.: This chapter...Well, it made me cry. I love how I started this stretch thinking it was the final arc, but it's grown so much that it might as well be considered its own arc. But I did it for good reason that will make sense in the future. Now as I look toward what's to come next, I'm worried I'll have to take time off just to do some research. Whether I actually have to do that or not, I think it'll turn out great! :.
The Girl with A Half-Soul
Chapter 28:
The Inner Child Heals
The sound of a high-pitched whine was what roused her awake. It came and went, followed with deep breaths. Finally, the source of the noise got up and left the vicinity to go outside. That was a few minutes ago. Even though it was now peacefully quiet, it was not of good moral standing to leave it at that. She was used to losing sleep anyway.
Slowly getting up, she maneuvered through the room's obstacles on the floor. Many chests were rising and falling, and there were some snores to be heard. Someone fell perfectly into step behind her. When they crossed the threshold to the chilly air outside, they both saw the coat of shimmering silver fur. Luna sat close to the end of a ledge. Her whines silenced and her breathing stabilized. Now she just appeared gloomy and forsaken.
The matriarchs came to either side of her to sit down. Rikea, another silver wolf, sat on her right side, pressing herself close to her pup's side. She could sense the distress radiating off her. In spite of Luna being fully grown and not needing her parents anymore, Rikea still had maternal instincts and a close bond with her firstborn. All these moons of suffering from whatever Aurilee experienced caused her to suffer, too. It was tough seeing someone she loved go through that.
Since Tayen did not have her own daughter here physically, she found solace in her wolf counterpart. Both halves of the same soul may have been leagues apart from each other, but their sensations remained shared. The only problem was that Luna seemingly carried the brunt of it all. Her life was secure for the most part, yet she usually seemed miserable. Aurilee overwhelmed Luna. Maybe it was because she was pregnant, or maybe it was because her negative emotions and reactions usurped Luna's pleasant ones. Whatever it was, Luna was on the bad end of the ordeal.
Her womb was swollen despite being empty, and her sleep was restless. There were many days when she would fall into a fit. Barking, panicking, and reacting to pain were normal symptoms. Others looking in viewed it as random, but Tayen knew it was Aurilee being hurt and attacked by the pirates who stole her. Lately though, those fits have stopped completely. Yes, she still whimpered and got angry at times, but that was far tamer in comparison. This felt like one of those tamer moments of distress. Aurilee was just sad right now. Perhaps what awoken Tayen and Rikea was Luna expressing that along with her crying.
She gently brushed her fingers through her fur. (Her back was missing chunks after mysteriously falling out during a grueling fit that almost killed her.) All Tayen wanted was for Aurilee to have a better life. Something told her that would not happen until they were reunited. So, until then, Luna would most likely continue to live like this. Maybe they were finally through the worst of it. Luna had actually gotten energetic and acted like her normal self for a few moon phases. They all hoped it was a good omen.
"Don't worry, Luna," Tayen told her lowly. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise."
Staying as quiet as possible, Jolene brewed some coffee as the sun rose above the horizon. She wore a robe to stay warm, and her auburn hair was tied back in a messy bun. Buttons the cat repeatedly brushed against her legs, waiting for her first meal of the day. While the coffee was working, Jolene relented and opened up a can of wet food for her to chow down on.
After making two cups and pouring in creamer just the way she liked it, the sophisticated hillbilly took them both to her living area. Sanji had crashed on her couch overnight. He showed up not long after he had left, knocking on her door and looking defeated when she answered it. When he asked to stay, he appeared embarrassed. Jolene got the idea that he was not given a hearty welcome back. So, she slept in her bed alone after all. He was too much of a gentleman to have it any other way.
The least she could do was give him some coffee to try perking him up. Somehow, the potent smell did not wake him. She had to give him a little shake. Although his enthusiasm was lacking, he still accepted it with gratitude. "Rough night?" she asked, sitting in a chair across from him.
"Yeah. No offense to your couch," he answered before holding the mug to his lips and taking a sip.
"None taken," she laughed. "You wanna talk about it?"
"There isn't much to talk about," he confessed. "I just…really messed up."
"Did she yell at you or somein'?"
"No, but she was upset." He leaned over his lap while holding the coffee between his hands. "Aurilee's been through a lot. Me not coming back apparently triggered bad memories for her."
Jolene did not know anything about Aurilee other than the Straw Hat Pirates were taking her home. She was alone and pregnant by the looks of it. Perhaps that was the reason Sanji held her to a higher regard. But it was also reasonable to assume that Aurilee had been hurt in the past, and that was why he worded it like that.
If that was true, then it was all the more reason for Sanji to shower her in love and care. Maybe none of it was strictly romantic, but it was still enough to form a relationship. Whether or not Aurilee was his girlfriend, she still recognized Sanji's kindness and held onto it. She would not be deeply affected by this if Sanji was merely an acquaintance or a stranger. Besides, after experiencing a miniscule sum of Sanji, Jolene could tell that what dynamic they possessed paled in comparison to what Aurilee had with him. He had someone to take care of, and she probably allowed him to express that since it was the opposite of being hurt.
"Do you love her?" she investigated.
The question surprised him. Of course, he loved Aurilee! He loved all women. Big or small. Young or old. Nice or mean. They all deserved safety and happiness. He wanted to provide that and more for the ones who came into his life. As he thought about Aurilee's contagious smile and laugh, he could not help but smile himself. "I do," he confirmed with contained exuberance.
"No. I mean do you love her?"
Confused, he gazed at her for clarification.
"You love your crewmates, right?"
Nami and Robin were the first to come to mind. He would do anything for them. But he would also do anything to help his captain. Luffy changed his life for the better, after all, even if he always broke into the fridge when he was not supposed to. And Chopper was just a kid. He enjoyed making him sweet treats sometimes. As for Zoro and Usopp, he honestly did not really care, but he still spent time with them all the same. "Some more than others."
"That's called brotherly love," Jolene explained. "It's love within friendships. That's not the kind of love I'm talkin' 'bout."
"Then…you're asking what?"
"Like, are you gonna help her raise her baby?"
Now that was a fervent question. The cook already assumed that the crew would pitch in to help Aurilee. She was going to be very outnumbered with three mouths to feed as a single mother. If it was a set of twins, she might have been able to handle it by herself. Although he did not think of it as helping her raise her babies, he still planned on taking care of them as they needed. But if she needed more than just a babysitter…would he step up?
"I'll help her take care of them," he verbalized. "I don't think she'll be with us long enough for me to technically raise them."
Jolene smiled. "Then you do love her differently than your crewmates."
Loving Aurilee differently? He had only known her for a few weeks. It was true that he cared about her individually. Her trauma forced him to rein in his perverted behaviors, but there were other reasons why he treated her like glass. Ones he could only tell her. He sipped more of the hot coffee as he thought. Aurilee was so beautiful with just as beautiful of a soul, and she would remain just as beautiful after she gave birth. As for being sexy, no such label was necessary or sought after. Being a young mother set her apart in that regard. Maybe after she had the babies and her body returned to as normal as possible, he might think she was sexy then. That part of the future was unknown to him, though. Right now, she was just really cute to him. The affection and attractive for her was so soft compared to what he gave other women. Was that love?
"If you love her enough, you'll come clean to her," Jolene continued. "And if she loves you just as much, she'll find it in herself to forgive you."
"What kind of love do you call that?" he asked out of pure curiosity.
"Unconditional love. The kind that causes you to do anything for her no matter what has happened or could happen. It's almost like…I don't know…you can't help but love her that way."
The observation shocked him, but when he looked into her eyes, he found no deceit in them. Her emerald green irises only showed sympathy and a hint of jealousy. She knew Aurilee was extremely lucky to be loved that way by someone like Sanji. After getting a taste of it, she only wished she could experience the same kind of love as that for more than just a few hours. And what was crazy was that she hit the nail right on the head.
Sanji really did love Aurilee. It was not so much a romance between them, but more like a cordial and selfless bond. He would do anything for her, especially if it helped her get through rough patches in life. And even though she did not respond to his incessant compliments and evident efforts in wooing her, he noticed how she remained comfortable enough with him. Never once has she expressed wariness or was timid during his next movement. Even when he was delivering her meals while she was locked up in the girls' quarters those first couple of days, she never flinched. Because of that, he could only assume that he succeeded in showing her how he could be trusted.
Although now, he wondered if that would change. Maybe she would not be afraid of him physically hurting her, but she might be less willing to be around him. If that were to happen, he would be distraught. Jolene gave the best advice possible by saying he needed to be honest with her. It would lead to a deep conversation that he had never delved into before, but if it meant that Aurilee would find closure and understand him better, then he would gladly open up to her.
After finishing his cup of coffee, Sanji once again left her house. But this time, he did not step out without giving her a proper thank you. Jolene was shocked when he hugged her, but not because she did not enjoy it. The cook kept both hands pressed to the center of her back, and his face pressed into her shoulder. It was still unfortunate that they did not share intimacy last night, but she still helped him out in more ways than one. Her willingness to do that for him showed just how nice and virtuous she truly was.
But that did not stop his inner perversion from going haywire. Jolene was so cuddly and gorgeous that he wanted to do so many other things than hug her. He savored the moment for as long as he could. Nami and Robin would never let him hold them like this. This was his one and only chance to know what it was like. Her kisses would soon become a memory that he would lose tangible recollection of. All he wanted was to remember the woman who showed him what real romance was. It was nothing more than a fling, but their shared affection was true. Sanji was unsure if he would ever get the same whirlwind of emotions and passion from anyone again. He was glad he at least got it from Jolene.
When he finally departed, she was sad to see him go. Sanji was a man she would never forget. They were not meant to be, but he did show her what she wanted in a husband. And she would not settle for less.
The squalling rooster sounded at the crack of dawn. Belle's eyes shot open upon hearing it and quickly got to work making breakfast for everyone. It was something simple, but it would still require some time prepping and baking. By the time she came outside with a big basket of steaming bread, she saw the Straw Hats were up for the day. They saw her waving at them, and they all came running over to see what their first meal of the day was.
She called it biscuits and gravy. To put it simply, she made bread dough from scratch, rolled it flat, and cut it into circles before popping the tray in the oven. They were like bread rolls, but extra salty and buttery. When they were pulled apart, it was like they were layered and flakey. Something to spread over the top of them was the gravy, which apparently had meat juices as the main ingredient. Tasting it surprised Luffy but also enlightened him. He may not be chewing into a slab of meat, but he could still taste it!
They all crowded around the table inside Belle's kitchen as they ate and talked. When she realized they were still hungry, she quickly made more…and more…Luckily, the gluten in the biscuits started catching up to them and they slowed down eventually. But then Keith and Ellis showed up and she found herself making another yet tray.
Everyone moved outside when they were finished eating to start getting ready to set out for the day. But some of them got distracted. Keith and Ellis quickly stuffed their faces before convincing the four kids to help them set up a game. There was a ball, and they set up four spots in the shape of a big diamond. Curious what they were up to, Aurilee took a seat in the blue grass.
Around that time, Sanji strolled up onto the property. It was a little nerve-wracking showing up out of nowhere. But as soon as he eyes laid on Nami as she helped Usopp pack up a crate, he immediately ran to her. His legs moved so fast that they were like a tornado, and a bunch of hearts emitted over his lifted arms from the sheer happiness he felt. "NAMI-SWANNN!" he called out, startling her.
The navigator, who had her hair tied back in a little ponytail and wore a revealing crop top with cargo pants that stopped at her shins. "Where the heck have you been?" she questioned as she completely ignored the adoration display.
"Aw, did you miss me?" he replied, avoiding the question.
"Uh…no? But since you're here, maybe Belle has some biscuits leftover for you."
"Really?" He gazed around to catch the hillbilly, but instead, he found Aurilee sitting in the clearing. She was peering over her shoulder at him. The moment they made eye contact, she nervously looked away. But it did not take very long for her to see him again. Sanji made another run for it and dove, sliding across the grass next to her. "AURILEE, MY LOVE!" he called as she flinched from the unexpected greeting. "I returned just like I said I would!"
Completely masking her true feelings about it, she found it in herself to smile. "Yeah, you did," she replied. "I'm glad."
The display was almost believable. If Sanji had not overheard her grief a few hours ago, maybe he would have been completely oblivious to the act. And even if Aurilee was relieved that he came back, he knew there was still pain inside. The poor girl did not think that being upset was worth it, so she was burying it in hopes of getting over it. Although it was the mature thing to do, it still saddened him. She needed to learn that open communication was key. He could show her that in a little while.
Give me some time, and I'll explain everything. We just need to set sail first, he thought.
After that, the cook grabbed the three leftover biscuits Belle had and gave them a try. But that was not all he did with her. She gifted him with a box full of handwritten recipes. Grateful for it, he promised to give each one a try and even share them with Zeff someday.
In the meantime, Keith and Ellis got the other Straw Hats to join them and the kids for a quick game of kickball. Since Aurilee could not join, she was given the role of scorekeeper. "I mean, you can kick the ball and someone else run for ya!" Ellis tried solving.
"Thanks, but I can't see my feet when I stand. I'm fine being a scorekeeper."
"Hey, Sanji!" Luffy called as he ran over to him. "Be on my team!"
"And play kickball? Pretty sure that would give you the unfair advantage," he responded.
"They don't know that," Luffy teased.
"I'll just watch. Get Chopper to grow big and kick it into the woods."
"You're no fun! You wanna join my team, big hair lady?"
She giggled. It was not often that she got to goof off, but she was still young. She might as well enjoy it while they were here. "Sure."
"Great!" He turned around to run back to them all. "Big hair lady's on my team! That's three!"
When he left, Belle asked out of curiosity: "You got a strong leg?"
"Yes, ma'am," Sanji answered. "My hands are for cooking only."
She gazed over at Aurilee as she sat with crossed legs and watched the two teams get set up. It looked like Luffy was captain of one team and Ellis was captain of the other. Team Luffy consisted of Luffy, Zoro, Chopper, Belle, Hank, Virginia, and Owen. Team Ellis consisted of Ellis, Keith, Beau, Usopp, Nami, Robin, and Maggie. It was evenly split between fourteen people. It would just be him and Aurilee spectating. "Keep that sweet girl company, will ya?"
He looked at her as she descended the stairs to pass him, but she brushed a hand over his shoulder. Belle knew he went home with Jolene last night, and she figured they had sex, but she still had hope he would continue caring for Aurilee after today. Since Jolene did not come with him, maybe he would give her his full attention.
By the time the game started, he was back to sitting next to Aurilee. He would keep the score of Team Ellis, and she would do Team Luffy. The only distraction was the chocolate lab trotting around. Other than that, they were good to talk to each other. Nobody else paid attention to them or tried eavesdropping. Sanji actually considered getting things off his chest here and now, but before he could speak, she did.
"I'm surprised Jolene isn't here."
There was no vindictiveness in her tone. In fact, she sounded very casual mentioning it. He gulped as he treaded lightly. "Oh, right, she had things to do. So no day sail for her, it looks like."
"Still. She should see you off when we leave."
Zoro rolled the bouncy ball toward Robin as she stood on home plate. Her kick launched it in the air, and Hank nudged Owen to go chase after it as fast as he could. It was enough time for the archaeologist to jog to first base, so she stopped there safely.
"Nice one, Robin, my dear!" Sanji cheered happily.
Owen ran the ball all the way back to Zoro to continue the game. If the swordsman was hungover, he showed no outward symptoms of it. His rolls were pretty consistent of speed and force.
Returning his attention to Aurilee, he responded to her proposition. "I already said bye to her. I doubt she'll show up when we leave."
A little surprised, she glanced at him. "And you're not sad about that?"
"Not exactly. I'd rather have you here with me anyways." He smiled at her and reached over. "All of you, I mean."
His words were honest, shocking her. When she did not protest it, he rested his hand on her belly and gave it a rub. Did he really just admit to desiring the unattractive pregnant girl compared to the beautiful bachelorette? Why?! Was their sexual encounter that bad? Aurilee was dumbfounded. He obviously spent the night with Jolene. If he was going to cut his losses like this, it would be an interesting way to go about it. This was Sanji for crying out loud. If it had boobs and breathed, he would probably express his horniness for everyone to see.
The only way she could wrap her head around it was what Belle said to her yesterday. As he waited for a kick to happen, she was reminded of the idea that he liked her because she was pregnant. Seeing his face light up when one of the babies moved rectified that for her. He was disappointed when it settled down and felt it was time to pull away. There was just some kind of spark that kindled in that moment. If one of Sanji's life goals was to someday settle down with a nice girl and start a family, maybe he felt like he was getting a sneak peek at that kind of life through her. But if the All Blue was his priority, there was a chance he would be waiting a long time for that to happen.
Keith stepped up to the plate. Two of the bases were loaded. Only one person had struck out so far. If he could get a home run, this game would find its end a lot faster than anticipated. But Zoro gave him a fair roll just like the others. When he kicked, though, the ball was not the only thing that caught air. His right pantleg suddenly shriveled, and the prosthetic that once occupied the inside of it spun high. Nami and Chopper audibly gasped along with Usopp's yelp of horror. Keith had a fake leg this whole time and nobody noticed or knew about it?!
He hit the ground with his leg yards away from him, and he frantically started crawling toward first base. Everyone else almost dropped to the ground, too, but it was due to laughter. Luffy laid on his back with legs kicking and hands clutching his stomach. Ellis ran to Keith and started commanding him to get to first base faster while everyone was distracted. The players currently loading the bases ran to the next, but nobody was trying to stop them. They were having too much fun.
"Twitchy! It's time to leave!" Luffy prompted as he approached the goat pen behind the cabin. He saw adult goats with a few young ones inside of it, but there was no mistaking which one was his pet. The black fur in his face was shaped a certain way, and he would swing his head and kick his back legs for no reason. Instead of being greeted, however, Twitchy ignored him. "Come on, Twitchy!"
Usopp came next to him. All the goats were waiting to be let out for the day to roam. The youngest were latching onto their mothers for a drink. Twitchy competed for a turn until he was allowed.
"Why won't Twitchy come to me?" Luffy asked. After all, he had come before.
"I don't know, Luffy. Twitchy looks pretty happy in there," Usopp pointed out. "You really wanna separate him from his kind again?"
"But…he's our pet."
"Yeah, but let's be real here. Here he has plenty of food, a place to sleep, and other goats to interact with. It's exactly what he needs. You want him to be happy, don't you?"
The thought of not bringing Twitchy with him after everything they have been through together kind of devastated Luffy. He slumped against the fence with his arms hanging over the side and let his knees slack. "Yeah…"
"Then let's leave him here and let him live out the rest of his life."
"Okay…"
Hearing that he surrendered to the idea relieved Usopp enough to almost sigh. Instead, he brushed a hand across his back. This really was for the best, but he was mostly happy not to have to build him a little house anymore.
The rest of the crew was getting ready to head out by saying their goodbyes. Ellis was trying to play it off cool, but he was actually really sad that Nami was leaving. Nami kept the idea open that they could potentially come back one day to visit. Although, she hoped he would be hitched by then, so he did not have the same fixation on her.
Some of Zoro's drinking buddies showed up with a wagon full of jars. It was everything they had of moonshine. Usually, they cost a pretty berry to sell in town, but they wanted him to just take it all. Like Zoro would ever pass up free booze, even if it was cheaply made. He brought up the jars, passing Sanji as he stood at the edge of the Merry having a smoke.
"What's that?"
"Moonshine. It's liquor."
"Oh. Put it in the pantry, will you?"
Maybe I can use it to flavor dishes by evaporating the alcohol, he thought.
Belle told Aurilee to keep the overalls and rubber band since it would be comfortable to wear, and she was done having babies anyway. Then she gave her a hug and wished her luck with her baby and finding her way home. "I'll be thinking 'bout you, Shug."
"Thanks. I'm having three, so I'll need all the thoughts and prayers I can get."
"Bless your heart!"
Before Robin boarded the ship, she gave Maggie a squeezing hug and told her to be a good girl. Also, she requested that she tell all her stuffed animals goodbye for her.
"I will!" Maggie happily agreed.
"Good." She let go of her and went to board the Merry. Following her was a distraught Luffy and Usopp, who kept a hand on his shoulder to comfort him for the minor loss.
Chopper grabbed the plank. "Is that everyone?"
"Looks like it," Nami answered as she came to the edge with Sanji. "Bye! Thanks for the great food!"
"Good luck with the rednecks!" Belle said as she waved.
"Man, I hope Nami's gonna be alright," Ellis said to Keith as they also waved. "I hope I didn't break her heart by not goin' with 'em."
"She didn't ask you to go with 'em," Keith reminded him. "I reckon she don't like you that way."
"Don't say that, man! She is an aingel!"
As the crew pulled anchor and rowed out of the river's mouth, Sanji noticed someone else walk up the dirt path just in time. Jolene saw him among the crowd and lifted her hand to wave him goodbye. It would be the last time she saw him more than likely. When she saw Aurilee join him, she could not help but feel a pang of jealousy. But he smiled at her nonetheless and waved back. He was happy she showed up in the very end. They went their separate ways to pursue different walks of life.
The four-hour journey to the rednecks was finally beginning. Sanji took a few minutes to shower and change clothes. He was ready to get out of his suit. After slipping on a pink button-up and rolling up the sleeves past his elbows, he threw on a vest and chose shorts that ended at his knees. He looked at himself in the mirror as he freshened up, coming up with a plan to get Aurilee alone.
Luckily, when he went looking for her, he found she was already alone. She was back on the upper deck taking down the now dry laundry. Baskets were filling up with folded articles. She would deliver everything to the correct room and was planning on taking a nap afterward. It was funny how their excursion had come full circle. Sanji took a deep breath before rounding the corner. "Can I help you with the rest?" he asked.
"If you want to," she answered, using the surface of her belly to fold a shirt before dropping it in Robin's basket.
He unpinned clothes with her to get the job done in half the time. What was better about this than washing the clothes was how she was standing the whole time. That way, she would not get as tired doing it. Physically, she felt okay, but mentally, she was drained. When he showed up after breakfast, she felt like all the weight lifted instantly. All that crying was for nothing! But even with him here with her, away from distractions, she felt like things were left unanswered. And it did not help that she was doubting his true intentions for buttering her up. The words echoed in the back of her head, almost mocking her anxiety.
I'm tired of pretending to like you.
I'm tired of pretending to like you.
I'm tired of pretending to like you.
"H-Hey, Sanji?" she suddenly blurted out.
He glanced at her, noticing the shaking in her voice. This whole time, he had been trying to find the gumption to start a meaningful conversation with her, but he struggled with an opening. This was not the opening he envisioned.
"I need you to be honest with me. Please."
"Of course, I will. What's wrong?"
"Did you…Did you leave with Jolene last night because you were t-tired of me?"
Hearing that pierced a knife through his heart. She was not crying, but she sounded like she wanted to. He just wanted to drop everything and give her a hug. The guilt he faced late last night was creeping back up on him. In an attempt to ease her, he tried sounding as sweet as possible. "Tired of you? I never get tired of you!"
She got annoyed by the act. It drove her to distrust him. "But if that's true, you would've come back before the morning. And you didn't."
He watched a film of saltwater blink away from her eyes. The apparent pain crushed him. "I know. I'm sorry," he said as he placed clothes in a basket. "I told her I had to go back, but she…"
"Slept with you," she finished for him.
Not feeling worthy enough to look her in the eye, he lowered his gaze. "Well, that was the plan, but it didn't happen."
"Sure."
"I didn't sleep with her, Aurilee. I couldn't go through with it."
"Why not?"
"Because she said you weren't pretty, and I didn't appreciate that."
She looked away indignantly. Again with this?
Seeing how that did not work, he decided to come closer and get to what he wanted to. "Aurilee, can I tell you a secret?"
Something about the proposition did not pique her interest. She did not believe him one bit about any of this. Instead, she wanted to hear the opposite of what he was saying. Bring the suffering in full swing. Do not hold back with her. She had been to Hell and back already. Just hurt her already so she can move on with her life.
Before saying anything else, he took her hand and spread her fingers out. Since she struggled with literacy, he decided to show her with visuals what he was talking about. "My name is Sanji. S-A-N-J-I." He designated each of her fingers with a letter. "San- means 'three,' or 'third,'" he explained as he folded her last two fingers. "-ji means 'son.' So, that makes me the 'third son.'"
She watched him fold her first three fingers and free the last two.
"The reason I was named the 'third son' is because I was born in a set of quadruplets."
Hearing that made her finally look up at him.
"I say that to say…Well, I don't get tired of you because you remind me of my mom. She carried my brothers and me like how you're carrying your triplets." Sanji closed her hand to hold it between his. His palms had minor scars from his years of cooking, but his hold was still tender and careful. As he reminisced about visiting his mother as a young child, his face softened. "She was also really sick and bedridden. I was probably only four or five years old when I lost her."
She kept quiet as her frustration ebbed away. This was the first time he had ever opened up to her. There was no way she was taking the opportunity away from him. Finding out that he lost that maternal love revealed a fracture in his heart. He hid it away because it was painful. Maybe he even tried filling that void with women, and that was why he desired every single one in the world. But nothing like that would fill the void. Time could only teach people how to live with losses like that.
"I would do anything to have a few more minutes with her," he understandably confessed. "But…when I'm with you, I feel like I get that comfort. Not that I think of you as my mom, but things about you make me think I'm back with her. I know when I say that, it's obvious what the parallel is between you and her." When he lowered their hands, they touched her belly. "But it's more than that. I imagine she went through a lot like you did. She probably got so big and dealt with a lot of discomfort, but it didn't stop her from being the kind and loving woman she always had been…just like you."
Hearing him speak about his mother so fondly took her breath away. All she could see was a little boy who missed his mom. And suddenly, him pleading with her in Lollybroch made more sense.
"You and my mom are both incredibly strong women who deserved better. Since I couldn't give that to my mom, I'm doing everything I can to give it to you. But I let you down yesterday, and I'm so sorry that I didn't choose you." For a brief moment, his face contorted, but he managed to keep his composure as he finished. "All I want is to be someone you can rely on and come to for anything. I don't want my broken promise to ruin that–"
Tears welled up in her eyes so thickly that they involuntarily dripped onto her cheekbones. Wondering if she was still internally battling her insecurities, he tightened his hold on her hand.
"I could never get tired of you because you heal me, Aurilee. You're therapeutic to be around. I want to be a man worthy of your love. Like I could ever get tired of you if I want you that badly."
More tears dripped until there were visible lines ending at her jawline. By then, she was unable to hold back her sobbing. But she did something that caught him by surprise. Using her free arm, she swathed him in a hug. The air in his windpipe refused to move. She was so close to him. With her face pressed into his shoulder, she pulled her other hand free to complete the embrace. She was…happy. "Y-You w-want me?" she blubbered.
He smiled as a couple of his own tears fell. The returned hug was not forceful enough to hurt the babies, but it still showed affection he could not put into words. Brushing his hands under her hair just to cross over her shoulders and neck, he found himself pressing his cheek against her cranium. "Always," he confirmed.
Hearing that made her creased lips curve upwards. She believed him. As she refused to let go of him, she only hoped that her embrace also reached his inner child. Maybe he had finally stopped shedding tears for the first time in years.