** This chapter is based on Epilogue. Anything you recognize is not mine"
Chapter 5:
Ready
Jess lay on her couch with an ice pack on her back. She had physical therapy today and she was sure every muscle ache, muscles she didn't even know she had.
Her phone beeped, she looked at the text message from Chris. He wanted to have lunch, she wasn't sure if she had the energy to deal with him. Jess decided she would reply later,however, she knew she couldn't avoid him forever.
Jess heard the door to her apartment open and Don walked in carrying a pizza. This was his first day back since getting the green light from IA. He had been cleared of the shooting of Simon Cade.
"Hey," Jess said, scooting up to sitting position. "How was your day?"
Don lay the pizza down and he walked over to the couch and joined Jess. "Fine, did you see the shooting on the news?"
"The high rise building, the restaurant, the bar and the club in time square." Jess answered "the words 'Do we have your attention? Pay us and we'll stop' on the bulletin board, sounds like a super weird one."
"First case back and I got the crazy one. So far we have two fatalities, the bartender in the bar shooting and a young lady in the high rise building plus a missing security guard. " He replied,
"How was your day?"
Jess stretched her feet out and placed them across his lap "fine, saw Ruby, did physical therapy, had lunch with Ryan."
"And?" he asked, wanting to know how her appointment went.
"Everything hurts, every muscle aches but it is going good" Jess smiled. "Look what I can do"
She clutched her left hand into a fist. It had been too weak to do that before "the trimmers have also stopped and the numbness is going away"
It was wonderful news.
Don smiled. Things were good lately, really good. They had been living in their own little bubble since she got home from the hospital.
Tonight was another good night. Jess had made progress and Don was back to work. Things were returning to normal. Don repositioned himself so that he could move in for a kiss. "I'm proud of you" Don said "told ya, you would kick ass"
Jess pulled Don's tie and him into her so she could deepen the kiss. Up until now, they had both been very careful with physical contact. Jess wasn't ready. Don wasn't either.
"Jess," Don said. He wanted her and from the way she was placing the kiss on his lips, she wanted him too.
"Oh and I saw Dr. Morris today too," Jess smiled, letting Don move back. "I've been cleared for more light physical activity" Jess stated
"What exactly does that mean?" Don asked
"I can do more things than just physical therapy, I can go to the gym, for a run, and I can think of another physical activity we can do together," she replied, smiling seductively .
"You sure, Jess?" Don asked. He was nervous, why was he so nervous?
Jess nodded. She felt like she was ready and she wanted to be ready. Normally, she was a confident person and she never had body issues. However, her body wasn't the same as it was before the shooting. She had two scars from the bullets and she was self-conscious. In addition, she had lost weight. Jess was 5 '6 and 120 lbs or she was. She was always thin but it was a healthy weight for her height but now she was a sick thin. Don had not seen her naked since the shooting and she was nervous.
"Maybe we should wait," Don said.
"What?" Jess asked, confused. Why didn't he want to be with her? It didn't take long for her confusion to turn to anger and hurt. She felt like her insecurities were confirmed.
"I love you," Don said, trying to make sure she understood. He didn't want to reject her but she was there with an ice pack on her back and said she ached all over. Last thing he wanted was for her to overdo it and sex was very physical, especially the way they did it. He was terrified of hurting her. "But I just think we should wait until you are stronger, you are there with an ice pack on your back, the advils are out, and you've said you are in pain."
"I'm strong," Jess said, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. "I wish people would stop telling me how I am feeling, especially about my own body."
Don knew she was mad, he had rejected her. He didn't want to hurt her and those were legit reasons but there was more. He just couldn't shake the images of her on that diner floor or how she flatlined in the emergency room. He didn't want those images to be in his mind when he made love to her. He wanted the moment to be right.
"Jess, listen…" Don started to say
"Flack, I'm not made of glass" Jess said she was angry and hurt.
Don didn't want to fight. He also didn't want to explain to her why. "Maybe I should go back to my place." Don didn't want to leave her or abandon her but felt she needed the space. This seemed like the best thing for both of them.
Jess bit her lip that hurt too "maybe you should" she said letting her anger win.
"Call me if you need anything" Don said then he got up and left the apartment.
Jess stood there for a moment then the tears started to flow.
Jess sat in Ruby's office, waiting for her appointment. She had calmed down from the fight last night while she wasn't angry anymore she was still hurt. She sighed it wasn't about sex, not really, it was about the rejection, all her fears were confirmed when Don said no.
Jess just wanted to feel normal. She probably wouldn't have been so quick to react if it hadn't been for the fight she had with Ryan during their lunch.
Jess rubbed her eyes. She hadn't slept well. She had a new dream last night. It was so real, so vivid. She closed her eyes and tried not to think about it. But she couldn't get it out of her mind. Jess was lying on Sid's autopsy table. It was cold and sterile. Her father was in the corner crying. SId was getting ready to cut her open. Don was there telling Sid that she wasn't really dead, that someone got it wrong. Sid wouldn't listen and took his saw….
"Detective" Ruby called, interrupting her thoughts. Jess opened her eyes to see Ruby standing there. She had clearly been calling her name for some time. "Are you ready?"
Jess nodded and followed her into her office "are you ok?" Ruby asked as Jess took a seat.
"Its nothing," Jess replied "I'm ok"
Ruby eyed her. Jess liked Ruby for a psychologist. She was compassionate and good at her job. Jess never minded chatting with her plus she depended on her review to get back to work. "Well I've made progress with my arm" Jess said
"That's great but you don't seem pleased" Ruby stated making an observation.
"I had a fight with my brother yesterday. He said I was pushing myself too hard then I had a fight with Flack last night" Jess said "he said I wasn't ready for something I felt I was ready for."
"That must have been difficult for you." Ruby said "what was the fight about?"
"Nothing." Jess replied "it's private. I just want to feel normal again. I just want Don and everyone else to stop treating me like I'm made of glass. I know what I can handle, I know what my body has been through. But I'm strong and I'm still here. Sometimes I think everyone thinks I…" she let her sentence hang and stopped her rant.
"That you die" Ruby finished her sentence for her,
"I know I never but it's the way I feel sometimes" Jess said
"I get your frustration" Ruby replied "you are right, you were the one shot, it is your body and you know best but your family went through a trauma too. Maybe cut them some slack they love you"
"Yea, I know" Jess sighed
"As for Don, have you talked to him?" Ruby asked
"About the shooting?" Jess asked "He's been super supportive but we haven't talked about the details."
"Do you remember anything?" Ruby asked
"Some memories have come back. I remember the truck crashing into the windows, the sound of the shots, reaching for my gun but being too late, I remember the first shot hitting my side and the piercing pain then another shot to the arm. Next, I'm on the floor bleeding. I remember Don's voice and him being there. That's all I remember, I'm not sure if I want to remember anything else."
Ruby nodded "maybe you should talk with Don. Think about it, he was in the diner with you, that can't be easy for him either. I know you two have a good relationship,one of respect and you two are partners, equals. And you both are going through alot."
Jess took in what Ruby was saying "am I being selfish?" she wondered aloud. She had been so wrapped up in what she had been going through she never considered what Don was going through.
"No, Angell, that wasn't my point. Look, I've been doing this a long time. I've seen a lot of detectives suffer from PTSD. I know when detectives are putting up walls and pushing people away. What I'm saying is you've been through alot but so have your family and friends, don't shut them out." Ruby explained.
"Flack," he said into the phone
"Tonight - - you, me, a bottle of wine. I'll wear that black negligee I know you like," Jess said seductively
"Mom?" Flack asked with an amused look on his face.
"Ugh. Never mind. What are you doing?" Jess asked
"Breaking up with an old friend…you?" Flack replied
"Babysitting. Taking Conner Dunbrook over to the grand jury with a murder rap hanging over his head he's decided to save his own ass and testify against daddy…It'll be enough to put Robert Dunbrook away for at least 20 years...the good son is treating us to breakfast," She said
"Oh Yea? Let me guess Tillary diner two eggs over easy, turkey bacon on the crispy side, a glass of O.J," he said guessing what she ordered.
"Am I that predictable?" she asked
"Yes you are that predictable," Flack replied laughing.
"Ha-ha," she giggled.
"All right well tonight sounds great…I'll pick up some stuff, I'll be over to your place about…," But Flack never got the chance to finish his sentence…he could hear a loud crash and gunfire.
"Jess…?" Flack yelled into the phone, no she's OK, she has to be OK he thought, "get out! Get out!" Flack screamed at Terrence, he hit the sirens and floored it to Tillary Diner.
Then Don was in Tillary's dinner, screaming her name, "Jess! Jess!". He ran to her, "Hey Babe I'm here," Don said placing his hand on her cheek "hey look at me, where is the ambulance!" Don's voice called frantically, Flack looked down at her side and saw her wound, he knew Jess was losing a lot of blood…too much blood.
"Flack" Stella called, interrupting his thoughts. "Our missing security guard?" she asked as Flack stood from the body and she began to take pictures.
"Yes Ma'am" Flack replied, shaking the images out of his head "Albert Pelton. The high rise is three blocks that way"
"Looks like our perp got lazy" Stella replied "dumping the body so close."
"You know what I don't think it was a dump" Dom commented "Pardon me, for treading on your territory. But we got a blood trail that leads from there to here. And the space between the drops suggests run.
"Well there is no way our killer ran all this way carrying Albert's body." Stella replied
"Right, so it looks like our boy, Albert, tracked the shooter to this alley." Don shared his observation
"Well the wound suggests a knife" Stella stated after examining the wound " if the killer had a gun why not just shoot him?"
"Automatic weapons jams more often than not." Flack answered
Stella nodded, it made sense. "Large blood flow, deep wound–Looks like it severed the femoral artery. And Albert still went after the guy?" she asked with doubt in her voice. "I mean that's impossible. Albert had to have been stabbed here." A light went off in her head "which means the blood trail belongs to our shooter. He must have been hurt"
Stella walked around to the blood trail and Don followed her. "The size of the blood drops suggests that the wound was much higher. Possibly in the arm."
"Maybe his partner shot him" Flack said "and took off"
"And Albert caught up with one shooter right here." Stella said
"You know what, I don't get the sleeve." Don said
"No blood trail leaves here." Stella said
"Yeah" Don replied
"Our shooter used the sleeve to bandage a wound. This is blood spatter, not a stain. And there is no chest wound." Stella stated putting more of the pieces of the puzzle together.
"So it's our shooter's blood" Don said
"Yeah, and I think Albert here wounded our suspect" Stella smiled
Don walked into the precinct. From the DNA found on Albert they were able to get a hit in CODIS for Dave Willison only to find that he died at Trinity General after being dumped off by a man in a car.
That must have been his partner.
They were going through security cameras.
Don sat at his desk. On his computer screen was a tape note in Jess' writing.
He laughed to himself, "who left notes anymore?" he asked himself. Jess did. She liked the personal touch.
He opened the envelope and read
"Hey, Detective, we should talk. When you get off, come over to my place. No matter what time. I'll wait up. Love you, Angell."
Don picked up his phone and clicked her name, "Hoping it won't be too late, will be over when I get off. Love you too" He wrote in the dialogue box then he sent his text.
He didn't get to put his phone down when he got a text from Stella with the name of their other shooter, Tyson Melo."
Don smiled, thankful the case was almost done. He just wanted to go home to Jess.
Don walked up the hallway to her apartment, used his key and entered. Jess was curled up on the couch reading.
Jess looked up from her book, "What's this?" Don asked, pointing to the cupcakes resting on the island.
"Cupcakes, thought you were a detective" she joked. She got out from under the blanket and walked over to the kitchen.
"You bake?" he smirked taking one and popping it in his mouth
"Yes, I cook too. Just usually don't have time. But I was bored." Jess said, sitting on the chair next to her island. "It's my mom's recipe. She used to make them whenever us kids got sick. It was our treat when we got better"
Don smiled. He liked hearing about childhood stories. He took another cupcake from the plate and they both headed back into the living room. She said back in her spot and covered up in her devil's blanket. She had yoga pants on and was wearing his old police academy hoodie on. Her long hair was tied back into a french braid. She was beautiful.
Silence fell for a bit until finally Jess broke it "Listen, Don, I'm sorry about last night"
"No, I'm sorry" Don said "I didn't mean to hurt you"
"And I shouldn't have pushed" Jess said "Truth is, it hurt when you said no. I'm feeling insecure. about the scars and my body and when you said no, I felt you saw me the same way."
"Jess, you are beautiful." Don said "that was never a reason, you know I am attracted to you, right?"
"I do…just been having a hard time" Jess admitted "but today I realized I'm not the only one."
"Me?" Don asked
"Could not have been easy for you" Jess said "we've never talked about your side of things"
"I'm ok," Don said, letting her cuddle with him.
"No you're not" Jess said "I'm not. It is important for us to have mutual trust, honesty, and good communication."
"Been talking to Ruby have we?" Don joked
"Yes" Jess said "But I am serious. Don, you are in this right?"
"Jess, you know I am, I love you" Don said
"I love you too! Which is why we have to be able to talk about the messy stuff." Jess said.
Don went to speak but Jess continued "I'm not innocent in this either. I bottle things up and don't have the best track record with communication. But I'm trying."
"Jess, " Don said, "I'm not sure what you want me to say."
Jess snuggled into his chest. "The truth. Look, I know that day was difficult for you. It had to be."
Don wrapped his arms around her tightly. Neither spoke for a moment until Don whispered "it was the scariest day of my life."
"I have nightmares" Jess said
"I can't get the images of you on the floor of the diner out of my mind" Don admited
"I'm here." Jess said she put Don's hand on her heart letting him feel her heartbeat "I'm not going anywhere."
"We need to find a way to get past all this, don't we?" Don said, still feeling her heartbeat.
"We do, but it's not gonna happen overnight. We both have suffered trauma." Jess said "we are strong enough to get through this."
"We are and I promised to communicate better" Don said
"And stay" Jess went on "I know I told you to leave but when we fight I need you to stay. I feel the safest when you are around."
Don nodded. Jess stood up "lets go to bed"
"I'll be right in," Don said. He wanted to give her time to change. He went to the bathroom to get himself ready for bed.
Jess took off the hoodie she had on so she was just in her bra. She looked in the mirror and touched her shoulder. The scar was still pink, she was still healing.
"Can I come in?" Don asked at the door
"Sure," Jess replied.
Don entered and saw her standing in there, in her yoga pants and bra. Jess was beautiful. He walked over to her, he turned her around so they were facing each other. He touched her scar on her shoulder and traced a line down to the scar on her side "Jess, you are breathtaking"
Jess wrapped her arms around his neck, Don lifted her up and walked them both over to the bed.
They were both finally ready. The moment was right.