Where does this start? I don't even know. Did it start when I first met her? When we started hanging out? When I told her how I felt? Was it on the first kiss? I guess I'll just go as far as I remember.

So, I'm Santana, a couple things you should know about me. I'm the hottest bitch in this hell hole called Lima, and I think I'm in love with a manipulative, emotionally and mentally ill, Quinn Fabray.

First, I'll tell you a bit about me and my friends before we get to her.

I was born and raised in Lima, and always felt comfortable here. I had a major glow up right when puberty hit so, navigating high school has been so easy for me. I wasn't the best looking in my awkward years but I guess my confidence was enough.

Although I'm popular and have amazing friends I've never truly felt myself, and that's because in middle school I noticed that girls made me feel the way guys were supposed to, but that was something impossible to admit in a town like this.

Now, I'll tell you about my friends.

First, but definitely not most important, there's Finn Hudson. We've been in the same classroom since I can remember but never truly bonded with him, until high school. There were a lot of new kids and he was a familiar face, he sat close to me and we just started talking. I found him funny, whoever believes that "nice guy" crap he tries to pull off is because they haven't had a conversation with him and Puck. They say the most unhinged shit, about everything and everyone, but Finn has this vibe that makes people follow him, and makes him look like a great guy, but believe me, he ain't that. I've always got a weird vibe from him, and it took me a while to figure out what it was.

Next is Brittany, Britt is my very best friend, she is just my favorite person and I feel so at ease with her. The way she sees life is something I aspire to. She is very smart, regardless of what people think about her, and she is very stable mentally. We all have secrets, and mental issues or whatever, but not her, she is just at peace with herself, and she radiates that energy.

People always teased us about being in love but that's not true, not even close. It was a real friendship from the first second. She sat next to me at class and just said "you seem cool, I'll sit here" and in fact, I'm cool and she has sat next to me at every class after that.

Now Puck, that guy. He is my weirdest friendship. I've always hung out more with the guys because I always get a good laugh. Puck is just real and unfiltered. I have a feeling that he doesn't know how society works, so he just says things that could hurt someone's feelings but he doesn't even notice. If you want a sincere opinion, he's your guy. I often wonder how am I friends with such a guy. He is a slut, he messes with classmates mom's, older, younger, he doesn't care, hell, he even had sex with a guy just because he was horny and the dude was teasing him. He didn't kiss him though cause on his own words "that would be gay as fuck" and he swears he's straight.

He's the kind of friend that would leave me alone and drunk at a party just to go lay with whoever. He knows I'm off limits though. I hang out with a lot of people but Puck and Britt are basically my best friends. Puck has his good moments, don't get me wrong, he is smart, he knows a bit about everything. I know if I wonder something he'll have the answer and if not he'll find it. And he is surprisingly very emotionally smart so when I need to talk about feeling and shit, he is always there for me.

Then there's Quinn. New girl, beautiful girl. She was transferred from whatever school and immediately joined the cheerios and became captain. I felt a little jealous because I felt like I earned it, but the girl was better, she was a true leader in cheerleading expectations. Never crossed words with her outside of practice until she started dating Finn.

I never understood why SHE was dating Finn. The guy was weird, and I couldn't find him good looking if I tried. Also he was being a nerd. He suddenly joined the glee club and Quinn followed him, and then we had to join and ruin our reputation and social status because our coach told us. But Finn was there for real and had an obvious crush on the little obnoxious Jewish girl.

This is high school so, obviously, there is a cool kids table and if I wanted to survive in this school without being slushied I had to be there. My friends sat there and a bunch of kids I couldn't care about. You know the jocs and the cheerios. Weirdly enough, it was also the stoners table. Puck introduced us all to weed except for Britt, she didn't need it. By this time we could manage to take classes or practice while being high as fuck. My bag had eye drops and lots of hand cream and perfume.

Quinn never really hung out with us until Finn took her to the table. She was too shy for such a beautiful girl. I'm serious, she has the most magnetic green eyes I've ever seen. I took it as my chore to introduce her to the group. I noticed she liked Lana del Rey and instantly figured how depressed she was, but I love Lana too so we bonded over that.

I asked her about her favorite song and I swear something in her face changed. Her eyes lit up and we talked the whole free period about our favorite songs. She was cool and intelligent, the way she analyzed song lyrics was amazing. She was also a book nerd but no one knew because she kept it to herself.

Quinn started to trust me very fast. It felt like I was her only friend. I started hanging out with her separated from the group because before cheerio practice Britt had to go to some kind of special class and I had a free hour as well as Quinn. So we just walked the field, or sat on the bleachers and talked about life, music, her favorite books. Honestly it was a lot of me asking questions.

-Who would've thought you were such a nerd, Quinn Fabray

-So I read a book and now I'm a nerd?

She said with a beautiful smile on her face and looked at me as if she was looking for more than that answer. I got super nervous and just looked away.

-Is more than what people read in this town.

-That's true

She said nodding and smiling, with that beautiful smile of hers, I got lost in it.

-Sometimes, you make me nervous Santana.

Oh shit.

-Why?

-I don't know. You just look at me so deeply.

Quinn said as she got off the bleachers and took my hand so I could follow her. To say I felt butterflies would not be enough. My stomach did a whole 360, I felt like trhowing up, the contact of her skin on mine left me tingly. I knew i was fucked.

-Can I ask you something, Santana?

-Yes, I'm always asking you stuff

-Do you think Finn is cheating on me?

Holy shit. I had my doubts that he was seeing Rachel but Quinn is kinda giving me confirmation. Apparently I stayed Quiet too long because she talked again.

-Is just, he's acting weird

-Quinn, he IS weird

-Yeah but, he's with Rachel all the time, and that girl obviously has a crush on him.

-He's an idiot if he cheats on you with Rachel! For god's sake! What do you see in him anyway? You're too pretty for him.

Quinn smiled and bat her eyes

-You think I'm pretty

-Like you don't know

I rolled my eyes and Quinn grabbed my hand.

-I didn't know YOU found me pretty

-Is obvious Quinn, move on and answer my question

I said super nervous and Quinn just stood there looking at me, batting her lashes with a smile that I just couldn't figure out.

-What was the question?

-What do you see in Finn?

Quinn sat down again and just looked far away, I sat next to her and she linked our arms.

-I don't know San. I thought I liked him but I have my doubts.

-I really don't know how he could pull you off, honestly

There was that smile again, she obviously enjoyed me simping for her and I hated every second of it, I felt anxiety just thinking what's going through her head. I felt that at some level she was kind of encouraging me and being flirty but I didn't want to make much off of it. She just obviously like being told she's pretty and I'm a natural flirt so, it'l be what it'l be.

Suddenly Quinn unlinked our arms and that brought me back, I missed the heat, the contact.

-When I met Finn, I was very depressed. Hell, I think i'm still depressed but I just transfered schools, didn't know anyone, everyone seem to already have a tight group of friends, he was being nice to me so, I may have confused that with liking him.

Quinn let out a sighed and I just watched her talk.

-When I think about Finn I feel numb, I really don't care if he's in love with the jewish girl, Is just embarrassing , you know?

-Totally

-So, to answer your question. He was the first nice guy to approach me when I was having the worst time.

-You could, just dump him, you know?

-If I dump him, what should I do? Hang out with the glee kids?

-With us, fuck it, we'll drop him. He's a nerd anyway.

Quinn just smiled and shrugged.

-Come on San, we have practice.

The day went by, we didn't talk during practice that much and just said our goodbyes. I went home and got high as I was used to and saw Quinn online so I texted her.

S: Hey whats up?

Q: Just reading

S: What are you reading?

Q: Oh, you don't wanna know

S: I do! I'm high as fuck, everything is interesting now, besides you reply fast and I like that, so tell me about the book.

Q: I won't

Q: Are you dating Puck?

S: Oh fuck no

Q: You guys seem close

Q: I broke up with Finn

S: Holly shit, just like that

Q: Yeah, we met after school and… can you keep a secret?

S: Always

Q: Well, he cheated on me, with Rachel

S: Ugh, fuck that guy, that's so low! Who fucking does that?

Q: That's not it

S: ?

Q: He was sexting with…

Q: forget it, is not for me to say

S: Dude, don't do this to me

Q: Don't call me dude

S: What should I call you?

Q: Well, for instance, I like it when you call me pretty

S: You're funny. Tell me

Q: Promise me Santana!

S: I swear!

Q: Let's get some food tomorrow after school and I'll tell you

S: You're really gonna do this?

S: Fuck Quinn!

S: Really? Offline?

S: God woman, you left me hanging

And just like that, I was about to know one of the juiciest gossip. But I had to wait one more day.

That day I fell asleep and all I saw in my head was Quinn's green eyes, staring into my soul.

Did I like her? Definitely.

Does she notice? No doubt

Is she bothered by it? Doesn't seem like it