"You're gonna have to hit harder than that, Gwyn!", Cassian laughs, stepping back and crossing his muscular arms. "You seem distracted", he taunts.
Her face flushes and she grimaces. "I am focused. I promise. I am."
"Could it be because a certain shadowsinger is training with us today?"
"What's your excuse then? A certain fae of death?"
Cassian smirks. "Touché. Her butt does look quite nice in her improved leathers though."
Nesta tosses him a glare that says she means business but is equally flattered.
"But then again, so does Az's."
Gwyn gapes and her face turns red as a tomato as Cassian barks out a laugh. Nesta can't help but smirk, holding in a laugh.
Emerie seems distracted as well. She has for over a week now. She has been fairly quiet. "And what's your problem, Em? I'm sick of skirting around it. All of you need to get your asses in gear."
Emerie sighs and chews her lip, dropping her stance defeatedly. "I...may have news."
Nesta and Az walk over to the other three, concerned.
"What? What news, is it bad?", Nesta questions.
"No, it's not bad per se..."
Gwyn hugs her side. "You know that you can tell us anything, Em."
"I met Balthazar", she says, looking at Nesta.
Nesta's brow furrows for a moment before her eye widen. "The Illyrian male who helped me save you during the Rite; the male from the cave?"
"Yes, that's the one."
"Wow, how was he?"
"He—", Emerie blows out a breath. "He was very sweet. You're right, he was kind and gentle. And uhh, he asked me out."
"What!?", Gwyn squeals.
Nesta chuckles. "Oh my gods, really?"
Cassian smirks and squeezes her shoulder. "That's our girl."
Azriel smiles and nods, waiting for her to continue as his shadows whirl around himself and Gwyn.
"Yeah, really. Well, we had made plans for a few days ago but then the shop was very busy so he said we could reschedule. And I haven't heard, but I'm sure he's training and also busy. I don't really know what the offer really was, he just um...", she trails off. "He offered to fly me around Velaris."
"I could've done that", Cassian pouts.
Emerie smiles and chuckles. "Thanks Cassian, but I never would have asked that of you, and as you know it's...more intimate when it isn't out of necessity. I'd never offend Nesta that way."
Nesta squeezes her hand. "You wouldn't offend me, but I think I understand what you mean. He offered to fly you around and that sounds amazing. Was it like a date?"
"That's where I'm unsure. I don't know whether it's just out of pity, if he's just curious about us as Valkyries, or if he actually took a liking to me."
"It's hard for anyone not to like you, Emerie."
She looks at her hands. One clasped with Gwyn's and the other with Nesta's, their bracelet charms magnetized together. "Thank you. I suppose it's just odd because of everything I've been through. I've never really got the chance to try anything more than friendship with anyone for a very long time now. And of course, right now it's a blooming friendship and I don't expect it to be more at the moment but what if he falls for me? Or worse, I fall for him? Then what?"
"Then you will figure it out then. No need to worry about something that may or may not happen. Just enjoy the friendship and go flying with him; see where it leads. When we were in that cave...let's just say I never expected to meet anyone that I would deem honorable during the Rite. I thought all the males were brutes that wanted us dead as quickly as possible. But Balthazar wasn't like them at all. He cared. About me, about you. He's probably the f—", she pauses, glancing at Cassian and Azriel, "the third Illyrian male who has any sort of heart."
Cassian growls in her ear playfully and nips it. "I should hope you'd do well to remember your mate."
Nesta gasps and swats him away. "Not nowww."
He chuckles deeply and shrugs.
"That's true. It's just—it's been so long since I've been on a date, and it was only about two dates in the past. They both sucked. I haven't really thought about being with anyone since um, Jarod. He was an Illyrian male who grew up in a more progressive home. We dated off and on when my father first died and I got away from my horrific family members. I loved him and he loved me but eventually we simply...didn't fit anymore. He didn't think it would be good for me to have my own business, especially being clipped. Sometimes I have some pain. But I told him I could do it, that I could handle it. Maybe it's partially my fault that we didn't work. I spent a lot of time making it my own, and less time with him. But yeah, we drifted apart and broke up. He has a mate and two little kids now too. Luckily, they're boys so he doesn't have to worry about being pressured to clip her wings. Even though we didn't work, I know he'd never do that."
Nesta and Gwyn gape, but Gwyn speaks first. "I'm sorry, why is this the first time we are hearing of Jarod? We're your best friends!"
Nesta bites her lip. Emerie glances at her and Gwyn gasps. "You knew? Nes! You knew and you never told me?"
Emerie hugs her. "I'm sorry, I let it slip to Nesta once, and then we never talked about it again. Plus, it doesn't matter anymore, It's been a century at least."
"You know it's still weird for us to hear that. We are only in our twenties, Em."
She laughs softly and nods. "Right, sorry."
Azriel meets Gwyn's eyes and his sparkle with a hint of light as his shadows skitter around her happily. She grins at him and he blushes softly.
Cassian snorts. "Alright, let's call it for today. I can see none of us are very focused."
They all agree. Cassian takes Emerie back to her house and Azriel goes over to Gwyn, shyly taking her hands.
She peers up at him and smiles, stroking her thumbs over the patchy scars on his hands. His shadows brush her shoulders and arms and she chuckles. "Hey, that tickles."
"You can feel them?", Azriel asks, puzzled.
"Yeah...why, you can't?"
"No, I can. But nobody else can."
"Just another thing that makes me special probably."
"You are special", he murmurs, leaning down and placing a soft peck on her lips. "You are so very special, Berdara."
"So are you, Erebus."
He gently pulls her close and leans his forehead on hers, smiling his genuine, uninhibited smile.
Gwyn tears up and cups his cheek. "Seeing you smile makes my heart sing. Because you don't smile too much day to day, and when you smile at me and I am worthy of that, it makes me feel all sorts of things. You are so handsome, Azriel."
"Mh, maybe you're also a heartsinger", he chuckles softly.
Gwyn laughs and kisses his nose. "Your humor is unappreciated too."
"You think so?"
"I do", she beams, moving onto her tiptoes to brush her lips against his. "Just so you know, when I say you're handsome, I mean in every way at all times. Or at least all the times and ways I have seen you. Even the other day when you came back all bloodied and enraged."
Azriel's face falls a bit. "I didn't mean for you to see me that way. It was a rough day and I—"
"Shh", Gwyn murmurs, placing a finger to his lips. "I know what you have to do sometimes, Az. And I am not afraid of you. I wasn't afraid of you before, and I'm not afraid of you even covered in someone else's blood. Maybe that makes me a bit messed up too, but that's why we work. I know you need to kill some days. It's not a secret, and I don't want it to be. I want you to be able to be free and yourself around me. I don't want you to hide."
He takes a shaking breath and looks into her eyes, his throat bobbing.
"I saw you kill before", she whispers. "And I was grateful for it. They deserved it, and I'm sure the people you do kill deserve it."
"That doesn't always make it right."
"No...but much of what we do in Prythian isn't inherently right. We base most of our virtues and morals on tradition and we are pretty vicious as a species. Many get bored of immortality and have nothing left to lose. And with wars and bad upbringings from the last generations who were even more vicious than us...it doesn't always make for the best citizens or lifestyles. But we adapt and we change, and we do our best for the next generations."
Azriel nods and hugs her close, swaying in the slight breeze. Gwyn wraps her arms around his middle. "That is very true Gwyneth. Though if I'm being honest, I was bored of my life a long time ago. I didn't want to be here, and some days I thought maybe I would let the next person take me down. But I suppose somewhere inside of me I knew that I couldn't. I didn't want to cause my brothers or anyone else I had befriended any pain, and I know they had lost enough already."
"And now?", she whispers.
"Now...I don't think I'll ever get bored of immortality if I get to spend it with you. You keep me on my toes already and I think I really needed that. I really needed you, Gwyn."
She smiles brightly and takes the white ribbon out of her hair, letting it down, then wraps it around their wrists gently. "Forever, my mate", she blushes.
Az kisses her forehead and nods as his shadows make small noises of glee in his ears. He intertwines their fingers slowly and strokes the top of her hand.
"I wanted to speak with you about something. But I don't know how you'll take it."
She furrows her brow but nods, pulling him into the house and leading him to his room, unraveling her ribbon from their wrists and then plopping herself down at his desk chair. Azriel makes a mental note to leave the door ajar as he quietly settles on the edge of his bed, heaving a deep breath. "Gwyn...Gwyneth. Berdara—"
"Yes, all variants of my name", she grins, teasing him softly.
His question comes out as a near-silent whisper and his eyes look at her both worriedly and pleadingly.
"Az, you were too quiet. I may have good hearing but not that good."
He massages his hand out of nervous habit and swallows thickly, looking into her eyes. "I-I...well, um...Gwyn, now that we are mates—and of course you can absolutely decline if you aren't ready—I was wondering if you'd like to maybe assist me in making blueprint plans for a possible house. Y-You know...for—for us..."
Gwyn's teal eyes widen and she is speechless for once. Not once had she ever thought about it, and how foolish had she been to have not thought ahead for once.
Az reaches over and takes her smaller hands in his larger ones. "We don't have to. If you're not ready or you're uncomfortable, it doesn't have to happen. I know that the library has been your safe haven for three years now. I know leaving your home once was hard enough and I'm asking way too much of you, asking you to leave another home. Especially one that has served you well and allowed you to heal. I'm sorry if this to too fast, I shouldn't have brought it up."
She blinks ad clears her throat. "No. I-I'm just a little caught off guard. I usually think ahead for things and for some reason I just never thought of...this. Though that's probably foolish considering that we are mates and mates don't live apart once they've accepted each other, that would be foolish too. There are just things that you haven't seen of me, and I'm not just talking about messy hair and those times of the year, or even morning breath. There's just a lot more to me, it's more complex than that. And even despite all of those things, I don't know how easy it would be for me to adjust. I grew up in a big temple with dozens of other priestesses, and then I was moved to the library with dozens of other survivors." She tears up quietly and squeezes his hands. "But you're my /mate/. Someone I thought didn't exist. And I know that some sacrifices have to be made if I want this long term. If I want...you...long term. And I can be tough and determined and strong, but sometimes I'm not", she whispers. "In the privacy of my alone time, sometimes I can't find strength when I need it most."
"Oh, Gwyn." Azriel slips off the bed and kneels before her, her short form level with him, face to face as he hugs her tightly. "Can I tell you a secret?"
"Anything", she sniffles.
"In the privacy of my alone time, sometimes I can't find the strength when I need it most either."
She pulls back to gaze into his eyes, the sparkling hazel genuine and more vulnerable than she has ever seen as if she s peering into his damaged soul. "Then maybe we can both take a risk. You won't always be alone, and I won't always be surrounded. We could adjust together and find comfort in one another. But you will have to be patient with me."
"I am well versed in patience."
"Okay then."
He strokes her cheek and smiles cutely. "Wait, is that a yes?"
She smiles shyly. "That's a yes, Azriel. We can build a home for ourselves. As long as you won't hide from me, I won't hide from you. Promise?"
"I promise, little mate."
.
.
.
The next day, Azriel appears in the River House. He needs to brief Rhysand on how his interrogation went the other day and he figures breakfast must be out by now. Approaching the dining area, he can smell that he was right and grins, swiping a slice of blueberry bread from the basket at the center of the table and eating it hungrily. Feyre walks in and tsks at him.
"Az you'll get crumbs everywhere! I swear you and Cass are worse than Nyx sometimes."
He looks at her sheepishly. "Oops, apologies." His shadows sweep the crumbs up and discard them in the nearest bin.
"Where's Rhys?"
"Oh, it was his turn to handle a particularly vile diaper change", she smirks.
Azriel scrunches his nose and looks to the stairs. Feyre's eyes soften. "I don't know if you heard...about Elain. And I just want to say that—"
Az holds up a hand. "No need. I do know. She's decided to accept her mate bond with Lucien. I am happy for her. I have also decided to accept mine with Gwyn."
Feyre gasps. "You have a mate!?"
"Yes, I figured Rhys would've spilled the beans by now", he smiles.
"Oh, Rhys is in so much trouble for not telling me! Nesta's friend?"
"Yes. But she is so much more than that, Feyre."
"She must be if she deserves you. Oh, Az, I'm so thrilled for you!", she beams, hugging him.
"Thank you. That being said, I believe I still owe Elain some words for...how I acted previously. I realize in hindsight that it was unacceptable and crude, and I wanted to apologize and metaphorically bury the hatchet."
"That's understandable. Umm, she's upstairs, but Lucien...he is too."
Azriel's face remains a cool mask. "Ah. Maybe I should come back later?"
Just as he goes to winnow away, Elain comes down the stairs. Her hair is braided down her back with small flowers weaved within it. Lucien is closely following behind, strands of his ruby hair also braided and a grin on his face until he notices Azriel and it fades.
Elain looks between them nervously.
Azriel holds his hands up in surrender. "I don't mean to interrupt on this fine morning, but I would like to have a word with Elain."
"You will have no such thing", Lucien growls. Elain places a hand on his chest and looks him in the eye.
"It's alright, Lucien. Really. Trust me", she says softly, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. He sighs and inclines his head as Elain nods to Azriel, following him out to the patio.
"I-"
"I-"
"You go first", Elain says softly, looking up at him.
Azriel nods. "I want you to know that I'm glad you are happy and that I'm sorry for my previous actions. I felt alone and left out, and I was hurting with jealousy and I know that's no excuse. I never meant to cause problems or issues between you and your sister or Rhys or Lucien. I was so sick of being alone and I saw my brothers basking in happiness with your sisters and I thought I could have that with you...", he clears his throat. "But then I saw you with Lucien weeks ago and I realized that the Cauldron didn't choose wrong. I just wanted it to be wrong out of selfishness. And I came to tell you that I am thrilled that you're happy, and a week and a half ago, I found my mate too."
Elain gasps and smiles softly. "You did? Who?"
"Gwyn Berdara."
"Nesta's friend", she chuckles. "I had one of my...premonition things recently. It was of you and a red-head, but the faces were not clear. I haven't seen you around to ask. I suppose that's what it meant."
Azriel groans. "I wish everyone would stop categorizing her as Nesta's friend. Yes, she is, but that is not the whole of her. She is complex, and smart, and kind, and beautiful, and much, much, more than just Nesta's friend. Also, it must have been. I wish I got a heads up, but that's my doing for avoiding you..."
Elain raises an eyebrow before giggling softly. "Males and their protectiveness. I'll always be in awe of how far that stretches. And you were giving me space, so I understand that much more now."
Azriel blushes and nods slowly. "Sorry...it's just that she's—she's everything I needed, and I think a part of me was always waiting for her. I think some part of me knew even two years ago when I helped rescue her that she was my missing piece. Everything back then was way too complicated and dangerous. She's stronger now, and I'm...well, I'm realizing that maybe I am deserving too."
"You are, Azriel. You always have been, you just needed to find that half of you that was missing. And I needed to give mine a chance. I'm glad we both got the happy endings we needed. I'm sorry too, for being impulsive and getting you in trouble. I heard Rhys was pretty harsh with you and I never meant for that to happen."
"Don't blame yourself. I deserved that. I was quite the prick", he chuckles quietly. "But anyway, I wanted you to know that I'm glad you're happy and I hope we can still be friends. I don't want Lucien to hate me either."
"I'll talk him down", she smiles. "He's been through too much too. I don't think he wants to carry around resentment if he doesn't have to."
"Makes sense."
"See you around?"
"You sure will."
Elain nods and smiles, patting his arm before returning inside for breakfast. Azriel soaks up the sun for a moment before heading in as well, hoping to catch Rhys when he isn't elbow deep in a dirty diaper.