She almost called Liz to tell her not to come. She was nervous. The kids might want her there, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was intruding. She wanted to let them be and allow one day to be about their mom without the distraction of Olivia. Heaven knew she was enough of a distraction when Kathy was alive, and she could let the woman have her family to herself even in death. She felt all around uncomfortable.

The knock at the door broke her internal spiral, but her heart still felt like it was pounding out of her chest. "Noah, Liz is here!"

Noah bounced around the corner, and met her by the front door. She took one more nervous breath before opening the door. Liz seemed more than happy to see them, which made her feel at least a little bit at ease.

"Guys ready to go?" Liz asked.

"Yup!" Noah answered for the both of them.

Liz gave him a genuine smile. "Let's go then!"

-000-

Olivia tried to refrain from bouncing her knee nervously throughout the ride to the restaurant. She was mostly successful. They were about five minutes away when Lizzie reached out to reassure her.

"We want you there Liv. All of us. You don't have to worry about that." Liz said softly.

Olivia glanced back at Noah who was deeply engrossed in a game on his phone. He wouldn't be listening in.

"I know you guys are fine. It's just the idea of it all."

"What do you mean?" Liz asked with sincerity.

Olivia sighed. "I liked your mom. We weren't ever friends really, but I think we respected each other and the role we played in your dad's life."

"But?" Liz prodded.

"I was always in the way Liz. I always felt like I came between them. And it's probably obvious why." She swallowed back her nerves.

Liz nodded, but remained silent. The thing about Liz was she never said something she didn't mean. She was a careful person, perceptive m, a little shy, but not as much as she had been.

"You think you created the problems in my parent's marriage. Is that what you meant when you said you were in the way?"

"Yes."

"You know as well as I do that my parents' issues weren't all about you."

"But some of it was. I feel a little weird about crashing your mom's birthday. I feel like I'm in the way all over again." Olivia was surprised at her own honesty. There was something about Liz's demeanor that drew out honest conversation.

Liz considered her words. "Mom is gone Liv. It's hard on all of us. But the opportunity to have you back in our lives has softened the blow. I get that you thought you were in the way, a distraction, but for that not what you were for us kids. You were our dads partner. Our friend. You were as much a part of us as any other family member could be. I know the relationship with my mom was strained, and I think she blamed you for a lot of stuff you weren't responsible for. But no matter hee feelings about you, she allowed you around us. She allowed us to love you. And now that she's gone, I don't think anything changes. She still loves us. She still wants us to be happy, and if having you and Noah with us makes us feel complete…I think she would be okay with that."

She was right of course, but she really couldn't shake the feeling of intrusion. Maybe it was more about her than about them, but she struggled to feel like part of them. She was no longer an outsider looking in, but she sometimes still felt that way.

"Maybe I just need to get used to the idea of having this many people in my life. I never had a family, not really so it all feels…strange I guess."

"I can understand that, and I get that your experiences with family weren't what they should have been, but maybe that means you should just trust us. We are not perfect…especially Dickie…" Olivia laughed at the jab. "But we do know how to be a family and we do know how to care for each other." Liz reached for her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "Thrust us when we say we want you to be a part of us. We aren't saying it because we want Dad to be happy. We are saying it because you make us happy too."

Her eyes began to water. "Damn Liz you're making me cry."

"Good! Maybe it's finally sinking in." Liz returned her eyes to the road. "You two may still be Benson's but you are Stabler's in our hearts. You're one of us, and there's not a whole lot you can do about it."

"Thank you Liz."

"Hey, I'm just relaying what all of my siblings are thinking. We love you and that little guy, and we want you to always be a part of everything we do…even things that have to do with mom."

She was grateful for Liz's reassurance. The anxiety that had gripped her chest receded, and she felt more relaxed. Maybe it would take a little time, but she would learn how to be a part of a family with hearts as big as theirs.

-000-

"I get to sit by Noah!" Dickie called as they all entered the restaurant.

"Oh come on! I wanted to sit by Noah," Kathleen complained.

Noah laughed at their antics. "You guys can both sit by me. I don't have to sit by my mom all the time."

"Yes!" Kathleen gave Dickie a high five like they one some kind of prize.

Noah took off towards the table with Dickie and Kathleen. Elliot slipped an arm around Olivia's waist, and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I'm glad you came," he whispered in her ear.

"They didn't really give me much of a choice," she laughed. More seriously she added, "I know they want me here, but it just feels…weird."

"I get that. But it means a lot to me and to them that you're here. That you are pushing through this awkward mess for all of our sakes." He dropped another kiss high on her cheek.

"Hey!" Dickie called over to the couple from the table they were now sitting at. "I'm not paying for this so get over her."

Elliot groaned and dropped his head onto her shoulder. "He's such an ass," he complained.

Olivia lifted his head and took half a step back. "I'm actually starting to find him a little funny," she admitted.

"Oh God. Please don't tell him that. He'll be insufferable."

She chuckled. "Our little secret," she said before pecking his lips quickly.

A few errant whistles came their way, with accompanying giggles. She shook her head. It was always a combination of chaos and love when they were all together and she wouldn't want it any other way.

-000-

Her eyes were closed as she hugged the pillow in front of her. She survived the day, even if she wasn't sure she would. The sound of the shower running provided a sort of soothing background noise, allowing her to decompress.

She was drifting off when a pair of warm arms wrapped around her. He pulled her towards him until her backside was pressed into his bare chest. He pressed a lingering kiss behind her ear. "Thank you for today," he whispered.

He dropped two lingering kisses to the side of her neck. She was amazed how she could still be so thoroughly overwhelmed by him. The smell of his body wash straight out of the shower was familiar, but intoxicating.

"It was nothing. I just showed up," she shrugged off the praise.

His mouth continued to travel down her neck until he reached her shoulder. "That wasn't nothing. I know exactly how hard that was for you, but you did it anyway."

She felt her breathing pick up when he pushed her shirt and bra strap off of her shoulder. She closed her eyes, savoring the sensation of his mouth on her body. He loosened his grip on her so she could roll towards him.

He found her collarbone and his teeth grazed. The length of it. He continued kissing her, moving slowly towards the edge of her scoop neck tee.

In one fluid movement she was beneath him, hair spread wildly across her pillow. His mouth found hers and he kissed her deep and slow. He pulled back, allowing them both to take a couple gasping breaths. His forehead pressed to hers, and his lips brushed hers with every word he spoke. "I love you," his voice was full of raw emotion, and she knew he meant it with every fiber of his being.

He gently teased the corner of her mouth with his tongue. She snatched his lips with hers, kissing him roughly. Passionately. She pushed his shoulders away, and chased the movement until he laid on his back with her on top of him. She continued kissing him deeply, her tongue tangling with his. He moaned into her mouth as his hands slipped beneath her pants to hold her ass.

The feeling fueled an already blazing fire within her. She trailed her lips across his jaw line until she was nipping at his ear. She paused for a minute so she could whisper in his ear.

"I love you too," her voice was low and breathy. Her chest continued to rapidly rise and fall. "I always have…and always will.