Chapter 71: Suffering In Silence

It had all happened so quickly, the night with Hunter faded into Blade's memory. All he knew of the most recent development was that Cameron had apparently joined some sort of tournament in the Alola region. The pokemon league, he'd heard it called before. It made little difference to the Sneasel though. He'd finally found some time to himself while Cameron's other Pokemon roamed more freely. He set himself in a tree a short distance away from them. Legs crossed and arms folded in a relaxed posture that betrayed his hidden emptiness.

'You aren't happy are you?' that familiar antagonizing voice came to him. He tried to ignore it, but it came back. 'Not that I blame you, hard to be happy when you feel this alone. Even among your so-called "friends" hehe.' The voice seemed to fill with venom when speaking the word friends.

Blade considered responding but tried to ignore the voice.

'You don't feel safe with them, nor do you feel they're safe with you. Hard to believe it was only a few days ago you nearly killed your newest lover in his sleep.'

Blade shuddered at the thought.

*A Few Nights Prior*

Blade felt himself awaken, his body exhausted and held close to Hunter. The riolu managed to really wear him out. It had granted a slight reprieve from his suffering, and yet he felt empty still. He reached out to the sleeping riolu, his claws extending on reflex as his eyes lost all emotion. He readied himself to strike, to free himself from his trainer, and from this new found attachment. He tested the jagged tip of one claw against Hunter's sleeping throat while he held the other above it, ready to hammer one claw in with the other. And yet, when his claws were primed to strike, Blade pulled himself away.

The Sneasel felt shame and self loathing for but a moment before the numbness returned. He laid himself back down beside the riolu. A new plan in his head. To remain silent on his pain. To let his will to live drain away over time, rather than hurt another person he cared for.

*Present*

The thoughts hurt Blade momentarily.

'if you could you'd kill quite a few of them wouldn't you?'

"No…not even a handful of them." Blade spoke softly to himself.

'Oh, of course, those three…you do particularly hate them don't you?'

"They're bastards…they hurt him without reason." His mind flashed to Ashachu. Then to Geyser, then Axew, then Ash. His mind lingered on the human as his heart filled with hatred. "His own father…" Blade gritted his teeth and squeezed with his claws, cutting his own flesh out of anger. Noticing the wounds he released his grip on his arms. "Parents should care for their children. Give them love and comfort…help them…" Blade let out a growl at the thought. "But him…it's like he didn't even care about Ashachu! What kind of father threatens to send his child away alone!" He felt his mind flash back to a memory.

*Flashback*

"Shard, leave that runt out and alone, he'll only slow us down and take more of our food." Cleave commanded.

Shard stood fast against his orders. "He's my son, and yours in case you forgot, how could you so willingly throw him out to die."

Cleave struck her across the face. "Do not disobey me, the only reason you are still alive is because I believe you can still bear worthy offspring!"

Shard struck him back, tackling him to the ground, and though Blade couldn't see it, she was prepared to castrate him then and there. "I will not hear any more talk of abandoning our son. If I do, I'll make sure you never father another child again."

"Don't make threats you can't honor Shard."

*End Flashback*

"My mother would've killed him if he'd sent me away alone." Blade was seething frustration, one of few things he could still feel.

'Then perhaps you should slaughter them.' The voice returned, and yet it sounded comforting, and somehow darker. 'After all, is that not what I would have done?'

Blade glanced over seeing Shadow. And yet it wasn't him. Something about him was obviously off.

'Precisely. If someone hurts those you love, they should be punished.' Another voice came. More feminine, and with a glance the other way…

"M-mom?" Blade was stunned, and yet she too had a similar feeling. As though she wasn't truly there.

They were wrong, both of them, they weren't real. Shard was dead. Shadow was dead. The two people he loved most were dead.

'Then why do you persist?' that voice returned, the voice of that twisted nightmarish version of himself. 'If they are gone, then why bother living, we may as well hang ourselves from this tree, save everyone the trouble of dealing with us.'

"No, we…I…have"

'Friends? Don't delude yourself, they don't care about you, they just care that you're strong.' The words cut deep. 'Did you really believe you were recovering?' the nightmarish Blade manifested in front of him. Reaching out it's claw and pressing it into his chest. 'Then if I reach inside, you won't be hollow?'

Blade gulped and looked away, fear seeming to take him.

And without hesitation the nightmare Blade pushed his claw in touching Blade's very soul. 'Do you know what I feel Blade?'

The Sneasel avoided eye contact.

'Deny it all you want, we both know what's inside your heart. Nothing. An empty void, so desperate to be filled you'd forgive the people who took Shadow away from us!'

Tears started to stream down Blade's face.

'Crying won't help. Or did you forget the only person who cared to wipe away your tears died because of you!' the nightmare doppelganger forced Blade into eye contact. 'it's your fault Shadow died! You killed him! It's all your fault!' the nightmare smiled widely at him. 'But you know that already don't you? That you killed the man you love?'

Blade couldn't see past his tears. "You promised you'd never leave me…" His vision blurred, and yet he could feel his doppelgangers claws against his neck, ready to slit his throat open. "You lied to me, you promised…" No, not the doppelganger, his own claws ready to end his silent suffering."Why did you abandon me?" The grip around his neck tightened "I just want to be with you again, Shadow" his claws started to dig into his neck when he felt something stop him.

'Is this really what I would want for you?' Shadow's voice sang out through his mind. Blade felt the darkness envelope him as those powerful yet gentle claws pulled his own from his neck.

"I just feel so alone…" Blade's tears stopped a moment later as he noticed the other Pokemon being called back. He wiped his eyes clean and buried his sorrow, they didn't need to see him suffering. He didn't want them to. Even if it inevitably killed him, he refused to show his pain.