"BLOODSHARED"
chapter 1 Discovery
Dear Diary,
Things are getting back to normal here. It has been months since Stefan's attack on Amber
And since Damon and I had to lock him up. I am glad that Stefan and I are getting back into our groove, However some things have changed.
I should not be complaining, nor would I ever complain to Stefan, but I must vent somewhere.
Stefan does walk on egg shells around me. I guess he thinks I am still afraid of him, even though I have told him that I am not. That will obviously take time, but it is the least of my concern.
My main concern is our lovemaking. Stefan before the blood ordeal was more carefree and passionate,
Well as much as broody Stefan could be. Lol but now Stefan is very stiff during our lovemaking, almost robotic, and I just need more passion than that.
I can look into his eyes when he is on top of me, (vanilla sex as always) and he has a fear in his eyes.
It is almost as if, he is worried he will attack and bite me, maybe even kill me during. Fear is not only in his eyes but all over his face expressions and body language, so strongly that I can feel it.
I love him, I really do, I just want our lovemaking to be more passionate and carefree.
I know Stefan has never really been wild during, but anything before was better than now.
Again, I know I shouldn't complain, but I just can't help it.
I feel stressed and tense, as a result of his robotics, my orgasm's have not been full, more like very light and few between. I know I can't talk to him, it will only cause him to feel more guilty and put more tension on our lovemaking. I can't talk to Bonnie either, she's never had sex with a vampire.
I guess I am going to try to talk to Caroline today at school. Caroline has had sex with a vampire (Damon) while she was still human, and now that she is a vampire, she can give me a prospective from both sides. I will however have to hear about Damon and sex, I am not sure I want to open that can of worms, I really do not see how I have a choice.
Until next time...
~Elena~
(SCHOOL)
It is 2nd period and today is going very slow and I am feeling nervous about talking to Caroline in
4th period Biology class. We are lab partners and we sit at the table in the back, and I am going to try and get some advice from her. Today is a perfect day, it is out turn to get supplies from storage to restock Mrs. Litmans room and that should give me enough private time to talk to her. I am not sure how much help Caroline will be though.
I am waiting anxiously now for 3rd period to be over and I'm still not sure how to bring up the topic, "How was your vamp sex with Damon Caroline?" uh...No!...or... "Was Damon's vamp sex passionate? Wild or What?" Oh God, I have no idea how to start a conversation with Caroline because
I am just not as open as she is about sex. Also I am worried about asking her sex with Damon, afraid it will bring up painful memories, her transition to vampire allowed her to remember everything Damon had done to her, (which I hope will help me somehow).
I don't think Caroline has had sex yet as a vampire, because she is still broken up with Matt, for his safety.
Today I will have to force myself to pry, talk openly about sex, if I am going to get help and good advice. Let's face it, Caroline is a lot of things, all kinds of annoying at times, but pretty straight forward in the advice department, and even better at it, now that shes a vampire. There's the Bell!
It's Time!
(STORAGE ROOM)
Caroline and I were walking to the storage room, while I was building my nerve up. We turned the last corner and I checked to see if anyone was around, and took a deep breath.
"Caroline, I need to ask you some advice on sex?" I said.
Caroline turn to me and her face lit up like it was Christmas morning, and she gave me a devilish grin
and said.
"Shoot Elena!"
I gave her a small smile and began
"Okay here it is. My sex with Stefan has not been great since the human blood incident. The short version is that Stefan has been stiff and robotic, afraid to let loose in a passionate way, as if he is afraid he will hurt me, or like he thinks I am still afraid of him." I said.
"Elena, why did it take you so long to come to me? That was months ago!"
"I am so sorry Elena, that must be really hard on you and it sucks." she added.
"It is and it does Caroline!" I replied.
"Have you tried just being honest with Stefan? Elena."
" He has been walking on egg shells enough around me, outside the bedroom, and things are just getting back to almost normal, so I really don't feel I can Caroline. You Know how broody Stefan is anyway and he already still feels guilty about scaring me. So that is why I needed to vent to someone,
And ask what I should do, and you ugh...had...sex with a vampire when you were human to...So...I Was...wondering if we could compare some notes to see what is normal for vamp sex, or what is just Stefan sex? I completely understand if you do not want to talk about Damon...ugh...you know...ugh...because of what he did to you, the feeding and stuff."
"Oh Elena, It's okay, I am a much stronger person now and I can handle it, so what do you want to know exactly?"
"Everything Caroline, everything!"
"Okay Elena, that could take a week, how about the short version?" Damon, believe it or not is a very passionate person, although with me, it was more a wild type of sex, ya know, because we were not in love or anything, he was basically using me for food and fun on the side, while waiting for his diabolical plan to unfold. Even though Damon is a total douche bag, I must say the sex was hot! Damon is...very...sexy...and...seductive."
"So he is like a male Katherine?" I asked.
"I guess Elena, I did not know her in that way, but I am sure Stefan and Damon filled you in?"
"Damon more so," I said. "But Continue."
"okay, well honestly I know I acted like the feeding was horrible, but that was because I was to embarrassed to tell the truth. The mind compulsion was actually the worst thing ever. That was..."
"Whoa Caroline!, Back up!" I said.
"What?" Caroline asked.
"You said you were embarrassed about the truth of the feeding, What does that mean Caroline?" I asked with a serious tone.
"Oh, That, well to others, being a vamp snack sounds horrible...but...honestly, the feeding was totally erotic! I can't explain it but let's put it this way, I could orgasm during him biting and sucking my blood, without Damon even touching me!"
"Wow, Really?" I said.
"Yes Elena, believe it or not."
Damon had a very gentle way of biting, right before or during sex, that was an experience outta this world! Although if Damon was mad, then he bit hard, like on my back or shoulders, and that did not tickle nor was it pleasant. See, it is all in how Damon would do it. He had the power to make it gentle and pleasurable, or rough and painful, even degrading at times. Okay I know, brooding Stefan, from what you said is stiff now, but he has never blood shared with you during sex? Or right before?"
"No, Caroline. Are you crazy? Stefan with the blood issue, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the "Ripper" you think I am letting Stefan anywhere near my neck? Or anywhere else to bite me? OH NO!" I shout.
"Oh yeah, that's right, sorry I forgot. That really does suck to Elena, you are so missing out!" she states.
"Thanks Caroline, I came to you for advice on stiffy Stefan, and what I should do, and now I find out, not only am I missing out on passionate sex, but wild sex and feeding pleasure too! Just great! So it is called blood sharing?" I ask.
"No Elena, it is called Feeding, blood sharing, is if a vampire feeds you his blood at the same time the vampire is feeding from you, or after."
"What would the purpose of a vampire feeding you his blood during sex?" I ask curiously.
"Well Elena, I am kind of a newbie vamp, but from what Stefan taught me on our bunny hunts, sharing at the same time is erotic for both vampire and human, or two vampires. Also a vampire might feed a human his blood afterward, for the purpose of healing the fang wounds on the skin. Damon never gave me that courtesy."
"Stefan talk to you about this?" I asked angrily.
"Yes Elena, I am sorry but I ask a lot of questions, you know for Matt's sake, and Stefan taught me everything I guess he felt I needed to-know."
"It's okay Caroline, I'm not mad at you, just angry Stefan never told me anything about feeding being erotic in any way. Stefan explained Damon feeding off you for food, and compelling you to forget, never did he say anything about orgasms from feeding, or sensual anything!" I state sadly.
"Well Elena, this is the first time I have ever told anyone. I was embarrassed. Okay well enough about that, back to your problem. You need to be honest with Stefan, take a weekend away to get him really relaxed, maybe boozed up a little, and see if the passion comes back. Also I suggest getting on top, vamps love that, at least Damon did. All vamps have great stamina, I'm sure Stefan at least has that. Right Elena? (pause) He may not be wild like Damon, but I am sure at one time, he was passionate. Right? I mean you guys are in love and it's Epic! So the sex must have been passionate at some time. Right Elena? You just need to find your way back to that, by trying different things."
Caroline went on and on, but if I'm being honest, I totally spaced, I wasn't even thinking about my robotic sex anymore, I honestly could not get my mind of the blood sharing thing, how Caroline said it was erotic and outta this world. I began daydreaming as she was talking.
Stefan was biting my neck, but the image would just shatter in my brain every time, his teeth would get close to my neck in this daydream and …..Fear...of a painful bite, or Stefan draining me or worse, was fighting it's way through my fantasy.
Ugh...I can't even have a fantasy right. Now I am even more frustrated than before and poor Caroline is still going on and on, offering good advice, (from the parts I did hear) Lol."
"Elena, your not even listening, we're almost back to class." Caroline said sounding frustrated.
"It's okay Caroline, I'm so sorry. I was just thinking of new Idea's to spice up our sex!" I lied."
"Thanks so much for listening, we will talk more in private." I say gratefully.
"You can come to me Elena, with anything, and I will try my best to understand and help. Okay?" Caroline said smiling.
"Yes, I will Caroline, were back so later K?" I said as we entered the classroom.
Caroline and I sat back in our seats, right after stocking the shelves with all the supplies we got, and Caroline got strangely quiet. Maybe she was remembering sex with Damon, I thought, or that erotic feeding I bet...Ugh...that will not leave my mind now, Caroline, love her heart, meant well, but she has made things even worse, because now I am not just craving passionate lovemaking again, I am craving a whole new thing, that I can never ever do with Stefan. Just Great!
The bell ran, next 5th period study hall, pretty much a free period, and I knew I would be able to do nothing, but sit and think about blood sharing, feeding, and sensual erotic. Oh my God, I need a drive to clear my head. I decided to skip, and for some reason as soon as my butt sat in my S.U.V. I began to think, Where can I get a vampire to feed on me? What is the best spot on the body? I realize I never ask Caroline that. However, thinking back to the Lockwood party in the bathroom, Caroline had bite marks on her back, shoulders, and neck. Caroline did say, when Damon was angry he bit her on her back and shoulders, but she wore a scarf to cover her neck for awhile. So, it must be the neck, yeah best spot must be the neck. Hmm where to find a vampire, that is experienced, who I can trust, and good looking wouldn't hurt either. Oh my God, Damon! He is the only one I know except for John and Demetri from that crazy bar outside of town. Bonnie, Caroline and I went out about a month ago, for a girl's night out, to Zippo's, which is right outside of town. How do I ask them? Two vampires Caroline met at the bar, John had a girlfriend, figures, he was hot! Demetri was single and not bad looking at all. We hung out with them, to Bonnie's disgust, only a few hours. Do I know them well enough to trust them not to hurt me? Rape me? Or worse, Kill me!? I need to try this feeding thing though, so I guess it's Damon, Yes Damon! I trust him. I am going to call him.
Ring ring: "Damon's phone." He answered.
"Damon! Where are you? I ask.
"Um, I'm at the Grill Elena, Is everything alright? You Okay?"
"Yes Damon, Listen! I need a favor. Stay there! I will be right there." I said excitedly.
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