Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is the property of Khara and Hideaki Anno. If you think some asshole on the internet owns an international anime empire. Get your head checked. Enjoy Kiddos.

CH 1 The King Of Bastards

The instrumentality of Mankind was truly a beautiful sight. To any observer witnessing it from orbit, a dazzling spectacle of light spreading across the globe in an explosion of luminescent crosses coalescing around the pale form of Lilith. A dark red moon glowing in her palms as the souls of humanity all closed into one. The sound of billions of voices crying out in fear and ecstasy all at once echoing across the globe.

The man most responsible for bringing this about could not see much of anything as he lay clutching his arm, bleeding to death. Unable to move from the cold metal floor of a coffin of his own creation. Surrounded by his failures and endless secrets threatening to swallow him up like the pitch black darkness surrounding him.

Then a blinding light appeared, illuminating Gendo Ikari, showing the same implacable stare that had plastered his face for over a decade; he winced and covered his eyes. His expression then warped into a look of pure stunned silence as he saw his dream realized right in front of him.

"Yui?" he rasped out, using his elbows to prop himself up to gaze at her, uncaring of the sharp pain it caused through his body.

A woman in a white lab coat with chin length soft brown hair framing hazel eyes filled with equal parts joy and sadness stared back at him. She didn't reply with words instead; she met his gaze and gave him a smile that seemed brighter than the sun itself.

"For so long with bated breath, I have waited for this moment, when I could finally see you again. I have always known that I am not meant to be a father. I have nothing to offer or teach Shinji. I am just a broken man, undeserving of love, who would only cause more pain. That is why I stayed as far from him as I could." He said the words he had endlessly rehearsed for this moment, but they tasted bitter in his mouth as his face shifted back to its usual bored stare.

"You were afraid of Shinji, afraid of the invisible bonds that exist between people. Afraid of how they form and ultimately, how they fall apart, that's why," Yui replied as if she were explaining the water cycle to a meteorologist.

"I don't understand Shinji, I don't understand how to help him or anybody else, I can only cause more pain," he said hoarsely, finishing with a bloody cough as his wounds began to catch up with him.

"Did you ever truly try to understand?" A younger sounding feminine voice rang out as the form of Rei Ayanami strolled up from behind Gendo, as if she had always been there. Her maroon eyes pulsing with energy that seemed to look right into his soul searching for the answer they both already knew.

"You were the one who wanted a child Yui I just wanted to make you happy, Shinji has hated me since you left so I ran from him for his sake, It was the only thing I could do for him" he barely managed to hack out the words as he spat out a glob of blood with the accompanying dizziness forcing him to lie back down, the warm red puddle he sank back into telling him he was not long for this world.

A third male voice sounded out, filled with righteous indignation. "Even now, after all this time, you still do not know him. You closed off your heart to others to shield yourself from pain and in doing so inflicted an even worse pain on yourself and those around you." Appearing from nowhere was the Fifth child. White hair glowing with ephemeral energy and dark crimson eyes locked on his with an almost serene look despite his tone of voice.

The harsh retort he planned died on his lips. Whom he now presumed to be Lilith spoke up again with a look of what almost seemed like pity etched into her stoic features "You will learn even if you do not wish to".

"Or he will die in the process," the boy added in a tone devoid of any warmth.

"They are the two strongest men I have ever known. If it cannot be done by them, it cannot be done." Yui spoke with such certainty it brought tears to his eyes, even if he didn't know what was being discussed.

As he slowly started to lose consciousness, he watched the form of his wife turn around. She knelt down next to him and press her forehead to his, whispering something he couldn't quite understand as the world went dark again.

Gendo's eyes opened, and he was now standing in a pure white void stretching out endlessly around him. He used his left hand to reach out and feel around his throat looking for any wounds, found none and realized whatever had happened restored him fully.

Then he was hit with what felt like a white hot needle getting shoved into his skull. The pain forcing his eyes shut and causing him to double over, clutching his skull.

As he opened his eyes, he was standing in a strangely familiar living room. A large tv filled the center of the room full of static that was giving off a low hum. The shelves in the room were bare and the floor and walls were spotlessly clean, but everything in the room was devoid of any decoration or color.

As soon as he remembered where he knew this room from, he felt someone watching him and turned around to meet his son's eyes. They now constantly reminded him of his own eyes, yet still had a softness in them that twisted his stomach into knots. He timidly stared at the boy's loafers, trying to grasp his current surroundings.

"Shinji?" he called out hesitantly

"Yes and No, a person's self consists of two selves, the self and the one who observes the self, I am not Shinji Ikari, I am the Shinji Ikari who observes Shinji Ikari, or other Shinji For brevity's sake," this caused Gendo finally to meet his son's gaze again, his expression unreadable.

"Wait, where am I?" He said his brain was still trying to piece together what he had just been told.

The other Shinji's face broke into a wide smile. As if he had been waiting for that, giving a deep bow as he matter-of-factly stated, "Welcome to the mind of Shinji Ikari, father"

"This cannot be"

"Yet here we are"

"How did I get here?"

"I believe you know that better than me"

"What is my purpose here?"

"I cannot answer that"

"Hrm," Gendo huffed in frustration "You said there were two selves, so where is the other Shinji? How do you observe him?" His annoyance allowed him to refocus himself. Managing to muster a glare up at the boy.

If this affected him, he hid it well. "Now that I can answer, allow me to show you," he spoke calmly

The other Shinji then strolled over to the tv in the center of the room and gave it a surprisingly powerful kick as the image sharpened. It began to show the inside of an empty train carriage, sunlight streaming in. illuminating the slumped over form of Shinji Ikari, fast asleep, leaning on his cello case. A faint line of drool dribbling out the corner of his mouth, still clutching a piece of paper in his hands with one word on it.

"When is this?" Gendo whispered quietly to himself, already knowing the answer, but his logical brain still lagged behind the fantastical events in front of him.

"Shinji received a letter from you and after his uncle talked him into it, he decided to give you a chance and is now heading to Tokyo-3," he spoke softly back, fondly looking at the image of the boy on the screen.

"Can I speak to him?" the words came without his consent. He was barely managing to prevent his face from showing surprise at his own outburst.

The other Shinji nodded his head as he turned his back on the man, slowly walking towards the room's exit as he spoke "When he awakens yes, until then, I suggest you prepare yourself"

"Where do you think you're going?" his tone coming out harsher than he intended, but it had the desired effect, causing the young boy to stop in his tracks

When he turned around, he did not look back at the man. instead looking again at the television, his eyes glazed over with grim determination. This was a look Gendo had never seen before. His eyes widened in. surprise, finally he spoke. "He needs me and he needs you too." This succeeded in quieting the older man as he made his exit.

Previous events left the Elder Ikari in a stupor, as he silently watched his son sleep trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. Each second, his son breathed peacefully in sleep. Which turned into minutes, which turned into hours, and ideas continued to elude him and minutes turned into hours. He slowly sank to the ground, curling up into a ball as he ran through a hundred different conversations in his head with his son none ending well.

His mind wandered back to his last moments before coming here of the person who gave him the resolve to keep living. Trying his best to memorize the looks and smiles she gave him to use as a life preserver for the remnants of his tattered psyche.

'You always had too much faith in me Yui, I'm sorry I always let you down' and the man who manipulated entire nations as mere pawns in his schemes began to softly weep muttering apologies to nothing and no one as his emotions consumed him and he felt truly lost.

Then the man's eyes flashed as he latched onto a thought 'the angels of course that must be my purpose I'll use my foresight of the angels and those foolish old men to assist shiny and atone for my sins so that I can be with my Yui' feeling his old fire roar back to life within him triumphantly standing back up on his feet as he felt his iron resolve returned to him

'Nothing and no one will keep me from my Yui', 'Even yourself?' a voice asked that was squashed as soon as it appeared. His focus then returned to the now stirring form of his son on the screen in front of him.

Gendo watched his son slowly slip back into consciousness, finally awoken by the sound of the train announcing its arrival at Tokyo 3 station. Shinji's face turned red as he wiped the drool off his face and cello case, quickly looking around and realizing he was alone before sighing in relief. Then he headed out the doors as soon as they opened.

"It's now or never,' Gendo thought convincing himself the pit in his stomach meant he contracted some kind of virus, irregardless of how possible that was in his present state

"Hello Shinji" he spoke at the screen smugly grinning as the boy nearly jumped out of his own skin in response.

"F-F-Father?" he said shakily, spinning around trying to pinpoint the source of the voice, noticing again no one was around. "Where are you?"

"I can give you that answer and others if you promise me one thing"

"What is it?" he asked, curiosity filling his voice

"Remain Calm"

"I really am losing it aren't I?" Shinji asked to thin air as he slumped himself against a nearby wall. As he began to realize where his father had been speaking from, he noticeably did not remain calm as his fist tightly clenched and unclenched, crushing the letter held in it.

"I can assure you that I am not a hallucination and if you let me explain you'll soon understand what's happening" trying to keep his voice steady but failing as his words had a dangerous edge to them that made his sons eyes widen in fear and mouth snap shut

Gendo was about to add something when the sound of a loud explosion cut him off, then countered by a terrifying bestial roar in the distance. The combined sound and shockwave contained enough force to cause the ground to tremble slightly beneath Shinji's feat.

"What w-w-was that!" Shinji leapt up from his spot on the ground and was now noticeably shaking. He started frantically looking around for signs of people as he began walking again..

"I believe that would be the JSSDF wasting money and lives trying to fight an Angel"

"An Angel? Like those things from the bible?"

"No, they are the enemy, the monsters who caused the second impact 15 years ago"

"But wait, I thought a meteor strike on the south pole caused the second impact?"

"And nothing about that story seemed suspicious or convenient to you?" Hoping Shinji would ignore that his story was equally suspicious and convenient.

"Sorry, I thought something was weird about the story but I never put much thought into it"

"Luckily the Angel is far away enough now and distracted by opposing ground troops that we should be safe for now," smirking as Shinji exhaled and his body untensed slightly at his words.

"So how did you get…you know, in my head"

"I have been sent to assist you in combating the angels as I have been sent back in time with knowledge of the angels and how to defeat them"

Shinji's mouth slacked open as he put a mouth to cover it and nearly shouted "wait you're a TIME TRAVELER"

"By about a year, yes, I have to be careful about what I share so as to not upset the timeline too much" Gendo had prepared for this conversation, and it had directed itself exactly as he foresaw. It was a flimsy excuse to avoid too many difficult questions in the hope Shinji would buy it.

"You really came back to help me?" Shinji's voice suddenly sounded much younger and frailer. Gendo stumbled back from the screen as Shinji's eyes looked exactly the same as they did then. The day his whole world had collapsed around him and the repressed memories violently forced themselves to the surface.

'He was back in his old Gehirn lab. Fuyutski was giving him a pat on the back and some words of encouragement about the experiment. His beautiful and genius wife gave a double thumbs up and an award-winning smile as she climbed into the sync plug. Then the door slid shut, and the test began, then the sync rate started to climb. 25% 55% 95% he sprinted over to the emergency shutdown, grabbing the switch and slamming it with enough force to dent the metal. It was too late. The hatch opened back up and all that spilled out was LCL and an empty poleaxed. The entire lab was deathly quiet now except for one sound "Mama?"

Gendo violently clenched his fists together as he forced the memories back down. He then opened his eyes and returned to reality he realized he had been silent for a couple minutes now and Shinji was still waiting for an answer "I'm sorry I just…nevermind I was not sent here by choice but I will help you in defeating the Angels, it is the only thing that matters now"

"Oh" Something about the way Shinji's voice sounded then was familiar in a way which made his skin crawl. "So why did you send for me" he then paused and thought about his words more. "Or why did you send for me in the past?"

"You must pilot the Evangelion and defeat the angels' and remember, I am present inside your head. You do not need to speak to communicate with me"

Shinji's voice lost its edge as his palm collided with forehead "Right, sorry," 'Is Evangelion what you've been working on all these years?"

"Yes, it is a Biomechanical close combat vehicle and the only thing capable of defeating an Angel. You will be its pilot'

'Wait! Why am I supposed to pilot it!? shouldn't a soldier do something like that instead of a teenager!?'

'If that were possible, someone would already have done it. You are the only one who can pilot the Evangelion'

'But I don't wanna hurt anybody! I'm not a soldier, I'm just a kid'

'Do you think the enemy is going to care whether you're ready or not? Would it satisfy you to go over and ask the Angel if it can reschedule?' Another chorus of explosions flying overhead interrupted his mental scolding of the boy. The sound was deafening and getting closer. It didn't sound successful. A bloodcurdling roar that sounded completely inhuman drowned the sound of the explosion out.

'I've never even been in a fight before and now you want me to go out and take on some giant monster by MYSELF'

'In the future, I come from you have already defeated this Angel and many others. Do not forget I have knowledge of how the angels were defeated and will be assisting you'

'Wait really I do?'

'Yes, the first Angel you defeated without any training on your first sortie, it was quite impressive work' Gendo hoped his words would have their intended effect studying his son's face. Then grinning smugly as he saw his eyes light up and his son tried his best to play down the effect of his praise.

'What happens if I refuse to do it?' Shinji's fist began to clench upon asking this and again his eyes were downcast, staring at the ground as he continued to walk.

'Then the angels will initiate third impact and finish off humanity'

Shinji's demeanor darkened, both fists now clenched tightly at his sides 'So I don't really have a choice, do I?'

Gendo ignored this outburst and calmly told his son, 'You always have a choice Shinji, I never said they would be fair choices'

This caused Shinji to snort in irritation 'You also had a choice. You could have chosen to give me some form of training so I didn't have to go into this BLIND'

Gendo winced at his son's outrage, glad the observation did not go both ways 'I agree that the situation is not ideal but nothing can change that now'

The father-son argument was interrupted by one of the buildings across the street from Shinji exploding into a shower of rubble. A heavily armed and armored VTOL was in a rapid tailspin, trying to recover altitude as it crashed and exploded into it. The force of the shockwave threw Shinji back onto his tailbone and as he looked up from the blast and the spots cleared from his eyes, he saw what had caused the crash.

In perfect unplanned synchronization, both man and son looked at the massive creature in front of them. Faces in the exact same slack jawed, wide eyed, idiotic expression most commonly seen on fish that have just been pulled out of water.

'Father?' Shinji asked meekly

'Yes?' replied the man, voice sounding out of focus and dazed

'Is that an Angel?'

'I don't know,' he barely whispered, somehow managing to still reach the boy

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW' Shinji mentally exploded at his father as panic temporarily overtook him.

A blue Renault alpine doing a dangerously fast drift to appear right in front of Shinji then interrupted their interruption. The door kicked open to reveal captain Katsuragi with a sheepish grin painting her soft features. "Sorry I'm late, get in quick, we gotta go".

Not needing to be told twice Shinji practically leapt into the passengers seat, slamming the door behind him as he instinctively reached for the seatbelt "You have incredible timing" Shinji's words came out with surprising sincerity causing the woman to flash another smile at him before slamming her foot down on the gas pedal.

AN: "The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly." Translation, it gets better I promise. I am (not) a liar