Moans of pleasure fill the hotel room as they both hit their climax, spiraling over the edge. Panting hard, Eris rolls onto his back and breathes, smirking over at the blonde he thought he would never experience.

Mor groans. "Don't look so fucking smug. I was horny and you were here. Not to mention it was your fault my date left, so you owed me."

"Mhh, I didn't say a word. You are quite loud though aren't you?"

She smacks his chest and Eris lets out a hearty laugh. Her mouth curves up in a smile, unable to help the contagiousness of it. "You're the worst male in all of Prythian."

"I think that is an overstatement."

"I don't."

"Keir?"

"Aside from my father."

"Beron?"

"And your father!"

"Tamlin?"

"Okay, okay, maybe it's a slight overstatement, but ranking number four in the worst males in Prythian is not exactly something to be proud of."

"And where do I rank on the roster of good lays, mate?", he enunciates to get on her nerves.

Mor stays silent, refusing to answer as she gets up, a sheet wrapped around her body as she casts him a glare.

"Ah, I see."

"See what?", she snaps.

"So I rank number one then. Would make sense with the mate bond and all. And I knew that I blew your mind. You didn't stop all night. Or morning. All five—"

"Enough!"

That horridly confident smirk stays plastered to his face as his greenish brown eyes smolder in the sunlight of dawn.

"Fuck you."

"That's a good choice in wording. You've done so the last twelve hours as you begged for and rode my—"

"We both know what happened, okay!?"

"You don't have to be so brash, Morrigan."

"I'm...reeling. That I actually did that with you."

A look of hurt passes by his features for only a split second before his resolve is back. "Five times. Look, it's not like you don't sleep with other men for pleasure. And it's not like I don't sleep around with other females for pleasure either. The only difference is the damn bond, which you knew long before you willingly came into this room with me last night."

"I know that", she mutters and sighs, brushing hair from her face.

"But the bond isn't a replacement for...actual love. I've witnessed my parents and many other parents in Prythian fail and become terrible couples, bond or no. Mine included. I never wish you to be tied to me when I know you couldn't feel the way you need to about me, Mor. And in the privacy of these four walls, in front of you, because you need the same thing, I admit that it's only fair for both of us to want that. It's not fair that the Cauldron decided on us, and neither of us will ever be able to sever it. We know it doesn't work that way. But when you find the woman you're supposed to be with, you'll know. When I find the woman I'm supposed to be with...again...I'll know. And hopefully, the bond will lessen. Or at least that is the hope."

She swallows as she re-dressed, flushed but curious. "What do you mean, again?"

He blushes a bit and looks out the window. "There was a female once. She was...well, she was the one I wanted. It was karmically hilarious too because she wasn't a pureblood High Fae which meant that if my father found out..."

"Beron would kill her", she breathes. "Like Jesminda."

"Yes."

She sits on the end of the bed as Eris gets up and dresses, the room quiet for a moment. Before she can stop herself, she pushes, as if she actually cares.

"What was she like? Where did you meet?"

Eris casts her a sidelong glance as if to ask why she cares.

She sighs. "I found someone once too. She made me feel everything I ever wanted. I thought we'd be together for...forever", she murmurs. "I was foolish. Because shit happens and death comes to visit. You'd think we'd be used to this by now, but it never gets easier. Even using ourselves as weapons isn't enough sometimes."

Once his trousers are on he nods and sits at the top of the bed, running a hand through his tousled red hair. "When Marina got killed, I wasn't there. Just one more thing I hold over myself."

Mor swallows hard and looks at her hands. "I wasn't there either. She was mortal", she says weakly. "One of the Queens from the old War. Her name was Andromache. I loved her so much. So much that I had to make the choice to put her first. I realized that she needed to continue her bloodline for the mortal lands. She helped build the Wall and draw up the Treaty. Once it was up, I couldn't get past it, but I heard that she had five children and married a man. She obviously died of old age after about eighty years...long for mortals. I've done my grieving but for some reason, I have never been able to move on. Because I've never felt that type of love again. Not in the last five centuries. The worst part of it is that her spirit lived on in her great great great great granddaughter, Demetra. The golden Queen." Mor's eyes sparkle with tears.

Eris's brow furrows a bit. "The one that the other Queens betrayed. I heard she was dropped in Velaris and impaled."

A tear falls down Mor's face. "She didn't get the chance to continue the bloodline so...Andromache died with her. For good."

Eris swallows thickly and gets up, silently wiping the tears from her face. "You know...you don't have to hate me. We could be friends. I know the past is horrible and convoluted and there is a lot of shit that will never be okay. But I swear Beron will die one day, and it won't change the past, but it will make the future a whole lot better. Also, you are my mate whether we are together or not, and I wouldn't let him hurt you. I didn't then, and I won't now, Morrigan. I should have expected your own father to lash out and I didn't think that through, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that in order to set you free, I couldn't protect you. And I'm sorry about Andromache. It really sucks when the entire world seems like it's against you from the very beginning. We have that in common at least."

She chuckles through a sob and wipes the rest of the tears from her face. "I've spent so long hating you and blaming you for my problems that I don't know how to feel any other way."

"If it's any consolation I've spent so long hating and blaming myself for things too."

She scoffs and sniffs. "Your turn."

"My turn?"

"Tell me about her."

He looks at his hands and wrings them. "As I said, her name was Marina. She was...beautiful. Russet colored wavy hair, and these big blue-green eyes. Skin pale as moonlight. She was a priestess. One of the ones in Sangravah", he trails off into a whisper. "Like that girl I've heard Nesta befriended; one of the ones who won the title of Carynthian. Anyway, my father's general, Kylon, the one who helped kill Jesminda...he was Marina's father...but you know how my father's friends are. He refused to admit he was seduced by a nymph, and he didn't want any part of her or her mother. Her mother, Gale, had begged him to help them since she was his daughter. He refused to let them reside in the Forest House and my father didn't force it, as he despises lesser Fae. They couldn't dwell with the other nymphs in the Spring Court because they were full-blooded, and Marina looked like us, but despite being able to take a water form, it wasn't like theirs. So Sangravah was the only option. To house those who were misfits, lessers, and what my father calls 'abominations'. Mixed races and the odd or broken."

Mor listens, a bit wide-eyed, but stays quiet as Eris continues.

"When Beron was called Under the Mountain decades ago, along with me and my brothers, I got to leave only once a month for Court business. A day maximum. We would usually send powerful emissaries or sentries to attend the Rite at Sangravah. What the Spring Court calls Calanmai. But one year about twenty-eight or so years ago, I wondered how ridiculous it was, and so I attended myself, shockingly Amarantha let me. Marina was one of the maidens that year and...I was chosen for her. I was her first. And I'm not usually gullible enough to say love at first sight exists but...gods, I fell for her hard after that night. But I told her about Beron, what he's done, who he is. I told her that I could never come back. That I couldn't risk my brothers following me and finding out about her the way he had with Lucien's girl. We had that night and the following morning. Then we parted and I returned home. Nobody knew how long it would be for Tamlin to find...Feyre. So, I didn't know when the curses would be lifted and my father would be back. I forced myself to stay away for her safety, not only because of Beron but because of Amarantha and Hybern. I wanted her to be involved in none of it. They were safe then. We did send letters back and forth. One per month. I had told her I want no information that anyone could ever use against me to get to her. Especially Amarantha, so it was usually boring chit-chat. But she would always place a hug and kiss symbol next to her signature. The letters eventually stopped coming...and I went to the Temple for a service months after they stopped. She wasn't there. When I asked another priestess, they had told me she died. I never asked how. I didn't know if I wanted to know."

"I will never understand why everyone keeps so many secrets. Myself included. I suppose it is solely because there are people who would do anything for power. Beron, Keir, Hybern, Amarantha, Briallyn, now these stupid mortal queens and Koschei. We can try to keep the people we love safe, but the reality is that nobody is ever safe. So why bother keeping secrets when they are alive. We are all trying to survive but...we make ourselves miserable by doing so."

"That we do...I wonder what happened to her all the time. I wish I had the strength to ask back then. And then four years ago...what Hybern did to the Temple, what he put all of those innocent females through...it's all senseless. But if the people of Prythian are anything, we are resilient. Our life spans certainly help, as does our high resistance to wounds."

Mor nods and looks up at the ceiling. "I'll speak to them."

"Good."

"Ironic, huh? The truth-speaker lying for centuries. Being scared to actually speak the truth."

"Quite."

"Prick."

"Bitch."

Mor smirks a bit and looks over at him. "I can't believe...any of this happened."

"Neither can I."

"Well Vanserra, I suppose I'll be seeing you around."

"I suppose I will, Abaddon."

Mor cringes at her surname and Eris inclines his head. "Neither of those names suit us, though they are our birth-given names."

"That they are. Unfortunately", she scoffs.

Eris gets up and squeezes her shoulder gently. "I wish things had been different back then. But I-I know that you know we both did what we had to do in the worst of circumstances."

"I do now. And I'm done thinking about it. I'm done hiding."

"You never should have had to."

"No, I shouldn't have."

.

.

.

Eris stands at the small foothills of the Autumn Court Castle, gazing up at the sharp, golden spires and domes that adorn it. A shudder wracks through him, and he mentally braces himself for whatever Beron has in store for him since he went awol again the entire previous day and night. Making the short trek to the front doors, he slips inside, attempting to get to his bedroom in peace. Through the vent grates in the floors of the hallway, he can hear screams and whimpers, the sound wafting all the way up from the dungeon. It seems his father has found someone to take out his anger on already. He just prays that he isn't next.

The sound of footfalls coming around the corner makes his entire body tense involuntarily, only relaxing when he sees that it's his mother, Aurelia Vanserra. He goes to walk around her, but she gently grabs his arm, stopping him.

Eris stiffens slightly. He knows that his mother would never hurt him, but he can't help but carry some resentment for the life she brought him and all his brothers into when they were born.

"Yes, Mother?"

She sniffles, and it's then that he realizes she has been crying. "I—I wanted to warn you that he's in a mood. I think you probably came to that conclusion with all the screams. It...it's Arrick", she swallows hard. Eris observes her and sees a blotch around her eye of skin color that isn't exactly as pale as she is, and he realizes she's hiding yet another black eye.

"Arrick...usually it's me or Tristan. What did he do?"

"I don't quite know."

Eris sighs. "He deserves to be put down", he mutters. "We both know it. We would all be happier. I'm not sure if there is any fixing of Tristan, Arrick, or Kellon. He seems to have a tight hold on them and they...worship him. Even when he does this to them. I have a very good guise. You know what everybody in the other courts think of me, mother. I don't care, because it keeps myself safe as I can be, and probably you too. But at some point, there will be a breaking point. Mark my word. I can summon my inner demon if only to get rid of him. Let me know if you ever want that. One word and I'd try my hardest, or we could do it when he's asleep or—"

"Eris", she whisper scolds. "Shh. We cannot be talking about this. That's treason. And I will not lose another son. I've already lost two and..."

"And technically Lucien too."

"Yes", she says sadly. "So please, just...be a good boy, hm?", she mutters, pecking his cheek. "We will get through it."

He swallows. "Mother?"

"Yes?"

"He gave you another black eye?"

Aurelia looks down in shame. "Don't worry about it, it's not for you to fret about."

"I'm glad you aren't mates. I mean...if he's gone, maybe you can find some semblance of happiness. Be with...the male you're meant for. You deserve to be treated better."

Tears prick at her olive green eyes. "I know..."

Eris gently pulls her into his room and closes the door. "Tell me, because you never have before. Did your family barter with his?"

Her eyes close and a deep, tired sigh escapes her. "As it was back then. I was one of the maidens during The Great Rite. Your father was sent to do the Rite the same year I was. As the heir, he was supposed to choose a wife since he was considered too old to still be wifeless. I was the maiden that was paired with him, he seemed...tortured. Had tons of bruises and was battered, but still very handsome. After the Rite, I went back home and I didn't hear much from the High Lord or your father", she trails off.

"Okay...and then what?"

"I don't think the rest of the story would be beneficial for you to know, Eris."

"Mother. I deserve to know your history. Please." He very rarely begs, but he has a feeling there is a reason she was chosen for him.

Wringing her hands a bit, she continues, her voice softer. "About a couple months later, I—I found out that I was pregnant. My parents were adamant that I find the male that I conceived with. When I told them it was the High Lord's son, they were absolutely thrilled. They said that if I was tied to the future High Lord by carrying his child, that I must be his wife. It was a huge win fall for them. They got in contact with the High Court and...his parents and mine forced the marriage. Said no son of theirs would have an illegitimate child. When his parents were killed in the war, and he became High Lord, he decided to rule the way his father had. With fear. He became just as horrible as his father, and his father before him." Tears fall down her face slowly.

Eris sits on his bed and rubs his face. "So it was my fault. My conception tied you to this evil."

"Oh, honey. I never once regretted you. Or your brothers. Regardless of how they were conceived", she whispers. "You were all bright blessings in a dark life."

Eris can feel the burn of tears threatening his eyeballs, realizing that his father most likely forced her into trying to conceive more than once.

She goes over and cups his face. "I love you. I love all of you. I know that I haven't been the mother any of you deserve. Two of you died and Lucien was cast out and the other three are...just like him. The way he was with his father. I've failed all of you miserably. But you...you are here still. And you are strong, and you will end the cycle of the vile High Lords of Autumn. You are our future, and a bright one", she sniffs, tears falling. "I am so proud of you, no matter what anyone says. I know the things you've had to go through; I know the truth. I hope one day that you meet the female you are meant to be with, and she is wonderful and understanding, and an exceptional wife and Lady and mother one day."

A blush stains his freckle-specked cheeks. "I had a good conversation with Morrigan last night. It was refreshing. We came to a really nice understanding finally. I don't think she hates me as much now. But you know that she can't be the mate I need and vice versa."

"Unfortunately the Mother doesn't take sexuality into account when choosing equal mate pairs. Usually, it is equals of the opposite sex to produce strong children. I'm sorry that she doesn't want you that way, and I'm sorry that you are stuck with that bond for your life. Sorry for you both. But you can love another female just as fiercely as you could a real mate. There was a time that I did love your father. I-had learned to. Things were really good for a few years after you were born. He was wonderful until one day, he wasn't. But you aren't like him. You are amazing, and you will find an amazing female who will love you as much as you deserve, Eris."

"I did once. When I went to the Rite at the Sangravah Temple. I never told a soul about her because of his reputation. Not to mention Amaratntha at the time. Everything that happened with Lucien and to the High Lords and..." His whispers trail off.

Aurelia looks solemn and nods in understanding.

"She was part lesser fae, so we all know how he would've reacted. I told her I would not take the chance of him finding out. I lost her to save her. It was one night...maybe two if you count the one time I was there for father and stayed a bit longer than intended. But I fell hard for her, and she felt the same, but we knew it could never be, because of Beron. We never knew when he'd be back. I told her all the details, and I told her I'd never let what happened to Jesminda happen to her. So we would send letters periodically back and forth. We'd leave them near the border for each other. Her name was Marina." He looks up at his mother to see her brow furrow.

"That name...it sounds familiar."

"That's right. She is—was...Kylon's daughter. It seems Autumn males have a bad habit of conceiving with the maidens."

Aurelia gasps. "That's right. He refused to be further involved with her mother because she was a nymph. They couldn't live with the Sprint Court nymphs because Marina's nymph form was different due to being part High Fae. And Kylon and your father refused for them to stay, even at the Forest House, because they wanted nothing to do with..."

"...the abominations. That's what Marina said that her mother told her they called them."

"Yes. You loved her?"

"Yes. Very much. Obviously, at first, I didn't know who she was. Only after did we have conversations and I realized."

"I remember now. But what happened?"

"I don't know", he mutters, choking up. "The letters stopped one day, and I went there to check and the priestesses told me she was dead. So I left."

"I'm so sorry." She hugs him tightly and sways gently. Eris lets himself relax for the moment, his forehead resting on her shoulder.

"Me too. I know just a percentage of the pain Lucien went through. I don't think I could have watched her die and lived myself. Luci is...strong as hell. I don't know how he does it, continues on. But he did, and the Cauldron blessed him with a fated mate. I hope to gods it works out for him this time."

"Have you told him any of this?"

"No. At this point, after everything I've done to him with the others...or at least what I haven't done as they attempted to kill him, I don't think there is any hope for repairing that bridge any time soon, Mother."

"You were so good with him as a baby", she smiles, sweet memories filling her head. "So so good to him. He adored you, Eris."

Eris swallows. "Yes, well, we were all innocent as young children and then we grew up and Beron gave us not a moment of freedom or peace or even safety. I became someone I never wanted to become simply to survive him, even at the risk to Lucien."

She grips his hand. "But you got him out", he whispers. "Thank you. So much. I-I never did thank you for that risk."

Eris looks down. "I didn't know that you knew. But, I always had a soft spot for him, despite how I acted the opposite. I couldn't let any of them kill him. I couldn't. Not only for myself, but for—", he cuts himself off. "Well, for other reasons", he says, looking into her eyes. She avoids his gaze as he knew she would.

"I know, Mother. We got lucky that father is as stupid as they come", he whispers. "But he's still my baby brother. So, I did it for him, and for me, and for you, and for the future", he murmurs. "One day soon the threat will be gone, and we can all air out our truths, letting the chips fall as they may with whatever comes with them."

Aurelia tears up again and her lower lip trembles.

"You'll be happy one day. You'll be where you're meant to. So will I. You are lucky in one aspect. Luci is a part of the love you were always meant for. I'm sorry I started the cycle of your hell", he says, voice wavering. "I'll never be what he is."

"Don't say that. You are my son, Eris. My firstborn. My blood. Just as much as he is. What happened was meant to be. You were meant to be. You are the savior of this Court, and I regret absolutely nothing if it means a better future for everyone here, and that you have grown up to be the son I always needed."

"Maybe so, however, the difference is that I'm the son you needed, but he's the son you wanted."

Those words are like a stab to the heart for Aurelia, as they ring true, but she loves Eris and Lucien all the same, she tries to love all her children the same, but she had failed to protect them both, protect them all. Tears flow down her face as she stares at her resilient eldest.

"I don't blame you for knowing or feeling that. I would too. You are lucky in a way. I have nothing of Marina except scraps of paper, and she's gone too. You have an incredible piece of him and he's still around."

She tucks Eris's long ruby hair behind his ear and wipes her face with the back of her free hand. "I love you, Eris. Never forget that. I love you both just the same, just as deeply. You are parts of my soul and always will be. And it kills my heart to think that your brothers are too far gone", she chokes up. "Because I've already lost two of you to the rampant curse of viciousness that runs through the blood of Beron's children."

"I know, Mom. I love you, too. Things are just not okay and I'm sick of it. I'm glad Lucien and Tamlin killed Solis and Patrick. I know that sounds horrible to say as their brother, but they were a danger to everyone. They were too..."

"Sadistic", she whispers.

"Yes."

"I know it was self-defense too. Lucien and Tamlin...they were protecting themselves, I don't blame them for that either. I just wish there was something I could have done to protect all of you from this. I'm a coward, and I know that I—"

"He hurts you too", Eris states. "You did what you could without getting nearly killed. He won't even let you use your powers unless he gives you permission. That's got to be simmering inside of you. All that power is no good backed up."

She lets out a breath. "I manage."

"I know. Only when he's passed out cold, and in the middle of the forest."

"How do you know about that?"

"I've known the sound of your feet shuffling and the rustle of your coat in the dead of night once a month since I was young enough to remember it. He's only going to get worse."

"We can't, Eris. You know that it's unheard of, regardless."

"Yes, well, excuse me if I don't think abuse should be a part of life that people should accept and live with anymore. It should be a reason."

"Eris, please", she pleads.

"Fine, for now. You better get back to wherever he told you to be before he comes back. You'll need to tend to his broken fingers from beating up Arrick."

She nods silently and kisses his forehead before slipping out of the room. Closing and sealing his door with magic, he goes over to the small trunk he keeps and opens it. He takes out a bound book and sits cross-legged on his floor, pushing his hair from his face as he looks through the pages of short letters from Marina. A melancholic smile plays on his lips as he strokes his fingertips over the dried ink. The last letter she ever sent him was his favorite.

My dear Eris,

It pains me so to go month after month waiting for the day I get to receive your letter and send one back, but I know it is necessary in your eyes. I hope one day the issue is resolved and you will be free. Until then, I carry pieces of you with me always in my soul. Despite our distance, you have given me a love I had only ever dreamed about, and so much more. A chance to realize who I truly am. Thank you for that, and for deeming me worthy of your continued love and care. For you, I would do anything, even if it pains me. Always remember that I act out of love.

Yours always, Marina xoxo

He quickly wipes the tear that had escaped and closes the book, leaning against his bedframe. Unlike her other letters, which were usually about her life as a priestess or vague happenings in her life, the last letter was cryptic and was dropped near the border twelve years ago. After three months of waiting for another, Eris had arrived at Sangravah and been told she was gone.

Letting his eyes droop closed, he allows the silent tears to finally fall down his face as he mourns his loss of both the love of his life and the mate he can never have.