Chapter XI. Woes Which Hope Thinks Infinite & Wrongs Darker Than Death Or Night
"Welcome to my channel, Jafar speaking. Today I present to you 'Replica But Disastrous', where my homie Hades and I are going to replicate foods from famous TV shows, but we are all noobs. Yes, I invited 'That Hades from Underworld SMP', just to make some fried chicken together, I believe it would be the best co-op in YouTube history..."
-These were the opening lines of Jafar's very first video on his channel, dating back eight years ago when he had zero subscribers. Fast forward to the present, that video had yielded 4 million views, purely for the catastrophic cooking process. Apparently, people enjoyed watching two idiots navigate how to coat chicken without turning the kitchen into a battleground.
Over those eight years, Hades had significantly improved his culinary skills, while Jafar...well, he heavily relied on takeout and instant noodles unless he had a roommate to cook for him. Nonetheless, Jafar's subscriber count had soared from zero to 1.7 M. But the duo was no more—a pair of golden casings on the wall served as the only remnants of their history.
What would Jafar build from the remnants of his past without Hades?
He had Frollo drive him to the supermarket beforehand for all ingredients. Why not make a new episode of "Replica But Disastrous"? It would be cool to make some fried chicken again after eight years.
He had it all planned out. It would be a live stream since making fried chicken wasn't too time-consuming. Frollo could be outside of the camera to ensure the stream was working-he could teach Frollo how to watch a live stream on YouTube.
And if he was lucky, Frollo might be willing to be a chat mod FOR FREE. Fans LOVED how blunt that man was and it would be a plus for the stream! After the stream, he just needed to edit the best bit of the stream and upload it to his channel, so he could get two shares of income from the same content.
Frollo seemed to be indifferent to the idea just like he was for most things on the Earth. He also had no problem finding the page for watching live streams on YouTube, to Jafar's surprise.
"Yes, I know how to watch live streams on YouTube. During the missions, we still got to wait for our next commander-in-chief to be elected," Frollo explained like he was teaching Jafar why "two plus two is four".
After all preparation, it was the day for streaming "Replica But Disastrous". Jafar set up his studio, so the audience could see the front of the desk and the close-up of the bowl at the same time.
"Starting the stream~" Jafar uttered his iconic line with a cheerful smile. Outside the camera, a Frollo with his reading glasses and earphones raised his hand with an "ok" gesture, indicating to Jafar that the stream was good to go.
"Welcome to my stream, everyone." Jafar spoke and looked into the camera, "Anyone remember a series on my channel called 'Replica But Disastrous'? It was an early series on my channel, and the first episode was even the very first video I uploaded! It was a blast, but I hadn't uploaded any video to the series because...my cooking skills are still disastrous, oh well."
"Anyway, today I am going to cook fried chicken again like my first video eight years ago. So buckle up, it would be a bumpy ride!"
Jafar started to pour ingredients into his bowl-cayenne pepper, Aleppo pepper, kosher salt...and he whisked the mixture. And then he realized doing this in a stream form probably was a bad idea, as there was no one making banter to spice the stream up. There was only his voice repeating the lines on the recipe and the clashes between the bowl and the whisk. Frollo probably thought "moderating the stream" meant that he had to close his mouth and stare at the screen for several hours since he didn't make any sound from the start of the stream.
"...Frollo, say something funny, please?" Jafar raised his head from the bowl and looked at the corner of the studio, "I believe this stream is slowing becoming an ASMR of me stirring indigents."
"One of your super chats said 'Oh, yes, my confront YouTuber Jafar. My favourite video of his was Fall Asleep to Cooking with Jafar'." Frollo said with a monotone voice, reminding Jafar that some streamers would use AI voice to help them read the chat when gaming and streaming.
"Shut up, nerds. It's called 'refined ART' in the kitchen," Jafar sneered and replied to this comment.
"...You told me to say something funny," Frollo frowned.
"NO, I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU! Keep saying something funny, I beg you," Jafar clarified-his voice sound like a desperate alibi, didn't it?
"Ok, but the other super chats are just some greetings. Some shared their daily lives. They wanted you to know 'Keep up great work and have a nice day'."
"Then what about you? What do you want to say to my impressive cooking skills?" Jafar raised one of his eyebrows and put the chicken into the bowl of brown mixture.
"...Do you know in one of Percy Shelley's poems, he described two trunkless legs of stone standing in the desert..." Frollo took a look at the screen, "Your close-up shot of the chicken in the powder reminds me of that..."
"Oh, you didn't just roast me with Percy Shelly, did you?" Jafar rolled his eyes and coated the chicken with coffee-colour powder, "And what on Earth is a Percy Shelly, anyway?"
"...It's a poem titled 'Ozymandias' from a poet called Percy Shelly...Oh," an unimpressed Frollo still fixate his sight on the screen, "a super chat said...'I met a traveller from an antique land'...ok this is just the whole poem. Jafar, your audiences are more educated than you."
"It isn't my fault that being a YouTuber does not require a Master degree in literature, ok?" Jafar tried to "sell the act" like he was really debating with Frollo-in fact, he LOVED the comeback from Frollo, at least he felt his stream was ALIVE again.
"...Your chat is repeating 'Mr Frollo please read the full poem, you have a sexy voice'...HUH?" Frollo seemed terrified after reading the chat, Jafar even saw him widen his eyes for the first time, which caught Jafar off-guard and he burst into hysterical laughter.
"Frollo, read the poem then, don't let my audience down," Jafar laughed so hard that he had tears in his eyes.
"I am a bit uncomfortable with the chat now..."
"Read it," Jafar stopped his coating and put aside his bowl. He smiled at Frollo as he wanted to look more polite, but his asserting voice had revealed his true intention, "My audience said so."
Frollo just nodded back. There were still confusion and a slight disgust within Frollo's eyes. Then he glanced at the screen and read, as Jafar continued coating chicken:
"I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—'Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand..."
After the stream, Jafar moved the whole tray of fried chicken onto his desk. He was glad that the end product was much better than what he had eight years ago. They tasted it together near the end of the stream, it would be an ok dinner after a day of hard work. The golden crisp of the fried chicken with the scarlet spicy sauce tasted good enough for Jafar.
"So you plan to just eat...these for dinner?" Frollo asked with a carton of milk in his hand, "Just fired chicken? No drink, no salad?"
"Yeah, and it would be your dinner as well," Jafar answered with his mouth full of chicken, "Do you want more? You still have the mood to cook?"
"...No, not really," Frollo muttered. He looked at Jafar enjoying the chicken and scrolling the Internet news. Jafar's cursor stopped at the news titled: "Archaeologists' Rare Discovery in Mesopotamia Turned Out to Be A Mix-up".
"Huh, what a bunch of well-educated bozos, ain't I right?" Jafar mocked and turned his back to Frollo, "See? Having mountains of knowledge doesn't mean one is bright."
But Frollo remained silent. Not waiting for Frollo's response, Jafar just returned his sight to the screen and clicked the news:
"Archaeologists conducting excavations in the historical region of Mesopotamia stumbled upon what they believed to be a groundbreaking discovery, only to realize it was a mix-up. The initial excitement quickly transformed into shock when the skeletal remains found in the Syrian Desert area of Iraq were determined to be a recently deceased French male rather than an ancient Mesopotamian individual.
The team of archaeologists initially believed they had come across a significant find that could shed new light on the rich history of the Mesopotamian civilization. However, upon closer examination and subsequent forensic analysis, it became evident that the skeleton belonged to a French national who had passed away a mere two years ago, whose cause of death was a fatal gunshot wound to the head.
Astonishingly, the murderer had gone to great lengths to conceal the evidence, removing the bullet and deliberately damaging the skull. These unsettling details have now attracted the attention of local law enforcement agencies, prompting an ongoing investigation into the mysterious murder case.
The authorities urge anyone with information related to this puzzling case to come forward and assist in their pursuit of justice, as the truth behind this mix-up in Mesopotamia slowly but surely begins to unravel."
"Bahahaha...what a clown..." Jafar found the news hilarious, as if those brutal details of the murder were merely embellishments to the mix-up, "not every skeleton 6 feet under the ground has something to do with the old civilization! I don't have any good education, but I still know it was a waste of time for everyone involved...Frollo, are you listening?"
Jafar realized Frollo was gazing at the news, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Not after Jafar called his name did he be snapped back to reality.
"...It did sound like the scene in 'Ozymandias', didn't it?" Frollo whispered, his glance still on the screen.
"Oh, come on Frollo, it's not that deep," Jafar shrugged.
"...All right," Frollo blinked-blinked much more frequently than ever, Jafar had noticed. Probably the whole day of monitoring the stream made his eyes dry.
-Jafar could've praised Frollo for that the man seemed to bring more help in his stream. But he couldn't-he didn't praise Hades either after the streams these eight years, so why should he do so now to Frollo?
Thus, he just glanced at a musing Frollo and went on enjoying his dinner.