Chapter 40 - We need to talk about Leila
« La petite fille danse dans la chambre. » Phoebe reads from the whiteboard. "The little girl is dancing in the bedroom" She translates easily.
"Very well Phoebe. Teddy, your turn."
Teddy complies « Le petit garçon joue dans le jardin. » He scratches his head, thinking for a second, before venturing "The little boy is playing in the… yard?"
"Yes, that's perfect. In the garden, or in the yard." Ana praises him. Both their accents are really good, and so are their understanding of the different types of present between English and French and Ana is very proud of them.
This morning, Ana had been both happy and anxious about going back to the "classroom" so to speak. Happy, because after almost one week, it felt so good to finally reunite with her two pupils and to resume the lessons. And anxious because she did not know if it would be possible for the children, and even for her, to go back to their previous teacher-pupils relationship after everything that happened, in particular with this growing attachment between them. After all, in these past six days without class, Ana had become their father's girlfriend, which kind of blurs the lines a little. But this morning, everyone just went back to their previous behaviors, to Ana's relief. She is the teacher and they are the pupils when in the classroom, and she is their father's girlfriend and their nanny the rest of the time. She should not have underestimated these children's intelligence and their versability.
"Ana, how do you say 'nanny' in French?" Teddy asks, interrupting her thoughts.
"Nounou" Ana answers.
Both Teddy and Phoebe smile then "Nounou?" Phoebe repeats, asking for confirmation.
"Yes, nounou." Ana answers, smiling lightly. "Why? Do you think the word is funny? It comes from the French word 'nourrice'."
"Yes it is funny." Teddy answers, laughing. "Ana est ma 'nounou'." He adds.
"You're right, it sounds a little funny." Ana confirms, laughing with both children.
After this little moment of complicity, the French lesson goes on uneventfully. The children are still quite young, in particular Teddy, to stay focused for more than thirty minutes on one topic, so after 30 minutes of French lesson, and a small fun interlude at the piano, they go on with 30 minutes of US history, 30 minutes of English grammar, 20 minutes of gym in the backyard, 30 minutes of math and then as a surprise 30 minutes of their very first guitar lesson on Ana's own guitar. The children's fingers are still a little small to pluck the strings correctly, but Ana helps them and all in all they both seem to like it, especially Teddy.
After that, it is time for Ana to prepare lunch. Phoebe decides to go and work a little on the piano on a piece she wants to play for her aunt Mia's birthday next week, while Teddy stays with Ana to prepare lunch; he obviously takes his role of sous-chef very seriously.
Today, lunch consists of sandwiches and yoghourts. Simple, easy to prepare and light enough after the Harry Potter's meat pies and chocolate rocks yesterday. At first, Ana wanted to have lunch outside, but because the weather has not been the best so far today, and it is threatening to start pouring soon, in the end, lunch takes place inside.
After what happened last night and this morning, Ana had really been looking forward to spending time with Christian and the children. Unfortunately, it will have to wait, because her boyfriend has to work during lunchtime today; he and Sawyer are having a security staff meeting with the shipyards' teams. So the children invited Samantha and Andy to join and the atmosphere is very light and friendly.
Ana and Christian have only exchanged a few short text messages in these past hours as they have both been very busy all morning. She feels silly for missing him so much after only a few hours. Christian has been able to spend quite a large amount of time with her and the children this past month, despite being the CEO of an empire going through one of the worst crises this World has ever known, and Ana is aware that of course there will be moments when he cannot be as available for them, and it is okay; she knows that he'd rather be with them but he has responsibilities towards all of his employees.
Out of curiosity, she googled 'Christian Grey' a few days ago, and everything she read about him and his company made her realize that there is a complete different side of Christian that she does not know at all. She had a glimpse of that side of him when she first got here, the intimidating CEO, but it did not last for long. In the end, Ana knows mainly Christian as the father of Teddy and Phoebe, the son and brother of a loving family and the charming and considerate man that became her boyfriend. And it seems he has been elected 'Most eligible bachelor' by the Seattle times three years in a row.
Ana can't help wondering what life will be like when they no longer live in their bubble, with the children and the small team of CPOs. Eventually, she will have to go back to school to graduate, to defend her dissertation and then to apply for work, and Christian will have to go back to his life of travels, meetings, mergers and acquisition. What will it be like, then? Will they manage to organize their lives around the children, their respective works, Christian's family, their relationship? Ana selfishly wishes this bubble period can last a little longer at least until their relationship is a little stronger. In her heart, it is strong already, but within the comfort of the house, she has no way to be sure it can remain this way forever.
If there is something that Ana has learnt from her couples' psychology lectures, it is that there are two kinds of couples who ultimately fail in their relationship: first, there are those who start their relationship with a toxic dynamic, and that is what will eventually destroy not only them as a couple, but also sometimes as human beings and potentially it can affect the people in interaction with them. And there are the couples who have a healthy relationship when they are together, but struggle to navigate through the demands of their surroundings, whether it is because of jealousy, outside influence, or any other reason. So these two aspects are important: being comfortable and balanced with your partner, and being strong both as a couple and as individual human beings vs the rest of the World. She wishes that what she and Christian have is strong enough to face reality, when the time comes.
A very excited Teddy is the center of attention during lunch. He loves it when he has several adults to entertain. The little boy spends the whole time chit chatting, in particular with Andy, who does not seem to be bothered, on the contrary. Ana also notices that Samantha is happy to spend some time with her protegee Phoebe and that their affection is mutual. So despite Christian's absence, they are all having a nice time together. Ana appreciates more and more the company of the CPOs, and she feels these moments when everyone is relaxed and chatting are very enjoyable. But she knows that Christian would probably not encourage it too much; Gail had warned her that Mr Grey liked to put some distance with his employees, in particular security, and Ana noticed that all of them behaved differently when Christian was around. Well, he is not here, and she and the children enjoy being with Samantha and Andy, so that's what they do.
After lunch, the two CPOs propose to take the children upstairs for their naps; Ana actually takes them up on their offer, as it gives her more time for the cleaning-up of the cottage. And Teddy and Phoebe are happy to be able to chat some more with each of them. Ana should have taken care of the cottage yesterday, as soon as everyone came back to the main house, but she did not find a minute to do it so one hour, one hour and a half today will have to do.
Ana decided she would need a little help in these tasks so Thom Yorke and his band will accompany her today. She loves listening to music, but ever since she started living in this house, she's had very little time to do so, not that she is complaining. But today is the good opportunity to just do it, especially since the cottage is far enough for the house for Ana to play it relatively loud. Ana loves rock. Any kind of rock, from Queen, U2 and Nirvana to Coldplay, Muse or Radiohead.
And today, she feels in the mood to listen to some Radiohead, in particular her favorite album Ok Computer. Ana simply loves Thom Yorke's voice. And the band was her father's favorite.
Ana does not have many objects belonging to her parents or her little brother; apart from a few toys belonging to Mateo and some photos, all she has are her memories: their favorite colors, their favorite dishes, Mateo's favorite TV show, their favorite songs… Listening to Radiohead and Alanis Morissette or Whitney Houston, her mother's own favorites, always brings back nice memories of their time all together. And it feels like they are still there, with her.
When 'Airbag' is playing, Ana takes care of the sheets and towels, placing it in the washing machine. 'Paranoid Android' accompanies the cleaning-up of the dishes and 'Karma Police' is the perfect tune for cleaning the windows and so on, until her favorite song from the album, 'No surprises', starts playing as she is almost finished, broomstick in hand. As she is sweeping the floor, Ana realizes how sad that song is; strangely enough, it had never occurred to her before now; maybe she does today because it contrasts with her own feelings these days. Ana has never been happier in her life, at least since 'it' happened back in 2008, and she finally feels hopeful for the future. As she is holding the broomstick, thoughtful, Ana feels his presence before she can actually see him, behind her. She places the broomstick against the wall next to her, and she simply leans back a little to be held in her boyfriend's strong arms. Slowly, they start swaying, following the music until the last notes on the glockenspiel.
"Gosh, how I have missed you today." Christian finally says, when the song ends, still holding his girlfriend in his arms, his lips next to her ear.
"Me too." Ana confesses "And yet it's been what, six hours?"
"The longest six hours ever!" Christian says as he softly kisses her neck.
"I kind of agree." Ana says as she turns in her boyfriend's arms. "But enough now, I need to get back to work, stop distracting me." She tries to move away from him but is stopped by Christian's hands on her waist.
"Well, I've talked to your boss, he thinks that you deserve some time off." He says smirking.
"Oh does he now?" Ana replies, smiling back.
"Yes, he noticed that you have been working too much and he asked me help you relax a little." Christian says in a smooth voice as he gently places some hair behind her ear.
"And how do you propose to do that?" Ana asks playfully.
Christian takes a step back, sighing, obviously no longer in the same mood to Ana's disappointment "Well, not now unfortunately, I need to talk to you about something important and we don't have that much time before the children are up and ready for the afternoon activities. But tomorrow night, I would like to take you out for dinner."
"Out?" Ana asks frowning.
"Yes." He shrugs before sitting down on the bed "Don't ask any question. Just accept to go out with me tomorrow for a date." He then grabs Ana's hand and places her in front of him, standing between his legs.
"Our first date." Ana says softly.
"Yes, our first date." Christian confirms. "So what do you say?" He asks, playing with her fingers.
"What about the children?" She asks, placing her hands in Christian's hair, caressing it softly.
"They will be taken care of, fed, kept busy and looked after." Christian promises. "You won't even need to prepare dinner at all, it is all under control. All you have to do is relax and enjoy your evening, with me."
"Okay." Ana simply replies, smiling widely. "I can definitely do that."
Christian takes her hand and lifts it to his mouth to kiss the top of it "Now, like I said, I would like to talk to you about something." He says, obviously preoccupied, but keeping Ana's hand in his.
"Okay. What is it about, Christian?" She asks carefully.
"It is about the children and their mother." He answers. "I told you I wanted to talk to you about it a few days ago, but you said you'd rather do it face to face. I have been a little distracted yesterday evening." He smiles, making Ana blush a little, knowing full well what he is referring to "Unfortunately, it is becoming urgent, and I have no clue what I… what we should do about it."
Ana is not really surprised, she knew that at some point, sooner rather than later, this would have to be addressed. Not only is there the answer to the email to deal with, but first and foremost, they need to decide how to address the topic with the children, as smoothly and yet as clearly as possible. Which is quite delicate.
As she sits down next to Christian, she notices a piece of paper that he just grabbed from his back pocket "What is that?" she asks, pointing to the paper.
"This is a picture of Leila." He simply replies as he unfolds it. Ana realizes now that it is a printed color picture.
"Can I see?" She asks, definitely curious to finally see what the infamous Leila looks like. When Christian hands her the picture, Ana is surprised by what she sees: a younger Christian is sitting at a table, probably in some bar, having a beer and next to him is a beautiful brown-haired girl looking at him with a smile. They look young and happy, not at all how Ana had envisioned their relationship, from what Christian had told her. In front of her were two good looking teenagers obviously into each other, with potentially a whole future ahead of them.
"That was that evening, when we finally talked and got to know each other better. A friend from the team took that picture and later sent it to me. I had totally forgotten about it, and then I found it on some USB key earlier today." Christian explains "Phoebe said she wanted to see a picture of her mother so I went through it all and found this one."
"Leila is very pretty, and she has such a beautiful smile. Phoebe looks a lot like her." Ana cannot help observing.
"Yes, she has her smile." Christian sighs "I almost forgot, with how sad and angry Leila was all the time after the children were born."
Ana feels uncomfortable but tries her best to hide it. She clears her voice then says "Phoebe will love this picture. And she will be happy to see that she looks so much like her mother. And to see that her mother is so pretty." Ana says in a lower voice. She tries not to be affected by it, to just focus on the children, but it is difficult and so new to her to feel that way. "Stop it Ana, you are being silly."
As Christian places his hand on Ana's waist, she cannot help tensing. Christian can definitely feel it because he immediately asks "Ana, is everything okay?"
"Yes Christian, of course." Ana answers with a smile that does not reach her eyes.
Clearly not convinced with his girlfriend's answer, Christian adds "Darling, what Leila and I had was nothing like you and I have, I swear. I don't know how to tell you so you trust me." He looks intently into her eyes as he says so.
Ana sighs, placing her eyes back on the picture in her hands "I know Christian, it is just, well, look at her, she is gorgeous. And you look really good together, such a beautiful couple." Christian looks at her, frowning. She looks at him back "And look at you, you must have so many women as gorgeous as Leila trying to draw your attention every day, Mr 'Most eligible bachelor'; I cannot help thinking: why me? Why just plain old me?" Okay, this time it is out, her insecurities are laid out in front of his incredulous eyes.
Christian kisses her temple while pulling her closer to him before heaving a loud sigh "There's one thing you just don't seem to see but that makes all the difference: there is nothing plain about you; you are perfect in every possible way." He says, placing his other hand on her chin, moving it slowly as he bends down to initiate a soft kiss on her lips.
That kiss definitely boosts Ana's self-confidence. After a moment, she moves back a little to catch her breath, her eyes fixing her boyfriend's, smiling softly "I feel so stupid right now; don't mind me, what matters is the children and how to talk to them about their mother."
"Hey, that's okay, I'll always mind you and your feelings." He says sweetly, caressing her cheek with his thumb, smiling back. Then, he sighs "But you are right, now is the time to focus on the children and how to deal with this whole situation with their mother." After a moment, he talks again "Let's get a little more comfortable, I don't know how long it will take." He then undoes his shoes and climbs on the freshly made bed, sitting against the bedhead with his legs stretched, over the cover, signaling to Ana to join him. Ana mimics his actions and comes next to him. She softly places her head on Christian's shoulder, with her hand on his chest.
And there, nicely settled, Ana decides to cut to the chase "Okay, if you agree, let's take it point after point." As silence means consent, she goes on "Let's start with Leila. At a young age, she flees from an unstable household. Then at nineteen, she becomes a mother after nine months of pregnancy denial. And one year later, she goes through it a second time, for seven months. Despite obviously suffering from depression, she refuses to seek for the help of a professional. She never really paid attention to her two children, who she leaves under your care when they are respectively one year old and a few days old, giving up her parental rights" Christian nods "After that, she starts a new life in Florida. There, bound by contract, she finally goes to see a therapist, meets her now husband and at 26, is now pregnant with a baby girl that is due very soon." Ana can feel all the tension in Christian's body. She hates that it pains him to hear all this but they have to address it. She tries to sooth him by stroking his chest softly. She goes on "Her husband is scared because it seems Leila is living her end of pregnancy with some difficulty, presumably due to her guilt towards the children. So he begs you to send some form of update on Phoebe and Teddy."
"Yes, that sums it up quite accurately." Christian says in a stern voice, definitely still tensed despite Ana's ministrations.
Ana goes on "Then we have the very smart Phoebe Grey, seven years old. She has no memories with her mother, who left when she was one." Christian nods. "up to a few weeks ago, she had never asked about her. Then she recently started showing some interest in knowing more about the situation." Ana smiles sweetly at Christian. "And then we have Teddy."
Christian resumes "Same as Phoebe, he never mentioned his mother before. He seemed interested two weeks ago when we first talked about her but now apparently he just wants to move on."
"What do you mean?" Ana asks.
"We talked yesterday as we were fishing. He asked me once again if you would become his new mommy. He loves you, Ana, and he is discovering what a mother's love feels like. That's all he seems to want, and I am okay with that."
Ana stops her hand for a moment, thoughtful "I can feel it, he is been cuddlier these past few days, he kisses me more, hugs me more."
"He says your cuddles are a mommy's cuddles, and that you smell like a mommy." They both smile lightly at this, Ana feeling some tears forming in her eyes "Teddy has always been looking for more affection than Phoebe" Christian explains. "My mother believes that it is to compensate what he was never given by his own mother. And now, he sees that the four of us are like a family. And I think that's all he wants."
"But you know I cannot replace his mother, Christian." Ana says in a low voice.
"Why not?" Christian asks, catching her eyes. "He would not be losing out." He mutters.
"Because he already has a mother. And since the situation is not clear on that front, it is best not to blur lines." Ana explains her point.
"Then let's clear the situation." Christian exclaims "I want us to really become a family. If it were just me, I would tell the children that their mother has died. Which is the truth in a way, to me she died the day she left her children for money." Christian says seriously "But I understand that it could complicate things if one day, they realize that I lied to them."
"It definitely would." Ana confirms.
"But what shall I do? I cannot just tell them that their mother left because she never wanted them in the first place. Which is the actual truth, there is no way around it, she did not want them and she left with no second thoughts."
"Christian, I studied denial of pregnancy in my psychology class. It is a real thing, and it can have consequences on the mother's psyche. Especially if the mother has some unresolved childhood trauma. But through therapy, the mother is encouraged go in depth inside her head and her heart to put into words everything she has lived. Then, the biggest work consist in analyzing, understanding, accepting and finally forgiving herself, in order to move on."
"Ana, Phoebe's birth came as a shock to me as well, from one minute to another, I became a father. But I owned it, and I was there for my baby." Christian says, aggravated.
"I know, but not everyone is equipped to face such life changing situations. Obviously Leila was not. And it is different for the mother, who usually feels guilt for not interacting with the baby as he or she was growing and developing inside her body unbeknownst to her."
"Ana, no matter what, I cannot forgive her for what she did after first Phoebe and then Teddy were born. Not once, not twice but multiple times: she barely paid attention to Phoebe, she would blame me for the situation, then she would not even try to be nice with my family or the Taylors, who were nothing but supportive. Later, she would totally reject her second new born innocent child, and finally she would throw herself at just any guy just to piss me off. Before running away with my money. I will never forgive her, and it makes me sick to think that my children could want to spend time with her, as if nothing happened."
"Right now, we don't even know if the children would want her back in their lives if given the choice. You already told me that you believe Teddy is not interested." Ana reasons.
"Yes, but Phoebe is. She is such a sweet girl, she will want to meet Leila, and she will want to be loved by her. I don't know if I could stand it if in the end, Leila ended up hurting her even more."
"Christian, all of this happened when the children were very young, they have no memories of it, so in their mind, all they know is that they do not have a mother sharing their lives. Teddy simply wants a mother, he is too young and it is also part of his character to focus on the present, he is a pragmatic little boy, Mr future CEO." Christian smiles proudly as he thinks of his little man. Ana goes on "It is a bit different for Phoebe. If she was indeed too young to understand the situation, unfortunately, studies show that she was not too young to feel that the situation was tensed. And intellectualizing and overanalyzing situations tends to be in her character. She knows that she does not have a mother now, so she probably just wants to understand what led to this situation. And I think she also wants to understand where she comes from. And that is where you can help her."
"We can help her." He corrects, searching for Ana's eyes and placing his hand on Ana's, the one that is still caressing his chest.
"Yes, we can help her." Ana rectifies softly.
"By doing what?" Christian asks.
"Christian, please tell me exactly the exchange you had with Phoebe a few days ago, here, in this cottage."
Christian lets go of Ana's hand and lifts his head up, looking at the ceiling "It was after the phone call with Gail, Taylor and Sophie. Sophie had mentioned that her mother had COVID. Phoebe and I were playing a card game, and she was really silent. I asked her what was going on. And out of the blue, she asked if her mother lived in California, like Sophie's. I was not ready to tell her what I actually knew, so I simply told her that I did not know. And then I remembered what you told me about asking directly to children why they bring up a certain topic. So I asked her why she asked. And she told me that it was because she wondered if her mother was sick somewhere alone, with nobody to take care of her."
"Aw, your daughter is such sweet girl." Ana says, as she moves a little to look at the ceiling too, taking Christian's hand in hers, between them.
"I know. It is both a blessing and a curse." He goes on "So I told her that I was sure that her mother was doing fine, but that I could have someone check if she wanted; I don't know what went through my head, I don't believe I was thinking clearly, I just wanted my little girl to stop hurting. Her smile then was as bright as the sun. Then she went on, asking me if she looked like her mother. I confirmed, and the smile was even wider. So I told her what her mother looked like when I met her, and that she looked just like her. You should have seen how proud she felt, Ana. Then she asked her name, and I told her that it was Leila. That's when she asked for a picture. I promised I would try to find one, and I did." He says, pointing to the picture laying there, on the bedside table. "And then she hugged me, and I could feel that I had pleased her by answering her questions."
"I would definitely show her that picture, with Teddy present, even if for the moment, he does not seem interested. But it is important that he is involved in everything about his mother. Unless he clearly expresses he does not want to."
"Agreed." Christian simply replies.
"Then I think you should just let Phoebe go at her own pace. After she sees the picture, she will probably have more questions. She will likely ask how you and Leila met, ask for details about her when you were together." Christian nods, silently taking in what Ana is saying "What do you want to tell her if she asks if your people managed to check on Leila?"
"I don't know. I guess I should not lie. Technically, my people checked on her weeks ago and we have news from her husband saying that physically, she is okay. We don't need to talk about her so called ongoing depression"
"Nor her current pregnancy." Ana adds.
Christian thinks for a second "That's right, my babies don't need to know that. That's even worse for them: Mommy did not want you, but now she wants a new baby."
"Christian…" Ana starts but he does not let her finish.
"Well, that's the truth. At least, that's what it looks like." He says.
"It is not that simple, you know it." Ana adds calmly.
"No Ana, no, I don't know." Christian turns to her, anger in his voice.
Ana holds his stare until she simply goes back to the nestling position, with her hand on his chest, caressing it slowly. She knows that it does appease him, and he obviously needs it right now; Ana does not want to fight with her boyfriend simply because she is trying to analyze the situation with his ex from a psychological point of view. "Christian, I am just trying to help here." She pleads.
"I know Darling, I'm sorry." He says, taking her hand to his mouth and kissing it softly before putting it back on his chest.
"So, you do confirm to Phoebe that her mother is not sick with COVID to reassure her. What about her husband? Part of Phoebe's question was if she was alone somewhere. Will you mention that Leila is married?"
"I can tell her that she lives in Florida now, I can even show her on a map how far it is." Christian says as he is thinking about it "Maybe I can simply tell her that Leila is married, not mentioning any name. But I won't say anything about the baby. Not now."
"No, I don't think it is necessary to mention it now if the topic is not tackled." Ana goes on. "Phoebe could ask you the question though. Or Teddy. Married can mean having babies in their minds, especially after Kate and Elliot's recent announcement. What would you answer then?"
"Do you really think she would ask that?" Ana can feel Christian's heart beats accelerate.
"She might." She answers sincerely.
"Okay then, I would answer based on how she asks, I guess. Gosh, I really wish she won't ask."
"If she asks if Leila and her husband have children, you can always answer that you don't think so. Not technically a lie, and it would give us time to prepare for another discussion." Christian nods. "Another question she might have is about her birth, and Teddy's."
"Oh gosh. I can't tell them about that, Ana" Christian says with a loud sigh.
Ana thinks for a minute then proposes "Maybe you can just tell them that you were there when Phoebe was born, and it was the most beautiful day of your life, with Teddy's birth. I guess it is?" Ana asks, quite sure about his answer; it is actually just to make him think of his children, it always have such a positive effect on him. And she can immediately see the switch in his eyes.
"Definitely, and by far." Christian answers, his hand back on Ana's, caressing it.
"If she mentions her mother, asking if she was happy or something like that, maybe just volunteer that she chose her first name; I am sure she would like to know it. And it can satisfy her, preventing her from asking more questions." Ana advises.
"Okay, that's brilliant. The only good thing Leila did for Phoebe was giving her this beautiful first name." Christian says.
"Well, that's the idea, just try to just see the positive side of the situations." Ana continues "Then if she asks for more about the year leading to Teddy's birth, maybe just tell her that the three of you lived in your condo in the city, not specifying anything more."
"And what if Teddy's birth is addressed? I really don't see how to deal with that, there is absolutely nothing positive from Leila's side there." Christian adds.
"I'd say just stick to the facts. Like, you loved him immediately. And you can talk about when you brought him home and introduced him to Phoebe."
"That I remember. I don't think Phoebe does though, she was so small, and she barely even acknowledged the new baby." Christian smiles at the memory.
Ana goes on "If Phoebe, but it can also be Teddy, asks about their mother's feelings when he was born, just make them feel loved, if necessary diverting it to you, your family, or Gail. I guess it will depend on what they ask. Like if they ask "Was mommy happy?", that's a difficult one. But you can say for instance "Of course, we both were, everyone was so excited to finally meet Teddy." Or if they ask who chose Teddy's name, you can answer "I did but Mommy agreed, it was my turn" or to "who brought Teddy home?" "I did, I was so proud." Oh and Christian, something important: do not to mention Leila's state of mind at the time, especially do not to say that she was sick or ill or depressed or not feeling good or whatever, they are too young not to automatically believe it was their fault. And in case they meet with Leila, we don't know how she wants it to be addressed, it should be up to her to address it the way she chooses if or when the time comes." When Christian does not react, Ana adds "Are you okay, Christian?"
"Of course I am, I have to be." He says with a sigh. "I hate being the one that might, depending on how the topic is addressed, make my babies sad, because of her. She created this, and we are still cleaning her shit." He then turns towards Ana and holds her tight in his arms. "Thank you for being here for me, and for the children."
"You don't have to thank me, Christian, of course I am here for you and the children." She places her hand on his cheek tenderly "I know it is a lot to deal with, but it is better to be ready. In the end, they might not even ask any question and just be happy with the picture." Ana doubted it, but it was a possibility. She shifts a little to give him a kiss on the cheek before going back to her comfortable position.
After one minute or two of comfortable silence, Christian reluctantly says "Okay. Let's go on, the children will probably wake up any minute. I asked Prescott to keep an eye on them for you until you get back there. And I have a meeting in…" he grabs his phone from his pocket and checks the time "fifteen minutes."
"Okay, we are almost done, there is just one last point to discuss: what if Phoebe or even Teddy asks if they can meet with their mother?"
Christian moves back to his previous position, on his back "My first reflex would be to say 'no way'." He sighs "But I guess it is not possible."
"Christian, it is clearly up to you. They are still young, so if you don't want them to meet with Leila, it is your choice. You can always use the pretext of the COVID or that Florida is far. They might propose a remote meeting though, they know such things are possible now, with the way we virtually met with your family and the Taylors several times."
"I don't want them to meet with Leila. Not even remotely. They are too young, I am afraid it could disturb them. I have no way to believe that she has changed, and I am not risking my children's life in any way."
"Alright. Then you can try to save time, like I proposed, by talking about the distance or the fact that you have not reached Leila yet." Then, Ana tentatively proposes "Would you agree, in the meantime, to meet with Leila, even remotely, to discuss it all with her?"
"No, no way, I can't, Ana." He sits back straighter now.
Ana sits back too; this is a well-known technique in psychology; reinforcing the idea of support and empathy by mimicking the other person's gestures. "You know, it might help clarify things, and it would also give you a better idea of Leila's current state of mind." She slightly turns towards him. "Don't make a decision now, just think about it. It could really help in case of further discussions with the children. For now, all you have to do is delay things. Phoebe will already be very happy with her picture and the few answers she will have gotten from you."
"All I want is what is best for my children." Christian affirms. "But that's what is the most difficult with being a parent: how can you know in advance what is best for them? When I made sure that Leila would not be part of their lives forever, I was sure that I was doing what was best for them. And now, here we are, with Phoebe asking about her mother, and me, unsure about what to say."
"This is a very difficult situation, Christian. What is important is to communicate with Phoebe, and Teddy. And things will be okay, I know it. They need to feel all the love surrounding them as they get to know more about their origins. They need to have a clear picture of their environment, past and present. And then everyone can move on."
"I hope so." The young father says in a whisper.
"Let's try our best so that everything is as natural as possible for the children." Ana takes his hand in hers again. "When did you want to have this talk with them?"
"Well, tonight. That's why I proposed to have our date tomorrow, I want to address it tonight, spend a nice evening with the children and then talk to them before their bedtime."
Ana bites her lip, before saying "Christian, can I just propose something?" Christian nods "Maybe it is better to do it before tonight, like this afternoon, between two fun activities for instance. When can you be available?" Ana asks.
"I can be free from 4pm on." Christian answers.
"Great. So around 4pm, what do you think about helping Phoebe with the piece she is currently working on, at the piano? It is for Mia's birthday, and I know she would be happy to work on it with you."
"I'd love that. Phoebe is so good at the piano, it is a pleasure to play with her" Christian's eyes brighten at this thought.
"Afterwards, Teddy will probably want to show you what we learnt at the guitar." She proposes.
"You've started the guitar lessons?" Ana nods. "I'm sure my little man loves it."
"Yes, he seems to be enjoying it so far." She confirms, smiling at the memory of a very focused Teddy, his tongue between his teeth, before continuing with her plan "After that, we can maybe ask the children to sit for a moment, and you can show them the picture and then we'll see what happens." Ana proposes. Christian nods. "And finally, I wanted to propose a pizza party tonight, we can all make our own pizzas, like we did a few weeks ago. It is fun, and it will show them that what we discussed before does not impact our usual dynamic." Christian looks into her eyes with a sweet smile, showing his approval "Then we can all watch a movie. Some animated feature would be perfect. Something entertaining and that we can all enjoy, like Kung Fu Panda, the Jungle book or Lilo and Stitch." Ana explains "I believe that if some heavy discussion like this one is the last thing they talk about before they go to bed, it would have more impact than necessary as it would be the last thought to process before sleeping, and dreaming. It is definitely better if there are other activities afterwards."
"That sounds like a good plan." Christian says. "You are amazing Ana." He adds, moving to kiss her. But before he can reach her lips with his, his phone starts vibrating. He gives her a small peck before checking what it is. "This is a text from Prescott. The children are up and waiting for you. Let's go back."
Christian and Ana both get up. They fix the bed so that everything is in its right place as they leave; Ana will have to come back later to unload the dryer and put the linen back where it belongs. They walk back towards the main house, hand in hand, ready for what is coming up next. Or at least, willing to confront the situation ahead. Christian still feels unsure about what is going to happen, but more ready to confront it than ever.
AN: Another long chapter, and this one required quite some time as I wanted it to be as good as possible. I hope you like it. S