Emerie's eyes widen and she slowly lowers the blade onto the counter, her cheeks turning red in embarrassment.
"Balthazar? D-Did you say Balthazar?"
He inclines his head and a smile to kill for spreads across his face, dimples and all. "Yes. It's nice to formally meet you, Miss Emerie Bardsley."
"You...you're the Balthazar. The one from the Rite that Nesta told me about."
"I am", he bows in a flourish and keeps grinning boyishly, before straightening out and moving closer, holding his hand out for her to shake. "I hope you don't still plan to stab me. I swear I have no ill intention."
She clears her throat and leans forward, clasping his hand in hers. A shudder wracks down her spine and she lets go quickly, staring up at his tall form. "It's nice to meet you too...um, I should thank you for helping us. Helping me. Those evil males really bested me, and I thought I was as good as dead as I passed out. I still don't understand why they didn't finish me off…maybe they thought drowning would take care of me, I don't know. But Nesta got me out and then you sheltered us, and I can't even tell you how much that means. So thank you."
Balthazar blushes slightly and glances at his hand with a confused expression for a split second, before looking back at her face and grinning again. "There is no need to thank me. Even as a warrior, I was told that if deaths can be prevented, then to prevent them. Worthless killing is what evildoers enjoy, and we are supposed to be on the side fighting for good. Therefore as warriors, we should not be stooping to the level of our ruthless opponents unless they pose a threat or it's absolutely necessary to do so. One of the things my father taught me", he says softly. "I never do enjoy killing, but I will protect good people with brute force if I must. I'm no coward."
"I don't believe you are. In fact, I know for a fact that it takes more strength to spare a life than it does to take it. It takes more will to stop violence than to inflict it when emotions run high. I admire that about you. Nesta gave me a rundown of your conversations the night that we stayed in the cave and...I just want to you know that I appreciate it. We both did. You are part of the reason we survived the night I believe. We would not have been the winners if a beast had eaten us", she chuckles lightly.
"Please, Emerie", he begins.
Emerie feels her insides coil at the suave way her name rolls off his tongue.
"Don't ever credit me for giving you a boost to the finish line. I didn't. I had no hand in how strong and brave you and your friends are. You all survived, and you survived because you are warriors who are even greater than the males who participated; myself included. That was not me who helped you win, it was yourself and your friendship. Do not credit me where credit is not due. You did it on your own. All three of you. I know Nesta didn't make it to the very top, but she is still a Carynthian in my mind. I heard about what happened...some of the men were complaining. Er...pissed off that she didn't die. I try my hardest to have as little contact with those bastards as possible. I cannot fathom how some males think of females still, even now. And sometimes evil breeds evil. I see them as no better than out enemies and as much as I dislike death, I would have no qualms about watching them all fall. In fact, I would enjoy it. Illyria needs change, and I hope someday soon, someone will actually step up and make it happen. That the laws will be better enforced so illegal clipping and violence against females will be nearly extinct there. But it may not be as long as I live, and that saddens me."
Emerie can feel herself tearing up again and she resists the urge to hug him tightly and see what his scent is like.
Wait, what his scent is like?
"I know I keep saying this, but thank you. For...your philosophy. For how you feel. My father was the exact opposite, and many times it made me afraid of all males. After he died, I realized that nobody was going to take my joy away from me anymore and I slowly got over that fear, especially when I became the owner of the shop and nobody, not even my horrible family could take that away from me. But to meet a male such as yourself that I am not quite familiar with is a breath of fresh air. Really and truly."
He smiles, the dimples seeming to taunt her heart as it flutters in her chest. "I'm flattered you think so highly of me, but it should not be rare or special to feel this way and I hate that it is considered something special. It should be everybody's morals, but...you know Illyria. It's not a kind place. I wish it will be one day."
"As do I", she smiles sweetly. "Oh. Um, here is that cloak for your mother. Free of charge. I want you to have it. Not only for what you did for Nesta and me but because of everything we've spoken about. Your mother seems like a fantastic woman if she and your father raised you to be so caring. This will be my extended thank you to both of them. Since I know your father wanted her to have it before he passed away."
Balthazar's eyes widen a bit and become misty. "What? No, I can't accept this. That's not right."
"You can and you will", Emerie smirks. "Don't make me have to fight you."
"Yeah, I have a feeling I'd lose anyway, Miss Valkyrie. So...alright. But I still don't think it's fair. This fur is high quality, and expensive. I was fully expecting to pay the full price."
"I know. But don't worry, really. There are many hunters I make dealings with. I'm sure with winter coming up, many furs will be coming into stock."
He nods and swallows a bit, choked up as he looks at it. 'Thank you. My mother will love it."
"I hope she does."
"May I ask you something personal?"
Emerie is slightly taken aback but nods silently.
"He troubles his lip before asking. "Do you miss flying?"
Her breath hitches a bit and she looks down at her wrung hands. "Yes", she replies quietly. "Very much. But I was young when they clipped me. It's been so many years that sometimes I forget what it ever felt like to feel the wind beneath my wings. It's...very hard to outstretch them as well. Painful. But I do go visit the House of Wind where Nesta lives, and her friends and mate fly me there, but it's very quick and usually, I'm just tucked to their side."
He nods, a look of utter empathy on his face. "Maybe this is a little bit forward but...maybe I could fly with you one day? I mean...I could fly and hold you. With you sort of, but what I mean is—well, for you mostly. Just...if you ever wanted to." His cheeks turn a shade of crimson as his molten chocolate eyes, look at her almost pleadingly, his expression shy and reserved. A stark difference from the playful man who had first walked in.
Her cheeks heat as well, and Emerie takes a breath.
I am the waves against shores, nobody will break me.
"I...I think I would like that very much, if you're sure. I don't want to inconvenience you or anything ."
"It is not an inconvenience at all, I swear it, Miss Bardsley."
"Emerie is fine", she smiles beautifully.
"Emerie", he murmurs, soft as velvet and sweet as honey. "Beautiful name for a beautiful female. Alright Emerie, how about Friday?"
"Okay", she says shyly. "Friday it is. I will be free around two o'clock if that works for you. We don't have to take long if you are busy..."
"I'm not busy", he replies, looking directly into her eyes.
She blushes and nods. "So that works then?"
"Yes. Two works", he smiles, those deep dimples showing again. He bows as he had before, the waves in his dark hair sweeping across his forehead as he does so. "I await Friday, Miss Emerie."
"As do I."
He gently takes her hand and places a soft kiss upon her knuckles. Her body erupts in tingles and she gasps softly.
"Have a wonderful few nights."
"Y-you too."
He smiles sweetly and tucks the parcel under his arm, taking off into the sky. Emerie stares after him, her breaths coming quicker and her mind running a mile a minute.
Oh, crap. I have to tell Nesta and Gwyn immediately.
Sheathing the dagger into the holder on the side of her pants, she closes the shop and takes a deep breath.
They are going to freak out.
.
.
.
Meanwhile, Mor is having a drink at Rita's. She is flirting with a sexy brunette female. A non-Illyrian, who is there traveling. Just as they are about to leave together, she catches an all too familiar scent. One that drives her crazy in the worst ways. Growling annoyedly, she turns to her date. Excuse me a moment to wash up?"
"Of course, darling", her date drawls, flashing a saccharine smile.
Mor rushes towards to bar area, the scent getting stronger and stronger until she spots a male with long auburn hair. Yanking it back, her voice becomes absolutely murderous in his ear, the way only the Morrigan's could.
"What the fuck are you doing here? So close to me? To my family? Where we all frequent!?"
Eris grimaces at the tight hold on his locks and he spins around, yanking her wrist away from his head. "Well excuse you, Lady Morrigan", he growls in annoyance. "I had business dealings with Rhysand today and thought I would stop in for a drink. He said you were out and since you are usually out of The Night Court when they tell me that it's no wonder I believed as such. How is my pretty—"
Mor smacks him across the face hard. "I am not your pretty anything." A bunch of males snicker and whistle. Grabbing his bicep, she purposely digs her fingernails in and drags him to the back near the restrooms. "Are you absolutely out of your mind!? This is not your home, and you don't belong here. I made it perfectly clear that I want you nowhere near me or my family."
"Ahh yes, still keeping our secret, are we? It's getting a bit cliché now, don't you think? I think it is high time we come clean. It's not like it will change anything at this point."
Mor's lip curls into a snarl. "I hate you. With a burning passion. I hate you!"
"Yes, yes, darling, I think that is well established. Though let's be honest, you should be thanking me. For everything I did for you. For everything I went through to make sure you survived", he drawls with a vicious air of calm. "You've only seen a fragment of how vicious Beron can be, dear Morrigan."
"I owe you nothing. Anything you did, you did willingly. But you left me rotting with a nail through my body."
"I left you where your friends would find you. In the only clearing in the Autumn Court that can be seen from above. I left you there because if I didn't and I touched you, you would've been stuck with me and I, you. Which brings us back to you not wanting that."
Mor takes a shaky breath. "I know", she mumbles. "And...as much as I despise to admit this, I saw how conflicted you were. Moreso...I felt it."
"There you go then."
"You would have let him tie me to that marriage bed, though. You would have done what you had to do to make sure you stayed heir."
"You really think that?"
"How could I not? You fucking stood by knowing what Beron had planned for Lucien's love! You sat by in the fucking comfort of the castle, blocking it all out. So no, you may not have had a hand in it, but you were fucking impartial. Which makes you just as complicit. You are daddy's little pet, and you always have been."
Eris growls and pushes her against the wall hard, his eyes blazing with the orange of hot flames. "No, I am not! I do the shit I do to fucking survive, Morrigan."
Mor's eyes glow a bright white and he is thrown back against the opposite wall. "Ah, so it's finally showing its ugly face. Under all that regality and calm, you still have Beron's blood within you, heir of Autumn."
Eris's eyes return to normal, as do Mor's, and he straightens his jacket. "I have done nothing to get you to hate me as much as you do, Morrigan. You act as if I planned for the Cauldron to choose what it chose. As if I chose to let Keir nail you, as if I chose to let Jesminda die, as if I chose to be assaulted over and over and over because of the small complicities as you like to say. The small fucking things I could do to help people around him without dying myself. You lived with Keir, you know the power they hold. You know more than anyone what it's like. And yet you sit here and judge me, as someone who had the fucking choice to get out. To flee. To create a new life. I don't have that option. The next High Lord is either me or one of my brothers who are exactly like him, and I will be damned if I let the Autumn Court go down because I choose myself over our people, over my mother who needs me there. I am not selfish, and not that I even need to tell you this but you couldn't even imagine how many lashings I've taken in her place, and how many lesser fae I've snuck around to try and help. I know I'm not selfish, and you should fucking know that. If I were, fuck yes, I would have kept you. If I had any piece of Beron inside me as you say, I would have coveted you instead of allowing you to flee, because they were right about you being a fucking knock-out and you'd make a gorgeous wife and mate. But I am nothing like him. Coveting is not fulfilling. Possession is not fulfilling."
Mor's guffaws. "I know you protect your mother, and rightfully so but are you kidding me? You're calling me a coward for fleeing? Selfish for leaving you?"
"No. I fully accepted that you could not love me the way a mate was supposed to, and I don't need a trophy wife to bolster my confidence. I was not going to have a relationship like my parents or Rhysand's or Tamlin's. That is my point. I am not my father, and you should know that. I helped you flee, another thing you know. But again, you twist my words. You were not a High Lord's child. You had the option to leave and never return to the Court of Nightmares. You were never going to be a High Lord or Lady. From the time I was birthed, I was stuck in my destiny. I don't have the option to flee without abandoning my people and I won't do that. If I were truly selfish I would. But I don't, because if Beron dies, and Tristan or Arrick or Kellan takes over, nothing will change. Not a damn thing. I want change. I want it to thrive like other Courts. I do not want to be a vindictive, evil dictator."
"You are right. I didn't warn Lucien, and I let his love die. There is not a day that goes by that I haven't felt guilty for that. But when Beron called for my youngest brother's head too, I knew that I wouldn't allow that to happen, and I was the one who alerted Tamlin to take him in. To save him. Me. Nobody knows that except Feyre and Lucien now. I'm fine with that. I won't go around boasting my insignificant good deeds, because I know the vicious guise I put on is who people see me as. Same as how they saw Rhysand. But I thought you of all people, would know that. Would understand that. If only because of this bond."
Mor is taken aback a bit and she blinks. "You...you helped save Lucien?"
"Yes."
"But you tried to kill him and Feyre!"
"No. It was all an act. I need my brothers convinced I am like them, like my father. If that falters at all, in any capacity, it will be my head next rolling through the bloodied courtyard. And change will never come to Autumn. I cannot falter with that guise. I needed everyone to believe I was treacherous. I still do, except for those who truly know and will bid for my take over; your family. Lucien. You have no idea how much I wished for Beron to die Under the Mountain. But he didn't. So I have to keep this façade, or else everything will be lost." He sighs and runs his fingers through the bottom of his hair. "Look, I didn't come here to bother you. I did not know you'd be here, and I thought you were in Vallahan again."
Mor stands there silent for a moment before speaking. "I wish we could cut the bond with a sword."
"Ouch, you wound me so."
She glares at him.
He rolls his eyes. "I've gotten the message for five hundred years, Morrigan. I helped you flee so you could taint yourself and get out of it, did I not? There is no way you still think I want to kidnap you back, and if you do, that sounds like you're obsessed with me and not the other way around."
"Shut up", she growls.
"Now what are you mad about?", he sighs, looking bored.
"You. You and your stupid guise, and your stupid father, and the fact that you represent everything bad I've ever fucking faced in my life, and your stupid freckle specked face alone is a bad fucking omen."
"Gee, keep the compliments rolling."
"I said shut up."
He puts his hands in the air, then in his pockets, his eyes catching hers. The bond stretches out between them, attempting to tug them closer, thrumming with unfulfilled energy from all the years of keeping well enough away.
Mor rubs her hands down her face. "You were right about one thing and one thing only. I should have known you had many faces, and why. I do know what it's like living in fear, and I don't know what it's like to have to stay where you are abused...for centuries, never able to truly escape. I'm willing to admit that maybe my own fear and anger about how I was treated was extended to you...despite knowing you had a hand in helping me out. Despite seeing pain in your eyes when you walked away from me as I was impaled and bleeding. And...I know we have all done horrible things for the right reason. I never thought about where I was placed. Only the searing pain filled my mind. But you did...you did make them put me where Az could see me."
Eris's eyes are a bit wide in shock at her admissions.
Mor glares. "I'm not finished."
"Go on", he motions with his hand.
She takes a shaky breath. "I have faces too. I act tough and unbothered, but I'm a coward as well, keeping this secret from them for so long. And, I wish it hadn't gotten out of control so much that my family wants to nearly murder you. Especially Azriel. It's wrong of me on all accounts to keep the secret, not only for how you are treated by them but because of how I've treated Az. Luckily, he has found his mate and I revealed to him that I preferred females. He was hurt, I could tell, but he accepted it. But I should tell my cousin, and the rest of them."
Eris nods slowly. "The shadowsinger found his mate? I wasn't expecting that news any time soon. But yes. It's time, I think."
"I shouldn't have told you about Azriel, it wasn't my place so pretend you don't know. Also, you said you made sacrifices to save my life back then. What do you mean?"
He takes a long, drawn-out breath. "You don't want to know, believe me."
"Eris, I deserve to know."
Hi eyebrow raises as she uses is name, then grimaces and crosses his arms, leaning back against the wall, and crossing a leg over the other. The picture of Autumn Court regality. "He wanted to know her name", he mumbles.
"Who's name?"
"Lucien's...first love."
"So you weren't just complicit. You gave her up so he wouldn't track me down?"
"Beron said that he would find you and force you back here to be my bride if it was the last thing he did. That we could pretend you were still...pure and not a whore. That nobody had to know and we could make you realize the consequence if you ever let it slide", he winces. "I asked him to let it go because I didn't want you, knowing full well it was the other way around. He said the only way he'd let me remain single and unbothered was if I could find out who Lucien's wh—girlfriend was. That if he could discipline one son, he could look past your...indiscretion and treason by saying he refused for me to marry a—well, you can fill in the blank. I don't quite like that sort of slur in my mouth."
"You gave her up...to protect me?'
"No. It was not as it seems. As long as I could hold him off, I lied. I'd say he was too sneaky. That I could never catch him with her. That he is a stupid fox who escaped my grasp. Beron would get his guards to beat the shit out of me every week. Every single time I failed, until I was on the cusp of death and could barely breathe. I made it a few months until I broke. I...I was a coward, but I knew it was the only way to save you and myself. All I ever said was that I thought her name was Jess. I didn't even say her whole name. I told him I didn't know what she looked like or where she lived. But somehow within the week, he had located her. Because without telling me, he got my brother to follow Lucien. To never take an eye off him one night, or he'd lose a limb. I had no idea. I tell myself all the time that it wasn't the name I gave that got her killed, but Tristan's spying. That helps me sleep better at night, I suppose."
"If he had Lucien followed...I don't think the name mattered much."
"Are you trying to give me a bit of peace?"
"It seems like a simple truth. Though, I suppose I realize how bitter I've become. How hardened and ignorant I had been. It does not mean you are my favorite person. Not by a long shot. I still hate you. But I think maybe I understand you more. We should have had a conversation long before now, but I was too busy avoiding you."
"Well, you didn't want your family to scent the bond. I knew that. Then they would know we have both been lying for centuries."
She nods slowly. "I need to go. My date—"
"Is waiting for you. She's lovely, Mor. And for the record, I do bid you happiness. I always have. You forget that I knew you never wanted me, but the reverse wasn't quite true."
She blinks a few times at the unexpected kindness and nods slowly. "You too, Eris. For the first time ever, I mean that. I want the past to be in the past, and the unnecessary lying to stop, and I will tell them. Also, I can't help that I prefer females, and I can't help your personal feelings about me."
"I know that. So...I expect I'll be called to attend this meeting?"
"Possibly."
"Let me know."
"You'll know if you're needed."
"I will", he says softly.
The way he looks at her, she can feel his longing through the bond. She always knew, even during their horrible past, that he found her beautiful. That he had some sort of feelings for her. But she also knew that he chose to let her go, even when he would have loved to make her his wife. She can't help but think she has been much too harsh to him, as he never did force that and he made sure his father couldn't force that on her. Before he can react, Mor goes over and kisses him.
Eris gasps a bit and kisses back just as Mor pulls away, shocked by herself, but it wasn't as repulsive as she'd imagined.
"That's all you get. As a thank you for letting me go, despite circumstances. And because the bond is quite insistent. And for...dealing with what you did to make sure I lived in peace."
"You're welcome", he states. "You do still sleep with males though, no?", he murmurs, his eyes mischievous.
"Ugh, you pig."
He smirks. "Offer is always open. I'm not attached. I'm also far too realistic to wish for juvenile happily ever afters and I know you never want to wed me or anything, but the mate bond could make it some pretty amazing fun", he shrugs.
Mor rolls her eyes. "I'm not that desperate."
"And I'm not that repulsive to you anymore."
She curses under her breath, realizing why she has stayed away for so long. Because he can sense her feelings through the bond when they are in close proximity, as can she.
"Have fun with your female. I certainly won't be waiting around for you, but as I said, the offer stands whenever. Consider it like a voucher. Admit one for a no strings attached romp in the sheets. You know the rumors of Autumn Court males, don't you?", his eyes spark again and he lets out a chuckle she's never heard.
"As I said. Pig", she groans. "Goodbye, Eris."
"Goodnight, Morrigan", he smirks, returning to the bar. Two females sitting there are obviously competing with each other for his attention. Mor shakes her head and returns to the front entrance where her date was waiting, realizing she is nowhere to be found. She curses and groans, hating that she took so long.
That female was sexy as fuck, and she was going to have quite the wild night. Still wants to, the mood not lost on her. Casting a sidelong glance back at Eris, she second-guesses herself.
I can't! Can I? Would it be that terrible? It probably wouldn't be terrible at all, that's the problem. Fuck, is it even worth it? He did say no strings attached...