The door slammed shut behind him as he rage-walked out of the room, his anger at what he'd just heard those women say, at what had spilled from Syed's lips, brought his blood to an almost boiling point. How dare they? How dare they pass comment on his life like that? Who the hell did they think they were?! He was gay, he loved like they loved, kissed like they kissed.
But hearing Syed say what he'd said; that had stung Christian. It had cut him deep and he was infuriated with him. What happened to that budding friendship they'd built up over the last few months? Where was the loyalty Christian thought he'd get from him?
Fuck he was angry and, when Christian was this kind of angry, he usually went out and found some random bloke to fuck his feelings away. But that held no interest for him right now. In fact, he hadn't fucked anyone for a few months, not since he'd started fantasising about Syed. Well that's done for now he thought to himself. He could go to hell as far as Christian was concerned.
Any thoughts he'd had for Syed, any desires that had been building up at an alarming rate would surely vanish now, wouldn't they? He didn't know why he'd entertained them in the first place. He wasn't gullible enough to think that Syed was interested in him in that way. Apart from the fact he and Amira were together he could spot a closeted gay man a mile away and Syed was not one of them. Sure there were the stolen glances Christian thought he'd caught every now and then and the touches that just weren't necessary but Christian had almost convinced himself that he'd over fabricated those just to satisfy his own hunger for him; they were something to cling on to when he fucked himself nightly to the indulgent fantasies of the two of them together that he fabricated out of nowhere.
God how he wanted him though. He was so unbelievably attractive that Christian was a little lost for words around him sometimes. At the most random moments he would find himself staring longingly at Syed, completely in awe of his beauty and he was in a constant state of arousal around him. That arousal heightened whenever Syed touched him, something he seemed to do more often lately, and Christian would feel his insides jump in a lovestruck teenager kind of way. God that sounds pathetic he told himself, he wasn't used to being like this. He had a reputation for being a love-'em-and-leave-'em type; the most single man in London and he'd been unashamedly proud of it. But there was something about Syed that he just couldn't shake.
Maybe it was that look he gave him. A look he'd only ever seen Syed wear around him. He'd witnessed it a handful of times and convinced himself that Syed was delicately flirting with him. He was so sure of it, or hopeful of it, that he'd found himself examining Syed's face whenever he saw him talking to other people; but he never saw him use that look apart from when he was with Christian. In fact, he'd seen it just a few hours ago, before the verbal insults happened and, as aggravated as Christian was with him, he still couldn't stop a small smile from creeping on to his face as he thought of it. Fuck! That look! He floored him with that look. Jesus it stirred every sensation in Christian's being as he remembered every tiny detail of it; how Syed would dip his head, ever so slightly and his eyes would tilt upwards. He'd breath in, a little deeper than he needed to, run the tip of his tongue over his top lip and leave his lips parted just a fraction as his breath slowly escaped his mouth. And that's all it took, that was the look that Christian always found himself powerless against. Oh those eyes! Christian had no doubt that those dark pools of Syed's could look in to his soul. And his lips, what he wouldn't give to taste, them feel their softness just once.
His anger pushed forward, reminding him that this wasn't what he should be thinking of. His arousal subsided as he recalled his words. He still couldn't get past what he'd said it him. He would never have believed that he was like that, that he could be so... cruel. And it had hurt him to hear him say those things to him, he felt sore as he remembered the look of (almost) disgust on his face as the words left his mouth.
Christian found himself beginning to question their entire friendship. Was it even a friendship? Or had he fabricated that too? No, they'd been close these last few months and, even if Syed didn't agree with how Christian chose to live his life, to say what he'd said, to not defend him when those women said those things to him? That was no friend. He could still hear it in his ears "your poor mother... just not in my faith". I mean, come on!
Walking towards the square he wondered whether Syed had started to notice the small change in Christian's attitude towards him. No, he can't have, Christian had been so careful. As hard as he'd tried not to, sometimes he just couldn't control his flirtatious nature around him but he'd been so cautious. He did everything he could to make sure there was nothing that set Syed apart from how he was towards everyone else. He'd even started flirting a little with Mas for goodness sake, just to quash any obviousness that was starting to seep out.
Before Christian realised it he was standing in the gardens of the square with no idea where to go. He couldn't go in to the Vic, he was in no mood for chit-chat and Roxy would instantly see his mood and try and get the cause of it out of him. Talking about it, reliving it and saying out loud what had happened would only make it worse. And he didn't want to go home to the flat, he'd just end up pacing the floor or sitting with nothing but his thoughts slowly eating away at him. No, he needed to be busy, he needed to be doing something.
So he went to the unit. He had no doubt that Syed hadn't cleared up earlier so he fished his keys from his pocket and made his way over. Unlocking the door and stepping in he saw the mess that was before him and sighed, half in annoyance and half in relief. For once he was grateful Syed was so messy and shirked the clean-up he should have finished hours ago. At least this would keep him occupied for an hour or so and, hopefully, he would have calmed down a little by then.
He turned the tap so the water flowed in to the sink and waited impatiently for in to fill before picking up a ladle and throwing it as hard as he could across the room in an attempt to expel the anger and hurt he that was still inside him. It hit the wall next to where Syed's jacket hung before clattering loudly on the floor.