Blinding Lights

by taylorandmacster10

One last misadventure with Jay Halstead and, my goodness, have we saved the craziest for last. One final ride, one more story, let's see our hero and king gut it out one more time. This is Blinding Lights.

11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11- Blinded By The Lights

Four Days Later

Yes, you did read that correctly. Surgery did not happen later that day, or the next day, or several days thereafter. As was the case with Jay's entire journey thus far, nothing was as it seemed. Just when things were looking on the up and up, a plan and process laid out and ready to be called into action, life and fate had other far more sinister and dangerous plans in mind. Later in the day, Jay's stats no longer held their peaceful, improved status. Jay suffered some of the highest spikes in his inter-cranial pressure post-op and things really struggled to improve from there. That evening he had to undergo the dreaded burr hole procedure, Will and Hailey thankfully spared from seeing and hearing that whole thing as Jay was rushed to the OR beforehand. The following morning he showed marginal improvement, only to dive right back into the dangerous zones once more. More drugs were administered or increased, there was serious talk of him having to undergo more surgery, this time to continue the removal of parts of his skull. They truly were running out of options at that point, and hope and faith were truly waning thin if they were being honest with themselves.

But Jay appeared to have somehow, someway heard of the horrific plans they had in mind for him, because the following day he decided to allow things to finally work, his brain choosing to get better and actually start the healing process. Just as quickly as he fell into danger, he was right back on that narrow but correct path to healing. The remainder of that day he held his stats, once again none of them great, but at least showing he was no longer trying to swell his brain to a point of exploding and ending things right then. Yesterday they all awakened to the best news to date: Jay's stats were steadily and properly going down. All truly celebrated that, all had a really good cry over finally crossing that threshold of being able to plan a surgery and get Jay back to his old, whole self. Abrams had an operation later in the day, and they wanted to give Jay a little more time of trending downward in his stats and rest before they put him through more surgery and trauma in an area that had seen enough to last a lifetime. So early in the morning was the ultimate plan for surgery, Will and Hailey barely sleeping a wink throughout the night. They'd been down this road before with Jay, but were terrified that as they inched closer and closer to surgery time that Jay would pull some other deadly stunt, that things would get so bad that they'd have to reach to new terrible heights, that long-term plans or talks of him never coming back would be discussed. It was kind of a miracle they hadn't already done that at this point, but all really did contemplate that at many stages along this whole thing. It was almost like one was daring the other to bring it up, but they just kept passing that hot potato of doom and gloom off to the next person. No one was ready to throw in the towel on things, all still clung to the shroud of belief that if there was anyone that could find a way through all of this, it was Jay. But still, Will and Hailey kept themselves awake pretty much the entire night. Either they just stared at Jay, mentally willing him to just hang in there and keep pushing despite his very weakened state, or they looked to the other or around the room. Things were eerily calm last night, very much feeling like a calm before the storm setting.

Both could not believe they were here, but in a very good way this time. They had finally, actually, made it to the next staging part of the story. They started out with learning of Jay's condition, then came the dreaded step of waiting for his arrival. There was the arrival, the race to surgery, and then the hoping and praying that things worked and held for long enough to prove Jay was still alive and willing to live. Now came the milder stages of things, they hoped. Because once Jay's head was back to being whole, all the pieces in their proper place, then Jay should enter the next stage of things: awakening to his newfound life. It would be the funnier, lighter steps along the path, they all swore to themselves rather secretively. Certainly, it would be difficult to try and explain it all to Jay, to help him understand and accept all that had happened to him, but it was a step that all were dying to arrive at at this point. So for Will, it was rather odd witnessing Hailey act so nervous right now, seeing her so quiet and reserved as people came in to begin the pre-op process of things. He had to admit, he was a little apprehensive with the day, part of him not totally believing they were actually going to do this, but mostly he was shocked to just be making it to this point. Will couldn't speak and feel for his sister-in-law, as she was entitled to her own feelings and reactions. But despite all of that, he was truly to figure out why none of her was looking remotely happy to be where they were just then.

"You okay," Will finally spit out, albeit on the quieter side of things as there were other people in the room and it was just after 6am. He watched and waited as Hailey looked at everyone and everything else in the room before finding his question. They were certainly in new territory right about now. Will not getting any of it in the least.

"Hailey," he spoke up once more, raising an eyebrow when her gaze so much as flickered his way.

"What is going on?" She could only shrug her head, wave him off with a single, quick hand motion as she kept her gaze locked on Jay, who was getting his wraps that were once hid the terrifying incisions and head trauma slowly cut off so as to give things breathing space. This wasn't the first time it was happening, but seeing things was never getting easier. Still, almost a week post the biggest surgery of his life, nothing was what it once was. It was all too stark, too sudden and too incomprehensible to really accept. She shuttered at the thought of Jay having to learn all of this after it all had happened. Everything was temporary, she had to tell herself over and over again. One day it would all come back and hide behind things. It had to, it would.

"I'm fine," she eventually worked up the courage to say, still not losing her deadlock on Jay as things were adjusted and moved from IV stand to the hospital bed, readying Jay for the move to the OR. She really couldn't believe they were here, this being the real time Jay was getting ready for surgery. Part of her was expecting Jay's ICP monitor to go off, the frightening and loud beeping of that thing etched in her mind forever. But as she watched the monitor above his head get shut off, and the chord from the ICP monitor get undone from the scanner behind the bed, it just drove home the reality of this day. Jay was improving, he was getting ready to have that awful device removed. Jay was healing, it was all a true miracle. Hailey wanted someone to pinch her. And for the next few minutes she thought about doing that very thing to herself. As the final steps were done in prep for Abrams and Bradford, the two family members looked on with tepid silence, just praying and hoping that things stayed the way they were. Honestly they'd be nervous wrecks for the next few hours, until Jay was through this thing and back in his room with them. So it was best to just acquaint themselves with their old friends named anxiety and nervousness. It was never an easy return to this state of things, but for Jay and his continued recovery they were more then willing to head on back there. You could almost cut the nerves and tension in the room with a carving knife by the time the two surgeons in question greeted their way into the day.

"Good Lord, lighten up a little," Abrams wished everyone a good morning with. Bradford slunk in behind the lead neurosurgeon, per his usual routine. Will just shook his shoulders to alleviate the stress, Hailey could only smirk at the witty surgeon's best attempt to make them laugh. Meanwhile she was clinging to Jay's forearm and tossing all the life that she could into it. They had finally been allowed to touch him during the night and Hailey latched on as fast as she could. She hated that in a few minutes she'd have to let go once again. But in the meantime she was taking in all that moments and seconds of holding him that she could.

"Good morning," Bradford greeted everyone with, his voice a little more under control and serious then Abrams, clearly showing which surgeon was more in game mode and mentally readying themselves for the task ahead. Not that Abrams wasn't overly qualified to do this thing, but it felt there was a lot more riding on Bradford and his reputation then Abrams. That much was certain.

"How's he looking," Will asked either of the surgeons, doing his usual routine of acquiring as much data and updates as he could whenever they were in the room. Hailey finally peeled herself away from Jay and to the people that would address them on things. She too was curious, and praying that Jay was surpassing that final hurdle, that these two men in the room weren't about to hold things off for another day or two. Honestly, part of her very frazzled self wanted this stupid surgery to be past them. She was more than ready to get Jay back to being alert and off this floor. There was nothing else she wanted in life right about now then to see those beautiful blue/green eyes looking up at her on another floor of this hospital. It's amazing the simple things we yearn for in life.

"Stats are good. He's holding well. We took him off a couple of the steroids and suppressors last night and he's responding well. I think he's as ready as he's ever going to be for surgery," Abrams noted as Bradford thumbed the pages on the clipboard firmly clasped in his hands. As Abrams moved to Will's side of the bed, Bradford slowly moved his way to Hailey, doing his best to hand off the clipboard as he ran through things.

"Just need you to sign the pre-op forms. Basically it says we're closing up the skull and returning the skull flaps to his head. Then we're also removing the ICP monitor and taking out the drains. It shouldn't take more than a couple hours. Just need you to sign down there that you give us full authority to treat him and in the rare event that anything happens, you allow us to perform life saving measures on him."

"Do you expect that to happen," she asked? Bradford shook his head while Abrams spoke up.

"No, it's a less than one percent chance. We just need to cover everything. He's going to be fine." Hailey looked past the overly chatty and confident surgeon to Will, who nodded in very solid reassurance that all would be fine.

"He probably won't even lose that much blood. It's gunna be fine," Will spoke.

"Just sign it so he can get back there." Hailey scanned the pages once more, making sure there wasn't a loophole or phrase that said Jay was destined to perish in surgery or that they were allowed to make his current state worse. So much was on the line with this, so much was going to happen as a result of him making it past this surgery today. It was likely he'd wake up, soon. That part had not been discussed yet, but it was the going assumption of things. Once Jay made it through this follow up, everything else would fall in line. And that, oddly enough, was the part that scared her the most this morning. Jay had been through enough terror and hell this last week that she really no longer feared surgery. For so long she wanted him awake and with them. But now, as she put pen to paper and signed away Jay's rights and life to these two surgeons who would help him get to the other side of everything, what scared her was the thought and real idea that he was waking up. Because behind him waking up was all the life crap that would come with that. Life, their life, and all the unspoken of issues that had to be worked out were finally going to come home to roost. That whole side of things had been pushed to very far corners of her mind all this time, and rightfully so. But as she watched things be readied to be moved now, the weight and hardship of all of that smacked her so harshly in the face. For the first time in her life, she was not ready for the other side of surgery.

"You sure you're okay," Will spoke to her once more, waiting till Jay had been pushed out into the hall before reaching out to her. Now with Jay not in between them Will had the ability to get up and place a hand on her shoulder, helping her get out of the chair as the circus that came with moving Jay got things ready for the short trip to the elevator.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she protested, pushing his hand away as the two of them took up the rear in the parade of things. The walk down the hallways of this place never got easier, lighter, still neither of them dared to get to know their neighbors. They had no clue if people have graduated from the floor, or were new additions to the place, too consumed with the truth that people were even on this floor. Heads were hung out of respect for those that were still struggling, or resting, no one dared to make a sound. Apart from the mobile devices that were purring and beeping Jay's life sounds out into those very somber halls, no living and walking human made a sound. Jay and his posse took up the elevator, leaving Will and Hailey to wait for the next one. It was a quick departure of everyone, a couple minutes later all were reunited just outside the OR doors. It was a throwback no one wanted, but at least this time Jay wasn't on the brink of dying.

"Alright, see you guys in a couple hours," Bradford bid everyone farewell with, allowing Will and Hailey the couple seconds to say their goodbyes. Will just squeezed the top of Jay's right foot, telling him to do well and not make a big fuss over things. It somehow all made sense to Will just then. Hailey worked her way to Jay's left hand, squeezing it a couple times before saying she loved him and to behave. And just as soon as she let go, everyone was off. Just as what happened nearly a week ago, Jay was completely oblivious to what was coming next. Same breathing tube, same comatose state, the only difference was that more incisions were about to be added to the collection. Hailey and Will remained stuck in their positions on the floor till the big, heavy, double floors stopped swinging on their hinges. Jay was gone, out of their grasp once more. At least this time around, both Will and Hailey knew what was coming next…or so they hoped.

"Where's his ring," Hailey asked so softly, so mumbled that it took Will a couple seconds to register that she'd even spoken.

"Did you say something?" Hailey slowly nodded, biting a corner of her lip as she crossed her arms, tapping her foot in total nerves before asking the question a second time.

"Where's his ring? He's not wearing it and no one's handed it to us."

"I…I don't know," Will expelled in mild disbelief.

"Maybe it's with his stuff back in Bolivia? They haven't sent us the bag yet." Hailey could feel the tears burning inside her, the vomit and panic building and cresting at the very tip of her throat. She knew exactly where the ring was, hating that they were here, doing this. Not today, this did not need to happen today. She was not ready to face this issue now.

"Is that why you're so quiet today," Will inquired on, watching as Hailey sniffed away a couple tears. She rubbed under her eyes in a single, slow fashion, sighing out loud before she turned back to look at the elevator they'd just come from.

"Let's go. We need to go run an errand."

"Hailey…we can't just leave him," Will started, but Hailey just kept walking away from the OR doors, away from the surgical waiting room, seemed to be beelining it for the exit.

"He's going to be fine for a couple hours. Let's go, Will." This was very much a new mode for things, but her very quick and serious tone enough to tell Will that now was not the time to hold her up. Hailey Upton was on a mission and nothing this side of Heaven was going to slow her down.

…

Rush hour was being had on that rather early morning. As Will pulled out of the parking lot and worked his way into the flow of things, it became very apparent that the people residing in Will's car had been living in a bubble for quite some time. It began with the near vampire-esque squints at the natural light above them, the very stark realization that they had become very accustomed to both dim lighting and florescent bulbs altogether. It was a very brief moment of humor in that morning, both of them chuckling to themselves at how out of sorts they were over such a mundane and never thought of phenomena called 'daylight.' But once they sorted that out and adjusted, it quickly hit them in the form of a stiff breeze that indeed, fall was barreling down on them, had probably been blowing in for several days now. Hailey very much shivered her way to Will's passenger seat, slamming the door shut extra fast before rubbing her hands together, blowing warmth into them. Amongst other things she was looking for at their final destination, a proper jacket and more layers were added to her list.

But being out in traffic, in life really, made things extra strange, giving both residents of the car a feeling of complete detachment and other worldly experiences. For close to a week now they'd been stuck in one place, in one room, begging and pleading for such simple yet life sustaining things. Things like breathing, heart beats, vital signs and brain function to exist in one person. All other issues or big life things had been quickly tossed to the sidelines, there was nothing else that mattered most. The closest thing they got to communication with the world around them was texting. No phone calls were had, and certainly no one was coming to visit or even suggesting FaceTime calls. Hailey's coworkers texted when they could, offered to bring things, but beyond that it was seriously just Will and Hailey and the doctors and nurses on that ICU floor to provide some kind of life and community into all their lives. They didn't realize how much they starved for real life until they were back in it. As Hailey stared out her window, looking at half awake people keep their eyes glued to the road in front of them as traffic was at a stop and go pace, there was a comfort in not knowing who was on the other side of her gaze. Furthermore, it was welcomed to see people alive, living, doing very normal things and being independent of medical devices, machines, IV medications, all sorts of things that cluttered their lives for the last seven days. It was nice to be human again, to be a citizen of the city and to not be in that place even for just a brief moment in time. But seeing all this only made the guilt and fear of leaving Jay behind weigh heavier on her person. If she felt incredibly out of place, she could only imagine how lost and terrified Jay was going to be when he learned of the craziest, harrowing tale that was his life over the last week or so. Her insides were a sloshing, deeply swaying pit of emotions as Med grew to a minuscule speck in the rearview mirror. She hated to leave him, but she was also properly pissed that she was having to go back in search of something that shouldn't even be missing to begin with. Also, not to mention that she was not ready to face any of this, that dread of what was to come really winning out as Chicago grew bigger and bigger in the windshield. For so long she'd been focusing on the immediate, on the task of keeping Jay alive. Call it progression or a victory that they were past those stages of the game. But now, the very real and daunting challenges of living lay just in front of them. So many unanswered questions, too many hurdles and dilemmas to overcome. Those very real fears of Jay dying were being swapped out for what to was come next. To come next for Jay, for herself, for them as a unit. Part of her wanted to be ready to tackle those, but there was another part of her that wanted to back to the scarier situations, because at least this crap was way off the forefront. She was both ready and not all at once. Thus the extra loud exhale through her nose, followed by the intense finger pull through her hair. Will was keen to note the temperate change in the car, the tension so thick he could only hack it with a serious saw. His hand so much as went for the radio, hoping sound would quench things, but he was met with a quick hand slap from his passenger.

"Chill out!" Will did his very best to glare out her while remaining glued on the road. Hailey rolled her eyes, turning back to the window before resting a fist under her chin.

"I don't want to listen to anything," she mumbled eventually.

"Yeah, I noticed. Where are we going by the way?"

"To the apartment," Hailey sighed after a couple seconds, still not looking at Will in the least.

"Okay…" he huffed, now beginning the process of trying to get all the way over and into close proximity of an exit lane. Had he'd known where he was going before they exited the hospital he wouldn't have gone the way they did. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know his final destination when the car started. He did ask, but got nothing until this most recent attempt.

"Hailey, what is going on?" Will truly wanted to know what was going on, being able to feel her intense tension since this day got going. It only seemed to intensify after Jay went back into surgery, Will really not understanding things. They wanted this to happen, practically made deals with every force out there for this day to finally come. So to see her react this way was not adding up. He felt to be walking into the middle of a fight, or a serious issue and not knowing what the heck was going on. She allowed the question to hang over the car till they got off the interstate. It wasn't till the car came to a halt at a light that she dared to open her mouth. The images of people crossing the street, chatting with each other really set her off. That was them at one point in time, the two of them talking and laughing and being normal people walking against the Chicago wind in the fall. At this point in time, she didn't see where that would be them ever again.

"I'm looking for something." Her voice was so quiet that at first Will scrunched his face up, rattling things through his mind so much so that he didn't go when the light turned green. A car honked behind him, his face blushing deep as he floored it.

"Did you say you're looking for something?" She could only nod.

"The ring," he caught on with before too long, now starting to put the pieces together. It was the last thing she mentioned before they went off on this crazy car ride. Reluctantly, Hailey nodded. Her head rubbing against the window so that her face pulled and cemented itself to the car glass. She didn't want to be doing any of this, she wanted to be back in that horrific waiting room pacing and willing him to come back to them. And yet, here they were.

"Hailey, it's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything. It's just an object, an item. I'm sure it's back with his stuff in Bolivia. Bradford hasn't said anything about bringing his bags with them. But if it's still there it'll get shipped soon. We could buy him another one in the meantime if you want," Will bargained, doing his very best to ease her panic, but the more he talked the more she shook her head. As they crawled closer and closer to the apartment she knew exactly where the thing was, which she hated that she'd ever stumbled across its' resting spot.

"You don't get it, Will. It's here," she spoke over the fight to not scream, cry, seriously punch something.

"What do you mean here," he asked on, not getting an answer at all. The remainder of the drive was absolutely silent. Hailey was not going to answer that, she didn't want to entertain such a stupid question in her mind, or out loud. She just knew, a very real gut feeling that didn't need any vocal clarification in order to be true. It wasn't till they pulled onto the street, her out loud gulp escaping her throat as she spotted his truck parked out front, everything going back to the time and day and everything surrounding that moment as she parked the thing there. For so long she loved that thing, got extra excited when it came back into her life. A once symbol of him and him drawing nearer to her was now the very thing she feared. My how things had changed.

"Wait here," she calmly, yet forcibly spoke as she undid her seatbelt, opened the door and climbed out. She was briefly back in police officer mode, telling people to remain calm and in place as she sought to solve things and make life well once more. Will dared to not cross his sister-in-law, putting his car in park before jokingly throwing his hands up in defeat and surrender. Once she was out of sight and in the apartment building Will decided to find a parking spot, allowing him to exit the story for a moment or two, whilst he circled the building and tried to find somewhere to pull over.

Meanwhile, Hailey was doing her routine, that never worked, of hitting the elevator button multiple times in order to get the thing down faster. Luckily they seemed to have just missed the morning rush hour of everyone heading off to work. The overnight doorman had left for the day, which she was incredibly grateful for. A big contributing factor to why this apartment and the building were selected was because of the added luxury of a doorman, Jay very gently but also strongly argued for. Hailey didn't care in the least, seeing as both of them were very trained detectives and more than capable of handling themselves in the event of anything. But Jay said he always liked the idea of having one, mentioned how the doorman could be someone they grew old with; a person who could get their mail and keep it safe while they were out. Hailey joked that they never got mail that was worth keeping safe, but allowed Jay to win that one out. She got to pick most of the interior stuff in the apartment, Jay got his doorman. It was compromising, settling of things and living life as a couple. They once were able to do that so well, how they got to the circumstances they were in now was truly the mystery of Hailey's adult life. But anyway, going back to the doorman, Hailey was always happy to be in the foyer while the guy wasn't there. This may come as a shock to some, but Hailey wasn't one for small talk, and this particular doorman seemed to specialize in that.

"Oh hey stranger," made Hailey jump back into the real world, suddenly realizing that she'd been standing perfectly still as the elevator car both arrived and its doors were wide open as a neighbor was trying to get off, her call to Hailey acting as the nicer method in asking her to move.

"Hey…Ashlyn," Hailey meekly called to the girl, hating that she was even being talked to right now. She looked like a troll that had been living under a bridge the last week compared to the perfectly put together, platinum blonde bombshell of a model that was looking to be ready for the day. Hailey was still rocking unwashed hair and glorified pjs. The two women swapped places, each doing their best to smile and get out of the way.

"Hey, I haven't seen you in forever," Ashlyn spoke up, keeping her hand on the doorframe of the elevator car. Hailey wanted nothing more then to pry the girl's fingers off the door so she could escape this moment.

"Yeah, I've been busy," Hailey said, looking at the penthouse button and willing it to light up.

"I'll say. I haven't seen you in what…a few days?"

"More like a week."

"Oh, and how's Jay? I really haven't seen him in awhile." Hailey did everything to not roll her eyes at that one, the girl had a serious crush on Jay and she made it very obvious. Honestly, Hailey didn't blame the girl.

"He's at Med right now having surgery," Hailey ended things with, giving up all will and resistance as she hit the elevator button and the doors were now forcibly closing. Ashlyn so much as got out a jaw drop before things ended between the two women, Hailey sighing a massive weight of relief as the car mercifully rose. Silence filled her world for the few seconds it took to get from the foyer to the penthouse, Hailey using that time to crane her neck, crack things and stretch in ways she hadn't been able to do in so long. As she felt the pops and cracks of her incredibly stiff body adjust to things, she kept her mind on the task at hand. She needed to get through the front door, grab his car key, and get right back out there. There was no time to dawdle, there certainly wasn't time to grab things or stand around moping, time was of the essence. As she got off the elevator, and read Will's text about her whereabouts, she was quickly reminded that Jay was almost to the halfway point of the his supposed surgery time. Barring anything horrible happening, he was supposed to only be under for two hours, and they were just past forty-five minutes. If her search was fast enough she'd have just enough time to secure the ring, get back in the car, and pray traffic allowed them that usual half hour trip so they could arrive at the waiting room door before surgeons wondered where they'd gone to.

Texting Will that she'd return in a moment, Hailey pressed the keypad's combination into things, allowed the lock to undo itself before she used her right hand to toggle the door handle, utilizing her shoulder strength to push the thing open all the way before propelling life back into that very dark and still apartment. She didn't bother to turn lights on, ignored the very awkward silence and crackling sounds that erupted and trickled throughout the apartment as it adjusted to the owner returning to it's square footage. Entering the kitchen she found the little bowl the two of them left their keys in, running fingertips over things till she clasped the remote in her hand. In a brief moment of things she did allow herself to look around the place, make sure things were still in tact and suitable for Jay's return. Because the next time she came through this place, he was going to be with her. That was certain and a big change in mental thought processes and ideas from the last couple times she'd been here, and at this moment she wasn't sure if she was happy about that. Don't misunderstand, she was elated that he would be walking through the door, but what life happenings and decisions would be surrounding that made her pause on ordering balloons and confetti. Time was of the essence. So before she got too deep into things and went all the way there, Hailey returned herself to autopilot. She walked back the very same way she came, making sure the door closed all the way and locked before she really picked up the pace. The elevator ride was as quiet as it was on the way up, Hailey very happy to have the doors open and Ashlyn and her little perfect self wasn't sitting there waiting for the rest of the story. By the time Hailey returned to the outside world, she spotted where Will had pulled over, doing a quick head nod in his direction before she took off for the truck.

Perhaps she would need to return to the apartment one more time, she concluded as she placed her hand on the truck's door handle, the world using that exact time to reminder her of how chilly things were on this blustery fall day. Part of her wanted to think it was the chill of reality hitting her, but most likely it was the sub-40 degree morning out. That all too familiar scent of him wafted into her nose and through her whole person as she opened the driver's side door. If nothing else, the seals on this truck's doors and windows was pristine and excellent. Things were as strong and present as the day she reunited with this thing oh so long ago, Hailey almost wanting to slam the door and lock things right up in an effort to preserve the memories and ideas that were locked tight in this space. But she had other, more serious things to deal with, so instead she dove further into the truck. She didn't bother closing the door, but she did make sure to get herself all the way into the driver's seat before starting her search. She knew of at least two places he liked to store the thing from time to time. Mostly it was when he'd go undercover, not wanting to leave a defining item on him that made him stand out. It was easier to blend in when you didn't have something that stood out like a black ring on that finger; or so Jay claimed. Hailey sighed, shaking her head over the memory of that late night chat one day, how they ended in laughing over the whole thing off before falling asleep against each other. There was nothing she wouldn't do to go back to those times.

Her first pass through the truck console came up empty, her hands creating a bigger ball of crap and mess to reorganize at a later date. Part of her was relieved her search ended in nothing, perhaps proving Will's point correct. He did bring it to Bolivia with him, and perhaps something happened that day, or during his time away, that didn't allow him to bring it back to Chicago with him. But all that was quickly dashed out of her mind, her entire world feeling to have caved in and completely collapsed on her when the secret sunglass compartment just to the left of the steering wheel revealed the very thing she was seeking out. She gasped rather loud, her whole body shivering in an instant before movement returned to her person. She could barely touch the thing, the tears that had been tucked away for a few days now were rushing down her face as she gripped the black rubber wedding band in her fingers. She wanted to believe this was some awful sick nightmare she was living. It felt so real but somehow it was all a bad dream. But as she brought her fist to her chest, lowering her head in the direction of the steering wheel, there was no escaping this now.

"Hailey, come here," she heard Will speak to her as he walked up to the truck . His voice just made the whole thing worse. This wasn't anything that was going to snap away, this was very much happening. As Will pulled her away from the driver's seat and allowed her to sob onto his shoulder, all she could ask was why. Why did he leave it in the truck, in America, all this time? Why did he decide to leave the way he did? Why was this all happening the way it was, now? Why?

…

"What about getting back before surgery? I don't want him thinking we're not there," Hailey spoke up with as Will handed her a coffee cup, watching him smirk as he took a seat on the other end of the couch. It felt like they'd just done this routine, the two of them having done the deep, couch chat while discussing Jay or things that were happening all around them. At least this time the apartment wasn't a total nightmare and dark and Jay was in Chicago. But everything else felt to be the same way. Hailey was still just as shell shocked and heartbroken as she was the last time, and not to mention she hadn't showered yet for the day and Will was just as clueless about how things got to the way they were. But unlike the last time, he was going to get to the bottom of this. Whatever was going on, whatever had happened was very clearly eating Hailey from the inside out. He could see it in her person, the near white knuckling of the mug in her hands as she shakily pulled the thing close to her mouth. The tension was so thick, the suspense and just dread feelings to be dripping off the walls. All was not well in this world, in this space, in her. And for awhile he let that slide, pushed it off till another time and another day. That day was going to be today. Jay was fine, in very capable hands, this was as close to proper timing as they were going to get.

"She speaks," Will joked once he'd taken a sip of his own coffee. Since basically pulling her out of the truck's driver seat, Hailey had become a mute, hollow version of a person. The two of them quietly walked back into the apartment building. The elevator ride was as boring as it was for Hailey just moments ago. She almost robotically unlocked the front door once again before straight shooting it for the couch, not bothering to help Will finagle the coffee maker. He struggled, she sat on the couch in dead silence while pulling at her lips, the tears still steadily streaming down her face. It wasn't as bad as in the truck, but was still a trickling creek nonetheless. Honestly when she did just now speak the tears and emotions were totally back under control. They were fully prevalent and then gone just like that.

"Seriously, Will. I don't want to be getting there too late."

"I texted Abrams and Bradford and said we're running late but we'll be there soon. Obviously, they haven't texted as they are busy…but it's fine. He's in good hands and it's going to be fine. Now…what…is going on?" Her reaction to him was classic Hailey: the slow head nod, followed by shrugging her shoulders and refusing to look at him, or anything really. She wanted to be anywhere but here, talking about literally anything else but this. She took a sip, and another, and before deciding what and how far to go with things, the coffee cup was just about slammed on the coffee table before she dared to open her mouth.

"I don't know where things went wrong…but something changed." Will nodded, pressing the mug closer to his lips so as to not speak up and ruin her train of thought. She needed to let it out, things had been pent up and shoved to the side for too long. His ideal hope was that once it all got out there then perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as she thought it was. Hailey took another couple seconds to run her hands through her hair, eventually tossing the mop of hair to one side of her head before she continued.

"We were fine, things were good. There wasn't a fight or anything bad going on. But something happened. Something changed over the summer. He started getting too coded, he started not coming home. It wasn't all at once, but once a week became a couple times, and before he left it was practically every night. In the moment I just let him feel out whatever he needed to, but looking back…I feel like I should've done something before it all went the way it did."

"What do you think made him change his behavior," Will cut in. So much for letting her feel things out and being quiet. Hailey still wasn't looking his way, but nodded before shrugging her shoulders once more.

"There was the whole Anna thing, but again…we didn't fight. We didn't have a blow up or really there wasn't much we talked about with that. The only thing I can think of that we disagreed on how to handle Voight in all of that. But again, there was no fight or anything. It's like we just started growing apart and doing life our own way, instead of together. I get that we're both really complicated…headstrong…"

"-Independent," Will spoke into his mug once more, earning a very slight smirk and nod from her.

"That too. We were intensely in love with each other, despite all the insane aspects of life, we were the anchors and steadfast things in each other's lives. So I don't know how we went from so in sync and dedicated, to then what happened the day he left."

"You keep saying 'we were.' Like its in a past tense," Will felt the need to chime in, which took Hailey a little aback. Finally, she looked up at Will, watching him nod as he decided to put his coffee mug on the table. He met her gaze, resting a forearm on the edge of the couch so that he could cradle his head in his hand. He watched as she glared at him both puzzled and annoyed.

"Yeah, you do. Are you guys done?" Hailey pondered that one for a moment, mimicking Will and resting against the edge of the couch. The silence in that apartment was beyond library status, you could practically hear the neighbors breathing next door at this point. It was insanely quiet, but yet the weight of the question kept things tampered for a moment or two. Eventually, reluctantly, Hailey did her signature shoulder shrug before mumbling an answer.

"I don't know." Will sighed, nodding before looking around the apartment as best he could without doing much movement. Another minute or so passed before he spoke up.

"Do you still love him?"

"Till my last breath," Hailey quickly shot back, almost pissed that Will even dared to ask such a question. She'd been through absolute hell this past week, not to mention the inner turmoil she'd been in close to a month now. Nothing had been the same since that fateful day, but yet she was still living in the middle of it all, still choosing to stay. Oh, it would've been so much easier to leave him, let him slip through things. She could be working right now, focusing on helping the greater good or doing something productive with her life. But instead she was here, putting in the backbreaking, overly emotional task of watching a husband who walked out of their life try and survive a historic medical situation; willing him to keep breathing and living. No one who didn't love someone as much as she still loved Jay would endure what she had. She felt it was a question that didn't need to be asked, that it was a greatly assumed truth about her. No matter what, whatever the outcome of all of this was, she was going to love Jay Halstead. Fact, end of story, no further questions.

"So you need to fight for all of this," Will said, doing his best to cool the waters a bit. He could sense the fire in her eyes, and words, with her last comment.

"You also need to have a conversation with him. Like a real one and talk about this."

"And when do I do that? 'Oh hey, Jay. Thanks for not dying. Are we getting a divorce or not?'" Hailey had to throw that one out there, it was not something you ask someone coming out of a coma…or really any time they're stuck in a hospital.

"Hailey, come on. I'm not an idiot."

"Well, for starters you're not married," she fired back.

"And you did walk out on your own wedding."

"Hey! We don't go there." Hailey threw her hands up, electing to call a truce to things. But in her defense, she felt she was in the right to go that far. Will dared to question her love for Jay; an eye for an eye. Both of them sat across from each other on the couch, waiting for one to speak to the other, doing their best to soothe things and bring them back to the whole reason they were here to begin with. Jay was really needing them right about now, most likely getting out of yet another surgery. She wanted to be there, hear the news of the outcome and get back to his side and wait once more. But deep down, she knew she needed this. The change of scenery provided perspective, clarity, and perhaps even a guide of where things went from here. Jay was going to wake up at some point, that part she felt deep down in her gut now. So she needed to be ready for that, and have some game plan or idea of what life looked like on the other side of things would behave like. She had not a clue what the future held for her, for Jay, for any aspect of anything. But one thing she did know was that Jay was going to be there, with them, in some kind of capacity. That was all she needed. She was going to fight for him until her last breath, closure would come. She prayed it would be a good kind of closure, a closure that saw them getting past this and back to them, or a new version of them. She was still terrified of how new things could be, but she was going to fight. That much she was confident in.

"Thank you, Will. And I'm sorry," she folded with, getting up from her spot on the couch at the exact time Will's phone lit up. Hailey didn't need to hang around to hear what was coming next, she knew. Jay was out of surgery, most likely on his way back to the room, that life on the other side of things was waiting for her return.

Hailey made it to the bedroom door, breathing out loud through tight lips as her nervous hand clamped onto the door. She closed her eyes, told herself to just rip off the bandaid that was unveiling the bedroom. Opening her eyes she used all her weight and might and before long was standing in the open doorway of their bedroom. The reason she didn't move was that for a couple seconds she swore she saw him, laying on his side, multiple blankets and sheets deep in their bed. All this time, he was right here. Whoever was in that hospital bed was some kind of imposter, a very good lookalike but clearly not her husband. She couldn't make out his face or head, but it was his very distinguishable body and sprawled out nature, keeping to just his side of things, told her that it was him. She could almost smell him, smirked at the little mouth breaths that were escaping his slightly closed lips as his body breathed in and out against the deep slumber he was in. She wanted to stand there for all of time, taking in the sight that hadn't been in her purview in quite sometime. But all it took was a single tiptoe into the room for her to realize it was all a dream, another one of those horrible mind tricks her brain was playing on her. My goodness, she was over human brains putting her through the worst episodes of life these days. Just as quickly as he was there, it was all totally gone. The bed was totally made, the room completely dark, there was no life in this place anymore. Hailey busied herself with grabbing more clothing and a jacket for herself, not hanging around too long in that space. This was the only time she wanted to be in here and have it feel this way. She was trading one battle in for another: she was going to return to this room with Jay if it was the very final fight she ever conquered.

"Hey, Bradford texted. Jay's out of surgery and on his way to the room," Will greeted her with as she met up with him in the kitchen.

"Oh good! Any updated on how it went?" Will shook his head as he put their coffee mugs in the dishwasher, rounding the kitchen counter as Hailey kept things gliding towards the exit.

"No, but I'm sure it all went fine. And Hailey?" She quickly thrust herself around to face him for half a second. She knew what was coming next and really didn't want to go back to that whole thing. She cried. They talked. It was all over. But as Will gave her that puppy dog face he'd expressed so many times through this whole thing, Hailey sighed before going back to opening the front door.

"You'll get answers. I'm sure there's a reason he did what he did. But…I'm sorry. It's gunna be okay." Hailey could only nod, pushing herself back out into that hallway and waiting for Will to join her so they could get things moving. She wanted to believe him so badly, but if anything about the last few weeks of her life was an indication, then nothing was as it seemed.

…

Walking down those hallways, climbing back onto the elevators and returning to the darkness and heavy world of ICU life was almost becoming a comfort to them. It was not a lifestyle any of them wanted, nor was there anything comforting or wonderful about seeing a family member struggle in a way that only ICUs were able to assist with, but somehow, someway there was a sense of peace in this place. It was somewhere that they now knew. It was an environment that they'd adapted to, which was just mind blowing when they thought about things. But as they inched their way closer to Jay's room, and adapted to the harshness and quiet of the ICU floor, gone were the troubles and heartbreak and scares in life. Things were becoming more simplified now, everything that was coming in the future didn't matter anymore. Jay was still alive, still doing his best to live, there were so many other hurdles to overcome that the mega big stuff almost seemed silly to worry over right now.

"You ready," Will quietly asked, looking to Hailey and waiting for her respond. They were two survivors, having endured one round of hellfire and were on the brink of round two. That one didn't dawn on her till they were standing right there. She looked back through the frosted windowed door in front of them, took a breath and nodded.

"Let's do this," she encouraged. Will went back to his task of opening the door, both of them lighting up and sighing in delight over the view that greeted them on the other side.

Many things had changed since they last saw Jay, and all of the changes this time were good news. Starting with his overall appearance, all the scary tubes coming out of his head were gone, there was not a drain or ICP monitor to be found. His head was back under many layers of wraps, shielding them from the very stark reality of everything for the time being. But as they went down his face, it was delightful to see eyelids for the first time post-surgery. Gone was the tape holding things closed, Jay was looking more and more asleep-like instead of dead to the world. The breathing tube and all its' contraptions were very much still there, and the smaller monitoring cords tracing his forehead were still just as in place and secured as they'd been since Jay's arrival. But, at least he was looking more human. It took almost a week, but Jay Halstead appeared to be more alive then he ever had. The other very welcomed part of seeing Jay was that they could actually see him. Prior to this very moment, Jay had been lying perfectly flat on the bed, in order to see his face one would have get up and hover right over the head of the bed in order to get a good look at him. They tried sitting the head of the bed up many times, but there was just too much on him and things were falling off way too quickly for any of it to be worth the time and effort of keeping Jay elevated. So to almost be greeted by his very passed out, ventilator breathing face was an immense delight. Once again, painting more of that picture that Jay was progressing in a positive way. He wasn't fully sitting up and alive just yet, but he looked far more comfortable and sound asleep and resting then he had since his return to Chicago.

Hailey's face lit up in a way Will hadn't seen her behave in a very long time. In the snap of a finger she went from nervous, frazzled, not ready for anything, to instantly walking into the room going right back to her usual spot. She mumbled something in Jay's direction that was so quiet Will couldn't fully make it out, but he figured it was something along the lines of a greeting. The way she pushed her chair closer to the bed once again, very willingly and easily moving under blankets and grabbing Jay's hand, even her quick peck of a kiss somewhere on his face that wasn't covered and taped and everything else, gave away that she was very happy to see him. Will meanwhile was too busy not trying to laugh or disrupt things that were happening on his unofficial side of the room. Because while Hailey, and Will if he was being honest, were too consumed with seeing Jay, the two of them had completely missed Bradford slumped over and passed out in Will's chair. Will didn't mind in the least, figuring that the guy probably hadn't had a great night of sleep in over a week now. If the two of them were up all the time, then Bradford was worse off then they were; having always been the person right there and running in to handle things. So instead of speaking to Bradford or nudging him to move, Will looked around the room in search of a place to land. The only spot that made sense was the edge of Jay's bed and he took it, hoping that didn't set thing off.

"How's he looking," Hailey asked Will as he slowly sank onto the smallest corner he could make on the bed, relaxing but a hair as he looked at the monitors above the head of the bed. Yet another good thing to come out of this surgery: fewer monitors were needed in Jay's care. It felt like the IV stands and all the IV medication wasn't decreasing in the least, but at least some element of his care was becoming less and less thorough. Healing and change truly were happening.

"His blood pressure is a lot better. And his neuro stuff is a lot more active then before and oh my GOD," Will's voice got slightly louder at the last three words, stressing the expletive with his eyes going massive as his whole body tensed and twitched. Hailey, who'd been staring at Jay snapped around to Will before she realized it.

"Oh my God what?"

"What happened," Bradford jumped in with. All three of them speaking in a domino effect, Will right before Hailey who was closely followed by Bradford. There was a millisecond of silence before Will exclaimed things again.

"Oh my GOD," he remarked, frantically pointing at Jay's foot that was resting against Will's butt.

"What?"

"He just moved his foot."

"What?!" Now Hailey was joining in on the antics, getting up from her seat and taking a place also at the end of Jay's bed, opposite of where Will was now. The two of them watched in tepid and nervous silence as they watched Jay's now very still feet do nothing.

"You're sure it wasn't just a reaction from the monitors. Also why am I telling you this," Hailey joked.

"I swear he moved his foot. It was twice and that's never happened with anything else."

"It probably was him moving his foot," Bradford cut into the friendly little family spat, the two family members looking away from each other and to the surgeon who made all of this happen. Bradford by now had fully awakened himself, had finished stretching the sleepiness out of himself and was in the process of standing back up as he spoke.

"He did open his eyes for a couple minutes right after surgery."

"He what," Will and Hailey spoke in unison, almost in the exact same tone. It was both creepy and hilarious at the same time. Bradford nodded, now looking things over above Jay as he kept going.

"It looked like more of a bodily reaction then anything. Coming off anesthesia he fought the vent a little bit, it was a couple seconds of him gagging but through that he opened his eyes a couple times."

"No fucking way," Hailey allowed herself to spit out. Will just nodded, glueing his eyes back at Jay's feet and willing them to move again.

"So based on that and his very improved stats I'd say he's out of the coma. He's really improved over the last day or so. He's gunna be groggy and pretty out of it today, given he just went through surgery so he's got a lot of those drugs still working through his system."

"But he could wake up soon," Hailey inquired, finding the breath in Bradford's report to cut in and ask the very obvious question. Bradford mulled things over in his mind a little, slowly but surely nodding.

"Maybe, hopefully. It's up to him at this point. It won't be right away though. It's going to be very gradual. So the foot movement is a very good sign, but he'll likely move his head or you will probably see his eyelids twitch a little before we get any kind of serious resurfacing. Remember, his brain has been through a whole lot this last week or so, so it's gunna take a minute to get things rebooted and him fully back to consciousness."

"But movement is a good thing," Will reminded, still not looking away from Jay's feet as he spoke. Man, even in a state of unconsciousness Jay was never going to do what was expected or desired. Now, when he really wanted to show Hailey and Bradford that he wasn't crazy for what he felt, there was nothing coming to his defense.

"Yes, movement is a very good sign. But we need to be cautious. He's still recovering from a lot, not too mention we put him through enough this morning. Just let him keep resting."

"But overall surgery went well," Hailey asked?

"Yeah, for the first time things went routine. The two skull flaps are back in place and secured. We took out all the drains and the monitor and there wasn't any sign of bleeders or further issues. Things are still holding."

"Good job, Jay," Hailey jokingly praised, reaching over and lightly patting Jay's lower leg. Part of her wanted him to react to that, but more then anything it looked like she was smacking a dummy's leg. It was odd, but then again it just went perfectly with everything else happening.

"I'll leave you guys alone for a little bit. I'll be back in a couple hours to start the new neuro checks again. See you then." At least that time Bradford said a farewell, but just as always he was there and gone.

"What's the new neuro check-in," Hailey inquired?

"I don't know. It's probably adding verbal stuff now. Like asking him to open his eyes. There wasn't a point in asking that before because…"

"Yeah, true," Hailey remarked. Verbal commands, what a time to be living in. The two of them sat there for a few more minutes, soon concluding that Jay's little show and tell from the other side of life was over. He did his bit, hoped someone saw it, and now the show was over. It was a very antsy, but quiet next few hours. Life was afoot, and that pun was totally intended.

The early part of the afternoon was spent resting, recharging, settling back into the life of ICU living. It was amazing how quickly they got used to not hearing the ventilator breathing life into Jay, expelling breaths before starting all over again. IV stands were back to being annoying, those devilish things constantly going off and needing to be changed and switched over were back to being a nuisance rather then appreciated. The temperature of the room bothered Hailey once more, quietly complaining about how cold it was before saying things were too hot. Will knew the real reason for things, stress and fear truly put twists and turns and crazy effects into people's lives, but he remained quiet and kept his thoughts to himself as he watched Hailey add layers on before removing them a few minutes to hours later. The two of them did switch off with resting spells, neither getting more than an hour of rest at the most, as that was when Bradford would come in and check on things, but in bursts between things it really did help pass the time and keep things clicking off. Gone were the days of hoping and praying Jay made it through the day, now it was all about getting him fully back to them. Most importantly, seeing those eyes that they were really starting to miss. He needed to come back to them all the way now. The anticipation was killing them and Jay was really testing things now.

Will did turn out to be correct in feeling Jay's foot independently move, because when Bradford returned an hour or so later to check on things, that was the result they all got to witness firsthand. It was a very quick thing, nothing beyond a twitch and would very easily be missed by many, but it was full body movement nonetheless. It took till Bradford activated the painful stimuli portion of the neuro exam for things to happen, but regardless things did move and it was something worth celebrating. Hailey was more clung to Jay than ever, speaking a couple times to him followed by running her fingernails along his forearm, wherever her fingers were able to touch skin that wasn't cluttered by IVs and other wiring on Jay's arm. Will went as far as looking Jay's way, mentally telling him that they were ready whenever, but he left the speaking and touching to Hailey. Plus, it would've been very weird for the brother to do that kind of thing, not to mention he didn't want to fully freak Jay out and make him feel touch sensation on all sides of his unconscious person. As they worked their way through the afternoon and evening hours, Jay had given up moving for awhile, once again resting and trying to build up that strength for the future. Things were still progressing along, healing was happening and life was coming back into that very broken body with every passing minute, hour, neuro check-in. It felt like the holdout for all of this were those missing skull flaps. Once those missing pieces were finally put into place, that that truly was the start of Jay coming back to life, the instrumental items needed for things to be turned back on and rebooted fully. Between the two major surgeries it was all about adjusting, adapting, trying to sort things out and figure out what side of the life fence he was going to reside on. Once those decisions were made and Jay chose to return to the brighter, better choices of things, then things were allowed to really get rolling. It was incredible to watch.

Jay fell very quickly into his night owl routine, which was another amazing and odd and incredible thing to watch. Blame all the overnight stakeouts or all the time overseas, but Jay was next to never a morning person because he truly could stay up all night long. In fact, as Jay jokingly argued for himself one night deep in the world's most boring watch party, he explained that he did some of his best thinking and problem solving in the overnight hours and very early parts of the morning. Mind you, he said all of this between yawning and pausing to gather his thoughts. But just as he believed that he sprung to life when the world was at its' sleepiest and quietest, Jay Halstead seemed to be hellbent on returning to the world in those late, dark hours of time. Around 11pm he began moving his right foot back and forth, scraping the blanket back and forth for ten, twenty seconds at a time before going still. After 1am his hand twitched in Hailey's which really got her out of any thoughts of sleeping. Close to 3:30am his eyelids very slowly twitched, as if he was trying to blink through closed eyes. It was a single, slow motion but was very much there. And before too long one twitch became two, and then he was in full dreaming stage. Over the next hour between check-ins Jay was a twitching, just movement kind of guy, just continuing to tantalize his audience but never moving past that. But then, just after 5am, when everyone watching over him was about to pull their hair out over the dreaded anticipation and complete sleep deprivation, things truly changed forever, for the better.

"Jay, can you open your eyes," Bradford asked, as he'd been doing all day long? He was standing over the head of the bed, slowly pulling the penlight out of his pocket as the three of them watched and waited in very tepid silence. At this point Will and Hailey could mimic what Bradford was asking, having heard it so many times today and getting the exact same result each time. Bradford would ask, nothing would come from Jay, and they'd do this a couple more times till some very small movement was enough to entertain them and keep things going for awhile longer. This was all very mundane and expected at this point. When nothing came at that question, as it always did, Bradford clicked the penlight on, making sure things were at full strength before slowly hovering the thing over Jay's right eye and beginning to try and pull the lid open. But, the tension and resistance that greeted him this time around was so welcomed, so wished and willed and prayed for, that Bradford couldn't help but smirk in immense victory. He felt incredibly fortunate to know what was coming next, was the first human to be that welcome home party that Jay truly needed right then.

"What," Will nervously asked, meanwhile Hailey was waiting for the awful news to drop. His smirk was the oddity in all of this, but still it didn't smooth things over. All was going to plan and then nothing felt right.

"Jay, can you hear me bud," Bradford quietly egged on, ignoring the questions and concerns from the people around him. In a second, they'd forget they even asked or wondered about things. Bradford managed to get one wave of the penlight into Jay's eyes before Jay blinked extra hard, moving his head slightly away from the light before reopening his eyes to the world.

"Holy…shit," Will excitedly spoke up, now really trying to inch closer to Jay so he could confirm with his own eyes that what he saw happen truly did occur. Hailey meanwhile was pouring quiet tears as she just looked on at Jay looking back at the world. The final parts of Jay were back. He was back in the world. He was back in Chicago, he was home. And most importantly, he was awake. She couldn't bare to move, speak, do anything. Honestly this was too good to be true. Bradford just nodded, resting a hand gingerly on Jay's chest as the very exhausted, medicated, still surfacing blue/green eyes roved around the room trying to suss out what the hell was going on in his world right about now. Only when they glanced at the person putting pressure on his chest did Bradford beam with immense pride and happiness as he got to finally speak to his patient and get some kind of conscious response. What a week it had been, but this moment was worth it all.

"Hey man, you still need that Advil?"