Dad,
Forgive me. Forgive me for leaving you alone and for abandoning you to join Mum. I will give her all your love, I promise.
You are strong, Dad. The strongest man I've ever met. You were an example to me, you always were. And you have to stay that way, for Ria, for me, for you, for Mum. You need to be strong and not be a coward like I was.
Be smarter, be more thoughtful, keep being the one I've admired all my life.
You have to stay for Ria. You have to wait for her to come back, to get better, to get married and find stability. I know you want to join us. I know you too well. But Mum and I will wait for you.
I was selfish, I made that mistake. It was too much. Too much. I was just another burden on all of you. I had no hope left.
But Dad, you have to keep your hope. For Astoria, for your sisters and their children. You have to stand by them and fight. Hold on, think of them, think of what Mum would have wanted. She is there, I know it, I feel it every day. I see her sometimes. She has always been with us and she will never stop being with us. She tells me so in my dreams.
Dad, don't forget me. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget who you have been, by my side and by Mum's side. Don't forget Ria. Stay who you are.
Remember the best moments. The ones when you taught me everything I know. The moments when we climbed to the roof of the manor behind Mum's back. The moments when we dressed up with Ria to scare the house elves. The moments when you took us to King's Cross before every homecoming. The moments when we played those Muggle role play games you bought on the sly. The moments when Mum showed us her horrible paintings and we all pretended to think they were beautiful. The ones where you'd try to lecture Ria and me to please Mum, and then offer us sweets to make up for it.
Don't forget. Don't forget us.
Continue your walks. Keep reading and writing your poems. Keep sending endless letters to the Prophet complaining about the bad content of their articles. Keep washing dishes behind the elves' backs. Keep reading the paper in your old rocking chair. Keep picking the flowers yourself that you put by Mum every week.
My favourite are the camellias.
Dad, you have to hold on. Until the end. You are strong. Make us proud. Mum and I will wait as long as it takes. We will be with you all the way. We will be there. Always.
Dad, I love you. I love you more than anything.
Forgive me, Dad. Forgive me for leaving you.
Daphne
oOo
Greg, my love,
I don't know when you'll read this letter, but Merlin, I hope it gets to you directly. I'll do everything I can to make sure that happens. I can't imagine you getting it when you are released...
You know, I tried to remember what made me happy. I've tried to think of all the times I've smiled with you. But I can't do it anymore, Greg. I can't do it without you. Without Mum. Without Ria. I'm so alone. So terribly alone.
I lose track of time. I have no idea what day of the week, month or even year it is. I am lost. Everything is mixed up. I am nothing but a body without a soul. A useless life that wastes others' time.
Nobody listens to me. At least, not really. I speak in a vacuum, I'm going crazy. I repeat that I don't want to continue, that I can't go on without you. They tell me that it will pass with time. Maybe it has passed, yes.
It's suffocating. The days are endless. I wait for them to end and hope they never start again. Not without you.
It was endless, Greg. I was in so much pain, even though I wasn't doing anything.
All I can think about is you, that maybe one day I'll see you again. I try to think of the moments we had together. But they left me alone, too. I have forgotten them all. They never existed. I don't believe in them anymore. I'm going crazy, Greg.
I won't see you again, I've come to terms with that, don't worry. Don't worry, Greg.
I dream about you sometimes, you know. I imagine you with me, in front of me. I imagine us talking, me telling you how much I love you. And you say you do, too.
Sometimes, when I use those old potions my father drinks to talk to Mum, I can see you. Like you're real. I'm not crazy. Pansy says it's bad for my system, but I don't have much else to lose, do I?
I feel like I'll never get better. In fact, sometimes I think I've never been well. I can't remember any happy moments. They don't exist anymore. They never existed. It was all an illusion. I'm going crazy.
I can't stop this, but I'm close, I know how, Greg. You'll join me, won't you? You won't leave me alone? I'll wait for you, I'll be here. I'll be waiting for you until the end. I'll be there by your side all the way, my love. I'm not crazy, I promise. I'll be waiting for you.
Daphne
oOo
Astoria,
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't do it anymore. I know you're busy, I know you're having a good time and I'm sorry to bother you with this.
I miss you, you know. I need you. I'm so lonely. Without Mum, without Greg, without you... I thought I would make it, that I would be strong enough, that I would hold on.
I don't see you in my dreams. You are never there. You don't visit me during the day either, it's strange. But I'm not crazy, I can see the others.
I can't really think anymore, it's all so... blurry. I think I would have liked to see you, to have you with me one last time.
Say goodbye to Greg for me, will you? You'll add a chair for me at your wedding. I'll make room for you when you join us.
I've already imagined what our afterlife will be like together. It'll be better, I'll be a better big sister, I promise. I'll be fine and so will you.
I'm sorry Astoria, I love you so much.
Daphne.
oOo
Pansy,
I guess you were right. I'm not really coherent anymore.
I failed you, Pans. I know I failed you. I didn't deserve everything you gave me. Maybe you should have just left me. Is Blaise all right?
Sometimes I imagine us all together, as if nothing had happened. I've had too many potions tonight. I thought you might like these letters. I don't really know why I write them anymore.
Greg said he was waiting for me yesterday. I saw him, he was there in front of me and he hugged me. He promised me he would be there when I joined him. I hope it will be soon.
I miss Mum too. You remember her, don't you, Pans? She didn't like you very much.
I think I'm going mad, Pans. Greg told me earlier. He told me it was the end.
I wrote this letter to be nice. You're my best friend, you know.
I think I'm tired. I'll answer the floo tomorrow.
I'll visit y–
oOo
The first of September was a rainy day in England. A storm was rumbling, which startled some of the black-clad crowd gathered around an old oak tree.
Magical umbrellas covered some heads while other, black and simpler umbrellas let the rain drops mark their canvas, before sinking to the ground.
The Muggle bell tower of the nearby village echoed in the distance. The wind blew a few leaves here and there. The silence was heavy. Harsh. Painful.
In the midst of the gathering, Pansy was clutching her husband's hand so tightly that he wondered if his bones would eventually break. Time seemed to pass too slowly.
She stifled her sobs against Blaise's black coat, her face nestled in his collar.
After what seemed like an eternity, the rapid clacking of heels echoed on the cobblestones of the nearest road. Pansy tightened her grip on her husband's hand.
"Stay calm, Pans," he implored her in a low voice.
She complied, not having the strength to do otherwise anyway.
The footsteps came closer and soon Astoria Greengrass entered their field of vision, short of breath and with red cheeks. She was wearing midnight blue trousers and a white blouse which infuriated Pansy inside.
Blaise must have sensed this because he held her tighter to him.
"Well, let's get started," exclaimed the mage who was facing them. "We are gathered here to say goodbye to Daphne Sofia Greengrass, who left us a few days ago. Found in her office after an overdose of hallucinogenic potions."
This time, Pansy did not hold back her sobs.
oOo
The rain had subsided, but the sun was still hidden high in the sky behind grey clouds. There was so little light that it seemed as if the day was coming to an end.
Pansy was leaning on one of the balconies of Greengrass Manor, a glass of whisky in her hand, wearing her husband's coat, and had put her pumps to one side. She preferred to walk on the cold stone floor.
The funeral was over and Daphne's so-called family were all gathered inside to eat in honour of a woman they hadn't even known. This made Pansy bitter. Most of the guests had only learned that day that she had taken her own life. They were only there for appearances. A world of hypocrites.
The bay window behind her opened, but she did not move.
"It's all right, Blaise, you don't need to come and worry," she muttered before taking a sip of her drink.
"It's not Blaise."
Pansy turned abruptly towards Astoria who seemed hesitant to join her at the edge of the railing. She lost all desire to be polite. Pansy's gaze grew heavy with exasperation and she turned towards the horizon.
"It was bold of you to come," she said uncontrollably.
The few drinks she'd had weren't helping. Her emotions were heightened.
Astoria recoiled in surprise.
"She was my sister," she replied, frowning.
"So you're already talking in the past tense? She's already forgotten?"
"Pans'..."
"No," she snapped, shaking her head. "How dare you show up here after all this? How dare you set foot on your father's estate, which you abandoned like a coward after your mother died? How dare you come and talk to me when you've ignored my pleas for help for months?"
Astoria stepped back again, this time in anger. She had frowned and clenched her fists.
"You don't realise! You don't know what I've been through!"
"I don't know?" Pansy exclaimed with a sarcastic laugh. "But please, tell me! So what, you were too busy strolling the beaches of Miami, climbing Kilimanjaro or sailing the canals of Venice? Poor Astoria, you're right, I shouldn't blame you when you were suffering so much!"
"You distort everything," Astoria replied, with tears in her eyes.
"I distort everything? Where were you when we were fighting to get your friends out of Azkaban? Huh? Where were you when your sister showed her first signs of depression? When she started overdosing on your father's potions? Where were you, Astoria? Where were you at Narcissa's funeral? Where were you at Theo's wedding, or Draco's? Where were you when he had to be healed of the horrific injuries the Azkaban guards inflicted on him?"
Astoria looked away, unable to meet her friend's angry gaze.
"You didn't even bother to dress up for your sister's funeral!" Pansy shouted angrily.
"I didn't want to make the sadness of the moment worse," Astoria admitted in a small voice. "She wouldn't have wanted it."
Pansy shook her head, she could hardly believe how Astoria could be so dishonest, so selfish. She wanted to scream, to tear her hair out. She wanted to make her realise how wrong she was.
"She wrote you a letter, you know? In it, she apologises. She apologises for bothering you! She asks you to forgive her for killing herself!"
Pansy was crying. Her emotions were overwhelming her.
"She apologises for living, she apologises for dying, and you? You show up late to her funeral, like it's not enough that you weren't there for her all these years?!"
"The portkey was late."
"Is that all you care about? After everything I just told you?"
"I just–"
"You know what, Astoria? Fuck you. You and your perfect life can go to hell," Pansy cut her off angrily. "You wanted peace all these years? Well, you'll get it. Don't expect anything more from me. Go on your damn trips with your fiancée and don't come back. Nobody wants you here anymore."
Ginevra wasn't even there. She hadn't made the trip, nor had she answered Pansy's letters. And the very thought enraged her. She felt so alone. Abandoned by everyone.
She had been fighting for years, doing her best to save everyone, but she felt that the results were barely showing. She felt overwhelmed. Lost.
Pansy didn't let Astoria reply. She gave her one last disappointed and angry look, retrieved her shoes, and left the balcony to go back inside.
She was in a rage. She could almost feel her blood boiling in her veins. The alcohol was going to her head. She wanted to go home.
She looked for her husband through the crowd of guests and went towards him quickly, once she had found him near the bar.
"Blaise," she called out to him as she arrived. "I'm exhausted, I'm going home. Stay if you want."
"Is everything all right?" he worried immediately, seeing her still on the verge of tears.
She stared at him and shook her head ever so slightly. She was about to burst into tears, but was doing her best to restrain herself. They were being watched, there were people at the reception.
"Let's go home," he decided as he realised that something was seriously wrong.
He put an arm around her hips, apologised to the few people around them, then led her outside, collecting their things as they went.
Pansy felt sluggish. She was nauseous. She had drunk too much.
Nevertheless, this did not stop her from thinking over and over again about her discussion with Astoria. She was still angry and at the same time devastated by this day. She couldn't believe that it had turned out this way. She blamed the whole world.
Pansy felt like her life was only getting worse as the years went by. Sometimes she felt so alone, so lost, despite her husband's presence at every event. After all, she was still struggling to come to terms with the threats he had made to Granger.
Blaise apparated them once they were outside, and then they were back in the centre of their flat. She moved away from him as soon as they arrived and headed for their bedroom, tossing her jacket on the couch as she went.
"Where are you going?" Blaise asked behind her back.
"To bed," she muttered.
"But it's barely two o'clock!"
"I'm tired."
"Pans'... Be reasonable, you won't sleep all night.
She froze and clenched her fists. Was that all he was worried about? Didn't he wonder how she would get to France if she slept? How would she tell Draco about the funeral and promise him she'd put his letter on Daphne's grave? How was she doing, at all?
Pansy was out of her mind.
"You know what, Blaise?" she said, turning to him, tears in her eyes. "You're right, I'm not going to sleep."
"You have–"
"No, I'm going to pack my bag, go and see Draco when I'm sober, and tonight I'll sleep in Scotland," she cut him off firmly, shaking her head.
She had had enough. She was tired. She didn't want to spend any more time arguing with her husband.
"Darling..."
"I need to be alone, Blaise. I need to take some time for myself to think."
She saw her husband's face break down at these words.
"Don't you want me anymore?" he worried, frowning and taking a step towards her.
"I didn't say that," she sighed, stepping back. "I need some space. I need a break, Blaise. This whole thing–It's too much."
"I'm here for you, Pans', to help you through it all."
"I know. But I need to be alone. Please try to understand me."
She saw him swallow, then nod with difficulty. She felt her heart clench in her chest at seeing him so sad, but she held on. She needed this break. A few days' break.
"Can I give you a hug before you leave?" he asked, reaching a helpless hand towards her.
Pansy felt as if he was almost begging her. She nodded slowly, and he moved carefully towards her, before holding her to his chest.
She snuggled up to him and closed her eyes. The smell of his cologne comforted her more than she expected, so much so that she was almost tempted to stay.
"I love you, Pans', and I'm sorry if I've been too intrusive, or if I haven't respected your needs. I promise I'll make it up to you and try harder."
And that was all she needed.