Gwyn raises herself onto her tiptoes and takes a short breath before pressing her lips to Azriel's, her smaller hands still cradling his face. Their eyes both drift closed as he kisses her back, softly and tenderly, his hands coming to rest ever so lightly on her sides. His body is slightly rigid, afraid that if he makes the wrong move, she could break.
She parts from him only an inch and looks into his blazing hazel eyes. "I'm not going to break, Az. I know I am safe with you. I am not afraid. What I'm afraid of is you treating me like I'm glass. You know better than that. I am a Carynthian, your equal. I will not break from a kind touch, and you know that if there is something I don't like, I'd be very open about it."
Azriel brushes his nose against hers, breathing out softly. "I know that in my mind. I do. You know that. But my heart...the memories...not to mention the mate bond, wanting to protect you, even from myself—"
She lurches closer and wraps her arms around his middle tightly, laying her head on his chest the way she had when they had flown into the city. "There is a dynamic we will have to work on. But you need to trust that I am smart enough to make my own decisions and that I am capable. Of anything."
"Azriel presses a kiss to her forehead and nods. "I'm sorry. I'll have to work on not being...smothery."
Gwyn giggles and looks up at him, her bright teal eyes shining. "I wouldn't call it smothery. Just a bit overprotective. You're my mate, Azriel", she says softly, a smile spreading across her face. "My mate", she murmurs. "And if there is anyone I don't need protection from, it's you. So you can stop acting like you're a monster and I'm some...some...poor victim caught in your clutches. You're not a monster, and I am not a victim. We are equals."
He lets out a breath and loosens his guard, wrapping his arms around her as well, and pressing his nose against her pink cheek. "Forgive me. Many of the issues stem from how I see myself, and I never meant to project them onto you. I never want to do that or make you feel like any less than me. Ever."
She grins and runs her fingers through his hair like a puppy. "It's fairly difficult to stay mad at you when you look so cute and broody."
Azriel's cheeks pinken and she looks at him, smiling. "That's the second time you've referenced the word 'cute' and me in the same sentence.
"Well, it's true."
"Is not. I am a strong, deadly, torturous Illyrian warrior who can—mmph."
Gwyn kisses him fervently and intently, stroking her hands through his now shaggy hair.
He gasps a bit but kisses her back the same way, keeping his arms wrapped firmly around her, lifting her off her feet a few inches.
A few moments fly by, and they part for air, Gwyn giggling lightly. "A strong, deadly, Illyrian warrior who can sweep me off my feet? In the literal sense as well as metaphorical? I'm sure that's what you were going to say", she winks, amusement dancing in her expression.
He chuckles deeply, happiness on his face as he brings his fingers up to stroke her cheek. "Can I say something freely?"
"Always, Az. Always with me."
"I love your freckles. I've always loved your freckles. I love the way they paint your porcelain skin like stars in the night sky, and I love how they dance upon your face when you're joyed."
"I love your shadows. I've always loved your shadows. I love the way they dance around us and how they can calm your inner thoughts. How they whisper and sing and act as an extension of your heart."
Az pecks her lips softly and sensually before grinning brightly and genuinely. "You're a very special female, Gwyneth Berdara. And I am the luckiest male in all of Prythian. I mean that."
"And you are a very special male, Azriel Erebus", she beams.
He blinks, taken aback slightly. "You—you know my surname?"
"You told me. When you rescued me. Maybe it slipped because you were also worried, and you haven't used it since, so I was of the assumption you disliked being connected to it."
"I—I just don't use it in my line of work, and my friends never have use of it. It is my mother's maiden name. Her husband would not allow me to take his name like my brothers, since I was a bastard, and my mother refused to let me be aligned with the man she conceived me with...so they gave me her old family name."
Gwyn cups his cheek and strokes her thumb across it. "You deserved so much better. From all of them", she whispers, her hand dropping to join her other as she lifts both of his scarred hands to her lips and kisses them across the knuckles. "You didn't deserve to be treated that way. You were just a child; you were innocent of your mother's transgressions. I hate that they hurt you, but I am glad that the journey your life took, however unfortunately painful at times, still led you to me. I'm selfishly glad of that."
He laces their fingers together and blushes, forcing himself not to pull them away. He has spent centuries being ashamed of them and of the questions they would entail, that it's new to let someone touch them so freely and undeterred by the sight. "I am glad it led me to you as well. I have been blind and desperate for so many years, trying to seek out any form of...", he trails off.
"Care", she whispers. "More than that...love. You weren't given that as a child. That can really affect a lot. And I understand that in your quest for that, in your attempts to make any sort of connection fit what you were seeking, maybe you overshadowed everything else."
He swallows thickly and turns away, embarrassed of the admission. Embarrassed even more that she already knew. Gwyn squeezes his bicep, then gently cradles his face, turning him back to face her.
"We all have a past. You don't have to be ashamed of wanting love. It's something everyone wants, and most deserve. It is something you should have had growing up. But...you have it now", she says softly, her cheeks reddening. "You'll have it for the rest of our days if you let me in. If there is one thing I can say with certainty, it's that, Azriel. We have a long road to finding out how we work and of personal healing as well as healing together, and I am here for all of it because I mean it, Az. I know due to our circumstances, maybe it feels very premature to let that be known. But it's true."
Azriel's eyes glisten with unshed tears as he looks down at their clasped hands, walking slowly past the shops. "It may be inappropriate or wrong of me to hear it. Nevertheless, I can't help but want to. Whenever you feel the time is right for those three words to escape your lips. I only want them to be said when they ring absolutely true. Then, and only then, will I know you are comfortable with me saying it back."
Gwyn stops walking again and covers his hand with both of hers, looking up at him again. "I think I knew it was absolutely true the moment you saved me. Back then it was out of appreciation. Now, it's because we have gotten closer, and I know your heart in a much greater capacity. I told you that I was drawn to you before the mate bond, and I meant it. Even if we didn't have one...if all we had was a handful of fleeting years until you did find your true mate, I'd consider them the best years of my existence." Her eyes well with tears also. "Because every time you're around I can't stop my heart from racing. I can't stop my vision from drinking you in for as long as possible. I can't stop my mind from wanting to hear your voice; your velvety chuckle when you tease me. Every day I looked forward to seeing if you were going to be in or around the training ring. Those were the things that had nothing to do with the mate bond. That was purely me...crushing on you. It was never until you were very close, like in dagger practice, that I felt a stronger tug."
A tear makes its way down Az's cheek, and he wipes it away quickly with his free hand. "Meanwhile I was so fucking blind. So stupid. I couldn't see what was right in front of me. I knew there was a reason I felt for you so deeply, but I had refused to let myself believe it could be anything more than my bad habit...especially when I was still adamant that it must have been Elain. I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"Affairs of the heart are not straight and narrow. They ebb and flow, and things can get very messy. You don't need to apologize. We are here now."
"That we are", he responds, taking a deep breath of the night air.
He holds his hand out and she blushes, smiling as she takes it. He scoops her up and flies her back up to the library. She clings to his lapels and squeaks a bit as they drop down to the balcony closest to the dormitories. He chuckles and kisses the top of her head before setting her down.
"You'll get used to flying eventually."
"If I plan on spending time with my mate, I guess I'll have to", she teases, giggling.
He smirks and flares his wings out, showing off. Gwyn blushes and smirks as well. "Impressive wingspan. I heard yours is the biggest."
She can't help but let out a laugh when his face turns red.
"It is. All three of us measured", he snipes back at her.
"I bet you did", she replies, continuing to laugh.
Azriel pulls her close and kisses her, stroking his fingers through her gleaming copper red hair as his tongue teasingly traces the seam of her lips. "You like to be snarky, do you?", he murmurs, his chest rumbling under her hands.
"Mmm..." her breath hitches and she slaps his chest jokingly. "Get used to it", she smirks.
"Oh, I can't wait. I love our little verbal sparring matches almost as much as I enjoy our physical ones." His eyebrow raises in a challenge and a half-smirk graces his lips.
"As do I. I will enjoy both a bit more now."
"Good, I'll try to make it more enjoyable."
"I'm sure you will."
They hold each other sharp gazes for a moment before Azriel strokes a piece of unruly hair from her face, his features softening. Gwyn watches his shadows dance around in glee and grins knowingly, turning her attention back to Azriel.
She goes up on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around his neck slowly, looking directly into his eyes. "I love you, Azriel."
His throat bobs hard and his breath hitches. She sees his amber-flecked eyes mist up and she places her forehead against his quietly, smiling serenely. "I love you. I love you. I love you", she murmurs. "I'm not going anywhere. You accepted me, and I accept you. Jagged edges and all."
A sob escapes his throat, and he tries to hold back. Gwyn swallows and shakes her head. "Don't hold back from me, Az. We need to be able to lean on one another in our times of despair. Equals, remember?"
He tugs her closer against him and his head drops to her shoulder, his face nuzzling her neck as quiet sobs wrack his body. Her eyes tear up as she rubs his back. "I am here. I am yours, and you are mine."
"I—I...I love you t-too", he chokes out, the words foreign on his tongue, as they were to his ears.
.
.
.
Viviane rushes around the Winter Court Castle in a panic, skidding to a halt in their main guest sitting area, seeing Briar cradling Wynnie closely and singing softly to her.
She breathes heavily, a hand flying to her chest. "Briar."
The young woman looks up and smiles, brushing some onyx hair from her face and hooking it behind her now pointy ear. "Viviane", she nods politely.
"I was panicking when I didn't see Wynter in her bassinet. "Cauldron boil me. I thought...well, I thought the worst."
"Oh, I'm sorry. You and Kal were sleeping, and I know she has been crying a whole lot lately, so I thought I could help out. I've seen you take care of her for weeks now, and so I was just calming her, I had hoped you could get some good rest."
Viviane smiles lightly and takes a seat next to them, stroking her arm lovingly. "You're very good with her. A natural."
Briar smiles lightly and nods. "Back in the mortal lands, when—when I was human", she says quietly, "I worked at a daycare center. The littlest babies were always my favorite."
"That sounds like a lot of work. I only have this little one and she can hardly move on her own, and she still wears me down. I can't imagine a whole group of them."
Briar chuckles softly and rocks Wynnie, looking at her fondly. "It was, but it was rewarding too. They adored me. It was quite funny at times. I wonder now who is there to care for them", she swallows. "But I know I can't very well go back now that I've been Made Fae."
"I'm sorry." Vivian wraps an arm around her and sighs, playing with her daughter's tiny fingers.
Briar looks over at her. "You know that I like it here and that I am super grateful for everything you and Kal have taught me and how you've been here for me, right? I'm grateful for Vi too."
Viv nods and smiles. "That sister of mine has become good friends with you, I've heard."
"She has."
"But I see the hesitation on your face. What's on your mind?"
She gently passes her the baby and wrings her hands. "I know what you have taught me and such. But I haven't been anywhere else in Prythian. If this is to be my new home, I think I would like to visit all the Courts. To experience all I have learned of, to meet everyone you have mentioned. My whole life I have been a curious mind. That's how I became a Child of the Blessed. I was convinced there was something better here. I just want to see if I was right."
"Better? But you seem to have enjoyed your mortal life", she says gently.
Briar smiles sadly. "I did. But I was orphaned at sixteen. It was only me and my mother growing up, and she died of a mortal disease. Cancer, if you've heard of it."
Viviane nods. "I have. I hear it's one of the deadliest...sucks the life from the person slowly."
She tears up and nods. "I watched her fade away day by day. We were never very well off with money, so life was hard even when she was healthy and working. I kept up with my schooling and I worked diligently. It wasn't always enough and then there was the threat of—"
"Of the wall being breached", Viviane finishes, sympathetically.
"Yeah. Once my mother was gone, I started to wonder if Prythian was really as bad as the stories we were told, or if they simply wanted to keep our races separate. When I was stopped by one of the Children of the Blessed in the village, she made me believe that Prythian may be a better place. Maybe a place with no cancer. Longer lives, one of them had claimed to have met a Fae before. Said he was nothing but polite. Had run into him in the forest near the wall. Her name was Lilly. She was my friend...anyway, she kept gushing about how handsome he was and how dapper he sounded. How mysterious yet curious he was of her too. He had a shining mask made of gold, and flowy hair to match, and she said he had the brightest lime green irises. Her words exactly", she chuckles softly. "That's how she convinced me that a life in Prythian, a life serving handsome and polite Fae such as him would still be better than the lives we were leading."
Viviane swallows and blows out a breath.
"I came to quickly realize that in any realm of existence, there are individuals who are either good or evil", she tears up.
"Oh, Briar..." Viviane hugs her with her free arm. "I'm so sorry."
"You weren't the one who stole us. Who tortured us. Who forced us into the Cauldron. Who ki—", she trails off, a soft sob escaping her. "Who killed my friends. Hybern mentioned needing us for an experiment. He wanted to see if it would turn us Fae. There were about a dozen of us at first. Some of the guys volunteered. They were so excited. Except it killed all three of them. Drowned them from the inside out. Hybern only laughed and said they weren't worthy. Then the rest of us were wary, many of us terrified, refusing to go in after that. But he had his guards grab us one by one", she chokes out. "Lilly and I were the last two."
Tears rush down her face. "She...she had become like a sister to me. We refused to let go of one another, so they pried us apart. I can still hear her screaming for me", she sobs. "They pushed her in, and when she came out, she was gone like the others."
Viviane tears up and strokes Briar's tears away. "I know the pain of losing someone you love so much. It's horrible. I'm so sorry, Briar."
"The thing is, I was the last one. He threw me in and I—I didn't feel like I was drowning. Not like them. And then I was tossed out. Alive. I survived, and all my friends didn't, and I still don't know why. So when he kept forcing me in the Cauldron over and over day by day, marveling at why I wasn't dead...all I wanted was to be. I had wished, hoped, and prayed that I could die so I could be wherever my mother and Lilly were", she cries. "But it never killed me. I'll never know why. And never knowing why I was deemed worthy, and my best friend wasn't...it hurts every single day. He had tortured me and watched how fast I healed, experimented on me. I heal very fast...that's what I learned. It's good and bad I suppose. He tried to figure out what powers he thought I had or whatever the Cauldron gave me, whatever that meant. There were three Fae men—uh...males...that weren't like the others. They would show up sometimes. Except I could see the sympathy in their eyes. Whenever they could, they'd sneak me a bite or two of food. But they didn't speak. I think they were afraid of what would be done to me if they did. Only one risked it, only once. It's funny because he reminded me of the one Lilly had described back in the village. Golden locks, piercing green eyes. No mask, however. He told me that if everything goes right, all the bad would be over soon. He'd try the most to sneak me things. Food, water. Even the tiniest of smiles. I believe he was trying his best to make me feel better. That was maybe a couple of weeks before I was rescued.
When Feyre and Azriel came to save her sister and when they found me, and I was freed...I nearly didn't wish to survive anymore. But I saw that they were hurting and in need of help, so I wrapped Feyre's wound with the scraps of my shirt that I had left. I saw the blonde-haired man—male running with us when we got close to the cliff's edge. He must have blown his cover helping us because the vicious and terrifying death-beasts came after us. And I saw him turn into a beast too, but it was a different sort. Like a cross between a bear and a deer. But he went head-on with them. All of them. One of them nearly surpassed him when we were trying to fly away, and it wasn't working because their wings had been damaged. I caught his eye. A brighter greenish-yellow than his male form but...he concentrated on us and turned into this odd in-between form. Two legs but still beastlike and he threw his arm out and before I knew it, we were sailing across on the wind. He did that. My instincts told me that it was him who helped us get away. I don't know who he is, but I've always wanted to thank him. I was in a dark place, and I wanted to die, but he gave me a speck of hope and he saved my life along with Feyre, which incurred a value on it. I think of my mother and Lilly. I know that even Fae, they wouldn't want me to take my life. Not if they knew the truth. That there are so many good people here, that all the stories were only of the bad. The good rarely make history unless they choose to make it."
Kallias had joined in part-way through the conversation but had been listening in from their gigantic kitchen, where he had been making a bottle for Wynnie, who would be awake and howling for her food soon.
He exchanges knowing glances with Viviane and she chews her lip, shrugging ever so slightly.
Briar furrows her brow. "What. Kal, Viv...what is it?"
Kallias sighs deeply and sits across from them on another sofa, rubbing a hand down his face. Viviane looks at him, then down at Wynnie.
He looks at Briar and swallows. "We know the Fae male that you speak of."