Day 19 Prompt: "Even shame can turn into love"

The glare he received from Neji, he thinks, was supposed to be intimidating. From the little he got to see of the man in the car, he looked like a male version of Hinata's sister. Sasuke did his best to lean down and wave at him, but Neji simply looked away. Hinata gave him a sympathetic smile.

Right before her exam, she responded to his message asking what Neji thought of him.

He…thought you looked homeless.

Sasuke actually laughed at that.

Their routine of joining each other for lunch returns the following Monday. Sasuke's nervous when he sees Hinata because he's expecting her to tell him Karin keyed her car or something. But she just tells him she called out, and every day, she tells him that she's called out. He's relieved, but anxiety still plagues his gut every day. He wonders if he should do something about it. Considers going to Naruto, but honestly, Sasuke can step back and recognize that this is his problem to deal with.

When Friday hits and Hinata tells Sasuke that Tsunade is strongly considering firing Karin is when he actually starts to feel a little bad.

He knows he shouldn't feel bad. Karin never treated him very well in the past and when she smashed his bike, Rin told him very seriously that it was abuse and he should consider moving countries and changing his name because she was certifiably crazy. But it was over 10 years ago, and she is Naruto's cousin, and as far as he could tell, Hinata was friends with Karin before this.

"But then again…" Sasuke sighs to himself, staring at a paper form. He's got his head in his hand, the other clicking a pen.

She almost ruined everything. Again.

Hinata's been sensitive to the whole situation, even though he can tell it all makes her a little uneasy. Well, maybe not a little, probably a lot. As long as he's known her (and he admits that isn't exactly the longest amount of time), little things made her a little uneasy, and this isn't really a little thing.

He's thinking about asking her to come over on Saturday but she asks if she can come over first. He's surprised she wants to come to his place. He's laying on the floor of his living room, staring at the ceiling, while he waits for her. He messaged her that his door would be unlocked so she can just come right in, and she did her own version of light berating for being careless.

When he hears a light knock on the door, he calls for her, chuckling to himself because he's not surprised she wouldn't just bust in like Naruto might. He drums his fingers on his stomach as he listens to her take off her sandals, then soft footsteps just like he'd expect from her approach. Feels her crouch down and settle on her knees next to him.

"Contemplating life?" she asks, lightly, because he still hasn't looked at her. He's finding it hard to with all these thoughts of Karin jostling around his brain.

"I thought we should talk," he says, swallowing thickly.

"We are talking?" She shifts on her knees.

"About Karin."

The silence that falls is more deafening than he had hoped. Of course, he hadn't planned out what he was going to say in the slightest.

"I'm not really proud of my time with her." It's true. Their time together was miserable for him and a façade for her. Any happiness she exuded was fake as all. He never tried to act happy because he's never been the type to put on a happy face. If he's happy, you'll know it. If he's irritated, you'll know it. But even he has to admit he didn't put any effort into at least trying to be happy with her.

He hears her shift again and finally looks up to see her sprawling out on her stomach next to him so their faces are lined up but their bodies lie opposite. She rests her cheek on her forearms and just looks at him, patient and waiting.

"What I mean is, it wasn't really a healthy relationship." Sasuke looks back at the ceiling and threads his fingers into his hair, feeling like the word vomit is about to come up. "And we were 14, right? How many high school relationships are actually healthy?" He blinks, inhales deeply. "I'm not proud of it, but I just thought I should have a girlfriend. People said she was in love with me, so my stupid teenage brain just figured 'why not'? Right?"

She's quiet, and it doesn't help keep his thoughts back.

"She's Naruto's cousin, so I'd known her by proxy for years. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm not really the greatest at reading other people, so the whole 'being in love with me' kind of went over my head." He sighs and rubs at his forehead. "Girls in high school kind of flirted with me a lot. God, I must sound so conceited."

"It's okay." Hinata reaches above her head to pat at his hand that lays on the floor, and he simmers, slightly.

"She would get really – uhm, crazy? Is that offensive to say?"

"I really don't think so at this point."

"She would get really upset," he mumbles, shutting his eyes, "whenever girls would so much as look at me. It was impossible to have girls on team projects. She told me I was cheating because I wouldn't let her see my phone or have my passwords."

"That's a reasonable boundary."

"Yes, thank you." He looks at her, looking like she's trying really hard not to make a face that shows how unpleasant she's finding this. "Sorry, I shouldn't…unload all this on you."

"I'm not bothered," she says, a forced smile on her lips. What kind of woman wants to hear about her boyfriend's ex? Especially a new boyfriend? Who's ex she has to work with? What is he even thinking? "Keep going."

"I'm not trying to make this a Karin hate fest," he sighs, looking back at the ceiling. "I wasn't a good boyfriend. We were 14 and stupid. I was stupid. I've never known if I'm really good enough for a relationship."

She's silent at that and it kind of hurts.

"So, I'm sorry."

Her hand, which had been laying next to his, finally inches over to his to hold it and he willingly folds his fingers over hers. "You don't have to be sorry, Sasuke."

"Yeah, I do." It's his instinct to argue, for whatever reason. "She made you sad because of me."

"How can that be your fault?" Before he can interrupt again, she keeps going. "It's an unlikely coincidence, and you didn't know she worked with me."

"Yeah, but –"

"And you've been nothing but honest." She squeezes his hand which prompts him to look at her. Now she's got her nice smile on. "You sound like you're honest with yourself, too. That maybe you both share blame."

"Yeah…" he breathes out, squeezing her hand back.

"I will be honest with you, too."

He swallows, waiting in anticipation for what she might be honest with him about.

"I've always thought she was a little crazy."

Sasuke wheezes, rolls on his side, and gives Hinata an upside-down kiss.