Traveling to the Keeper's hideaways turned out to be much harder than I had hoped. Though on Valerica's side of the dividing wall, they were still a considerable distance away from one another, and we had already had a long trek today.

Serana cast a spell, frowning thoughtfully at something I couldn't see, "Let's go this way. My Clairvoyance spell says that one of the Keepers is directly to the west of here. The other two are in the opposite direction."

Since the lightning continued to crash down around us, we kept close to the buildings. Neither of us wanted to be the tallest thing wandering the dead plains.

The two-hour hike across rough terrain proved to be a huge drain on me, thanks to the soul trap spell. Worse, we had been traveling at a walk, picking our way over the terrain instead of our usual adventurous pace. The cracks in the ground were too much of a risk for breaking an ankle, so a steady but careful walk was the best we could do. Still, I sagged against the outer wall of the first Keeper's hideout, breathing hard and wiping the sweat from my forehead.

Redguards were well known for their stamina, but that stamina didn't count when it came to having a portion of one's soul sucked out. I was already well done with this, and could only hope we could do something about it before we left. I wasn't keen on leaving such an intimate part of myself here, that was for damned sure. What would happen when I died? The thought of being dragged here for eternity was enough motivation to make plans for getting my soul back.

"Lasirah?" Serana's low, anxious voice told me that this wasn't the first time she had tried to get my attention. Her hand rested on my shoulder worriedly.

"I-I'm sorry, Serana," I wheezed, "Give me a few minutes. I'm usually better than this but..."

"It's okay," my companion squeezed my shoulder gently, "We'll take more frequent breaks from now on. I've become too used to traveling at a brisk pace, and you are suffering for it."

I turned to look at her, "Don't start blaming yourself. I told you, didn't I? knew the risks when I agreed to let you soul-trap me in the first place. I'm worried about you too; you need blood," I pointed out.

I had already spotted the signs of Serana's need for blood in the slight crow's feet around her eyes, and the creases at the corners of her mouth. We were at roughly twenty-four hours since she had last fed. She would be nearing stage two. After four days without blood, she would be in the fourth stage. The withering of her flesh would get progressively worse as time wore on. Soon she would be just as bad off, appearance-wise, as the vampires I normally hunted. And the risks weren't just cosmetic... she would become a stronger, deadlier predator, and her thirst would make her increasingly dangerous to be around as her self-control eroded.

Serana nodded, "I will definitely need to feed when we get back. But if we rush things, we could end up making a mistake that could set us back worse than if we go carefully. I'll be all right for a while yet. Let me handle the majority of the fighting. You snipe from a distance. Just… watch your aim, all right?"

I nodded and took a deep breath, looking at the structure we were huddled next to. It wasn't a building so much as a structure. Once we crept up the small set of stairs, the place turned out to be more like a courtyard. It was surrounded by walls barely taller than I was, topped with crenellations.

At the far end, a massive figure rose from a throne-like chair. The Keeper was home, and not in the mood for company. Around the edges of the courtyard, several human souls stood transfixed in place, streamers of their essence being dragged out of them and into some indistinct focal point on the Keeper.

The fury that filled me, seeing human souls helplessly stand by as they were drained to feed the barrier, gave me enough energy to push aside my exhaustion.

Serana kept her distance, firing spears of ice at the figure. The thing was taller than a man had any right to be; nearly half the size of the giants who roamed Skyrim. Worse, it was decked out in some sort of heavy armor made out of bones. It gripped a mace in its hand that I had no desire to get any closer to.

Close-range fighter, eh? Well then, you're in for a world of hurt against two ranged fighters! I drew back an arrow and sighted on it, then paused uncomfortably. Okay, that complicates things a wee bit. Human-shaped though this thing was, it lacked a head! Instead, glowing white eyes glared out of a vaguely head-sized cloud of darkness where the head should have been.

Can't shoot it in the face, obviously. Guess we'll have to do this the hard way. I pulled the arrow back as hard as I could and let it fly.

The arrow cut through the air with a high hissing whine and buried itself in the thing's shoulder. The creature made no sounds of pain, not even the gargling snarl of a draugr. Instead, its desiccated flesh within the armor creaked and whined with its movements as it charged for Serana. She managed to get it in the other shoulder with an ice spike. The Keeper stumbled, its grip on the mace weakening. It fumbled, and made a couple of attempts to correct its grip.

My second arrow got it in the back of the knee, and it staggered, nearly going down. Serana dove to the side as a clumsy swing of the mace bashed into the ground where Serana had been standing.

"Ha! Too slow!" My companion fired another ice spear at the Keeper, staggering it. "Tough day for you! I still remember how to fight!"

My next arrow buried itself in the Keeper's lower back, driving it to its one remaining knee. Serana lashed back in with two more ice spears in rapid succession, and the Keeper collapsed, releasing a small blast of energy. Wispy silver energy dissipated around it.

The human souls suddenly seemed to come back to themselves, looked around in alarm, and fled the courtyard without hesitation. One of them chanted in terror, "Must stay away from the Keepers... Must stay away from the Keepers!"

"Teamwork, right there!" Serana grinned as she rejoined me, "One down, two more to go. And at least the souls around here won't be fed into the barrier holding Mother."

Our next trek was to the southeast, and we had to backtrack through the rough terrain. We had to continue past Valerica's spot into more uncharted territory.

The cracks and fissures in the dry, dead earth were still gently releasing a thin curtain of misty energy into the air, which rapidly dissipated. It didn't help my twisting stomach any, to note that it was identical to the soul energy that had come off of the Keeper we had defeated. We paused for lunch and I brought it up.

"You're right," Serana confessed; "Those are souls leaking through the fissures. I bet if we brought an empty soul gem close enough, it would absorb a soul into it."

She saw my expression turn downright ill and hastened to reassure me. "Lasirah, these aren't human souls," she gestured at the nearest fissure. "Every soul that is used in enchantment winds up here; be it animal or human. You've already seen the human souls, right?"

I nodded unhappily. They were all so lost. Half of them didn't even know that they were dead, but all of them had sunk into despair; they knew they were trapped.

Serana raised a finger to recapture my attention again. "As you saw, they keep their shape, and memories of their human life. Humans are intelligent, and have a powerful sense of self. The souls of animals, however, aren't as strong."

I swallowed and felt myself calm a little.

Serana smiled reassuringly at me, "They lose cohesion after their death. Memories don't hold as well, because they're creatures of instinct rather than intellect. We should probably be thankful that the majority of enchanters use animal souls. It means that by the time the souls get here, there's nothing left of the living creature it once was. They revert to pure energy by the time they're used by the Keepers or the Ideal Masters." Her expression saddened then; "Of course, as we have seen, human souls are the best source of energy."

After eating a quick lunch, we got back to our feet. This place didn't have a day or night, technically speaking. If I had to guess, it was early evening by the time the next structure appeared out of the mist-shrouded distance. Unfortunately for me, even at the slower pace, with frequent pauses to rest, I could tell I wasn't going to be able to continue much farther. We would have to stop; my strength was already flagging by a frightening amount.

"Serana," I wheezed. "I'm sorry but… we'd better not push it today… My vision is blurring to the point where I can't trust my aim with the bow…"

I'm not proud of how thin and weak my voice sounded. I was also not happy that my vision went gray again, and I ended up sitting on the ground, propped up by both of our travel packs. I had lost time, somehow, which should have frightened me. Instead, I sat on the ground, dully staring into the near distance. My thoughts felt hazy and disjointed, as if Sanguine; the Daedric Prince of revelry and debauchery; had passed me some of his best herbs to smoke. But there was none of the pleasant, drugged quality to this sensation.

Serana bustled quickly around, setting up camp on her own. I sat and watched her for an embarrassingly long time before I could drag myself upright and pull out enough food for our dinners. Once again, there was no hope of making a fire out of the disintegrating remains of what passed for plant life around here, so it would be cold fares yet again.

I hated that Serana had to do the majority of the work; even my fair share of setting up camp. I also really, really hated how I needed Serana's help to get back off the ground. She had to use her vampiric strength to carry my useless body inside the tent once it was up. I might as well have been an invalid at this point.

Serana, however, seemed oddly... chipper. I wasn't sure if that was the right word, with my brain hazed over, but she seemed to have no complaints about doing all the work. I could almost swear to Stendarr that she was somehow enjoying taking care of me. This thought was solidified a bit more as I ate my share of the food at her encouragement. For Stendarr's sake, she even helped me lift the damn water canteen. Her expression was… gentle, and reassuring.

Eating did help a bit, and I felt a little of my strength returning. "Ugh… Thank you Serana. This soul-trapping thing sucks rotten guar eggs."

"Don't worry about it," she reassured me as we worked through the cold fares from our packs. "I confess there is something I would like from you though."

"Oh?" I popped the last bit of food in my mouth and sat back with a sigh.

Serana looked at me with tentative hope in her eyes. "Well, now that I've told you about my sordid past as a Daedra worshipper, I'd guess it's my turn to hear about you." I grimaced and her voice wavered to uncertainty, "...if that's all right."

"It's fine. And fair is fair," I allowed. "It's not an easy topic either, though for different reasons."

She nodded, then ventured, "What were your parents like?"

"They were good people. I miss them very much," I said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Serana's voice softened to barely above a whisper.

"You have the story of my past in short form; vampires enslaved my entire village, and carved everyone, including my would-be wife, up like a side of beef."

Serana paused, then asked shyly, "What was her name?"

I closed my eyes against the burning that pricked at the corners of them, "Lu'sanna Darin."

"Who was she?"

"She was the daughter of a local merchant. I, the daughter of an old soldier. We grew up together. Our wedding was to be a pretty big event in town." I smiled a little. "I remember my neighbors laughing and talking about it being 'about time we have something to celebrate!'"

Then, realizing that Serana didn't know any recent history, I explained. "Hammerfell had been devastated after the war with the Thalmor; strife and chaos everywhere. Our tiny town was spared, only because we were small and did little more than farm sugarcane."

Bitterness swept through me and I felt my mouth twist. "Unfortunately, that made us the perfect target for a brood of vampires. With the rest of the country focusing on recovering from war, who would remember or care about our little village if it were to... be claimed by the sands?"

I stopped and swallowed. It was Serana's turn to reach out and give my hand a gentle squeeze. "Our wedding was supposed to happen the next day. The vampires descended upon us the night before… the entire brood of them. We were always warned never to go wandering at night, that there were dangers in the dark... four-legged, and two-legged. We were never warned that vampires could attack entire towns in an organized group. Go figure... if you turn Redguard individuals one by one until you have a big enough group, our militaristic culture makes us surprisingly good at descending upon a tiny town with brutal efficiency."

I let out a heavy breath, "Redguards against Redguards… you'd think the fight would have been epic, but no. The town had done quite a bit of celebrating with generous quantities of Stros M'kai rum to go around. Most were caught by surprise. Most couldn't put one foot before the other in a straight line, much less swing a scimitar effectively."

Serana's gaze was on my face, sad, empathetic, even grieving a bit for the people she had never met, but that I had known and cared about. "Your family…?"

"My father died almost instantly. My mother fought like a Khajiit on skooma; she was a flurry of energy and violence. One of the most beautiful and deadly people I had ever seen with her twin scimitars in her hands. She had a circle of corpses around her before three vampires worked in tandem to take her down. I couldn't get to her in time." I swallowed heavily and shook my head. "Lu'sanna succumbed to Vampire Seduction by the master vampire even as I ran around the corner to get to her house. I saw him standing in the doorway of her home after seeing my parents die and just… lost it."

The next part hurt, though more my pride than anything.

"I had been taught how to wield a weapon from almost infancy. My father gifted me a fine scimitar when I reached thirteen. So I drew it and charged, fully ready to shove it through his spine." I gave a bitter chuckle and shook my head. "What they teach you is that war cries are supposed to instill fear in your enemy, and go with your mindset of a driving force behind your blows. I've heard that Nord cultures use it to great effect in combat. What they don't tell you… is that they also let your enemy know you are coming, and allow them to prepare a counterattack. In my case, I ran face-first into the Vampire Seduction spell."

Serana winced sympathetically.

"The vampire master - a Dunmer named Eldimar - found it downright hilarious when he saw our engagement rings. He was ancient, and was one of the few vampires who could cast the Vampire Seduction spell twice in one day. He was also sunk deep into the level of corruption that vampires often descend to after a few centuries. He kept us as... pets... for months. He fed from us, of course, and commanded us to sit on either side of his throne, on the floor. Two matching Redguard hounds, sitting loyal and poised at his feet. We were always within reach of a random caress or a bite, every night. He would renew the spell every dawn, before he retired to his coffin. I watched my enthralled neighbors and family succumb to various games and... entertainments... that the vampires cooked up in their lair, over the course of those months."

I let out a heavy breath and closed my eyes for a long time. Eventually, I opened them again, staring blankly at the tent wall straight ahead of me. "I was given a front-row seat of every terrible, sick thing they thought up. They hunted my aunt down in the tunnels for sport. The village elder's son was forced to fight his kinfolk like a gladiator. The losers were eaten. Eldimar knew that, even under the spell, we would know what was going to happen to us. It pleased him immensely to know that Lu'sanna and I would spend the weeks ahead of us knowing we would eventually succumb to one of the games. That we would still offer ourselves to his depraved pleasures, nonetheless. When Lu'sanna and I were the only remaining survivors, Eldimar decided to... generously donate my intended as a feast. She was to be the first party favor to the clan to mark the success of having slaughtered the entire town. I was to be the second."

I brushed my hair back, exposing the long, ragged scars that marred my cheek. "They carved her up, alive and screaming until the very end. Eldimar used a dagger on my face, cutting me with every scream she made. He was sneering into my eyes and asking me over and over if I liked to hear her pain."

Bile burned at the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down. "Of course… you know…. The spell strips you of everything. So I told him 'yes.' I told my master how much it pleased me to know that we were honoring his 'exalted family' with 'entertainment and fine dining.' He laughed, every time."

Serana made a sad, shocked sound, and I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. "But by this time, no one had left the lair in days. When you're always in the dark, time blurs. He lost track of time. He grew heady with the success and the fervor. He gave Lu'sanna the final blow… cutting out her beating heart and marking my face with two trails of her heart's blood." I reached up and touched the two streaks of white woad that now adorned my face, partially covering my scars. "Then he ate her heart in front of me, and... drunk with his hubris and the richest blood in the human body, ordered me to my pallet without re-casting the Seduction spell."

"And then you killed them all," Serana said softly.

I nodded, "Screaming swear words and throwing a random item is a normal and healthy response. When I came back to myself, I had all the horror of the memories and trauma right there in my freed mind. I was so far from 'normal and healthy' that I probably would have killed anything that moved, even normal humans. I was pure adrenaline and murderous intent. Ironically, it gave me everything I needed to know for killing vampires. I was silent, focused, and driven. I probably would have given the Dark Brotherhood a run for their money. I killed every last vampire, set the entire place on fire, and then just stood watching it burn until there was nothing left but char."

I felt a soft touch on my cheek, and opened my eyes to see that Serana had taken the square of linen and was delicately wiping my cheeks in return. I gave her a watery smile.

"Anyway," I finished, swallowing with difficulty. "I eventually came back to myself enough to swear to Stendarr that I would dedicate my life to protecting people who would be, or had been, the victims of vampires." I turned and looked her straight in the eyes, "That includes you."

Serana gazed back, her eyebrows drawn together in a puzzled expression, "Why does that include me? I am a vampire." She lifted her lip a little, baring her fangs properly for the first time since Ruunvald. They were slender, and very sharp, but didn't protrude past her lower lip. "Why do I get a pass when others don't?"

It was a little unnerving to see the fangs, but that didn't stop me from also wanting to reach up and smooth away that furrowed brow with my fingertips. "Because during that split second, when we first met, you knew I was human, and you didn't drain me. Because you apologized for collapsing into my arms, and asked me," I paused and then repeated the words for emphasis. "...asked me for just a few seconds of support to steady yourself. Because when you realized who and what I was, you tried to protect your own life with information, not violence. Because you came back to me for help, even knowing that you would have to put your life in danger to do so. Because you have empathy and compassion, where no other vampire I've ever encountered has retained that. Because you're still… you."

Her mouth closed to hide the fangs away again and looked away. "I am not human," she said the words softly and a little stubbornly; as if it would suddenly change the way I thought about her if she kept repeating it.

I gave her a little smirk, "I am fully aware of that. And as I told Isran, at full volume no less, I hunt vampires to protect people, not out of blind hatred."

Serana shook her head a little, as though I were missing some sort of obvious point, "I drink blood. I kill people. I kill a new person every time. I can't feed on animals; I've tried. It has to be human. How do you reconcile that?"

"Pretty easily, really," I leaned back on my hands, holding her gaze steadily. "Didn't you notice how easy it is to find a bandit to feed upon? Every city has guards, of course. But beyond every city wall?" I spread my hands and gestured in the vague direction of the portal. "There's nothing but wilderness, lethal wildlife, and violent marauders. The Empire is in the middle of a civil war, so the roads are not safe. Adventurers, sell-swords, and mercenaries make a living rooting out bandits as often as they root out wildlife." I nodded to the dagger at her hip, "Children learn how to use a weapon as soon as they can walk. It is considered 'normal' to have to kill another living person at some point. To never do so in your lifetime is almost impossible. Who am I to judge you for taking a little blood from them, considering you're going to be spilling it anyway?"

Serana let out a long, slow breath, "And you're attracted to me. Me, of all the women in the world."

"Why not?" Sheesh, she's in a bit of an argumentative mood today. I thought, wryly. Maybe letting go of some of that burden made her a bit more feisty? "Is there some other reason I should find you unattractive? We've already been over quite a few reasons why I like you. What's left?"

Serana opened her mouth, then closed it. Her glowing, amber eyes were still full of self-recrimination. "You shouldn't be attracted to someone like me. Those things you say are so good about me? I can't even imagine them being true. Love… affection… No. Such things would be twisted. Broken. I don't deserve-"

"Don't," I cut her off. The word was soft and warm despite the fury that boiled in me, hearing her talk that way about herself. I knew that they were Harkon's words. "Don't you dare continue that line of thought." I turned my whole body, shifting on the sleep roll until we were face to face, "Do you think I'm saying these things out of pity? Do you think that I'm lying?"

"No.. not lying… just... wrong." Tears began to stream down her face again.

Gods curse it all, how often am I going to make her cry? Guilt sent a pang through me, even as I felt a hot denial bubbling up at her claim that I was wrong to care about her.

"You're seeing things that aren't real," Serana argued. "You see a few things that make me look like everyone else, but it's like you're not seeing the vile things that go with them. Everything I am, everything I have become since that… day... was paid for with the lives of a thousand innocents. My whole body has been stained by the powers of a monster. I'm not some paragon of purity or innocence; I'm spoiled goods. I'm a monster, Lasirah."

"You are no such thing," I retorted.

Serana continued, stubbornly, "We didn't even try very hard to find the truth. If we had paid attention… if we had searched harder for the books… if we had only given it some real thought instead of just accepting the lies my father told us..."

"Serana," I growled, trying to keep a rein on my temper and not quite managing it. "You are not responsible for the deceit that scum-sucking..." I had to stop and clear my throat, changing the caustic insult I had been about to spit out.

I took a deep breath and softened my tone, "Your father deceived you. The only one responsible for that is him. You are also not responsible for the horror that Molag Bal put you through. No one, least of all me, believes that you're supposed to come out of a living nightmare as some sort of virtuous hero. I have no illusions or... romanticized daydreams about you somehow remaining untouched by what you endured. And in the aftermath? You survived because you did what you had to. Your choices were down to 'survive or die.' Or… I guess… survive or go on a destructive, murderous rampage." I rubbed the back of my neck, remembering more than one tragic result of a vampire trying to deny themselves.

Serana caught her breath, and I met her gaze squarely. I could see realization and recognition on her face.

I refused to break eye contact, and continued, "Serana, I've been doing this for over fifteen years, remember? I know that the thirst becomes all-consuming if not slaked. I know that you cannot restrain yourself if your need for blood is allowed to progress too far. Allow me to repeat myself: you did what you had to do."

Serana began to shake, "I thought that hating myself... that blaming myself was right… that I deserved that punishment."

"You didn't, and you don't. Your father injured and betrayed you. He shattered parts of you into a million fragments. That's his fault. His and no one else's." I reached out and very gently caught her chin on two fingers, "But only one person picked up those pieces. Guess which person glued those pieces together and continues to hold them together every day?"

I was still holding her chin with no more than my thumb and index finger, using a touch so light that it would require no effort for her to break free. Still, she didn't move or even try to look away, though her glowing amber eyes were wide.

"Guess who," I repeated.

"I do…" the words were barely breathed.

I nodded and affirmed, "You do. It's okay to be proud of yourself for that."

I released her chin as gently as I had captured it, and Serana blinked, as though coming out of a spell. "Did… did you just…?"

"No, I did not use magic on you," I promised gently. "Just words."

"And yet, contrary to everything else I've experienced, I actually believe you." Serana put a hand on her hip and eyed me with a mixture of wry amusement and just a little wonder. "You are an odd woman, Lasirah."

I smirked, "Oh come now, is that the best insult you can throw at me?"

Her eyes widened briefly, "Insult? No, I…" Serana paused in her protest to blink at my expression, "You… You're teasing me!"

I laughed, "That I am. No malice, of course, just playful teasing. Now, we need sleep. We've already spent two days far from Skyrim proper, and we still have a lot to do before we can leave."