I started this story in my 101 collection but it got too long to be in the collection. NOW it's a stand alone story. The first two chapters are the same as the chapters included in my 101 collection, starting at chapter 3 it will be new content! I want to let the story do what it wants and not shorten it to fit into a collection . Love you all and thanks for all the kindness and comments. You are all amazing!

Elliot poked his head into Olivia's office, two coffees in hand. "Busy?" He asked.

She smiled, "Yes, but I have a minute." She waved him in.

He looked back into the bullpen once more before entering her office, "What's going on out there?" The rooms held an air of angst. He set a coffee on her desk, and then sat in the chair across from her.

"I sent Velasco out to check out a lead with Churlish. I'm assuming Muncy wanted to go." She took a swig of coffee.

"To chase down that Chili guy? Good call on that one." He eyed her over his coffee cup as he took another drink.

She leaned back in her chair, "Velasco asked if he could take her instead," she said casually.

He let out a small chuckle, "Of course he did." His eyes met hers with humor. He probably remembered every time they requested each other on a particularly personal case.

Olivia's demeanor changed and she picked at the corner of the coffee cup sleeve. "I told him that the only thing worse than a partner with no loyalty is a partner with blind loyalty." Her eyes found his and the both understood the implications in that statement.

Silence permeated the air.

He took a sip of his coffee. "Is that how you felt about our partnership? Blindly loyal?"

"I don't know." She continued picking at the coffee sleeve. "I idiotically trusted you in interrogation when I knew better. That came back to bite me in the ass later."

He shook his head adamantly, "That was different."

"Was it though?" She asked skeptically. Her eyes finally lifted back to his.

"Now as captain I have no idea why Cragen kept us together so long."

"Is that what you're trying to avoid here? A Benson and Stabler encore?" His voice was defensive. "He kept us together because we worked well together. We solved cases."

Her eyes dropped again, "Sure, but at what cost?" He watched her in mild disbelief. He would never trade their years of partnership, but she obviously could.

She noticed the rising tension and hurried to elaborate, "I think he kept us together because he figured your marriage would keep the professional barrier in tact, but all it did was complicate your marriage and make you leave. I don't know," those soulful brown eyes held his. "Do you ever wish he would have split us? Even if it it hurt us? If it was what was best for us?" She knew her experience with the blurred lines of partnership probably contributed to her actions regarding Muncy and Velasco.

He looked as if he was stifling a deep emotional response. She wasn't sure if it was sadness or anger. Probably both. "I don't know. It probably would have made things simpler for Cragen." His eyes filled with an intensity that made her shift with mild discomfort. "But I don't know that I ever would have been happy without you. Even after ten years I couldn't let you go…"

Damn him and those perfect blue eyes. The discomfort she felt effectively dropped the mantle of captain back into place. She stood, indicating the end of the conversation, "I can't talk about this right now. I have a meeting." She knew what she was doing and he knew it too. She was withdrawing, like she always did when things got too personal.

He stood in obvious resignation. As he headed towards the door he turned back. "One day we are going to have to talk about this Liv." He shrugged his shoulders, "We can't put it off forever." His hands dropped into his pockets, "Things are never going to be good between us until then." He gave her one more sad glance before leaving her office.

-000-

In what felt like a predictable pattern, Fin sauntered into her office after Elliot left. He shut her door and sat in the chair Elliot previously occupied.

He sat quietly until the silence became unbearable. She broke the stalemate, "What?" She felt her defensiveness barking through her tone.

"Oh you know. Just checking on my captain who usually gets a little terse after a visit from a certain detective."

"Go back to work Fin."

"Liv," he scolded.

"No." She brushed him off. " I'm really not talking about this." She started shuffling papers on her desk.

"Okay," he lifted his hands in defeat. "You know where to find me." He pressed his hands into his knees to stand up.

She sighed and dropped her head into her hand. "I may have implied our lives would have been better if Cragen split us up early on."

Fin visibly winced, "Damn Liv. Just punch the guy in the gut, why don't ya."

She shook her head, "How could he not feel that way, at least to some extent? We got in the way of each other in nearly every part of our lives."

Fin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "That's probably not how he thinks of it."

She let out a frustrated groan. "What do you mean?"

"Look, he all but sacrificed his marriage to salvage your partnership. I'm sure it was a slap in the face when you told him it wasn't worth it."

"That's not what I meant," she insisted.

"Are you sure? Are you sure you wished things never went as far as they did? Think if the pain. Was it worth it? Would you have rather lived your life without that relationship? No matter how complicated it's always been? " he shook his head, "You forget, I'm the only one left that remembers the Stabler aftermath. Based on that reaction alone. I know the answer."

"There are a lot of things I hate about Stabler, you know that, but his one redeeming quality in my eyes was his stubborn devotion to you."

She felt a little miffed. There was a huge flaw with that devotion. "He left remember?"

Fin's face was doing that thing it did when he was about to drop some truth. "Have you asked him why? Cuz I suspect it was some self sacrificing move for your benefit."

"How could his absence possibly benefit me?" She scoffed. This conversation was getting tedious.

"I'm not sayin I have any idea what that man is thinking, but he could have left because of all the things you just said. You got in each other's way so he removed himself from the equation. I'm not telling you what to do. Hell, I could care less about what he feels. But maybe you should consider some of the things he felt. This matters to you. And I hate to say it, but I agree with the man, whatever you guys have going on won't get fixed by avoiding the issues."

She chewed on his words. She hated when Fin came into her office and casually dropped his truth bombs. "Ughhhh." She groaned. She stood and grabbed her purse. "Damn it, Fin. I gotta go."

This was getting long- part 2 coming soon-