I DO NOT OWN PJO, IT BELONGS TO UNCLE RICK

THEMES OF DEPRESSION, SELF HARM, ABUSE, DEATH, AND ANXIETY ARE EXPRESSED THROUGHOUT THIS STORY. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY ANY OF THESE THINGS, DO NOT READ THE STORY

Hey guys, so this fic may be triggering for some. The self harm/abuse/similar scenes will be in bold or italicised. Feel free to skip them if you need to. Enjoy, and stay safe besties!

Leo did not sleep well that night.

In his defence, he did try. Normally, he didn't sleep at all. But tonight he decided to try. It did not go well.

It was rare for a demigod to sleep well either way, but today, his godly parentage had nothing to do with it.

He was plagued with nightmares about his former foster homes, in particular the foster home of Miss Teresa.

She had been terrible. On the outside, she was a Barbie. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pink lipsticky smile. She was a picture perfect foster mother.

Until his social worker left. Then, she was hell. In high heels.

She had snapped at him straight away to bring her some wine, and when Leo didn't immediately obey, she screamed at him. Since it was his first day in the house, she let him off. But any small mistake he made over then next 8 months would be severely punished.

Until he ran away. Something happened, and he finally didn't care if she killed him, so he ran, and he didn't look back.

Of course, it wasn't long before he was caught and taken to a different foster home, but they at least had been a bit better than Miss Teresa.

A bit.

So, Leo did try. He slept for a full 68 minutes (which to be fair, was pretty good for him), before he was woken by nightmares which forced him to bite back a scream.

Fortunately, he had made the walls of his cabin soundproof. His excuse for this when building the Argo ll was "But Nyssa, what if I'm making something and it wakes up the others? Do you want sleep-deprived demigods saving the world? Do you?"

Still, he did his best to bite back the loud, heaving sobs just in case. It didn't work.

Of course it wouldn't work, you idiot, when is your best ever enough?

Leo squeezed his eyes tightly shut, and a couple tears escaped. He changed out of his pjs, and wiped away his tears before stepping out of his cabin for some fresh air.

He stepped out on deck, and scanned the landscape before him. They had been forced to stop for the night, and they had perched on top of a hill for good view of any attacks from all directions.

He took several deep breaths, but it still wasn't enough to calm his racing heart, so he decided to do something which was both risky and worth it.

He started climbing the mast, gripping the small grooves in the wood tightly as he pulled himself up to the horizontal beam at the top.

He sat on the beam, and swung his legs as he stared out at the sparkles of silver in velvet sky.

As he looked down at the distance between himself and the deck, he couldn't say he didn't consider it. Slipping off the beam, plunging through the air, dying on impact. But he couldn't let his friends wake up to his dead body.

He stared out at the landscape, and let a few tears fall. Gods, he missed her so much.

He thought he would never stop feeling so guilty. And he should- it was his fault. His fault that Lexi was dead, that he would never see her again.

He pushed the thought out of his mind, and wiped his tears away. His eyes were probably red, but who cares at this point?

He appreciated the Algerian countryside, smiling as he watched the winds blow. Even in the middle of the night, when it was pitch black, it was still very warm.

Although the sky wasn't black like it normally was at this hour, Leo realised. It was blue. Deep blue.

That was his first mistake.

As soon as he realised this, he began to hyperventilate. The deep blue suddenly changed to a pair of eyes the exact same shade, the stars becoming the sparkles of life in them.

And just as he realised this, the lights dulled as the life in her eyes vanished, and her lifeless eyes stared straight at him.

His breathing quickened even further, and he scrambled to get down.

Unfortunately, the Fates seemed to be against him tonight. He slipped and fell, and suddenly he was freefalling through the air.

Well, at least he knew what to do in this situation.

He did a somersault in the air, almost lazily, and landed feet first, before rolling once and standing up again, pleased with himself.

It wasn't perfect though, because you're a failure and you can't do anything right

He started walking towards his cabin again, before freezing.

Mistake number two. Not checking that everyone was asleep.

Percy was staring at him with wide eyes, sporting blue pyjamas and a bed head.

"Bro," he said in shock. "How did you do that?"

Leo cursed silently. His hands shook, as he did his best to repress the rising wave of panic in him.

"Do what?" he asked quickly.

Percy looked at him like he was stupid. "Um, all that," he said, as if it was obvious.

"Oh, that," Leo said, as if he only just realised what Percy was talking about. "That wasn't that good."

Percy stared at him. "You just fell off a high beam, did a perfect flip, and somehow managed to not die. How is that not impressive?"

"Eh," Leo said dismissively. "I got to go, I was working on something."

"Hey, why were you up there on the first place?" Percy asked.

Leo froze. "Oh ya know, just appreciating the view!"

Percy squinted. "Are your eyes red?"

"Ok, I really have to go man. That invention can't be left alone too long. See ya in the morning."

Leo slipped past him before he could say anything. He slammed his cabin door shut, and leaned his head against it.

"Well, shit," he whispered.