Day 10 Prompt: "Finding beauty in the ugly and broken"

There's nothing good about rain for Hinata anymore.

When she was a girl, the sight of rain brought her immense joy. Loved to run for her raincoat and boots and run around for hours in it, giving her caretakers a hell of a time wrangling her. By the age of 10, Hanabi was 5 and a big grump about rain. She always hated it, but Hinata didn't let that stop her from tearing through puddles and letting her fingers become raisins. At about 14 is when she was going through her sad girl phase, and enjoyed writing in her journal by the window while the rain poured, creating pretty pockets of water that reflected streetlamps, like little light pools.

Now, when she looks out at the rain, she just sees bright, shining lights. Hears yelling. Feels cool mist. Darkness.

It's cruel, the way the world is, she thinks.

Like always, as she's exiting the office building, she's pulling up the rideshare app to get herself a ride home. She checked the weather beforehand and got one here, knowing it would likely be pouring today. Just as she's about to hit the confirm button while pushing open the door with her back, the phone slips from her gloved hands and does not one, not two, but three bounces on the flooding ground before landing face down.

"Fuck!"

Normally, she'd scold herself for the strong language, all of it beaten out of her at a young age, but Ino tells her she's allowed to feel frustrated and cuss out loud if she needs to. Ino even encourages it. Before she can swoop down to grab the damaged phone, someone else beats her to it, and she's not even surprised to see that black pair of eyes looking back at her when she lifts her head. All she feels is incredibly embarrassed that she just uttered such a strong word in front of him.

"Well, fyuck."

Hinata blinks, mouth parting at the incredibly odd phrase. She doesn't dare repeat it back. "What did you say?"

"What did you say?"

"I…uhm…"

"Yeah, let's just forget it."

"Right…" She's so flustered, she can't even muster a smile or laugh for his awkward phrases that usually bring her joy. Sasuke passes Hinata her phone and she feels nothing except pure dread at the sight before her: the screen completely cracked. Her shoulders slump. "There goes my Uber…"

"Don't you have that fancy car?" he asks, ducking under her umbrella to stand next to her under it. She smiles a little at his closeness and shakes her head.

"I can't drive in the rain," she tells him, hoping and praying he won't pry further, so she tacks ton at the end for good measure, "and I'd really like to not talk about why."

"You can use my phone to call Neji, or Hanabi?" Now her smile grows for a moment because he remembered the names of the people she's been telling him about, but it quickly fades with the proposition.

"They're so busy, I don't want to burden them." She taps her lip before looking at his phone that he's pulled out. "I could pay for an Uber on your phone!"

"You know what," he says as he tucks it back into his pocket to her confusion, "how about you take the bus with me."

"Bus?" she asks, incredulously, not because the idea of taking the bus is insane, she just can't believe… "You take the bus?"

"Always have." He bobs his head, reaching out to take the handle of the umbrella to hold for her over the both of them like he's some kind of gentleman. He gestures with his other hand to signal for her to walk with him.

Hinata really doesn't like being considered prissy. It's something boys called her when she was little and went to the playground with her caretakers. Despite her misgivings about getting on the bus, the desire not to look like a princess in front of Sasuke is too strong. So she joins him in walking to the bus stop, practicing that deep breathing and focusing on the warmth of his arm next to hers.

Ino, combining her therapy wisdom and her romantic inclinations, had told her to focus on sensations. Specifically, if she's close to someone else, focus on how their clothes feel or how warm their body is. Sasuke is surprisingly warm, she thinks, despite the cold of the rain.

"Usually there are more people waiting here," he comments when they get to the bench of the bus stop that they stand next to. "Guess a lot of people who take the bus have a car stashed away for the rain."

"Why didn't you drive here?" she asks, tilting her head up to look at him.

He shrugs, his indifference rolling off him. "I don't have a car."

Hinata's brain is scrambled from living in a city of streets, where public transport and walking are just too much of a hassle. Growing up in a family that worked hard, but in doing so, indulged in luxuries like having a car to drive 2 minutes down the road to the convenience store. So she gapes up at him, catching the way he smirks, looking off in the distance.

"Yeah, that's how most people react." He darts his eyes over to hers and she wonders how he can look so effortlessly unbothered. "Like my dad says. Work hard, live modest."

"Do you believe that?"

She smiles when he puffs out a chuckle, shaking his head. "Hell no."

"Work hard, live well," she says, out of nowhere, looking up at him. His eyebrows are raised like he's questioning why she'd say that out loud, but they're interrupted by the bus arriving. Instead of responding, he just guides her onto the bus. She takes careful steps since it's wet, knowing the absolute last thing she wants right now is to slip on a stair and bust her face in front of Sasuke.

Sasuke pays for her ride with cash, then scans his card that she assumes allows him to ride whenever. He leads her with intention to a very specific seat on a fairly empty bus: towards the back, but not all the way, third to the last row. She doesn't question it, just takes his direction to sit first, boxing her in against the window. He tucks the umbrella underneath their feet, along with his backpack, and helps her get her bag underneath as well. She smiles and thanks him.

"I can pay you back."

"A couple of bucks?" he asks, flatly and she nods. He rolls his eyes at her, and she's come to know that doesn't mean he's actually irritated with her. It was something they had to establish early on when she apologized multiple times to him for annoying him. After so many times reassuring her he wasn't annoyed, it just sort of became…normal. Because his nice smile accompanies the eye roll, and she learns how to be teased by him.

"You remember where I live?"

"Of course I do."

Hinata likes that Sasuke's so good at absorbing these details. Her family members' names, where she lives, things about private school, and caretakers. She'd like to share more with him, but she's been stung before by revealing intimate details, so she's waiting it out.

She thinks that she might have a tiny, itty bitty crush on him.

It's a silly way to put it, she knows. But it's not like how she feels with Ino or Shino, who she feels comfortable with. People she likes to be around, but gets a little tired of after a bit. People she trusts, but don't feel like she connects in all the right places with. People she gladly let's spend the night in her space, but hasn't ever felt easy spending a night with in their place or otherwise.

Hinata's starting to think that she likes being around Sasuke, and doesn't get tired of him. That she trusts him and connects in those missing spots. That she'd gladly have him spend the night, and has spent the night in a strange place with. She also likes how fluffy his hair is and even kind of likes his scowl. It fits his defined jaw, sits just right, and makes his actual smile all the more…attractive.

Goodness.

Looking out the window at the dreary sky and tumbling water droplets on the windows, she feels his chest press against her shoulder and tries not to shiver. It was a little surprising to find how comfortable he became with physical touch, but she was also surprised at how little it bothered her. Another tick mark for the crush boxes.

"That," he says as he points at what seems to be an electrical box, covered in red graffiti, "every other day, it's clean. Then the next day, it's covered in graffiti. Like the person doing the graffiti is having some sort of battle with the poor shmo doing the government's bidding cleaning it up."

"Huh." She's not sure what to say about it as her eyes trail it, passing them by. But, for the first time in a while, she enjoys the way the glow of the streetlights reflects off the puddles. It's almost calming…until…

A loud honk and a – "WATCH IT!"

Hinata instantly wraps her arms around herself and buries her face into her arms and knees.

It's instinctive, she has no control over it.

She just feels panic. Heat on her skin, tightness in her sternum, the need to bunch into a tiny, tiny little ball. The sobs come quicker than she can even think, the need to inhale until her lungs feel overcome with air and then quickly evacuate. Nothing she can do. She can only be a ball of anxiety and stress.

"Hey."

It doesn't even register, it's just a soft noise in her ear.

"You okay?"

Not in the slightest.

It's a pain, a burden, the worst feeling in the world, she thinks. To tell someone how she feels is to dump never-ending sadness onto them, she thinks. Something so horrible, so awful, it's her burden to bear. Whether she likes it or not.

"Hinata."

Hinata. Hinata. Hi…na…ta…

"Hinata."

"I'm sorry!"

"N-no—!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry! Please, please—"

Her words are muffled in a cheap, cloth jacket, by his hand in her hair, pulling her face tightly into it the jacket, a hand that holds firm on her skull. His words that seek to comfort, words that she's filtering through her brain but recognize as perhaps nice, comforting.

Whatever it is, you're okay.

Please don't say sorry to me.

I'm okay. I'm okay. And you're okay.

Once Hinata's heart rate gets closer to something normal, she feels a mix of relief and shame.

Relief, because her vision clears up and the thrumming in her ears gets quieter, and for the fact there aren't too terribly many people on the bus to witness her meltdown. Shame, because Sasuke had to suffer through it. He must be so confused, she thinks, that he might just leave her there because she's not in the right state of mind to explain herself to him. She feels hopeless when the breakdowns happen, but at least they're usually in the comfort of her home or the passenger seat of Shino's car.

"Hey." She's surprised to hear him still speaking softly to her. "Feeling better?"

She stutters out her response, "uhm—yes, I'm s—"

"No apologizing." She still can't bear to look at him.

They sit in silence as her breathing becomes more even, and she appreciates that he's not asking her what's happening. It's only natural for people to want to know why another person's having a meltdown, so she's actually pretty impressed with his ability to keep his curiosity to himself. That, or he doesn't really care, but she can't help but feel like that's not the case.

She feels him shift next to her and she realizes one of his arms is still draped around her shoulders. Looks to her right to see his hand resting on his thigh, index finger tapping. Then he clears his throat.

"I already know you're going to want to apologize, so I'm gonna preface this by saying everything is fine, and you don't have to be sorry." Just those words make her want to blurt out an apology, but she holds back. "We kind of…missed your stop."

Hinata bites down on her own tongue to stop the instinctual regret. Tries to rest her beating heart as he explains getting off at the next stop and waiting just a few minutes for the bus that goes back the other way. Just nods, her mouth devoid of words because all she wants to do is apologize for being a bother.

Finally, she looks up at him through her bangs. He's looking off in the distance, looking unbothered as ever, though she notices how he sucks in his cheek like he's biting down on it. Wonders if it's a nervous habit; if she's making him nervous by being so nervous herself. Gently, she presses her shoulder into him just slightly to let him know she's feeling better and looks away just when he looks back down.

"Or…" he says it so close to her ear, she wonders if it's intentional. "We could ride it all the way to the station to give you more time to feel better."

"I don't—"

"It wouldn't be a burden," he interrupts her quickly, practically reading her mind. "I haven't done it in a while. Seeing the whole city is…kind of nice."

"Are you…sure?" She already knows his answer is yes, so she doesn't even question it when she just feels his head nod up and down.

Hinata's surprised at how quickly she feels herself calm. Something about physical touch and soothing words is like a warm blanket draped over her like she's safe. And that's when she realizes what she's feeling: she feels safe with Sasuke.

All because she had a public panic attack, and he knew exactly how to respond. With exactly zero pressure to feel better.

As the bus journeys through the city, he makes offhand comments about the old décor of the bus, uncomfortable seats, and annoying teenagers. Hinata thinks it's kind of funny that, despite having the money to afford his own car and literally working for a company that could probably insure it at a heavy discount, Sasuke still chooses to ride a bus he has so many complaints for. She giggles when he points at some older kids and says they're probably gonna go try to score some weed pens from a scraggly 19-year-old and then loiter outside of a pharmacy.

Hinata tells him it's better to not make such brash judgments about kids, and Sasuke just grumbles something incoherently under his breath about teenagers and their evil ways.

And by the time they get off at the station and re-board another bus to take them home for real this time, she feels her whole body feeling just – better. Her mood improves, the tightness in her chest is gone, and all the bad feelings melt away as the minutes pass. It's not unreasonable to assume it's because of Sasuke. His calming presence, his ability to redirect the conversation, the way he makes her laugh with cynical, but silly observations. All of it brings her comfort as she thought. Safe.

When they reach the bus stop closest to her apartment, he takes her hand with his. It's warm, like always, and he's being gentle, like always, but still so direct. She lets him guide it up to the cord to indicate stop.

"This used to make me nervous," he tells her in a quiet voice, really close now because he's leaning over her with his hand over hers. He reaches her hand up, his eyes focusing out the window, so he doesn't notice how completely cherry-red her cheeks are with the closeness of it all. "Trying to make sure I didn't pull it too early. Because you know, it'd be pretty embarrassing to make the bus stop before it needed to and no one gets off."

"Right," she says in a breathy way, watching the bus stop pass them, and he curls his fingers over hers so they grasp the cord. Then he pulls, and it makes a light dinging noise, indicating a request to stop. Then he lets her hand go and she almost wishes she could pull it back.

Safe.

"It's here?" she asks as the bus starts to slow down near the curb and she can faintly see what looks like a bench. He's already gathering all of their stuff for them, even her bag around his elbow and her umbrella in hand. "You didn't bring an umbrella?"

"I didn't think of it," he says without any shame, shrugging as he steps off the bus before her so he can shield her with the umbrella. She smiles, reaching for her bag, but he pulls the elbow away. "I got it."

"It's not necessary—"

"Of course it isn't."

Hinata's learned to take Sasuke at face value, so she just lets him take it and says a little thank you, tucking herself closer to him. She almost kind of, sort of, maybe wishes he'd put that arm around her shoulder again, fit their bodies together. Because she wonders if their bodies would fit together. Maybe they could. It's a silly little girl type of fantasy, she thinks, so she bats it away.

They walk in silence and now, she's not even surprised that it's comfortable. They don't need to exchange words. Just the pitter-patter of rain and their footsteps filling the air is good enough. It's peaceful, it's quiet, and it's just what she needs, she thinks. Honestly, she's almost sad when they get to the apartment complex. Once they get inside, he shuts the umbrella and shakes it off. There's no reason for her to be so close to him, now.

They take the elevator up. Sasuke says it's because he doesn't want to slip on the stairs, but Hinata can kind of tell he doesn't want to put any added pressure on her. Again, she's not surprised at how caring he can be. Despite how cold and put off he seemed when they were first getting to know each other, he's being pulled apart by her, and she can almost see that beating heart underneath.

When they get to her unit, which he knows to stop at without her guidance, he just waits patiently for her to unlock her door and step inside before offering her bag and umbrella. She tries not to let how giddy it makes her for someone to treat her so nicely after such a dramatic meltdown, but she thinks he deserves her biggest smile at least. He offers her a toothy grin back and it's really just…nice.

"Thank you, Sasuke," she says, quietly.

"Yeah, no problem. Now you know how to take the bus," he responds, shrugging with his hands in his pockets. Bounces on his feet. "You can hang out with peasants like me, now."

Hinata laughs too loudly, shaking her head. "Well that just isn't true."

"Yeah, you can't hang yet, you're right."

"Sasuke!"

"Hinata."

Safe. She feels safe. His words drape her in comfort, and she's not even sure when it started. So she reaches forward, hands on his shoulders, on the tips of her toes, and presses a kiss to his cheek. It's still wet from rain, his cheek, but it feels just right.

Hinata lands on the heels of her feet and takes her hands back, expecting to feel like she's in a full-blown panic, and yet…she's just curious. She looks at his face, and the pale skin turns a light pink as he stares at her with wide eyes.

"Uhm…be safe. I'd tell you to text me when you get home, but…"

"Y…Yeah."

He backs up and she sees one of his cheeks rise with his smirk. He turns on his heel without another word and leaves her to lock up her door.

She peels out of her clothes, showers, gets comfortable in her sleepwear, then sits in her bed with her phone in her hands, staring at it intently. It's all cracked up, but it still has power and if she's careful, she can swipe on it to get it open.

A buzz.

In case your phone does work...I'm home safe. See you tomorrow.

Hinata breathes a sigh and flops on the bed, on her back. Clutches the broken phone to her chest.

Safe.

A/N: "Well, fyuck" in honor of the one and only PianoCoat