Day 11 Prompt: "I love you" and "Nicknames"

Sasuke is in over his head, he thinks.

Hinata Hyūga kissed his cheek.

He's been told by other people that a kiss on the cheek is just normal, sometimes. But is this just one of those sometimes, normal times?

These past few weeks with Hinata have been…well, he'll admit it, they've been nice. But he can't really sort his feelings for her. He thinks she's a really nice person to be around. He doesn't feel as closed off with her, likes her demeanor and how thoughtful she is, feels comfortable saying stupid shit, like fyuck, which by the way, what the hell? He shudders to think of it. But in the end, he hasn't felt romantic attraction to someone in…well, ever, he thinks. All of his crushes have been fleeting, all of his romantic and sexual encounters devoid of the emotion he wants, burnt in the past by others.

Sasuke isn't comfortable thinking that he…likes someone. Not how he likes Naruto, or the lady at the sandwich shop that doesn't make small talk. That he likes them, how dumb kids in elementary school like someone.

So, yeah. Romantic inclinations. Sasuke doesn't think he's fit for it. Thinks he's a husk of emotion, can't feel anything outside of irritation and indifference. He's in no state to give or receive love. And love is a strong word.

But…when Hinata suddenly became a cocoon that couldn't be pried open on the bus, he felt panic. And he doesn't feel panic for just anyone. She closed in, shielded herself away, started crying. And he didn't want her to cry. Didn't want her to sob and her body to shake. Didn't want her to feel so, so bad, whatever it was. Felt the need to hold her close, but didn't, until she started crying out.

I'm sorry!

When it was clear she couldn't hear anything he said, he grabbed her up, just like his mom would. Pushed her face into his chest because he didn't know how else to relieve her of whatever pain she was feeling.

Sasuke speculated on what forced the reaction but never pushed for information.

No one having a panic attack likes to be questioned on why it happened.

All he knew was it made something inside of him ache to see her in pain. And all he wanted was for it to stop. To see her smile again.

Sasuke's not fit for it.

He sleeps in too late, doesn't have time for the usual granola or bowl of cereal that his brother swears makes him hungrier in the long run. Sees it's raining outside and wonders how Hinata got to work today. Goes the whole day without so much as a snack, despite the fact he skipped dinner last night. Too lost in his own head, he ended up going to bed without even a frozen burrito or cup of noodles. By the time lunch rolls around, he's desperate to get to the food court.

Usually, he likes going to the food court just to see Hinata. She's kind of become a bright spot in his day, as confusing as that is for him. Today, he's not so thrilled to see her, because he's not sure how to feel about things between them.

She left a scalding mark on his cheek.

Now, he steps into the food court and heads to the pizza place, essentially old reliable, and orders. He can't even wait for her, not just because he's nervous, but his stomach isn't just growling, it's howling. He pulls out his wallet to grab cash, because he doesn't like carrying around his credit cards, and is met with a sour sight.

IOU – Shisui

It's the last thing he needs today. "Asshole," he blurts it out unintentionally, causing a look from the cashier. He shakes his head while his stomach practically yells at him before a familiar presence bounces up behind him.

"I've got it!"

"Oh god, I love you."

A weird, squeaking sound escapes Hinata. Then, they both freeze.

This is the absolute last thing he needed right now.

"Uhm—and just a slice of cheese for me, thank you."

Sasuke feels planted on the ground, unable to budge until she places a gentle hand on his back to move him to the side of the counter so they can pick up their pizza. He's like a doll, lets her drag him, place the plate in his hand, guide him to a table.

She speaks up first because apparently, all vocal functions have left his body. "You love me, hmm?"

He looks up, shocked that she would actually address it here and now, but the way she looks down and her face is colored deep red tells him it took every ounce of courage to say it. So he replies, "it's just an expression."

"To say I love you?"

"To say it in gratitude," he snaps back, causing her to recoil. He grits his teeth, wishing he could just take all the words he's said in his entire life and swallow them back down. Start new. But he can't.

"Okay," she says, "that's okay with me. I'm glad I could do something nice."

"And what about you?" It's almost an instinctive defense. He hasn't even touched the pizza, despite his desperate hunger. She cocks her head in this cute way at him and he finally smiles, a little. "You squeaked."

"Squeaked? Er—no."

"You squeaked out loud," he says before she can keep going. The way she looks embarrassed now is endearing to him, enough to relax his tense muscles. He grabs his slice of pizza and chomps into it, swallows before continuing. "I should call you squeaks."

"S-Squeaks?"

It takes every part of Sasuke's willpower not to point out that she literally just squeaked out the words 'squeaks.'

"Yeah, squeaks," he repeats, feeling like he's won somehow. She puts her slice of pizza down and covers her mouth with a napkin, giggling into it.

"You're so good at that," she says without elaborating. It makes him lean back, almost offended that she'd be the one that's coy with him now. "Good at deflecting."

"You don't want to me call you squeaks?" he asks, deflecting again, and he knows it.

She just smiles at him with full cheeks, shaking her head. It almost makes him wheeze because he can't say out loud how cute he thinks it is. Her willingness to agree to ridiculous stuff like this; it makes him feel nice inside. "I think you can call me whatever you like, Sasuke."

"That right?" he asks, finally taking a few more bites of his pizza to quell his angry stomach. "Alright then, squeaks."

The giggle that leaves her is almost piggish, in that her mouth is full and she has to cover her mouth to make sure nothing is let out, and she's clearly embarrassed. But damn it if it isn't a fine sight. She shakes her head, covering her whole face now.

"Your phone still messed up?"

"Yes…I did get your text, though!" she says, quickly. "I appreciated it."

His stomach flips. "Good, good. I sent it just in case."

"I couldn't respond. I'm supposed to have a new one delivered today." He nods a little.

"Maybe we should have some other way to communicate," he ponders out loud, just then catching the way she bites her lower lip. He smiles at it. "Ever use Discord?"

"Discord?" she repeats back, blinking.

"Yeah, look." He leans towards her so their shoulders press. It's not something he does intentionally, he's not really sure when he became so comfortable having her body against his. He pulls his phone out to show her how to get to the app, and walks her through the process once she gets back onto her computer. When she asks if it will work on a Mac, he nearly has a heart attack but pushes that negativity down. Just nods and tells her it'll be basically the same. Pulls a scrap of paper from his pocket and scribbles down his username and explains how to add him.

"Just Sasuke? With some numbers?" She blinks down at the paper, which just says "Sasuke0129". He shrugs, getting up with their plates. "Alright, Sasuke zero one two nine."

He laughs a bit as she gets up with him, collects her bag, lets him lead them to the stairwell, where he stops her. She looks up at him with these big, questioning eyes, and he decides to go for it. "How'd you get here?"

"Hanabi drove me," she says it in this almost shameful voice he doesn't like hearing. "She came over in the morning to check on me anyway, so…she insisted it was no big deal."

"That's good." I guess. He leaves it off because he doesn't want to seem pouty. "She's going to pick you up…?"

"I…was thinking of taking the bus."

It's the silliest thing, he thinks, for his heart to beat a little faster at such a simple sentence. One that any one person could say and it's unremarkable at best. But for her to say it to him, it feels like something much deeper. "Yeah?"

"Yes."

"So…" For the first time in a while, Sasuke feels tongue-tied.

"So, I'll see you at the bus stop?" Her voice is so light and airy as she says it, he just automatically agrees.

And they part ways, as always, as natural. No questioning it, she just takes the door to her floor, and he continues to his.

"Alright there?" Jūgo asks in a similarly light voice, one that doesn't accuse just looks out for him.

"Yeah," Sasuke responds, waving a half-hearted hand, "yeah."

"SASUKE!"

Sasuke, who has never, ever been okay with someone coming up behind him and throwing their arms around his neck, no matter what—is completely disturbed to have Lee around him.

"You did 200 claims this month!" Lee declares, raising a fist. "This is a time to celebrate!"

"No – no!"

"Sasuke—"

"Fuck, Lee."

That's what gets him away, even just momentarily with a shocked face. Sasuke glares up at him, his coldest demeanor possible that makes even Lee's warm hands slide away.

"Leave the grumpy old man alone," Shikamaru comments from the side, tugging out a cigarette from his breast pocket.

"I thought you were quitting, Shikamaru?" Lee asks with this little plea in his voice, and Sasuke breathes a relieved sigh as he follows Shikamaru out to pester him instead.

Before he can get too comfortable, Jūgo is in front of him now, seating himself in one of his customer chairs. Sasuke shoots him that cold look even knowing that he is immune to it. Jūgo's always been immune to all of Sasuke's little cranky boy mannerisms, it's like nothing on the planet can bother the man.

"Do you need to talk?"

"Do I ever 'need to talk'?" Sasuke air quotes as he says it, frowning. Jūgo raises his eyebrows and just blinks at him. Sasuke sighs. "I'm fine, honestly. Don't worry about it."

"Says every person who's ever been fine," Jūgo says it like it's common knowledge.

Sasuke taps his finger on his desk, brings his other hand up to bite on his thumbnail. Avoids Jūgo's eyes the entire time until finally, he leans forward and, in a quiet voice, says, "I don't really understand how I'm…feeling."

"Okay." Jūgo nods like he understands immediately. "In relation to?"

Now Sasuke really feels immature. "A friend."

"Ah." Sasuke doesn't like how Jūgo just assumes to know things. "What are your thoughts on this friend?"

"I don't know." He's being honest, he's having a hard time picking out any specific thoughts.

"That you like being around them?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Does it feel easy to be around them?"

"Huh…" Sasuke leans back a little. Repeats, "yeah, I guess so."

"Feels like time flies?"

He doesn't even hesitate, "yeah."

"Miss them when they're gone?"

"Kind of."

"Think about them often?"

"Well, yes."

"Want to be physically close?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe want to kiss them?"

"Ye-uh—" Sasuke freezes.

"Yeuh?" Jūgo repeats it back to him without so much as a teasing look, just genuine curiosity.

"Thanks, Jūgo," Sasuke says while turning in his chair to look at his computer, trying to act busy. "This has been…enlightening."

"I hope so." Jūgo gets up and Sasuke forces his eyes to remain on the blank screen of his computer, contemplating all of this.

Sasuke's not fit for it.

Now he's agreed to meet her at the bus stop, and he's honestly a little scared about it. About what all this means, how he feels when he sees her. Wonders if he's just getting too in his head about it.

He spends the day convincing himself that it's something like what he has with Naruto. It's easy to be around Naruto because he does all the talking and actually cares about Sasuke's well-being. He likes being around Naruto because he does stupid shit that entertains him at no cost to himself. Unfortunately, he does think about Naruto often, hoping he hasn't killed himself under a pile of wood or cement truck yet. These are all things he feels with Hinata.

It's easy to be around Hinata because she's quiet and doesn't make a fuss. He likes being around her because she has interesting things to say and is genuinely interested in him, back. He thinks about her often because, well, he just does. Thinks about the things she said about kids being easier to be around than adults, thinks about how she wears her hair a little differently every day, thinks about her when he sees flowers growing out of concrete. She's on his mind a lot, too.

But does he want to kiss Naruto? No.

Does he want to kiss Hinata?

His cheek burns as he packs up his stuff to leave.

He's unsure of whether to feel slighted or relieved when she's not at the entrance of the building. He briefly considers just taking off to the bus stop without waiting for her to avoid confronting whatever it is he's feeling.

No, even Sasuke isn't cold enough to do that. After seeing the way she can melt into a puddle of anxiety when things go wrong, he couldn't bear to be the cause of that. If it were Naruto, he could just take off and deal with a little angry berating via text. Not so much with Hinata. So he waits.

When it gets close to the time for the bus to pick him up at the stop, he lets out a frustrated sigh. He doesn't want to leave her hanging, but missing the bus means being in the rain for another hour. Halfway to the stop, he feels guilt pool in his gut. What if she's come out and she's waiting for him? In the rain? Without a phone? Sasuke knows he's a jerk, but he's not that big of a jerk. He stops, looks back and forth. Decides to jog to the bus stop just in case…

And lo and behold, he sees her purple umbrella and that familiar sweater standing at the bus stop.

Sasuke jogs to her side and ducks under the umbrella, shaking his wet head underneath to her surprise. She giggles quietly, and it's enough to make his fuming attitude sizzle, just a little.

"I was waiting—" He stops himself at her surprised expression, all doe-eyed and worried. He clears his throat, shakes his head.

"I…I decided to try to get here by myself," she explains in a quiet voice that makes him feel bad. "I thought it would be good for me to try to do it myself, not depend on you so much…"

Sasuke stops to take in those words. Takes a few seconds to collect his thoughts and muster out something acceptable. "You did good."

"H-how long were you waiting? I didn't mean to—"

"Look." Just in time, the bus approaches, and he takes the umbrella from her hand, holding it over them both. Her smile is small right now, probably because she's nervous, but he doesn't really mind. He lets her step onto the bus, and smirks to himself when she's got the exact change out to deposit. He swipes his card and closes her umbrella, shaking it out just like he did yesterday, then follows her to the same seat he took yesterday.

She slots herself into the seat nearest the window, and he sits next to her, packing away their things. Kind of thinks this is a comfortable way to be, together.

"Oh, look, the electrical box." There's something like childlike wonder in her voice as she says it, and he's compelled to her. He looks out at the same box he pointed out to her yesterday, all graffitied up like he said, and he smiles, pressing his chest against the back of her shoulder like he did yesterday. Not too much, just enough so his chin is over her neckline.

She doesn't object, and Sasuke's not even thinking right now. Just wants to be closer to Hinata, and he rests his chin on her shoulder, right about where it meets her collarbone. He feels her shiver, then giggles, and –

Goddamnit.

It is so much nicer than he could have imagined. She relaxes under him and he feels okay being there. Nothing really weird about it, it's just him and her, looking out the window together. Taking in the sounds of the rain, the glow of the streetlights, the clouds, and the too-early moon in the sky. And this time, when they get to her stop, he tells her quietly, right in her ear.

"Grab the cord."

Without hesitation, she reaches up, but he's already trying to grab her hand first to help her. When he realizes she needs no help, he just simply pulls away, back into his seat. She pulls the cord, then looks at him with this bashful look that he really enjoys.

"You…don't have to walk with me." The offer makes him wheeze, slightly, because he wants to walk with her.

He wants to be around her.

Sasuke's not fit for it.

"I don't mind," he tells her without looking at her. Tries to keep it cool, for as uncool as he is. Despite it all.

The way she doesn't even argue, it makes him feel something. Like something getting softer inside of him. She wants him to walk her, and he's pretty sure of that, based on the way she doesn't insist.

The bus comes to a stop and he grabs their things for them. She takes her bag but he holds her umbrella. Holds it over her as she carefully, very carefully, makes her way down the steps. He follows until they're on flat ground, and in a more gentlemanly move than he normally executes, puts out his arm for her. She looks at it curiously and he wishes she'd just take it—and she does.

Sasuke feels like the biggest cheeseball that ever walked this earth, but almost feels happy about it. Her elbow loops around his and now he's walking her to her apartment properly.

"That was big," he reiterates as they get to the elevator. She looks up at him just as he looks down, with this nice, big smile that he thinks he's dreamt about.

And Sasuke realizes he's gone.

Gone for Hinata Hyūga and her sweet smile and soft voice. For her pretty eyes and her crinkled nose. For her hyper-awareness and her panic.

Sasuke is gone for Hinata and he knows he's not fit for it.

But it doesn't stop him when they reach the front of her apartment when she slots her key in and steps inside. Tries to tell him to take her umbrella but he always refuses. Says an awkward goodbye, looking like she's searching his eyes for some direction.

He's not fit for it, but it doesn't stop him from leaning down and pressing his lips to her cold cheek.

He's not fit for it, but it doesn't stop him from leaving that burning imprint on her cheek, just like she did.

He's not fit for it, but it doesn't stop the burn on his own cheek.

Right now, he doesn't care.

Sasuke turns and leaves Hinata a big, red mess. And he wonders if he could be fit for it.