Author's Notes: Let's start ANOTHER fic, hooray! Dedicated to Josh1013
Audience of One
Chapter One
The room was uproarious with excitement. The silly colored streamers only added to that. The Alexandrian Castle's Ball Room was filled with extravagant ballooned dresses and the finest silk vests. Laughs rang out, along with the clanking of goblets. It seemed, after eighteen months, that everything was finally falling into place. Mercantiles, seamstresses, pottery designers, and all those who crafted with their hands could be merry. Lindblum and Alexandria had met their agreement. Finally, the kingdoms could solidify. At the end of a long table, covered in the finest spreads of foods and donated runners, sat Queen Garnet. She stared blankly ahead at a block of gelatin on a silver platter that seemed to bob with everyone's movement. Her hand was loosely wrapped around the stem of a wine glass, the condensation unnoticed now. The voices of the room echoed endlessly through her ears as the celebration continued despite her disassociation. As she watched the apple wedges move through the congealed gelatin, she couldn't help but relate to them. Stuck in a dome, glistening with light, unable to reach for her longings or do a damned thing for herself. Slowly, she blinked, all the noise around her falling away. Garnet felt as meaningless as that dessert. Her pulsating heart was beginning to throb in her ears and the entire party was getting drowned out. The squeals of the violin ceased to ring out. The laughter of the gossiping women beside her was gone. Garnet's eyelashes fluttered every so slightly. In that crowded room, she was certain she could scream at the top of her very lungs and not a single person would care or take notice. Never before had she felt so utterly low. She thought she knew what the rocks at the bottom felt like, but she was experiencing a whole new world of pain she desperately wanted to be rid of. Her dark eyes were still locked on the gelatin that slowly became more unappealing with each passing moment. Her wine glass pressed to her rosy lips and she downed an entire gulp in one swoop. The black velvet dress, with its long sleeves, and silvery embellished torso, that clung to her wiry body was starting to become heavy and constricting.
"Garnet!" Lady Hilda said from beside her for the third time. Garnet was startled in her chair as she returned to the scene, the sounds flooding in like she was emerging through water. Hilda's face was only inches from Garnet as she pressed her hand to the Queen's arm. She also had her own drink and was dressed up in an extravagant lacy powder pink dress with a skirt Garnet was certain she could take flight in. Beside her was one of her many friends and followers. "Goodness, are you going to sit here and stare at the food all night? This is your party. You should be mingling and sending yourself over the moon, darling!" Garnet pursed her lips and lowered her eyes to look at her glass.
"I need more wine," was all she could think to say, quickly escaping from her aunt's pestering touch.
Hilda stared after her for a moment before she forced a smile and a stiff laugh. "Oh, she's just nervous. Most bride's are, wouldn't you agree, darling?"
Garnet had to pass a sea of faces to make it to the refreshment table. Many people stopped to greet her, kiss her hand, and ask about her excitement. Nervously, Garnet ran her hand along her full skirt and nodded along before finding her exit from the exchange. She thought she was losing her mind as the violins changed key. Goosebumps puckered over her skin as she dryly asked for more of the strawberry wine, which was easily becoming a fan favorite. She tried not to look at anyone as she tucked an onyx lock behind her ear and stole glances across the packed room. As she accepted her glass back, she tried to wander in a way that would make it noticeable she wanted little interaction. Instead, she looked between bodies, over shoulders, and around bodices to plan her next steps. It was as if she were a mouse planning her escape through a variety of traps. As she approached the window, she couldn't help but sigh as she looked at the full moon piercing the pitch sky. Behind her, the movement and noise was easily becoming forgotten again. She watched the sky earnestly. The stars alone procured emotions she hated but willingly felt. Was he under the same stars? What was he even doing? Eighteen whole months had passed and it hadn't been fast for her. Garnet felt every day wholly. And not a second passed where she didn't feel that sense of loss pricking her like pins and needles. It was so close, she reasoned. What was she thinking all those months ago? She hugged her wine glass closely. She couldn't help but wonder why the hell she was here. What was going on? Garnet had lost control. When would it be her turn to do what she desired? When would someone ask her what she wanted?
"There you are," a calloused hand came to run along her velvet arm. Garnet felt her heart plummet and she squeezed her wine glass so tightly, she was certain it would explode. Slowly, she pulled her dark eyes away from the night sky to find a pair of eyes staring back at her, filled with stars and excitement. Olive green, set beneath bold brows, and forever disheveled chestnut brown hair. Liam Winters' face was bright and merry that evening as his arm came even further around her wiry shoulders, drawing her near to him. She drank her wine as a means to stall. "People keep asking where my bride is. I'm starting to believe the response of you in the powder room blushing is falling flat."
"I don't know a lot of people here," Garnet said, her eyes flicking towards the ballroom. A good majority of the people were friends of Hilda's and Liam's mothers. Plus a lot of engineer friends and pilots. "It's more comforting to wander around rather than stand near someone uncomfortably."
"Sweetheart, just stick close to me," Liam grinned, giving her shoulder a pinch. "There are some people I'd really like you to meet tonight."
And just like that, Garnet was swept away from the gentle moon that beckoned for her broken heart to embrace it. She did her best to put on her fake smile as Liam took her to several different people. Faking it nowadays wasn't hard anymore. It had become a second nature- a necessary evil to survive. Garnet would fake it until she made it for the rest of her days, she was convinced. She met some of Liam's friends from engineering school. There were childhood friends that all vividly remembered their school yard days. They all punched arms and jokingly teased each other. Meanwhile, Garnet simply stood beneath the words, feeling herself sinking lower and lower by the moment. Her mind was starting to wonder away from her again as she drank her wine.
Eighteen months ago, she had watched him pack a meager bag for himself. He took tunics and undershirts that had belonged to the castle, but Garnet urged go with him. That morning, a light fog was rising from the river and their ankles cut through it as, together, they made their way to the gondola. Before he had stepped on that boat, Garnet had pressed two things into his hands. In one palm, he grinned, as he found a small linen knotted together. Inside were oatmeal cookies. An Alexandrian staple, Garnet insisted. In the other palm, glistening in the early morning light, was a bracelet from Garnet's childhood. It was a simple silver band that had doves and debutantes stamped into the metal. Garnet asked him to wear it. To remember her by. She watched as he fastened it around his wrist. And then came the worst part: the moment when he wrapped his arms around her and drew her into his chest. He promised he'd write. He'd take as many mental images as he could to share with her. He'd come back for the holidays and her birthday. They would again share a life together and he promised it would not be brief. Their lips met intensely and Garnet swore she would wait for him. He was the only one on her mind. The only one who could fit in her heart. She watched as he stepped onto that buckling gondola with his future now renewed and staring him right back in the face. The pain of him leaving never completely dulled. With time, Beatrix and Steiner were certain that Garnet would learn to cope with his absence again. But by the time it became the holiday season, twelve months later, she hadn't received a single letter from him. And when her birthday rolled around that next spring, he never made an appearance at her ball. It felt like after so much time and energy had been consumed fighting to survive a year of her life, Garnet was only at square one all over again. She was alone. And he was missing.
After her nineteenth birthday, something snapped or pulled or entirely broke inside of Garnet. She was growing much more reclusive. And her ability to work at a good speed and for a long time had been hindered greatly. It was increasingly difficult to concentrate most days. Some mornings, she refused to leave her chambers. By lunch time, she was requesting wine. The letters from her citizens were piling up and her interest in anything productive was practically extinguished. Beatrix and Steiner tried to be as supportive as they could. Their son, Addam, with his growth, was also as demanding as the grief-stricken monarch and slowly, the couple were reaching their wits end on how to balance it all. They knew most nights she was restless in her chambers. She'd thrash about and down her wine and practically beg life to give her any semblance of a clue as to what the hell was going on. Did he not care anymore? Was he injured? Did he get lost again? Or was it all an elaborate ploy to pull her heart strings and disappear, freeing himself of any baggage. He had said it himself: he didn't want to be king. But did that mean he did not want anything to do with her? After all their history and the collective memories they had accumulated, what made anything about leaving so easy? She didn't want to give up on this. Like most things, however, she had no option. She simply had to grin and bear it.
Shortly before summer, Beatrix must have sent a very convincing, sincere letter of distress to the castle of Lindblum. By dawn the next day, Lady Hilda and Lady Eiko had appeared. Garnet awoke to them in her chambers. One look at the Queen's glassy, dark eyes was the only indication to the two that she was self-destructing to the max. Garnet was the lowest she had ever felt. At least, that's what she thought at the time. Trying to recall that period in her life was difficult. The memories were foggy and out of order. She couldn't even remember how everything transpired. Eventually, she started working again. And by the mid-summer, she was sporting an impressive engagement ring from none other than Sir Liam Winters. It was heavily celebrated in the tabloids and hopeless romantics ate the story up. They seemed like a perfect match to the outside world. Maybe they were right, Garnet wondered. Some days it felt utterly wrong, however. But she just didn't know anymore. She questioned her own judgment and hid her battle scars with great shame.
"Thanks for inviting me to the engagement party," Liam's friend was saying with a grin. He tilted his wine back and forth before letting out a low whistle. "Super fancy for you. Guess I didn't expect the boy who flunked the first year of engineer school to become the top dog and a King."
"It's all about being in the right place at the right time, Gerald," Liam laughed.
"An honor to meet you, Your Majesty," Gerald offered his hand out. Garnet blinked herself back into the scene before rigidly extending her hand so he could kiss her knuckles. "I don't know how this smooth bastard roped you in, but you're a lucky lady, I swear on that." He stuck his hand in his pocket and raised his eyebrows at Liam. "So, what does this mean for your engineering? Is Alexandria getting all the fancy airships now?"
A weight was mounting in Garnet's chest in that next moment. She looked down to her wine for a beat before she looked to Liam. "I'm going to step into the garden." She pressed past him before he could even reply. She walked with sure steps, her back as straight as an arrow. Garnet glanced fleetingly over her shoulder as she pushed herself out the door. She was thankful Liam decided not to pursue her. There was a portion of their relationship completely untouched. And for Garnet, it was understanding. She still couldn't forgive him. She didn't think she ever would. Her heels echoed across the gleaming tile as she burst into the cool nighttime. She balled her hand into a fist as she beelined down towards the foggy river. How could she ever forgive anyone for anything? Her Aunt Hilda claimed she understood but Garnet saw her as too daft. Why weren't her friends more worried? Why wasn't anyone putting their foot down? Why wasn't she? Her velvet skirt brushed against her legs as she tilted her head back and chugged her wine. The milky moon caught her attention and she stared sourly at it. Was she only damned now to see it from her plush prison? Garnet reared her arm back and threw the wine glass to her feet, listening to it shatter. She was shaking now as she brought her hands up and ran her fingers through her hair. She was sweaty.
"Well?" Garnet shouted at the moon. "What do you want me to do, you absolute bastard?!" Only the chirping creatures of the night answered her. She let out a flustered sigh and ran her wet palms against her skirt. Garnet looked down to the shards of her wine glass glimmering in the moonlight. It was as if she were looking at her own heart. She squeezed her eyes shut in that moment before she knelt down and began carefully collecting the glass into her palm. Garnet paused again, though, and lifted her eyes to the moon. Her pupils were shimmering and her breathing shallowed. "Has this all been one elaborate game? A test?" She whispered, closing her hand around the glass. "Is this all a part of your plan? To make me realize what a fool I actually am?" She felt warm blood in her palm and slowly unfurled her fingers to watch it dribble off the sides of her hands.
"Garnet?" She gasped sharply and looked over her shoulder to see Liam at the base of the steps. He rushed forward when he saw her. "By the gods, are you okay? What happened?"
"Oh, it was an accident," Garnet shook her head, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I dropped my glass and then mistakenly tried to pick it up. I'm fine. Really."
"Come on, sweetheart," Liam brushed the glass from her hand and inspected her palm. "Let's get you inside and have this washed up. Supper will be served soon." He pulled his arms protectively around her and began leading her away. Just as they climbed the stairs, Garnet glanced over her shoulder once more to look at the glass beneath the full moon.
...
Tea time with Lady Hilda was torture. Garnet would have rather tried to dig her eyes out with a rusty spoon. But she sat properly, her ankles crossed politely, and her tea saucer delicately sat in her lap. Beside her, Eiko was helping herself to the thumbprint cookies with raspberry jam. Beatrix was also at these events, but rarely could keep up with Hilda's fast tongue as she tried to make sure her toddler didn't find himself in trouble. At nearly two years old, Addam Steiner was shaping up to be a carbon copy of his father. Dark beady little eyes. Brown hair that was absolutely straight. There wasn't an inkling of Beatrix to be found beside those rosy cheeks she worried he'd grow out of. Hilda had several pieces of parchment arranged around her. It irked Garnet every time she pecked the quill to her tongue before dabbing it in ink and jotting her next thought down. The Lady let out a deep sigh, smiling nonetheless.
"Well, it's a big day for all of us," Hilda said, smashing a check across the parchment. "Seven days to go until the wedding, darling. How are you feeling?"
Nervously, Garnet tapped her engagement ring against the handle of her tea cup. Beatrix watched her carefully from across the room. The General couldn't lie and say she wasn't worried for Garnet. She hadn't been herself in well over a year. Never before had Beatrix seen Garnet so absolutely fragile. Some days, she was surprised the Queen hadn't done something ridiculous or scary with how her mental state was outwardly portrayed. But that never seemed to present itself to Hilda. For Hilda, she was dead certain all Garnet needed to do was settle down with someone and pop out a few kids. Garnet managed put on her signature fake smile, specially crafted for Hilda.
"It's nerve-wracking, obviously! I am still having a hard time imagining all of it."
"Well, darling, let me paint a picture," Hilda grinned widely, lifting her notes up. "Of course, we've all see the gown and it's smashing! The tailor confirmed today that alterations will be complete. For the flowers, we'll have plenty of lavender, daisies, and tulips to really jazz up the garden! People will think they're somewhere not nearly as dreadfully hot as Alexandria can be these days. It will be so refreshing and fragrant. Would you believe the old grounds keeper told me they still have the pergola your mother and father were wed under? It's still in stunning condition, too, darling, and not a day out of style. I had the seamstresses sew up yellow runners for the table so there's plenty of pastel pop!" She paused for a moment and began reaching for the coffee table, but stopped abruptly. "Where are the cucumber finger sandwiches? I know I requested them!" Beatrix straightened up across the room, balancing Addam on her hip. "Oh, this will not do. I never have tea without cucumber sandwiches." Hilda shook her head, as if she were absolutely offended. "We only have a week to get these chefs into shape, darling. They cannot do something like this at the wedding. What will we do if they forget even the tiniest detail? If the butter isn't carved to look like doves, it will be like a spit in the Queen's face."
"I'll go check on that," Beatrix said, heading for the door with her fidgety toddler.
"I will go, too," Hilda rose. "They need a good talking to!"
The door shut behind them and Garnet found herself alone with Eiko. The Queen and Lady in the past year and a half hadn't had much time together. Eiko had plenty of classes to keep her busy and her etiquette within reason. And Garnet hadn't exactly been the fondest company. Anxiously, Garnet downed all her tea and set the cup on the coffee table. She then crossed to the nearest window, looking down to see the gardeners hard at work.
"You know, my mother may not be that sharp, but you're a terrible liar," Eiko said suddenly from where she sat on the couch with her eclairs. Garnet's eyes shot over her shoulder and she was silent as she watched the young girl. "Why are you going through with all of this, Dagger? Zidane's still out there, y'know."
Garnet pursed her lips and pulled the tulle curtain back to look over Alexandria. "Not a single letter. No updates. That doesn't seem very characteristic, Eiko."
"Yeah, and what do we know?" Eiko shrugged. "Last time he was gone, it was about this length of time." Garnet was silent as she lowered her dark eyes. Eiko pulled herself off the couch and slid her treat onto the table. "Come on, Dagger. Liam? This isn't like you. What's wrong with you? Last time he was gone, you wanted to find him. Why don't you now?"
Garnet felt that same weight in her chest and it was beginning to feel like she couldn't take a deep breath. She turned towards Eiko with a hot face. "What has gotten into you? Being so blunt with me, now, of all times?"
"I've just been listening to my mom go on and on about this marriage like it's the wedding of a century!" Eiko held her arms out at her side. "But I know you, Dagger. You haven't been yourself since Zidane left for the Black Mage Village. What, do you think he's dead or something?"
"Enough," Garnet turned away and squeezed her eyes shut. "Eiko, I do not expect you to understand..."
"Oh, I understand," Eiko crossed her arms over her chest, defiantly. "It looks to me that you're giving up on him. And the Dagger I know would never-"
"Stop!" Garnet's voice rose several octaves and she turned to the small Lady, practically shaking on her frame. "You could never understand how hard all of this is, Eiko! What am I supposed to do?! Tell me! I have spent the last few years of my life pining for someone who always has a bigger obstacle in his life to climb. I am not giving up. I am simply letting go."
Eiko's face softened. "But... you love him... don't you?"
Garnet turned back towards the window, her heart beating painfully in her chest. "I am beginning to wonder if he ever loved me. Maybe... it was just the idea of me."
"No way! You can't talk about Zidane like that," Eiko shook her head. "Everyone knows he's head over heels for you."
"Then where is he!?" Garnet curled her hands into fists. "Why hasn't he even thought to send me a letter?! Let me know he's alive out there and doing good?" She turned back to Eiko now as she felt everything unleashing inside her broken body. "We can play make believe all day and design fantasies of him helping the Mages with their gardens and dutifully reading Vivi's notes, but facts are facts, Eiko. He's not here. And who knows if he'll ever come back. Who knows if he even wants to. He doesn't want this life. And maybe he's right. Maybe I don't want this either!"
Eiko's arms deflated to her side, her blue eyes wide and shocked. "Dagger...? What are you saying?"
Garnet felt frustration bubbling just beneath her skin and she sighed, shaking her head. "Forget I said anything, Eiko. Can we just... forget this entire conversation?"
"Dagger..." Eiko's voice was airy and hurt as she slowly approached her tense friend. "What's going on? You know, you don't have to suffer in silence."
"I'm fine," Garnet said. She didn't know if she was trying to convince Eiko or herself. She brought her hand to Eiko's shoulder. "You don't have to worry about me."
"So... you want this?"
Garnet ran her tongue along the roof of her mouth. Luckily, she didn't have to answer as Hilda threw the door open, triumphantly carrying a silver platter of cucumber sandwiches. "Okay, darlings, we didn't lose too much time! Let's talk about the centerpieces!"
Eiko cast one more glance to Garnet before she trudged back to her seat on the couch.
...
The quietness of her chambers was both a gift and a curse. She sat on the floor of her bedroom as she wrangled a corkscrew off the wine bottle and poured herself a hefty glass. The balcony doors were open and the fresh air brushed against her cotton nightgown. It was hard to believe that in just seven days, there would be someone sharing her chambers with her. Her stomach twisted over how it certainly wasn't anyone she was excited about. She let out a long sigh as she took her first sip of wine. She felt a headache coming on but was finding it difficult to make any rational decision. Garnet nursed her glass as she fell back against the trunk at the foot of her poster bed. She stared through the open door at the damned moon again.
"I'm a mess, aren't I?" She whispered, lowering her glass to her lap. "What happened to you always being there for me in a way I did not expect and when things were an utter mess?" Her eyes were beginning to throb as she suffered a wave of deja vu. How many night time dialogues had she had with this person? How many hours of her life had she spent pining for something that was always on the tips of her fingers, but completely unobtainable? And yet, she couldn't help but wonder why. What about Zidane Tribal drew her so endlessly to him? What about her wasn't good enough? She looked back to the moon intensely. "I'd throw my crown down for you. In a heartbeat." The moment those words left her lips, it suddenly felt so real. She blinked rapidly and sat forward, crossing her legs. "If this isn't the life we want to share... we don't have to." Slowly, she drank her wine, her eyes never leaving the quiet moon staring back.
"All I want, Zidane, is a life less frightening."