I am not sure if I completely understand what about the dialogue is bad but I would prefer you to give me an example of fanfiction or rewrite a dialogue in a way that you prefer, and if you decide to give me a Fanfiction, I prefer Naruto fanfiction, that can help me improve. I would love your help. Thank you :)
…
"I Officially Declare you one of our own, you're ready to get the ANBU tattoo." said the Commander. He had a dark blue mask with a horn pointing from the chin like a beard. He had Dirty blond hair and dark eyes, he was about 5 foot 9 inches in height. It had been a year and 4 months of Anbu training where I basically increased my stealth, speed, Accuracy, Studied Anatomy of different creatures including humans, Mastered different weapons, got used to killing, learned water and earth chakra natures and worked on fire myself, I had surprisingly also made friends, Shisui was kinda a friend but he was more my teacher, I Made friends with Inu, Itachi and was in good terms with Tora, Neko, Kuma, Uma, Usagi. Others were neutral toward me. "Come here tomorrow at 8:30, you will be officially declared an anbu in front of Hokage sama" He said interrupting my thoughts
"Yes Sir" I replied
"Dismissed" I Shunshined out and met up with my squad, Inu, Karasu, Washi and me, Kage.
"Congratulations" Inu said
"Thank you senpai"
"Now You will be an official member of our team, Go take a break today, You have Improved a lot" Said Karasu
"Alright then, see you tomorrow at the Hokage office" I said as I Shunshined out of there to my Apartment. The time had gone by so fast, it was so surreal being in anbu. This whole thing was starting to feel like a dream
Profile
Ryu Sasaki (Male)
lvl:60 (Exp:552540/10000000000)
Age: 6
Title: The Gamer
CP: 2155000/2156300
HP: 200000/200000 (You cannot have more than 200000 HP at the age of 6 as a human)
CC: 98% (You need to master all 5 basic chakra natures to obtain 100%Chakra Control)
Str: 290
Spd: 2000
Sta: 3070
Int: 1200
Wis: 2150
Luck: 10
Stealth: 800
Vit: 2185.3 per min
Def: 625327
Chakra Regeneration: 10781.5/min
The stats are getting ridiculous, I have twice as much chakra as Itachi and he has the most chakra out of everyone except me. And I have half a mil HP. Stealth was expected because they especially trained me in it. Everything matches except the 2000 speed looks so high but is really slow. I am the slowest of my team. I Still have high genin Strength.
He went out in his normal clothes and went to Ichiraku Ramen. He Sat down and started my order and He spotted Naruto with the Hokage coming towards the stand.
"Ah Hello Hokage sama, Naruto" I bowed to the hokage and greeted Naruto like I used to greet him, He had grown about an inch from the last time they had met.
Why have I never Used Observe on him?
"No need to bow Sasaki Kun, we have not met in a while" he replied and looked at naruto from the corner of his eye
"Hey Sasaki, How have you been?" Naruto asked me. He had quit shouting near me, but only near me. I had Guard duty on him occasionally when The others wanted time off and went to The Akimichi barbeque. That is where he found that it was only when he was present that he would not shout. It was nice in a way but also extremely annoying.
"I have been good, Have a seat" I replied and gestured to the 2 free seats near me"
"Naruto Kun, The limit is 5 bowls" The Hokage said to him
"No need for that Hokage Sama, It will be on me. It has been nearly 6 months since I have last met him" I said sheepishly
"Careful young man, He has quite the appetite now, He can eat more than an Akimichi" He replied Jokingly
Observe
Uzumaki Naruto (?)
Title: Village Pariah
Age: 6
lvl:1
CP: 4000000/4000000
HP: 100000/100000 (malnourished)
CC: 1%
How does he have twice as much chakra as I do without any training… This kid is the most genetically blessed kid I have ever seen. He is also malnourished, He should eat healthier to get better. And what the fuck is the questionmark on his gender, is he not human?
"Ah now Naruto, That much ramen is not good for you, You should eat a variety of foods" I chided him in the same joking tone that Hokage was using
"Not you too, Even Teuchi Says that to me, and he is making profit" We all started laughing after hearing him. To my surprise, his stomach got full after he ate 11 large bowls. I paid for it and we walked to the Hokage Office.
…
"Good morning Hokage Sama" I Greeted the Sandaime Hokage
"Good morning to you too Shadow, You are here to get your tattoo I see" Replied the Hokage
"Yes Hokage sama" He gestured me to the seat that was placed near the whole tattoo setup
"I need you to pour a little bit of chakra into this ink" Said the Anbu Commander
"This tattoo Works as an ID of being an anbu and also an emergency signal to other anbu that you need help and alerts everyone" Said the Hokage. "To activate you need to put your finger on the tattoo and put enough chakra to make a Henge. There is another part to this seal at the bottom, it works as a uniform sealing, if you put your anbu uniform on and use this seal it will take it from you and seal it and then you put your normal clothes on and you can switch from anbu clothes to normal in an instant" He continued
After they were done he met his team who had taken their first A rank mission. Their team was the best in the whole of anbu, so one of them needed to stay with the sandaime the whole time while when the others came they released him of the duty. Sasaki had never needed to do this because he was not officially an ANBU yet.
"We need you to Guard the Hokage for about 2 days. You can use a shadow clone to have time to sleep, This is the usual tactic when there is a solo guard duty." Said Karasu
"Alright, Good luck" I said
"Thanks" They all replied together and then Shunshin away. I used Shunshin to get into the Hokage's office.
"Ah I see, They left you here for your first guarding post, That's about what I expected" The Hokage said
"Yes Hokage Sama" I replied from my hiding place, I Could Casually hide from anyone under level 160. Kakashi's level was 146. I didn't see a lot of ninja's higher than him. But the hokage was definitely one. I could still not see his level.
"Hokage Sama, The elders are here, May I let them in?" The secretary said, This one was new.
"Yes you may" The Hokage ordered
…
"This is way more exhausting than I thought" I said to my team who had just returned from the A rank. I was dead tired
"Well, You'll be fine," Washi said.
"Mission to Killthe Prajñā GroupWas a success"
"Very Well, Any complications?"
"One Special Jonin named Might Guy Was present when we Killed them sir, He was against killing them and there were way more than the numbers we expected, About 90." Inu replied
"Very well, I will take care of that Issue and your mission will be Increased to S rank instead. You are Dismissed, Take a day off, leave your shadow clones behind" Hokage said, He also knew this was only a form of Formality. Hokage was the strongest in the Village. There was hardly any threat to his life that he could not take down himself, and the ones he could not, he could buy enough time to get reinforcements.
"Yes Hokage sama" We all replied in Unison
…
"So you have learnt the Double scroll summoning technique?" Asked Inu
"Yes and I have heard you are the 3rd best in Fuinjutsu behind Jiraiya sama and Hokage sama"
"Ah yes, I was the Student of the Yondaime Hokage, The best sealmaster of the leaf"
"So can you teach me?" I asked him
"I can" Said Inu
"Thank you, Inu Taicho" I replied A bit Cheerfully
…
1 months timeskip…
I had grown really close to Shisui due to us splitting up and Kakashi and Itachi Preferring to work with each other. That didn't mean that they were growing apart. There was something about being in danger together that makes you bond way deeper than anything else.
"Mission Success Taicho" I said
"Well done, Let's get going"
…
1 month later
Sasaki had noticed that there was an underlying tension between the leaf's population and the Uchiha clan. There was something going on.
"Sasaki, let's go, is there another mission?" Shisui asked as we went to get Itachi. This was the first time me going to Itachi's house
"I'll stay outside" I said to Shisui
"Alright"
…
"Who is that Itachi Senpai" I asked him
"That is my dear little sister, She is about a month younger than you"
"Oh, Ok, I was hoping to get a B-rank Escort and Protection mission as Get a Vacation of sorts. Somewhere like Tea country
"Well that would be nice, go and see what mission we have while I go fetch our Captain" Said Shisui
"Very well" Was said by Itachi While I just nodded
…
"Itachi San, Is something the matter with the Uchiha?" I asked Itachi. He looked at me sharply "I have noticed some animosity from the villagers to the Uchihas and I wish to know why" I continued
"I" Itachi Paused, Probably thinking over my question and what answer to give. "There is indeed some animosity, and it is Due to the rumor going around that an Uchiha could have caused the kyuubi attack, nothing too serious. It is because our ancestor, Uchiha Madara once controlled the Kyuubi" He said Carefully choosing his words
"Oh alright, I think they are here" as I said when Shisui and Kakashi entered the hall. I had gotten better at spotting a Shunshin.
"Lets go, we will take our First S rank, I believe He is ready" Inu Said with me being the one he referred to as being ready. I just nodded
They went to the Hokage's office.
"There is an S rank mission to kill Hostile Kiri Shinobi that have crossed the borders and have killed a squad of Chunin doing border patrol. They escaped before any others could capture them or eliminate them. The mission is to Capture them if possible or eliminate them" Hokage gave the mission file to Inu. "I Would suggest you take another anbu with you, But if you think you are sufficient then it is fine" Originally Tora and Neko were going to join team RO with Kakashi and Itachi, But after they took me in and Shisui's squad was dismantled, Hokage sama thought it would be much better if This was the squad instead.
"We will take the mission with just 4 members" Inu Replied
"Very well, Dismissed"
…
"The mission was a Success. We captured him and he is in the T&I Office, But Our leader is Injured" Itachi replied Replied
"Karasu, You are the team leader from today onwards. Dismissed" The Hokage replied
"Hai Hokage Sama" Everyone replied in Unison
…
It had been another 1 month, tension with the Uchiha was getting higher, I had been hearing some rumors going around. There was something happening. Leaving that aside, we had done 1 more S rank missions to Takigakure where there was a sighting of Orochimaru's subordinate. Kakashi, after recovering, was surprised that Itachi had become the Commander at the age of 11. I was just walking back to my apartment when I met Naruto again. It had been quite a while since I had met him. I invited him to my home together. Also for some reason Shisui was insisting on me calling him Nii san. I did not mind really, but I had questions on what caused it.
"SURPRISE" I jumped back with a Kunai in my hand and dragged Naruto behind me in a defencive posture.
"What the hell Shisui Ni san, Why are you all here? Why did you scare me like that" I Rapidfired questions at them. My whole squad was here without the uniform and masks
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" They all choresed. Wait what. I looked at the calendar and Fuck me.
"I forgot it again" I Face palmed
"It just made it easier to make a surprise birthday party," Shisui said. I saw from the corner of my eye that Naruto was surprised and quite uncomfortable.
"Thanks, But I invited someone," I said, gesturing at naruto. All of a sudden he felt extremely uncomfortable with all the attention on him.
"Don't worry, We can add him to the party too. We brought a lot of stuff" Shisui said. And I smiled
…
3 months later
"Is everything in position" Inu said in the intercom
"Yes, target is 50 feet away from the location" replied Shisui
"Are the preparations done?" Inu said, this time to me
"Yes, everything is in place, I am just waiting for the target" I replied
"We have a problem, Hokage sama is following him from a distance" Shisui said urgently
"I had anticipated as much, There is no need to worry, My clone has probably talked to him about it" I said to them
"Good work Sasaki, Now we wait" Inu said
"Target incoming" Shisui said
"Alright count down" said inu
"3" said Shisui, not quite sure. "2" he said more confidently. "1" He said sure "And Action" At that we all sprang up and
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NARUTO" I had felt bad about them throwing me a surprise party so i decided to Throw one to naruto
Naruto was shocked
"Sasaki? Why all this?" He said to everyone
"It's your birthday ofcourse" And then he started crying again. And I had learnt different ways to calm down children from reading all sorts of books
"Aha I see" An old voice came behind naruto and kicked him out of the shocked state.
"Jiji, Did you prepare this?" he asked his voice Choked with crying
"I did not, Unfortunately, It was sasaki kun's idea if I am not mistaken" The Hokage said smiling
"Th-thank you," he said to me. I just held him
"Let's blow out the candles now" and now I had just realized, these moments were the only precious moments Shinobis had. These meetings with friends and family, the pure joy in the eyes of people, this was something worth living for. This is how the soldiers felt after they came off the battlefield after the wars between nations. This is what they fight for, this is what people die for. This surreal happiness is what was the greatest reward of doing anything. This is what is called happiness.
…
Profile
Ryu Sasaki (Male)
lvl:60 (Exp:181222540/10000000000)
Age: 7
Title: The Gamer
CP: 2556300/2556300
HP: 500000/500000 (You cannot have more than 500000 HP at the age of 7 as a human)
CC: 97% (You need to master all 5 basic chakra natures to obtain 100%Chakra Control)
Str: 300
Spd: 2100
Sta: 3470
Int: 1300
Wis: 2350
Luck: 10
Stealth: 820
Vit: 2586 per min
Def: 766890
Chakra Regeneration: 12781.5/min
Sasaki was currently working on the lightning element with the help of Inu and Shisui and Wind release with Shisui. He wanted to have 100%CC just so he could max out his skills. He wanted to be better, Better than the Rikudo sennin. His calligraphy was on par with Kakashi, maybe even better. He was about level 5 at Fuinjutsu mastery, Slightly Higher than the Hokage, it was because The sandaime Hokage had 95%CC that he was better than him. Lower than Jiraiya of the Densetsu no Sannin. He was level 6. He used clones to increase progression exponentially
CC is 1% lower, need to train more
"Alright, What's wrong with the Uchiha, why is there so much tension?" I asked Shisui
"Where did this question come from" Asked Shisui puzzled
"I have asked Itachi but he just said it was because of the Kyuubi attack, I don't believe that's completely true" I said. "And this is a private place as far as I know, no one is going to be here"
"Lets go to somewhere safer, I don't like talking about sensitive topics out in the open"
"Earth Dome Jutsu" I slammed my hand on the ground and also placed silencing seals on the walls. "Now talk" so he did. He explained the whole story from the myth of sage having 2 sons to the Uchiha clan's founding to now that they were getting hate because of Tobirama's bias towards the Uchihas excluding the Coup d'etat they that was getting a of agreement recently also not telling him about Uchiha Madara being still alive and talking to the Uchihas in secret.
"That is about it, did I miss anything? I don't think so" He said
"That's one hell of a story" I replied, fitting this information everywhere I could. Solving the puzzles that were just laying there for me to solve.
"Yeah, and the clan isn't happy about it either, the Kyuubi Attack just added the fuel on fire, I just wish that fire does not engulf the Uchihas or the leaf" He said
"I see, have you told the Hokage about this?" I asked. There was something he was not telling me but I believed he will when the time is right.
"Let's go meet Itachi, and this time, I am bringing you with me"
…
"Hello Mikoto Sama" Shisui said with a bow
"Hello Mikoto Sama" I Copied him
"Shisui Kun, Welcome, you are here for Itachi I Believe" Said Mikoto
"Yes, Is he here?" Shisui said
"No he went to get some groceries for me but who is he?" Mikoto Asked Shisui with a smile.
"He is well… you could say a friend, I found him training at the spot Itachi and I train, from there on we have been friends, he just tagged along because he wanted to see the Uchiha compound" He replied, I looked at him confused, and then it hit me. I was an anbu, If she was told an anbu was with Shisui in the Uchiha compound, They would think they were under surveillance from the hokage and the Distrust will grow, So I needed to keep my anbu Identity hidden
"I am Ryu Sasaki, It is a Pleasure to meet you" I replied Acting like a child who is learning to be polite
"Ah Such a Cute Kid, No need for such formal introduction. I have a daughter about your age and I know how kids like to be" She said with a caring smile. She was not suspicious.
"Itachi San has a Sister?" I asked Shisui In fake surprise
"Yes he does, Do you want to meet her?" Mikoto asked me. I nodded
"Kiyomi come down, their is someone here to meet you" Mikoto called her
"Coming" she said as she rushed down "who is it?" She excitedly asked. "Oh Shisui Nii san"
"Hello Kiyomi Chan, How are you doing" Asked Shisui Happily
"I am doing great, But Itachi Nii is always gone. Can you tell him to come home more often?" She asked quite annoyed at Itachi
"I will tell him that. Anyways This is Sasaki" Shisui introduced me. I was about 4 inches taller than her.
"Oh Hello, But Shisui Nii doesn't have a brother" She asked, At this point I could see all the emotions she was experiencing. Kids were cute when you could read their face clearly.
"Oh I don't, he is like my brother tho, He is not an Uchiha" He replied ruffling my hair
"Oh My name is Uchiha Kiyomi, Youngest Child of Uchiha Fugaku, The clan head and only sister of Itachi Uchiha" She smiled
"I am Ryu Sasaki, I am an orphan" I replied with as much cheer as I could.
"You too, You can play in the garden but Itachi is coming soon"
"Ok" We replied together and Kiyomi dragged me to the garden. There was a swing 2 benches and it was covered with flowers.
"We can play Ninja, I will hide first and you find me" She said
"I don't know what Ninja is" I said
"Oh it's simple, the person who is hiding will be the rogue and the person who is finding them is going to be the Hired ninja. We will get 3 wooden kunai each for every person that is playing, there has to be either an even amount of rouge and hired or the rogues need to be more. You cannot have more than 3 Hired Ninjas. We throw kunai at each other if we think the other is in range, if the kunai hits the person that got hit is eliminated, if you miss then the person knows where you are. The team that is eliminated first loses. I was playing with Itachi earlier so we already have 6 Kunais, we cannot go outside the garden boundary. Because we are playing alone, we will have to hit 2 times to win. I will be the rogue for the first round and you have to cover your eyes and wait 30 seconds to begin" She said Huffing after saying the whole thing.
"Alright, I understand" I took 3 Kunai and covered my eyes. Waited till the clock hit 30 seconds and then removed the blindfold.
"Alright It's time to hunt a rogue ninja down" I said. I followed the footsteps that were left on the dirt. They were faint but you could see them if you focused. I also had to be careful of a kunai coming at me. The footsteps stopped back but I kept walking, I knew she was on one of the Bushes. I was waiting for the Kunai to come flying at me. I ignored how bad a 7 year old is at throwing and focused on the fact that she was an Uchiha, the pinnacle of accuracy. I was not sure if she had her sharingan yet.
There was wire? I stepped on the wire and jumped back. A kunai came flying from the bushes behind me, it was a trap. Another kunai came from the front, and the last one came from my right. I dodged, I was impressed but then another kunai came at me.
A fourth?
Then I saw her in the open running to take cover. She had used the kunai from the first trap thinking I would be off guard after the 3 kunai. I almost did go off guard. It was the instincts that were honed by getting my ass kicked by 3 ninjas vastly superior to me that I had developed that saved kids were something else, this was low Chunin level planning and Low genin execution. Accuracy needed work. I threw a kunai at her and it hit her leg, she jumped into the bush and retreated. I waited and noticed the one Kunai that I threw was missing. She had caught it and now she had one more try. I picked up the three Kunai laying on the ground and when I picked the last one she launched her last Kunai, I couldn't dodge without a substitution or Shunshin. It hit me, the score was 1 to 1.
Now she had come out in the open but was still behind the tree, i picked up the last kunai, now i had 6 tries to get this right, I launched all 6 at the same time, she couldn't dodge all, she got hit by 1 when she tried ducking, it was a headshot.
"You win" She huffed but got cheerful again when she heard Itachi's voice
"Hello Sasaki Kun" Itachi greeted me in his usual monotone
"Hello, Itachi Sama," I said Winking as I bowed. He caught it, He just nodded.
"I see that you are enjoying your time with Sasaki Kun, I should not have interrupted you two," Itachi said with a raised eyebrow.
"No I wish to go with Shisui, He needs to drop me to my school" He had caught from the fact that his eyes narrowed slightly
"Very well, Know that you are welcome here by me, you will have to take father's permission to enter tho, I have some amount of sway in his decisions" Itachi replied
"Thank you and I believe it is time for me to leave." With that I went inside and stood next to Shisui and we went out after waiting for Itachi.
"Why did you lie about yourself" Itachi asked me
"I thought you figured it out already?" I asked confused
"I have Theories, the most prominent one that you wish to not cause more distrust in Uchiha by revealing that you are an ANBU" He said
"That is precisely why but it was Shisui's idea" I said
"Wait what? I just did it so Kiyomi wouldn't feel jealous" Itachi and I just facepalmed
"I feel like killing you right now" I said
"Aww, don't be like that, I love you too" Said Shisui returning into his goofy exterior. The rest of the walk was in silence.
…
1 year later…
It had been a year, Team RO had done a lot of missions. Shisui had recently retired. It had been a year and 6 months since he had officially joined team RO. He had turned 8 about 3 months ago. He was doing great In terms of growth, He was on par with Kakashi, We had another member, Tora, He had Wood release that had not been seen ever since The first hokage died. He was tied for the second strongest in the team. In raw power he was quite a bit stronger than Kakashi but in terms of experience, Kakashi Outclassed him, They were even Overall. Tora was the weakest. He was still getting used to the coordination of the team. Also Naruto's and Kiyomi's birthdays had also passed. He could not invite Naruto to Kiyomi's birthday and vice versa Due to him being hated by the village for probably His parents being traitors, Was orochimaru His dad? That would explain a lot.
"Naruto" Itachi said Standing outside the window
"This is the first time you are coming to my apartment. Did we get an emergency mission?"
"No, I have grave news, Uchiha Shisui is dead"