Chapter 61: Despair, The Door To Insanity

'How long has it been? Days? Weeks?' Blade could feel the thoughts rush by, brought to his attention and forgotten just as quickly. Ever since Ashachu saved him from Cleave the deterioration of his mind seemed to slow drastically. The memory was still fresh in the sneasels mind. And yet even with the hope that someone may care about him, he was still lost in despair.

Hope, it seemed to Blade, had abandoned him. Everything he loved, everything he cared for seemed to have slipped through his claws. It left him feeling hollow inside. Blade couldn't muster the strength to move from his position. Seated beside an artificial pond, surrounded by artificial flora, surrounded by real Pokemon. He was seated with his foot paws dipped into the water, his arms resting over his legs and his body slumped down, his eyes as empty as they'd been when Cleave tried to kill him.

That blank stare, his pitiful appearance, were the least of his problems. In his state he could neither muster the desire to eat or drink anything. His body was thin, malnourished, he looked sickly. All of the pokemon there seemed to ignore him almost entirely aside from the occasional pity filled glance. He was well and truly alone.

'You know nobody is going to save you right?' Blade heard the familiar taunting voice of his father in his head. 'You can't ignore me Blade.'

Even in his mind, the Sneasel had no peace. And yet, he didn't care. The voice in his mind went ignored, Blade was too wracked with grief to even care. Blade was at least aware of his thoughts again. Though that only served to pull him deeper into the cold grasp of despair.

'Don't ignore me you little bastard' Cleave's voice came. 'What did you expect, you were too weak, you got that fucking Darkrai killed. And it's what he deserved, it's what you deserve!'

Still no response. The mental image of Cleave shaking him around did nothing to aid the cruel voices' attempts to bother the sneasel.

Blade was brought away from his mind for a moment when he felt a pokemon tap him on the nose. It was a ralts, an innocent looking Pokemon with a green head with a small red horn poking out, along with a robe-like body smiling at him. "Hey, you don't look so good buddy, I know we just met, but you look like you need someone to be there for you." There were two Kirlia on either side of him as well, each looked concerned.

Blade felt himself look up at the ralts. He hadn't been trying to move, his body had begun acting on its own. But that wasn't quite right, he knew he looked up, but he couldn't feel anything. Not the ralts gently shaking him to see if he was conscious, not the water flowing over his paws, he couldn't feel anything. Within his own mind, he was in the same position, as though he weren't even present in his own body. He knew what was happening yet, but he was no longer an active participant in what his body did.

His blank, dead, eyes stared straight ahead at the ralts. The ralts frowned. "Hey, come on, you're not alone anymore, we're here for you, we wanna be your frie…."

Ralts was cut off by a tight piercing pressure in his throat. Blade had lunged forth, jamming his fangs into the poor boy's neck. Or, Blade's body did, Blade was barely still hanging on inside his own head. But that was not all, the Sneasel had stabbed both claws into his torso, one punting his lungs, the other piercing through the poor ralts' heart.

There was a shrill shriek as Blade pulled away, tearing flesh from his victims neck and letting it hit the ground. He stood there a moment feeling the poor ralts spraying blood over his face. The two Kirlia sat there, frozen with shock and terror.

Blade on the other hand. He was feeling again. With every drop of blood dripping off his claws he felt a sense of euphoria fill his brain. His mind was so far gone he'd finally snapped. The blood dripped from his claws as he slowly turned to his right, finding one of the Kirlia staring in horror at him. His eyes were still devoid of all emotion, but his mouth was twisted into a grin so wide one would think it would split his face open if it grew any wider.

With a lung he jabbed Kirlia in the throat with his claw. That euphoric feeling returned immediately as the blood flowed from his claw and across his arm. With a twist of his claw and a pull he tore out their throat feeling their blood splatter his side. He quickly turned to the other Kirlia, his body shaking with need. A need for the euphoria he felt when he killed another Pokemon. It was overwhelming just how good it made him feel.

The second Kirlia attempted to flee, but Blade tackled her to the ground. Stabbing her thin legs with each claw, and slowly dragging her back with each stab. Finally he turned her to face him. To see the emptiness in his eyes. And the pleasure on his face. One stab to the gut. Then another, and another, and another. More and more and more, he was relentless, and for the first dozen stabs the poor Kirlia was alive, but Blade couldn't help himself.

The poor boy had been driven mad by his grief, he simply finally fell over the edge. In truth, he didn't even know he'd killed anyone, all he knew was that what he was doing was flooding his brain with joy and pleasure. And he was craving more. Still without proper control of his body, the Sneasel started walking away.

With no proper thought running through his head the concept of time was meaningless. Hunger, thirst, irrelevant. He craved something that he had been robbed of, and killing those three pokemon had only granted him a temporary relief from despair. The blood on his claws had dried up, and he longed to feel the sensation of the warm liquid dripping from the tips of his claws. Just a short distance away was a pokemon called Dottler. A ladybug like pokemon, who tended to stay tucked away in it's dot covered shell. It stared in unease at the approaching Sneasel. He slowly turned away to flee. But the sneasels body burst forth sliding to a halt hanging over the Dottler's shell. The bug type was forced to see the twisted and sadistic smile on the crazed sneasels face, accompanied only by the empty, lifeless eyes and blood splattered face. Blade slid himself down in front of the bug type and without hesitation gripped the inside of the top of its shell. He followed that quickly by pressing his foot into the poor bugs face and pulling up. The screams, they had a similar effect to the blood, Blade could hear it, and I brought him joy. With a sucking rip, he tore the shell from Dottler's back and began stabbing into the bug type.

There was no feeling, it wasn't something that could be explained easily. His body enjoyed the slaughter, his mind made it so, but Blade barely hanging on in his own mind, was none too pleased.

*Within Blade's Mind*

"No, don't hurt them, they're innocent, why does it feel so good, why do I want it…I don't…its wrong they don't deserve this!"

"And you do?" the voice of his nightmare made counterpart called out.

When Blade's barely functioning self managed to turn around he saw his nightmarish reflection. Or what was left of him. His entire left side was gone, faded away with Blade's ever deteriorating mind.

"They don't deserve to suffer." He asked. "But you do? We've been suffering since birth Blade!" The nightmare shouted. "Our innocence was robbed from us when Cleave told us we shouldn't have been born! We didn't deserve any of this, and the one thing that made this fragile little deathtrap of a mind semi stable has been taken away forever!"

"I…I know" Blade was barely speaking above a whisper.

"At least with me at the controls you can feel again, can't you?"

"Stop it, they're innocent. They don't need to die. So you need to stop killing them!"

"Oh Blade, you poor shattered boy. I'm not killing them. You are. It is your body after all, I'm just doing what I need to keep the both of us alive. All this joy you're feeling from killing them, look, it's halted everything. I didn't have much choice in taking over. After all, once I fade away, you're next, and then the body either dies, or slaughters them anyway."

"I…." Blade was speechless.

"Don't get all depressed over them, that'll just destroy this place faster." The nightmare looked around. "Look, we both know I'm just your mind trying to break you, but right now breaking you means death, so think about it like this. As long as you're here, as long as you are alive there's a chance you can be saved. Besides, it's almost obvious you've gone insane, with a little help, I think everything will end well."

"Disappear." Blade spoke plainly and the nightmare did so, vanishing before his eyes.

*In The Real World*

A machine stood over the Sneasel beating him into the dirt, throwing so many punches it was a wonder the Sneasel was still alive. When he finally let up, he regretted it.

"Ahahahhahahahahahahahaahahahaaa" Blade let out a blood chilling laugh as he leapt up driving his claws into machoke's eyes. With a rough tug the two orbs came out on the ends of his claws. As the Machoke flailed around blinded by the Sneasel, Blade took to slashing his legs, the euphoria he felt inflicting the pain, the suffering, it served it's purpose, the pleasure in his body was off the charts, it was like inflicting suffering had so quickly become a drug for him. And as he knocked Machoke to the ground he let that drug control him. Using the pained wails to his advantage, Blade took hold of Machoke's tongue and pulled it out a bit before quickly slicing it off. Just as suddenly Blade forced his mouth shut and covered his nose. Just as Shadow had done to that Charizard, Blade was drowning this Machoke in his own blood.

Machoke struggled, slamming his fists into the Sneasel, but it was suddenly as though the Sneasel couldn't feel pain, or anything at all. The euphoria was fading, and yet he didn't stop, even as his skull was cracked by the massive fists he held Machoke's mouth and nose shut as he began to suffocate.

It wasn't about the euphoria anymore, Blade, after his talk with his nightmarish reflection, had fallen even deeper into despair, now the pain and suffering was aimless, it served no purpose. He couldn't even feel that he was doing it anymore, was he doing it? Was I that nightmare version of him? Was anything even real anymore? It was like watching his own life as a tv show. He had no control, he simply watched, and felt the depression grip him once again.

Once the Machoke had finally stopped moving Blade walked back to the little artificial pond.

'I…I just want the pain to end' he thought as he stepped into the water 'I want to feel again…' he stepped further in until the water was up to his chest. 'All I wanted…was..to be…happy.'

Humans stormed into the area ready to take the Sneasel down with their Pokemon. They surrounded the pond ready to attack.

And Blade fell forward, dunking his head under the water. And he stayed there. He still couldn't feel. Even as the water rushed into his lungs. Even as he began to asphyxiate and choke. He couldn't feel any of it. But that didn't matter, he just wanted it all to stop. So he wouldn't feel empty anymore, so he wouldn't feel anything. Ever again. He felt his consciousness begin to fade. Or at least he thought he did, with the dreadful emptiness, there was little else to feel.

*Later*

When Blade awoke, he was still empty inside. His body had been nourished some way or another, he no longer looked sickly, but two things were noticeable even to the barely alive Sneasel. For one, there was a new scar across his waist. When had he gotten that, was it an enemy, was it self inflicted, some bid to see if he could feel. The second thing he noticed, his claws had been filed down and blunted; they were no longer dangerous. He was no longer dangerous. To himself or others.

How long would it be until someone helped him. How long until he lost control again. How long until his insanity took hold again. The poor sneasels curled into a ball. And as much as he wanted to cry, his body found itself unable to shed a tear. The regret that filled his mind only served to make him feel more worthless, more empty inside. Blade, despite just waking up, simply closed his eyes once again.

'There is still hope for me to feel something…' his mind wandered. 'I felt…when he saved me…' he thought. 'There is still hope.'

Author's Note: So I honestly just wanted to make the little guy go insane and have a bit of an easy out since, he isn't exactly all there. Hope everyone enjoyed!