up Hank once more.
Bobby swung his glowing war club at the creature's shin, but it kicked him out of the way, then a third Rat-Bear appeared, grabbing him and me. Uni butted the Rat-Bear, bleating angrily, but the monster just gave the unicorn a scolding growl and she backed off.
Eric, being Eric, made a hasty retreat.
We struggled and shouted, but to no avail. The giant monsters just clutched us tighter, uttering strings of noises at us as they toted us through their hut village like a bunch of children's dolls.
After a very brief walk, all three Rat-Bears stopped at the edge of the clearing, depositing us before a gigantic glowing lion.
The great feline, larger than a semi trailer, padded up to us with a menacing growl that shook us all to the bone.
Hank crept to his feet, reaching for his bow. He frowned when he noticed it missing. "Presto, if this is Aslan, he doesn't seem as warm and friendly as you described."