A/N: Thank you for checking out my Family Guy fanfic, Between Sanity and Madness! Before I start, it's best to explain the history behind this story starring the infamous Francis Griffin and his wife Thelma. More of the question of "Why would you make a fanfiction about Francis Griffin?" Now, Francis is not a particular "fan favorite" (Hell, I don't even think he's top 200 material) in the show's fanbase, I'm sure we can all agree on that. And for my end, I really did not like Francis in the original show that much, like at all. So when I found a Family Guy Fanon Wiki, which I'm an admin for, I made this episode on the site as a way to try to "redeem" him, as I did see soft spots and potential in him. Long story short, after becoming an admin, giving him more stories and all sorts of weird adventures in the show, I went back to that episode I wrote and thought "why not make it into a fanfic?" So, I did.
Before you start reading read the story, I want to let you know about some of the biggest changes I will make in comparison to the original series:
#1: This story does not take place in the OG Family Guy timeline, but instead the Family Guy Fanon timeline. As such, events were changed and episode orders were changed. If you want to know the episode's placement, you can visit the List of Episodes page on the Family Guy Fanon (it's a mere search away), but for the basics, this episode takes place in Season 2, meaning Peter works at the toy factory, Francis and Thelma are together, and in the FGFCU (Family Guy Fanon Cinematic Universe) would've aired on January 4th, 2000.
#2: Francis' (and to a lesser extent, Thelma's) personality will be completely changed. I believe Francis could've worked with a more updated personality, so expect him to have a much-needed improvement. In both having his own comedy and having a more sense of humanity. Also, since Francis and Thelma will be seen together - something never shown in the OG show - in this fanfic, so I took some liberties for their relationship and made them have this more sickening sweetheart relationship (think Cosmo and Wanda from The Fairly OddParents Oh Yeah! shorts) so that's something to look out for.
#3: This is a more personal note for the fanfiction, but it will be significantly darker than the show. Not like in terms of gore, or violence, but darker in terms of tone and character. Expect a lot less comedy and the character's emotions being taken more seriously than would be seen in Family Guy. A big problem with the original show I have is that it seems to value comedy over characters. And while it's fine in small doses, since it's a goofy comedy made to give laughs. But when you compare the three-dimensional depth in characters of The Simpsons to the more two/one-dimensional depth of even the main characters of Family Guy - a show that's TEN YEARS YOUNGER than Simpsons, it's just inexcusable. So expect some character exploration in Peter, Francis and Thelma. On the same note, expect call-backs from past episodes, mostly "Holy Crap!".
With this said, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
Disclaimer: I don't own Family Guy; all characters and locations are owned by 20th Century Television, Fuzzy Door Productions and the Walt Disney Company.
Without further ado, let us begin…
Family Guy
Season 2, Episode 17
Between Sanity and Madness
Opening Credits
Lois: It seems today, that all ya see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV.
Peter: But where are those good, old-fashioned values?
Entire Family: On which we used to rely?
Lucky there's a Family Guy
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us
Stewie: Laugh and cry!
Lois: He's ...
Meg: a ...
Chris: Fam ...
Brian: ily
All: Guuuuuuyyyyy!
End
[At the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory, Peter was dancing his way out of his workplace as the safety inspector while humming a little song to himself to head to the main lodge to clock out, excited to head home]
Peter: Finally, I made it to my three day weekend where I can do nothing but relax at home, especially with my loving couch.
[Peter looks at the picture of his couch in a seduceive manner, when Mr. Weed walked in.]
Mr. Weed: [taps Peter's shoulder] Peter?
Peter: [shocked] I WASN'T SLEEPING ON THE JOB AGAIN!
Mr. Weed: Peter, I was just going to tell you that before you leave, someone left you a message in your answering machine.
Peter: Really? How did I miss that, I'm so good at getting them.
Cutaway #1
[Flashbacks to that morning, with Peter listening to a Walkman while he works while his phone rings, and him not hearing it. An employee comes up to him at taps him on the shoulder]
Employee: Uh, Mr. Griffin, your phone's going off.
Peter: I know, this is a great way to power through work!
End
[Peter heads to his answering machine with a cup of coffee, and hit the play button]
Machine: You have one new message [beep]
Francis: [from voice message] Hey ya Fat Stinkin' Drunk! Guess who?!
Peter: [spits coffee] Fpfff! Dad?!
Francis: [from voice message] Yeah, it's me, your father Francis. I just wanted to call to tell you that I'm coming over to your house for a visit this afternoon. And guess who I'm bring along with me!
Thelma: [from voice message] Hi, Petey!
Peter: M-M-Mom?!
Francis: [from voice message] Except us to be around at 3 PM. See you there!
[Peter quickly looks at his watch, which reads 2:45 PM]
Peter: No! No, no, no, NOOOOOOO!
[In a panic, Peter runs out of the office, with it showing some coworkers of Peter talking about what they'll do for the weekend]
Co-Workers (Walla): I'll catch the football game, hang with my kids, see an art show, -
[Peter pushes past the coworkers in his rush]
Johnson: Hey!
Sarah: Watch it!
Peter: [very fast] Sorryinarushparentscoming!
[He makes his way out the company building and gets into his car to drive home in a hurry to the Griffin household. Around the time, Lois, Brian and Meg are watching T.V., when Chris comes in, home much later than usual]
Lois: Chris, there you are! Where have you been?
Chris: I had to go to Principal Sloan's office and serve detention 'cause I asked an... as Mr. Sloan says "a not safe for school question".
Cutaway #2
[In Chris' middle school, Buddy Cianci Junior High School, Chris walks up to his English teacher Mrs. Lockhart]
Chris: Excuse me, Mrs. Lockhart?
Mrs. Lockhart: Yes, Chris?
Chris: When will you be getting your first period?
[Lockhart opens her eyes in shock and smash cuts to Chris in Principal Sloan's office]
Principal Sloan: So Chris, care to explain yourself?
Chris: Yes. Are you having periods, yourself?
[Principal Sloan facepalms into his desk, grumbling annoyed]
End
[Peter then comes serves into the front yard, not even bothering to park, and exits]
Lois: Peter, what the hell! I just fixed that lawn!
Peter: Lois, we got bigger issues right now! We got a code Red!
[The Griffins gasp]
Chris: A code red? That means Grampa and Gramma are coming!
Lois: Peter, you-you're kidding right?
Peter: No! They send me a message to at work alerting me they're coming at 4!
Meg: What?!
Brian: Oh, God no!
Peter: Quick, everyone! Pack immediately! Into the car!
[The five Griffins then hurryingly pack some essentials in some quick bags or suitcases, not truly thinking much. When Peter looks at the nearby clock again at the mad pack, he notices the time's almost 4 o' clock]
Peter: They're almost here! Move it!
[The Griffins rush downstairs with their bags and, without much looking, get into the car]
Brian: STEP ON IT!
[Peter rams the gas petal and quickly drives the car off, just as the taxicab Francis and Thelma are in drives up to the house and the two exit out and get their suitcases out from the trunk]
Francis: Thank you, Paul. Great seeing you again!
Thelma: We pray your relationship with you wife goes well... [after the cab leaves] They're so not going to make it. It's going to crash and burn.
Francis: Oh, snap! Shots fired, shot fired!
[The two head to the door while laughing and Thelma rings the doorbell]
Thelma: Petey, break out the drinks and party games! Guess who's came for a surprise visit.
[After a small moment, they get no reply]
Thelma: Do you think they're even home, Fran Fran?
Francis: Pookie, the lights are on and the TV's playing. I think those fools are playin' the ol' "not home right now" trick. [begins to bang his foot on the door] OPEN UP, PETER! LET US IN! WE KNOW YOU GUYS ARE IN THERE!
[As he continued to bang on the door, eventually trying to pry it open by slamming into it, it cuts to Peter looking back to see if they were being followed]
Peter: Phew, I think we got out before they saw us. And the best part is we're all together.
Lois: Uh, Peter?
[Lois' concern leads Peter to look in the back of the car, to see Stewie's booster seat empty]
Peter: Uh oh.
[Back at the Griffin House, Stewie, who was accidently left behind during the rush, was upstairs going over a notepad with Rupert]
Stewie: Now Rupert, it's come to my attention that none of my plans to kill that vile women have worked. So, with the new millennium, I thought we should make some new ways to kill her. Now some ways I've come up with include: the knife slingshot, smothering her in the fat man's stained underwear and Netflixing "Will Grace". What'ya think?
[Rupert, of course, sits by itself]
Stewie: Yeah, too much like last year.
[A loud bang from downstairs is made, catching Stewie off-guard]
Stewie: What the devil was that?
[The bang was done by Francis, who failed to open the door and was now on the ground clutching his right arm the same way Peter does when he hurts his knee, deeply inhaling with a great hissing sound and following with an "Aaahh"]
Francis: I think a dislocated a bone. [pulls on his arm to snap it back into place] Okay. Maybe they're not home.
[Francis leans on the door to catch his breath, only for it to open and him fall onto the carpet]
Francis: [weakly] And maybe the Fat Drunk left the door open.
Thelma: [helps Francis up and widens the door] A shut door isn't always a locked door, sweetie. Petey? Anyone home?
[Upstairs, Stewie sneak with Rupert in his right arm]
Stewie: My, it seems some unwelcome company. Seems like a desperate time to pull out the big guns.
[Stewie takes off Rupert's to reveal a gun's inside the teddy bear, and runs downstairs to take care of the "intruders", as Francis and Thelma head to the dining area to see nobody there]
Francis: Huh. I guess the drunk and his family's not home.
[A gun click sound from Stewie's gun alarms the two elders]
Stewie: PUT YOUR HANDS UP!
Thelma: [begins to turn around] Now look whoever you are, I'm sure we can-
Stewie: TURN AROUND AND I SHOOT YOUR ASS!
Thelma: [turns back around] Never mind.
Francis: Wait a minute... I know that voice.
[Francis turns around to see Stewie]
Francis: Stewie?
[Seeing Francis' face causes Stewie to widen, as he begins to remember Francis and drops his original anger to run to Francis' legs to hug him]
Stewie: Grandpa!
[Francis scoops up Stewie and holds the baby in his arms]
Francis: Stewie! There's my favorite grandson.
Thelma: You know him?
Francis: Ah, yeah right, forgot about him on the way. Thelma, this is Stewie. And Stewie, this is your grandmother and my loving wife Thelma.
Stewie: I'll say, this is the fat man's mother? Not too bad, honestly. Frankly, I'd thought she'd be a female version of him.
Thelma: Franny, I think Petey and his family left the poor boy in their rush.
Francis: Well, I did bring a Catholic board game for Stewie with me. Maybe we can pass some time play some time, whatya say, Stewie?
Stewie: Please, any board game's got to be better than the last game I played Chutes and Ladders.
Cutaway #3
[Stewie was played Chutes and Ladders with Peter, with him taking his turn in the game]
Peter: Okay, Stewie. You're turn.
[A small beat of Stewie looking at the board]
Stewie: Are you proud of yourself, Fat Man? Is this really the life you wanted? Playing a preschool game that I'm not even into?
End
[The Griffins arrive back at home and begin to frantically search for Stewie through the bottom floor, calling out for Stewie, that's until Chris comes from downstairs]
Chris: Uh, Mom, Dad, I got good news and bad news. Which one do you wanna first?
Lois: What's the good news?
Chris: Stewie's safe. He's in his room.
Peter: Oh, thank God. But what's the bad news?
Chris: Well, Grampa and Gramma found him first.
Lois: Damn it!
[Upstairs, the Griffins peak into Stewie's room to Francis and Thelma playing a Catholic board game with Stewie, with Francis drawing a card]
Francis: Alright! Select a non-Catholic religion to kill! You're pick, Stu!
Stewie: Ooh, ooh! Scientology! That religion is just begging to be mercy killed.
Peter: [pushing Lois inside] Lois, how you go in there and greet them?
Lois: What? Peter, they're your parents, you should go in there!
Peter: No way I'm going in. The moment I walk in that door, I'm gonna have to pull the same smile of hope I have for them. And its weaking slightly with each and every visit.
Lois: Peter, I'm not greeting them. I hate them and they hate me.
Peter: Fine! Brian, you go in and greet them.
Brian: Well I don't have to because I have [pulls out a coupon and hands it to Peter] this get out of Peter scheme card you gave me last week.
Peter: [sigh] I knew I should have checked if that ramp was sturdy before I did that. Alright Meg, you go greet them.
Meg: Wha? Dad, I don't wanna talk to Grandpa and Grandma. Grandpa mistook me for a boy and thought I was gay when I talked about Kevin to him and had a Christian meltdown! If that's how he's going to act to me mentioning him, there's no doubt he'll ruin my chances to get Kevin as my boyfriend.
Chris: Oh please, Meg. The chances of you becoming Kevin's girlfriend are about as likely as Dad getting Grampa and Gramma to love him. Basically unlikely.
Peter and Meg: Hey!
Lois: Well Peter, he's kind of has a point.
Peter: I guess we now know who's going in to greet them now. [pushes Chris in] You, Chris.
Chris: [shoves Peter away] Now way, Dad! Grampa sucks!
[The father and son begin to fight like siblings, pushing and shoving the other until Peter shoves Chris good enough to get in Stewie's room, but Chris at the last moment grabs Peter's shirt to drag him down with him. Who, in response, grabs Lois, who grabs Meg, who grabs Brian and leads to the whole family collapsing to the carpet, which gets the attention of the elders and Stewie]
Francis: Well, well. My fat stinkin' drunken' son finally came out of hiding and greeted his parents.
Peter: [through a fake smile] Hey Mom and Dad! It's ... so freakin' sweet to see you too.
Francis: Oh and look, Thelms. He brought his masturbator son with him.
Chris: I was pooping!
Francis: I know you're doing it, and it's a sin!
Peter: [trying to defuse tension] I... ye, uh, hey Mom, uh, here's my family.
Thelma: So, this is the family your father told me about, Petey? I thought he was exaggerating by yikes, this is a disappointment.
Peter: [fake laughs] Uh, this is my daughter, Meg.
Thelma: Wait, Meg's a girl? I thought was a boy for a minute! [laughs] Though I guess "Meg" can be a unisex name. I once knew a woman named Noah.
Meg: [sarcastic] Love you too, Grandma.
Peter: This is Brian.
Brian: [smells her] You smell like parental neglect and crushed childhoods.
Thelma: Who asked for your opinion, Muttski?
Peter: And this is Lois. My proud wife of twenty plus years.
Lois: It's um... so, so nice to see you, Thelma.
Thelma: Semi-nice to meet you too Louis.
Lois: It's Lois.
Thelma: Lois, Louis, who cares? Francis told me all about you so no need in introducing yourself. [pulls out a card] Here's the best spots in the Quahog city to do your street work.
Lois: Street work?
Thelma: Francis told me all about your wife's prostate work, and while I don't approve, it's best to be "nice" to my son's "lovely" wife.
[Thelma holds back her laughter at her snarks to Peter, but the now annoyed Peter grabs her right hand and moves to grab Francis by his neck collar as he drags the two out of Stewie's room and into the hallway]
Peter: Alright, what the hell are you doing back?
Francis: Hey, our contracts say we have seasonal guest roles.
Peter: [breaks character and speaks to Francis] No, Durning, I meant the episode's reason.
Francis: [breaks character as well] The episode's reason?
[Lois, breaking character also, comes out to help explain it]
Lois: [out of character] Yeah, it's in the script, page 8.
[Francis pulls out the episode script and flips through to find what he was going to say]
Francis: Oh, there it is! That's embarrassing. [shouts to the offscreen director] Can-Can we have a redo?
[A director hand comes in front of the camera]
Director: Okay, let's take five and redo that conversation.
[A static screen is seen for a second and then it cut to the living room with a clapperboard seen in sitcoms and movies above the scene]
Director: Family Guy Episode 2ACX17, Take 2.
[The director claps the clapperboard and moves it out, as Peter now drags Francis and Thelma down the stairs to the living room, continuing as nothing happened]
Peter: Alright, since you don't normally visit, I feel there's a reason why you came. So, fess up!
Francis: Well, in the time we've been gone, I decided to quit from my job as the Pope's special assistant. It was a decision made by me and the two of us parted on decent terms.
Cutaway #4
[We see what really happened, with Francis, being dragged out of a building by a security guard with The Pope following behind]
Francis: This is an outrage! You heathens can't fire me! I'm the damn best assistant you got!
Security Guard: Sir, you're being fired because you're a nuisance.
Francis: Nuisance?! Me? I never!
Francis: I'm the only one who seems to give a crap about this! And I swear to God, you'll all burn in Helllll!
[The security guard tosses Francis onto the sidewalk]
The Pope: And good riddance.
[The Pope and the security guard walks back inside]
End
Francis: So, I decided to find Thelma, and we went on a little soul searching...
Cutaway #5
[We see what he really meant again, with Francis and Thelma in Las Vegas at a roulette table in a casino, completely wasted]
Francis: (slurring) B- Bet on 7. There's more chance in winning.
Thelma: (slurring) I'm not gonna bet on 7.
Francis: Bet- Bet on- Bet on 7.
Thelma: I don't want to.
Francis: Bet on 7. You- You gotta-
Thelma: For God's sake, Fran, I'm not gonna bet on 7, it's an unlucky number!
[Smash cut to the two outside, with Thelma smoking a cigarette and Francis looking for a bus. The two being both upset]
Francis: I told you to bet on 7.
Thelma: Oh, hush you.
End
Francis: And through that, we decided to come back to you to make amends. So how 'bout we all go on a little family outing? My treat.
[Seeing through the excuse, Peter gives Francis and Thelma a deadpan look]
Peter: You're not getting money from me.
Thelma: (sighs) What gave it away?
Peter: You've been doing this since I was a kid! You really think I wouldn't catch on eventually?
Brian: Plus, we all saw your firing on the news, (sniffs the two) and you both smell of Las Vegas.
Thelma: Sooo, can we have our money?
Peter: No! You should know I'm tight on money already! I got a family to feed and can't spend it on gambling casino games. (sighs) Know what? Get in the car. I just gonna drive you two home.
Francis: Uh, Peter, about that... we can't "go home".
Peter: What do you mean? I have the address.
Thelma: Well, I may have... And-and you are gonna laugh about this, but I may have gambled away the loan to our house.
Peter: You WHAT?! How?!
Thelma: Petey, that's Vegas. You can gamble anything there.
Francis: Yep. It's quite scary what you can bet there. The point is the bank now owns our house, and we're now homeless and have nowhere to go. So, we thought we could ask for money to have another chance at winning money to get our house back-.
Peter: The last time I gave you money for a Vegas game, I ended having my wallet stolen for you two!
Thelma: Oh, I know an alternative. How about we stay at your house for a while? You'd be fine with that, right Petey?
[After a longthought, he makes his choice]
Peter: Aw, what the hell? Of course you can-.
[The other family member head downstairs to invade on the conversation]
Brian: For God's sake not crash at our home!
[Francis slaps Brian in the face]
Francis: How dare you use the Lord's name in vain!
Lois: [leads Peter away from his parents] Peter, you can't let these two stay here! Francis was an issue last time and I'm sure Thelma will be another one.
Peter: Lois, what happened back then was soooo 1999. But it's 2000. And with them in this low point, they might be at their most vulnerable and I think it's best to give another shot at family bond-
[The whole family minus Peter, Francis and Thelma groans]
Peter: Come on, guys. I swear there's some humanity in them that can make us like them. And when I find it, we'll have that moment where they admit they love me, and we hug while the music goes-
[Peter points outside to the same band he got in "Holy Crap", that plays a heartwarming music string]
Peter: I got the band back.
Lois: Peter, there's no humanity in them. You're just wasting your time.
Peter: Oh, well, now we're just being hurtful, huh? Just hurting my dreams and feelings?
Chris: Dad, when has Grampa ever shown you humanity in his previous visit?
Peter: [smugly] Well, there was-
Meg: Bait-and-switching you into thinking he was grateful for you giving him a job doesn't count.
Peter: [slightly defeated] Um, well uh, then there was-
Brian: Telling you he loves you but doesn't like you and rejecting a hug also doesn't count.
Peter: [sighs] Than none. He just slept around, yelled at me, and was ungrateful towards my love. And my mother is no better as she drinks and smokes too much and was also neglectful.
Lois: Yep. That's what we thought.
Peter: But I still got a thing called hope. Hope that I can get to their cold ice hearts and melt it. And as I have it, I'm willing to take that chance no matter how many childhood scars, crushed attempts or thousands of dollars I'll never get back I've had to sink in.
Lois: Peter, how can childish hope you should've let go of years ago be a good reason to hang on to them?
Peter: I had hope we would have a lovely family when we got married. And if that hope came true, don't you think the same hope can work for my parents?
Lois: [knowing Peter's right] You earned yourself two weeks, and they don't show any change, they're outta here.
Peter: That's all I need, honey. [kiss Lois and turns back to Francis and Thelma] Like I was saying, of course you can crash here. My house is your house.
Thelma: Oh Petey, this is really nice of you.
Francis: We're extremely grateful.
Peter: [with small spark of hope] R-Really?
Francis: Ooh, yes. Thank you, God. The fat stinking drunk was finally useful for once. Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna start nailing crosses on every wall.
Thelma: And I'll start rummaging through your cabinets to find cigarettes.
Francis: Hey Stewie, come with me. If ya want, you can help with nailing.
[As the two parents and Stewie went off, the rest of the family looks at Peter in disgust]
Brian: You're gonna need a lot of hope for those two.
Peter: Okay, it looks like I got some work cut out for me. But this time, I know things will be different. I can feel it in my bones.
[Smash cuts to the family being wide awake in the middle of the night from a loud snoring sound made by a sleeping Francis on the foldout couch bed which he and Thelma are sleep on. The two, who are deep asleep, can't hear Francis' snoring, but the other family members in the house can hear. Meg is seen blocking her ears with her pillow to stop the noise, Chris is seen with his Walkman headphones on to drown them and hides in his covers, and Peter and Lois alongside Brian just lie in their bed in just silent pain. After a few seconds, Brian gets off the bed and makes his way to the door]
Brian: Well, I'd love be here in your denial, Peter. But, uh, I gonna go sleep outside for the night. Maybe sleeping with the wolves will be more soothing on my ears.
Lois: This is gonna be a looong two weeks.
[Early the next morning, the Griffins were peacefully sleeping, hours after the snoring had become numb, until the clock struck 3 AM, with Francis blaring a loud airhorn, startling everyone]
Francis: Come on, everyone! Get up! We're going to church! Everyone needs to be out by 3:30 sharp!
[He continues to blare it as Lois, Chris and Meg groggily move downstairs while holding their ears, until Peter does a light snap]
Peter: WE GET IT! WE'RE UP! YOU DON'T NEED TO BLOW THE DAMN HORN!
[Beat after he walks down]
Thelma: Damn, what a crabby bitch.
[Around 3:30, Francis, in the front passenger seat of the car with Thelma behind him and Stewie in his booster seat, is honking the horn to get the family moving]
Francis: Come on, slow asses! Move it!
[The family - minus Meg and Brian - tiredly move out and enter the car]
Francis: Where you all been? You're two and a half minutes late! If me, Thelma and Stewie can move and get dressed this early, you all should too.
Peter: [in a mocking tone] Sorry, Mr. Christian Thumper.
Francis and Thelma: You said somethin' sassy, boy?!
Peter: Nothin'.
Francis: That's what I thought.
[As Meg heads out late, Peter begins to start the car and back out to her noticing]
Meg: Dad, wait!
[Peter, being tired, ignores her and continues to back out and drive off, leading Meg to chase after them]
Meg: Stop!
[While the family leaves to head to the church, Brian, who was still sleeping outside, comes in yawning, awoken from the car horn]
Brian: Okay, Francis, you win. I'm here.
[Brian looks around to see nobody's home]
Brian: Peter? Lois? [no response] Huh, they all left.
[Brian looks around and notices Francis' pocket Bible on the carpet and gets a smirk on his face]
Brian: Which means Mr. Bible Thumper won't get mad if I do this!
[Brian gets on his four legs to walk to the pocket Bible, and lifts his behind right leg, smiling slyly at the camera. We then see what is possible pee on the book, only for the camera to pan out at reveal it's just the sprinklers at the Holy Christ Chruch. Inside, the elders and Stewie are invested in what Father Bob's saying, who's reading Colossians 3:16, while the rest of the family - despite their best efforts to stay awake - are dozing off]
Father Bob: "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and gre-"
[Father Bob's interrupted by the Griffins' snoring loudly, which puts the attention from everyone else on them Francis, noticing this, becomes enraged]
Francis: PETER GRIFFIN!
Peter: YOUR BIRTH YEAR IS 1920! YOU HATE YOUR FATHER! JESUS WAS KILLED BY JEWS! [notice's his father's angry face] Hey Dad...
Thelma: Francis, please don't make a-[Francis drags the Griffins out of the church] big scene out of nothing.
[Thelma follows the members to the outside of the church]
Francis: How dare you sleep in the presence of the Lord! [to Peter] And you, Peter, you should be ashamed of yourself!
[Francis proceeds to beat Peter with his Bible book]
Peter: Ow! You're hurting me! Stop it, Dad!
Francis: I will not stop until you learn some respect for our Lord and savior!
[As Peter began to break down crying, the members of the church looked at what Francis was doing to his son and were disturbed and some where even uncomfortable. Father Bob, also disturbed, moved out and went to try to deal with it in as peaceful way he could]
Francis: And if anyone asks about the bruises, what do you say?!
Peter: I fell down a steep hill!
Father Bob: Excuse me, Griffins. I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to leave the premises.
Francis: Oh, don't worry Father. I'm making sure this sinner knows better than to yawn while you're preaching.
Father Bob: No, I mean all of you. Leave.
[With it smash cutting to the family outside as Father Bob slams them out. Afterwards, Peter is seen driving the family home from the service, with Francis pissed off at the family]
Francis: You all are a bunch of no-good sinners! How the hell could you fall asleep at church and humiliate us like that, alongside getting us suspended from the church?!
Lois: [yawns a little] Well, maybe waking us up at three in the morning is a reason.
Chris: Yeah. When some of us have the day off and spent the night having fun thinking they sleep late.
Meg: And maybe also the suspension was caused by you hitting Dad in front of the audience?
Stewie: [to Meg] Hey, shut up.
Peter: [pats his father on the shoulder] Oh, I know how you feel, Pops. I've had my share of times where I was humiliated, too.
Francis: Really? Name one.
Peter: Well, there were many times [through gritted teeth] because I couldn't get you to go anywhere or do anything with me [normal], but one of the times was when I was a kid and because you so busy working, I had to take a replica of you to a Father-Son 3-legged race. In fact, I think I still have a picture in my wallet.
[As Peter goes under the car to go through his wallet, he leaves the wheel unattended while still leaving his foot on the pedal, causing the car to swerve.]
Lois: Damn it, Peter! Watch the road.
Peter: Not now, Lois! I'm getting close to proving a point!
Lois: [sighes] Why do I bother?
[Lois scoots over to Peter's seat and grabs the wheel, only to notice Francis' hands grab the wheel too]
Lois: [annoyed] Francis, I'm taking care of the situation.
Francis: Oh, no way. I'm driving. I can't trust a protestant whore to take me anywhere.
Lois: [fake laughs] This "protestant whore" has taken control of this car more than you ever had!
Francis: [fake laughs] Well, I have over sixty years of driving experience!
Lois: Oh please, you probably never driven anything in years.
Francis: Shut your trap, Lois! You don't know anything!
Peter: Actually, you're right Lois. He hasn't drove a car in like, five years. He just car bums or bugs me for rides.
Francis: Stay out of this, Peter!
[As Lois and Francis argue and fight for the wheel, the car begins to swerve more uncontrollably, until Thelma notices they're about to collide with a delivery truck and taps Francis on the shoulder]
Thelma: Uh Fran Fran, maybe you should stop arguing for a second and WATCH OUT!
[Finally snapping out of the argument, Francis notices the truck and shifts out of the way in time, knocking Lois back, but accidentally loses control and crashes through a person's yard, breaking through most of the fencing and making it onto the road again]
Chris: Great timing, Grampa. Now I can see the police blocking the road.
Francis: Well, thank you. I've had many experiences with quick timing, as I was a racecar driver in my-WHAT?!
[The camera then showed several policemen with their arms crossed blocking the road with a few police cars behind them. The family screamed in panic as the car kept headed toward the policemen, who immediately jumped out of the way at the last minute and the car drove past them. The family felt relieved for their luck, but soon started screaming again as the car was now heading toward the annual opening of an unfinished bridge hosted by Mayor Adam West]
Adam West: It is with my honor, that I now open the first unfinished bridge in my ruling of mayor.
[Before Mayor West could get the chance, the car drove past him cutting the ribbon, catching Mayor West off guard]
Adam West: Ha ha! What!?
[The car then drove off the bridge as the family screamed in panic plummeting to their demise in the ground below. Peter, still oblivious to what went down, gets up and looks in his visor side and finds the picture he was looking for]
Peter: There it is! I knew I had it with me. Now, the picture's a little fuzzy due to it being taken in the 70's, but you can still make out the stitches in the replica.
[Looks around to notice the family giving him a "are you serious right now?" look]
Peter: What?
Lois: Oh Peter, its nothing much aside from the fact we're PLUMMETING TO OUR DEATHES!
Peter: What are you talking 'bout, honey? We're just taking a normal drive hom-[notices them plummeting towards their house] HOLY CRAP!
[Back in the Griffin house, Brian was whistling as he picked up the newspaper that just got dropped off on their poach and begins to look for the daily advice quote in the paper]
Brian: "Odd surprises that happened to you will be revealed to miracles." Ha, please.
[The car immediately crashes into the Griffin's garage as Brian finishes, startling him]
Brian: Ah! Oh my God!
[Brian goes to the garage to look, and thankfully the Griffins had small injuries, though the car took a lot of the fall as Brian opened the driver door to check on Peter]
Brian: Peter, are you okay?
Peter: Yeah, I think so... [looks at his now broken watch] Oh, hey! We're home twenty minutes earlier than we thought. I guess these type of car disasters has their lighter sides, too.
[Peter then gave out a nervous laugh to his dazed family in his car in hopes that it would lighten the mood. The family, however, only gave Peter unsatisfied glares as Francis exits]
Francis: I'm gonna take five, and when I recover, I'm GONNA SLUG YOU!
[Francis walks inside, alongside the rest of the family, leaving Peter disappointed. He then looks to his side to see a smug Brian staring at him]
Peter: If you say something snarky, I'm sending you to the pound.
[This comment made Brian instantly lose the smug face and head inside. Later that day, Chris was in his room, drawing a picture of Francis that depicted what happened that morning at the Church, when Francis opened his door. And by "open", it was more bust it open with his foot]
Francis: Chris?
Chris: Aah! Gra-Gra-Grampa?! [closes his notepad and hides it in his desk] You ever heard of knocking?
Francis: Knocking's for Jews! But anyway, your father wanted me and your grandmother to spend some "quality time" or whatever the hell with you two. And I'm stuck with you since I'm the man, so is there anything you like to do with your grandpa? We can do anything you want!
Chris: Well, we can go to the arcade.
Francis: Don't care.
Chris: Yeah, that understandable. Arcades can be messy. Ooh, we can go to the art museum and look at statues!
Francis: Were any made by Christians?
Chris: Grampa, I don't know.
Francis: Then pass.
Chris: Uh okay then uh, maybe we could watch a baseball game? Go to a comic store? Bungle jump? Do anything fun?
Francis: Nope, nope, nope and nope!
Chris: Then what can we do, Grampa?
Francis: Well, if you're that needy for bonding, we could read my pocket Bible. Never leave home without it. [sniffs it a little] Though I think it smells like someone peed on it.
Chris: Is this the best I'm getting?
Francis: Yes.
Chris: Grampa, I...
[Before Chris finishes his sentence, he notices Peter behind Francis holding a sign to him saying "Please for your dad.", and sighs]
Chris: Would love too. Man, I wonder if Meg's having this much trouble with Gramma?
[Cuts to downstairs where Meg's on the couch - being forced to ask to spend time with Thelma - as the latter pulls out some El Dorado cigarettes and crossword puzzle book]
Meg: So, Grandma, can we spend the day together?
Thelma: Absolutely, Megan. I have the perfect day planned for us. It involves me smoking a whole pack of cigarettes and doing half a crossword on the couch while you sit there and be quiet like you always do.
[Meg decides to use this to watch TV, but Thelma smacks her hand as she reaches for the remote]
Thelma: That includes TV.
[Meg hung her head in disappointment as she knew she was wasting her time. Later that evening, Lois was in the dining area placing out plates and getting the place settled]
Lois: Kids! Peter! Dinner!
[Lois began to sit down in her seat next to Peter on the right side of the table, only for Peter to bump her out of the seat]
Peter: Uh, actually Lois, Mom and Dad said they would prefer it if you did not join us. You know, you being a Protestant and all. They said it's ok if you sit at the kitchen table.
[As Peter tells Lois this, Meg, Chris and Brian walk into the dining room and directs his attention to them]
Peter: And that also goes for you three as well.
Lois: Peter, I cooked the damn dinner for all of us and I want to spend it with my family all together!
Brian: Peter, Lois is right. Besides, who would you choose any day of the week: your so-called parents that treat you as a burden, or family that actually cares about you?
Peter: You guys, of course. But, for this current moment, I choose my parents. This my time to break the ice, so move it.
Meg: But Dad-
Peter: I said MOVE IT!
[Annoyed, Peter's family carry their plates and move to the kitchen to eat alone as Francis hold Stewie and Thelma walk to the dining area. As the two groups cross, Stewie shoves Meg's plate into her shirt, getting food all over it]
Stewie: [laughs] I knew it! I knew I could do that! [to Thelma] Cough up the money.
Thelma: [hands Stewie a $10 bill] Lots of experience?
Stewie: Believe me, Thelma, lots of trial and error.
[The three head to the dining area and head to the seats Peter left for them]
Peter: Hey Mom. Hey Dad. How was your time spent with Chris and Meg?
Francis: Well, me and Chris read the Bible together. But Chris kept on showing a lack of enthusiasm, so I yelled at him to show more emotion. The boy then yelled at me to get out of his room and forced me out. All in all, normal day.
Peter: Hey Dad, how for dinner you tell us all about your experience in World War I, and how America defeated Kaiser Permanente? [in-thought] Please say something about how I remembered that detail and how much you appreciate it.
Francis: [in-thought] Not in your life, squirt.
Peter: [in-thought] Wha-? How did you hear me?! And how am I hearing you?
Thelma: [in-thought] Petey, this is something the Griffin family's carried for years. We all can hear our thoughts in our heads.
Peter: [in-thought] Wait, so everyone can hear me? Even my family?
Meg: [in-thought] Yeah.
Lois: [in-thought] one hundred percent, Peter.
Chris: [in-thought] Loud and clear. Even from far away!
Brian: [in-thought] Hey, Peter. How's bonding with your parents?
Meg: [in-thought] Yeah, Dad. Is it going wonderfully?
Peter: [in-thought] Okay, ha-ha, I blew true family love over superficial family love. I'm such a dumbass, just please spare me the snarks.
[We now see a montage of Peter trying to get his parents to bond with him. With the first, being Peter being push on a swing by his family off-screen next a window where his mother, father and Stewie are watching the mini-TV in the kitchen, ignoring him, until the swing set breaks on him.]
[Next, the Griffins are now playing baseball at a baseball field Peter was able to rent. With him pitching and the rest bating. Chris gets a hit, and so does Meg. But when it's Francis' turn, he instead throws the bat at Peter's face, smashing his glasses and getting glass in his eyes, as Peter cries out in pain.]
[The next bonding experience Peter has is painting. He has the family paint a picture of a happy family of eight, with the obvious implication. While the rest of the family paint normal pictures, with Chris painting a high quality paint with shading, Francis and Thelma's feature them walking away from a destroyed house. With the family becoming increasingly disturbed.]
[Then we see the Griffins walking in a park, with Francis and Thelma holding hands with Stewie as they hoist him in the air while walking on the road. While they're doing that, Peter and Lois are attempting the same with Chris and Meg, except they're having issues with Chris due to his weight and Meg's riding on Chris' shoulders. As they were doing this, the Swanson family walked nearby them and looked at them with confused looks, especially Kevin. Leading to Meg hiding behind Chris, embarrassed that she's been seen like this in front of Kevin.]
[Lastly, the Griffins go on a picnic at a park. While the others are setting up, Francis spikes the others drinks - except for his, Thelma's and Stewie's - without them knowing and hand one to them while holding up his glass to emote: "Cheers!" with it cutting to the old couple on the picnic blanket enjoying their company while Stewie draws on the knocked out Griffins with a marker]
[A few days later, at the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory, Peter was seen working around late noon/early evening cleaning the floors with no one else around, much to his boss' surprise when he did a final check for the evening]
Mr. Weed: Peter?
Peter: Hey Mr. Weed.
Mr. Weed: You've usually left by now. Why are you still here?
Peter: I was about to leave, but couldn't stand to see this floor so messy from all the spilled drinks over the years. So I cleaned all the floors in the main lobby. And also did triple checks on toys.
Mr. Weed: Peter, I loved this side of you caring for the hygiene of my factory, [slowly pushes Peter out] bu-but you'd better be going soon. I-I-I'm closing up the building for the night and it's best for you to head out, and uh [shoves Peter out] go home.
[Mr. Weed closes and locks the door and looks to his left and right before jolting into his office with the shades pulled down. He then reached into his drawer and pulled out a VHS with a cover of hot men in their underwear]
Mr. Weed: I'm gonna make you guys my bitch.
[Back outside, Peter, with a sigh, leaves the building and heads to his car to drive off. He didn't put any music on, or hum a tune. He just drove with the blankest and most defeated face he had. After a drive that felt like forever, he soon was on the lane of his house; however, when he saw it, he drove straight past it because a massive part of him wasn't ready to go back to that house. Especially if Francis was there. He circled the block a few more times, before taking a considerable breather before parking the car in the driveway and opened up to see his family on the couch, without his parents or Stewie. And for once in this plan of his, Peter was relieved]
Lois: There you are, Peter. Where were you?
Peter: I was working extra hours to avoid [looks around] "you-know-whos"
Meg: You mean Grandpa and Grandma? Yeah, they left a note saying they left and took Stewie with them.
Chris: And thank God for that. If I came home to see Grampa almost try to burn my sketchpad for having "sinful artistry" as he says, I'd probably would have knocked his Christian ass!
Lois: Chris, watch your mouth! Don't say that about your grandfather! Even if it's true.
Brian: Well, Peter, you're halfway into your two-week plan for Francis and Thelma and it seems there's no clear signs of change in attitude. Or even behavior.
Peter: I know, but I still wanna hold hope.
Brian: Peter, your quest for validation has been going on for forty-three years at this point. Maybe it's best to throw in the towel and just... throw them out into the cold and never look back?
[Peter outright gasped in shock at what Brian was suggesting]
Peter: Brian H. Griffin, you should know how it feels to be a homeless person on the streets! I'd expect you know not to curse misfortune on others, especially family. Besides, you love to support my endeavors. Remember that time you helped me try to the be the first man to walk on the Sun?
Cutaway #6
[In outer space, Brian is seen in a space shuttle, lowering Peter on a rope to the Sun]
Peter: Okay, lower... lower... [touches the surface and catches fire] AAAH! Back up! Back up! Back up!
End
Lois: Peter, Brian's right. You may have the patience of a saint for them, which is impressive.
Chris: Yeah, I can't imagine tolerating Gramma and Grampa for one more week, let alone forty-three years!
Lois: But everyone has their limits, even people like you, Peter. And sooner or later, if we do nothing about this, you'll reach a breaking point, and when it happens, it's gonna be a huge mess. It's for the best to take care of it in advance before it gets worse, you know like a tumor?
Peter: Are-Are you suggesting that my parents are tumors?
Lois/Chris/Meg/Brian: Yes.
[Francis and Thelma walk in]
Thelma: Hey Petey, guess what we bought while you guys were out?
Peter: Uh, love?
Thelma: Ha! No way. We bought vaudeville performers.
[Thelma claps her hands and to summon with the vaudevillians they got, Vern and Johnny]
Brian: You wasted money on hiring performers?
Vern: You know what else is a waste, prostitute? Television. Thanks to it, our style's gone out the window. But we'll show you all that vaudevillians can still be entertaining in the 21st century.
[Vern and Johnny rush to the study room and push out Lois' piano]
Lois: And they're dragging my piano out without asking for my permission first.
Vern: Johnny, give me a song!
Hello, my baby
Hello, my honey
Hello, my ragtime gal
Brian: Oh my God, this is awful!
Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart's on fire
Meg: Grandpa, is this... real music?
Francis: Yep. You're new slobs won't get it, but we get it and enjoy.
Thelma: After all, it did play in our wedding
Lois: Ugh. That is the lowest form of music.
If you refuse me
Honey, you'll lose me
Then you'll be left alone
[During this verse, the Griffins - minus Stewie, Francis and Thelma - sneak off to the kitchen, to avoid]
Oh baby, telephone
And tell me I'm your own
Brian: Can I have some money? I'm going to a hotel until they leave.
Peter: Brian, come on, it's not that bad.
Chris: Dad, that's always the problem with you and Grampa. You keep saying it's "not that bad" or "he's just acting out", when you know you're lying to yourself and you lying about it will just cause the same disaster as last visit.
Brian: Yeah, especially with Mrs. Smokes-a-Lot.
[Francis re-enters the room with a rolled-up newspaper and everybody gasps]
Francis: Who in this house insulted my wife?! Did you, Dog?
Brian: [frightened] Oh, I...I...
Stewie: Francis, hit him on the nose! That's the best weak point!
Brian: [frightened] F-F-Francis, I, I...
Peter: Brian was just picking up on something I said. I was talking about calling Mom Mrs. Smokes-a-Lot, which he completely disagreed with. Right, Brian?
[Peter winks to Brian]
Brian: Yes, I-I completely disagree with that statement.
Francis: So, you like to insult your mother in my presence, Peter?!
Peter: [whimpers] M-Maybe... [notices Francis dropping the newspaper and rolling up his right sleeve] uh, I love you?
[Smash cuts to the Drunken Clam the next day, where Cleveland, Joe and Quagmire are at the usual booth, noticing Peter's missing]
Cleveland: I feel something's not right.
[The members put their hands on their chins, thinking]
Joe: [snaps his fingers] I got it! I'm wearing different pants compared to my usual.
[pulls down to show Joe wearing black pants compared to his usual blue]
Quagmire: Joe, I think Cleveland's meaning our group. Peter's missing for our weekly bar hangout.
Cleveland: It's not like Peter to miss out on a group hangout.
Quagmire: I know! Even when you or I missed a few or so meetings, he never missed a meeting.
[Peter, wearing sunglasses, comes into the bar and sit in his usual spot in the booth]
Peter: Sorry I'm late, fellas. I was... [in-thought] what the hell's a good excuse? [back to out loud] finding my pants. Yeah, you know how hard it can be for me to find my pants. [to Horace] Yo, Horace! A glass of your strongest beer.
[Horace comes up to him with a glass of Utopias]
Horace: My strongest beer in the house, Peter.
Peter: Thanks, Horace.
[As Peter chugs his drink down, the guys stare at Peter]
Joe: Peter, would you mind removing your sunglasses when you're with the guys?
Peter: Err... yeah?
[Joe sighs]
Quagmire: Cleveland, take them off.
[Cleveland removes Peter's sunglasses, revealing that he has got a black eye, causing the others to gasp in horror]
Quagmire: Dear God, Peter, what happened to you?
Peter: Oh nothing. I was just defending my son Chris when someone bullied him. [chuckles] Believe me, eighth graders can be quite big and strong despite what they do [laughs but notices none of his friends are laughing and see through it] I... got punched by my father. But it's not that bad.
Joe: Peter, that's on the level of domestic abuse! That's extremely serious!
Peter: Okay, so technically, you're correct. But I'm being the better man by cowering away from him at the Clam so he doesn't do it again. And I doubt he'll find me.
[Horace walks up the group]
Horace: Hey boys, can you get rid of that old man outside? He's driving all my customers away.
[Horace points to a window that show Francis yelling at people]
Francis: [notices a man walking to the door of the Clam and stops him] Hey, don't you know drinking's a sin?! [smacks him with his Bible] If you're a drinker, you're all damned, each and every one of ya! [the man panics aways and Francis looks inside to see Peter inside the bar, and becomes yet again enraged. He barges through towards Peter] PETER GRIFFIN!
Peter: Oh God, no...
Francis: What in God's name are you doing in here?! Don't tell me you've been lyin' your ass to me about not drinkin'!
[Francis begins to lift his Bible, but before he can do anything, Horace steps to cover his friends]
Horace: Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing around my bar? First you drive away my customers, and now you're threatening my best customer? What's wrong with you?!
Francis: You should thank me! Your bar's a travesty on Christians alike. Getting them sweet men to fall into drinking is beyond sinful for you!
Horace: Let me tell you two things, old man: A, that's my job! And B, this is my bar. I own the Drunken Clam. And my establishment, my rules, [shoves Francis] punk!
Francis: I'll show you who's the punk!
[Francis tackles Horace and the two get into a fistfight, as the guys watch in shock and slowly back away from the fight and out the door. Later, the guys head down to Cleveland's Deli to hide out, where Cleveland hands Peter a frozen ice pack for his black eye]
Cleveland: Here you go, Peter. The coldest ice pack in my freezer.
Peter: Thanks, Cleveland. [puts the frozen ice pack on his eye and sighes] Alright, I'll be honest with you fellas. I don't know what to do. I barely held my sanity the last time my dad visit, I don't think I'll hold myself for him and my mom for another week.
Quagmire: Peter, you can just kick them out if you're having a hard time with them. You do have the right to.
Joe: Or, you can put an anonymous report of abuse, and then we can get in there AND KICK HIS OLD ASS! I can even let Kevin throw a few swings on him. We've been practicing on attacking crooks.
Peter: Oh, I would love too... But, they're still my parents and, I don't want to just kick them in the cold or kick their asses. Even if it does seem stimulating... [slaps himself] COME ON, PETER! Stick to this hill!
Quagmire: Did-Did you just slap yourself?
Peter: I'm extremely stuck in the middle and I-I just don't know what to do.
Cleveland: Peter, how about instead of driving yourself crazy, you do a middle road decision and put them in a retirement home? I know a good one called Quahog Acres. I once had an issue with my father being in my house a few years back due to him breaking up with my mother, but he drove me to my limits. So I put him there, and haven't heard back from him since then. [writes an address and number] Here's the phone number and address.
Customer: HEY! Where's that steak I ordered ten minutes ago?!
Cleveland: [sighs] You think it over. I gotta take care of this customer. He's extremely impatient and I really hate when he comes here.
[A glass is thrown near the booth the guys are at and shatters, barely missing the guys]
Cleveland: ALRIGHT, I'M COMING! Damn!
[Cleveland goes to talk care of the customer. Half an hour later, as Peter drives home, he still looks at the location and number Cleveland gave him, clearly showing to have a hard time trying to decide.]
Peter: [in thoughts] A retirement center? Dad couldn't even stand being home with me for a day without working. Though that being said, dumping the two off at a place to be someone else's problem might be the best way to solve my situation...
[Just as he's stumped, Peter's angel conscience arrives.]
Angel Peter: Shame in you! You should honor your parents. And letting them live with you is another way to honor them.
[Peter's devil conscience arrives in the conversation]
Devil Peter: Ha! Honor, shomonor! Peter, you're parents have never given you anything in enter for your honoring or let alone be grateful to you. Remember, that your father is the same guy who fired you from your job.
Angel Peter: But that man could've changed! People can change in a year.
Devil Peter: He flat out admitted to him he didn't like him!
Angel Peter: I guess we only have one way to settle this...
Angel/Devil Peters: MORALITY FIGHT!
[As Peter's consciences begin to fling lightning bolts and fire at each other, fighting to the death over who's right for Peter to accept, Peter just gets more tense. As he gets close to his house, he glances to his right to see his lawn... only for him to look again in shock, eyes open when he sees his whole family, who are also in shock sans Francis, Thelma and Stewie, looking at the newly added statue of Jesus. Peter parks the car and exits to get a close look]
Peter: [to Francis] Dad, WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Francis: I bought a statue of Jesus. While every house I feel needs a cross, I did it to the next level and bought a statue!
Thelma: Isn't it wonderful, Petey?
Brian: Yeah, nothing says 'Welcome home' like a statue of a bleeding, half-naked Jew nailed to a piece of wood.
Stewie: [kicks Brian's head from behind] What do you know, Dog?
Lois: How the hell did you even afford this?!
Francis: Stole Peter's bank details and won it on a bid on Ebay.
Brian: What?! Peter, they just stole from you and what do have to say to this?
Peter: Well, it's the front yard look... unique compared to others. Besides I don't think it costed much.
Francis: Yeah, it was dirt cheap. [hands Peter a receipt] See for yourself.
Peter: Let's see, it costed... a mere $10!
Lois: [horrified] Peter, that's not a decimal. That's a comma!
[Peter removed his thumb, revealing that it really costed $10,000.]
Peter: [holds back throw up] $10,000.
Stewie: And the best part about it, Fat Man, is that it went for $5,000 before we bought it.
Peter: [takes a deep breath about what he heard] Lois, can I talk to you inside for a minute?
[Peter takes Lois upstairs to their room]
Lois: So, Peter, did you have your epiphany?
Peter: You bet your ass I did! Call the retirement home and book a room for them! 'Cause they have got to go!
And scene!
Next chapter, Peter reveals the plan to his parents and them alongside Stewie plot to stay that involves some... morality to be tested. Don't forget to review, favorite and follow if you're liking the story so far.